Intertwined Fates

Fortunately, a few months ago I suddenly felt that I needed to buy Tarot cards. Many people in Siberia were interested in the topic of magic and fortune telling, and finally I also decided to delve into this topic. As soon as I got my hands on the box with my first deck, unpacked it and began to shuffle it, a strange warmth and calmness spread through my hands and body. I learned to read the layouts almost immediately – and now I turned to them in moments of doubt to expand my understanding of the situation.

And yet, if only I had a mentor here in St. Petersburg!..

***

I immediately realized that this was a dream.

Making my way through a curtain of thick gray fog, I walked along a leaning concrete fence topped with barbed wire. In the distance, a black flock of crows circled in the air. I lowered my eyes and jumped slightly in fright – every step I took ignited the dry grass. I looked back and saw that the field behind me was engulfed in flames, but most of the grass had already turned to ash.

There was no point in running – it would only make the fire worse. I made my way along the fence to the entrance and saw a gate, behind which… a small marble temple was white, with a flock of birds circling above its dome. Looking around in fear and seeing flashes of fire engulfing everything around, I froze for a moment, doubting whether I should step onto the low steps of the temple and burn it down.

«Don’t be afraid. Get up. Your fire cannot harm the stone,» I heard a high voice from behind the front door.

With a sigh of relief, stepping onto the white marble, I got up and walked inside, passing a high arch. I squinted slightly, and when my eyes got used to the semi-darkness, I made out three figures in the white rays of the sun, calmly drinking tea at the table and chatting about their own.

«Who are you? Why are you three?» – I asked in a trembling voice, feeling the cold of the stone floor with my bare feet.

– We were waiting for you. Now there will be four of us – and we will help each other, – said a stately woman in a black robe and leaned forward slightly. I caught a barely discernible German accent. A ray of light outlined her delicate features and soft light hair. – I will guide you and lead you to where your fire will burn away everything unnecessary.

Before I could utter a word, a second man – tall and thin – moved towards me. The light did not pick out his features, and he remained in the shadows; I only saw a gleam of the thin frame of his glasses.

– I am completely confused.

I immediately realized that the high voice I had heard at the entrance belonged to him.

– I know and see a lot – in science, but I am blind in life. I do not know where I am going. I want your fire to light the way and warm me. You and I have known each other for a long time, but I am afraid to approach you, – he extended his hand to me from the shadows, and white light fell on a thin hand, on the ring finger of which a gold ring sparkled. – Save me. Find a way to me. Your fire does not burn in this temple of science – we must escape, but it is scary to leave the familiar for the unknown.

I looked at the hand with the ring, fascinated, and barely leaned forward, feeling a strange trust in this man. And I felt a closeness to him, enveloping me like a warm blanket, covering me with a wave. As if we had really known each other for a very long time.

– And she? – I pulled away with an effort of will to nod at the girl standing with her back to us. – What does she want?

I squinted and saw the same light hair as mine. She turned her head halfway, and I saw the dull look in her brown eyes – almost as dark as mine.

«Her fire doesn’t guide me anymore. She doesn’t want to leave here, from the familiar walls, nothing inspires her anymore. I… now it seems to me that I confused her fire with yours a few years ago,» the man continued a little more quietly, but I saw that the girl, remaining motionless, continued to listen. «Help me see, help me warm up, help me break out of the walls and escape into the unknown.» I involuntarily took a step back and glanced at all three of them.

«I will help you,» the stately woman in black continued. It seemed that this voice was used to giving orders that did not tolerate objections, but with me she was unusually gentle. «Trust me. I will take care of all of you. We are waiting for you…

…I reluctantly woke up, feeling the rays of the pale Petersburg sun on me. I lazily opened my eyes, looked at the gray walls of a completely unfamiliar apartment, turned on my side on an unusually hard sofa. And only a few moments later, almost falling asleep again, I abruptly opened my eyes and finally woke up. I realized that now I finally live in the northern capital. Ahead was a whole long summer day to explore a new city that I had only heard about before.

