Intertwined Fates

– Remember! From the point of view of evolutionary psychology, emotions, likes and dislikes are your ancient signaling system of the body. They instantly appear as a reaction to external stimuli and tell you what to do, – I explained to the audience, striding in high heels on wooden boards. – That is why you should not ignore your emotions and feelings, you need to listen to them, to the wise voice of the subconscious, which allows you to live a bright and truly your own life, and not its surrogate. Isn’t that right, Lev Alexandrovich?

I turned and smiled charmingly at him. – That’s right, Kira. Emotions can often give better advice than logic and cold calculation. You don’t need to resist them – they are a powerful resource and advisor. Both in life and in managing a team.

An hour and a half flew by unnoticed, and here we were again standing together in front of the hall, showered with loud applause. We turned to each other, and joyful smiles lit up our faces. We did it!

– And now, dear participants, we will ask you to complete a short test at the end of the training, – the host announced.

The boss briefly threw in the direction of the girls from our department:

– You will need to stay later, help clean up.

I was overcome with slight anxiety, and I anxiously looked around at the hall. «What do you mean stay? They will write the test for now, then clean up… We agreed with Leo to go to a cafe to celebrate. He will not wait for me. I can’t miss such a chance, no-no!»

– Unfortunately, I have to run… – I approached the boss, submissively lowering my head, trying to come up with a plausible explanation on the fly. – I can’t stay to help you, I have… I have tickets. Sorry.

– Okay, go, but know that if we organize a common cause, then we are all responsible for it together, – she answered with barely concealed irritation.

I nodded gratefully and, throwing on my coat, ran down the stairs after Leo – into the winter twilight of the city. The busy street was brightly lit by lanterns and LED shop windows. Soft snowflakes swirled in the air. We crossed the road and went to the restaurant he suggested. For a few minutes we found ourselves right in front of the windows of our hall, and I tried to leave this line of sight as quickly as possible, not to turn around – I was afraid to see one of our employees there, watching how Leo and I were walking together in the direction opposite the metro. We calmly turned the corner and breathed a sigh of relief, continuing our journey, interspersed with casual conversations and jokes. Finally, we reached our destination.

– Well, let’s go to a family restaurant, – I joked, running my eyes over the sign, and Leo chuckled loudly in embarrassment.

We went deeper into the hall, sat down at a large table and began to study the menu. Having ordered a bottle of beer and khachapuri, we relaxed and gave ourselves over to a pleasant evening.

– We performed well today! Finally, it’s all over, I’m so tired, – he leaned back in his chair and looked at me again inquiringly.

– Yes, you and I are great! – I smiled softly and encouragingly.

They brought us beer poured into tall glasses, and we clinked glasses.

– So, how did they offer you the new position?

– Oh, it’s not a very pretty story… But I’ll share it with you. It’s all intrigue.

– I really don’t like these tricky games, – he nodded his head. – What’s the problem with calling an employee right away and telling them why they’re not happy with their job? I’ve noticed in our company that no one will tell you directly – they’ll take a roundabout approach until they fire the person.

Purity of intentions and soul, honesty, rejection of intrigue. That’s exactly how he seemed to me now, and I was drawn to him. I smiled warmly and took a sip of beer. That’s exactly what I valued in people, especially in men, because I was the same. Alas, there’s a lot of dirt and lies in the world… But how did it happen that Leo and I, both so honest and pure, found ourselves in such a sticky situation, having dinner in a restaurant in secret from everyone? I again involuntarily glanced at his ring, which he continued to restlessly twist on his finger, and looked away.

«If he was against getting closer to me, he wouldn’t have invited me to a café after the training,» I thought.

– Once, Eva Schwein called me and said that she wanted to offer me this position because, in her opinion, the person occupying it could not cope with his responsibilities alone. Did I have a choice then? Could I tell her to her face that she was wrong and that she should not act like that? She is a top manager, and she knows better how to deal with employees, – I bowed my head. – And honestly, I really wanted a promotion, and at that moment it was not that I could not refuse – I did not want to.

Having expressed this thought, I was at a loss. I had not yet had time to think about this situation, and only now did it dawn on me – I was not as honest as I considered myself.

– An unpleasant story, – he said slowly. – Now you will have to live with it.

– I know, – I snapped and took a sharp sip.

I had a premonition that we both would have a lot to live with, burying burning questions and memories inside. The restaurant hall plunged into darkness. The waiter came up to us and with a slight movement of his hand placed a burning candle on the table between us. I looked up at Leo’s face, illuminated by the dancing reflections of the fire, the reflection of the tongue on the tip of the wick dancing in his expressive dark eyes. He looked straight at me, also bathed in fiery light, and in his gaze an expression of… recognition clearly appeared?

What did he remember? Who did he recognize? What strings did this image touch in his soul? – Petersburg… Just think. A year ago, I was going to study in the Czech Republic – I studied the language for two years, saved money. But then something incomprehensible suddenly started happening in the world, and going abroad became unsafe.

