Алиса в Стране чудес / Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. Алиса в Зазеркалье / Through the Looking-glass, and What Alice Found There

“Well, I would like[81] to be a LITTLE larger, sir,” said Alice: “three inches is not the best height.”

“It is a very good height!” said the Caterpillar angrily (it was exactly three inches high).

“But it’s not usual for me!” answered poor Alice. And she thought to herself, “The creatures here are so easily offended![82]”

“You’ll get used to it in time,” said the Caterpillar; and it put the hookah into its mouth and began smoking again.

This time Alice waited patiently until it spoke again. In a minute or two the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth and yawned once or twice. Then it got down off the mushroom and crawled away in the grass, telling Alice, “One side will help you grow taller, and the other side will help you grow shorter.”

“One side of WHAT? The other side of WHAT?” thought Alice to herself.

“Of the mushroom,” said the Caterpillar, just as if she had asked it aloud;[83] and in another moment it was out of sight.

Alice looked at the mushroom thoughtfully for a minute and at last she put her arms around it as far as she could and broke off a piece of the mushroom with each hand. Then she very carefully started nibbling first at one piece and then at the other, and growing sometimes taller and sometimes shorter, until she was her usual height again.[84]

“Now I’m back to my right size: the next thing is to get into that beautiful garden – how can I do that, I wonder?” As she said this, she suddenly came to a little house about four feet high. “It’s not a good idea to come to those who live here THIS size – they will be very frightened!” So she started nibbling at the piece of the mushroom in her right hand again and soon she was only nine inches high.

Chapter 6. Pig and Pepper

For a minute or two Alice stood looking at the house, and thinking what to do next, when suddenly a footman in livery ran out of the wood (actually it was a fish in livery) and knocked loudly at the door. The door was opened by another footman[85] in livery, with large eyes like a frog’s;[86] and both footmen, Alice noticed, had curled powdered hair. She felt very curious, and walked a little out of the wood to listen.[87]

The Fish-Footman took a great letter from under his arm and gave it to the other footman, saying, in a solemn tone, “For the Duchess. An invitation from the Queen to play croquet.” The Frog-Footman repeated, in the same solemn tone, “From the Queen. An invitation for the Duchess to play croquet.”

Then they both bowed low, and their curls got entangled together.[88]

Alice laughed so much at this that she had to[89] run back into the wood because the creatures could hear her. When she looked out of the wood again she saw only the Frog-footman sitting on the ground near the door.

Alice went shyly up to the door and knocked.

“There’s no use in knocking,[90]” said the Footman, “for two reasons. Firstly, because I’m on the same side of the door as you are; secondly, because they’re making such a noise inside, no one could hear you.” And really there was a great noise in the house.

“Please,” said Alice, “how can I get in?”

“I shall sit here,” the Footman said, “till tomorrow – ”

At this moment the door of the house opened, and a large plate came flying out and broke to pieces against one of the trees behind the Footman.

“ – or next day, maybe,” the Footman continued in the same tone.

“But what am I to do?[91]” said Alice.

“Anything you like,[92]” replied the Footman, and began whistling.

“Oh, there’s no use in talking to him!” said Alice, opened the door and went in.

Behind the door was a large kitchen full of smoke. The Duchess was sitting on a stool in the middle, nursing a baby; the cook was cooking soup.

“There’s too much pepper in that soup!” Alice remarked to herself sneezing.

There was too much pepper in the air too. Even the Duchess sneezed sometimes; and the baby was sneezing and crying all the time. The only things in the kitchen that did not sneeze[93] were the cook and a large cat which was grinning widely.[94]

“Please could you tell me,” said Alice, a little modestly, “why your cat grins like that?”

“It’s a Cheshire cat,” said the Duchess, “and that’s why.[95] Pig!”

Alice saw that the Duchess addressed the baby and not her so she decided to continue:

“I didn’t know that Cheshire cats always grinned; in fact, I didn’t know that cats COULD grin.”

“They all can,” remarked the Duchess; “and most of them do.”

“Hey! You may nurse it a bit,[96] if you like!” the Duchess said to Alice, throwing the baby to her. “I must go and get ready to play croquet with the Queen,” and she hurried out of the room.