***

I jumped up briskly, had a quick breakfast of scrambled eggs with black coffee, and, having fished a light linen sarafan out of the depths of my unpacked suitcase, began to get ready. Household chores could wait – first I wanted to take a walk in the heart of the city – on Nevsky Prospect. I wanted to believe that we would become friends with this city.

The heat in St. Petersburg was special – the sun’s rays penetrated the air saturated with eternal moisture, creating a real bathhouse on the streets. I got out of the metro, squeezed through the crowd, and looked around.

Here is the heart of St. Petersburg! In front of me towered the exquisite Singer building with a ligature of metal lace on the roof, crowned with a bizarre ball. And as soon as I turned my head and glanced along the Griboyedov Canal, all sorts of statues and ornaments on the facades of brightly colored houses spread out before me in all their beauty. Finally, my gaze stopped on the richly decorated Church of the Savior on Spilled Blood, huddled in the cramped space between the wall of the house covered with construction mesh and the high fence of the shady park.

I took out my phone, aimed the camera and took a photo – it turned out slightly blurry due to my pleasant excitement. «Beauty! People from all over the world come to see this city, it is depicted on all the postcards,» I thought, pressing the photo button.

But suddenly a shadow of doubt flashed in my heart. «Stop! It is so beautiful! Why do these landscapes not evoke emotions in me?»

Memories of how I walked along the bright and noisy avenues of Moscow and looked in enchantment at the tall glass skyscrapers flashed before my eyes, and my soul responded with a surge of strength. But how is this possible? After all, I wanted to move to St. Petersburg so much! And now I feel nothing?

– I thought that we would become friends. I wanted to come here so much. But I feel a little uncomfortable, – I shrugged my shoulders in confusion, mentally addressing the city.

And it was as if I heard a response from gloomy Petersburg in my head:

– I’m not your friend. But I have something to teach you.

I shook my head slightly, driving away the obsession.

I was fired up by the idea of moving to Petersburg back in childhood, when my friend Katya and I and other kids from school went here for a week on an excursion. Accustomed to a small town, we were enchanted, as if in a dream, floating along the narrow streets of Petersburg, and the city seemed endless. Then, succumbing to the ardor of youth and the intoxicating feeling that life was just beginning and before us was an endless sea of opportunities, we decided to go to study in Petersburg after school. Time passed, youthful promises remained in the past – and now I am standing here, but no longer surrounded by friends, but alone. I ran under the awning of a summer veranda of one of the cafes, sat down at a table, ordered a glass of apricot cocktail with ice and looked around. In such weather, exploring the city from the shade turned out to be a good decision.

– Kira, are you in St. Petersburg yet? How was your flight? Can you send me a photo? – a message from Katya (she preferred to call herself Kate), a childhood friend, a capricious hurricane of energy and emotions, appeared on the screen.

Back then, at school, we wanted to go to St. Petersburg together. And now she lived in Moscow, having moved there a couple of months before me, and we supported each other during this difficult period of adaptation. I knew that Kate and I would always be each other’s support, no matter what happened.

I sent her a few photos from the canal embankment and put the phone away, immersed in my thoughts.

«Will I find peace here?» flashed through my mind.

In Novosibirsk, at one point in my life, I felt anxiety to the fullest. Of course, for many, ghosts and other mysticism were just interesting stories to tickle the nerves, but I was closely connected to the world of supernatural sensations. The apogee was living in the same apartment with a ghost. An area on the outskirts of the city, famous for its crime, an old hostel, completely permeated with the smell of garbage, with cockroaches running around the entrance – and in it my small dark studio, which I rented for pennies.

