Heart Of Courage

But no. That was wishful thinking. ‘How long have you got to run on your contract with the army?’

‘Ten weeks, but I’m only going to be on call for those weeks. I don’t expect to be called up. What about you?’

‘I’m done. For this contract anyway.’

‘You’re going to sign up again?’ She didn’t know how she felt about that. It wasn’t as though they would want to spend time together, yet he was the father of her baby. Despite her own reservations about Cooper, her daughter deserved to know her dad, to spend time with him. It would never be her fault her parents weren’t together, and therefore she shouldn’t suffer the consequences.

The irony had her pressing her lips together. She’d grown up having it rammed down her throat with monotonous regularity that she was the only reason her parents had married. Mum had been pregnant so they’d done the right thing and tied the knot. Unfortunately they hadn’t liked each other and the numerous arguments had been monumental, always ending with the blame landing firmly at Sophie’s feet. They’d certainly put her off getting hitched. Why bother when she was happy and free? Becoming trapped and miserable would be a rerun of her childhood. So—no tying the knot in her future. Unless she found a man she loved unconditionally and who returned the sentiment. As she hadn’t been looking, she didn’t know if such a beast existed.

‘I think I’m over the military.’ Cooper stared ahead as he answered her question.

‘What next, then?’

‘Hospital contract.’

‘Where?’ she persisted.

‘Auckland.’

So he wasn’t just visiting, he was stopping. Guess she should be glad they’d be in the same city. Shouldn’t she? That depended on lots of things. ‘That’s where you come from?’ When he nodded abruptly she commented, ‘You’re not happy with my questions.’ It was like pulling teeth.

‘Not particularly.’

Fair enough. ‘But I know next to nothing about you.’

‘That’s how I like it,’ he snapped.

With all his relationships? Or just the one involving her that he’d have to adjust to? Could be he thought she was working out how much she could ask for child support. She contemplated letting him stew for a while, then realised how bitchy that was. Not so long ago he’d been sucker-punched with most men’s worst nightmare. Her memories of the day she’d learned about the baby were still sharp, and that had been months ago. Shock followed by excitement, followed by fear. Those emotions still rocked her some days. ‘For what it’s worth, I have no intention of demanding money from you to raise my daughter.’

‘Our daughter.’

Kapow! So he’d accepted the fact he was a father. Or had he? Was this just a hiccup as he processed everything? Her head spun. It seemed too easy. Far too easy to be true. What was the catch? When no answers came to mind she focused on driving safely and getting to Harry’s Place in one piece.

Wonder of wonders, there was a parking space right outside the main entrance. With her usual efficiency—baby brain on hold for once—she backed into it and turned off the engine.

Our daughter.

The knob came off the handle as she wound hard to close her window. ‘Stupid car. Something’s always falling off.’ Opening the door to allow some air flow through, she couldn’t stop her mind running away on her.

My baby. Our baby.

A knot formed in her gut, dread cramping her muscles. ‘I don’t expect anything of you.’

‘I’m starting to get the picture. Why didn’t you contact me about this? Apart from wanting nothing of me, wasn’t I entitled to know?’ His hand waved between them, sort of in the direction of her extended belly. As though he was struggling with the whole concept after all. Which made more sense and was a lot closer to the reaction she’d expected.

The heat was building up rapidly and making her feel very light-headed. Shoving out of the car, she slammed the door, leant against it until her balance returned. Stepping onto the pavement, she told him, ‘It’s not like we knew each other.’ It was hard not to yell at him, to ram her words in his face.

‘Which gave you the right to decide I shouldn’t have anything to do with my child?’ The pewter of his eyes was now cold steel. His mouth had become a flat line that dragged his face down, making her realise it was the first time she’d seen him without a hint of a smile softening his expression. No, that wasn’t right. He’d looked stunned and shocked when he’d first seen her in the medical unit. No smile then either.

‘I always intended telling you after the birth.’ Her cheeks were getting hotter by the second, and not from the heat slamming up from the pavement.

‘Why not before?’ He stepped up beside her, dwarfing her with his size as he glared down at her.

‘It’s personal. Private.’ She so did not want Cooper hanging around for midwife appointments and examinations. No, thank you.

‘That’s it? Personal? Private?’ When she continued to watch him, he snapped, ‘It took two to tango in the first place. You can’t just kick me into touch and then haul me back as it suits you.’

