Heart Of Courage

Sophie sneaked into his head. Rubbing his palm where he’d felt the baby kick, he remembered the wonder that’d filled him at the thought his baby was in there. Not just a baby—his baby. What was he going to do now?

‘You should try settling down some place,’ List commented dryly. ‘You never know. You might like owning a home, not a house. Having a family to come back to at the end of the day or a tour of duty.’

His house was just fine, thanks very much. ‘Says the man who plays the field even harder than I do.’ He’d ignore the barb List had delivered.

Or so he thought. ‘Sure I do, but I’m looking, man. I want the wife and kids, the whole nine yards of snotty noses and nappies. The football in the back yard. The romantic nights under the stars when the kids are asleep in bed.’

Cooper rubbed his hands over his head. ‘Thought I knew you. When did you get so staid?’

His pal laughed. ‘When the plane landed here six months ago. I climbed down onto home turf and knew I was ready to settle down. I’ve had enough running around with the boys and not having anyone special to come home to after a particularly messy tour.’

‘You’re going to quit the army? And you’re aiming to convince me to join up with your lot?’

‘Don’t put words in my mouth. I’m merely trying to get you to think things through clearly, make the right decisions with all the facts.’

There was that nudge again. This time like a bulldozer. List did know something about him and Sophie. He’d swear it. But he wasn’t going to ask. A barrage of questions would follow. Questions he had yet to work out the answers to. ‘Is there any other way?’ he asked acerbically. Then shrugged. ‘Up for a beer when you’re done here?’ Thinking could be highly overrated and right now he’d had more than his share of it. ‘I could do with a distraction—and something cold and wet.’

And I do not want any innuendo about Sophie.

‘Let’s go. I’m not even meant to be here today, only came on so as I could give you a hard time.’

‘Got my uses, then.’ Cooper followed his mate out into the glaring sun, looking forward to catching up properly with him.

‘How close are you to Sophie?’ List tossed over his shoulder.

Cancel that. He should never have suggested a beer. ‘Who says I am?’ What had Sophie told List?

‘No one. The fact that she was the first person you went to see on arrival speaks volumes. Usually it’s me you’re plaguing with your presence.’

Why hadn’t he thought of that? ‘There’s no hiding anything from you, is there?’

List smirked. ‘Don’t forget it. One last thing and then I’ll shut up.’

List didn’t do shutting up very well, but what could he say? ‘Go on.’

‘I’d like to swap you onto the same flight out as Sophie’s taking early next week. It’s a long haul back to Auckland and I’d hate for something to happen and there be no medic to help.’

Worry lifted bumps on Cooper’s skin. ‘Is she having problems?’ Please, anything but that.

‘A couple of short bouts of sharp pain. She calls them some funny name, says they’re false labour pains, but I don’t know. Seems strange to me.’

The worry backed off. ‘Braxton Hicks contractions. They’re quite normal.’ He could still leave on his planned flight.

‘That’s them. Normal, eh? Fair enough, but I’d still like you on that plane.’

‘She’ll be fine.’

And I’ll be at home, getting on with my next career move.

‘And if she’s not? What if she goes into labour between here and NZ?’

There’d be people to help her, to deliver the baby and take care of them. ‘I’ll be on that flight.’

* * *

Stretching out on her bunk twenty-four hours later, Sophie put her hands over her stomach and stared up at the ceiling. The heat had drained the energy out of her once again.

Kick.

‘You take your toll too, little one.’ Little one. Soon she’d have to decide on a name. There was a list in her drawer. Lots of names she liked but none that grabbed her. It wasn’t as easy to choose as she’d have believed. A name was for life. She didn’t want anything that could be shortened into an awful nickname, or something odd that might get her girl teased, but she didn’t want plain and ordinary either. Her friends on base were constantly teasing her about her inability to make up her mind. Said it was a prime example of baby brain in someone who usually knew exactly what she wanted.

But then this whole pregnancy thing had been a brain mess. It shouldn’t have happened in the first place, and would probably keep her celibate for a lot longer than she’d planned on.

Could just buy condoms by the ton.

Yep. That’d work.