It’s a pity that I ignored the casual phrase of the landlady: «For some reason, no one stays here for long.» And after a couple of weeks, I already understood why. Four months later, when long scratches appeared on the walls, and the next night my fiancé and I had small cuts on our stomachs in the same places, I realized that it was time to move out urgently. A hastily made and inept ritual of cleaning the premises did not help either – it only angered the spirit, which drove away all the residents, as I was told by a characteristic knock on the walls, a flashing shadow that knocked a napkin off the table, and short-circuited lamps. At that moment, the blood froze in my veins, and I, freezing for a moment, immediately grabbed my suitcase and flew out of the house like a bullet, sitting at the station for three hours waiting for the train.

Returning from my parents in a small town not far from Novosibirsk, I immediately informed the owner of the apartment that I was moving out, and never came near that damned area again. A little later, I learned from a neighbor that someone had hanged themselves or been killed in that apartment a long time ago. «This is a one in a million case, you were just unlucky with the apartment,» my loved ones reassured me, and I promised myself that from now on I would only live in new buildings – just in case. This would reduce the risk, because asking the owners directly if anyone had been killed in their apartment would obviously be strange.

But the time had come to turn the page of life. What could await me in gloomy Petersburg?

For some reason, an image of fire appeared before my inner eye – a guiding torch that illuminates everything around, a cleansing element, transforming, burning the old so that something new can be born in its place.

– What do you want to teach me? – I mentally threw the question into the air, addressing it to the bright walls with columns.

– I am a place where the past meets the present, and where people discover the impossible in themselves. I know you have it too, – I heard the answer in my head again, shook my head and began to hurriedly drink a cold cocktail. …and yet, I’m in St. Petersburg! Having looked again at the photo of the postcard-like landscape, I uploaded it to my psychology blog, which I’ve been running for five years now. It doesn’t really matter what I think about this city now and where I really want to be. Let my subscribers, parents, and close friends be happy for me. And even my ex-fiancé, who still follows my news on the blog after the breakup.

Thinking about him, I smiled sadly. I believed that we could overcome everything together – and I suggested that we move to a bigger city together, but he refused, deciding that he couldn’t leave his parents, and in Novosibirsk, according to him, he had his own interests and ambitions. He was a gentle person, but he remained adamant in his decision, despite my persuasion and arguments. Rose-colored dreams and rainbow pictures of family life, a shared cozy apartment where it was always warm and the sound of little feet could be heard, ice skating with the whole family were shattered by this short: «We are not on the same path.» It was not easy for both of us to make a decision.

I could have stayed with him, but between my personal life and my career, I chose the latter. Perhaps, the fact that between work in a big city and my family I chose the former put a careerist stamp on me in the eyes of others, but in fact I still believed in pure and sincere love… Maybe it was somewhere here, in St. Petersburg? When I remembered today’s dream, goosebumps ran down my back, and a strange warm feeling ached in my solar plexus – a desire to talk to the people from the dream again as soon as possible, as if I was sure that they really existed.

Coming out of the shade of the veranda, I went out to the bridge, decorated with statues of gilded winged lions. And she thought, admiring them.

There were never any problems with work: intelligence, hard work and common sense helped me quickly gain authority wherever I went. Alas, the qualities that ensure success in a career do not help at all, and often even hinder in my personal life. Attracting, igniting passion and tenderness, building deep mutual understanding and trust – the habit of working hard, firmly defending my position did not help in any way. But this habit allowed me not to hide behind other people’s shoulders, but to boldly move through life, fulfilling all my desires myself. «And love? The right person will not go anywhere, we will meet at the right time in the right place and get to know each other, no options,» I summed up my thoughts, eternally moving in a circle and leading to the same conclusion. All that remained was to be in the right place at the right time. Something told me that this would happen at work. On my first working day, I put on my dress white blouse and long black skirt and set off briskly. I got off the bus at the nearest stop and walked along a tight row of old gray buildings, using the navigator as my guide.

After walking for half an hour under the scorching sun in my new sandals, I finally noticed a tall business center building surrounded by an old concrete fence. I straightened my blouse and skirt, smoothed my long blond hair, tousled and wet from the long journey, and proudly stepped into the checkpoint.

