How to Write Clearly: Rules and Exercises on English Composition

Cromwell was much delighted with Cromwell was much delighted with (5) this, (43) and read the Blake's conduct. Reading the letters in council with great letters in council with great satisfaction; and said he (6) satisfaction, he said, "I hope I hoped he should make the name of shall make the name of an an Englishman as great as ever Englishman as much respected as that of a Roman (15 a) had ever was the name of Roman." been. (44) The States of Holland Among other countries the States were in such dread of (5) him that of Holland were in such dread of they took care to give him no sort Cromwell that they took care to of umbrage; (43) (44) and when give him no sort of umbrage. at any time the king or his Accordingly, whenever the king or brothers came to see their sister his brothers came to see the the Princess Royal, (23) within a Princess Royal their sister, they day or two after, (5) they used were always warned in a day or two to send a deputation to let them by a deputation that Cromwell had know that Cromwell had required of required of the States to give the States that (5) they should them no harbourage. give them no harbour.

* * * * * * * * * *

Cromwell's favourite alliance was The free kingdom of Sweden was Sweden.35 (44) Carolus Gustavus Cromwell's favourite ally; not and he lived in great conjunction only under Charles Gustavus, with of counsels. (44) Even Algernon whom he was on most confidential Sydney, (10 a) who was not terms, but also under Christina. inclined to think or speak well of Both these sovereigns had just kings, commended him (5) to me; notions of public liberty; at and said he (5) had just least, Algernon Sydney, a man notions of public liberty; (44) certainly not prejudiced in favour (43) and added, that Queen of royalty, assured me this was Christina seemed to have them true of Gustavus. He also held the likewise. But (44) she was same opinion of Queen Christina; much changed from that, when but, if so, she was much changed I waited on her at Rome; for when I waited on her at Rome; for she complained of us as a factious she then complained of the factious nation, that did not readily and unruly spirit of our nation. comply with the commands (47 a) of our princes. (44) All Italy All Italy, no less than trembled at the name of Cromwell, Holland,36 trembled at the name and seemed under a (1) panic as of Cromwell, and dreaded him till long as he lived; (43) his fleet he died. Nor durst the Turks scoured the Mediterranean; and the offend the great (50) Protector Turks durst not offend him; but whose fleet scoured the delivered up Hyde, who kept up the Mediterranean; and they even gave character of an ambassador from up Hyde, who, for keeping up in the king there (23) (43), and was Turkey the character of ambassador brought over and executed for (5) from the king, was brought to it. England and executed.

(44) (11 a) The putting the In another instance of severity brother of the king of Portugal's towards foreigners—the execution ambassador to death for murder, of the brother of the Portuguese was (11 a) carrying justice ambassador for murder—Cromwell very far; (43) since, though in carried justice very far. For, the strictness of the law of though in strictness the law of nations, it is only the nations exempts from foreign ambassador's own person that is jurisdiction the ambassador alone, exempted from (4) any authority yet in practice the exemption has (47 a) but his master's that extended to the whole of the sends him, yet the practice has ambassador's suite. gone in favour of all that the ambassador owned (47 a) to Successful abroad, Cromwell was no belong to him. (41) (44) Cromwell less successful at home in showed his good (11) selecting able and worthy men for understanding in nothing more public duties, especially for the than in seeking37 out capable courts of law. In nothing did he and worthy men for all employments, show more clearly his great but most particularly for the natural insight, and nothing courts of law, (43) (30 a) contributed more to his popularity. (10 a) which gave a general satisfaction.

BISHOP BUTLER

The principal faults in this style are (a) a vague use of pronouns (5), and sometimes (b) the use of a phrase, where a word would be enough (47 a).

