The Comedies of Carlo Goldoni

Coronato. Sir, I am sincerely sorry, but —

Evarist. How so? What is this?

Coronato. I can no longer find it.

Evarist. Not find it!

Coronato. I stupidly forgot it in the cellar, and went away. When I came back, it had vanished. Some one must have stolen it.

Evarist. Look for it!

Coronato. I have searched the whole house, in vain.

Evarist. I will pay you whatever you like for it!

Coronato. But if it is gone – I tell you it is gone.

Evarist. I am in despair!

Coronato. I am most sorry, but I can do nothing.

[Exit.

Evarist. It is all your fault! You are my misfortune!

Nina. I? And how am I to blame in it all?

Scene VIICandida on the terrace. The above

Candida. [Calling him.] Signor Evarist!

Evarist. There she is, there she is! Oh, I am in despair!

Nina. What, what! the world is not come to an end because of this!

Candida. [Calls more loudly.] Signor Evarist!

Evarist. Oh, Candida, my dearest! I am the most miserable, the most wretched man in the world!

Candida. What! you can't get the fan?

Nina. [Aside.] She guesses it at once!

Evarist. If you knew what a coil of complications, and all to my injury! It is too true, the fan is lost, and it is not possible to find it as yet.

Candida. Oh, I know where it is!

Evarist. Where? where? If you could give us some hint!

Nina. [To Evarist.] Who knows? Some one may have found it.

Candida. The fan will be in the hands of her to whom you gave it, and who will not give it up, and she is right.

Nina. [To Candida.] This is not true.

Candida. Be silent!

Evarist. I swear to you on my honour —

Candida. It is enough! My decision is made! I am astonished at you, to prefer a peasant girl to me.

[Exit.

Nina. Peasant girl! What does she mean?

Evarist. I swear to Heaven, you are the cause of all my miseries, which will be my death! She has decided! Well, I have decided too; I will await my rival here, and will challenge him. Either he or I must fall! And all this is your fault, Nina!

Nina. I go, or I shall lose my reason. [She turns slowly towards her house.]

Evarist. How passion consumes me! My heart thumps, my brain is in a whirl, my breath comes heavily. I can scarcely stand! Oh, who will help me? [He staggers towards a chair.]

Nina. [Turns round and sees him.] What is this? What do I see? He is dying! Help, help! Here, Moracchio! here, Limonato!

Scene VIIILimonato from the café with two cups on a tray. Moracchio runs from his house to succour Evarist

Crispino. [Comes out of the side street.] Oh, there is Signor Evarist. But what is the matter?

Nina. Water, water!

Crispino. Wine, wine!

Limonato. Give him wine. I will just carry these cups to the inn.

Moracchio. Courage, courage, sir! He is in love; that is his malady.

Timoteo. [Comes out of his shop.] What is the matter?

Moracchio. Come here, Timoteo.

Nina. Yes, do you help.

Timoteo. What is the matter?

Nina. He has fainted.

Timoteo. There I can help.

Nina. The poor gentleman, he is in love.

Crispino. [With a bottle of wine.] Here, here! that will restore him to life – five-year-old wine.

Nina. He is reviving!

Crispino. Oh, this wine would make the dead rise!

Moracchio. Courage, courage, sir, I say!

Timoteo. [With bottles, glasses, and a razor.] Here I am. Quick, undress him!

Moracchio. What is the razor for?

Timoteo. In case of need, it is better than a lancet.

Crispino. A razor?

Nina. What?

Evarist. [Gets up.] Oh ho! who wants to cut my throat with a razor?

Nina. The apothecary.

Timoteo. Excuse me; I am an honest man, and no assassin. When one has the best intentions, it is not right to make one appear ridiculous. See whether I will come another time.

[Exit.

Moracchio. Won't you step into my house, sir, and rest on my bed?

Evarist. Wherever you like.

Moracchio. Take my arm and lean on me.

Evarist. Oh, how much rather I would that my miserable life were ended! [Walks off, leaning on Moracchio.]

