The Blue Days Of Mine. Extended Version

[Bridge]

Maybe when everything

Goes well there, I'll come

To my beloved Black Sea.

And I'll recover, I might.

We both need to make a storm.

Give ‘em a poison and fears,

Since we've received their scorn.

We decide where our shore is.

[Chorus]

It cries, it screams, it suffers, it rushes again.

Black fuel oil, black harbour, black shore and black pain.

My tears are blacker than the night, my cry is a roar.

If tears are my weapon, then this crying is war.

You say I'm so weak, well, we'll see.

If you want to know, I am the black sea.

The Black Sea, e-e-e, e-e-e.

The Black Sea, e-e-e, e-e-e.

[Post-chorus]

We'll see the black sea, the black sea, the black sea

We'll see the black sea, the black sea, the black sea

February 16th, 2025

¹ On December 15, 2024, two Russian tankers carrying a total of 9.2 thousand tons of fuel oil crashed in the Kerch Strait. A significant part of the fuel oil ended up in the Black Sea. The discarded oil products were picked up by the sea current, which seriously affected the coastal strip – beaches, plants and animals.

Enough is enough

song

[Verse 1]

It's been too painful for so, so long.

I think that I'm ready to lose my hope.

You say I'm a drama queen. Oh my God!

Even if I'm helpless, I can be bold.

[Chorus]

And I'm screaming as loud as I can.

You're making me, you're making me fail.

Apparently, you're proud of all this stuff.

But I'm telling ya enough is enough

I admit, this time is very, very tough.

But I repeat, bitch, I have had enough.

[Verse 2]

I don't want to continue all this fight.

I just want freedom and peace of mind.

Thank you that my heart is dead now.

And now I'm making, making a new vow.

[Chorus]

And I'm screaming as loud as I can.

You're making me, you're making me fail.

Apparently, you're proud of all this stuff.

But I'm telling ya enough is enough

I admit, this time is very, very tough.

But I repeat, bitch, I have had enough.

[Bridge]

My vow is that I will draw a new portrait.

And it will be based only on what you said.

I'll become a living moon of crimson blood.

And I'll let the rivers, let the rivers flood.

[Chorus]

And I'm screaming as loud as I can.

You're making me, you're making me fail.

Apparently, you're proud of all this stuff.

But I'm telling ya enough is enough

I admit, this time is very, very tough.

But I repeat, bitch, I have had enough.

[Post-chorus]

It's been too painful for so, so long.

I think that I've already lost my hope.

June 13th, 2024

Call me whatever you want

song

[Verse 1]

You can call me whatever you want.

You can use the most terrible word.

Won't take offense or shout anything worse.

This is an opinion, that's neither true nor false.

[Verse 2]

He can call me whoever he wants.

He can break me, my heart and my bones.

Won't cry outta pain or do anything worse.

This is an opinion, that's neither true nor false.

[Verse 3]

She can call me whatever she wants.

Can spread gossip at the speed of gunshots.

I won't deny or hate her or her words

This is an opinion and who said it was false?

[Verse 4]

They can call me whoever they want.

They can break me, my friends or my hope.

I won't be furious or take bloody revenge.

This is an opinion, neither malice nor rage.

[Verse 5]

I can call them whatever I want.

I can use the most terrible word,

I can break them, their bones and their minds.

But they'll say it's not an opinion, that's crime.

[Post-chorus]

It's not an opinion, that's crime.

It's not an opinion, that's crime.

That's crime.

August 15th, 2023

Poetry hero

new song

[Verse 1]

I just wanted to come up with a story

About things you've gone through,

And ended up here, cold and lonely,

Because I know and understand you…

I wish I could write it like Shakespeare,

I wish it would make all of them cry,

Your sad life story and my clever lyre.

But in the end, they are gonna die…

[Chorus]

You once laughed at me,

I once laughed at you.

Now I'm your author, and you're my poetry hero…

And all you can be

Is all I can do.