She gasped. She wasn’t doing that. ‘It’s not like that. I wanted this time to myself to get used to the fact my life’s changed irrevocably.’ She couldn’t tell him that every time she’d thought of emailing him vivid memories of being piggy in the middle of her parents’ disastrous marriage rolled in, and had her shutting down her good intentions. She’d been afraid to include Cooper in case her daughter had to grow up with the same pressures. Bad enough she knew next to nothing about good parenting, let alone adding Cooper to the mix. Tossing the hand grenade back at him, she asked, ‘What could you have done these past months?’

‘Supported you.’

How? Money? Marriage? They were in the army, unable to move to be with someone even if they wanted to. She shuddered. ‘I don’t need that from you.’ Her friends would be there for her if—when—she asked. Her head spun. Happened a lot lately. The sun pounded her from above. Then the ground was rushing up to meet her.

‘Hey, easy.’ Strong arms wrapped around her, held her safe. Too safe. She liked these arms, remembered them holding her as they’d...made a baby.

Sophie struggled to free herself of Cooper. This was another reason she hadn’t wanted him on the scene throughout her pregnancy. There’d been days when she’d gone into panic mode, wondering what on earth she was doing, going through with the pregnancy. But it wasn’t like there’d been any alternative. She’d never have an abortion. But the thought of raising a child was frightening. On those bad days she’d been vulnerable, and if Cooper had been around she might’ve clung to him, relative stranger or not. There was something about him that could easily undermine her resolve to go it alone and that was dangerous—for the three of them.

Cooper kept his hand on her waist, and began walking her inside. ‘Let’s get out of this sun. It’s debilitating.’

‘It sure is.’

So are the spikes of heat in my blood brought on by your touch.

Her knees felt as firm as a piece of string, and her breathing was shallow.

Sex in hard boots.

Kelly’s words from that fateful day ricocheted around her skull. There’d been an instant attraction back then, one she’d fully intended ignoring. Seemed bombs could blow up more than the earth and buildings and people. All thoughts of staying clear of Cooper had gone AWOL when she’d leapt into his arms behind the accommodation block. Now he was with her, doing the same job to her internally as the sun was doing externally. Pregnancy had made her emotional, and this was just another example. Less than seven weeks to go and then she’d again be in charge of her hormones and everything they upset. Fingers crossed.

First there was a conversation to be had. How could she have got pregnant to a man she’d known a few hours and never seen again? A man she knew zilch about—being a sexy hunk didn’t count. Except that’s what had got her into this situation in the first place.

‘Are you looking forward to becoming a mum?’ Cooper asked as he sat down opposite her at a small table inside, after ordering their drinks and some sandwiches.

Sophie nodded slowly. ‘I am now.’ When she’d first seen the blue line on the stick she’d gone into denial. Being a mother had not been on her to-do list. That had ideas on it like climbing the Sydney Harbour Bridge, hiking in Greece, going to Iceland to see the Northern Lights. This...her hand touched her belly...was something she’d thought she’d consider later if and when she found the right man. Or if her biological clock switched on.

‘But not in the beginning.’ Cooper was studying her too intently for comfort. Looking for what? A history of madness or irresponsibility?

‘I’ve never been inclined to settle down.’ Too many things to see and do in this world to want to disappear behind a picket fence. Except that theory had slapped her across the face recently. Avoiding life was no longer an option. But Cooper wasn’t going to take advantage of these uncertainties. ‘Now I’m ready.’ Despite the panic that occasionally overwhelmed her, she could say, Bring it on. She couldn’t wait to meet her daughter.

Their daughter.

Eek, but this was awkward.

Thankfully her phone rang just then. Ignoring Cooper’s scowl of disapproval, she answered. ‘Yes, Corporal?’

‘Captain, can you come back? One of the Unimogs went off a bank during the exercise and they’re bringing the men in to be checked over.’

Instantly Sophie was on her feet. ‘Any reports of serious casualties?’

At her question Cooper also stood up. ‘I’m available if needed,’ he said quietly.

‘So far only two probable fractures have been reported, but we’re to see all the personnel who were on board,’ the corporal informed her. ‘ETA is thirteen hundred hours.’