Flags fluttered solemnly in the light breeze near the glass administration building. Everything seemed so new and… promising! At that moment, I wasn’t even embarrassed by the barbed wire on the slanted concrete fence, the shrill screaming flocks of crows, and the barking of a guard dog.

The first time I entered the small office where I was supposed to work, I saw my colleagues – young girls smiling affably, introducing themselves and vying with each other to tell me how they had been waiting for me and how many interesting things were waiting here. Their smiles echoed inside with a pleasant and warm feeling. «I’m definitely here,» I thought.

«Kira, this is your place, sit down. Here’s your laptop,» my boss, a smiling woman with long red hair, nodded to me.

Gradually, day after day, I got into the work, mastering all the basics and subtleties along the way. At first, I was given the task of conducting a marketing analysis of the market – studying competitors’ websites, media articles in the field of IT developments, then – to offer my ideas for a content plan. From the first day, I understood the importance of this work – it was not enough to write a program, it was necessary to strengthen the company’s brand, increase people’s trust in the products.

There was a special atmosphere in this IT company, almost in the city center, but behind an old concrete fence. Addictive, encouraging you to forget that there was a noisy metropolis just around the corner.

The work really did add up – there was a lot of it, and there was no chance to get bored. But it’s unlikely that my stay there was limited to business tasks. Here, as in any team, either from boredom or curiosity, the boundary between work and personal life became shaky. My colleagues found out early that I was single, and began their favorite pastime – matchmaking. «Our top management is always concerned about this issue and actively promotes the creation of couples,» the boss said jokingly, seeing how I, still very young, smiled confusedly and embarrassedly, blushing deeply. I considered interference in my personal life from the outside and advice like «take a closer look at this or that» hardly acceptable, but perhaps this was just a generational difference.

In addition, that dream about a burning field, a slanted concrete fence and a white temple of science would not leave my head. I felt such a strange closeness to the mysterious figures in that dream, and the place was strikingly similar to the IT corporation where I found myself now. But maybe these were just fantasies against the background of excitement about moving and a new job?

And so, involuntarily looking at the many men walking along the floors of a glass office building, and thinking for fun, «is it him or not him», a couple of weeks later I saw… him.

My heart jumped. A large shiver ran through my body as I watched, helplessly standing in the spacious hall of the administration, as a man on the street walked past a glass wall, immersed in his thoughts. That same tall, slender figure – like from a dream! It seemed that he was not at all hot on this stuffy summer day in a strict blue jacket and tight trousers. His shock of dark hair was carefully styled into an elegant hairstyle, revealing shaved temples, and a light stubble was barely visible on his face. The bright sun danced with golden reflections on the thin frame of his glasses, behind which his expressive brown eyes shone slightly warily, and… the ring on his ring finger sparkled.

Suddenly, I felt a warmth flare up in my solar plexus, like a fireball, and gradually rose up to my chest. I didn’t know this man at all, but my whole body was striving towards him, as if we had known each other for a long time and even been close. How was this possible?

Feeling my heavy, intense gaze, the man turned around for a couple of seconds and looked straight at me – but I knew that he hadn’t seen anything from the street in the reflection of the glass wall. After which he disappeared around the corner, taking a pack of cigarettes out of his inside jacket pocket as he went, and I remained standing there, breathing intermittently from excitement.

I knew who it was. But for some reason, only now, seeing him in person, did I feel his energy and understand: this is definitely the man from the dream. But where are the others, the other two women?

Yes, I’ve already seen him in photos, and more than once. Lev Aleksandrovich. How could I not know the face of the company and the main developer? It was worth opening the newspaper, turning on the news, looking at the honor roll – he was everywhere, telling about his success story or commenting on the development of new software.

I never thought that fate wanted to immediately drag me into the thick of things! And this after a very recent break in engagement, when it seemed that only a miracle could heal a crippled heart. Now I felt a strange confusion – thoughts were feverishly mixed up in my head, and the smooth floor was trying to disappear from under my feet. I did not understand how the appearance of one single person could excite me so much?

