The Secret Child

A perky brunette skated up to the driver‘s side. “What‘ll ya have?”

“Two cheeseburgers, two fries and two root beer floats,” he said, and looked at Marni for approval.

She nodded slowly as realization struck her. The first time Cole had taken her out they‘d gone to the local drive-in restaurant in Elk Falls. Now, in his attempt to re-create their first date, Cole had even duplicated the menu. She couldn‘t believe he remembered. Marni couldn‘t even remember when she‘d last indulged in a root beer float, but she remembered other things, like the time she believed Cole loved her.

The waitress skated away and Marni reached out to him, placing her hand on his arm. When he looked at her, she said, “You were right. I do like it.” The soft expression in his eyes told her he was pleased.

“I wasn‘t sure you‘d remember.” His voice was low and seductive.

Marni removed her hand, uncomfortable with the sudden intimacy. Cole was close, too close, and she had to be careful. She had Jenna to think of, and she couldn‘t afford to lose her heart to Cole again. The price of loving him was simply too high to pay and had cost her dearly already.

Cole watched her retreat inside herself, and frowned. For an instant she‘d let her defenses down, but now the veil covering her emotions fell back into place. He wanted to shout in frustration. The questions that had plagued him for years needed answers, yet he found he was strangely reluctant to learn the truth. What if she had never experienced the same strong emotional pull he had all those years ago? Cole took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. He turned to face her, his arm resting on the seat inches from her hair. The jacket of her peach suit cast a soft hue against her skin. “You still like football?” Cole wanted to shake himself for being such a coward, for not asking what he really wanted to know.

A slow smile lit her face. “Football and classic movies. That‘s me.”

Cole couldn‘t help laughing. “You‘re the only woman I know who understands the offensive patterns of the Chiefs, then cries no matter how many times she sees Old Yeller.”

He enjoyed the sparkle in her eyes. The yellow flecks appeared to shimmer with a blend of humor and indignation. She lifted a delicate brow. “One has nothing to do with the other. Besides, I thought it terribly unjust when they had to shoot the poor dog.”

“If I remember correctly, you even cried during the chariot races in that Heston movie.”

“I did not.” Her voice lacked conviction.

“Still a sucker for animals.” He shook his head. “You‘ll never change, Marni.”

“Oh, I‘ve changed.”

The laughter left her voice, and he wondered what had changed her. Had she met someone after leaving Elk Falls? No matter how painful, Cole had to know the truth. Things should have been so different for them. “Why did you leave Kansas so abruptly?”

“Let‘s not get into this. It was a long time ago. We were a long time ago.” She kept her eyes on the waitresses gliding back and forth, toting trays above their heads.

Cole drew his brows together. “Just answer my question.”

“What does it matter? I left town and you married Elizabeth.”

Cole froze at the coldness in her tone. He didn‘t know what to say, but he had to know the truth. “I only want to know why. I thought we had something special.”

Marni sighed and turned to face him. She noted the stubborn lift of his chin but couldn‘t understand why he didn‘t just drop the subject. The past was behind them. “It‘s not important.”

His tenacious expression was replaced by a brief flash of anger. “I think it‘s damned important.” His voice was hard. “One day we were planning our future together, and the next, you were gone.”

The harshness of his tone surprised her. Marni rested her head against the seat and closed her eyes. “Oh, God.” Maybe, just maybe, she had meant something to Cole. She wanted to weep for the years she‘d been cheated out of sharing his life, of the years Jenna had been cheated. At the time, she‘d thought she was doing the right thing by ending their relationship. Now she wasn‘t so sure. Perhaps they had both suffered needlessly. “I thought you would lose interest in me because I didn‘t fit into your world.” Tears blinded her eyes and choked her voice.

Cole reached across the front seat and gathered her into his arms. “Ah, Marni.”

She slid easily into his embrace and enjoyed the strength of his strong hands massaging her back in a slow, sensual caress. Laying her head against his chest, she drew comfort from the even, steady rhythm of his heart.

He tilted her head back until she was looking into his eyes, and her heartbeat skyrocketed. Slowly he lowered his lips, brushing them gently against hers in a feather-light touch. A dam had broken, destroying every ounce of sanity she possessed. He teased her mouth open and Marni welcomed the sensual invasion. Her senses came alive, spiraling in a wave of heat, and she returned his kiss, not at all shocked at her own eager response to his slow, drugging seduction.