I am your world, your home, I'm your giver…

[Verse 2]

I'm no longer Shakespeare, but Conan Doyle. ¹

The death is being investigated.

You're still breathing. Oh, Melancholy.

All the storylines were created.

Apocalypse is taking place in the world,

Journalists, as usual, work on the spot.

Politicians promise, remember their word.

Who looks down from heaven on all this? God.

[Chorus]

And He's looking at me,

Then He's looking at you.

He's our author, and we are His poetry heroes…

And all we can be

Is all He can do.

We can be the best, the worst or just zeroes.

[Bridge]

Wang Gogh cut off his ear, ²

I want to cut off my finger,

I need to fight my strongest fear.

But am I really eager?

I want to remember about you again.

But Adonis is not for Venus. ³

Perhaps I should've written something else.

And drown out my stupid feelings.

[Chorus]

You once laughed at me,

I once laughed at you.

I was your author and you were my poetry hero…

All you used to be

Was all I could do.

I'm no longer your author, but I'm your killer.

You once laughed at me,

I once laughed at you.

Now I'm your author and you're my poetry hero…

And all you can be

Is all I can do.

I am your world, your home, I'm your mirror…

I am your world, your home, I'm your killer…

I am your world, your home, I'm your giver…

I am your world, your home, I'm your mirror…

December 1st, 2022

¹ Arthur Conan Doyle is an English writer of Irish descent. He is best known for creating the character of Sherlock Holmes, a brilliant detective who has become a cult figure in the detective genre. Shakespeare's themes are typical, for example: love, betrayal, power struggle, family relationships, and others. Arthur Conan Doyle is characterized, in particular, by such themes as crimes and their detection, fantastic and humorous ideas, and so on.

² Vincent Van Gogh is a Dutch painter and graphic artist, one of the three main figures of post-Impressionism. There are several versions of why Vincent Van Gogh cut off his ear: a mental state (bipolar disorder), a quarrel with Paul Gauguin, and other hypotheses.

³ Adonis and Venus are the characters of William Shakespeare's long narrative poem Venus and Adonis (published in 1593). Shakespeare drew on classical sources such as Ovid's Metamorphoses, although he developed the poem in his own way. Venus tries to seduce Adonis, a handsome but shy young man who is more interested in hunting than in love. Passion flares up between them, but Adonis believes that he is too young for romance novels. Soon, Adonis is killed due to a hunting accident.

Analysis: this song is one of the most avant-garde I've ever written. Therefore, I think it should be analysed in depth. The song "Poetry Hero" explores a complex and multifaceted relationship between the narrator and the subject of the story, blurring the lines between creator and his creation, author and character, and even life and death. This song is a reflection on the author's power over his characters and, perhaps (more importantly), on the Creator's power over us. The song also touches on philosophical questions about the meaning of existence and the role of man in the universe. In the first verse, the author admits his desire to create a story based on someone else's experience, on someone else's pain. The theme of empathy and understanding arises, but also the exploitation of someone else's life for the sake of art. The verse reveals the inner conflict of the author, who is trying to create a story about a man who has experienced difficulties. He aspires to reach Shakespeare's level, but realizes that all stories eventually end in death. The chorus reveals the basic idea: the author is the judge, and the character is just the hero of his poetry. In the hands of the author – life and death, home and the world. The character is completely dependent on the will of the author. The line "All you can be is all I can do" emphasizes the narrator's control over the subject's narrative and, by extension, their fate. The final lines ("I am your world, your home, I'm your giver") further solidify this controlling, almost God-like position. The second verse takes us into a larger context, and the world plunges into apocalyptic events. In the second verse, the role changes: the author turns from Shakespeare to Conan Doyle, from the creator of tragedy to a detective investigating death. At this moment, a broader perspective appears – God's view of what is happening, the theme of the Creator watching over us. The mention of apocalypse and journalists adds a layer of societal commentary, contrasting the personal story with the wider world's chaos. The question of God's observation underscores the theme of larger forces at play, influencing both the characters and the narrator's creative process. There is a switch in the chorus: now God is the Author, and we are "His poetry heroes". The outcome is similar: our fate is determined by the will of the Creator. The bridge reveals the narrator's internal struggle. The references to Van Gogh cutting off his ear and the narrator's desire to cut off their finger symbolize self-harm and artistic desperation. The final part reveals the duality of the author's role: he is both the creator, the destroyer, and the mirror reflecting the essence of the hero. It suggests that the author and the character are inextricably linked, that the author is reflected in his creation, and vice versa. And, ultimately, that the Creator is also a part of his creation. "Poetry Hero" is a dark and introspective exploration of artistic creation, power dynamics, and the inherent limitations of both life and storytelling. The song is a deep philosophical reflection on the nature of creativity, the power of the creator and the place of man in the universe, using the metaphor of the relationship between the author and his hero.

