Intertwined Fates

He jumped up abruptly and went to the calendar on the wall. I again involuntarily glanced at his graceful, thin, tall figure in a white coat – he was full of vitality and energy. People like him are endowed with natural grace and lightness, but they don’t pay attention to it, hovering somewhere in the clouds. They are usually passionately interested in something outside themselves, like Leo is passionate about science, and they channel all their energy into it, not caring much about their appearance or health. After all, there are so many interesting things in the world besides this!

– Yes, there are a lot of things to do! – he concluded, sliding his finger along the calendar. And, slightly embarrassed and as if stepping over himself, he added. – By the way, I wish you a pleasant these very…

– Thank you, and a pleasant these very ones to you, – I mimicked him, feeling how inside his first awkward attempt to say something pleasant to me responded with bright joy.

– Have a nice vacation!

I stood up, clutching a notebook and pen to my chest. A wide smile did not leave my lips.

– Don’t think too much about work. We will definitely cope, – I blurted out at the end, awkwardly and embarrassedly raising my thumb up.

He walked towards the lab with his hurried gait, but turned to me. His face with its casual stubble reflected a wide smile, and the look in his large dark eyes expressed a mixture of confusion, joyful playfulness and… timid hope?

«We’ll manage, where else?» he chuckled, and I noticed how he also unconsciously made a semblance of a gesture with a finger up. People subconsciously copy the body language of those they like.

I went out into the corridor and felt how I was filled with lightness and calm confidence that everything was going as it should.

As soon as I returned to the office, the boss assigned a new task – to sign a stack of documents from employees. I immediately understood why this was a great idea. I chose and put the documents for Lev’s department in a stack. «A good chance to sign the whole stack at once and… see him again,» I noted to myself, and half an hour later I was standing in his doorway again with a stack of papers.

He confidently snatched the folder from my hands and led me into his bright office with a round table and long windows under the ceiling. Bright cold light of a winter day fell in rays through the wide windows. Lev opened the folder and began to examine the documents with feigned fastidiousness. I realized that we were standing too close to each other, straightened my shoulders and, as if by chance, turned my head to the papers with a deliberately captivated look, revealing my graceful long neck to his gaze.

– What is written here? Men have an index of two in the premium coefficient, and women have an index of two! – he smiled cheerfully, and although I did not understand the meaning of his words, I was instantly infected with this smile. We looked into each other’s eyes for a few seconds.

He lowered his gaze and turned it to the documents. His hand fell on the folder, and he ran his finger over the signature of the chairman of the board of directors.

– Facsimile? No, the real thing!

I casually placed my hand next to him and ran my finger a millimeter away from him, checking the authenticity of the signature.

– Indeed, the real thing. Please call me the next employees to sign…

He kindly invited me to sit in his office and went off to the lab. I consulted the incoming employees, feeling that every pair of eyes that glanced at me was to my advantage.

«They are probably curious about who this young girl is, with whom their boss talks for so long, laughs so loudly, and now she is sitting in his chair. They will start discussing. Let it be so, the more attention I attract, the better, I will begin to associate myself with Lev and take my place.»

Some employees were not there, and we agreed that I would come for the documents tomorrow. I was about to leave when a young, black-haired girl in a turtleneck came up to me. Involuntarily running her gaze over me, she said with poorly concealed irritation:

– It seems you forgot some documents there.

I was amused by this reaction, and with an exaggeratedly polite expression I answered:

– No, everything is fine, they will remain with you for signature until tomorrow.

The next day, I was already impatiently standing in the endlessly long white corridor from the very morning and pressing the doorbell at the treasured blue door. Usually one of the lab assistants opened the door for me so that the director did not have to run himself. But now the door opened, and Lev stood in front of me, holding some kind of drawing in his hands. Today he was clean-shaven and dressed in a neat white shirt, emphasizing his aristocratically thin facial features and concentrated gaze – there was no trace left of yesterday’s stretched sweater and slight stubble. I wanted to believe that these changes were connected with me, that an exciting desire to please had awakened in him too. Perhaps the reasons were different, but I was unable to give up this romantic illusion.