Alice caught the baby with some difficulty. And it took her some time to start nursing it because it was wriggling and grunting all the time.[97] As soon as she could keep it tight in her hands[98] she took it out into the open air.

Alice was just beginning to think to herself, “Now, what will I do with this creature when I get it home?” when it grunted again, so loudly, that she looked down into its face in some alarm. There could be NO mistake about it:[99] it was a pig, and she felt quite absurd to keep it in her hands.

So she put the little creature down and it trotted away into the wood. Suddenly she saw the Cheshire cat sitting in a tree. The Cat only grinned when it saw Alice.

“Cheshire Puss,” she began shyly. The Cat only grinned a little wider. “Could you please tell me which way to go from here?”

“It depends on[100] where you want to get to,” said the Cat.

“It’s not so important for me where – ” said Alice.

“Then it doesn’t matter[101] which way you go,” said the Cat.

“ – until I get SOMEWHERE,” Alice added as an explanation.

“Oh, you’ll surely do that,” said the Cat, “if you walk long enough.[102]”

“And what people live about here?” asked Alice.

“In THAT direction,” the Cat said, waving its right paw, “lives a Hatter: and in THAT direction,” waving the other paw, “lives a March Hare. Visit the one that you like: they’re both mad.”

“But I don’t want to go to mad people,” Alice answered.

“Oh,” said the Cat: “but we’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.”

“How do you know I’m mad?” inquired Alice.

“You must be,” said the Cat, “or you wouldn’t be here.[103] Do you play croquet with the Queen to-day?”

“I would like it very much,” said Alice, “but I haven’t been invited yet.[104]”

“You’ll see me there,” said the Cat, and vanished.

Suddenly it appeared again.

“By-the-way, what became of the baby?” wondered the Cat. “I forgot to ask.”

“It turned into a pig,” Alice quietly said.

“I thought so,” said the Cat, and vanished again.

Alice waited a little but it did not appear, so she walked in the direction of the March Hare’s house. “I’ve seen hatters before,” she said to herself; “the March Hare will be much more interesting, and perhaps as this is May it won’t be absolutely mad – at least not as mad as it was in March.” As she said this, she looked up, and there was the Cat again, sitting on a tree.

“Did you say pig, or fig?” asked the Cat.

“I said pig,” replied Alice; “and could you please stop appearing and vanishing so suddenly?”

“All right,” answered the Cat; and this time it vanished slowly, beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the grin, which remained in the tree for some time.

“Well! I’ve often seen a cat without a grin,” thought Alice; “but a grin without a cat! It’s the most curious thing I ever saw in my life!”

And she walked to the March Hare’s house. She saw it quite soon: the chimneys looked like ears and the roof was covered with fur.

Chapter 7. A Mad Tea-Party

There was a table under a tree in front of the house, and the March Hare and the Hatter were having tea at it: a Dormouse[105] was sitting between them, fast asleep.[106]

The table was large, but the three[107] were all together at one corner of it: “No room![108] No room!” they cried out when they saw Alice. “There’s a LOT of room!” said Alice indignantly, and she sat down in a large arm-chair at one end of the table.

“Have some wine,” the March Hare said in an encouraging tone.

Alice looked all round the table, but there was nothing on it except tea. “I don’t see any wine,” she remarked.

“There isn’t any,” said the March Hare.

“Then it wasn’t very polite of you[109] to offer it,” said Alice angrily.

“It wasn’t very polite of you to sit down without invitation,” said the March Hare.

“I didn’t know it was YOUR table,” said Alice; “it’s laid[110] for much more than three.”

The party sat silent for a minute. The Hatter spoke first. “What day of the month is it?” he said, turning to Alice: he had taken his watch out of his pocket, and was looking at it, shaking it, and holding it to his ear.

Alice thought a little, and then said “The fourth.”

“Two days wrong![111]” noted the Hatter. “I told you butter couldn’t help!” he added looking angrily at the March Hare.

“It was the BEST butter,” the March Hare replied. He took the watch and looked at it unhappily: then he put it into his cup of tea, and looked at it again: but he could only repeat, “It was the BEST butter.”

“What a funny watch!” Alice remarked. “It tells the day of the month, and doesn’t tell the time!”

“Why should it?[112]“inquired the Hatter. “Does YOUR watch tell you what year it is?”