ORIGINAL VERSION. PARALLEL VERSION

Some persons, (15) upon Some persons avowedly reject all pretence38 of the sufficiency of revelation as39 essentially the light of Nature, avowedly incredible and necessarily reject all revelation as, in its fictitious, on the ground that the (47 a) very notion, light of Nature is in itself incredible, and what (47 a) sufficient. And assuredly, had the must be fictitious. And indeed light of Nature been sufficient in (32) it is certain that no such a sense as to render revelation would have been given, revelation needless or useless, no (32) had the light of Nature been revelation would ever have been sufficient in such a sense as to given. But let any man consider render (5) one not40 wanting, the spiritual darkness that once or useless. But no (15 b) man in (41) prevailed in the heathen seriousness and simplicity can world before revelation, and that possibly think it (5) so, who (41) still prevails in those considers the state of religion in regions that have not yet received the heathen world before the light of revealed truth; above revelation, and its (5) present all, let him mark not merely the state in those (11) places (8) natural inattention and ignorance which have borrowed no light of the masses, but also the from (5) it; particularly (19) the doubtful language held even by a doubtfulness of some of the (12) Socrates on even so vital a greatest men concerning things of subject as41 the immortality of the utmost (11) importance, as the soul; and then can he in well as the (15 a) natural seriousness and sincerity maintain inattention and ignorance of that the light of Nature is mankind in general. It is (34) sufficient? impossible to say (12) who would have been able to have reasoned It is of course impossible to deny out that whole system which we that some second42 Aristotle call natural religion, (30) in its might have reasoned out, in its genuine simplicity, clear of genuine simplicity and without superstition; but there is a touch of superstition, the certainly no ground to affirm whole of that system which we that the generality could. call natural religion. But there (44) If they could, there is is certainly no ground for no sort of probability that affirming that this complicated they would. (44) Admitting there process would have been possible were, they would highly want a for ordinary men. Even if they had standing admonition to remind them had the power, there is no of (5) it, and inculcate it upon probability that they would have them. And further still, were (5) had the inclination; and, even if they as much disposed (47 a) we admit the probable inclination, to attend to religion as the they would still need some better sort of men (15 a) are; standing admonition, whereby yet, even upon this supposition, natural religion might be there would be various occasions suggested and inculcated. Still for supernatural instruction and further, even if we suppose these assistance, and the greatest ordinary men to be as attentive to advantages (50) might be religion as men of a better sort, afforded (15 a) by (5) yet even then there would be them. So that, to say revelation various occasions when is a thing superfluous, what supernatural instruction and there (47 a) was no need of, assistance might be most and what can be of (47 a) no beneficially bestowed. service, is, I think, to talk wildly and at random. Nor would it Therefore, to call revelation be more extravagant to affirm that superfluous, needless, and (40 a) mankind is so entirely useless, is, in my opinion, to (40 a) at ease in the present talk wildly and at random. A man state, and (40 a) life so might as reasonably assert that we completely (40 a) happy, that are so entirely at ease and so (5) it is a contradiction to completely happy in this present suppose (40 a) our condition life that our condition cannot capable of being in any respect without contradiction be supposed (47 a) better.—(Analogy of capable of being in any way Religion, part ii. chap. 1.) improved.

BREVITY

SIR ARCHIBALD ALISON.

The following extract exhibits examples of tautology and lengthiness. The "implied statement" (50) can often be used as a remedy, but, more often, the best remedy is omission.

ORIGINAL VERSION. PARALLEL VERSION

The Russian empire is (50) a Russia, with her vast strength and state of (54) such vast boundless resources, is obviously strength and boundless destined to exercise on the course resources, that it is of history a great and lasting obviously destined to make a influence. The slowness of her great and lasting impression on progress only renders her human affairs. Its (50) progress durability more probable. The has been slow, but (5) it43 is Russian Empire has not, like the only on that account the more empires of Alexander the Great and likely to be durable. (5) It has Napoleon, been raised to sudden not suddenly risen to greatness, greatness by the genius of like the empire of Alexander in individuals or the accidents of ancient (19) (31), or that of fortune, but has been slowly Napoleon in modern, times, from enlarged and firmly consolidated the force of individual genius, or by well-guided ambition and the accidents of (54) casual persevering energy,44 during a fortune, but has slowly advanced, long succession of ages.

and (40 a) been firmly consolidated (15) during a succession of ages, from the combined influence of ambition skilfully directed and energy (15

a) perseveringly applied.

