You Want to Do What?: Instant answers to your parenting dilemmas

Avoid punches if you can – these are easily ‘spiked’ and it’s also harder to control who is drinking what.

Offer plenty of food alongside any drinks, to soak up the alcohol.

Make sure that all your young guests have a safe means of getting home.

How old does my daughter need to be in order to buy alcohol legally?

In the UK, your daughter can buy beer, wine or cider in a pub from the age of sixteen, as long as she has a meal alongside and is with an adult. She can purchase any type of alcohol from the age of eighteen, from any premises.

What is the law in Europe?

In Europe, legislation is much more relaxed. Most children will be served alcohol with meals in restaurants if they are accompanied by an adult; most parents serve alcohol at home with meals and at celebrations. The legal drinking age for purchasing alcohol and consuming it on licensed premises ranges from sixteen to twenty, with eighteen being the most common age limit.

What happens in the US?

Don’t expect to have a sniff of alcohol until you are at least twenty-one. Not only is it almost impossible to buy without an ID card stating your age, but there is a strong anti-alcohol ethos that encourages abstention until twenty-one.

How do I know if my son is drinking too much?

Unfortunately, binge-drinking is a part of today’s youth culture. It’s not social drinking as we know it, but more like an ‘extreme sport’ – where you drink until you pass out or vomit. Chances are that if your son is drinking, he may well be drinking too much. A few drinks a week may be acceptable for an older teenager or a little alcohol with meals, but his health (in particular his liver and brain) can be affected if he is drinking large quantities regularly. It is important that he learns moderation, and that you keep tabs on what is going on. Remember that most kids don’t worry about alcohol and its dangers, because it’s part of their culture, they see deaths or alcohol poisoning as freak accidents, and they think they are immortal.

If your child is drinking too much, it’s important that you talk to him (see page), to explain the risks and find out why he feels the need to drink excessively.

OBVIOUS SIGNS OF OVERDRINKING

Bloodshot eyes

Slurred speech, giddiness, dizziness

Unusual fatigue

Repeated health complaints

Personality change

Sudden mood changes

Irresponsible behaviour

Irritability

Poor judgement

Depression

General torpor or lack of interest

Argumentative

Withdrawing from the family

Secretiveness

Drop in grades

Absence at school

Truancy

Discipline problems

Changes to less conventional styles in dress and music

Sudden increase or decrease in appetite

Not coming home on time – or calling at the last minute to say they are staying elsewhere (they don’t want to be caught)

Not telling you where they are going

Constant excuses for behaviour

Spending a lot of time in their rooms

Lying about activities

Reduced memory and attention span

TIPS FOR KIDS

If your child has begun drinking, it’s worth giving him or her some advice about how to approach it in a sensible fashion. For example:

Don’t start drinking if you are angry, anxious or depressed. Alcohol can easily become a crutch.

Become aware of when you need to stop drinking – when your speech becomes slurred, when your memory is affected, when you find yourself being a little too open or brave, when you become dizzy or giddy.

If you drink too quickly it is impossible to monitor how intoxicated you are getting. Slow down and let the effects spread over a long enough period of time.

Eat when you drink whenever possible – it slows down the absorption of alcohol into the bloodstream.

Remember that a true friend will never let a friend drink and drive or to drink dangerously. In other words, good friends look out for each other.

Remember the dangers of alcohol – drinking a small bottle of spirits (or the equivalent in wine or beer) over an hour or two gives you a one in two chance of dying, according to the Emergency Services.

Don’t allow anyone to bully or intimidate you into drinking too much – or binge-drinking. No one who really cares about you will do this.

Should I allow alcohol in my home if my kids are under age?

This is a similar question to allowing drinks for celebrations and a little wine with dinner. There is clear evidence that children who grow up accustomed to moderate, restrained drinking with meals are less likely to binge-drink or to develop alcohol problems in later life. Therefore, there is something to be said for giving them a regular taste of the ‘forbidden fruit’, in order to dispel its potential power. You must, however, ensure that your children are supervised at all times, and that the amount drunk is strictly regulated. One small glass of wine or beer with a meal is adequate until the age of fifteen.