When he pulled away to look at her, the emerald fire of his eyes matched the inferno inside her. Then his mouth slanted over hers and she fully understood the hunger they shared. A need denied to them for too many years.

Cole demanded and Marni responded. He took and she gave. Gave herself up to the passion enveloping them. She clung to Cole as if to a lifeline. Blood pounded in her ears as jolt after jolt of wild sensation rocketed through her.

An eternity later, he pulled his mouth from hers and slid his lips along her cheek, kissing her jaw, nibbling on the lobe of her ear, then moving on to her temple. Sanity slowly returned, and with it the realization of what she was doing–succumbing to a man who would break her heart when he learned the truth. That Carson had paid her off. She pushed against Cole in an attempt to right herself, but he held her tight.

She pulled back and looked into his eyes. Emotion choked her at the tenderness in his gaze.

He brought his hand up and cupped her cheek. “I‘ve missed you, Marni.”

“Don‘t.” She couldn‘t bear the gentleness of his voice, the way he held her in his arms. Pulling out of his embrace, she returned to her side of the car.

“Marni?” Cole‘s soft voice drifted over her. He reached out and caressed her cheek.

Marni closed her eyes to ward off the pain in her chest. “What good will it do? Too much time has passed, Cole.” Her voice was barely above a whisper. She opened her eyes and moved further away from him. She couldn‘t think when he was so near.

Their waitress rolled toward them, a tray laden with their order balanced against her shoulder. Cole paid her after she placed the tray on the driver‘s-side window. The carhop skated away, and Cole stared straight ahead.

Marni took the opportunity to examine him closely. His finely chiseled profile spoke of power and strength; firm and sensual lips set below a straight, aristocratic nose. She thought again of how much he affected her. Deep in thought, his left arm slung over the steering wheel, he chewed absently on the inside of his lower lip–a habit he hadn‘t lost over the years.

“I never heard from you after you broke things off between us. I‘d hoped you‘d change your mind, but then you left town without even so much as a goodbye.” His low voice startled her and Marni had trouble hearing him. She leaned over and snapped off the radio, silence settling over them like a thick fog rolling in off the sea.

“I went a little crazy after you left. No one knew where to find you. It was as if you‘d disappeared off the face of the earth. Almost as if you‘d never existed to begin with.”

Marni chose her words carefully. “I never knew.”

Cole emitted a short bark of laughter. He scrubbed his hand over his face and sighed heavily. “At first I worried, then I got mad. I thought you‘d met someone else and didn‘t have the decency to tell me about it.”

“There was no one.” Marni couldn‘t help the pleading note in her voice. She‘d never have hurt him that way. Never. When she‘d told him she loved him, she‘d meant it.

“Not long afterward I went to a party with some friends and proceeded to get smashed. I was going to track you down and find out what was going on. I don‘t remember a whole lot except the next morning Elizabeth was in bed with me.” Cole shook his head as if to clear away a few remaining cobwebs. “I was sick over what I‘d done at first. To my mind, I‘d cheated on you, but then I figured you dumped me, so what the hell.

“Three weeks later, Elizabeth told me she was pregnant and it was mine. I slept with her, so I took responsibility for my actions. She said she didn‘t want to get an abortion. Claimed she didn‘t believe in them.”

Marni didn‘t understand the derision in his voice but kept silent, not wanting to interrupt him.

“When I told my father I‘d gotten her pregnant, he insisted I do the right thing and marry her. Two months after we married, Elizabeth ‘lost’ the baby.”

Something in Cole‘s eyes told Marni a different story. “You don‘t think she was pregnant?” she asked.

“Sweetheart, I know she wasn‘t pregnant.”

Pain twisted Marni‘s heart. Elizabeth had tricked him into marriage by claiming she was pregnant with his child. The irony of the situation hit her full force. Elizabeth‘s lies were Marni‘s truth. She even had a beautiful twelve-year-old daughter to prove her claim. “How did you know?”

“She told me when we divorced.” Cole took a deep breath. “Elizabeth did get pregnant two years later, but she had an abortion. She did it to get back at me.”

“I don‘t understand.” Marni‘s throat ached with unshed tears. She didn‘t understand how anyone could do such a thing.

