Intertwined Fates

Maybe these premonitions and visions are wrong? Since nothing has happened between us in four months, it is stupid to hope for anything further. When we present the project, there will be nothing else connecting us. No matter how hard it is, it is better to let go of something that has not yet really begun.

If this is fate, then he will come back.

Chapter 4. Two of Cups, King and Queen

Everything the anima touches becomes numinous – unconditional, dangerous, taboo, magical. She affords the most convincing reasons for not prying into the unconscious, an occupation that would break down our moral inhibitions and unleash that had better been left unconscious and undisturbed. for life in itself is not good only, it is also bad. Because the anima wants life, she wants both good and bad.

C. G. Jung. Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious

Our path is one, Love!

Merge us into one heart!

Scarlet, scarlet blood,

Prophetic, prophetic heart…

Z. Gippius. 1901

In just a couple of days, the presentation of our project will take place. How much effort and hope has been put into it! And now, very soon, we, a beautiful couple of young scientists, will go on stage to talk about the fruits of our labor.

The thoughts of this event were so exciting that I could not fall asleep, tossing and turning in the hard bed. The realization that dozens of eyes would be watching us closely, and that I would again be dangerously close to him, was intoxicating.

I brewed some herbal tea before going to bed and smiled at my thoughts. I tried to reach the star. It was looming very close – we worked side by side, I could already clearly see how he was starting to get used to me, how his sympathy and interest were awakening and… nothing? And what next? Will the star apparently continue to tremble like a teasing reflection in the puddles?

Okay, let our performance pass, and then come what may.

With difficulty giving up the thoughts that were stirring my heart, I gently fell asleep.

***

…I immediately felt how the dream was deeply captivating, drawing me into its world. These were not just bright, but superficial and meaningless pictures, as often happens. That night I acutely felt as if my soul was traveling, flying away to vaguely familiar ancient worlds.

I felt that I was walking barefoot along a dusty road heated by the sun, and someone was squeezing my hand tightly. It was him… My Leo – in a strange, gray tunic, and most importantly – with a child in his arms. We loved each other, but were deeply unhappy. I felt with my whole body a numbing pain, which happens when something irreversible happens. A feeling of hopelessness and fear that things will never be as before…

Everything inside was turning over from inexplicable anxiety. In this strength with which he held my hand, one could read stoic bitterness and humility before a heavy burden.

– Leo? – I called him.

He turned to me with a kind, sad smile.

– What should I do? How can I relieve you of pain? Please, tell me, – I felt the lump in my throat become more painful with each word.

Suddenly the forest behind him dissolved, and we found ourselves together in a small but cozy wooden hut. Bunches of dried herbs were hanging from the ceiling, the air was filled with the tantalizing aroma of fresh bread and honey, and on the table stood a tall, unlit wax candle. I reached out, touched the wick with my fingers – and immediately the fire flared up with a quiet crackle, casting an amber shimmer on Leo sitting in front of me, only now half his age. The tongues of flame were reflected in his expressive brown eyes, inquisitively studying me. I looked down at my hands and saw the white sleeves of a tunic beautifully embroidered with red thread. – Well, where are you? I’m waiting for you, – Leo smiled again with the expression of a child who had been jokingly offended. – I asked you to help me light the extinguished fire in me.

He nodded at the candle that had just flared up from the touch of my fingers.

– But how can I help you?

– Touch me.

Leo reached out to me, but I instinctively recoiled, afraid of burning him. Smiling slightly hurt, he removed his hand.

– I want it, I really want it! – I finally blurted out passionately, feeling the lights in my chest and lower abdomen flare up again. – But I already doubt whether I can do it. And as soon as I decide, you move away, not taking a step towards me. I’m tired of the unknown…

– I’m afraid myself. But I want it, but I can’t take a step towards you. Please, just go and do it first…

– But how? – I exclaimed, not understanding anything.

My sharp voice made the candle flame flare up and smoke with a stream of black smoke.