Love & Loathe

song

[Verse 1]

This summer began with my desire,

With the hope and joy of mine.

I gave it my all,

But the world is sold.

Fought with people, fought with demons,

Fought against their mad opinions.

Handled it well,

But it was hell.

[Chorus]

God, I didn't let you down.

I've created something magical,

Beautiful and kept my vow.

God, it wasn't that radical.

It defenceless and tender,

It blooms quickly and seldom.

[Verse 2]

The summer ends with morbid crying,

I feel down, but I'm still trying

To be here.

My pain, my dream.

Eternal memory to this art,

A part of it lives in my heart.

Are you still here?

Can you say clear?

[Chorus]

God, they ruined me to the ground.

I swear, I tried, I fought,

But I couldn't make a sound.

God, the world has been bought.

And so they love and loathe.

But I'll be there with my dreams and hope.

[Post-chorus]

So they love me, but they loathe.

Yes, they do, yes, they do it both.

With my dreams and my hope

The world has been, the world has been bought.

So they love me, but they loathe.

I swear, I tried, I tired, but I, but I fought.

So forgive me, please, my Lord.

Once I was innocent, the art of mine is loathed.

August of 2023

How can it be?

song

[Chorus]

How can it be real?

Blue skies, but a blue feeling.

Blue birds, but blue days.

A deep blue sea, but a deadly blue face.

[Verse 1]

In the morning you see the sunlight.

It's so warm, so happy and bright.

In the evening you see the moonlight.

But after that comes the dreary black night.

[Chorus]

How can it be right?

You live, but then you die.

You're blessed, but then you're doomed.

You win, and then you fail and lose.

[Verse 2]

When you are born, you see the world bright.

It is filled with your mother's pure love.

When you die, you see the world dark.

It is cold, empty, cruel and vile.

[Chorus]

How can it be me?

I am not happy to live.

I dream of peace in my life.

But I'm destroying my world to the ground.

[Interlude]

[Verse 3]

In the reflection of the waters

You can see the sky above us.

In the glass of high-rise buildings,

You can see it dead and twisted.

[Chorus]

How can it just be?

If I cannot be free,

If freedom doesn't come with death,

Then I don't need to pray for help.

[Interlude]

[Verse 4]

A lot of colours in your life.

Mornings, nights, the endless sky.

And the lessons you have learned.

Blue sea, blue days, blue eyes, blue world.

[Chorus]

How can it be real?

Mmmmmmm.

How can it be right?

Lalalala

[Post-chorus]

How can world be blue,

How can days be that too?

How can it be me?

How can, how can, how can it be?

April 19th, 2024

I wish I

poem

I wish I could be able to go back in time.

I wish I could only do things right.

Anyway, everything seems to be fine.

Don't worry, I will be just alright.

I failed everything, and that's true.

I was telling myself “I hate you”.

Maybe that's the reason of my loss.

Self-hypnosis is the most horrific force.

