The Affair

‘So what do you care about? What would make you happy, Scarlett?’

I liked the way he talked to me, like he was really interested in what I had to say, like I had an opinion that mattered. I could have told him that what I wanted most was to be noticed instead of gawped at all the time, but I’m pretty sure he knew that.

I didn’t actually get the chance to say anything because just then a gust of wind caught the rain and blew it towards us. I turned to the side but he stepped in front of me, like he was protecting me. When I turned back to face him, I was too scared to look up.

‘Are you getting wet?’ he asked, whispering the last word.

He’d put his hand on the wall next to me, blocking me in and I had no idea what to do next. I’d had boys making crude comments before, but this was way different. For one thing, I most definitely wanted the attention this time. OK, I knew it was bad and Mum would be horrified if she knew, but I’d been dreaming of being this close to him. And in my fantasies we’d gone way further. But I wasn’t expecting it to happen for real and that’s why I panicked. ‘I’d better go,’ I told him.

‘That’s a shame,’ he said. ‘I thought we were kindred spirits for a moment, Scarlett. My mistake.’

He lowered his arm and trailed a finger down my arm, which sent this weird electric current through my body. It felt so strong that it seriously made me flinch.

‘Sorry,’ he said quickly. ‘You should go.’

I didn’t move, and I suppose I was curious more than anything. It was like I had this power over him. He was tempted to do something he shouldn’t, something that was very, very bad, and it was all because of me.

I looked up and whispered, ‘Or I could stay.’

I was actually daring him to move closer and I couldn’t believe it when he did. He pushed against me and it wasn’t the first time I’d felt someone with a hard on, but that had only been Linus and I don’t think he had a clue what to do with it. This was a man and he definitely knew what to do. He took hold of my hand and later he told me exactly what he had been tempted to do, but at the time he was being the perfect gentleman. He kissed my palm. ‘Run away, little girl,’ he said.

And I did run away, but I can’t tell you how much I regretted it. I played that scene over and over again in my mind afterwards and I swore that next time, I wasn’t going to let him off so easily.

5

The Accusations

Nina’s head was throbbing but she didn’t have the energy to move from the breakfast bar to search out painkillers. Rubbing her temples, she suspected the intense pressure around her forehead had been caused by all those months of sticking her head in the sand. How had she not seen this coming?

There had been plenty of signs that Scarlett was heading for trouble, if only Nina hadn’t been so preoccupied with proving to the world, and Sarah especially, that everything was fine. If she had been worried about anything, it had been Liam and his complete withdrawal from society. She couldn’t have named one of his friends, whereas she had met most of Scarlett’s, or the girls at least. Her daughter had been more circumspect about introducing her male friends, but as it turned out, Scarlett hadn’t been as interested in boys as Nina had presumed. At what point had she fallen for this man who had got her pregnant, the man who had abused her? Had Nina met him? Did she know him? According to Scarlett, he was going to support her, just as soon as he had told his wife.

Groaning, Nina dropped her head on the counter. His wife. She knew what Sarah thought, but what she was suggesting was unthinkable. She was wrong; except, no matter how many times Nina repeated this mantra, a seed of doubt had taken root in her mind and it was growing at an alarming rate.

She reminded herself that she was still in a state of shock. It was going to take a day or two for the news to sink in, and whatever happened next, it would ultimately be Scarlett’s decision. Her daughter would need to know what support her family, and Nina in particular, were willing to offer. Bryn had given no view on what Scarlett should do, but he didn’t disagree when Nina had said any ideas Scarlett might have about keeping the baby were utterly ridiculous. But this was an alien world she found herself in and stranger things had happened.

She had wasted too much time the day before, paralysed by fear while Scarlett and Liam hid away in their rooms. Bryn had been at a loss how to help, but had eventually got the message that his wife needed space too, and she had been relieved when he had gone out to work on Sunday evening. But the moment he had returned that morning and slipped into her bed, Nina had got up. She didn’t want to talk to him, she didn’t know what to say and, more tellingly, she hadn’t wanted him to touch her.

Was she really as blind as Sarah seemed to think? Had she been taken for a fool and willingly put her family at risk? Was everything her heart had been telling her a lie?

With her head spinning, Nina tried to straighten up and as she did, the overhead spotlights blazed into life. She wasn’t sure who was more shocked, her or Bryn.