My gaze, as if under hypnosis, was riveted to the flame – amber-brown eyes greedily absorbed the power of the fire. Suddenly I felt how the warmth in my chest turned into a red-hot ball, the warmth of which filled me from head to toe, the whole room. If I touch Leo, it would spread to him. The blood inside seemed to boil, and suddenly it became very joyful and light – just a little more, and I would soar in the air. A wide, bright smile lit up my face, and a quiet, sincere laugh burst from my chest. And suddenly I felt the touch of Leo’s hand on my shoulder.

– Save me, – he whispered, gently pushing me to stand up.

I stood up, not feeling the floor under my feet and slightly swaying from the unusual sensation. Leo carefully picked me up, and I felt a powerful charge of hot energy run through my body from the contact of our hands. I raised my clouded gaze to him and saw gratitude and the fire in his eyes that he so longed to receive from me.

– Leo… – I whispered, but he suddenly leaned over and interrupted me with a kiss.

– Thank you! Don’t be afraid of anything. You are better and stronger than me, – he finally whispered feverishly.

He picked me up in his arms and with light movements carried me to the spacious bed.

– Kira… Do you know that you are not dreaming this? – he whispered in my ear, pulling my tunic off.

***

I woke up in a cold sweat, feeling my heart pounding. I looked at my hands – they were covered in goosebumps. My soul felt very warm, as if Leo had really spoken to me in that dream, and my body still bore traces of his hot touches. But how is that possible? And that child in his arms. Was I really dreaming this? I think I’m starting to go crazy…

Getting out of bed to pour myself some water, I saw that the alarm was about to ring. There was no point in going to bed again. I filled a glass and went to the window, looking at the still-sleeping neighborhood and the rare windows glowing with light.

The veil of sleep came off like a wave from the shore, leaving something important in my soul. I felt strength and confidence growing in my solar plexus: I can’t leave Leo, he needs me and I have to do something. But what? The day after tomorrow is our project defense. After which nothing will connect us anymore. What can I do in such a short time?

Time to get ready for work. Maybe the answer will come to me during the day, as it often did before.

But the day flew by, and I returned home without answers. Friday evening was traditionally a time to indulge in solitude and sum up the week. Usually I asked the Tarot cards for advice for the coming week, but this time I thought that they could give me answers to the questions that were troubling me about Leo. Because my own intuition and power of thought seemed to have temporarily led me to a dead end.

I lit the white candles that always stood on the table and listened with pleasure to their crackling. The power of fire inspired and nourished me. I took out the deck and slowly shuffled the cards. A warm charge immediately passed through my hands – they had very strong energy. I tuned in, stopped the endless movement of thoughts in my head and focused on the image of Leo in my inner eye. Here is his wide smile, here is his mischievous look from behind his glasses, his stretched sweater, his hands shaking with excitement, here we are sitting next to each other on the couch in his office and carefree and laughing loudly…

– Cards, tell me, what are his intentions towards me?

I laid out three cards from the deck, opened them and was taken aback. They seemed to be saying: «We are showing you the whole truth and warning you. Act further as you see fit.» These cards had not appeared in my layouts before. There were simply no events in my life that would be in tune with these energies. Now the Three of Cups, the Devil and the Ten of Swords were looking at me in undisguised prosaicness. «In common parlance it is called „he played with me and dumped me“, these are his intentions,» I grinned.

What do these cards mean? It seems that Leo wants to share this fun with me, to have a glass or two of wine… But I knew that in love layouts the Three of Cups has another meaning – a love triangle. This ambiguous picture was plunged into absolutely black tones by the last card – the Ten of Swords. A man was lying on the ground, nailed by many blades, a pool of blood had spread under him, the sky and clouds were black above – harbingers of a storm. The worst card.

I swallowed nervously and closed my eyes. Leo decided to look beyond the boundaries of his moral standards and admit to himself that he is attracted to me, and he is even thinking about the possibility of a love triangle. But he is fully aware that this relationship will end badly, and is ready to cause pain – to me, and, perhaps, to himself and his wife. A love triangle causes pain to all its participants. – What nonsense… Nothing good will come of it anyway, – I shrugged and put the cards down.

