The Comedies of Carlo Goldoni

Nina. Yes, sir.

Count. That is well; you please me now.

Nina. Oh, what I have in my heart, I have in my mouth.

Count. Would you like me to find you a husband?

Nina. No, sir.

Count. How no?

Nina. How no? Because it's no, because to marry I have no need of you.

Count. Do you not need my protection?

Nina. No, indeed, not a bit of it.

Count. Do you understand all I can do in this village?

Nina. You may be able to do all in the village, but you can do nothing in my marriage.

Count. I can do nothing?

Nina. [Smiling gently.] Nothing, in truth, nothing, nothing.

Count. You are in love with Crispino.

Nina. He is to my taste.

Count. And you prefer him to that worthy man, to that rich man, that admirable man, Coronato?

Nina. I would prefer him to others far better than Coronato.

Count. You would prefer him to any other?

Nina. [Laughing, and making him understand that she refers to him.] Oh, and if you knew to whom, for instance!

Count. And to whom would you prefer him, then?

Nina. To what end? Do not make me chatter.

Count. No, because you would be capable of saying some impertinence.

Nina. Do you want anything else of me?

Count. Simply this: I protect your brother, your brother has given his word for you to Coronato, and you must marry Coronato.

Nina. [With affectation.] Your worship protects my brother?

Count. Just so.

Nina. And my brother has given his word to Coronato?

Count. Just so.

Nina. Well, if things be so —

Count. Well?

Nina. Let my brother marry the host.

Count. I swear that you shall never marry Crispino.

Nina. No? And why?

Count. I shall send him away from this village.

Nina. I shall go and seek for him wherever he is.

Count. I shall have him beaten.

Nina. Oh, as for that, he will think about it.

Count. What would you do if he were dead?

Nina. I do not know.

Count. Would you take another?

Nina. It might be.

Count. Imagine that he is dead.

Nina. Sir, I can neither read, nor write, nor reckon.

Count. Saucy girl!

Nina. Do you want anything else?

Count. Go to the devil!

Nina. Show me the road!

Count. I swear, were you not a woman —

Nina. What would you do?

Count. Go hence, I say!

Nina. I obey at once, for I am well bred.

Count. Well bred? and goes off and does not salute!

Nina. Oh, pardon me. I am till death your worship's obedient servant. [Laughs and runs towards the villa.]

Count. [With scorn.] Rustica progenies nescit habere modum. I do not know what to do. If she does not want Coronato, I can't force her. It is not my fault. What on earth does he want a wife for, who does not want him? Are women scarce? I will find him one better than this. He shall see what my protection is worth.

Scene VII The above, and Geltrude and Candida outside the shop

Count. Well, Signora Geltrude?

Geltrude. Count, my niece is a prudent girl.

Count. Well, then, briefly?

Geltrude. Count, permit me.

Count. Pardon me, but if you knew what I have endured with a woman – it is true, another woman – [Aside.] But all women are alike. – Well, then, what does niece Candida say?

Geltrude. If the Baron really —

Count. Really! out upon your suspicions!

Geltrude. Admitting the condition and the circumstances, my niece is content to marry the Baron.

Count. Bravo! [Aside.] This time at least I have had a success.

Candida. [Aside.] All to revenge myself on that false Evarist!

Geltrude. [Aside.] I certainly did not think she would consent. I fancied another affection held her, but I see I erred.

Scene VIIINina on the terrace. The above

Nina. She is not here, and I can find her nowhere. Oh, there she is!

Count. Consequently the Signorina Candida marries the Baron del Cedro.

Nina. [Aside.] What do I hear? What will she answer?

Geltrude. She will do it as soon as the conditions —

Count. [To Candida.] What conditions do you put?

Candida. None, sir; I marry him in any case.

Count. Excellent Signorina Candida! I like you thus. [Aside.] Ah, when I have to do with matters, all goes swimmingly.