“Our marriage was not an easy one. We fought constantly. After she supposedly lost the baby, I slept in the guest room and we rarely talked. I was angry. I blamed Elizabeth because I was so miserable. I admit, I was a real jerk, and I did sleep with her occasionally. The last time I shared her bed, she accused me of not loving her and I couldn‘t deny it. She never forgave me. When she discovered she was pregnant, she got rid of it, then bragged to me about what she‘d done. God, she took so much pleasure in robbing me of my child.”

Marni didn‘t want to feel sorry for him but she couldn‘t help herself. Tears of pain rolled down her cheeks, not only for Cole, but for herself and Jenna and for the child he‘d lost because of his ex-wife‘s vengeance. Cole‘s father and Elizabeth Wakefield had made sure that they‘d all suffered.

Cole smacked the steering wheel. “Dammit, I might not have loved Elizabeth, but I wanted my child. Elizabeth denied me the chance to be a father.”

Marni eyed him cautiously. She‘d seen Cole angry the night she ended their relationship, but his reaction to his ex-wife‘s betrayal frightened her. “What if Elizabeth had had the baby? Would you still have divorced her?”

“I‘m sure we would have divorced eventually. We didn‘t love each other, Marni. We were completely unsuitable. We both wanted different things out of life. Elizabeth‘s idea of family night was an evening of dining and dancing at the country club. For me it would be spending a quiet evening at home with my wife and kids.”

Marni‘s heart twisted painfully and dread climbed up her spine. “But what would you have done about the child?”

“Taken responsibility for it. What else?”

He spoke with such conviction Marni nearly shivered. What was he trying to say? She had to know. “Do you mean financially?” Marni held her breath waiting for Cole to answer.

“No, I would have insisted on having an active role in my son or daughter‘s life. I would have sued for joint custody. Full custody if she hadn‘t really wanted a child.” Cole gripped the steering wheel as he spoke. His dark brows slanted in harsh lines over his eyes. “The point is moot, though. She didn‘t give me a choice.”

Marni found it difficult to swallow and impossible to breathe. Full custody. She knew she could never let Cole know about Jenna. Elizabeth had aborted his baby, but Marni had his child–an adorable, precocious twelve-year-old, and he didn‘t even know about her.

Cole reached across the expanse of the car and caressed her cheek tenderly. “Marni, what‘s wrong? You look scared to death.”

She moved away from him and whispered, “Don‘t,” her voice strained with tension.

“Why? I think–I know–you still care about me.” His brows drew together fiercely, yet there was no anger in his voice. Only a gentleness that pierced her heart.

“It won‘t work.” She didn‘t know how to make him understand. As much as she loved him, even after all this time, she could not allow him back into her life. If she told him about Jenna, he would hold her little secret against her. Even worse, with the power his father wielded, Cole could try to take Jenna away from her. No, telling Cole the truth was out of the question.

“Why?” he asked again, more forcefully.

“Cole, what we had was a long time ago. People change.” But she was lying. She loved him as fiercely now as she had thirteen years ago, and every day of her life she saw a reminder of her love for him. Their daughter.

Cole didn‘t say anything, he just continued to stare at her, then a slow smile touched his lips. “Yes, it has been a long time. Too long.”

Marni had no idea what he was thinking, but she knew Cole wasn‘t about to give up. He‘d never been one to accept defeat, and while the thought of Cole‘s pursuit frightened her, it also gave her a slight surge of female satisfaction. A ridiculous reaction under the circumstances.

* * *

AFTER COLE DROPPED her off at her car, Marni drove straight to the Salvation Army to deliver the clothes in the trunk, then stopped at a luggage shop on Wilshire to pick up a new briefcase. She should have bought a new one months ago. If she had, she wouldn‘t be a jumble of nerves right now.

Her resolve not to tell Cole about Jenna increased. Besides, she reasoned, how would she tell him? She supposed she could give him the letter she‘d sent him when Jenna was born. The letter had been returned–unopened–by Carson, no doubt. But at least he hadn‘t read the contents, so he didn‘t know about Jenna. Nevertheless, she‘d made an attempt to do the right thing, regardless of her deal with his father.