Nina. [Aside.] If he wanted to die, he could not have done better than give himself up to the apothecary.

Moracchio. Here we are at the door. Let us go in.

Evarist. Useless kindness to him who only asks to die. [They enter.]

Moracchio. Nina, get the bed ready for Signor Evarist.

Crispino. [As she is going to enter, calls her.] Nina!

Nina. What is it?

Crispino. You are wonderfully compassionate for this gentleman.

Nina. I do my duty, because you and I are the cause of his illness.

Crispino. Speak for yourself, there I can't answer. But I? What have I to do with him?

Nina. Because of that accursed fan. [Goes in.]

Crispino. Accursed fan, indeed! I have now heard it named millions of times! But I am glad to think I did Coronato. He is my enemy, and will be so till Nina is my wife. But what now? I could bury this fan in the ground; but if it be trodden on, it will break. What shall I do with it. [Pulls out the fan.]

[Limonato crosses from his café to the inn.]

Count. [From out the inn.] The dinner was excellent! For once I have eaten my fill.

Crispino. [Aside.] Ho, ho, the Count. Shall I – Yes, that will be the best way. [Advances towards him, fan in hand.]

Count. What is that you have in your hand?

Crispino. A fan. I found it on the ground.

Count. [Takes it.] A lady must have lost it in passing by. What will you do with it?

Crispino. I really don't know.

Count. Do you want to sell it?

Crispino. Sell it? I should not know what to ask for it. What may it be worth?

Count. I don't know, for I don't understand such things. There are figures painted on it; but a fan found in the country can't be worth much.

Crispino. I wish it were worth very much.

Count. In order to sell it well?

Crispino. No, certainly not; but only in order to offer it to your honour.

Count. To me! You want to give it to me?

Crispino. But as it seems of no value —

Count. Oh no; it is not bad, and seems quite decent. Thank you, my friend. Whenever I can be of use to you, count on my protection. – [Aside.] I shall give it away.

Crispino. But one thing I beg of you.

Count. [Aside.] Didn't I think so! This class of people gives nothing for nothing! – Well, what is it? Speak.

Crispino. I beg you to tell no one that I gave it to you.

Count. Is that all?

Crispino. All.

Count. If it's nothing but that – [Aside.] He is cautious. But, my good friend, why should people not know? Have you perchance stolen it?

Crispino. Excuse me. I am not capable of that.

Count. Then why should no one know it comes from you? If you have found it, and the owner does not turn up, I don't see why —

Crispino. [Laughing.] And yet I have my reasons.

Count. And they are? —

Crispino. Well, I am in love.

Count. I know it. With Nina.

Crispino. And if Nina knew I had this fan, and did not give it to her, she would be angry.

Count. Just as well for her not to have it. This is no fan for a country girl. Do not fear; I shall not betray you. But that reminds me, how do matters stand with you and Nina? Do you really mean to marry her?

Crispino. I confess I desire her as my wife.

Count. Well, then, you shall have her. This very evening, if you like, we will celebrate the wedding.

Crispino. Really, you are in earnest?

Count. In earnest. Who am I? What is meant by my protection? I am almighty!

Crispino. But Coronato wants her also.

Count. Coronato! Who is Coronato? A stupid fellow! Does she love you?

Crispino. Yes, dearly.

Count. Good, then: you are loved, Coronato is not. Depend on my protection.

Crispino. Most certainly. But – her brother?

Count. Brother! what brother? what of him? If the sister is satisfied, the brother has nothing to say. Depend entirely on my protection.

Crispino. By Saint Crispin!

Count. There now, go back to your work, that my shoes may get done at last.

Crispino. As your Honour desires.

[Count examines the fan.]

Crispino. [Aside.] The devil a bit! I forgot that Signora Geltrude sent me to look for Signor Evarist, and now I have found him and not told her. But his illness – the fan – in short, I forgot! I will call him, but I don't like to go to Moracchio's house. I will go to the Signora Geltrude and tell her Signor Evarist is found, and she is to have him called, only not by me. [Goes off towards the draper's shop.]

