How to Write Clearly: Rules and Exercises on English Composition

106. "(a) If we ask (15 b) what was the nature of the force by which this change was effected, (a) we find it to have been (b) the force that had seemed almost dead for many generations—(38) of theology."

(a) Omit these words. (b) Begin a new sentence: "It was a force &c."

107. "I remember Longinus highly recommends a description of a storm by Homer, because (a) (5) (c) he has not amused himself with little fancies upon the occasion, as authors of an inferior genius, whom he mentions, (b) (15 a) have done, (30) but (c) because he has gathered together those (d) (1) events which are the most apt to terrify the imagination, and (35) really happen in the raging of a tempest."

(a) "The poet." (b) Omit "have done" and write "like some authors." (c) Suspend the sentence by writing "the poet … instead of … has." (d) What is the word for "that which happens around one, or in connection with some central object?"

108. "To have passed (a) (3) in a self-satisfied manner through twenty years of office, letting things take their own course; to have (b) sailed with consummate sagacity, never against the tide of popular (c) judgement; to have left on record as the sole title to distinction among English ministers a peculiar art of (d) sporting with the heavy, the awful responsibility of a nation's destiny with the jaunty grace of a juggler (11) (e) playing with his golden ball; to have joked and intrigued, and bribed and (f) deceived, with the result of having done nothing (g), (h) either for the poor, (h) or for religion (for (i) which indeed he did worse than nothing), (h) or for art and science, (h) or for the honour or concord or even the financial prosperity of the nation, (38) is surely a miserable basis on which the reputation of a great (15) statesman can be (k) (15 a) founded."

(a) "complacently." (b) "Sail" implies will and effort: use a word peculiar to a helpless ship, so as to contrast paradoxically with "sagacity." (c) Use a word implying less thought and deliberation. (d) With is too often repeated; write "bearing" so as to introduce the illustration abruptly. (e) "tossing." (f) Use a word implying a particular kind of "deceit," not "lying," but the next thing to "lying." (g) Insert the word with a preceding and intensifying adverb, "absolutely nothing." (h) Instead of "either," "or," repeat "nothing." (i) The parenthesis breaks the rhythm. Write "nothing, or worse than nothing." (k) "to found."

109. "A glance at the clock will make you (1) conscious that it is nearly three in the morning, and I therefore ask you, gentlemen, instead of wasting more time, to put this question to yourselves, 'Are we, or are we not, here, for the purpose of (1) eliminating the truth?'"

110. "The speech of the Right Honourable member, so far from unravelling (14) the obscurities of this knotty question, is eminently calculated to mislead his supporters (a) (8 a) who have not made a special study of it. It may be (b) (23) almost asserted of every statement (8) which he has made that the very (1) converse is the fact."

(a) The meaning appears to be, not "all his supporters," but "those of his supporters who:" the convenience of writing "his supporters that" is so great that I should be disposed to use "that." (b) "Every," not "asserted," requires the juxtaposition of "almost."

111. "The provisions of the treaty which (8) require the consent of the Parliament of Canada await its assembling."

Point out the meaning conveyed by which, and by that.

112. "Mrs. Smith demonstrated (26), in opposition to the general dictum of the press, that (a) there had been a reaction against woman's suffrage, that there had really been a gain of one vote in the House of Commons."

(a) Substitute "instead of," and erase the second "that."

113. "The practice of smoking hangs like a gigantic (14 a) cloud of evil over the country."

CONTINUOUS EXERCISES

CLEARNESS

The following exercises consist of extracts from Burnet, Butler, and Clarendon, modernized and altered with a view to remove obscurity and ambiguity. The modernized version will necessarily be inferior to the original in unity of style, and in some other respects. The charm of the author's individuality, and the pleasant ring of the old-fashioned English, are lost. It is highly necessary that the student should recognize this, and should bear in mind that the sole object is to show how the meaning in each case might have been more clearly expressed.