‘I thought you’d left for work,’ he said when he had caught his breath.

Nina rubbed her eyes as she adjusted to the light and then looked at her husband. She searched in vain for familiar features, but her vision was skewed and her eyes refused to focus.

‘I’m taking the day off,’ she said.

6

Before

Tuesday, 13 October 2015

After parking her car behind Bryn’s taxi, Nina rubbed the back of her neck. It had been an especially long day at the shop which had been transformed into a witch’s coven for Halloween. After spending hours perched on top of step ladders draping gossamer thin spider’s webs across shelves stacked with autumnal wreaths and papier-mâché pumpkins, she was looking forward to a long soak in the bath, but before she could get out of the car, her phone started to ring.

‘Sorry I haven’t called. I know it’s been ages,’ Sarah began, ‘but I’ve been ridiculously busy.’

‘It’s all right,’ Nina said with a twinge of guilt. She hadn’t exactly gone out of her way to contact her friend either.

‘Anyway, I’ve got a spare five minutes and thought I’d check on things in the Carrington household.’

‘Thomas household,’ Nina corrected.

There was a pause. ‘Are you OK, Nina?’

Sarah’s remark hit a nerve. After barely two words, her friend was ready to assume Nina’s life was in freefall, which was why she had been less than eager to phone her. From the moment she had started dating Bryn, a lowly taxi driver and a bankrupt to boot, Sarah had been convinced Nina was going through a full-blown midlife crisis.

The question alone made Nina check her reply, but she felt confident when she said, ‘I’m fine. A bit tired, that’s all. It’s been a busy day at the shop.’

‘You should see my desk. I’m snowed under with paperwork and Miles has gone on strike. He has some major project at work that’s slipping, so he’s never here. I’ve got planning objections to deal with and, to top it all, the delicatessen has just secured contracts to supply another two restaurants.’

‘And that’s bad news?’

‘Oh, you have no idea how draining success can be.’

‘Couldn’t you simply hire someone to help?’ Nina said.

‘You mean the job I had in mind for my darling daughter until she decided to betray me and turn her back on her heritage?’ Sarah asked. ‘I told her the other day that all this pressure will put me or her dad in an early grave, but she wouldn’t listen, said I was trying to manipulate her.’

‘I’d be happy to swap you one career-minded student for a teenage cave-dweller.’

‘Ah, so that’s what’s bothering you,’ Sarah said. ‘I knew there was something. Did you have that talk with Liam?’

‘In a fashion,’ Nina said. ‘He wants to do something in computers but I have a suspicion he thinks he’s going to invent some amazing new program that will earn him millions without ever having to leave his room.’

‘Maybe the problem is he doesn’t want to leave home, as in, leave you and Scarlett.’

‘And why would that be, Sarah?’ Nina said, already knowing the answer. ‘We have Bryn to look after us now.’

‘The kids do seem to be getting on well with him.’

Sarah had been watching Bryn throughout their Sunday lunch the month before. Her friend’s eyes had narrowed every time Liam, or especially Scarlett had spoken to him. And when Scarlett had disappeared and Bryn had fetched her back to the table, Sarah had made a fuss about Scarlett looking unsettled. The only reason she was unsettled was because Sarah had pulled the ‘Are you OK?’ routine on her too.

‘Yes, they are. If anything, they’re starting to take advantage of him. I’m sure Scarlett thinks he’s her private chauffeur.’

‘It’s a shame he doesn’t get on so well with his own daughter. Did you ever find out why she didn’t show at the wedding?’

Nina had never met Bryn’s daughter Caryn who lived in Wales with her mum. Bryn and his first wife had divorced when their daughter was in her early teens, around the same time his printing business had collapsed. Caryn was in her early twenties now and from what Bryn had told her, she hadn’t had that much to do with him since his move to Sedgefield a few years ago. He had been hopeful that she would come to the wedding, but not surprised when she hadn’t.

‘I’m sure she had her reasons.’

‘Doesn’t that worry you?’

‘Why should it, Sarah?’ Nina said, too tired to control her frustration. ‘If Adam were to remarry, I’m not sure either Scarlett or Liam would be rushing up to Scotland to wish him well. I’m not for a minute comparing Bryn to Adam, by the way, I’m only saying that family relations can get complicated.’