– The Czech Republic. The beer in Prague is good, – he said dreamily in a quiet voice, resurrecting the events of the past days. – We went there once… With my wife, – he added after a brief hesitation, and again unconsciously began to twist the ring on his finger, as if trying to take it off.

I nodded with understanding, looking away so as not to show my pain.

– It must be very beautiful there. I dreamed of seeing Prague with my own eyes, I wanted to live in Brno. Now the borders are closed, there is no way to get in… It’s a nice city. Kafka lived there, I wanted to soak up the atmosphere in which he created.

– Kafka? He is my favorite writer! And also Lovecraft, – Leo exclaimed in surprise.

I looked him in the eye and smiled broadly. Just think, the second time that day an intellectual conversation with Leo, and it turns out that we have similar tastes not only in philosophy, but also in literature.

«How can I not fall in love with him?», I thought with a mischievous gleam in my eyes, looking at his face in the golden glow of the candle. Just like in that dream the day before. I hope I don’t lose myself in this dubious story…

– Really? I read them all in school! Only they are a bit gloomy, I’m surprised that you like them. I thought you were so positive.

– I liked to tickle my nerves, and there is something to think about, especially in Kafka.

«You like gloomy things. That means you will like talking to me,» I thought ironically. I was drawn to my opposites – cheerful, easy-going people, but I couldn’t imagine it working the other way around – that someone would be drawn to someone as serious and calm as me. Today our conversation flowed freely, we discussed various little things as if our dialogue had begun a long time ago and was just being resumed today.

«I can’t believe it. I’m actually sitting with Leo in a restaurant, we’re drinking and chatting one-on-one. Just recently, I couldn’t even imagine such a thing,» I glanced at him again, trying not to think about the fact that later he would go home to his wife. Now there were only us, and the rest of the world froze. He smiled slyly and brought his hand to the candle flame.

«What are you doing? Do you like playing with fire?» I winked.

«I wonder what he’s thinking now, how he perceives our evening?»

Leo took his hand away and I brought mine up, but immediately pulled it back when the hot air licked my palm.

«You have to play with fire carefully. Like me,» he smiled back at me.

We chatted a little more and got ready to go back. Out of habit, I was going to split the bill, but he confidently brought the card to the terminal, left a generous tip and headed to the cloakroom. This surprised me in a pleasant way, because I had hardly been treated to anything in restaurants before.

We went down to the metro.

«Would you like me to show you the secret of Petrogradka?» his eyes sparkled cheerfully.

He led me to gate 9 – ¾ was cut out near the number. The same platform from Harry Potter.

«They say they tried to paint over it many times, but it didn’t work. You can take a running jump, I’ll make sure, – he looked through the gap between the gate doors to check if the train was coming, then looked at me and laughed.

Entering the arriving carriage, we stood very close to each other. The day was drawing to an end, and so were our strengths.

– Now at home I’ll be washing off my makeup for five thousand, – I said casually, looking at Leo and me’s reflection in the carriage door.

– Five thousand? Five thousand! For what? For a fleeting pleasure? – He widened his eyes in shock.

– I think it was worth it. It’s just a moment, one day, but I will remember it, it will warm my soul for a very long time, – I shrugged and turned a sly look at him. – So what if it’s expensive? It turned out well, right?

He just chuckled sheepishly in response. «It’s hard for him to compliment, I know,» I thought humbly. The darkness of the tunnel in the windows gave way to light and a long row of white columns – we had entered the station. I looked up:

– Here is my station. Well, bye…

I didn’t finish. Leo suddenly leaned over and hugged me. My heart jumped, goosebumps ran through my body.

– We’ll see each other again, – I whispered, and my voice, my whole being was flooded with trembling tenderness.

– Of course, where else would we go? – he smiled back.

I jumped out of the carriage and headed for the transition to another line. What had just happened? I didn’t dare believe my own happiness, but it broke through the usually cold expression of my face with a dreamy smile.

I was bursting with jubilation. Today he, usually so inaccessible, dodgy, disguising his emotions and feelings with jokes, was unlike himself: he showed interest, attention and even care. And these changes happened so unexpectedly and abruptly…

But what will come of this? Will we regret it? Now I am happier than I have been in twenty-two years of my life. And I stubbornly did not want to look at the possible dismal future of our relationship.

***

Two days later, a new task came down to all the speakers of the event – to record a short video explaining the homework for their block.

– Are we filming this somehow centrally? – I immediately received a message from Leo.

– Probably not, each in his own block. We can meet in the conference room at one o’clock and record, – I typed.

My heart warmed. Instead of contacting the organizer directly, he preferred to write to me. On the outside, he was brave, he was a star, he could find a common language with anyone, but in reality, he preferred to turn to a reserved, reasonable girl ten years younger than him, who allowed him to get used to her slowly and patiently.