Less than an hour away. She had to head back and make ready for the soldiers. It was a lucky escape from the conversation she wasn’t ready for. ‘I’m on my way.’ Sliding her phone into a pocket, she turned to Cooper. ‘A Unimog tipped off a bank. So far we’ve got a couple of likely fractures. The rest of the crew is to be given the once-over. I’ve got the staff to cover it.’

‘In other words, you don’t need me.’ Was that disappointment behind his question?

‘I’d have thought after a long-haul flight you wouldn’t want to work.’

‘You were expecting me, weren’t you?’

‘Yes.’ She turned to the guy behind the counter. ‘Can you put my sandwich in a bag? I’ve got to go.’

‘No problem, Sophie. How’s that baby doing?’

‘Like a gymnast training for the Olympics.’ She grinned, then saw Cooper scowling again. Didn’t he like her being friendly to the locals? Tough, he was out of luck. She did friendly. Plus guys like the one behind the counter had been a part of her life for the last few months. Cooper hadn’t.

The baby kicked hard.

She sucked in a breath. Her hand automatically went to the spot and rubbed gently. It was as though the baby knew her dad was here and needed to remind Sophie he’d been a part of her life ever since Bamiyan.

Cooper was staring at her hand, his throat working hard. Awe filled his eyes and softened his mouth.

‘You want to feel the movement?’ she asked before she had put her brain in gear.

‘No.’

Relief speared her, quickly followed by disappointment. Of course he didn’t, stupid. ‘Fine.’ She turned away.

‘Sophie? I’m still getting my head around all this.’

‘Sure. I understand.’

I think.

She probably wasn’t being fair. The guy would be tired from that flight squashed in the back of the transport plane with a load of other men. Throw in the shock of learning about the baby and he was allowed time to accept everything, wasn’t he? ‘Just trying to involve you a little bit.’ She turned for the exit.

‘Um, can I touch? Feel her?’ The new look in his eyes held hope and excitement, and stopped short her sudden need to step away from him and run.

As if running was an option with a barrel sticking out from her stomach. ‘Here.’ On an indrawn breath she reached for his hand and placed it where her baby was kicking. She ignored the spike of warmth that stole up her arm from where she touched him, and the sense of rightness having his hand on her belly gave her. Because it wasn’t right. Never would be. They didn’t belong together and this was a very intimate moment. Even if they were standing in a café full of strangers.

When ignoring Cooper proved impossible she gave in and leaned closer, breathed in his scent. Hot male with a hint of musk. Her tongue lapped her lips. This was crazy. They’d spent less time together than most people had with their dentist and yet now they were having a child and her hormones were in a spin every time he came within breathing distance.

‘Wow...’ Awe drew out that single word and filled his eyes so that they glittered with amazement.

Danger.

The warning flashed into Sophie’s brain.

He’s not going to walk away and leave you to get on with having your baby. He’s hooked. Whether he knows it or not.

Pushing at his hand, she stepped backwards. ‘I need to get back to base.’

‘I’m coming with you.’ Cooper’s tone told her not to argue. He changed his moods rapidly and often. Something to remember. Now all that amazement had gone; filed away, no doubt for him to take out at his leisure.

Which worried her. Yes, he was the father. Yes, she wanted him to be a part of their daughter’s life. No, he was not welcome at the birth, or any midwife sessions beforehand. He was most definitely not going to take part in deciding where she’d live, or how many hours a week she’d work, or how to bring up her daughter. Those were her decisions to make.

But there was no avoiding the fact they were inextricably tied together for the rest of their lives.

‘Can’t you find something to entertain yourself in town for the rest of the afternoon?’ she asked, even knowing his answer. Being crammed into the car together again made her throat dry and her head spin. Cooper frightened her. Simply by demanding his rights he could destroy her independence, which was her safe haven.

‘I’m coming with you, Sophie.’ He already had her door open and was waiting patiently for her to clamber in, an activity no longer done with ease now that she had an enormous stomach to squeeze behind the steering wheel. ‘Maybe I should drive,’ he said as he watched her awkward movements.

‘No way,’ she shouted, and grabbed the door to slam it shut. It was so tempting to throw the car into gear and race away, leaving him on the roadside. Childish, yes. Would it relieve some of the tension tightening her muscles? Absolutely.

