Heart Of Courage

‘I know. But I’m hurting for a friend. Okay?’ Sophie straightened her back, hauled her shoulder off the wall, took a step away. She’d had enough of Mr Confidence, didn’t need reminding why she was here.

‘Don’t go. Not yet.’ Cooper’s voice was low and, strangely, almost pleading.

She hesitated. Going inside where everyone was still talking and crying and laughing as they finally came down off the high caused by shock over the attack and continual hours of urgent surgery turned her cold. But staying here, talking to Cooper Daniels, held more danger, and she’d had her fill of that already. ‘Think I’ll go to my bunk.’

‘I’ll walk you across the compound.’ When she opened her mouth to say no he talked over her. ‘We don’t have to talk. I’d like your company for a few minutes, that’s all.’

There were no arguments to that. None that she could find without sounding like she was making a run for it to put space between them. Anyway, she suddenly felt in need of company too. Talk about being all over the place. ‘Sure.’ She stepped away to put space between them and rammed her hands into the pockets of her fatigues. Then tripped on a small rock.

Cooper caught her, held her until she righted herself. Left his hand on her elbow as they slowly made their way through the throng of personnel wandering almost aimlessly back and forth on the parade ground they were crossing.

Out of the blue came the need to keep Cooper with her. His hand was reassuring against her unease. Leaning into him, absorbing the warmth of being with someone as tension held her in its grip, was a tonic.

Thump. She jerked around, staring into the night, seeing nothing more than she’d been gazing at a moment earlier.

‘It’s okay. Some clown tossed a metal bucket at the fence.’ Cooper slipped his arm over her shoulders, drew her in closer.

‘I thought...’

‘Yeah. Me too.’

‘Have you ever experienced anything like what went down here?’ She’d known signing up to the army, even as a medic, had its dangers, but this was the first time she’d been confronted with the truth of living and working as an army officer in Afghanistan. She needed to toughen up and put it behind her, not let every little sound or bang have her leaping out of her skin.

Tension tightened the muscles in the arm draped across her shoulders. ‘Once. Near Kabul.’

‘Why do you keep coming back?’ She’d signed up for one year and now she wondered how she’d make it through without turning into a freaked-out wreck.

‘Army orders.’

So he wasn’t up for personal conversation. ‘Of course.’ She pulled away, put distance between them again. Wrapping her arms around her body, she stared ahead at the officers’ quarters. Lights blazed out over the compound and the idea of going inside to be surrounded by her colleagues became repugnant.

‘Want to keep walking for a bit?’ So he could mind-read. Probably as well as he could twist a dislocated clavicle back into place, as he’d done for Kelly. Or as easily as he had most upright females drooling over him without a word.

Including her, she realised. He had to be the most sexy, gorgeous, mouth-watering man she’d met in a long time. Had she drooled when Kelly had pointed him out? Couldn’t have or he wouldn’t have come over to see her, dribble on the chin being highly unattractive.

‘I’ll take that as a yes, then.’

Huh? Oh, right. Unused to women not gushing out answers to his questions? ‘I won’t be able to sleep. My head’s spinning and my body aches from being tossed through the air.’

‘That was some landing you made.’

‘Didn’t you get thrown down?’ she asked, suddenly remembering how quickly he’d seemed to be with her, covering her as bullets had flown past. ‘Thank you for protecting me. That was incredibly brave.’

‘Honestly? It’s something I did without considering the consequences. You looked vulnerable and I just fell over you.’

Sophie sighed. ‘That’s how brave people act. They don’t weigh up the consequences. Wasn’t it random how the three of us standing together ended up in different places? Kelly copped the worst of the explosion and was thrown in the opposite direction from us. We’re relatively unscathed.’

‘Be grateful. We were needed in Theatre afterwards.’

‘True.’ They were heading behind the officers’ quarters into comparative quiet and some darkness. Sophie looked around, saw no one in the shadows, and stopped. ‘Maybe I should go back.’

‘Afraid to be with me?’ That earlier challenge was back, deepening the huskiness in his voice.

‘Not at all,’ she snapped, even as awareness of him teased her. He was large; tall and broad. It would be so easy to lay her head on that chest and wrap her arms around his waist. She knew she’d feel safe for as long as she held onto him. Shock made her gasp.

