The Comedies of Carlo Goldoni

Chev. Wherever you please. [Calls.] Fiorillo!

Aram. Poor youth! The victim of his father's imbecility.

[Exit.Scene XIII. —Enter Fiorillo

Chev. Listen, Fiorillo! Tell my father – Here he comes. I have not time to speak to him. Say I am with Madame Dorimene.

[Exit.

Fior. With the ladies! He is unusually gay. Perhaps his affairs have taken a lucky turn.

Scene XIV. —Enter the Marquis

Marq. Well, the coachman – A rascal! – Returned yet?

Fior. The coachman is not to blame, Signor.

Marq. How so? I am – Good, good, excellent! – Had they gone out?

Fior. Who, Signor?

Marq. My daughter, and – What did the dog say? – Yes, at once – To the devil!

Fior. You should not be angry, Signor. I met him loaded like a porter: his horses were hungry and restive, he went to buy corn.

Marq. How? Very fine – The Count – The stables —

Fior. Ah, yes, none can be finer; but without a single oat, nor dares the coachman buy any, without an express order from his master. Oh, the miser!

Marq. Who? Who? Good, good, excellent! A miser!

Fior. There is not such another on earth.

Marq. Who, I say? Blockhead! Fool! The Count – a man! – Go, go, numskull!

Fior. Everybody I have spoken with, in the house and out of the house, servants, tradesmen, or neighbours, all say the same. Nay, Frontino, his chief favourite, can stay with him no longer.

Marq. How! Could it be? – He refused me his coach?

Fior. From avarice. He walks, for fear of tiring his horses.

Marq. But – a hundred thousand livres in diamonds!

Fior. Do you mean the jewels he has showed to his bride —

Marq. Well?

Fior. And which he will never pay for. Frontino told me they were not bought, but borrowed.

Marq. Borrowed! Damn! Good, good, excellent! – an underhand miser – hypocrite! Damn, damn! A fellow – odious – despicable – My daughter? – Oaf! Sup with him? – Great feast – No oats for the horses – Go and see the poor beasts.

Fior. Not that way, Signor. The stables are in the other court.

Marq. Double court – No corn – Great palace – No oats for his horses!

[Exeunt.

ACT V

Scene I. —The Count and Frontino

Count. Make haste! Place and light those candles, that there may be a splendid illumination!

Front. But I want help, Signor.

Count. Pshaw! Thy activity and talents, Frontino, are quite sufficient.

Front. [Aside.] So much for compliments.

Count. I am vexed at again not finding the Marchioness and her aunt at home. Surely they will come to supper. See how the candles waste; shut the doors and windows.

Front. The evening is so warm!

Count. No matter; do as I bid you.

Front. [Aside.] He has odd modes of saving.

Count. I feel myself quite animated. The supper grand! The illumination grand! The – Some of my guests, and those not mean ones, will acknowledge and do justice to my dessert. I grant the expense is great; but expense, if it is properly incurred, can be borne once in a while. – [To Frontino.] Should any one ask for me, I am here with the Marquis. – [To himself.] Let me but finish affairs with him, and the difficulty with his daughter will be but little.

Scene II. – Frontino, and then Fiorillo

Front. [Calls.] Fiorillo!

Fior. [Entering.] Here am I. What do you want?

Front. [Giving him a light.] Help me to light the candles.

Fior. Willingly. [Both lighting and chatting at the same time.]

Front. Gently! gently! Mind how you turn that chandelier; the candles are only short bits fastened on coloured sticks.

Fior. Do not fear. I hope we shall sup together?

Front. Should anything be left. The dishes are large; the contents small.

Fior. We shall have a bottle at least?

Front. Zounds! if we have, I must pay for it.

Fior. Among so many, how can one be missed?

Front. I will tell you. The Count has a certain number of coloured pellets in his pocket. He draws them out one by one as the bottles are emptied.

Fior. Oh, the devil!

Front. [Seeing the Count return.] Hush!

Scene III. —Enter the Count

Count. [Angry and aside.] Could such a thing be expected? A man of my rank and riches? Rudeness so great! Contempt so visible! Tell me his daughter is not for me! Will not come to supper, and then to sneer and laugh at me! He too! – so weak and foolish! Talk of nothing but oats; a reiteration of oats, oats! – [To Fiorillo haughtily.] Your master wants you. Go!

Fior. I have had the honour of helping my comrade, Signor.

Count. Have the complaisance now to help yourself, and be gone.

[Exit Fiorillo.Scene IV. —The Count and Frontino

Front. [Aside.] We shall have bad weather; there is something new in the wind.