“Of course not,” Alice replied readily: “but that’s because it stays the same year for a long time.”

“So does MINE,[113]” said the Hatter.

“I don’t quite understand you,” Alice said, as politely as she could.

“Well, you know, we quarreled with Time last March – just before HE went mad – ” (pointing at the March Hare,) “ – it was at the great concert given by the Queen of Hearts where I had to sing.[114] I hadn’t finished the first part of the song when the Queen shouted: “He’s murdering the time! Off with his head![115]”

“Oh, how cruel!” exclaimed Alice.

“And since that,” the Hatter went on sadly, “it’s always six o’clock now.”

A bright idea came into Alice’s head. “Is that why so many tea-things are here?” she asked.

“Yes, that’s it,” said the Hatter with a sigh: “it’s always tea-time, and we’ve no time to wash the things.”

“Then you move round all the time, I suppose?” said Alice.

“Exactly so,” said the Hatter.

“But what happens when you come to the beginning again?” Alice decided to ask.

“Let’s change the subject,” the March Hare yawned. “I think the lady will tell us a story.”

“I’m afraid I don’t know any,” said Alice.

“Then take some more tea,” the March Hare told Alice very seriously.

“I’ve had no tea yet,[116]” Alice replied in an offended tone, “so I can’t take more.”

“You mean you can’t take LESS,” said the Hatter: “it’s very easy to take MORE than nothing.”

Alice helped herself to some tea and bread-and-butter.[117]

“I want a clean cup,” suddenly said the Hatter: “let’s all move one place on.[118]”

He moved on, and the Dormouse moved on too: the March Hare moved into the Dormouse’s place, and Alice unwillingly took the place of the March Hare. But only the Hatter had a clean cup. Alice got the plate and the cup after the March Hare.

She didn’t like it at all, so she stood up, and walked away; the Dormouse fell asleep, and nobody called her back. When she turned to look at them she saw that they were trying to put the Dormouse into the teapot.

“I’ll never go THERE again!” said Alice as she was walking through the wood. “It’s the stupidest tea-party I ever was at in all my life!”

Just as she said this, she noticed that one of the trees had a door in it. “That’s very curious!” she thought. “But everything’s curious today. I think I will go in at once.” And she went in.

Once more she was in the long hall, and near the little glass table. “I’ll do better this time,” she said to herself, and first took the little golden key and unlocked the door into the garden. Then she nibbled at the mushroom a few times (a piece of it was in her pocket) till she was about a foot high: then she walked down the little corridor behind the door: and THEN – at last she was in the beautiful garden, among the bright flower-beds and the cool fountains.

Chapter 8. The Queen’s Croquet-Ground

A large rose-tree stood near the entrance of the garden: the roses were white, but there were three gardeners painting them red. Alice thought this was very curious, and she went nearer to watch them. They were quarrelling. Suddenly one of the gardeners noticed Alice who was standing and watching them. The others saw her too and all of them bowed low.

“Would you tell me,[119]” said Alice, a little timidly, “why you are painting those roses?”

One of the gardeners whose name was Two[120] explained: “It must be a RED rose-tree but we planted a white rose-tree by mistake. If the Queen knows about it we will all have our heads cut off.[121] So we are doing what we can before she comes…” At this moment the gardener whose name was Five cried: “The Queen! The Queen!” and the three gardeners fell down onto the ground. Alice heard the sound of many footsteps and looked round to see the Queen.

First came ten soldiers who looked like the three gardeners, with their hands and feet at the corners; next were the ten courtiers ornamented with diamonds. Then came ten royal children; they were all ornamented with hearts. Next came the guests, mostly Kings and Queens, and among them Alice recognised the White Rabbit: it didn’t notice her. Then followed the Knave of Hearts,[122] carrying the King’s crown on a cushion; and last came THE KING AND QUEEN OF HEARTS.

Alice stood still and waited. When the procession came near her, they all stopped and looked at her.

“What’s your name, child?” the Queen asked turning to Alice.

“My name is Alice, your Majesty,” said Alice very politely. And she added to herself, “They’re only a pack of cards. It’s stupid to be afraid of them!”

“And who are THESE?” said the Queen, pointing at the three gardeners lying round the rose-tree.