Your children may have friends who bring alcohol to parties or get-togethers. Whether you choose to allow this is up to you and your personal family policy on under-aged drinking.

What are the legal implications?

If your child or anyone in your care is under the age of sixteen, you are responsible for their health and safety. A houseful of drunk teenagers can not only lead to tragedy, but to criminal prosecution. You are well within your rights, therefore, on a legal basis, to deny drinking in your home. If you do consent, it would be sensible to ask permission from the parents of any child who will be present.

When should I educate my children about alcohol?

Young people who have access to alcohol – drinking at parties, friends’ houses, in the park – quite often drink to get drunk. The number of teenagers trying drink in their early teens is growing, often influenced by peer pressure and the media. The worry for parents is that it can also be linked to risky teenage behaviour such as unprotected and early sex. Several studies indicate that kids regularly drink from about age twelve, so it’s worth discussing the dangers of alcohol with them well before that time. In reality, discussions about alcohol can be a part of family conversation from a very early age.

What is safe drinking?

When kids get older, you can give them tips on safe drinking (see page), and also explain the effects of alcohol. Kids like facts because they can spout them when they feel cornered by peers.

Top tips

Talk openly about the potential dangers – from health to safety – in a practical way so they don’t tune out.

Remember your own behaviour will influence them. Be honest about the reasons why you or people in general like drinking as well as the negatives of alcohol.

Talk about how they may feel or what they may do under pressure – whether it is deciding what they do if they are offered a drink, or if a friend offers them a lift home after drinking.

Encourage your child to stick to lower-strength brands and not to drink too quickly.

Agree rules on parties and be around if your child has a party at home.

Make sure your child has a way of getting home safely at night.

Be wary of late-night changes of plan (staying at a friend’s at the last minute) – chances are your child is hiding something. Try to avoid this type of secretiveness.

Make them aware of the danger of drink-spiking and not putting themselves in vulnerable situations. Encourage your children and their friends to look out for each other.

Explore how alcohol affects people in different ways, and how it can make some people aggressive and up for a fight. Talk through ways of keeping safe and walking away from trouble.

Encourage your teenager to make sensible choices, by stressing the health risks involved rather than laying down the law or giving ultimatums.

Armed forces

When can my son join the Army?

The UK’s armed forces (the Army, Royal Navy, Royal Air Force and Royal Marines) recruit school leavers from the age of sixteen, and they can be used on operations from the age of seventeen, the limit under current international conventions. You can apply to join the Royal Navy at fifteen years and nine months. Entry age and qualifications differ according to the branch of the service your child wishes to join. For example, your child can join any of the armed forces at sixteen, but if he or she wishes to join as an officer, they usually have to wait another year or so – seventeen and six months for the Air Force, and seventeen and nine months for the Army.

The armed forces can offer a multitude of career opportunities for young people, and not all of it involves work on the front lines. Nevertheless, it does entail a commitment, and your child must be prepared for some fairly hard graft and to show respect for authority if he or she wishes to join. All of the armed forces have a minimum period of service before you are allowed to leave. For example, if your son or daughter joins the army and doesn’t like it, they can’t leave within the first 28 days. After this, they can leave on 28 days’ notice at any time during the first six months (or if over the age of eighteen, during the first three months). Thereafter, your son or daughter must serve four years.

What is the Territorial Army?

A good way to experience the Army without making a full commitment is to join the Territorial Army (TA), which is a reserve force of civilians who undertake soldier training and fulfil operational support on a part-time basis.

For more information on what’s involved and the various careers available, visit www.armyjobs.mod.uk or ring 0845 7300 111.

WHAT IS THE ARMY CADET FORCE (ACF)?

The ACF is a 40,000 strong organisation designed to give young people of both sexes (between the ages of thirteen and eighteen), a taste of what the Army can offer. It has bases all over the UK and, a little like the Scout and Guide Associations, is run by volunteer instructors.

Can my son join the Army without my permission?

Your son will need permission to join any part of the armed forces, including those that are part-time and/or volunteer, until he is eighteen. At this age, he can join anything without parental consent.

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