My mind is my weapon, so I fight.

My heart is the target, so I die.

When your tears fly like arrows, hitting you,

You give up, there's nothing left to do.

And I'm going to fall from the height

I have ever ever barely gained.

I'm afraid to come face to face

With rocks, cold water and huge waves.

If only I could do things right.

If only I knew how to fight.

Their voices wouldn't have been heard

If only I had reached that top.

April of 2024

Forever Free

new song

[Verse 1]

I want you to be.

That's a simple thing.

That's a real dream.

I might sound stupid.

I just want a kiss.

Cause I have not had it

In my 18 years.

Hey, inform Cupid.

Well, I confess I guess I was just deluded.

[Chorus]

I met many men,

But none was waiting there for me

In the pouring rain.

Maybe something’s wrong with me?

None gave me their love,

None was into me.

Maybe I'm just blind

And I don't see it.

I met many men,

But none was waiting there for me

In the pouring rain.

Maybe something is wrong with me?

None said I'm nice,

None gave me a kiss.

So I'm paying the price,

Although I bought nothing.

Well, I'm forever free.

[Verse 2]

Hey, man, just tell me

With regard and esteem

That I'm just a nominee

But never a winner.

The ones who want me

Don't even make me feel

Like they're my daydream,

So why'd I make it bitter?

The best thing I can give them is just freedom.

[Chorus]

I met many men,

But none was waiting there for me

In the pouring rain.

Maybe something's wrong with me?

None gave me their love,

None was into me.

Maybe I'm just blind

And I don't see it.

I met many men,

But none was waiting there for me

In the pouring rain.

Maybe something's wrong with me?

None said I'm nice,

None gave me a kiss.

So I'm paying the price,

Although I bought nothing.

Well, I'm forever free.

[Bridge]

I just wanna say that

Never bet on your fate.

Being lonely is worse than

Being completely dead.

If you hear ‘bout love

And think it's so stupid.

Just think a lot before

Cursing your own Cupid.

[Chorus]

I met many men,

But none was waiting there for me

In the pouring rain.

Maybe something is wrong with me?

None gave me their love,

None was into me.

Maybe I'm just blind

And I don't see it.

I met many men,

But none was waiting there for me

In the pouring rain.

Maybe something is wrong with me?

None said I'm nice,

None gave me a kiss.

So I'm paying the price,

Although I bought nothing.

Well, I'm forever free.

February of 2025

***

poem

I keep trying to sort out my own thoughts,

Keep forgetting those forget-me-nots.

The weather is sunny outside,

But it's raining in my anxious mind.

Yes, I've died a thousand times,

I was lying with mysterious lies.

Ask me what I want and you won't

Get an answer, 'cause I finally lost my hope.

You're going to ask me again if I agree.

I'm not worthy of you, don't you see?

And we will be both sorrowful and confused.

So, the best choice for us is to refuse.

2023

Boston Strangler

song

[Verse 1]

Was it love that I saw

Or the challenge from Saw? ¹

We loved watching horror films.

Now we're their heroes, it seems.

I listen to thunder like music.

'Cause I find this shit amusing.

After my meeting with you,

I don't know what to do.

[Chorus]

I find it funny to look

At the crooked

Graphics of the monsters.

You needed proofs

You've become too

Much like the Strangler of Boston. ²

I find it funny to look

At the crooked

Graphics of the monsters.

You needed proofs

You've become too

Much like the Strangler of Boston.

But do really think I'm cursed?

Ooh.

But I don't scare and don't slam doors.

Ooh.

You're hiding a knife up your sleeve.

Ooh.

You behave either like a maniac or like a thief.

I find it funny to look…

[Verse 2]

You said that kindness won't buy

The world, but I asked you why.

You said my book was too kind.

I won't make any money now.

(I've made it free, bye-bye)

You like horror films, don't you?

I also find this nonsense cool.

But if I had a choice between you

And the monster, guess who I'd choose.