«A miracle? What a task for you, Kira Konstantinovna. And how can I work now, when I know that at any moment I can meet this man, and you will be thrown into a fever again?», I smiled awkwardly and shrugged my shoulders, returning to the office.

And before my eyes were already mixed pictures of fire, marble and three mysterious figures from the dream, the sparkling reflection of the sun in the water surface of the ocean, the shine of which imperceptibly turned into the glow of a gold ring on Lev’s finger.

That same evening I did not go home, but practically ran past the quiet brick courtyards. «I can’t believe it! Why am I drawn to him in particular? He’s married. This is some kind of mistake,» I thought.

As soon as I got home and took off my shoes, I immediately sat down on the carpet and began to search through my unpacked suitcase for the Tarot deck. I quickly learned to read the past, present and future in the ancient signs, and from then on I always turned to them for advice.

I needed answers.

«Does something await us in the future with Leo?» I whispered the question to the deck.

My hands shuffled the cards, and blue «shirts» flashed before my eyes. Finally, four cards fell out on the hard pile of the carpet. Burning with excitement, I immediately turned them over and recoiled. Who, if not me, would not know what they mean?

The Two of Cups, the Knight of Swords, the Queen of Wands and the Moon were looking at me.

The Two of Cups depicted a young man and woman against the backdrop of a bright cloudless sky, a spacious meadow and a small house in the distance.

The Knight of Swords symbolized a man, young in spirit, sincerely passionate about his work and ready to get into any argument, but not too attentive to the feelings of others. This is what people of science are usually like, those same «eccentric scientists» for whom the truth was more important than relationships with others. Looking at the card, I felt that Leo was exactly like this in character. And I already knew his character even before we exchanged at least a few words.

Looking at the Queen of Wands, I smiled warmly. Oddly enough, this card always meant me in layouts – a woman of the element of fire. Such a woman knew how and loved to set goals, make plans and not deviate from them under any pretext. Be that as it may, today in the layout this card points to me again, and, therefore, the appearance of Leo directly affects me.

The last was the mysterious Moon card – it has always been a symbol of night, mystery, hidden from prying eyes. This is the subconscious and magical abilities. And also, since ancient times, the moon has been a symbol of betrayal, a secret relationship, committed far from prying eyes, under the cover of night.

And this means that… The answer from the cards looked at me in its undisguised clarity: both Leo and I will be glad to meet, we will find mutual fulfillment and harmony next to each other… until something inevitable happens under the Moon.

Chapter 2. The First Sparks. The Knight of Swords and the Queen of Wands

And how frightening it is to discern it

In a yet unfamiliar smile.1

A. Akhmatova. Love. 1911

Foreseeing you, as years are passing by —

Your image is unchanged in my perception.

I cannot bear the lucid, blazing sky,

And so I wait – in love and in dejection.

A. Blok. 19012

Time passed, and I skillfully coped with the new job, enthusiastically shouldering a multitude of tasks. I still had to complete an internship and receive an invitation to stay to work at the corporation, but I was not at all worried and plunged headlong into the work of building a marketing strategy. Everything was going great.

But there was one «but».

Several hundred employees of the IT company were divided into two categories for me: Lev and everyone else. For everyone, I had a polite smile in reserve. But every time I saw Lev, something inside me turned over, and soon this inexplicable feeling crystallized into a burning sensation in the solar plexus. At the sight of him, I seemed to throw off the shackles of a familiar waking dream and look into the face of life itself, bright and sunny. But when I looked at him, my soul felt someone very close, an equal – spiritual strength, a thirst for life and a sharp, inquisitive intellect in this elegant, feigned silliness of a young man.

And yet, every time I looked at him and felt that we were about to say hello and start talking like old acquaintances, he silently passed me by. And I looked away in disappointment, biting my lips.