Suddenly I felt how hot it was in the room. I was just about to get up to open the window and take a cold shower, when I immediately felt a strange cool breeze – goosebumps ran across my skin.

I turned my head sharply towards the window – it was tightly closed. The cool stream touched me again – this time on my other shoulder. Yes, it was most like someone’s light touch.

«I’m winding myself up because of anxiety, it’s just a draft,» I stubbornly tried to convince myself, but some ancient and wise part of me knew that this was not just like that. As if to confirm my contradictory thoughts, a cold stream passed right by my ear – and then the candles went out at once. The suddenly dark room was filled with light gray smoke and the smell of burning.

«What the hell is this?!» I froze, afraid to move. «Freeze» is the most ancient reaction to danger, and in situations of threat, both reptiles and people react the same way, trying not to give away their presence. At that moment, I did not feel like the mistress of the apartment – I was afraid of this strange cold stream.

I held my breath. A second, three, five. Everything stopped – and I jumped up abruptly, like a thief almost caught red-handed. I ran to the bathroom and locked myself in. I stood under the cold streams of water – they sobered me up, brought me back to reality, washed away all the gloom and obsession. «Well, I’m so impressionable! I got scared of some draft and hid from it in my own bathroom!» I smiled at my thoughts.

I got out from under the cold shower, wrapped myself in a towel. I turned to glance at the mirror, and… suddenly felt my foot slip awkwardly on the wet tiles.

In an instant, I found myself on the floor, miraculously grabbing the edge of the bathtub. A chill ran down my back: «My body reacted faster than me! I’m afraid to imagine what would have happened if my head or neck had been where my hand was… Brrr!» Something else was mixed in with the goosebumps – again that persistent cool stream of air, strikingly similar to touches. «What do you want? I give up!» I thought helplessly, carefully getting up. I returned to the room, limping slightly. And I sank down on the sofa, thoughtfully looking out the window at the numerous lights of the multi-story buildings. My eyes softly closed on their own due to fatigue, and I did not notice how I dozed off. Through my sleep I felt a cold stream of air touch my hand again. And gradually, when the outside world faded, this cold took shape before my inner eye.

– What are you doing here? – I exclaimed in fear, seeing Leo’s image in front of me, emerging against the background of thick blackness.

– You were thinking about me, and I came. I feel you, – he bowed slightly with his signature wide smile and brought my palm to his lips, leaving a light kiss on it. – Or have you forgotten?

– Let’s say I guessed, but I didn’t know. You are doing strange things to me – I haven’t picked up Tarot cards for a long time, and now thoughts of you won’t let me go. Do you know what’s going on?

– Our meeting was predetermined even before birth, – he nodded seriously. – And I was waiting for you – you yourself felt that some force was deliberately leading you here, to Petersburg. Ever since school, you have seen vague images of a huge corporation and new technologies before your eyes and anticipated my appearance, strove to find me and this place. So go to the end!

I looked up and, slightly squinting, stared at Leo, evaluating his words. «How does he know about my visions?» I shuddered. The look of his dark eyes was unusually serious – he stared at me intently in response, as if making it clear that what was said should not be questioned.

«And what do I need to do?» I whispered, as if under hypnosis, looking into his almost black eyes.

«Just be sure of your intention to reunite until the end, and I will come.»

…I opened my eyes sharply. The sensation of the cold stream’s touch still remained on my skin. I glanced at the watch on my wrist – I had only dozed for about forty minutes.

Some strong clot of energy appeared in the solar plexus and chest – my body had never reacted to any man before. And he’s right!

I really have had visions since I was fourteen – as if within the walls of a large corporation I meet a tall young man with a shock of dark hair, wearing glasses, so serious and playful at the same time, with whom we work together on a project.

Is there any point in resisting what is predestined? Maybe my whole life up to this point has led to this moment – how can you refuse the interweaving of fate?