[Chorus]

I find it funny to look

At the crooked

Graphics of the monsters.

You needed proofs

You've become too

Much like the Strangler of Boston.

I find it funny to look

At the crooked

Graphics of the monsters.

You needed proofs

You've become too

Much like the Strangler of Boston.

But do really think I'm cursed?

Ooh.

But I don't scare and don't slam doors.

Ooh.

You're hiding a knife up your sleeve.

Ooh.

You behave either like a maniac or like a thief.

I find it funny to look…

Spring of 2024

¹ Saw is a 2004 American horror film. The plot revolves around the mystery of a serial killer and crazy challenges that he assigned to the captives.

² The Boston Strangler is the nickname of a previously unidentified serial killer responsible for the murders of 13 women in Boston, Massachusetts, in the early 1960s.

***

poem

Freedom is the choice of the free.

The sinner always chooses sin.

I was born lonely, I will die lonely,

I have no love, my one and only.

My life will go by so slowly.

And so I was up to one thing.

Only treasures enticed me.

They called, they hid, they teased.

I craved, I sought, I seized.

But they eluded me.

We were running from misfortune.

From rudeness, curses, fears, and torture.

I knew we wouldn't get so far,

What did I get besides that harm?

Well, the reward was a big scar.

You haven't seen me, well, have you?

The mayhem hid me from the view.

Although I roamed and I passed

Unnoticed through those little paths.

But now all this is the past.

I dreamed of wealth and money, but

I found my treasure in her love.

Years passed, we had our love to hone.

Love became sharp, so she was gone.

And now I'm on my own.

February 28th, 2025

rehetahI

song

[Verse 1]

She always knows better everything I know.

She's Francophobic, but she lives in the chateau. ¹

She behaves like a genius, she's always the best.

We seem to be friends, but it's easy to guess

[Chorus]

That I hate her knowing her just a month

At home and outdoors, in crowds and alone.

That I hate her for being clever child,

For being falsely kind and still unsatisfied.

[Verse 2]

She has no real friends, she prefers her phone,

But she's not as me alone, she always takes her own.

Maybe I'm just drowning in my crazy jealousy,

But I'm not me if I let it be!

[Chorus]

'Cause I hate her knowing her just a month

At home and outdoors, in crowds and alone.

And I blame her for everything she does,

For everything she loves, I think she's really nuts.

I hate her, I want to and I can,

Well, I'm just a man, don't you feel the same?

I hate her by knowing just a month,

I wish she'd shut her mouth,

Because I'm lost and I'm overdose

By everything she does.

[Bridge]

She always knows better everything I know.

She's arrogant, she acts like she is owed.

She thinks she's a genius, she's always the best.

We seem to be friends, but it's easy to guess

[Chorus]

That I hate her knowing her just a month

At home and outdoors, in crowds and alone.

And I blame her for everything she does,

For everything she loves and I think she's really nuts.

I hate her, I want to and I can,

Well, I'm just a man, why don't you feel the same?

I hate her knowing her just a month,

She has finally shut her mouth,

Because I'm lost and I'm overdose

By everything she does.

October 9th, 2022

¹ Chateau is a word in French, the name of a country manor house of the highest aristocracy and nobility, often with a park and a winery.

Dead End

song

[Verse 1]

Now I'm dead

Now I'm fine

I will never ever cry

And I walk through walls

Thanks to God

Thanks to Death

I will never feel my breath

The crunch of bones

And my heartbeat songs

[Chorus]

Probably everyone would consider it a curse

But this is just my choice

That's neither true nor false

People think I'm sick, I'm just a freak

But I think it's a dream

I'm no more human being

[Verse 2]

Now I'm free

Now I see

How desirable death can be

And life is suicidal

My rotting body

Scares everybody

It's so vicious and so muddy

Life wasn’t an idyll

My death is revival

[Chorus]

Probably everyone will forget me in two days

I don't see sunny rays