Occasionally expressions have been altered, not as being in themselves obscure or objectionable, but as indicating a habit of which beginners should beware. For example, in the extract from Burnet, he is often altered, not because, in the particular context, the pronoun presents any obscurity, but because Burnet's habit of repeating he is faulty.

These exercises can be used in two ways. The pupil may either have his book open and be questioned on the reasons for each alteration, or, after studying the two versions, he may have the original version dictated to him, and then he may reproduce the parallel version, or something like it, on paper.

LORD CLARENDON.

The principal faults in this style are, long heterogeneous sentences (43), use of phrases for words (47 a), ambiguous use of pronouns (5), excessive separation of words grammatically connected together (19).

ORIGINAL VERSION. PARALLEL VERSION

(44) It will not be impertinent And now, in order to explain, as nor unnatural to this (50) far as possible, how so prodigious present discourse, to set down an alteration could take place in in this place the present temper so short a time, and how the19 and constitution of both Houses royal power could fall so low as of Parliament, and (34) of the to be unable to support itself, court itself, (30) that (5) it its dignity, or its faithful may be the less wondered at, that servants, it will be of use to set so prodigious an alteration should down here, where it comes most be made in so short a time, and naturally, some account of the20 (37) the crown fallen so low, that present temper and composition, it could neither support itself not only of both Houses of nor its own majesty, nor those Parliament, but also of the court who would (47 a) appear itself. faithful to it.

* * * * * * * * * *

(Here follows a description of the House of Lords.)

In the House of Commons were many In the House of Commons persons of wisdom and gravity, who there were many men of wisdom (7) being possessed of great and and judgment whose high plentiful fortunes, though they position and great wealth disposed were undevoted enough to the them, in spite of their indifference court, (19) had all imaginable to the court, to feel duty for the king, and affection a most loyal respect for the to the government established(47 king, and a great affection for a) by law or ancient custom; the ancient constitutional (43) and without doubt, the major government of the country. Indeed, part of that (54) body it cannot be doubted that consisted of men who had no mind the majority had no intention to to break the peace of the kingdom, break the peace of the kingdom or to make any considerable or to make any considerable alteration in the government of alteration in Church or State. Church or State: (43) and Consequently, from the very therefore (18) all inventions outset, it was necessary to resort were set on foot from the (15) to every conceivable device beginning to work upon (5) for the purpose of perverting them, and (11) corrupt (5) this honest majority into rebellion. them, (43) (45) by suggestions "of the dangers (8) which With some, the appeal was threatened all that was precious addressed to their patriotism. to the subject (19) in their They were warned "of the liberty and their property, by dangers that threatened [all overthrowing (47 a) or that was precious in] the liberty overmastering the law, and (47 and property of the subject, a) subjecting it to an if the laws were to be made arbitrary (47_a_) power, and by subservient to despotism, and countenancing Popery to the if Popery was to be encouraged subversion of the Protestant to the subversion of the Protestant religion," and then, by religion." infusing terrible apprehensions into some, and so working upon The fears of others were appealed their fears, (6 b) "of (11 a) to. "There was danger," so21 it being called in question for was said, "that they might be somewhat they had done," by which called to account for something (5) they would stand in need of they had done, and they would then (5) their protection; and (43) stand in need of the help of those (45) raising the hopes of others, who were now giving them this "that, by concurring (47 a) timely warning." In others, hopes with (5) them (5) they were excited, and offices, should be sure to obtain offices honours, and preferments were held and honours and any kind of out as the reward of adhesion. preferment." Though there were too Too many were led away by one or many corrupted and misled by these other of these temptations, and several temptations, and (19) indeed some needed no other others (40 a) who needed no temptation than their innate other temptations than from the fierceness and barbarity and the fierceness and barbarity of malice they had contracted against their (47 a) own natures, and the Church and the court. But the the malice they had contracted leaders of the conspiracy were not against the Church and against the many. The flock was large and court; (43) yet the number was not submissive, but the shepherds were great of those in whom the very few. government of the rest (47 a) was vested, nor were there many who had the absolute authority (13) to lead, though there were a multitude (13) that was disposed to follow.

