Passport to Happiness

I’ve absolutely no clue who he’s on about but I’m certain it’s not me. I think I’d know if I had a very French and sexy sounding boyfriend. Trying to hide my disappointment at the prospect that he is either overtly feminine in his ways or – perhaps more likely given the way he is now pouting at me – gay, I politely shake my head.

‘No, I’m afraid you’re mistaken. I’m Everly Carter, I’m here alone.’ I make a move to pick up the menu and am taken aback when he breaks into yet another gleaming smile.

‘Oh, your accent is so very English!’ He places one hand on his chest in what appears to be delighted surprise. ‘You’re here alone – for work then, I assume?’

I’m beginning to wonder if I’m here for lunch or the Spanish inquisition, as he’s making no attempt to even acknowledge any food order. Yet, his energy is so infectious that I’m more than happy to entertain him.

‘Well, a holiday actually – I’m a schoolteacher. It’s my first time here in Zurich.’

‘First times are always the most exciting.’ He winks at me with a cheeky grin and finally points to the menu. ‘OK, I’ll give you a few moments to have a look and I’ll come back to take your order.’

He practically dances away, and I marvel at how upbeat everybody seems here so far. Since the minute I stepped off the plane, there hasn’t been a miserable or harassed looking person cross my path which I know is purely coincidental but it’s a far cry from what I’m used to lately. Especially since the news last month that my school failed its bi-annual inspection, with my department picking up flack.

I glance over my shoulder and notice the other diners must have already left during my exchange with Frederick and I’m now totally alone in the high-ceilinged dining room. Quickly scanning the menu, I opt for the enticing combination of Emmental cheese and stewed pear on fruit bread and wait for Frederick to reappear. As if by magic, he’s back beside me within seconds and as I relay my choice, he raises an eyebrow, seemingly impressed.

‘So what do you have planned for today?’ He seems rather disappointed when I stare at him blankly. ‘Zurich is a beautiful city that you should be out enjoying! It’s a beautiful day to take a cruise down the Limmat river and see views of the old town and city.’ He lowers his voice to a whisper. ‘Don’t sit in here too long. There’s so much else to see.’

River cruise. Now there’s a good suggestion. ‘That sounds good – I’ll look into it and I might do a little shopping too.’ At the mention of shopping, his face lights up and I finally get my confirmation that my suspicion is correct.

‘Oh, there’s no end to the fabulous shops here – especially on Bahnhofstrasse. My partner, Enriquo, works as an assistant at Cartier if you’re passing and thinking of buying anything.’

I stifle a snigger as I realise he’s very serious. I’d love to tell him that of course I’m going to be popping into Cartier for some new jewellery – I’m just waiting for my helicopter to arrive to collect me from lunch first. Still, at least I must look like I’m capable of buying nice things, even if the price of what is essentially a cheese and fruit sandwich has just given me a rude awakening. The problem is, once upon a time Jay would have treated me to such luxuries and our combined income meant I could often splurge on niceties. Now, what with living alone, my teaching salary just isn’t extendable to many luxuries. And I know life isn’t about handbags and watches, but I can’t help feeling like I’m missing out. I’m not living life to the max – I’m financially scraping by and that would be OK if I was enjoying it. But I realise with a jolt that the past hour and quarter since I landed in Zurich has been the most unscheduled excitement I’ve had in ages. And I want more of it.

‘I’ll make sure to keep an eye out for Enriquo as I’m passing,’ I say, knowing full well that there’s no chance I’ll be stepping inside the plush doors of Cartier anytime soon, unless my lottery numbers come up.

Frederick seems satisfied and nods, his dark lashes fluttering as he appears to consider an idea. Gosh, why does he have to be gay and taken? It’s not like I’d have been able to start a full-blown relationship with him what with me living in Essex and knowing precisely five words of high German, three of which are numbers. But as far as a little holiday fling goes … he would have been perfect. He goes to walk away and then stops and turns.

‘I’m going to Lugano tomorrow – it’s my day off. I’m visiting family there. It’s a place every tourist should see. You should check it out too.’

He’s looking at me keenly and despite having absolutely no idea where Lugano even is or whether Fred is a nutcase that could be planning to kidnap me and keep me as a sex slave, I nod my head in agreement.