***

The long-awaited weekend has arrived. Our event was split into two days, and Leo and I presented our project at the end of the program. So on the first day, I went alone. Leaving home at half past six in the morning, I set off on a long but already familiar journey from a remote residential area to the city center – Petrogradsky Island, where St. Petersburg began to emerge.

The spacious Leo Tolstoy Square opened up to my gaze, surrounded by intricately decorated building facades as dominant features of the island – stone lace the color of coffee foam, white chocolate and rose petals.

– Good morning. Today you are especially beautiful, – I mentally addressed the spirit of St. Petersburg, briskly walking to the coffee shop.

A smile did not leave my lips, my whole body was seized by a joyful and light feeling. Everything pleased my gaze, everything seemed especially bright and enchanting. There was a premonition of rapid changes in the air and the imminent arrival of spring, my favorite time of year, when nature awakens to life and gives new hope.

– You heard my call to give in to love, – I seemed to hear the answer of the spirit of this most mystical city in the country. – Relax. The days of triumph you have been waiting for so long have come.

Having drunk coffee on the go, while climbing the stairs of the old, half-restored building, I entered the venue. A spacious round hall opened up to my gaze, its numerous windows generously filled the air with light and opened up a view of the majestic building of the Mironov Theater, dressed in black lace.

Gradually, the hall filled with employees and lecturers, filled with the hubbub of joyful voices. Finally, everyone sat down along the perimeter, fell silent and immersed themselves in work. What was happening was truly captivating: this relaxed atmosphere in which people opened up in a different way, outside the framework of work, and most importantly – the common desire for knowledge that everyone present shared. Yes, they may forget more than half of what they heard the next day, but today everyone has a chance to learn something new, to plant a new seed of an idea in themselves, which can then influence their thoughts, actions and even their worldview.

Time flew by while they were working, and lunch came unnoticed. A small group of colleagues and I headed to a coffee shop across the street, sharing our impressions of the first part of the program along the way.

«You look gorgeous today,» one of them whispered in my ear.

My face lit up with a smile. I had just hurriedly pulled on a black jumpsuit made of flowing fabric in the morning, threw a strict black jacket over it, and casually shaded my lips with red lipstick.

But today’s outfit is nothing. And what will happen tomorrow!.. I couldn’t hold back a wide smile, already anticipating my triumph tomorrow after my long and careful preparations.

We were walking along a busy street, when suddenly my phone vibrated in my pocket. «Another spam,» I thought.

But I saw the notification on the screen and froze.

«How is the event going? By the way, there is an error in your brochure for it.»

«Leo,» I smiled widely at the most unexpected message in the world, warmth and light quickly spreading across my chest. Today, February 19, he wrote to me himself for the first time – not about work, not to corporate email, but personally, asking how my day was going. I felt that he needed a reason to write to me – let him at least start by pointing out my small mistake in preparing the brochure for the event.

«Kira, why are you frozen? Let’s go!» my colleagues called out to me. I didn’t even notice how I stopped in the middle of the crowd – the world around me ceased to exist, and I was enthusiastically typing the answer with my fingers reddened by the cold:

– We are all imperfect, what can you do. The event is going interestingly, and how is your day?

Raising my head, I could no longer hide the wide smile that gave me away. The girls exchanged meaningful glances and smiled: they liked to tease me jokingly about admirers. I was not a lonely girl – I was a girl on my own. And I took all the courtship of young men and attempts to introduce me to someone rather coolly – after all, my heart had been taken from the very day Leo and I crossed eyes at the checkpoint.

Funny, hopeless? But today, for the first time, I answered them with a sincere smile, and not a strained mask as a tribute to the game.

Another cautious step towards each other – as if we were rebuilding a once destroyed bridge over an abyss brick by brick. He ignored my question and only naively wrote:

– Schwein doesn’t scold me that I didn’t come?

– No, – I sent with a smiling emoticon, thinking about his excessive caution in relation to the one whom I treated as a mentor.

Eva Schwein treated Leo with the same slightly maternal warmth as she did me – she encouraged and involved him in projects so that he would open up and shine with the bright color of his mind.