She deposited the new briefcase in the trunk of the car, then drove the few blocks to her office, trying not to think of Cole. Yes, she decided, her life would be much less complicated if she stayed away from Cole Ballinger. Her response to his kisses was far too troubling.

Marni arrived at her office by midafternoon to find a frantic Peg fielding telephone calls. “Where have you been?” her secretary asked in an exasperated tone.

“I had an unexpected lunch date.” A stab of guilt pierced Marni. She should have called to check in.

“Someone tall, dark and handsome?” Peg sounded hopeful, and Marni winced.

“What‘s up?” she asked, determined not to discuss her “lunch date” with her secretary.

“This arrived just before noon.” Peg picked up a bound manuscript, then tossed it back on the desk to emphasize her displeasure.

Marni reached for the document, and her heart sank to her feet. An appellate brief from Kendell‘s attorney. “Have you read it?”

“With a ham sandwich and a Coke.”

What Marni liked most about Peg was her ability to get involved with the cases. Peg knew almost as much as Marni did when it came to the files assigned to them.

She nodded toward her office and Peg followed, grabbing her dictation pad. Marni slipped out of her jacket and hung it on the coatrack in the corner, then adjusted the cuffs of her blouse. Light streamed into the small office through the venetian blinds, and she closed them to help cool the office. The air conditioning in the old county building worked with as much efficiency as an unrestored vintage automobile and was probably just as ancient.

“On what grounds is the defense appealing?” Marni crossed the gray industrial carpeting to her desk. Peg closed the door.

“Judicial error.” Peg‘s outrage was apparent in her pale blue eyes. She adjusted her wire-rimmed glasses over her small, upturned nose, and pushed a lock of nondescript brown hair out of her face.

“Judicial error? Gladstone runs his courtroom by the book.” Marni sat behind the desk in the squeaky leather chair.

“I highlighted the important sections for you,” explained Peg, lowering herself into the chair across from Marni‘s desk. She held her pen over the stenographic pad, ready to take down her employer‘s every word.

Marni took a minute to review the brief, particularly the sections Peg had highlighted. The more she read, the angrier she became. The defense was claiming that Gladstone should never have admitted the testimony of Kendell‘s cell mate, who, they alleged, had been coerced. The brief went on to claim that the witness had been promised a reduction in his sentence if he agreed to testify.

“I can‘t believe this. Who took the witness‘s statement?”

Peg flipped through her notepad and produced the names of two policemen.

“I‘ll need to talk to Dorlan. Does he know about this?”

“Not yet. He‘s out of town until Monday.”

“Damn. Let his secretary know I have to talk to him if he calls in. And try to get hold of the officers,” Marni said. “I want to see them first thing Monday morning.”

Peg jotted notes on her pad. “Sure thing.”

“Better yet, give them my home phone number and have them call me over the weekend if necessary. We‘ve got to prepare a response, and I want to have it filed by Tuesday afternoon.”

“Do you need me to stay late tonight?”

Marni shook her head. “No. I‘ll get as much done this weekend as possible and have it to you by noon Monday. Will that give you enough time?”

Peg nodded. “Don‘t worry, Marni. We‘ll win this round, too.”

The phone rang and Marni jumped on it. “Marni Rodgers. Hold on,” she said tersely, still upset over the appellate brief. Cradling the receiver against her shoulder, she said to Peg, “Order the transcript. I need any argument between counsel regarding the witness and his subsequent testimony.”

Peg stood and adjusted her glasses again. “It‘s taken care of. The court reporter promised we‘d have it before five. Do you want me to take it home and index it?”

Marni appreciated Peg‘s offer but couldn‘t ask her secretary to work on a weekend. Peg had a family of her own to take care of. “I‘ll handle it. Oh, Peg. Call Jenna for me and tell her I‘ll be late, would you?”

Peg nodded, and slipped out of the office after dropping a stack of messages onto Marni‘s desk.

Marni turned her attention back to the telephone. “I‘m sorry. Hello?”

“Do you have plans for dinner?” Cole‘s deep, resonant voice responded.

The room tilted and Marni clasped a hand to her throat. Had he been listening? Oh, God. No!

“I have to work.” Her voice quaked with emotion, but at least the room righted itself again.

“You sound angry.”

“You‘re damn right I‘m angry.” Angry and scared, she thought. Call Jenna for me and tell her I‘ll be late. Please God, she silently prayed.