* * * * * * * * * *

The extent and fertility of the The extent and fertility of her Russian territory are such (54) territory furnish unparalleled as to furnish facilities of facilities for the increase of her increase and elements of strength population and power. European which no nation (47 a) in the Russia, that is, Russia to the world enjoys. European west of the Ural Mountains, Russia—that is, Russia to the contains one million two hundred westward of the Ural thousand square geographical Mountains—contains a hundred and miles, or ten times the surface of fifty thousand four hundred square Great Britain and Ireland. marine leagues, or about one million two hundred thousand square geographical miles, being ten times the surface of the British Islands, which contain, including Ireland, one hundred and twenty-two thousand. Great part, This vast territory is intersected no doubt, of this immense (54, by no mountain ranges, no arid see below) territory is covered deserts; and though much of it is with forests, or (40 a) lies rendered almost unproductive of so far to the north as to be food either by the denseness of almost unproductive of food; but forests, or by the severity of the no ranges of mountains or arid northern winter, yet almost all, deserts intersect the vast (54, except that part which touches see above) extent, and almost the Arctic snows, is capable of the whole, excepting that which yielding something for the use touches the Arctic snows, is of man. capable of yielding something for the use of man. The (3) (54) The steppes of the south present boundless steppes of the south an inexhaustible pasturage to present (54) inexhaustible those nomad tribes whose numerous fields of pasturage, and give and incomparable horsemen form the birth to those nomad tribes, in chief defence of the empire. whose numerous and incomparable horsemen the chief defence of the empire,45 as of all Oriental states, (15 a) is to be found. The rich arable lands in the heart The rich arable lands in the of the (54) empire produce an interior produce grain enough to (2) incalculable quantity of support four times the present grain, capable not only of population of the empire, and yet maintaining four times (5) its leave a vast surplus to be present inhabitants, but affording transported by the Dnieper, the a vast surplus for exportation by Volga, and their tributaries, into the Dnieper, the Volga, and their the Euxine or other seas. tributary streams, (30) which form so many (54) natural outlets into the Euxine or other seas; (44) while the cold and Lastly, the cold bleak plains shivering plains which stretch stretching towards Archangel and towards Archangel and the shores towards the shores of the White of the White Sea are (48) covered Sea, and covered with immense with immense forests of fir and forests of oak and fir, furnish oak, furnishing at once (54)46 materials for shipbuilding and inexhaustible materials for supplies of fuel that will for shipbuilding and supplies of fuel. many generations supersede the (54) These ample stores for many necessity of searching for coal. generations will supersede the necessity of searching in the (14 a) bowels of the earth for the purposes of (54) warmth or manufacture.

Formidable as the power of Russia Much as we may dread Russia for is from the vast extent of its the vastness of her territory and territory, and the great and of her rapidly increasing numbers, rapidly increasing number of there is greater cause for fear its (54) subjects, (5) it is in the military spirit and the still more (5) so from the docility of her people. military spirit and docile disposition by which they are (54)47 distinguished. The prevailing (54) passion of the A burning thirst for conquest is nation is the (54) love of as prevalent a passion in Russia conquest, and this (54) ardent as democratic ambition in the free (54) desire, which (54) burns states of Western Europe. This as (54) fiercely in them as passion is the unseen spring[2] democratic ambition does in the which, while it retains the free states of Western Europe, is Russians in the strictest the unseen spring48 which both discipline, unceasingly impels retains them submissive (54) their united forces against all under the standard of their adjoining states. chief and impels their accumulated forces in ceaseless The national energy, which is as violence over all the adjoining great as the national territory, states. The energies of the rarely wastes itself in disputes people, great as49 the territory about domestic grievances. For all they inhabit, are rarely wasted in internal evils, how great soever, internal disputes. Domestic the Russians hope to find a grievances, how great soever, are compensation, and more than a (54) overlooked in the thirst for compensation, in the conquest of foreign aggrandizement. (15) In the world. the conquest of the world the people hope to find a compensation, and more than a compensation, (15 a) for all the evils of their interior administration.

THE END

1

Punctuation is fully discussed in most English Grammars, and is therefore referred to in this book only so far as is necessary to point out the slovenly fault of trusting too much to punctuation, and too little to arrangement.

2

Before meeting with Professor Bain's rule, I had shown that the difference between the Relatives is generally observed by Shakespeare. See "Shakespearian Grammar," paragraph 259.

3

Sir Archibald Alison stands on a very different footing. The extracts from this author are intended to exhibit the dangers of verbosity and exaggeration.

4

"English Composition and Rhetoric," p. vii.

5

For, at the beginning of a sentence, sometimes causes temporary doubt, while the reader is finding out whether it is used as a conjunction or preposition.

6

It should refer (1) either to the Noun immediately preceding, or (2) to some Noun superior to all intervening Nouns in emphasis. See (25).