Count. [To himself.] What a blockhead was I! Absurd design! Is not money worth more than ruined antiquity? Oh yes! I will marry the captious beauty; marry her in despite of her and of myself. No more attentions; no more respectfulness; no more complaisance for any one. – [To Frontino.] Put out the lights.

Front. Put them out, Signor?

Count. Do as you are bid! Make haste!

Front. Very pretty! [Begins to extinguish.]

Count. [Aside.] Deceive me! Laugh at me! Once more for Madame Araminta. – [To Frontino.] Will you never have done? [Puts out some candles with his hat.]

Front. But the supper? Everything ready.

Count. How many dishes?

Front. I have brought out all the silver, as you ordered; and large and small, though most of the last, there will be forty.

Count. [Putting out a candle.] They will last forty days.

Front. But, Signor —

Count. Silence babbler! [Puts out the last, and they are in the dark.]

Front. So, here we are, and here we may stay.

Count. Why did you put out the last candle?

Front. I do not think it was I, Signor.

Count. Go for a light.

Front. Nay, but how to find the door.

Count. Stop! stop! I hear somebody.

Scene V. —The stage dark. Enter Fiorillo

Fior. What can this mean? All in total darkness! Perhaps there will be no supper?

Front. [Aside to the Count.] I think it is Fiorillo.

Count. [Softly, and holding Frontino by the arm.] Stay where you are, and speak as if I were gone. – [Aside.] I may make some discovery.

Fior. [Stumbling on Frontino.] Who is there?

Front. 'Tis I.

Fior. Frontino! Why have you put out the lights?

Front. Because – because it was too early.

Fior. 'Sblood! Your master is a miser indeed.

Front. How? Jackanapes! My master a miser!

Fior. Why, you told me so yourself.

Count. Ah, rascal! [Shaking Frontino.]

Front. Oh, the liar! I capable of —

Fior. Hold your tongue, and listen patiently. I have thought of a way by which you may crib a bottle of wine, in spite of the pellets.

Front. Vile cheat! What are you talking about?

Fior. Really, my dear Frontino, you are no longer the same. Change thus in a minute! You speak as if your master were here.

Front. I speak as I have always spoken. I love my master, obey my master, respect my master, and – and – he's a gentleman.

Count. [Shaking him with great anger.] Scoundrel!

Fior. And all you have said of his avarice is false?

Count. Villain! [Shaking Frontino till he falls.]

Fior. What now? Where are you? What has fallen?

[Exit the Count, feeling till he finds the door.Scene VI. – Frontino and Fiorillo, then the Count

Front. [Aside.] The devil take you! – [Feeling about.] Where are you, Signor?

Fior. Who are you talking to?

Front. Signor, where are you?

Fior. Hey-day! You have taken a cup already, my friend.

Front. Ah! ah! Here he comes. God help my poor back.

Count. [Entering with a candle, speaks softly.] Traitor! Dog! – [Aloud.] Hark you, Frontino!

Front. [Afraid.] Ye – ye – yes!

Count. [Aside.] If we were alone! – [Aloud.] Go and tell Madame Araminta I wish to speak to her, either in her room or my own.

Front. Yes, Signor. – [Aside.] – I will not trust his looks. – [To the Count.] Do not think —

Count. [Disdainfully.] Deliver your message.

Front. [Aside.] I see how it is. You must pack off, my friend Frontino.

[Exit.Scene VII. —The Count and Fiorillo

Fior. You have a faithful servant there, Signor.

Count. You do not know him, friend. An ungrateful fellow, to whom I have been kind and generous in vain. A professed liar! I discovered him, gave him warning; and, to revenge himself, the rascal speaks ill of me. [Going with the light he brought.]

Fior. Excuse me; this room is dark: permit me to light another candle.

Count. Certainly. I can't tell why they were all put out.

Fior. Frontino is a good servant, and knows how to manage.

Count. [Aside.] The hound! I would send him to the devil if I could find a servant for as little wages.

[Exit.Scene VIII. – Fiorillo and the Marquis

Fior. If I had not got this light, here I might have stayed.

Marq. [Entering.] I should like to know – ? [To Fiorillo.] Did you not say – ? Tell him to come here.

Fior. Who, Signor?

Marq. My son.

Fior. Yes. – [Aside.] He is not always to be understood. – [Aloud.] First suffer me to light a candle.

Marq. Another – I love – Good, good, excellent! See clear. [Lights a third himself.]

Fior. Some one may come to put them out.