Ha. She was only weeks away from becoming a mother. There wasn’t going to be time for having fun with men. Junior here would need all her attention, and any spare time would be taken up with work. If she could find a part-time position after baby arrived. She had to. How else would they live? Babies didn’t come free, and she wanted the best for hers. A cosy home—read a tiny but cheery flat. A loving mother—read one who’d never blame her daughter for holding her back from her career.

Somehow she’d find the balance between parenting and working, because one wouldn’t happen without the other.

Knock, knock. ‘Sophie?’

Cooper. The last person she wanted to see right now. But not acknowledging him mightn’t work. He appeared to be the kind of man who’d walk right on in, and that would only make her look stupid. Struggling up off the bed, she reached to tug the door wide. ‘Yes?’

Oh, but he looked good. More than good. Make that breathtaking. His white T-shirt accentuated his biceps and as for those pecs... Her cheeks reddened. They were out of this world. If she’d had to make a mistake then she’d made it with a seriously built guy. Her glance slid lower, took in the knee-length shorts that sat snugly on his slim hips.

‘Sophie, can we spend some time together?’

‘We worked in the same room all day.’ She’d deliberately kept any conversation focused on patients or upcoming health programmes. Last night she’d seen him leave base with Alistair so had relaxed about eating in the mess, knowing he wouldn’t suddenly appear at her side, full of awkward questions.

‘I’d like to get to know you a little better,’ he insisted.

Why so reasonable? At least she could argue with the angry version. ‘It’s hard to find privacy around here.’ Did she really want to be alone with him when all she could think about was the outstanding features of that body his clothes did nothing to hide? A body she’d seen little of yet had known intimately.

‘We could go somewhere there’s air-conditioning,’ he said with a tempting smile.

She made up her mind, hoping she wouldn’t regret it. ‘Air-con will get me every time. It’s stuffy in here.’ Learning more about Cooper couldn’t hurt. As long as she kept it all in perspective and didn’t start thinking they could have a future together. She hadn’t forgotten his reputation as a playboy. Or her mum and dad’s style of parenting. Which was what her baby would have if they got together. Very off-putting for her as well.

‘I do have another idea. Want to go for a swim? I hear there’s a nature park not far away that’s safe from crocs. We could take a picnic.’

She knew exactly where he meant. ‘You’d risk going that far in my car?’ What would she use for a swimsuit?

Cooper swung some keys from his finger. ‘Air con, remember?’

‘Who have you stolen that off?’

‘List.’ She must’ve gaped at him because he explained, ‘Alistair.’

‘Of course.’ Alistair would lend his vehicle to his mate.

Cooper jiggled the keys at her. ‘Your choice. Swim or bar. Which is it to be?’

As her skin was moist with sweat due to the soaring temperatures and the additional weight she carried the idea of slipping into cold water was impossible to let pass. ‘I’ll change into an old shirt and some shorts.’

‘Bring warmer clothes for later in case it gets chilly. I’ll go get a couple of things and meet you back here in ten.’

The heat wouldn’t cool down that much, and neither would she. Sophie watched him stride away, those long, muscular legs giving her heart palpitations. How could anyone be so perfect?

Aha, that’s physically.

What about his personality? Couldn’t be perfect as well. Probably not, but so far she hadn’t found anything to make her dislike him or even be wary of him. Right now she didn’t care. She was too busy enjoying the view.

Cooper waved over his shoulder at her without turning round. So he knew she was ogling him. Ego. He was so used to women falling all over him it would never occur otherwise.

Didn’t help that she’d proven him right.

* * *

The water was cool and immediately brought down the heat that had plagued her all day. ‘This is bliss.’

She was glad she’d come. Forget looking like a beached whale. For the first time in ages she was comfortable in the hot northern state. Auckland could be warm and muggy, but never did the temperatures reach the thirties. Which had to be a plus for when she got home.

‘You’re happy?’ Water splashed over her as Cooper dropped down beside her.

‘Very.’ She sighed her pleasure.

‘You’re easily pleased.’

Sometimes. ‘Where did you do your training?’

He went with the change of subject. ‘Auckland. Qualified as a surgeon four years ago and signed up for a short stint with the army straight away. You?’

‘Otago.’ She’d been in a hurry to get away from home. Nothing to keep her there. ‘I was four years behind you.’

‘Why did you sign up for the military?’