“Something I said?” His voice was soothing, and Marni‘s pulse slowed a fraction. She wasn‘t angry at him, only at her own carelessness.

“The defense filed a brief on the Kendell case,” she said, trying to concentrate on the conversation.

“Sounds bad.”

“It is.”

“Care to talk about it?”

Marni found herself responding to his gentle coaxing, and before she realized it, she was telling him all about the defendant‘s contentions of coercion of a material witness, explaining that if the appellate court overturned the trial court‘s ruling, Kendell would have to be retried without the testimony of the witness. And if that happened, the prosecution‘s case could be weakened. “What‘s even worse is that the defense knows our strategy. It‘ll be like starting from scratch, and this case was tough enough the first time round.”

Cole leaned back in the soft executive chair of his office overlooking Century City. He smiled as he listened to Marni relate the legal issues involved in the murder trial. When she talked about her work, there were no barriers. “Is it true?” he asked.

“I don‘t know. I have to talk to the officers who took his statement. If they promised him anything, we could be in big trouble.”

A light tapping sound drifted over the phone lines. He pictured her drumming the tip of her pen on the desk, deep in concentration as she planned her counterattack. “Could Kendell be freed?”

“Not unless a new trial proves him innocent.”

“But if the press paints a picture of impropriety on the D.A.‘s part–”

“Exactly,” she said. “I‘ll be fighting an uphill battle. April Burnell will tear the state to shreds, and who knows how many other members of the press will join ranks with her.”

He didn‘t miss the despair in her voice and wished he could do something to help her. “How important is this witness?”

“Very,” she stated emphatically. “He testified that Kendell told him in intimate detail how he murdered those girls.”

Cole stood and looked out the twentieth-story window at the heavy traffic below the elegant offices of Ballinger Electronics as Marni finished her account of the importance of the witness testimony. “I wish I could help,” he told her.

“Me, too.” Her voice softened.

Cole smiled into the phone. He was reluctant to let her get away from him again. Grasping for something to say to keep her talking, he asked, “Who‘s Jenna?”

CHAPTER THREE

M ARNI COULD FEEL the blood drain from her face at his question. Her stomach churned from shock. “Who?” she managed to choke out, surprised she could utter the simple word.

“Jenna.”

She swallowed with difficulty. “Who?” Cole probably thought he was talking to an owl. An unintelligent owl.

“You asked Peg to tell her you‘d be late. Is she a friend of yours?”

Marni tried to ignore the humming in her ears and stirred uneasily in her chair. “Oh, yes, yes. We did have plans for dinner, but well, you know.” She closed her eyes and prayed. Prayed he‘d accept her feeble explanation and drop this line of questioning.

“Marni, are you all right?” The concern in his tone only increased her wariness.

“Fine,” she said with forced brightness. Her hands shook uncontrollably. “I‘m just thinking about all the work I have to do.”

“Hmmm. So I guess you‘ll be working through the weekend now.” He spoke tentatively, as if he hoped she might be free, after all.

“Yes, I will. I really have to go.” Marni tried to lower her tone an octave. She took a deep breath and willed her hands to stop shaking. The limbs refused to cooperate.

“I‘ll call you next week, then.”

“Sure. Bye, Cole.” He‘d sounded disappointed, but she practically flung the receiver back onto the cradle before he could ask her anything else about Jenna.

Marni leaned back in the worn burgundy chair and stared at the phone, concentrating on resuming a normal breathing pattern. What was she going to do? He couldn‘t keep calling her or following her to the courthouse! Marni glanced at the framed school photo of Jenna on her desk. If he came to her office and saw the photo...Marni refused to think about it. She couldn‘t or she‘d go crazy.

The door to her office opened and Rebecca Parks stepped in. “I was in the neighborhood and thought I‘d stop by.”

“Really? Come to get a copy of the warrant?” Marni didn‘t believe her friend for a minute. She‘d come here for one reason, and it had nothing to do with law. Rebecca wanted to know about Cole.

She smiled sheepishly. “Obvious, huh?”

“Uh-huh.” Marni nodded, still shaken by her near disaster with Cole.

Rebecca lowered herself into the chair across from Marni‘s desk. “Can you blame me for being curious? Who is he?” Her blue eyes sparkled with anticipation.