Marq. Out! Who?

Fior. [Laughing.] The illustrious Count!

[Exit.

Marq. True! Without a grain of oats!

Scene IX. —Enter Araminta

Aram. [Speaking as she enters.] He is in his room. Marquis, your obedient —

Marq. Humble servant. – All well? All well?

Aram. At your service.

Marq. Good, good, excellent! I wished to – My son will tell you.

Aram. Your son, my daughter, and Dorimene, have so stunned and tormented me that I can hear no more.

Marq. If so, Madame – But – you know me – I have not – Very true; but – my property – my estates – Forest, lordship, seven springs – High lands, low – Pasture, arable – A barony. Good, good, excellent! Two millions, Madame!

Aram. What matter your millions? My husband made a fortune from nothing; you, with millions, are ruined! He took care of his own affairs; I managed the house. But permit me to say, Signor Marquis, in your family all has been disorder.

Marq. The Marchioness, heaven bless her! was a little too fond – Poor woman! Always lost. For my part – the chase – good hounds – fine horses – Then – my son – Good, good, excellent! Oh, a brave boy! – Who, some day or other – our estates – our lands —

Aram. Had I the management of them, they would soon free themselves.

Marq. Good, good, excellent! Take – act – give 'em up – Oh, with all my heart!

Aram. Surely you do not imagine, Signor Marquis, that it becomes me to be an agent?

Marq. No; I did not say that. You are still – I am not old – Understand me.

Aram. You are jesting.

Marq. Jest when I – ? Good, good, excellent!

Aram. I have no intention to marry; and, if I had, it would not be vain titles, but happiness that I should seek.

Marq. Right – if you – no one interfere – mistress of everything – carte blanche. Good, good, excellent!

Aram. Carte blanche?

Marq. Without restriction.

Scene X. —Enter the Chevalier

Chev. My father sent for me.

Marq. You see, Madame! only son – good youth.

Aram. I know it, and know his merit.

Chev. Ah, Madame! – [To the Marquis.] Did you, sir, know the kindness, the liberality, with which this lady overwhelmed me, how you would be surprised!

Marq. All is concluded? Eleonora – thine? [Overjoyed.]

Aram. Not too fast, Signor Marquis; I have told you how tenderly I love her, and that I will not risk either her happiness or her fortune.

Marq. But – speak, boy – our affairs – Good, good, excellent! Speak the truth; this lady may – as for me – here I am – my heart, my hand, carte blanche.

Chev. To which, dear father, I willingly subscribe. I leave everything to your discretion. [Flying to the side scene.] Approach, dear Eleonora; conquer your fears; join your prayers to ours, and move the heart of a mother, who doubts only through delicacy.

Enter Eleonora and Dorimene, who remains in the background.

Eleon. [Falling at her mother's feet.] Oh, my mother! you know my heart, and how religiously I have always obeyed your commands. You would unite me to a man whom I can never love; virtuous affection has taken possession of my soul. I ought to have told you, but fear and respect forbade me; yet my feelings, however ardent, I was determined should be sacrificed to obedience to that affection which I have ever felt for you, and that tender attachment in which I have been educated. Ah, do not force me to a marriage I detest! and which will render me the most disconsolate and wretched woman on earth.

Aram. [Aside.] Poor child! Did she know my heart!

Marq. [Wiping his eyes.] Now – if – Good, good, excellent!

Aram. Be it so on one condition. The carte blanche —

Marq. [Presenting his hand.] Sign it – pray accept —

Aram. Your hand?

Eleon. My dear mother, your superintending prudence and goodness will secure our felicity.

Chev. Oh yes. Your orders shall be respected; your example the rule for our conduct; your advice our guide.

Aram. [Aside.] My child! my child!

Marq. [Still tenderly presenting his hand.] Madame!

Aram. [Cheerfully.] Signor Marquis – I am yours.

Marq. And I – Good, good, excellent!

Dor. [Coming forward.] Permit me, ladies and gentlemen, to say I have thus far been silent, being desirous to promote this young lady's happiness; but I think you will remember my brother ought to be, in some degree, consulted in this affair.

Eleon. Heavens! what say you, Madame?

Aram. My daughter should have been his, had he been less of a spendthrift.

Marq. I would have given him mine if he had not been a miser.

Eleon. [Sees the Count coming.] Oh, my mother!

Marq. Fear nothing – I'll speak – Yes, I – quite clearly – Good, good, excellent!