‘I love travelling and they were wanting surgeons for places I’d never been and was unlikely to visit on my own.’ Travelling kept her focused and didn’t allow time for the doubts and insecurities to creep in. If she didn’t stay in one place for long she wasn’t in danger of getting close to people.

‘You wanted to see Afghanistan?’

‘Why not?’ It hadn’t been her first pick but she’d signed up for an adventure. Not the army’s fault she’d got more than she’d bargained for. ‘Thank goodness it was only a twelve-month contract.’ She shuddered as vivid memories of that attack in Bamiyan struck.

‘Got more than you bargained for?’

‘I still have nightmares about that bomb blast. Do you?’

‘Often.’ Cooper traced a finger over her chin. ‘There are some good memories about what followed.’

Sophie’s head jerked back. She had those memories too. But that had been then, while now was a whole new deal. ‘I was incredibly naïve to think nothing would happen while I was there.’

I’m thinking bombs, not babies.

‘I reckon every soldier who signs up is guilty of that. By the way, have you heard how Kelly’s doing?’

‘Really well, despite losing her leg.’ They talked regularly. ‘She’s planning on returning to nursing on a part-time basis as soon as she gets the hang of her prosthesis. She’s fallen in love with one of the medics who evacuated her to Darwin, and they’ve set up house together in Perth.’

‘The strange twists of fate.’

Yeah. Look what fate had done for her. ‘It’s stopped me in my tracks, and made me reassess what’s important. Before Bamiyan my life was all about surgery and travel. Now I’ve got someone else to think about.’

And I still have no idea what I’m doing.

‘Are you going to continue working after the baby’s born?’

‘I’m hoping for part time at first.’ The money she’d saved while in the army would see her through till the New Year if she was careful.

‘You’ll employ a nanny?’

She blew air over her lips. ‘Not sure yet. I don’t like that idea, but I do have to earn a living.’

Cooper pushed away and began swimming. His arms cut through the water, his strength pulling him along quickly and efficiently. What had she said? It was the truth. She didn’t have a wealthy family to fall back on. She didn’t have any sort of family to turn to really. Mum and Dad wouldn’t want a bar of her and her baby, which was why she hadn’t found the courage to tell them they were about to become grandparents. She couldn’t face their scorn at having made the same mistake they had. But there was a difference. She wasn’t getting married for the sake of her reputation, as her parents had done.

Sophie flipped onto her back to float on the current, but the bulge that was her belly poked up at the sky and she immediately dropped back onto her feet. Sinking until the water reached her chin she relaxed into the coolness and pushed aside all her doubts for another day. It was strange how that now she’d told Cooper about the baby everything else she’d been avoiding was filling her head. Finding somewhere to live, getting furniture, baby clothes and a bassinet. Then there was telling her parents about the mistake she’d made with Cooper. Time was running out and once she was home there would be no excuse for not sorting everything out. Including the doubts and fears that followed her into sleep every night.

‘Can I see you when we get back to Auckland?’ Cooper appeared from behind her.

She’d been so tied up in her own thoughts she hadn’t heard him splashing through the water. ‘I did say I wouldn’t stop you from having a part in the baby’s life.’ Even with his now slightly longer hair plastered to his skull he looked good. Too darned good for her heart rate, which had risen too high in a blink.

‘Just checking.’

‘Cooper, if I say something like that I mean it and am not going to retract it.’

He nodded slowly. ‘It’s weird, being brought together over something so important with someone I know next to nothing about. Allow me the odd left-field question. I’m sure you’ve got plenty of your own.’

‘Here’s one.’ But not so left field. Her T-shirt clung to her outline like a second, wrinkled skin, and left nothing to the imagination. ‘Will you refrain from staring at me as I waddle out of the water and wrap a towel around my waist?’ Except she didn’t have a waist any more.

He should’ve laughed at that. He didn’t. Instead, he put an arm around her and began walking them towards the water’s edge. ‘Don’t talk like that. You’re beautiful and your pregnancy makes you glow: it does not make you ugly or fat or ungainly. It suits you. Please, believe me.’

How could she not when he sounded so sincere? Looked at her like she was beautiful? Special even. Tears sprang to her eyes. ‘You say the nicest things.’

Damn you.