Count. What can it cost? Not much. Were it more choice, I would give it to Signorina Candida, who broke her own. But why should I not? It is not half bad.

Nina. [At the window.] Where is Crispino? Not there!

Count. The figures are badly painted, but it seems to me they are well drawn.

Nina. Oh, what do I see! The fan is in the Count's hands! Quick, quick, to wake Signor Evarist!

Count. And who refuses a gift? She shall have it.

Scene IXCount. Baron from the inn. Then Tognino

Baron. What! you abandon me?

Count. I saw you were not inclined to talk.

Baron. Yes, it is true. I can't resign myself. Tell me, do you think we might go now and try to see those ladies once more.

Count. Why not? I have a happy thought! Shall I make you a present, – a present that will make you cut a good figure in Signorina Candida's eyes?

Baron. What is this present?

Count. You know she broke her fan this morning.

Baron. Yes, I heard of it.

Count. Here is a fan. Let us go and find her and give her this one from you. [Gives it to the Baron.] Look, it is not ugly.

Baron. You want me then to —

Count. Yes, you give it. I do not want to have any merit in the matter. I leave all the honour to you.

Baron. I gladly accept this excuse, but you will at least let me know what it cost?

Count. Oh, a trifle.

Baron. Nevertheless, kindly tell me the price.

Count. But to what end? Did you not give me a present of two pistols?

Baron. I do not know what to say. Well, I accept your present gratefully. – [Aside.] Where did he find this fan? It seems to me impossible that he bought it.

Count. Well, what do you say to it? Isn't it a pretty thing? And just in the nick of time! Oh, I understand these things, I have much experience. I am well provided. There is a whole room full of nick-nacks for ladies. But do not let us waste time. Let us go. [Rings at Signora Geltrude's house.]

Tognino. [From the terrace.] What do you wish, gentlemen?

Count. Will the ladies receive us?

Tognino. Signora Geltrude is out, and Signorina Candida is resting in her room.

Count. Let us know as soon as she is awake.

Tognino. Yes, sir.

[Exit.

Count. Did you hear?

Baron. Well, we must just wait. I have to write a letter to Milan; I will go and write it at the apothecary's. If you will come too —

Count. No; I don't like going to that man's house. Go and write your letter, and I will wait here till the servant calls us.

Baron. Very well. As soon as you want me, I am at your service.

Count. Count on me, do not fear.

Baron. [Aside.] I do not count on him, and still less on the aunt, and yet less on the niece. [Goes to Timoteo's.]

Count. I will amuse myself with my book, with my beautiful collection of wonderful fables. [Pulls out his book, seats himself, and reads.]

SCENE XCount. Evarist comes out of Nina's house

Evarist. Oh, there he is still! I thought he was gone. I can't think how I was able to fall asleep amid so much distress of mind. Fatigue – exhaustion. Now I feel born anew with the hopes of having back the fan. – [Calls.] Count, your servant.

Count. [Reading and smiling.] Your servant, Signor Evarist.

Evarist. Will you permit me to say a few words?

Count. [As above.] In a moment I am at your disposal.

Evarist. [Aside.] If he has not got the fan in his hand, I don't know how to begin speaking about it.

Count. [Gets up laughing, and pockets his book.] Here I am, at your services.

Evarist. [Searching with his eyes for the fan.] I should be sorry if I have disturbed you.

Count. It does not matter, I will finish reading my fable another time.

Evarist. [As above.] I should not like you to think me impertinent.

Count. What are you looking at? Have I some spot about me?

Evarist. Excuse me, I was told you had a fan.

Count. [Confused.] A fan! It is true. Was it perchance you who lost it?

Evarist. Yes, sir, I lost it.

Count. But there are many fans in the world. How do you know it is yours?

Evarist. If you would have the kindness to show it to me?

Count. My friend, I am sorry you come too late.