‘Well, that would be fantastic if you don’t mind? Sure, I’d really like that.’

‘Huh?’ He looks at me blankly, before biting down on his bottom lip and pulling an awkward face. ‘Ooh, I see you … you thought…’ He lets the sentence linger and I feel my face flood with colour, a sickly feeling in the pit of my stomach. I burn with embarrassment as realisation hits. He totally wasn’t inviting me, was he? He was simply saying I should check it out.

His face creases into a warm smile and he claps his hands together. ‘But of course, you must come. It’ll be nice to have some company on the train.’

I know his overzealousness is purely to make me feel better for my humiliating misunderstanding and I can’t help but be grateful, even if I am still dying a little inside. ‘I can always check it out another day…’ I offer up lightly, tailing off.

‘No, it’s settled. I’ll meet you outside the hotel at ten in the morning. And I don’t usually do this, you know. Mixing with the hotel clients, I mean.’ I notice how uncomfortable his expression suddenly is. ‘But, anyway. you seem a little…’ He pauses and looks at me awkwardly. ‘Well, you seem a little lonely. And I hope you don’t mind me saying that but don’t worry – we will have you smiling in no time. Leave it to me.’

My cheeks burn, and I feel the tears instantly building behind my eyes. Mortified, I manage a wobbly nod as he squeezes my shoulder. God, what was I thinking inviting myself along to his day out! He clearly pities me. Miss Everly-no-mates.

‘OK, back to work for me.’

With a weak smile I watch him disappear and am left wondering why the idea of being told I look lonely hurts so much. I know it’s mostly likely because I am lonely. He’s hit the nail on the head. But to invite myself along? Isn’t that more desperate than lonely…

Sighing, I stare at my reflection in the shiny surface of the knife on the table beneath me and it makes wonder where the hell my knight in shining armour has gotten to. I realised shortly after Jay shacked up with Sarah that there must be another man out there meant for me … but shouldn’t he have been here by now? I can only assume he must be lost on his way somewhere. Knowing my luck, he probably broke down before he even started out. Still, I make a promise to myself that they’ll be no more tears on this holiday. Yes, less self-pity and more shopping, thank you very much.

The food arrives, and I tuck into the scrumptious concoction. Fred, as he tells me to call him, returns to clear my now empty plate and places in front of me a hand-drawn map of nearby points of interest. I thank him again as I sign the bill and reconfirm the arrangement for tomorrow’s outing, silently musing that the men I seem to come across of late in the UK aren’t even half as considerate. Making my way back to my room, I grab my bag and a cardigan before heading back out of the hotel onto the backstreets of Zurich.

It’s buzzing around me as I weave between throngs of locals and tourists alike, passing designer shop after shop with window displays that make me squeal inwardly with longing and blanch outwardly at the hefty price tags. I come to the very quick conclusion that everyone living here must be extremely wealthy. I dread to think of the living costs. By the time I reach a pedestrian and road bridge crossing the river, I feel as if I’ve been transported into a serene reality. The sunshine reflects off the shimmering, gently rippling water that flows beneath me, as buildings both colourful and stone-walled, medieval and modern, line the riverbank as far as my eye can see. I stand with my elbows resting on the bridge ledge, gazing out across the water as the heat of the sun prickles against my skin.

‘So beautiful.’ I muse at how such a short flight can bring me to a place so very different to that which I’d imagined. It’s so refined and steeped in history, yet magnificently chic at the same time. I’m already in awe of the vibe of the city – from the tram that runs through the main roads, to the cleanliness, to the lack of high-rise buildings, to the swarms of well-heeled people that flit around me. It feels much less rushed than the fast pace of London that I’m used to and more efficient.

‘It is.’

Startled, I turn with a confused expression to come face to face with a man standing beside me. His tailored navy pinstripe suit and pink tie immediately make me think ‘banking.’ He has an air about him very similar to Jay and I shiver involuntarily.

‘I’m sorry, are you talking to me?’ Bewildered, I quickly scan behind me wondering if I’m mistaken but he grins and holds my confused stare. His dark, almost black eyes twinkle at me.

‘Yes, you said it’s so beautiful and I’m agreeing.’ He gestures to the view and turns, facing the water, his tall, muscular frame leaning itself against the bridge. ‘I come here sometimes after meetings.’