«Hello, Leo,» I said barely audibly, as if I was afraid that by calling him by a diminutive form of his name I was crossing the line, but at the same time I wanted to boldly cross it. «I’m going to get some documents.»

«Yes, of course, here you go,» he eagerly rushed into the office and brought out a folder.

He handed it to me, hesitating and not in a hurry to let go of it. I looked up, and our gazes met again, lingering on each other. A warm fire flared up all over my body again.

Frightened that I was looking into his eyes for too long, I quickly snatched the folder and took a step back, pressing my back against the door.

«Have a nice day,» I nodded at last, then pressed the handle and disappeared into the corridor.

Finally, the ice between us began to melt! My thoughts were already far away… And yet, do I dare to dream of something more?

***

December 29. I grabbed my suitcase and stepped over the threshold of the airport. A few more hours and I would be in Moscow, together with Kate, my childhood friend.

My soul was filled with joyful anticipation. We maintained a close connection and were planning to celebrate the New Year together for the eighth year. There was absolute trust and respect between us, friendship over the years made us sisters, withstanding all the storms of conflicts and mistrust with dignity. We were united by a common outlook on the world, humor and memories, and in case of trouble, each of us was ready to lend a shoulder and offer our help.

The meeting at the airport was noisy and filled with poorly restrained joy. I hugged Kate tightly. We will always have each other. Now here, when we moved to two capitals from Siberia at the same time, we had no one but each other. We vied with each other to share impressions and emotions, standing in the cold and waiting for a taxi home.

In the morning, I opened my eyes and stretched with pleasure, looking around at Kate sleeping on the neighboring sofa and the modest interior of our shelter with a view from the window of a snow-covered metropolis. Large flakes of snow were falling softly outside the window, and loose snowdrifts had grown on the roofs overnight. In the middle of the room stood a tall artificial fir tree – we still had to decorate it today. Without wasting time, we got up, prepared a simple breakfast and went to the city center for a walk.

As soon as we left the metro, I felt how I wanted to straighten my shoulders and stretch out, looking up.

I finally took a deep breath, feeling how much the narrow streets and gloomy low sky of St. Petersburg had been squeezing me all this time. Moscow inspired and carried me away. The monumental grey high-rises of New Arbat rose in a long row, divided on both sides by a wide avenue, at the end of which the ivory-coloured high-rises of Kutuzovskaya and the glass monoliths of Moscow City could be seen. Old Arbat ran parallel to the New one, creating an interesting mix of styles – the light facades of low-rise houses with stucco and the laconic grey of the skyscrapers played in contrast with each other. The trees along the avenues were richly decorated with golden and red balls, people scurried along the spacious sidewalks, and the wide multi-lane roads, like an avalanche, were filled with a dense stream of cars, menacingly approaching and quickly rushing past. Everyone was hurrying somewhere on this sunny day in the scenery of a generously decorated city, the snow crunched under the feet of hundreds of boots, the hubbub of voices was heard, and a general joyful excitement hung in the air.

Festive joyful jitters, anticipation of a magical night when you can throw off all your worries and leave them in the old year, entering a new period of life, where there will be 365 chances to get closer to your dream. Fluffy snowflakes, bright garlands, soft cinnamon buns and glasses of mulled wine in your hands, heartfelt conversations with Kate, a sea of laughter and smiles. Having moved to St. Petersburg, I was so afraid of being alone on this important holiday, and now, celebrating it with a close friend, I felt that life was welcoming and leading me in the right direction. Kate and I moved quite recently, in the heat of youth we began to conquer big cities – we had immeasurable energy and desires. And a happy life loomed ahead, brighter every day, and so many opportunities! We finished decorating the tree, threw silver tinsel on top, took a glass of champagne in each hand and sat down on the sofa, discussing the latest news for the past six months.