Nina. [Aside.] But this is a terrible business! Poor Signor Evarist! It is useless for me to give the fan to Signorina Candida.

[Exit.

Geltrude. [Aside.] I deceived myself. She loves the Baron, and I thought her attracted to Signor Evarist.

Count. If you will allow me, I will go and give this good news to the Baron, to my dear friend, my dear colleague.

Geltrude. And where is the Baron?

Count. He expects me at the apothecary's. Do as I beg. Go to the house, and I will conduct him to you at once.

Geltrude. What do you say, niece?

Candida. Yes, he can speak with you.

Count. And with you?

Candida. I will do whatever my aunt wishes. – [Aside.] I shall die, but I shall die avenged.

Count. I go at once. Expect us, we will come to you. As the hour is so advanced, it would not be amiss if you invited him to dinner.

Geltrude. What! the first time!

Count. Oh, these are exaggerated considerations. He will gladly accept, I answer for him, and to induce him, I will stay too.

[Exit.

Geltrude. Let us go, then, and await them.

Candida. Yes, let us go.

Geltrude. What is the matter with you? Do you do it willingly?

Candida. Yes, willingly. – [Aside.] I have given my word, it is irremediable.

Geltrude. [Aside.] Poor child, I pity her. In these cases, notwithstanding one's love, one feels confused. [Goes towards the villa.]

Scene IXNina on the terrace, and the above

Nina. Oh, Signorina Candida!

Candida. [Angrily.] What are you doing here?

Nina. I came to look for you.

Candida. Go away, and do not presume to set foot in our house again!

Nina. What! this affront to me?

Candida. What affront? You are an unworthy creature, and I cannot and will not tolerate you longer. [Enters the villa.]

Geltrude. [Aside.] This is a little too severe.

Nina. I am amazed, Signora Geltrude.

Geltrude. I am indeed sorry for the mortification you have had, but my niece is a person of good judgment, and if she has treated you ill, she must have her reasons.

Nina. What reasons can she have? I am astonished at her.

Geltrude. Come, come, do not forget your respect; do not raise your voice.

Nina. I will go and seek justification.

Geltrude. No, no, stay here. It is no good now, do it after.

Nina. And I tell you, I will go now!

Geltrude. Do not presume to pass this door. [Places herself on the threshold.]

Scene X The above. Count and Baron going from the apothecary's to the villa

Count. Come, come, let us go.

Baron. I must go.

Geltrude. [To Nina.] Impudent lass! [Goes in and throws to the door at the moment that the Count and Baron are about to enter. She does not see them.]

[Nina goes away angered. Count remainsspeechless, looking at the closed door.]

Baron. What, they shut the door in our faces!

Count. In our faces? No, it is impossible!

Baron. Impossible, you say! But it is a fact.

Nina. This insult to me! [Walks up and down trembling.]

Count. Let us go and knock.

Nina. [Aside.] If they go in, I will get in too.

Baron. No, stay; I want to know no more. I do not wish to expose myself to fresh insults. You have served me but ill. They have laughed at you, and made fun of me on your account.

Count. [Hotly.] What way of speaking is this?

Baron. And I demand satisfaction!

Count. From whom?

Baron. From you.

Count. In what manner?

Baron. Sword in hand!

Count. With the sword! But it's twenty years that I am in this village, and that I no longer use a sword.

Baron. With pistols, then. [Draws two pistols from his pocket.]

Nina. [Running towards the house.] Pistols! hi, folks, here! pistols! They are murdering each other.

Scene XI The above. Geltrude on the terrace

Geltrude. But, gentlemen, what is this?

Count. Why did you bolt the door in our faces?

Geltrude. I? Excuse me, I am incapable of such a vile action with whomsoever it should be; how little, then, with you and the Baron, who deigns to condescend to my niece!

Count. [To the Baron.] You hear!

Baron. But, Madame, at the very moment we wanted to come to you, the door was closed in our faces.

Geltrude. I assure you I did not see you. I closed the door to hinder that saucy girl Nina from entering.