‘OK, don’t bite my head off,’ Sarah said, her voice echoing because she had pulled the phone from her ear. ‘I only say these things because I love you and I worry. And if I’m honest, I worry most of all about Scarlett.’

‘You think I don’t?’

‘Of course you do, but you still see a little girl, whereas I can see a beautiful young woman emerging.’ Sarah dropped her voice when she added, ‘Is she on the pill yet?’

‘No,’ Nina said levelly. Through the windscreen, she peered towards her front door, which looked more inviting than ever.

‘It’s just that Miles and I were talking, and you know how impressionable young girls can be. They try to act all grown-up when they’re still children – and by grown-up, I mean doing grown-up things.’

‘I know what you mean,’ Nina said. ‘And you and Miles can put your minds at rest. We’ve had that talk.’

‘Recently?’

‘No, but nothing’s changed,’ Nina said, stopping short of saying that nothing had changed since the wedding, but she refused to play along with Sarah’s game.

‘Hmm,’ Sarah said.

Nina had had enough. ‘Look, Sarah, for the first time in years I feel like I have a fighting chance to be happy, and for my family to be happy. It might take time, but with patience things will settle into a new rhythm. Don’t look for problems that aren’t there. Please.’

‘I only want what’s best for you,’ she said. ‘As lovely as Bryn seems, I would have felt a whole lot better if you had drawn up a pre-nup, like I told you to.’

‘Well, I didn’t, and strangely enough I still manage to sleep at night. If you really want what’s best for me, Sarah, don’t try to get me to worry about problems that don’t exist. I’m sorry, but I have to go. There’s a long, hot bath with my name on it and I’m looking forward to relaxing. Maybe you should give it a try.’

Nina let out a frustrated sigh as she ended the call, but the sigh transformed into a groan when the phone started ringing again the moment she went to open the car door. The call was from a mobile number she didn’t recognize, and Nina was tempted to ignore it, but she went with her gut instinct which, despite Sarah’s doubts, turned out to be as reliable as ever.

‘Hello, Mrs Carrington?’

‘Well, it’s Mrs Thomas now.’

‘Ah, yes, of course, sorry,’ the man said. ‘Mrs Thomas, this is Rob Swift. I’m Scarlett’s form tutor.’

‘Is everything all right?’

Nina had received many calls from school in her time, but it was usually during school hours when one of her children was ill. Neither Liam nor Scarlett had ever been a cause of concern, certainly not one that necessitated a call from a teacher out of hours. Not once.

‘I hope so,’ Rob said, but his tone didn’t instil confidence. ‘It might very well be nothing to worry about, but sometimes I think it’s better to nip these things in the bud.’

After two difficult phone calls in quick succession, Nina dragged herself out of the car. The knot in her stomach twisted as she put her key in the front door. Inside the house, she imagined an idyllic scene where Bryn would be cooking dinner, humming to himself contentedly while Scarlett and Liam were upstairs in their rooms. OK, maybe it wasn’t idyllic, but at least her kids weren’t hanging around on street corners causing trouble. Scarlett had a stable family life and more support than ever before. If she was in trouble at school, she had no one to blame but herself. Sarah would have that ‘told-you-so’ look on her face when she found out, but Nina refused to take responsibility for this one. She could feel her blood boiling and when she stepped into the house, she would have happily screamed out Scarlett’s name but there was no way she would be heard above the commotion in the kitchen.

‘But you hate my friends! You’re only going so you can annoy me!’ screeched Scarlett.

‘It’s working then.’ Liam’s tone was light with just a hint of smugness.

‘I hate you!’

Silence.

‘You do know it’s fancy dress?’ Scarlett said. ‘What would you go as anyway? A zombie or something, because that’s what you look like most of the time!’

‘In that case I won’t need fancy dress, will I?’

‘I’ve got a pirate’s outfit you could borrow.’

‘He’s not going, Bryn.’

‘I am. And thanks, Bryn—’

Before Liam could finish, Scarlett said, ‘I’ll have it.’

From the hallway where she had remained, Nina heard Bryn laugh. ‘It’ll be too big on you. The jacket would be more like a dress.’

‘Fine, that’s how I’ll wear it. Can I try it on now?’

‘Erm, sure,’ Bryn said.