But she didn’t pull away from that tiny touch of his hand brushing against her thigh as he waited to see what she’d do. She couldn’t move. Hell, she didn’t even want to. Right this moment she needed him. Needed reassurance that she’d survived her first bombing alive and well. Needed to get close to another human, to share the horror and the recovery from the shock. Wanted more than to be held. Wanted to feel alive in his arms.

‘Sophie?’ Cooper growled.

She stepped closer, so near her breasts brushed his chest. Her nipples pebbled, throbbing with longing, echoing the sensations moistening her at the apex of her legs. She had never wanted a man so badly. Never. The afternoon’s attack definitely had a lot to answer for. ‘Cooper,’ she whispered in reply. ‘Please take me.’

‘Are you sure?’ he asked, the softness of his voice surprising her.

‘Absolutely,’ she told him fiercely. ‘Absolutely.’ Now. Not in five minutes. Now. She leaned closer, spreading the length of her body up the length of his. She immediately felt his hardness, knew his reciprocating need in an instant. Winding her arms around his neck, she raised her mouth to capture his.

Cooper took over. His hands spanned her waist, pulling her firmly against his body, so close they’d become one. His tongue pushed through to taste her, delving deep, taking charge.

Sophie lost herself in his kiss, his scent, his strength. Her hands grappled with tugging his shirt free. The need to touch his skin, to feel his heat against her palms was urgent. So urgent she slid her hands beneath the waistband of his fatigues, her fingers seeking that throbbing heat pressing into her belly. Wrapping her hands around him, she heard his groan by her ear.

‘Sophie, you are driving me over the edge too fast.’

‘I want fast.’ Huh? Who was this wanton woman in her skin?

Cooper obliged, shoving at her trousers until they slid to her thighs, and then he cupped her.

All the air in her lungs whooshed across her lips as his finger found her hot, moist pulse. One slide of that finger and she was clinging to him, losing all sense of reality. Or was this reality? Another slide and her legs were trembling, losing the ability to hold her upright.

So she wrapped them around Cooper, holding herself over that wondrous finger, ready for his next muscle-tightening touch. But instead Cooper slid two fingers inside her and a scream flew up her throat, caught by his mouth. Since when had she become a screamer?

And then for the second time in twenty-four hours her world exploded. Shock waves hit her. Her body was racked with spasms, her head tipped backwards, and she was only vaguely aware of where she was. Again Cooper’s strong body was plastered to hers, only this time it was her weight on him, her legs around his body. Then he moved to lift her higher and she was feeling him enter her, inch by excruciating inch until he filled her.

Then he withdrew to plunge in deep again. And again. And again.

Sophie completely lost her mind as her body responded to Cooper’s. All she knew was she’d died and gone to some wondrous place she’d never experienced. All energy drained from her as her response overtook her.

And afterwards somehow she made it back to her bunk and slept the sleep of the completely sated.

CHAPTER TWO

Seven and a half months later...

COOPER SWIPED AT his forehead. The Aussie heat was relentless. Darwin did not come cold. Not even cool. And this was winter. Two hours since the troop carrier had touched down and he’d already had enough, felt in need of a cold shower despite showering and changing into clean clothes less than thirty minutes ago.

He entered the Australian Army’s busy medical unit and looked around for her. Sophie Ingram. No doubt she’d be another reason for a cold shower as soon as he set eyes on her. He’d never been able to exorcise the woman completely from his brain. One night, one hot act, and she now ruled his thought processes far too often. Face it, once was one time too many. But the times that really bugged him were those in the middle of the night when he was tossing and turning in desperate need of sleep. She’d sneak in, reminding him of her amazing body and that off-the-scale sex they’d shared. Only once, and yet it had been the best he’d experienced in a life of experience.

There. Leaning over a table in the far corner, reading a file, seemingly oblivious to the hustle going on around her. The breath stalled in his lungs as he drank in the sight of that tall, slight figure with perfect butt curves that even fatigues did nothing to hide. Or was that his memory filling in the details? Her coppery brown hair hung in a long ponytail down her spine. He hadn’t had a chance to run his hands through that silk, hadn’t kissed her as often as he’d have liked. Both things he’d regretted even when the opportunity hadn’t been there. If he had, would he still be feeling there was so much more to be enjoyed? It wasn’t as if he wanted anything other than a rerun of that one act. If it didn’t happen it wouldn’t be the end of the world, but there was no harm in finding out if she was willing while he was here.