Scene XI. —Enter the Count, and afterwards Frontino

Count. [Aside.] She is here; now is the time to oblige her to determine. – [To Araminta.] I sent a request, Madame —

Aram. I was coming, but was stopped by the Marquis.

Marq. Yes, Signor Count, I have to inform you —

Count. Pardon me, Signor; I have business with this lady. – [To Araminta.] The notary will soon be here, and we must sign the contract.

Aram. And do you still persist in claiming my daughter? Have you not renounced her?

Count. No, Signora. My design, of which my sister may have informed you, was to propose conditions honourable to all parties; but these the Marquis disapproves.

Marq. Hear me speak. You asked me – yes – I would have – why not? But – be so kind – Good, good, excellent! No anger – a hundred thousand livres, diamonds, and not a grain of oats!

Count. Why do you thus reiterate oats? I cannot understand; can you, ladies?

Dor. [To the Count.] Your coachman, brother, may have refused —

Count. [To the Marquis.] How! have your horses not been fed? If so, am I responsible for my coachman's error? Must I be thought a miser – I! – [Aside.] My servants have babbled, and I shall lose my reputation.

Front. [Entering to the Count.] Persons without are asking for you, signor.

Count. [Aside.] My supper guests perhaps; the moment is favourable to the support of my honour. – [Aloud.] Is the notary among them?

Front. Yes, Signor.

Count. Bid him come in. Show the other persons into the card-room. Let the house be illuminated and the supper served.

[Exit Frontino.

Marq. Good, good, excellent!

Scene. —The last

Enter the Notary, the Jeweller, Giacinto, and others.

Count. [To the Notary.] Signor, please to read the contract, that it may be signed. So, Signor Giacinto, you have discovered that my bride is better, and that the supper will take place.

Giac. No, Signor, I have made no such discovery. But I have discovered some literary gentlemen, who, since I am not enabled to print my comedy and your genealogy, will publish the genealogy at their own expense, with all necessary and some remarkable annotations.

Count. [Enraged.] I understand the insult. [Dissembling.] Have you the genealogy in your pocket?

Giac. Here it is, Signor.

Count. [Receiving and concealing the MS.] Signor – I have a proper esteem for talents – they have ever been encouraged and recompensed by me. – [Aside.] A mercenary scoundrel! – [Whispers Giacinto.] Accept these five-and-twenty louis, and let me hear no more. – [Tears the paper.]

[Exit Giacinto.

Aram. [Aside.] What a man! He would quickly have scattered my daughter's fortune.

Count. [To the Notary.] Once more, the contract.

Jew. [Advancing with a bow.] Signor Count.

Count. How now! What do you want?

Jew. Permission to speak.

Count. [Softly to the Jeweller.] I desired you to come in a week.

Jew. 'Tis true. But hearing you are this evening to be affianced, permit me to observe that, after my jewels have been seen —

Count. Ay, ay. – [Vexed and aside.] The rascal knows what he is about. – [Privately returns the jewels and angrily whispers,] Here, take your diamonds, and trouble me no more.

[Exit Jeweller.

Front. [Entering.] The supper is ready; must it be served?

Count. Wait till I call you. Once more, the contract; with your leave, madam, we will read it, that it may be signed.

Aram. Signor, while I was a widow the power was my own, but now I am once more married.

Count. Married! Who is your husband, Madame!

Marq. Good, good, excellent! Yes, signor, 'tis I.

Count. [Aside.] Here is a blow! Oh, all hopes are gone! – [Aloud.] Then Eleonora —

Aram. I love my daughter too much to willingly part with her; once to-day you have refused her hand, which I shall now give to —

Marq. Good, good, excellent! – To my son.

Count. [To Dorimene indignantly.] I am derided, sister, disdained.

Dor. I warned you, brother, yet you would persist. Be prudent; you are in the presence of many people; do not risk your reputation.

Count. [Aside.] Very true. Come what will, I must dissemble. – [Aloud.] You're happily come, ladies and gentlemen, to witness the signing of a contract between – the – Chevalier del Bosco and this young lady. – [Aside.] My tongue is parched; I have not the power to proceed. – [Aloud.] The honour of contributing to this – ceremony – is mine. – [Aside.] Oh that the house were on fire! – [Aloud.] Let us walk into the library till the supper is ready.

Aram. Long live the spendthrift!

Marq. And down with the miser!

[Exeunt omnes.THE END OF "THE SPENDTHRIFT MISER."

1

Jacks; Zanni being a nickname for Giovanni, John.

2

In order to render the exact shade of meaning of the Italian title, it has been necessary to adopt the colloquial phrase.