But of course he did. He was a playboy. A charmer. But... She’d swear his words were genuine. Not meant just to stroke her ego and win him a few brownie points. She was vulnerable at the moment. Doing this on her own was bound to make her susceptible to whatever Cooper said. Wasn’t it?

Actually, no, she didn’t believe that. She was strong, and, despite baby hormones tearing into things, she was managing just fine—if she didn’t think about everything that could go wrong before, during and after the birth. After would be a lifetime. A lifetime of hoping she got her role as a parent right, never hurt her girl, never let her down, loved her unconditionally. How could she do that when she’d never experienced it? One thing she knew for certain—she’d never needed a man to tell her she was beautiful before, and she wasn’t starting now. She’d accept Cooper’s compliment for what it was, and enjoy it. ‘Thanks.’

‘I mean every word.’

A warm glow that had nothing to do with the sun made her skin tingle. Could be that it might help, having him around occasionally. He’d lift her spirits on the down days.

Cooper flicked a blanket out over the grass and opened a chilly bag to produce cold water for her and a beer for him. ‘We’ve got chicken and focaccia for dinner. Basic but the best I could find in that small grocery shop down the road from the base. I didn’t want to waste time going into town. You might’ve changed your mind about coming out with me before I got back.’

‘Once the idea of a swim was lodged in my mind nothing would’ve stopped me coming.’

‘My fatal charm had nothing to do with it, then?’ He grinned at her like he couldn’t care less what she thought.

Grinning back, she said, ‘Nope.’ This easy banter between them was good, and fun, and helped her relax a little bit more. Wrapping her towel around her, she tucked it under her breasts and ignored the steady gaze Cooper directed at her. Ignored the urgent need cranking up in the pit of her belly, tightening muscles that hadn’t had a workout for more than seven months. Sinking down onto the blanket, she stretched her legs out, leaned back on her elbows to look upward and tried to ignore how he was gazing at the baby bump with something like dread in his expression.

‘It will all work out, Cooper.’

‘You think?’ Thankfully he shrugged into a shirt.

‘I hope,’ she said with a rueful smile, missing the view but hoping her internal heat would cool now.

‘You have doubts?’

‘Who doesn’t at this stage?’ He didn’t need to know what hers were. He’d probably hightail it out of the country without a backward glance. Despite common sense and the self-preservation she usually relied on, she wanted to spend time with him.

Cooper threw her a curveball. ‘What does it feel like to be carrying a baby?’

Where to start? ‘Awkward. Cumbersome. Wonderful. Exciting. Frightening.’ Ouch. Why tell him that? He’d have a multitude of questions, along with doubts about her ability to be a good mother.

Cooper parked his butt beside her and reached for one of her hands, wrapped it in his larger one, making her feel delicate. ‘Tell me about frightening.’

Her heart lurched. She shouldn’t have said that word but he had an uncanny knack of making her say things she never intended to. If only she had the strength to pull her hand free and forget the yearning his touch evoked. ‘Oh, you know. Am I going to be a good mother? How will I handle the birth? All the usual things expectant mothers apparently think about.’

‘Why wouldn’t you be a great mum?’ His thumb stroked the back of her hand.

This was the problem with knowing nothing about each other. She had to expose herself, her vulnerabilities as well as her needs and concerns. But not all of them, or with any depth. ‘I didn’t have great role models growing up.’

‘That could be a benefit. You’ll be determined to do better, not make whatever mistakes your parents made with you.’ He sounded so sure of himself, so at ease with it all. And so right.

Which annoyed her. ‘Easy to say if you’ve had the perfect upbringing.’

‘Does that even happen?’ he growled, and moved to put space between them, leaving her hand cold. Delving into the bag, he passed her some crisps. ‘Here.’

Seemed like she’d touched a taboo subject. He’d wanted to know about her life, so he should be prepared to reciprocate with details about his. They’d come out for some time together and she didn’t want to spoil it with an argument. Her annoyance backed off too easily as she munched on a handful of crisps. It wasn’t often she got off base for some fun. Fun with a man she’d never quite got over, and knew would always hold a special place in her heart for giving her a child.

While devouring bulging triangles of focaccia and chicken, they talked about things that had nothing to do with the baby—army life, their medical careers, travel. For the first time since that blue line had appeared on the stick Sophie felt completely at ease and was just thinking she could do this every day for the rest of her time in Darwin when Cooper blew the evening apart.