Evarist. How too late?

Count. The fan is no longer in my possession.

Evarist. What?

Count. No; I gave it away.

Evarist. And pray to whom?

Count. That is just what I would rather not tell you.

Evarist. Count, I must know! I must have back that fan, and I will know who has it now!

Count. I will not tell!

Evarist. Heavens and earth, but you shall tell!

Count. Do not forget who I am!

Evarist. [Angrily.] I say it, and I will maintain it! This is an ungentlemanly action!

Count. Do you know that I have a couple of loaded pistols?

Evarist. What do I care about your pistols? I want my fan!

Count. How absurd! So much eagerness and noise for a bit of a fan which is worth perhaps five paoli!

Evarist. Let it be worth whatever it is worth, you cannot know that for me it is priceless. I would give twenty ducats to have it!

Count. You would give twenty ducats!

Evarist. If I tell you so, I promise it! If you can get it back I will gladly sacrifice twenty ducats.

Count. [Aside.] The devil! It must be painted by Titian or Raphael of Urbino. – I will see if I can get you back the fan.

Evarist. If the owner likes to sell it for twenty ducats, I repeat I am willing.

Count. Had I the fan, such a proposal would offend me.

Evarist. But perchance it will not offend its present owner.

Count. Perchance, who knows? My friend, I assure you, I am quite confused.

Evarist. Let us do like this, Count. This is a gold snuff-box whose weight alone represents a worth of over twenty ducats. Its workmanship makes it worth twice as much. Never mind; for that fan I will willingly give this box. Here it is!

Count. [Holding the box in his hand.] Are there perhaps diamonds on that fan? I noticed nothing.

Evarist. It is not of the faintest value, but it is of worth to me.

Count. Then I must try and satisfy you.

Evarist. I beg of you!

Count. Await me here. – [Aside.] I am quite confused. – But am I to give the box in exchange?

Evarist. Yes, yes, give it!

Count. Wait. [Walks a few steps.] And if the person gives me the fan, and does not want the box?

Evarist. I have given it to you. Do what you like with your property.

Count. In earnest?

Evarist. In earnest.

Count. [Aside.] After all, the Baron is a gentleman and my friend. Because of the twenty ducats I would not accept it, but a gold snuff-box – that gives an aristocratic, refined, well-to-do air. – [Aloud.] Wait for me here. [Goes into the pharmacy.]

Evarist. To justify myself in her eyes I would sacrifice my life, my heart's blood!

Scene XICrispino from out of Susanna's shop. The above.Then the Count, after Nina

Crispino. Oh, there he is! Sir, your servant. Signora Geltrude wishes to speak with you. She is here in the shop, and begs you to have the kindness to step in there. She expects you.

Evarist. Tell her I am at her service in one moment. I must urgently speak to some one before.

Crispino. Yes, sir. And how are you now – better?

Evarist. Much better, I am glad to say.

Crispino. I am delighted to hear it. And Nina is well?

Evarist. I think so.

Crispino. She is a good girl, is Nina.

Evarist. Yes, indeed, and I know she loves you dearly.

Crispino. And I love her too, but —

Evarist. But what?

Crispino. I have been told certain things.

Evarist. Concerning me, perhaps?

Crispino. To say the truth, yes, sir.

Evarist. Friend, I am a gentleman, and your Nina is a good, honest girl.

Crispino. I think so too. There are always evil tongues about.

[Count, coming out of the pharmacy.]

Evarist. There now! Go to Signora Geltrude and tell her I shall come directly.

Crispino. Yes, sir. [Walks away.] I feel easy now that nothing is wrong here. – [Aloud as he passes the Count.] I commend myself to you on behalf of Nina.

Count. Count on my protection!

Crispino. I desire it earnestly. [Goes into the shop.]

Evarist. Well, Count?

Count. Here is the fan. [He shows it him.]

Evarist. [Seizes it eagerly.] Oh, what happiness! How greatly I am obliged to you!

Count. Look whether it be yours.