Bryn appeared from the kitchen first while Scarlett hung back for one parting shot at her brother: ‘Loser.’

‘Hello, I didn’t hear you come in,’ Bryn said, startled to find his wife standing statue-still by the front door.

‘I’m not surprised, given the racket those two were making.’

Scarlett squeezed between them and, ignoring her mother, said, ‘Where is it, Bryn?’

Bryn kissed his wife briefly on the cheek. ‘I won’t be a minute,’ he said, and followed Scarlett upstairs. Having temporarily lost her momentum, Nina went to check on Liam.

‘What was that all about?’

‘Eva’s throwing a Halloween party for her birthday and I’m invited.’

‘And are you going, or by some chance is this another way of winding up your sister?’

Liam shrugged. ‘You keep saying I need to get out more.’

‘So you are going?’ Nina repeated. She wouldn’t put it past Liam to keep up the pretence and therefore the tension between the warring siblings right up to the last minute. It didn’t bear thinking about. ‘I would have thought a room full of people, especially Scarlett’s friends, would be torture for you.’

‘I know you might not believe this, Mum, but I can actually function in the real world. I think I definitely will go now!’

With that, another of her children stormed off upstairs.

Nina dropped her handbag on the kitchen counter. These weren’t big problems, she told herself; no doubt a similar scene was being repeated up and down the country. So why did the feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach persist as she slipped off her coat and headed upstairs?

Liam’s door was firmly closed while the door to her bedroom had been left slightly ajar. One of the wardrobe doors was open and she could see reflections playing across the white gloss veneer.

‘What do you think?’ Scarlett was asking.

‘It’s a bit short.’

When Nina slipped into the room, she found Bryn standing close to the door while Scarlett was on the other side of the room in front of the bay window. The curtains had been drawn and the only light came from a bedside lamp, draping Scarlett’s tall and slender body in shadow. Bryn’s pirate jacket was swimming on her and its cavernous sleeves hung down over her hands. She was wearing opaque black tights, which was lucky because the jacket only just covered her bum.

‘What do you think, Mum?’ she asked.

When her daughter raised her arms and did a twirl, the jacket lifted up further. Nina was relieved to see that her school skirt had been hitched up rather than removed to give Scarlett at least a modicum of dignity.

‘It is a bit revealing.’

‘I was thinking of wearing it with a belt.’

‘Which would make it ride up even further. If you’re going to wear it, you’ll need to wear leggings underneath. I’m not letting you out of the house if you don’t,’ Nina said, having momentarily forgotten about the call from Mr Swift. ‘Actually, I might not let you out of the house anyway.’

Despite Nina’s warning tone, Scarlett’s body didn’t sag with a suggestion of guilt as once it might when she was younger. Instead, she squared up and simply asked, ‘Why?’

‘I’ve had a call from Mr Swift. I don’t suppose I need to tell you what it was about.’

Her daughter’s body froze. She was on the wrong side of the room to find an escape, but she looked for it anyway.

‘What did he say?’

The question had come from Bryn.

‘Scarlett’s grades are slipping.’

‘No they’re not!’ Scarlett cried. ‘Not much, anyway. Mum, it’s fine. I’m getting on with my work, honest.’

‘Well, you can tell that to Mr Swift when we have our meeting.’

‘He’s called you in?’

‘Yes,’ Nina said. ‘And I’m warning you now, Scarlett, if you’ve been messing about instead of studying then you’re going to be spending the rest of the year locked away.’

‘You can’t, it’s not fair! I haven’t done anything.’

‘Hopefully that’s what Mr Swift will tell me on Friday.’

There was an awkward moment when no one knew what to do next. Scarlett was desperate to leave, but didn’t want to run the gauntlet of her mum and Bryn. She dropped her head and slowly began to unbutton her jacket. Nina turned to Bryn. ‘Can I smell something burning?’

‘I hope not. I’ve made cottage pie but it’s not in the oven yet,’ he said, before realizing it was his cue to leave. He glanced back towards Scarlett who had taken off the jacket and was straightening her skirt. ‘Maybe I should go and put it in.’

‘Yes, that might be a good idea.’

When Bryn had left, Nina asked, ‘What’s going on, Scarlett?’

‘Nothing,’ her daughter mumbled as she stared at her feet.