Cooper must’ve seen something in her expression because he was around the car and sliding into the passenger seat even before the key was in the ignition. Worse, he grinned at her. ‘Didn’t know you had a temper.’

Which cranked her temper higher. ‘There’s a lot you don’t know, Captain, and I intend keeping it that way.’ The car jerked onto the road as she touched the accelerator.

A hand covered her thigh, squeezed lightly. ‘Easy, Sophie. Let’s take this one step at a time. First being to get back to base in one piece.’

Boy. Did he know how to wind her up or what? Her first reaction was to slam on the brakes and kick him out. Literally. Her second was to slam on the brakes and ask nicely if he’d mind getting out. Finally she wound down her window for much-needed air and drove carefully, and silently, back to work. But her teeth were clenched, and her jaw ached by the time she got there.

Why had she had sex with this man in the first place?

Sex in hard boots.

CHAPTER THREE

COOPER COULDN’T CONCENTRATE. On anything. Sophie. Baby. Both had stomped through his mind, destroying his renowned ease with most things.

She’d relented and made him part of the team to examine the men from the Unimog. He’d managed to be thorough and professional, but he was glad he’d been assigned the cases where the men said they were okay except for bruising. A matter of verification before signing them off that even he could manage while dealing with the bewilderment swamping him since Sophie’s announcement about the baby.

‘Get dressed, soldier,’ Cooper told the musclebound specimen standing before him. ‘You’re in good shape.’

‘Yes, Sir.’ The guy might’ve answered him but his focus was on the woman on the other side of the room.

Sophie was busy, reading an X-ray plate of one of the less fortunate men’s ribs and talking on the phone. She hung up. ‘Three fractures on your right side, Corporal. With those, along with the torn ligaments in the same site, you’re going to be very sore.’

Downplaying the pain earned her a grin. ‘Yes, Ma’am.’ He could’ve had his arm sawn off and he’d be happy as long as Sophie was dealing to him. It was no secret the soldiers adored her. Each and every one of them had eyes for no one else, even those in pain.

Cooper sighed. They weren’t on their own. He struggled to keep his eyes away from her. She was gorgeous. Not only physically but in her style, her kindness to everyone without being overpowering, her quietness. The first time they’d been together he hadn’t noticed any of these characteristics. There’d been too much going on with bombs and bullets and sex.

‘Are you finished with patients, Captain Daniels?’ Sophie had crossed the room to stand in front of him.

‘The last soldier has gone. A few bruises to grizzle about is his lot.’

‘Thank goodness we didn’t get anything too serious, broken bones notwithstanding.’ She was doing that belly-rubbing thing again.

‘Are you aware how often you do that?’ he asked thoughtlessly, and got a shy smile in return.

‘Probably not. It’s almost a habit.’

A cute, caring habit. ‘I admit feeling the baby kick against my hand was...’ A life-changing moment. Another one. The second in a matter of hours. Seemed anything to do with Sophie Ingram happened fast. Like that night in Bamiyan. Though that had made some kind of sense, given the attack and how they’d had to fight their own fears in order to help others so the moment they’d relaxed all hell had broken loose between them.

But the moment he’d seen Sophie today his world had tipped sideways. That was before he’d noticed her pregnancy. Everything he believed in as far as women and relationships went had been suspended while he’d struggled to get his head around the fact he was responsible for that bump Sophie carried so beautifully, if not a little awkwardly at times.

When she’d placed his hand on her belly and he’d felt his daughter kick, he’d known the baby was real and not just an idea to grapple with. Scary. What he hadn’t counted on was the awe that had gripped him and the instant connection with the baby—and therefore with Sophie.

Forget scary. Try terrifying.

What was he going to do? Walk away? Man up? Find a middle line that worked for both of them? The three of them, growled a pesky voice in his head, reminding him he hadn’t really got the hang of all this yet. He wouldn’t be walking away. That much he did know. He wanted to. No point denying that. But he wouldn’t.

‘Captain Daniels?’ A corporal stood beside Sophie. ‘Lieutenant Colonel Shuker requests your presence.’

‘Thank you, Corporal. Can you tell me where I’ll find him?’ Yay, someone to talk to who had nothing to do with his dilemma.