(44) (30) Mr. Pym was looked upon Of these, Mr. Pym was thought as the man of greatest experience superior to all the rest in in parliaments, where he had parliamentary experience. To this (50) served very long, and was advantage he added habits of always (50) a man of business, business acquired from his (7) being an officer in the continuous service in the Exchequer, (43) and of a good Exchequer. He had also a good reputation generally, (30) though reputation generally; for, though known to be inclined to the known to be inclined to the Puritan party; yet not of those Puritan party, yet he was not so furious resolutions against the fanatically set against the Church Church as the other leading men as the other leaders. In this were, and (44) wholly devoted to respect he resembled the Earl of the Earl of Bedford, who had Bedford, to whom he was nothing of that spirit. thoroughly devoted.

(Here follow descriptions of Hampden and Saint John.)

It was generally believed that These three persons, with the these three persons, with the three peers mentioned before, were other three lords mentioned united in the closest confidence, before, were of the most intimate and formed the mainspring of the and entire trust with each other, party. Such at least was the and made the engine which (47 general belief. But it was clear a) moved all the rest; (30) that they also admitted to their yet it was visible, that (15) unreserved confidence two others, Nathaniel Fiennes, the second son (45) whom I will now of the Lord Say, and Sir Harry describe,—Nathaniel Fiennes, Vane, eldest son to the Secretary, second son of Lord Say, and Sir and Treasurer of the House, were Harry Vane, eldest son of the received by them with full Secretary, and Treasurer of the confidence and without reserve. House.

The former, being a man of good Nathaniel Fiennes, a man of good parts of learning, and after some parts, was educated at New years spent in New College in College, Oxford, where22 his Oxford, (43) of which his father family claimed and enjoyed some had been formerly fellow, (43) privileges in virtue of their that family pretending23 and kindred to the founder, and enjoying many privileges there, as where24 his father had formerly of kin to the founder, (43) (19) been a fellow. He afterwards spent had spent his time abroad in some time in Geneva and in the Geneva and amongst the cantons of cantons of Switzerland, where25 Switzerland, (30) where he he increased that natural improved his disinclination to the antipathy to the Church which he Church, with which milk he had had imbibed almost with his been nursed. From his travels he mother's milk.26 By a singular returned through Scotland (52) coincidence, he came home through (which27 few travellers took in Scotland (not a very common route their way home) at the time when for returning travellers) just (5) that rebellion was in bud: when the Scotch rebellion was in (30) (43) (44) and was very little bud. For some time he was scarcely known, except amongst (5) that known beyond the narrow and people, which conversed (47 a) exclusive circle of his sect, wholly amongst themselves, until until at last he appeared in he was now (15) found in Parliament. Then, indeed, it was Parliament, (30) (43) (44) when quickly discovered that he was it was quickly discovered that, likely to fulfil even the fond as he was the darling of his hopes of his father and the high father, so (5) he was like to promise of many years.

make good whatsoever he had for many years promised.