‘I don’t believe you. There’s something troubling you and I don’t know why I didn’t see it before. It’s like I caught glimpses out of the corner of my eye, but every time I turned towards it, it was gone. But it is there, Scarlett, and the fact that your grades are slipping only proves it. You need to tell me.’

‘Has Bryn said anything?’

Nina’s insides twisted that bit more. ‘Said what?’

When Scarlett didn’t reply, Nina stepped further into the room to close the distance between them, but rather than take her daughter in a bear hug and squeeze the truth from her, Nina sat down on the bed and patted the space next to her. ‘Sit,’ she said.

Scarlett did as she was told, and Nina took hold of her hand. With mother and daughter staring forward, they both relaxed a little. ‘What’s going on?’

‘Nothing,’ Scarlett said quickly. ‘I just moan about my friends to Bryn, that’s all. They’re so immature sometimes.’

‘While you’re growing up fast,’ Nina said, but then paused to consider how slowly she should lead the conversation in the direction it needed to go. ‘Are you having sex?’

‘Mum!’ Scarlett cried, glancing at her briefly before remembering herself and looking away.

‘I’m not daft, Scarlett. I know it’s going to happen eventually and you’re showing all the classic signs of having man trouble.’

Scarlett laughed.

‘So I am right?’

Her daughter had continued to laugh, but very quickly she was gulping for air as she fought and failed to hold back the sobs. Terrified, Nina wrapped Scarlett in her arms and let her cry on her shoulder. She patted Scarlett’s back to match the pace of her own heart thumping inside her chest. ‘Oh, Scarlett. Please tell me what’s going on.’

‘I – don’t – know – what – to – do.’

‘About what? What’s happened?’

‘Nothing, nothing’s happened and I don’t know if it ever will.’

‘But you want it to?’

Scarlett nodded. ‘I think so.’

‘You think? That doesn’t sound so definite to me. You’re fifteen years old, Scarlett. You might feel like you’re all grown up, and I’m not saying you’re not maturing faster than I’d like, but you’re not there yet.’

‘But I want to be, Mum. I want this bit to be over. I want to be middle-aged with a boring job and a family.’

It was Nina’s turn to laugh. ‘It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.’

‘Neither is being fifteen.’

‘I know. But I can’t go back in time, and you can’t fast forward. We are where we are.’

Scarlett hadn’t finished crying, but she managed to control her sobs enough to lift her head from her mum’s shoulder. ‘I’m scared, Mum. I don’t know what to do.’

‘If this boy respects you, then he’ll see you’re unsure and he’ll wait. Who are we talking about anyway? Is it Linus?’

Turning back to face the front, Scarlett put her hands over her face. ‘It’s OK,’ she said. ‘I can look after myself.’

‘Do we need to make an appointment with the GP?’ Nina asked.

Using the cuff of her jumper, Scarlett wiped away her tears. ‘No, it’s all right.’

‘You’re sure?’

‘Yes.’

Nina hadn’t realized she had been holding her breath until she released it. She should have felt relieved, but she didn’t. Sorting out contraception was only ever going to be part of the solution. ‘OK, I’m trusting you to do the right thing, Scarlett, but whatever happens, you can’t let it affect your schoolwork. It’s an important year.’

‘Don’t I know it.’

‘No more going out with your friends until you’ve got your grades back up where they belong.’

‘You can’t do that! I’ll turn into a weirdo like Liam if I never go out,’ Scarlett said, not afraid to face her mum now. ‘And what about the party?’

‘Let’s see how we get on with Mr Swift first, shall we?’

‘Fine, as long as you know what you’re doing,’ Scarlett said with a hint of a warning. ‘Don’t blame me if I go crazy.’

In truth, Nina didn’t know what she was doing. She was attempting to navigate through a perilous period of parenthood without a road map. She didn’t know how to solve Scarlett’s problems and help her towards the next stage of her life, all she could do was let her know she didn’t have to do it on her own. She had a mum who loved her; a stepdad who would do anything for her; and a brother who would protect her if he knew what was good for him; not to mention Mr Swift, who would help her daughter get back on track, academically at least.

Scarlett

I was starting to feel weird around my friends. It was like I was out of sync with everyone. I tried to carry on as normal, but it was hard pretending not to have all these horrible feelings messing with my head.