Nina. [Puts her head, out of her own door.] What? saucy! saucy yourself!

Count. Quiet the impudent lass!

Geltrude. Will you enter, pray? I will give orders that the door be opened.

Count. [To the Baron.] You hear?

Baron. I have nothing more to say.

Count. What will you do with these pistols?

Baron. Excuse my acute sense of honour. [Puts away the pistols.]

Count. And you mean to present yourself to two ladies with two pistols in your pocket?

Baron. I always carry them in the country for self-defence.

Count. But if they knew you had these pistols, – you know what women are, – they would not come near you.

Baron. You are right. Thank you for warning me, and, as a sign of good friendship, allow me to present you with them. [Draws one from his pocket and presents it.]

Count. [Nervously.] A present to me?

Baron. Yes; surely you will not refuse it?

Count. I accept it because it comes from your hands. But they are not loaded?

Baron. What a question! Do you expect me to carry empty pistols?

Count. Wait! Ho there, café!

Limonato. [From out his shop.] What would you, sir?

Count. Take these pistols and keep them till I ask you for them.

Limonato. At your service. [Takes the pistols from the Baron.]

Count. Take care, they are loaded!

Limonato. [Laughing.] Oh, I know how to manage them.

Count. Take care, no follies!

Limonato. [Aside.] The Count is courageous, truly.

Count. I thank you, and shall value them. – [Aside.] To-morrow I will sell them.

Tognino. [From the villa.] Gentlemen, my mistress expects you.

Count. Let us go.

Baron. Yes, let us go.

Count. Well, what do you say? Am I a man of my word? Ah, dear colleague, we noblemen – our protection is worth something.

[Nina comes out of her house softly, and goesbehind them to enter. Tognino has let theCount and Baron pass, and remains on thethreshold. Nina wants to enter.Tognino stops her.]

Tognino. You have nothing to do here.

Nina. Yes, but I have.

Tognino. My orders are not to let you pass. [Goes in and shuts the door.]

Nina. I am furious! – I feel choking with rage! This insult to me – to a girl of my kind! [Stamps with rage.]

Scene XII

Evarist from the street, his gun, on his shoulder, and Moracchio with a gun in his hand and bag with game, and the dogs tied by a cord. The above.

Evarist. Here, take my gun, and keep those partridges till I dispose of them. [Seats himself before the café.]

Moracchio. Never fear, I will take care of them. – [To Nina.] Is dinner ready?

Nina. Quite ready.

Moracchio. What on earth is the matter? You are always angry with all the world, and then complain of me.

Nina. Oh, it's true, we are relations, there is no gainsaying it.

Moracchio. Come, let us go in and dine. It is time.

Nina. Yes, yes, go. I will come after. – [Aside.] I want to speak to Signor Evarist.

Moracchio. Yes, come; if not, I shall eat all. [Goes into the house.]

Nina. If I ate now, I should eat poison.

Evarist. [Aside.] No one on the terrace! Doubtless they are at dinner. It is better I go to the inn, the Baron expects me. [Rises.] Well, Nina, nothing new to tell me?

Nina. Oh yes, sir, I have something to tell you.

Evarist. Have you given my fan?

Nina. Here it is, your accursed fan!

Evarist. What does this mean? Could you not give it?

Nina. I have received a thousand insults, a thousand impertinences, and have been chased from the house like a good-for-nothing.

Evarist. Then Signora Geltrude noticed it?

Nina. Oh, not only Signora Geltrude. The greatest insults came from Signorina Candida.

Evarist. But why? What did you do to her?

Nina. I did nothing to her, sir.

Evarist. You told her you had a fan for her?

Nina. How could I tell her when she never gave me time, but sent me off like a thief?

Evarist. But there must be some reason.

Nina. For my part, I know I have done nothing to her. But all this ill-treatment, I am sure, I am certain, has been done to me because of you.

Evarist. Because of me? The Signorina Candida, who loves me so much!