“How can I know?” said Alice, surprised at her own courage. “It’s no business of MINE.[123]”

The Queen became red with anger and screamed “Off with her head! Off – ”

“Nonsense!” said Alice, very loudly and decidedly, and the Queen was silent.

The King put his hand upon her arm, and timidly said “My dear, she is only a child!”

“Can you play croquet?[124]” the Queen shouted her question after a pause.

The soldiers were silent, and looked at Alice, as the question was for her.

“Yes!” Alice shouted back.

“Come on, then!” shouted the Queen, and Alice joined the procession.

“It’s – it’s a very fine day!” said a timid voice near her. She was walking near the White Rabbit, who was looking anxiously into her face.

“Very,” said Alice: “ – where’s the Duchess?”

“Hush! Hush![125]” said the Rabbit in a low tone. He looked anxiously around and whispered into Alice’s ear “She will be executed.[126]”

“What for?” said Alice.

“Did you say “What a pity!”?” the Rabbit asked.

“No, I didn’t,” said Alice: “I don’t think it’s a pity. I said “What for?””

“She boxed the Queen’s ears[127] – ” the Rabbit began. Alice laughed. “Oh, hush!” the Rabbit whispered in a frightened tone. “The Queen will hear you! You see, she came late, and the Queen said – ”

“Get to your places!” shouted the Queen very loudly and the game began. Alice had never seen such a curious croquet-ground in her life: the balls were live hedgehogs, the mallets live flamingoes and the arches were made of soldiers.

The main difficulty for Alice was to[128] use her flamingo: when she was going to hit the hedgehog with its head, it looked up in her face with such a puzzled expression that she began laughing; when she was ready to begin again the hedgehog was crawling away. So Alice soon came to the conclusion that it was really a very difficult game.

The players all played at once without waiting for each other, quarrelling all the time, and fighting for the hedgehogs; very soon the Queen became furious and shouted “Off with his head!” or “Off with her head!” every minute.

Alice began thinking how to get away. Suddenly she noticed something curious in the air. Soon she understood it was a grin of the Cheshire Cat.

“How are you getting on?[129]” said the Cat as soon as his mouth appeared.

Alice waited till the whole head appeared, put down her flamingo, and began to tell the Cat about the game. The Cat probably thought a head was enough, so no more of him appeared.[130]

“How do you like the Queen?” said the Cat in a low voice.

“Not at all,” said Alice: “she’s so – ” Just then she noticed that the Queen was behind her, listening: so she went on, “ – likely to win,[131] that it’s not interesting to finish the game.”

The Queen smiled and moved on.

“Who ARE you talking to?” said the King, coming up to Alice, and looking at the Cat’s head with great curiosity.

“It’s a friend of mine[132] – a Cheshire Cat,” said Alice: “allow me to introduce it.”

“I don’t like the look of it,” said the King: “however, it may kiss my hand if it likes.”

“I don’t,” the Cat remarked.

“Don’t be rude,” said the King, “and don’t look at me like that!” He stood behind Alice as he spoke.

“A cat may look at a king,[133]” said Alice. “I’ve read that in some book, but I don’t remember where.”

“Well, it must be removed,[134]” said the King very decidedly and called the Queen.

The Queen knew only one way. “Off with his head!” she said, without even looking.

“I’ll bring the executioner myself,” said the King, and hurried away.

Alice decided to go back and watch the game. When she caught her flamingo there were no hedgehogs or arches around. So she went back to talk with her friend a little more.

When she got back to the Cheshire Cat, she was surprised to see a large crowd around him.

Alice could only say “He belongs to the Duchess: ask HER about him.”

“She’s in prison,” the Queen said to the executioner: “bring her here.” And the executioner went off.

At that moment the Cat’s head began fading away[135] and when the executioner was back with the Duchess, it had disappeared completely.

So the King and the executioner began looking for it while all the others went back to the game.

Chapter 9. The Mock Turtle’s Story

“You can’t imagine how glad I am to see you again, my dear!” said the Duchess when she and Alice walked off together.

Alice was very glad to see her so pleasant, and she thought to herself that perhaps only the pepper had made her so angry when they met in the kitchen.

“When I’M a Duchess,[136]” she said to herself, (but not in a very hopeful tone), “I won’t have any pepper in my kitchen AT ALL. Soup is good without it.”