But as he followed the soldier across the parade ground his elation deflated quicker than it had risen. Alistair Shuker, aka ‘List’ to his mates, was going to ask him what his plans were for the future. He was going to wave that Australian Army contract under his nose and tease him with money and a soft posting.

‘Coop, good to see you, man.’ List punched him lightly on the shoulder. ‘How was the flight?’

‘Rough, hot and boring.’ Cooper returned the punch and studied his friend. They’d been together on some hairy forays in joint exercises with their respective armies. List was a man a guy could rely on to get them out of a tight spot. He was also the only man who knew him well. They’d done a lot of talking in the deep of the night while waiting for situations to go down in Afghanistan. Too much. There was nothing List didn’t know about him, and vice versa. Except that was wrong. There was one snippet of information List had no idea about. One Cooper wasn’t about to share.

‘That why you disappeared off base with our lovely doctor? Needed a cold drink? Or great company?’ List was watching him so closely he had to be able to count his whiskers even though he’d shaved that morning.

Uh-oh. Did he know about the baby after all? As in who the father was? Had known before him? Cooper shivered. He didn’t like the idea. Not one little bit. The baby had nothing to do with anyone else except him and Sophie. ‘You’re friends with Sophie?’ And that idea made him squirm with something alien—jealousy. A nasty reaction he was ashamed to admit and yet found hard to squash. Why be jealous when he had no intention of settling down with any woman? Not even an auburn-haired, svelte beauty, who right now probably needed someone in her life to support her.

‘Everyone’s friends with Sophie. People adore her. No one wants to see her hurt.’ The warning couldn’t be louder—or clearer.

All the emotions of the day balled into anger and he took it out on List. ‘Don’t threaten me, mate. Whatever’s going on in that head of yours is way off the mark, so shut up. If you haven’t got anything better to say then I’m heading over to the mess where hopefully I’ll get some peace and quiet.’ And the very cold beer he’d missed out on at Harry’s Place due to Sophie being called back. His blood was boiling as he spun around to head for the door.

‘Coop, stop right there.’ List wasn’t quite pulling rank. The words were those of a commanding officer but the tone was that of a friend. Being a New Zealand officer didn’t quite let Cooper walk away in a huff from an Australian counterpart.

As much as Cooper wanted to storm off, he knew his reaction wasn’t only about his friend but a combination of everything that’d gone down since landing in Darwin. Stopping his retreat, he slowly turned round. ‘You wanted to talk about me signing up with your lot?’

Keep off the taboo topic, mate.

He was subjected to a long and deep perusal before List finally shrugged and sat down. ‘Yes.’ He nodded at the vacant chair on the other side of his desk. ‘You thought about it?’

Cooper elected to remain standing, still on edge. ‘A lot.’

‘And?’

‘I admit to not knowing what I want to do. I’m sort over soldiering, and yet going back to Civvy Street seems too tame.’ Restless didn’t begin to describe him. There had to be a lot more out there waiting for him, but what? Something was missing in his life. That much he got. What, how, where and why were yet to be answered. A challenge of some sort might fix whatever it was that ailed him.

A baby had to be up there as one of the biggest challenges possible.

List leaned back in his chair and placed his feet on the desk. ‘Sit down, man. It’s me you’re talking to.’

‘Yeah, I know.’ All too well. As quickly as it had risen, all the tension grabbing him evaporated. This was his best pal, the guy who knew far too much about him for him to be getting antsy. Cooper dropped onto the chair and propped his feet on the opposite end of the desk, rank forgotten for now. ‘So how’s life treating you?’

‘Can’t complain.’ List grinned. ‘Back on the mainland where it’s relatively safe, lots of women hanging around, my folks just down the road.’

‘I forgot you came from these parts.’

‘Born and bred Northern Territory guy. Mum and dad still live in the house I grew up in.’

‘I can’t begin to imagine what that’s like.’ Cooper again felt a spurt of jealousy. What was wrong with him today? Never before had he thought other people, especially his pal, were better off than him. While his father was constantly on the move with work and women, never settling down with anyone for more than a year at most, Cooper felt he didn’t have a home as such, but he’d got used to that. Dad always had his back and that meant a lot. He accepted that’s how it was for him and that he was happier doing the same as his father than trying to be someone else. Stopping in one place with one woman for the rest of his life? He shivered. Not something he knew much about, and would probably screw up if he even tried.