Sophie looked as cool as an iced beer as she straightened to turn side on to place the file in a tray.

Cooper gasped, the air exploding out of his lungs. His head spun so fast he closed his eyes tight in an attempt to stop it, to remain upright. Opening them again, the picture was exactly the same. He went hot, then cold, hot again. Thud, thud, thud slammed his heart. He swallowed—hard—but the sourness remained in his mouth. His hands clenched at his sides as he stared at the sexy woman he’d come to see with the idea of having a meal somewhere off base, hopefully followed by an evening in the sack. He had not come to be delivered a hand grenade that the pin had been pulled from.

‘Cooper?’ She was coming towards him, colour spilling into her cheeks. No longer cool. Shocked. Surprised. No. Make that uneasy. Which made perfect sense given the situation. She said, ‘I heard you were stopping off for a couple of days on your way home.’

He fought the urge to back away. A coward he was not, but this was...enormous. Wrong word. He could even be wrong about what he saw. No, not about that, but about his role in the situation.

‘I’ve just flown in from the east, landed a couple of hours ago.’

Her eyes widened. So she’d picked up on the fact he hadn’t wasted any time dropping in on her.

‘I heard you were still here and thought I’d say hello.’

Getting yourself in deeper, bud.

She’d reached him and stood staring, hands on hips, caution darkening those emerald eyes that had haunted him in the deep of the night. Her voice wavered as she said, ‘This is my last week here before I’m shipped back home to finish my contract in Auckland.’

She was going to Auckland? So was he. The day after tomorrow. Auckland was big. They’d never cross paths. Coward. That’s what phones were for. Contacting people. ‘I guess you’re looking forward to that. The heat must be playing havoc with you.’ He nodded abruptly at her very pregnant belly.

She’s carrying a baby. He bit down on the expletives spewing across his tongue. Dread was cranking up from deep within. He had an awful feeling about this. A dreadful sensation that his world was rolling sideways and would never be the same again.

Sophie rubbed her lower back while her gaze was fixed on some spot behind him. ‘Yes, the heat’s exhausting, but it’s more that I want to be home before this baby makes her entrance.’ Now both her hands moved onto her belly in a protective gesture, as though she was afraid of, or warding off, something. Or someone.

Him? His reaction? He strove to be calm, barely held onto the question hovering on the tip of his tongue. When he thought it safe to open his mouth he asked, ‘You don’t want a little Aussie?’ Who cared? Avoiding asking what he desperately needed to know and yet was afraid to find out was only stalling, not solving a thing.

‘I’d prefer to be with my friends.’

Friends, not family. Showed how little he knew about her. ‘How far along are you?’ His breath caught in the back of his throat as he waited for her answer. It had been over seven months since the bombing in Bamiyan, since they’d found solace in each other’s bodies. Was the baby his? If it was, why hadn’t she told him about it? But why should she? What would she want from him? Apparently nothing, if it was his. There’d been no contact from her since that night, which in itself was unusual in his experience of women. If the baby wasn’t his, then whose?

Sophie lifted her head, her chin jutting out as she said quietly, firmly, ‘Seven and a half months. She’s yours.’

He reeled back on his heels. Her direct reply knocked the air out of him and had his stomach sucking in on itself. It was one thing to wonder if he was the father; completely different to learn he actually was. Again heat flooded him. ‘I see.’

Huh? I do?

Goosebumps lifted his skin. According to this woman he’d spent barely half a dozen hours with in total he’d made her pregnant. Should he believe her without question? Just accept her word for it without DNA testing? They’d had sex once. Once. What were the odds? How could he trust her to be telling the truth when he knew next to nothing about her?

Sophie was standing tall, her arms now at her sides, her hands fisted, her chin jutting out further, her eyes daring him to challenge her statement.