She quite forgot about the Duchess, and was a little frightened when she heard her voice close to her ear. “You’re thinking about something, my dear, and you forget to talk.”

Alice did not like very much to be so close to the Duchess: first, because the Duchess was VERY ugly; and secondly, because she put her chin on Alice’s shoulder, and it was an uncomfortably sharp chin. However, she did not like to be rude, so she didn’t say anything.

“Are you wondering why I don’t put my arm round your waist,” the Duchess said after a pause: “the reason is, I’m afraid of your flamingo.”

“HE can bite,” Alice replied.

“Very true,” said the Duchess: “flamingoes and mustard both bite. And the moral of that is – ‘Birds of a feather flock together.[137]’”

“But mustard isn’t a bird,” Alice remarked.

“Right, as usual,” said the Duchess.

“It’s a mineral, I THINK,” said Alice.

“Of course it is,” said the Duchess, who agreed to everything that Alice said; “there’s a large mustard-mine near here. And the moral of that is – ”

“Oh, I know!” exclaimed Alice, who wasn’t listening, “it’s a vegetable. It doesn’t look like a vegetable, but it is.”

“I quite agree with you,” said the Duchess; “and the moral of that is – ”

But here, to Alice’s great surprise, the Duchess suddenly stopped talking and her arm began to tremble. Alice looked up and saw the Queen who was standing in front of them and frowning like a thunderstorm.

“A fine day, your Majesty!” the Duchess began in a low, weak voice.

“Now, you may choose,” shouted the Queen; “either you or your head must be off,[138] and immediately! Take your choice!”

The Duchess took her choice, and in a moment she was gone.[139]

“Let’s go on with the game,” the Queen said to Alice; Alice was too frightened to say a word, so she slowly followed her back to the croquet-ground.

Without the Queen the other guests were having a rest: however, when they saw her, they hurried back to the game, because the delay could cost them their lives.

The game continued but as the Queen often shouted her favourite: “Off with his head!” or “Off with her head!” very soon all the players, except the King, the Queen, and Alice, were under arrest.

Then the Queen said to Alice, “Have you seen the Mock Turtle[140] yet?”

“No,” said Alice. “I don’t even know what a Mock Turtle is.”

“It’s the thing what Mock Turtle Soup[141] is made from,” said the Queen.

“I never saw one, or heard of one,” said Alice.

“Come on, then,” said the Queen, “and he will tell you his history,”

As they walked off together, Alice heard the King say in a low voice, to the company, “You are all pardoned.[142]” “THAT’S a good thing!” she said to herself.

Very soon they came to a Gryphon.[143] “Take this young lady to see the Mock Turtle, and to hear his history. I must go back,” the Queen said and Alice was left alone with the Gryphon. She did not quite like the look of the creature, so she waited.

The Gryphon watched the Queen and when she was out of sight it chuckled. “What fun!” said the Gryphon.

“What IS the fun?” said Alice.

“Well, SHE,” said the Gryphon. “they never execute anybody, you know. Come on!”

When they saw the Mock Turtle in the distance, he was sitting sad and lonely and, as they came nearer, Alice heard that he was sighing as if his heart would break.[144] She pitied him deeply. “What is his sorrow?” she asked the Gryphon, and the Gryphon answered, “Well, he hasn’t got any sorrow, you know. Come on!”

So they went up to the Mock Turtle, who looked at them with large eyes full of tears, but said nothing.

“This young lady,” said the Gryphon, “wants to know your history.”

“I’ll tell it to her,” said the Mock Turtle: “sit down, both of you, and don’t speak a word till I’ve finished.” So they sat down, and nobody spoke for some minutes. Alice thought to herself, “I don’t see how he can EVEN finish, if he doesn’t begin.” But she waited patiently.

“Once,” said the Mock Turtle at last, with a deep sigh, “I was a real Turtle.”

“When we were little,” the Mock Turtle went on after a very long pause, “we went to school in the sea. We had the best teachers – in fact, we went to school every day – ”

“I’VE been to a day-school, too,” said Alice. “We learned French and music as extras.[145]”

“And washing?” asked the Mock Turtle.

“Certainly not!” said Alice indignantly.