Before leaving for filming, I immersed myself in work in order to have time to finish the report. In my gut, I felt some unspoken question hanging in the air, but I decided not to be distracted by it. Nevertheless, it still caught up with me.

– And you and Leo looked so good yesterday! – Angela’s words burst out in the silence of the office like a bolt from the blue.

I raised my head sharply and saw that my colleague, with whom I had confidentially shared the secret in the fall, was looking at me with a sly smile. This phrase sounded unexpected, but I felt that it had been brewing in her all morning. It was a statement that implied a question – «What is going on between you?»

I remembered how many of the participants had glanced at us in surprise that day – there were thirty witnesses to the unusual scene. Was it really that obvious? Many people understood the situation without words. Perhaps someone even saw our escape into the depths of Petrogradsky Island through the window.

– Oh, thank you! We somehow dressed up in business suits then without saying a word. This is an important event, after all, – I playfully redirected the conversation, realizing that we «looked good» clearly not only in terms of appearance. – Sorry, I have to run.

Anyway, we have witnesses. The situation is gaining momentum. It’s very strange that this doesn’t scare me at all – I’m not afraid of gossip or condemnation.

Of course! After all, I can judge myself more harshly than anyone else. But when I thought about Leo, only the determination to be with him was born inside. Remorse strangely retreated.

I grabbed a notebook and flew out of the office to meet the hero of my dreams. My heart was beating unevenly. We entered a deserted conference room. The spacious room was plunged into darkness, only the dim light of the lamps near the stage illuminated the first rows of chairs upholstered in blue fabric. Having sat down on the chairs next to the stage, we laid out our notebooks on the table next to us and set up the camera on the phone to record an explanation of the task for the program participants.

– And what are we going to tell them? – Leo asked, puzzled.

– I don’t know, I haven’t come up with anything yet. Any ideas?

We started throwing out sentences together, making up tasks on the fly. Finally, Leo confidently grabbed my notebook and began summarizing our thoughts in his sweeping handwriting. I watched with warmth as he left marks on my paper – I would later look at his uneven lines with bated breath and a smile, a small trace of his presence in my life.

– What handwriting do you have! I just don’t understand anything.

– Initially, I wanted to study to be a pharmacist. And my handwriting is appropriate! But somehow it didn’t work out.

We quickly repeated the speech and sat down in front of the camera. Leo turned around with displeasure at the lectern standing on the stage and climbing into the frame. We could have simply moved to the neighboring seats, but he jumped up and began to lift it and drag it to the other end of the stage. I watched with a smile as he demonstratively tried to show off his physical strength.

Finally, they started recording videos for the participants. How harmoniously we looked together in the frame! He tried hard to remember the words he had written down in his notebook on the fly, and I couldn’t help but laugh lightly and smile broadly.

– Are you going to watch it again before sending it? – I turned to him.

– No, send it like this, I don’t care. I trust you completely, you can show the video with me to anyone you want. And do whatever you want, I don’t mind, – he blurted out quickly, and I noticed a hint of fervor in his voice.

Suddenly I moved closer, barely touching his shoulder with my head, and smiled shyly.

– Okay, thank you, I’ll take that into account, – I said softly.

He gave me a warm look, in which silent agreement flashed, and in front of me he opened the messenger on his phone. My chat caught my eye – but only a photo was smiling on the screen, and instead of a name there was a phone number.

– Oh, so that’s how it is? – My usual mask of restraint had already fallen off, and I decided to either be frank or fool around. – And you know, I’m offended! It’s a shame that you didn’t write me down in any way, and I’m just a number to you, I don’t even have a name! After everything that happened between us.

Leo laughed and, having confusedly explained why he almost never writes down numbers in his phone book, began to get ready.

– Okay, as you wish, – I shrugged my shoulders and returned to work.

The day was drawing to a close, and a holiday weekend was ahead. After work, I went to a cozy coffee shop and started editing the video we had shot. Accidentally mixing up the settings, I turned our voices into the voices of cartoon characters, and while watching the video, I couldn’t hold back my tears of laughter.

I opened the messenger and was surprised to find that now, instead of an empty avatar, Leo’s photo was flaunting next to his contact. My quick thought process figured out that this meant only one thing. «His photo is only available to those he added to his contacts. He finally heard me today, he cares that I was offended as a joke! How cute,» I smiled and I exhaled happily.

– Look, look! It turned out cool, – I sent him a funny video.

– Great, leave it like that! – I received a reply with laughing emoticons, and he found an excuse to continue the conversation. – Are you still at work?

– Oh, no, I went home, I’m just editing the video. By the way, I forgot to congratulate you on the upcoming holiday – February 23.

Конец ознакомительного фрагмента.

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Примечания

1

Translated by Andrey Kneller

2

Translated by Andrey Kneller

3

Translated by Lyubov Fedotova