We were her favorite «children» in a professional sense: silently and carefully working, a little apart from everyone, knowing that at one moment the finest hour will come, and we will carefully but confidently make our move that will amaze everyone. Far-sighted management usually notices this type of person early on and tries to keep them close, and her impulse to create an alliance between us was truly alchemical and fateful.

Leo felt her attitude – while many were afraid of Eva Schwein, he could easily come to her to discuss a project or express his opinion on a matter, and she also freely called him to her audience. In three years of work in the corporation, he grew from an ordinary programmer to a manager and chief scientist, and I called him «the soul of this place.» One mind or one strength does not decide anything – their harmonious combination is important.

While the others jokingly tried to matchmake everyone in the company with me, only Eva Schwein somehow knew who I really needed. And I alone knew what she wanted to see in work, and anticipated her desires. As if we had known each other for more than one life.

The first day of the event came to an end. Tomorrow I had to be here, on Petrogradka, at seven in the morning, on a cunningly planned and important matter for me. Since I would have to leave home at five in the morning, when the buses weren’t running yet, and then spend the whole day in an extremely attentive state studying, I generously rented a room for the night in a nearby hotel. Here they are – the costs of logistics in a big city!

Having locked myself with two locks in a room permeated with the same strange smell of dampness as the entire hotel, I watched a comedy before going to bed (it turned out to be about a love triangle, by pure chance) and fell asleep. Already at six in the morning, unusually alert for such an early hour, I carefully placed the keys on the reception desk and quietly slipped out into the street.

At this time, the streets of Petrogradsky Island were especially quiet, in anticipation of the first city dwellers rushing about on business. I had walked here all night long in the summer, but in winter it was a strikingly different picture. The narrow sidewalks near the intricately decorated houses were covered with a thin and loose, still untouched layer of snow, which in the dawn twilight and the light of the street lamps shimmered sometimes lilac, sometimes golden. The whole city was asleep on this Sunday morning, only I was awake. Making my way through the narrow streets, I came out to a spacious park, from behind the black silhouettes of the trees of which the majestic gilded spire of the Peter and Paul Cathedral was visible very close – once the highest point in the city, now a symbol of St. Petersburg. Quiet peace. Perhaps we could become friends with this city on this day and hour. Today the air was literally filled with the expectation of a miracle and a fairy tale, and I felt how a few hours would pass and the long-awaited triumph awaited me. – Give me a miracle today, – I whispered to the spirit of the city, looking at the high dark skies from which snowflakes were softly falling.

– Good morning. Are we sure we start at nine today? – a message from Leo arrived with an unexpectedly loud sound.

I shuddered, stopped in front of a small dark park and took a deep breath. And here come the miracles! Now I have to try to perceive Leo’s messages as a matter of course. But my heart began to dance joyfully. He could have asked anyone, or looked at the program of the event, but he chose to write to me this morning.

– Good morning! At 9.30 a.m., – I answered.

– Why didn’t you tell me earlier? Why did I get up so early?

– At least I have time to get ready. I’m already in Petrogradskaya, I spent the night in a hotel.

– Wow! Sounds like an interesting way to spend time.

– Well, not really, it’s just that I have things to do here in the morning, and it would be a long way from the outskirts. See you soon!

I put my phone in my bag, not trying to hide my wide smile, although who would see me in the dark on a deserted street? A little more, and I would have started dancing near this deserted park. Fluffy snow swirled in the dim orange light of the lantern and softly fell to the ground, and only my steps with a quiet crunch cut through the trembling pre-dawn silence of such a young, but already aged from the burden of history city.

The door I needed was hidden behind an inconspicuous column in the wall. Seven in the morning. I knocked and entered a small room. One of its walls was completely covered with mirrors with bright lighting, the other, on the contrary, consisted of only windows – a little time will pass, and the narrow room will be completely flooded with light. I walked in and carefully sat down on a chair opposite the mirror, in which my face was reflected, snatched from the gloom of the room by the harsh light of the diodes.