(5) The other, Sir H. Vane, was Fiennes' coadjutor, Sir H. Vane, a man of great natural parts28 was a man of great natural (45) and of very profound ability.29 Quick in understanding dissimulation, of a quick and impenetrable in dissembling, conception, and of very ready, he could also speak with sharp, and weighty expression. He promptness, point, and weight. His had an (50) unusual aspect, which, singular appearance, though it though it might naturally proceed might naturally proceed from his from his father and mother, parents, who were not noted for neither of which were beautiful their beauty, yet impressed men persons, yet (19) made men think with the belief that he had in him there was somewhat in him of something extraordinary, an extraordinary: and (52) his whole impression that was confirmed by life made good that imagination. the whole of his life. His Within a very short time after he behaviour at Oxford, where he returned from his studies in studied at Magdalen College, was Magdalen College in Oxford, where, not characterized, in spite of the (43) though he was under the care supervision of a very worthy of a very worthy tutor, he lived tutor, by a severe morality. Soon not with great exactness, (43) he after leaving Oxford he spent some spent some little time in France, little time in France, and more in and more in Geneva, and, (43) Geneva. After returning to after his return into England, England, he conceived an intense (38) contracted a full prejudice hatred not only against the and bitterness against the Church, government of the Church, which both against the form of the was disliked by many, but also government and the Liturgy, (43) against the Liturgy, which was which was generally in great held in great and general reverence, (15 a) even with reverence. many of those who were not friends to (5) the other. In Incurring or seeming to incur, by his giddiness, which then much his giddiness, the displeasure of displeased, or seemed to his father, who at that time, displease, (30) (43) his father, beside strictly conforming to the who still appeared highly Church himself, was very bitter conformable, and exceedingly sharp against Nonconformists, the young against those who were not, Vane left his home for New (5) he transported himself into England. New England, (43) a colony within few years before planted by a This colony had been planted a few mixture of all religions,30 which years before by men of all sorts of disposed the professors to dislike religions, and their the government of the Church; who differences31 disposed them to (30) (43) (44) were qualified by dislike the government of the the king's charter to choose their Church. Now, it happened that their own government and governors, privilege (accorded by the king's under the obligation, "that every charter) of choosing their own man should take the oaths of government and governors was allegiance and supremacy;" (30) subject to this obligation, "that (43) (5) which all the first every man should take the oaths of planters did, when they received allegiance and supremacy." These their charter, before they oaths had been taken, not only by transported themselves from hence, all the original planters, on nor was there in many years after receiving their charter, before the least scruple amongst them of leaving England, but also for many complying with those obligations: years afterwards, without exciting so far men were, in the infancy the slightest scruple. Indeed, (15) of their schism, from scruples against lawful oaths were refusing to take lawful oaths. unknown32 in the infancy of the (45) He was no sooner landed English schism. But with the there, but his parts made him arrival of Vane all this was quickly taken notice of, (26) and changed. No sooner had he landed very probably his quality, being than his ability, and perhaps to the eldest son of a some extent his position, as eldest Privy-councillor, might give him son of a Privy-councillor, some advantage; insomuch (51) recommended him to notice: and at that, when the next season came the next election he was chosen for the election of their Governor. magistrates, he was chosen their governor: (30) (45) (43) in which In his new post, his restless and place he had so ill fortune (26) unquiet imagination found (his working and unquiet fancy opportunity for creating and raising and infusing a thousand diffusing a thousand conscientious scruples of conscience, which (5) scruples that had not been brought they had not brought over with over, or ever even heard of, by the them, nor heard of before) (19) colonists. His government proved a that he unsatisfied with failure: and, mutually them and they with him, dissatisfied, (45) governed and he retransported himself governor parted. Vane returned into England; (30) (43) (44) to England, but not till he had having sowed such seed of accomplished his mischievous task, dissension there, as grew up too not till he had sown the seeds of prosperously, and miserably those miserable dissensions which divided the poor colony into afterwards grew only too several factions, and divisions prosperously, till they split the and persecutions of each (15 a) wretched colony into distinct, other, (30) (43) which still hostile, and mutually persecuting continue to the great (54) factions. His handiwork still prejudice of that plantation: remains, and it is owing to (15) insomuch as some of (5) them, him that some of the colonists, upon the ground of their first on the pretext of liberty of expedition, liberty of conscience, conscience, the original cause of have withdrawn themselves from (5) their emigration, have withdrawn their jurisdiction, and obtained themselves from the old colonial other charters from the king, by jurisdiction and have obtained which, (30) (43) in other forms of fresh charters from the king. government, they have enlarged These men have established new their plantations, within new forms of government, unduly limits adjacent to (5) (15 a) enlarged their boundaries, and set the other.their plantations, up rival settlements on the within new limits adjacent to (5) borders of the original colony. (15 a) the other.