‘Sophie.’ His voice was husky and thick. ‘I’ve been thinking. Let’s get married. I can support you if you want to be a full-time mum. That way I’d always be a part of our daughter’s life and you wouldn’t have to take all the responsibility. What do you think?’

CHAPTER FOUR

‘MARRY YOU?’ BUT... ‘I can’t.’ But... Sophie spluttered water over her front. They didn’t know each other. There was certainly no love between them. But...

Cooper looked startled. ‘Can’t? You’re not already married?’

Sophie shoved awkwardly to her feet as hurt lanced her. ‘How dare you? You think I’d have had sex with you if I was married? Even in the circumstances you believe I’d be unfaithful? Thanks a million, buster.’ She was shouting and couldn’t care less that people on the other side of the grove were staring. Cooper had handed her the biggest insult he could find. Then her stomach tightened, sending pains shooting in all directions. ‘Ah.’ She wrapped her arms around her belly and held her breath. This hurt, big time.

‘You okay?’ Cooper had risen to his feet too. ‘Sophie, talk to me.’

Breathe. One. Two. Three. Another Braxton Hicks contraction. Fingers crossed. She wasn’t ready for the real deal. Way too soon. The pain in her belly softened, backed off. But not the hurt Cooper had inflicted. She snapped her head up and glared at him. ‘No, I’m not okay.’

‘Easy.’

‘That’s all you ever say when things get heated. Easy. I’m telling you I am not going easy on you. Not after that bombshell you just delivered.’

‘Which one?’ His hands gripped his hips. Under his T-shirt his chest was rising and falling rapidly, like he’d run a marathon. But his gaze softened as it settled on her belly.

He was seriously disrupting all her carefully laid plans. No wonder she hadn’t wanted him in on the pregnancy until after the birth. ‘Both.’

‘Tell me why we can’t...’ he flicked fingers in the air ‘...get married. It makes a lot of sense. We’re having a child and she deserves a family to grow up in.’

‘She’ll have one. Mummy in one house, Daddy in another.’ That sounded awful, but not as awful as Mummy and Daddy screaming that they hated each other and their daughter was the only reason they lived under the same roof. ‘That’s the way it’s going to be. No argument.’ Her lungs expelled air so fast her head spun.

Go away, Cooper.

‘I don’t get any say in this?’ Cooper’s voice was deceptively calm; that chest still moving too quickly being the giveaway to his real emotions.

Shaking her head at him, she said, ‘About getting married, no.’

Why did that tug at her heart? Going solo wasn’t how she’d ever envisioned raising a child, but that didn’t mean she’d grab the first offer that came along. Sexy hunk making the offer or not. Sex in hard boots or not. Which made it difficult not to give in to Cooper when he turned those winning smiles on her. She fell for them every time, but so far, thank goodness, she hadn’t made any major mistakes since he’d turned up on her patch yesterday.

‘So we agree to live in the same city at least?’ He ground out the question.

‘We haven’t agreed to anything yet,’ she snapped back. Where had the usual calm, happy Sophie gone? ‘I’m going home to Auckland. You say you might be stopping there, or you might be going back overseas with the army. Where would you want me living if you choose to do that, huh? I’m not following you around military bases.’ As if.

Calm down, girl. This is not the way to solve the differences between us.

What was the right way? Seemed they got on just fine if they kept off the subject of their child, but the moment anything to do with her and her future arose they were at loggerheads. ‘Cooper...’ She tried for a reconciliatory tone. It wasn’t easy. ‘Thank you for asking me but I will not do this for our child’s sake. That’s no way to start a marriage. I am open to discussions on where I live and how to raise our daughter.’

How come he was suddenly talking marriage? Alistair had warned her in an offhand way about his friend’s reputation of love ’em and leave ’em. Would he be faithful when there was no love between them? And, seriously, why should he be? Another reason to stick to her guns. ‘Why get hitched at all?’ she asked.

Uncertainty flickered through his eyes briefly and then he was in control again. ‘It’s the right thing to do.’

Oh, no, it’s not. Believe me.

‘No one gets married because they’re having a baby any more.’