Nina. Does the Signorina Candida love you so much?

Evarist. There is no doubt about it. I am sure of it.

Nina. Oh yes, I too can assure you that she loves you much, much, much.

Evarist. You put me into a terrible agitation.

Nina. [Ironically.] Go, go and seek your lady-love, your dear one.

Evarist. And why should I not go?

Nina. Because the place is taken!

Evarist. [Anxiously.] By whom?

Nina. By Baron del Cedro.

Evarist. The Baron is in the house?

Nina. Why should he not be in the house, seeing he is to marry the Signorina Candida?

Evarist. Nina, you dream – you are raving! you do nothing but talk absurdities!

Nina. You don't believe me? Well, go and see, and you will know if I speak the truth.

Evarist. In Signora Geltrude's house?

Nina. And in Signorina Candida's.

Evarist. The Baron!

Nina. Del Cedro.

Evarist. Marries Signorina Candida!

Nina. I have seen it with these eyes, and heard it with these ears.

Evarist. It cannot be! It is impossible! You talk nonsense.

Nina. Go, see for yourself. Listen, and you will soon learn if I talk nonsense.

Evarist. I will see at once! [Runs to the villa and knocks.]

Nina. Poor fool, he trusts in the love of a city girl. The city girls are not as we are.

[Evarist goes on knocking. Tognino opens andlooks out of the door.]

Evarist. Well, what is it?

Tognino. Excuse me, I can let no one pass.

Evarist. Have you told them it is I?

Tognino. I have.

Evarist. To Signorina Candida?

Tognino. To Signorina Candida.

Evarist. And Signora Geltrude does not wish that I should come in?

Tognino. Yes, Signora Geltrude had said you might pass, but Signorina Candida did not wish it.

Evarist. Did not wish it? I swear to Heaven I will come in! [Tries to push aside Tognino, who bolts the door.]

Nina. Well, and what did I tell you?

Evarist. I am beside myself! I do not know in what world I am. To shut the door in my face!

Nina. Oh, do not be amazed! They treated me in the same beautiful way.

Evarist. How is it possible Candida could thus deceive me?

Nina. What is a fact cannot be doubted.

Evarist. I still do not believe it – I cannot believe it – I will never believe it!

Nina. You do not believe it?

Evarist. No; there must be some mistake, some mystery. I know Candida's heart. She is incapable of this!

Nina. All right. Console yourself that way, and enjoy your consolation. Much good may it do you!

Evarist. I absolutely must speak to Candida.

Nina. But since she won't receive you?

Evarist. It does not matter. There must be some other reason! I will go into the café. It will be enough for me to see her, to hear a word from her. A sign alone from her will suffice to assure me of life or to give me my death-blow.

Nina. Well, take it.

Scene XIII

Coronato and Scavezzo return. Scavezzo goes straight to the inn. Coronato remains aside to listen. The above.

Evarist. What do you want to give me?

Nina. Why, your fan!

Evarist. Keep it. Don't torment me.

Nina. You give me this fan?

Evarist. Yes, yes, keep it, I give it you. – [Aside.] I am beside myself!

Nina. If it is so, I thank you.

Coronato. [Aside.] Ho, ho! now I know what the present was! A fan. [Goes to the inn without being seen.]

Evarist. But if Candida won't let me see her – if by chance she does not look out of the window – if seeing me she refuses to listen to me – if her aunt forbids her! I am in a sea of confusion, of agitation.

[Crispino, with a sack full of leather and shoeson his shoulder, goes towards his booth. Seeingthe two, he stops to listen.]

Nina. Dear Signor Evarist, you make me sad; I am deeply grieved for you.

Evarist. Yes, my good girl, I deserve your pity.

Nina. So good, amiable, and polite a gentleman.

Evarist. You know my heart, you bear testimony to my love.

Crispino. [Aside.] Nice things these! I see I came in time.

Nina. Indeed, if I knew how to comfort you —

Crispino. [Aside.] Better and better!