And just like that he knew she hadn’t lied, wasn’t trying to tie him into anything he didn’t want. The tension left him. Then it was back, gripping him harder, tightening the muscles in his gut, his legs, his arms.

I don’t want to be a father.

Did Sophie want to be a mother? Obviously she did or she’d have terminated the pregnancy, wouldn’t she? She didn’t know he never intended being a parent, or getting into a long-term relationship. That he played the field because he was just like his father, an expert at moving on from woman to woman. Where was the relief? Why wasn’t he falling over backwards in gratitude for her not involving him in this baby’s life? But now she had. There was no avoiding it. ‘We need to talk.’

‘Why?’

‘Don’t play games, Sophie. I’d like to know more about this baby, and how you’re keeping. What I can do for you.’ There. Responsibility kicked in even before he’d thought things through. Thanks to his dad for another lesson he’d learned well. As long as it didn’t backfire on him.

‘That’s easy. Baby and I are healthy, and there’s absolutely nothing I expect from you.’ Despite her determined attitude, a flicker of doubt crossed that intense gaze, and her fists clenched tighter.

Unease rattled him. She did want something. Despite her statement to the contrary, there were things she’d want from him. He’d do the right thing. Stand by her and the baby. But that was the beginning and end of it. He wouldn’t be tied down. Not for the sake of a child. It wouldn’t work. He and Sophie didn’t know anything about each other.

You know the sex can be out of this world.

One great bonk in extenuating circumstances didn’t make a long-lasting relationship. Anyway, it probably wouldn’t be the same again. Want to put that theory to the test? Yeah, he did. But wasn’t going to now.

Another thing against further involvement was that he didn’t do love. Didn’t believe in it. He’d got this far without it. One too many times watching his father’s latest girlfriend pack her bags and leave when he’d been a boy had taught him that getting involved with anyone led to nothing but anguish. It’d hurt every time, watching them walk away after he’d become close and begun to think they might be there as he grew up. Sometimes it had broken him. At first he’d had to learn not to cry, then he’d learned to be stoic, and finally gruff and rude. Love wasn’t anything like it was cracked up to be. Not even the mother of his unborn child was getting a look in. Telling Sophie any of that wasn’t happening, though he still needed to talk to her. ‘What time are you taking a break?’ he snapped, louder than he’d intended.

Sophie stared at him as though searching for something.

He only hoped he could provide whatever it was. All the more reason to go somewhere private before she said anything. ‘Well?’

Looking around the busy room, where heads had lifted at his question, she shrugged, which set his teeth on edge. ‘I can go to lunch any time I like. Despite how it looks I don’t exactly get rushed off my feet. Unless there’s a forced march in the wind,’ she added with a tentative smile.

‘Then you get queues of soldiers with all sorts of maladies that show no symptoms.’ He wanted to smile back but was all out of them right now. ‘Seen it all too often.’ That caution on Sophie’s face was unexpected, given how she’d thrown herself at him in Bamiyan, and again underlined how little he knew her. It also softened his stance the smallest of bits.

Toughen up. Don’t go all soft over this. A baby, huh? A huge responsibility even if he only kept to the outskirts of the child’s life. But...he was going to be a dad.

I am not ready for this. Will never be ready. This changes everything.

He and Sophie were now tied together in some way for ever. He turned for the entrance, his legs tensing, ready to run, hard and fast, as far away as possible, to outrun this crazy situation.

The only thing holding him back was that he’d always taken his responsibilities seriously.

Haven’t been dealt this hand before.

True. It was as terrifying as that bomb in Bamiyan, and the consequences were going to last a lot longer. He had another mark to step up to, one he was not prepared for and had absolutely no idea how to manage.

‘We need somewhere quiet for this discussion.’ Sophie probably had similar concerns. Her sympathetic tone felt like a caress even if the intent of her words was a harsh reminder of what was ahead.

How could she remain so calm? He could hate her for that. No, not fair. She’d had months to prepare for today. And his anger was directed at the shock she’d delivered, not at her personally. But she should’ve told him. Then he’d have been prepared. A shudder rocked him. Really? Would he ever be able to look back at this moment and say it was a good thing to have happened? His hands clenched. Not likely.