Evarist. Beyond a doubt. [Wishes to move off.]

Count. And the snuff-box?

Evarist. Do not let us name that. I am but too grateful. [Off to Susanna's shop.]

Count. What it means not to understand things perfectly! I thought it a common fan, and now it seems it is worth so much, – so much, in fact, that it is worth exchanging against a gold snuff-box. No doubt the Baron would have liked the box. He was vexed that I asked for the fan back, but when I said I would present it in his name, he was mollified a little. I will now go and buy one like it.

Crispino. [Returning.] Well, this job is done. I like to serve Signora Geltrude. So you give me good hopes, Count?

Count. Most excellent hopes! To-day is a fortunate day for me, and all I do in it succeeds.

Crispino. Let us hope this will succeed too.

Count. Most undoubtedly! Hi, Nina!

Nina. [Comes out of her house testily.] What do you want now?

Count. Do not be angered so quickly. I want to do you a service. I want to marry you.

Nina. I don't need you for that.

Count. With some one to your taste.

Nina. And I say no!

Count. With Crispino.

Nina. With Crispino?

Count. Aha, what do you say now?

Nina. With all my heart!

Count. There, Crispino, you see what my protection means!

Crispino. Yes, sir, I see.

Scene XIIMoracchio from the house. The above

Moracchio. What are you doing here?

Nina. What does it matter to you?

Count. Nina is going to be married under the ægis of my protection.

Moracchio. As you like, sir; and she must consent, whether she like it or no.

Nina. [Gravely.] Oh, I will consent dutifully.

Moracchio. The better for you!

Nina. And to show you I consent, I will give my hand to Crispino.

Moracchio. [Amazed.] But – Count —

Count. [Placidly.] Let them be.

Moracchio. But, Count, did you not give your word to Coronato?

Scene XIIICoronato from the inn. The above

Coronato. Who is talking about me?

Moracchio. Come here, and behold! The Count wants my sister to marry —

Coronato. [Anxiously.] Count!

Count. I am a just man and a nobleman, a sensible protector and human. Nina does not want you, and I cannot, and must not, and will not use violence!

Nina. And I want Crispino, though the whole world oppose it!

Coronato. [To Moracchio.] And what say you?

Moracchio. [To Coronato.] And what say you?

Coronato. I don't care a fig! Who does not want me, does not deserve me!

Nina. That is the saying.

Count. [To Crispino.] See the results of my protection!

Coronato. Count, I have sent the second barrel of wine.

Count. Bring me the bill, and I will pay it. [While speaking, he pulls out the gold snuff-box, and ostentatiously takes snuff.]

Coronato. [Aside.] He has a gold snuff-box – he can pay.

[Exit.

Moracchio. [To Nina.] Well, you have had your way after all.

Nina. So it seems.

Moracchio. And if you repent, it will be your affair.

Count. She will never need to repent. She has my protection.

Moracchio. Bread seems to me better than protection.

[Exit.

Count. And when shall we hold the wedding?

Crispino. Soon.

Nina. Yes, soon.

Scene XIVBaron from the pharmacy. The above

Baron. Well, Count, have you seen Signorina Candida, and have you given her the fan? Why would you not let me have the pleasure of giving it her myself?

Nina. [Aside.] What! Signor Evarist has not got it!

Count. I have not yet seen Signorina Candida, and as for the fan, I have others, and have destined a better one for her. Oh, here is Signora Geltrude!

Scene XVGeltrude, Evarist, and Susanna, all three come out of Susanna's shop

Geltrude. [To Susanna.] Do me the favour of telling my niece to come down. I must speak to her.

Susanna. I go at once. [Goes to the villa, knocks, they open, she enters.]

Geltrude. [Softly to Evarist.] I do not wish the Count and the Baron to go into the house.

Count. Signora Geltrude, the Baron and I were just about to visit you.

Geltrude. I am obliged for the polite intention. The evening is so fine, we can talk out of doors.

Baron. So you have come back, Signor Evarist?