After a little hesitation, I finally decided to share my joy with Kate.

– Do you remember how I once told you about Lev? The one I liked and with whom we were assigned to do a project together, but in the end, at our first meeting, he called everything bullshit and laughed at the rector?

I was inspired and felt my thoughts being entangled in a pink haze. Taking a sip of champagne, I continued.

– We saw each other the other day. You know, it’s funny, I put on a nice blouse, and he suddenly became so kind to me! He even volunteered to take a test and wished me a good vacation, and he smiled so much… Oh, these men!

But my friend’s reaction was not at all what I expected.

– Kir, are you still hoping for something? – Kate asked with a confused smile.

Her question abruptly cut me off, and I fell silent, unable to find the right words. My cheeks began to burn slightly from awkwardness. Yes, perhaps I shouldn’t have hoped for something, and so enthusiastically told my friend about my games with a married man.

And how could I have thought that something could work out between us, and his recent warm attitude meant something? Nonsense. Kate is right. We are just working on a project together.

– I hope? No… It’s just such amazing changes in behavior, I wonder. It’s all psychology, – I smiled conciliatorily, hiding my gaze and feeling my cheeks continue to burn.

And yet, I didn’t think that Kate and I could ever have misunderstandings. After all, before we shared absolutely all the news with each other.

I fell silent awkwardly and wilted, feeling the pink haze dissolving. From my position, his behavior seemed and felt different, but if you describe it to a third person, these were the most ordinary signs of politeness and good attitude. But how could this be! Then, sitting a couple of days ago in his office, I felt with my whole being how the space between us and his attitude towards me were changing. And these strange flashes of energy, physically felt as warmth in the body? I should not talk about this topic much, otherwise you might think that I am making up fairy tales.

– On the other hand, your story about Leo reminded me of someone. I recently read about such a concept as twin flames, – Kate thoughtfully wound a strand of red hair around her finger. – Have you heard anything about this?

– In general terms, – I answered evasively. – And what have you read about them?

– The meeting of twin flames is accompanied by a strange, paradoxical attraction, regardless of social boundaries. And it is very difficult to get rid of this attraction – after all, such people are deeply connected on an energetic level, and not for the first life.

She paused, carefully trying to find the words. Finally, she gave in:

– I’m afraid I’m wrong, because I saw this article two weeks ago. I’ll open it now, and we’ll read it together.

Kate opened the list of bookmarks in the browser on her laptop, and we stared at the screen with interest. Having finished reading, I thoughtfully leaned back on the sofa, listening to my feelings. When I remembered Leo, a strange ball of warm, even burning energy seemed to light up in my chest.

– That is, twin flames were once one whole on an energetic level, one consciousness, but decided to split into two in order to experience the nature of duality and reunite. The purpose of their meeting on earth is to experience unconditional love, to raise their vibrations and, subsequently, the vibrations of their environment. To love when everything is good for both of you is easy. But the main task is to awaken and preserve a sincere feeling inside, despite severe trials and tough conditions for relationships. Twin flames are the only ones who have the same frequency, so they are irresistibly drawn to each other – they know that only through reunion can they learn something very important and move to a new level of soul development.

Kate nodded vigorously:

– Yes, that’s right! I tried to express it in words, but I forgot the exact wording.

– There is another interesting aspect, – I put my hand to the flaming ball of energy on my chest. – This article says that there is a strong energetic connection between twin flames, connecting hearts. I wonder if the fact that I feel warmth and burning in my chest when I think about Leo is our connection?

– Who knows, friend! Time will tell, – Kate smiled. – I think I gave you a lot of food for thought. And now let’s set the table! It’s almost midnight.

We generously set the table, filling it with prepared salads, appetizers, meat and champagne. I froze with a glass in my hands, impatiently awaiting those special seconds when I need to make a wish.

It’s strange, but when the chimes began to strike, I couldn’t concentrate on anything. Just like on my birthday, Leo’s image stubbornly stood before my eyes.