BURNET

The principal faults in Burnet's style are (a) the use of heterogeneous sentences (see 43); (b) the want of suspense (see 30); (c) the ambiguous use of pronouns (see 5); (d) the omission of connecting adverbs and conjunctions, and an excessive use of and (see 44); and (e) an abruptness in passing from one topic to another (see 45). The correction of these faults necessarily lengthens the altered version.

ORIGINAL VERSION. PARALLEL VERSION

And his maintaining the honour of He also gratified the English the nation in all foreign feeling of self-respect by countries gratified the (1) maintaining the honour of the vanity which is very natural nation in all foreign countries.

(50) to Englishmen; (30) (43) of So jealous was he on this point which he was so (15) (17 a) that, though he was not a crowned careful that, though he was not head, he yet secured for his a crowned head, yet his (40 a) ambassadors all the respect that ambassadors had all the respects had been paid to the ambassadors paid them which our (15) kings' of our kings. The king, he said, ambassadors ever had: he said (6 received respect simply as the b) the dignity of the crown nation's representative head, was upon the account of the and, since the nation was the nation, of which the king was same, the same respect should (50) only the representative be paid to the33 nation's head; so, the nation being the ministers.

same, he would have the same regards paid to (41) his ministers.

Another34 instance of (5) this The following instance of jealousy pleased him much. Blake with the for the national honour pleased fleet happened (50) to be at him much. When Blake was at Malaga Malaga before he made war upon with his fleet, before his war Spain: (44) and some of his with Spain, it happened that some seamen went ashore, and met the of his sailors going ashore and Host carried about; (44) and not meeting the procession of the only paid no respect to it, but Host, not only paid no respect to laughed at those who did; (43) it, but even laughed at those who (30) (51) so one of the priests did. Incited by one of the priests put the people upon resenting this to resent the indignity, the indignity; and they fell upon people fell on the scoffers and (5) them and beat them severely. beat them severely. On their When they returned to their ship return to the ship the seamen (5) they complained of (5) complained of this ill-usage, this usage; and upon that Blake whereupon Blake sent a messenger sent a trumpet to the viceroy to to the viceroy to demand the demand the priest who was the priest who was the instigator of chief (1) instrument in that the outrage. The viceroy answered ill-usage. The viceroy answered that he could not touch him, as he he had no authority over the had no authority over the priests. (15) priests, and so could not To this Blake replied, that he did dispose of him. Blake upon that not intend to inquire to whom the sent him word that he would not authority belonged, but, if the inquire who had the (1) power to priest were not sent within three send the priest to him, but if hours, he would burn the town. The he were not sent within three townspeople being in no condition hours, he would burn their town; to resist, the priest was at once (43) and (5) they, being in no sent. On his arrival, he defended condition to resist him, sent himself, alleging the insolence of the priest to him, (43) (44) who the sailors. But the English (50) justified himself upon the Admiral replied that a complaint petulant behaviour of the seamen. should have been forwarded to him, and then he would have punished (44) Blake answered that, if (5) them severely, for none of his he had sent a complaint to (5) sailors should be allowed to him of(5) it, (5) he would affront the established religion have punished them severely, since of any place where they touched. (5) he would not suffer his "But," he added, "I take it ill men to affront the established that you should set on your religion of any place at which (5) countrymen to do my work; for I he touched; but (5) (6) he will have all the world know that took it ill, that he set on the an Englishman is only to be Spaniards to do (5) it; for he punished, by an Englishman." Then, would have all the world to know satisfied with having had the (50) that an Englishman was only to be offender at his mercy, Blake punished by an Englishman; (43) entertained him civilly and sent (44) and so he treated the priest him back. civilly, and sent him back (30), being satisfied that he had him at his mercy.