‘Is there somewhere we won’t be interrupted?’ Cooper demanded. There were a few personnel on this base he knew and would enjoy catching up with—some other time. His best mate would have to wait too. Right now he wanted this upcoming conversation done and dusted in one sitting, though he somehow doubted it was ever going to finish, that there’d always be things to discuss about their child. Their daughter. Sophie had said, she’s yours. Oh, hell. A wee girl. His throat clogged. His daughter. This would take some getting used to. If he even wanted to, and right now he didn’t. How could a guy whose mother had committed suicide when he was six and a father who’d had an endless stream of women moving through their lives grasp the basics of good parenting?

‘We could go to my quarters.’ Then Sophie hesitated. ‘No, we’ll go off base. There’s a place a couple of kilometres south where I can get a sandwich and you can have whatever you might want.’

An ice-cold beer would go down just fine about now. Sweat was rolling down his back. From the temperature or his turmoil, he wasn’t sure. Probably both. ‘You got a car?’

She nodded. ‘I do.’

‘Let’s go.’ The idea of that beer had his mouth watering, while the idea of talking about the baby and their future wasn’t doing his stomach any favours, instead causing a tightness he couldn’t loosen. So much for a quick visit and maybe a bit of sex. Sometimes life threw curveballs. Big suckers. He needed to learn how to catch them without doing any damage.

* * *

Sophie drove as fast as legally possible. Which said a lot about her state of mind. Lately she’d become ultra-cautious about a lot of things, like she was afraid to create further havoc in her life. But Cooper’s sudden appearance in the medical unit had floored her. Knowing he was turning up had done nothing to prepare her for the sight of this man. None of her memories of that hot body had been exaggerated. No wonder she’d thrown herself at him in Bamiyan. But would she have if the situation hadn’t been so explosive? Ha. She had to ask that when Cooper was involved?

She should’ve told him the moment she’d found out she was pregnant, but what would’ve been the point? She didn’t want him thinking he had to become a part of her life. It wasn’t as though they knew each other or were in love. Getting hitched or involved in any way whatsoever with a man because she was pregnant was not on the agenda. Marriage had never been something she wanted, and pregnancy hadn’t changed her mind. She could support her own child, didn’t need to do someone else’s washing or clean up after him for the rest of her life so that her daughter could see her father every day.

Three days ago when Alistair had told her Cooper was coming he’d given her a chance to prepare what to say, yet her mind had remained blank.

She got on well with the lieutenant colonel, had managed to ignore the fact he was Cooper’s close friend until now. She suspected he’d guessed who the father of her baby was right from the moment she said she’d met Cooper in Bamiyan at the time of the attack. He’d have done the sums. Was that why he looked out for her, made her life as easy as possible? Because of his friend?

The sooner they got to Harry’s Place the sooner she could tell Cooper the little there was to say and then she could get away from his brooding presence. At least he hadn’t erupted when she’d said the baby was his. He’d come close at one point but had managed to haul the brakes on his temper. Told her something about the man, didn’t it? Controlled under fire. But of course she’d seen that before, knew how he reacted when being attacked.

‘I don’t suppose this rust bucket runs to air-conditioning?’ Cooper looked decidedly uncomfortable as he tried to move his large body in the not-so-large car.

‘See that handle? It’s for the window.’

His sigh was filled with frustration, and probably had nothing to do with their mode of transport. ‘I figured.’

Then use it. ‘The tyres are near new, and the motor hums. It’s all I need.’ It wasn’t as though she took it on trips out into the desert or across state.

His head tipped back against the skewed head rest. He seemed to be drawing a deep, calming breath. ‘Whatever possessed you to buy it in the first place? There must’ve been better vehicles available in town,’ he snapped. The deep breathing was apparently a fail.

She ignored the temper and its cause. Plenty of time to talk about their baby once they got to Harry’s Place. ‘It’s a hand-me-down that goes from medical officer to medical officer.’ When his eyebrows rose she explained, liking the safer subject. ‘A couple of years back some guy bought it and when he was shipped out he handed it to the incoming medic, said he wouldn’t get much for it if he sold it and as most medics are never here for long it might as well become a fixture.’

For a moment Cooper was quiet and she hoped that was the end of any conversation. Silence was better than questions she found herself looking for barbs in.