– Let us finally get closer in the new year! – I gave in and whispered in those cherished seconds, already forgetting that a couple of hours ago I was ashamed of my thoughts about him.

I felt that at that moment the Universe was listening to me attentively, as were a million people around the world. I wonder what Leo himself wished for in those seconds?

After celebrating the New Year, I started getting up early again, as I was used to. In St. Petersburg, I got up every day at six in the morning to get to work on time, and on weekends I didn’t want to waste my precious free hours sleeping. Getting enough sleep was not one of my habits, and even now, visiting Kate in Moscow, I got up early, cooked breakfast and sat down to read another book. Next in line was a classic work on evolutionary psychology.

My interest in this topic was multiplied by the intoxicating feeling that my knowledge was needed and recognized by an authoritative person for me – Eva Schwein. Leo and I would do a deeply thought-out project and not lose face, it would be a real fusion of the energies of two people equal in intelligence and vitality. His appearance in my life was certainly alchemical, opening up in me tireless strength and interest in work – now it was done not mechanically, but with a spark, a piece of soul. One day I was walking along the streets of Moscow, richly decorated with New Year’s illuminations. My attention was drawn to the bright display window of a souvenir shop of a famous chocolate factory. I went inside and got lost among the abundance of sweets in bright wrappers, preserving the familiar and unchanging taste of childhood. This would be a good gift from the trip for my colleagues and… Leo. I must definitely bring him a small, non-binding present. I want to give him good memories.

***

White canvas of snow. Dark lilac sky. Beginning of January. The first day at work in the new year is like a clean slate on which I wanted to write a new, inspiring story.

I had a premonition that fate was gaining momentum, and now everything would begin to change rapidly. However, walking silently to work early in the morning along the trampled snowy road and looking at the infinitely high sky, I still returned to one thought. But not about Leo. I felt how the power inside me was growing and strengthening – the one that changed reality through thoughts, the one that set everything on fire in that bright dream at the beginning of the move to St. Petersburg, which still stood before my inner eye. What will this turn out to be for me? Am I ready to accept this power and learn to control it? If only there was a mentor who would notice these changes in me, support me and teach me what to do.

My thoughts were accompanied only by the soft crunch of snow.

But, having worked less than a couple of hours on the first day, I immediately received a personal invitation from Eva Schwein to come to her office. Usually, she did not bother to explain the purpose of the audience. Probably, it was a subconscious or even conscious move – she knew that she made a frightening impression on employees, especially on her subordinates, and enjoyed this feeling of power. Naturally, I climbed up to the second floor of the administration along the white marble stairs and felt a slight tremor in my legs – why did she need to see me in person?

Trying to be as unnoticeable as a shadow, I entered the stuffy office with yellow walls and carefully perched myself on a leather chair behind a long table. Schwein got up from her seat, walked around the table covered with flowers and postcards from her travels, and sat down opposite me.

– Kira, hi! How are you doing? – she asked in a friendly manner.

– Good, – I answered carefully, watching her reaction. I considered what I could say next so as not to upset her.

– I was told how enthusiastically you work on a psychology project. Do you like doing it?

– Oh yes, very much! – my soul warmed up, as if from the sun’s rays, and a smile spread across my face.

More than studying psychology, I liked to pass on knowledge about it to people. Having planted one seed, I influenced many people in the long run: after all, those who learned from me will change their perception and behavior, enrich their knowledge and then pass it on to their circle. Moreover, I loved teaching: by looking at a person and talking to them a little, I felt what kind of character they had, their interests and level of knowledge on the topic, and I could choose the right words so that the information reached them in an understandable form.

– Kira, I see great, but still untapped potential in you. There is only one way to work with it – through practice, – our eyes met, and I noted how warmly she looked at me. This confident, strong gaze seemed to hypnotize, not allowing me to look away. – I have long wanted to implement one project…

We discussed for a long time one of her original ideas on how to increase the trust rating of products through advertising in the media. Finally, Schwein, looking at me and as if scanning me with her eyes, nodded seriously:

– And remember: do not be afraid to practice! Devote time to this, and your powers will open up.