Evarist. Well, at all costs I will try my luck. I will not have to reproach myself that I neglected to clear up the matter. I go to the café, Nina; I go and tremble. Retain to me your friendship and good-will. [He takes her hand, and goes into the café.]

Nina. On the one hand he makes me laugh, on the other I am sorry for him.

[Crispino puts down his sack, pulls out some shoes, puts them on the bench, and goes into his shopwithout speaking.]

Nina. Why, here is Crispino! Welcome back! Where have you been till now?

Crispino. Don't you see, to buy leather and to take shoes for mending.

Nina. But you do nothing but mend old shoes. I would not have people say – you know they are so ill-natured here —

Crispino. The evil tongues will find more to say about you than about me.

Nina. About me! What can they say?

Crispino. What do I care what they say – that I am more of a cobbler than a shoemaker? It is enough for me to be an honest man, and to earn my bread righteously. [He sits down and works.]

Nina. But I don't want to be called the cobbleress.

Crispino. When?

Nina. When I shall be your wife.

Crispino. Eh?

Nina. Eh! What does this eh! mean? what does this eh! mean?

Crispino. It means that Signorina Nina will be neither cobbleress nor shoemakeress; she has aims most vast and grand.

Nina. Are you mad, or have you drunk this morning?

Crispino. I am not mad, I have not drunk, but I am neither blind nor deaf.

Nina. Then what the devil do you mean? Explain yourself if you would have me understand you.

Crispino. I am to explain myself! You would have me explain myself? Do you think I have not heard your fine words with Signor Evarist?

Nina. With Signor Evarist?

Crispino. [Imitating Evarist.] Yes, my good girl, you know my heart; you bear testimony to my love.

Nina. [Laughing.] You silly fellow!

Crispino. [Imitating Nina.] Indeed, if I knew how to comfort you —

Nina. [Laughing.] Silly fellow, I say!

Crispino. [Imitating Evarist.] Nina, retain to me your friendship and good-will.

Nina. [Laughing yet more.] Sillier than ever!

Crispino. I?

Nina. Yes, absurd; madly absurd!

Crispino. But, by Jove, did I not see, did I not hear your beautiful conversation with Signor Evarist?

Nina. Silly boy, I tell you!

Crispino. And what you replied.

Nina. Silly boy!

Crispino. Nina, have done with this "silly," or I shall go silly in very deed. [Threatens her.]

Nina. Eh! eh! [Becomes serious, and changes her tune.] But do you really think Signor Evarist loves me?

Crispino. I know nothing about it.

Nina. Come here. Listen. [Speaks rapidly.] Signor Evarist loves Signorina Candida; and Signorina Candida has planted him, and wants to marry the Baron. And Signor Evarist is desperate, and came to pour out his heart to me; and I pretended to be sympathetic to make fun of him, and he let himself be comforted that way. Do you understand now?

Crispino. Not a word.

Nina. Are you persuaded of my innocence?

Crispino. Not entirely.

Nina. Then, if things are thus, go to the devil with you! Coronato desires me, seeks me; my brother has promised me to him. The Count, who respects me, implores – I shall marry Coronato.

Crispino. Come, come, don't be so angry instantly. Can you assure me you speak the truth – that there is nothing between you and Signor Evarist?

Nina. And you do not wish me to call you silly! But, my own good Crispino, whom I love so much, my dear betrothed! [She caresses him.]

Crispino. [Gently.] And what did Signor Evarist give you?

Nina. Nothing.

Crispino. Nothing? nothing? nothing?

Nina. When I tell you nothing, nothing – [Aside.] I do not want him to know about the fan, or he will suspect me again.

Crispino. Can I be sure?

Nina. Come, come, you tease me.

Crispino. You love me?

Nina. Yes, I love you.

Crispino. Well, then, let us make peace. [He takes her hand.]

Nina. [Laughing.] Silly fellow.

Crispino. [Laughing.] But why silly?