I take in his cropped black hair and dark olive skin. He doesn’t scream typical ‘Swiss’ to me. ‘Are you from here then?’ I ask before I can stop myself, suddenly self-conscious of my appearance. It hits me that he’s rather handsome with his square stubbled jawline and long dark eyelashes. He has large, masculine hands that I can’t help but admire and as he turns to me with a puzzled expression, oozing a charm and rawness I know he isn’t aware of, I feel my face flush. Damn. This is the type of man I usually avoid like the plague. The dangerous type that’ll have my knickers off in a flash, never to be seen again.

‘No, I grew up in Morocco. My mother is Spanish, my father’s from Tangier. But I live in a nearby canton, Zug and work for an investment company.’

Interesting. His ancestry explains his dark features. And I was almost on point with the job role.

‘And you? You’re here on vacation?’ His grin is subtle but the twinkle in his eye tells me all I need to know. He’s got me sussed out.

‘Yes, I’ve just arrived. Just a week’s holiday.’ I point across the water to where the river cruises are visible in the distance. ‘That’s where I’m headed now.’

‘Good choice. You’ll enjoy it. I’m Emir by the way.’ He holds out his hand to me and I notice the way his pink shirt strains across his taut chest with the gesture.

‘Everly,’ I reply, shaking it. ‘Any other tips on places I should check out?’ I’m feeling brazen and the fact he’s reached into his trouser pocket for a cigarette, assures me that he isn’t desperate to get away from me. Always a good sign. I watch as he lights up and inhales deeply, his face pensive.

‘How about dinner with me one night? I can show you around Zug. It’s pretty and there’s a great Italian that serves truffle pasta?’

Just the thought of pasta has my mouth watering and it’s not like I’m going to turn down a suave, handsome man offering to take me out. I shrug flippantly. ‘Yes, why not? Sounds nice.’

‘Where are you staying? I’ll come and collect you after I finish work tomorrow.’

‘I’m at the Hotel Montana.’ I point in an easterly direction. ‘But I’m not free tomorrow – I already have a day trip planned.’ It doesn’t escape me that this startling situation of offers from two men in barely one afternoon is frankly, unheard of. Even if the Fred situation was mainly of my doing. Still, I usually go months without a whiff of interest but here I am; it’s nothing short of a miracle and my stomach does an excited flip.

‘No problem. Let’s do the following night. I think I know where your hotel is but if not, I’ll find it. So, I’ll collect you from there at six?’

I grin, unable to hide my happiness as I realise that my first few hours on this trip have already gained me more impromptu adventure than I’ve had in the last month. ‘Perfect.’

He dots out his cigarette. ‘I need to get back to work. Enjoy your river cruise, Everly. Pretty name by the way.’

‘Thanks. See you on Thursday.’ I brush a stand of hair away from my mouth and watch as he re-adjusts his blazer.

‘Adieu.’ And with a cheeky smile, he walks away with a swagger.

I turn back towards the river and sigh contently. Fine, he’s not marriage material – his charming, suave demeanour has told me everything it needed to – and I know I’d sworn off men – especially after Florian – but this is a holiday and soon my reality will be creeping back upon me. So why not make the most of it?

I re-adjust my bag and put on my sunglasses. I’m determined to make this trip the start of something new – a new me that is open to saying yes to adventure and finding ways to shift the doldrums. And it seems that the universe is already giving me a helping hand.

Chapter 3

My toes are burning by the time I finally make it back to my hotel room. I can barely walk with the pain and as I put my key in the door, I’m relieved to see that my room looks just as cosy and comfortable by night, as it did by day. The cruise was amazing. I got to see a lot more than I’d bargained for – backdrops of snow-tinged mountains and lots more of the city architecture, tall church spires and pretty pastel-coloured buildings, as well as endless hills and greenery in every direction. I just wasn’t expecting to have gotten lost on the way back. Although on a positive note, it did mean I happened to stumble upon a charming tiny restaurant with wooden furniture and chequered tablecloths and people indulging in fondue delights. Now don’t get me wrong, it was a little embarrassing to sit there alone devouring the cheesy moitié-moitié deliciousness with bread and potatoes, but I did it – and it made me feel very happy indeed, if a little gluttonous too. My feet are paying the price now though and as I slip off my shoes, I sigh with relief. It’s been pretty much the perfect first day. More so than I could have imagined, and I can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings.