7

So useful that, on mature consideration, I am disposed to adopt "that" here and in several of the following exceptional cases.

8

Of course "and which" may be used where "which" precedes.

9

"That which," where that is an object, e.g. "then (set forth) that which is worse," St. John ii. 10, is rare in modern English.

10

Sometimes the emphatic Adverb comes at the beginning, and causes the transposition of an Auxiliary Verb, "Gladly do I consent."

11

Of course punctuation will remove the ambiguity; but it is better to express oneself clearly, as far as possible, independently of punctuation.

12

Professor Bain.

13

See (30).

14

The repetition of Auxiliary Verbs and Pronominal Adjectives is also conducive to clearness.

15

Professor Bain says: "In the epigram the mind is roused by a conflict or contradiction between the form of the language and the meaning really conveyed."

16

This metaphor is not recommended for imitation.

17

See English Lessons for English People, pp. 1-53.

18

That which treats of the thirteenth century.

19

The original metaphor uses the crown as a prop, which seems a confusion. Though the metaphor is so common as scarcely to be regarded as a metaphor, it is better to avoid the appearance of confusion.

20

We sometimes say, briefly but not perhaps idiomatically, "the then sovereign," "the then temper," &c.

21

The personality of the tempters and organizers of the conspiracy is purposely kept in the background.

22

The relative is retained in the first two cases, because it conveys the reason why Fiennes was educated at New College; and in the third case, because the increased "antipathy" is regarded as the natural consequence of the residence in Calvinistic Geneva.

23

Claiming.

24

The relative is retained in the first two cases, because it conveys the reason why Fiennes was educated at New College; and in the third case, because the increased "antipathy" is regarded as the natural consequence of the residence in Calvinistic Geneva.

25

The relative is retained in the first two cases, because it conveys the reason why Fiennes was educated at New College; and in the third case, because the increased "antipathy" is regarded as the natural consequence of the residence in Calvinistic Geneva.

26

An insinuation of sedition seems intended.

27

An insinuation of sedition seems intended.

28

This sentence is a preliminary summary of what follows.

29

This sentence is a preliminary summary of what follows.

30

If "which" is used here according to Rule (8), the meaning is, (a) "and their differences;" if it is used for "that," the meaning will be, (b) "all religions that were of a nature to dispose &c." I believe (a) is the meaning; but I have found difference of opinion on the question.

31

If "which" is used here according to Rule (8), the meaning is, (a) "and their differences;" if it is used for "that," the meaning will be, (b) "all religions that were of a nature to dispose &c." I believe (a) is the meaning; but I have found difference of opinion on the question.

32

The following words appear to be emphatic, bringing out the difference between the infancy and the development of schism.

33

The meaning is "his, and therefore the nation's, ministers." There is a kind of antithesis between "the nation" and "the nation's ministers."

34

No instance has yet been mentioned.

35

The thought that is implied, and should be expressed, by the words, is this: "Cromwell's favourite ally was a free country."

36

The remarks about Christina are a digression, and Burnet is now returning to the respect in which Cromwell was held by foreign nations.

37

He not only sought, but sought successfully. That "find" is not necessarily implied by "seek out" seems proved by the use of the word in the Authorized Version, 2 Tim. ii. 17: "He sought me out very diligently, and found me."

38

"To pretend" once meant "to put forward," "maintain."

39

It has been suggested, however, that by "in its very notion incredible," is meant "inconceivable."

40

"Wanting" is used for modern "wanted."

41

This use of the particular for the general would be out of place in Butler's style, but it adds clearness.

42

This use of the particular for the general would be out of place in Butler's style, but it adds clearness.

43

] Apparently "it" means, not "progress," but the "Russian empire."

44

Not "energy," but "a long succession of ages," needs to be emphasized.

45

There is nothing in the context that requires the words, "as of all Oriental states."

46

If they were really "inexhaustible," the "necessity of searching in the bowels of the earth" would be "superseded," not for "many," but for all generations.

47

The words can be implied, and besides they are expressed in the following sentence.

48

The metaphor is questionable; for a "spring," qua "spring," does not retain at all; and besides, "a passion" ought not to "burn" in one line, and be a "spring" in the next.

49

The meaning appears not to be, "great as" (is), i.e. "though the territory is great."