I raised my gaze to her in response, and without looking away, suddenly became slightly embarrassed. There was something patronizing and even maternal in the way she looked at me. I nodded slowly and carefully, then stood up and left the office.

When I found myself in an empty, bright corridor and exhaled with relief, a pleasant feeling spread in my chest. I heard and observed for myself how cruel she could be, how any inappropriate word could irritate her. But now I felt how carefully and gently she looked at me, how warmly she spoke to me, trying to create the illusion of an equal dialogue and at the same time not allowing me to forget that she was a leader and an authority that needed to be taken into account.

A thought flashed through my head: «And here is the mentor I wanted to find this morning. I think she gave me the answer to the question of what to do with strength – practice and practice again.» As soon as I thought about it, determination appeared in my eyes – I feel that my dreams can soon become reality. It’s time to change my life.

But at that moment I did not find the strength to openly admit to myself that one of my main desires was to be with a man who was already married.

The hardest thing was to fight with myself – after all, the forces are equal.

Nevertheless, under the crust of moral torment, I felt something else – as if I was right in my attraction to him and had every right to it. The only question is, why? I went down to the office and walked briskly to my desk.

– So how did it go? – my colleagues asked with interest, seeing my mysterious smile.

– Well, Schwein offered me a project…

Usually, a visit to Eva Schwein’s office was perceived as a call to the carpet. And now I was intoxicated with joy from the realization that I had not only avoided wrath, but also received an interesting project at my disposal, because she believed in my strength.

However, this was not the only pleasant event of the day. Having quietly put three liqueur candies, gifts from Moscow, and notes on the project into my bag, I went to the cherished blue door with a joyful premonition. Opening the door for me at the bell, a young man in a white coat did not ask me about anything and shouted into the lab room: «Lev, to you!»

I smiled sheepishly and went to the worn leather sofa in his office. There was Lev – with a light, quick movement, he jumped up and sat down next to me.

– How much time do we have for discussion? «I don’t want to distract you from your work too much,» I asked as peacefully as possible, continuing to show him my respect for his large workload and busy schedule.

«About half an hour, then I have to work, sorry,» he smiled amiably now, and there was no trace of the previous harshness in his tone.

«Okay, let’s get started. I’ve prepared the information for my blocks and thrown together a presentation. Here, look.»

I opened the bright blue slides on my expensive smartphone, the design of which I had spent a long time last week carefully working out the details. Leo, with unceremonious confidence, took the smartphone from my hands and pulled it towards himself.

«It’s more convenient this way,» he explained calmly.

He began to flip through the slides, froze, and carefully ran his finger along a thin crack in the corner of the screen. I laughed as I told him how I once dropped the smartphone from my hands, it flew past, hit the door, and crashed into the wall.

– What a beautiful presentation. You’re doing great! – he noted contentedly. It was obvious that he enjoyed giving praise – from the heights of his experience, and also because of his open, emotional nature. – I wouldn’t bother so much, I’d make a white background, black text, and that’s it.

– Oh, come on! Thank you! I tried, – my face was covered in a thick blush. – Do you want to see what a cool diagram of the brain I drew? Scroll to the last slide.

He stopped his gaze on the carefully drawn diagram of the brain that I explained in a simplified form the features of the psyche. The topic of neuropsychology was one of the most exciting for me, because it combined matter and spirit, body and soul. Leo looked at my drawing, silently picked up a notebook and began to make schematic sketches. – I would draw a diagram of the brain like we studied at the university, – he drew a thin line, – the new cortex is here…

I leaned over, fascinated, to watch his graceful, thin fingers draw a careless diagram. Discussing a suddenly discovered common interesting topic of brain development, we lost the original thread of the conversation – the analysis of the project. And at the same time, the count of time.