At the thought of the early morning start, I mentally decide on suitable outfit choices in advance. I have no idea what to expect of Lugano and I wonder how I’ll fare with Frederick who is practically a stranger. I stretch my arms above my head and yawn. Suddenly it doesn’t matter that it’s barely nine-thirty in the evening. I resign myself to the idea of an early night in an oversized squishy bed with amazing poufy pillows. Tomorrow is bound to be a long day, if not an interesting one.

It barely feels like a few hours later when I awaken to the sun streaming in through my hotel room window and with a horrified glance at the bedside clock, realise that it’s already late in the morning and nearly time to meet Frederick. ‘Shit,’ I mumble to myself, throwing back the covers and heading straight for the shower. How on earth I’ve managed to sleep a full interrupted twelve hours, I have no idea.

Fred is waiting for me by the cream stone wall of the neighbouring building when I exit the hotel. He’s looking exceptionally different from the man I spoke with yesterday. Gone is the hotel uniform and in its place are skinny jeans showing off his muscular legs and a tightly fitted T-shirt showcasing an exceptionally chiselled chest. He spots me, and I watch as his eyes crinkle in recognition and his mouth breaks into an infectious, delighted smile. ‘Hello! I thought you weren’t coming. You’re late.’

I wave shyly, aware that I feel a little intimidated by this new look. ‘I’m so sorry, I woke up a bit late.’

‘It’s OK. We still have time. The train doesn’t leave for twenty minutes. Let’s walk this way but we need to hurry.’ He points left and sets off at a fast pace. I follow him past scores of scrupulously neat workers on their morning commute. By the time we make it to the main train station, it’s thriving with people and when Fred offers to deal with purchasing the tickets, I nod gratefully and head towards a small patisserie with an enormous window display of goodies. Not five minutes later and armed with vibrant coloured macarons, I rush to the platform where he’s already waiting next to the door of the plush double decker train that’s beeping its last warning for boarding.

‘After you’ he says, gesturing for me to hop aboard. ‘And go to the right, the left is the quiet carriage.’ We find seats opposite one another, separated by a small table and I gaze happily out of the window as the train engine starts to chug into life. I open the box of macarons and offer them to Fred.

‘So, who are you visiting today?’ I ask, watching as he takes a blue one before I wonder which one to take for myself. Obviously, I bought a dozen, what with the journey being two hours…

Fred takes a bite and raises an eyebrow in approval. ‘My sister, she lives in Lugano with her husband and children. But don’t worry, I know you’re not going to want to invite yourself to that too.’ He grins and in return I cringe shyly. ‘I’ll show you around the main streets before I head off and then you’ll be able to explore – there’s lots to see.’

‘Thanks, sounds good.’ I polish off the remainder of my peach macaron and don’t hesitate in reaching for a second. I am on holiday after all. ‘I have to say, you look very buff when not in your uniform.’

‘Not what you were expecting?’

I laugh. ‘Not at all. But it suits you.’ I hear the flirtatious tone in my voice and marvel at how I seem to be able to flirt easily and confidently knowing that he is gay. But had he been heterosexual and this a date? I’m pretty sure I’d be choking on my macaron by now and spraying his face with crumbs. After so long with Jay, it still gets me into a tizzy having to flirt with handsome men.

‘I noticed on the hotel system you’re only staying for the next couple of days – do you have other plans for the weekend?’ he asks.

‘Yes, I’m going up to Laax to try a bit of skiing. I’ve never been before, and I figured I couldn’t visit Switzerland without doing some kind of snow sport.’

He brushes away the air in a brusque dismissive manner. ‘It’s very easy, you’ll master it in no time.’

‘Let’s hope so,’ I add, doubtfully. Clearly, he has no idea that my balance is a bit like an elephant on a spinning top. Still, his faith in me fills my mind with visions of myself elegantly speeding down black runs, my hair fanning out behind me gloriously. However, I’m very aware the reality is that I’ll be arse over tit with most likely a broken leg and frostbite by the end of the first day.

After some more chit chat, I begin to feel like I’m sharing the journey with an old friend, Fred is so easy to get along with. As he wanders off to find the on-board loo, I shrug off my jacket and relax into my seat. We’re already well into the journey and the city of Zurich is long behind us. I’ve been eyeing the scenery whilst chatting but having the quiet time to fully gaze out of my window at the breath-taking green valleys that lie beyond, is overwhelming. Rolling hills of the greenest pastures flit by me, a backdrop of magnificent snowy topped mountains behind, their grandeur intimidating as the sun peaks above them and spills down onto the picturesque landscape below. Traditional Swiss wooden chalets dot the land and I feel like I’ve been transported into an episode of Heidi.

By the time Fred returns, the landscape has changed to another lake and as I look at the glittering blue water, I feel overcome with the desire to change my life in a profound way. This is it – that defining moment people talk about. The one where you supposedly have a lightbulb moment and realise you need to make big, serious changes. I want lakes and mountains in my life more often. I want impromptu random meetings with people like Fred and I want brightly coloured macarons – lots of them! I just need a plan.

‘Can I ask, do you like working at the hotel Fred?’ I suddenly wonder if he’s also going through inner tumult or if it’s just me that has totally hit the wall with my regular life.

He nods his head wistfully. ‘I love it, I get to meet some wonderful people and I always wanted to work in hospitality. It’s taken many years to work my way up, but I’m enrolled on the Montana management course and it begins in a few months’ time.’ His face lights up. ‘It’s what I’ve been working towards and then once it’s completed, Enrique and I plan to explore the possibility of living and working abroad.’

‘Wow. That would be amazing. I guess there’s plenty of hotel management jobs all over the world?’ I note the fervour in Fred’s face as he’s talking – he has something I simply don’t. Excitement about the future.

‘There’s many jobs. I know many people working in good hotels in Dubai and a friend works in Spain. It shouldn’t be hard to find something.’ He looks at me curiously. ‘What about you?’

‘You mean with my work?’ I hesitate, wondering what to say. Because really, what is there to say? With Jay, I thought I would have children so I didn’t think long-term about my career because I’d be a mum and a wife. I realise now how pathetic that sounds, even to myself. In my younger, pre-Jay years, I’d once dreamed of achieving Head of Department status but now the reality of that role holds no illusion. It’ll be a heck of a lot more work, headache and responsibility for not a lot more money.

‘I’m OK where I am – I’ve been with the same school for six years and it’s a good place to work,’ I answer truthfully. Then I find myself backtracking. ‘But I don’t know… I’m not loving it as much as I once did.’ I stumble for words, realising it’s the first time I’m voicing my concerns aloud. ‘Recently, I’m starting to feel like I need something more from life. A bit more adventure, I guess.’

‘Do what I plan to do then.’ He says it so flippantly I almost don’t catch what he’s referring to. He seems to understand I’m confused. ‘Get yourself a job abroad.’ His phone suddenly beeps and before I have time to respond, he answers it, immediately drawn into an engaging conversation in German.

I turn to stare out of the window and chuckle to myself at the absurdity of his throwaway comment. Me, working abroad? How would that even be possible? I mean, yes, I’ve thought many times about how lovely it would be to just hop on a plane and relocate to somewhere hot and tropical. But it’s a fantasy. How would my family react, what about my mortgage, what would I do for work, not to mention finances? You can’t just up and leave everything behind and start afresh alone, can you? No, not if you’re already at an age where you’re supposed to be settled and have it together. Pre-Jay that would’ve been possible. But at thirty-three?! Life doesn’t work like that. But then I hear a small voice inside myself whispering, ‘Or does it?’. I push it away and quietly tell myself to stop daydreaming.

By the time we reach the Italian region of Switzerland and are just a couple of stops away from Lugano, the vast difference in the appearance and energy of the places we’re travelling through is evident. We pass small backyard vineyards and finally, we reach our destination, which appears to be halfway up a steep hillside slope. Fred is already standing up.

‘We’re here. Welcome to Lugano.’

We disembark and I straight away notice that the Mediterranean influence is much more prominent in this part. Italian conversation drifts all around me as we walk the short distance to the strange, one-car railway service that Fred has informed me will take us down the mountain and deposit us in the heart of the old town. I feel quite a world away from Zurich.

We squeeze into the already crammed carriage and begin our descent.