Snowbound With The Single Dad

He bent forward. People around them were still cheering about the Christmas lights, breaking into song as the music got louder in the amplifiers next to them.

But Callum wasn’t noticing any of that. The only thing he was focused on was Jess’s lips.

And everything was just like he remembered. Almost as perfect.

The last time round Jess had tasted of strawberry lip gloss, and this time she tasted of mulled wine. He could sense the tiniest bit of hesitation as he kissed her, so he took it slowly, gently kissing her lips, teasing at the edges until she moved her hands from his shoulders and wrapped them around his neck, kissing him right back.

And then everything was perfect.

CHAPTER EIGHT

CALLUM LISTENED TO the NHS helpline music with growing impatience. It was funny how all rational thought flew out of the window when your child was in pain.

Drew was clutching his stomach again. He was pale and feverish, and he couldn’t even tolerate fluids. But the pain was making him gasp and sob and Callum was feeling utterly helpless.

He glanced at his watch. It would be nearly midnight by the time the NHS helpline put him through to one of the nurses—and he told Drew’s story again—then they would have to drive out to one of the GP centres. Who knew when his son would get some pain relief?

No. He couldn’t wait that long.

As a member of one of the emergency services, he hated it when people used the services irresponsibly. But this didn’t feel irresponsible. This did feel like an emergency. And he could explain later why he hadn’t been prepared to wait for the helpline.

Jessica was on call tonight. Should he take Drew to Parkhill?

He hadn’t even told her about Drew yet, and this would be a baptism of fire. But as Drew’s father he couldn’t think of anyone he would trust more with his son. He’d seen Jessica at work. He’d heard her colleagues talk about her.

She was undoubtedly a great doctor, who cared about her patients.

He was supposed to be taking Jessica out for dinner in a few nights’ time. He’d been hoping to tell her about Drew then, and also to explain why evening dates could prove to be difficult. After a day of work he really didn’t like to ask someone to babysit his son. He wanted to spend time with him. And he was hopeful that Jess would understand that. But now that would all have to wait.

Within minutes he had Drew bundled up into his booster seat, still in his pyjamas and wrapped in a fleecy blanket.

The roads were coated with snow and deadly quiet. Anyone with a half a brain was tucked up in bed. The only other traffic on the roads at this time of night was the gritters. He made it to the hospital in record time, parked in one of the emergency bays and carried Drew inside in his arms.

‘I need to see Jessica Rae right away.’

The receptionist looked up, her face unfamiliar. ‘Can you give me your details, please, sir?’

‘Jessica Rae—I know she’s on duty tonight. I want her to check over my son.’

The receptionist plastered a weary smile on her face. ‘Give me your son’s details. I’ll get one of the doctors to see him.’

Callum felt his patience at an all-time low. ‘Page Jessica Rae for me—now!’

One of the triage nurses appeared at his side and gave a knowing smile to the receptionist. They were probably used to frantic parents, but it didn’t excuse his behaviour. ‘Come with me, sir, and I’ll start the assessment procedure for your son.’ She reached over and brushed Drew’s fringe out of his eyes, taking in his pale colour and the sheen on his skin. ‘Let’s get some obs.’

Callum felt himself take some deep breaths as he followed the nurse down the corridor. She was ruthlessly efficient, taking Drew’s temperature, heart rate and blood pressure, then putting some cream on the inside of one elbow to numb the area and prepare it for a blood sample to be taken. As she scribbled down Drew’s history, then held a sick bowl to let him retch into it, she gave Callum a tight smile.

‘I know you asked for Dr Rae, but she’s in surgery right now. She will see your son, but he needs some other tests done and some blood taken in the meantime. I’m going to ask one of the other doctors on duty to see Drew right now.’

There was something in the way she said the words. The quiet urgency in them. As if she suspected something but wasn’t prepared to say it out loud. She had that look about her—the nurse who’d seen everything a dozen times and could probably out-diagnose most of the junior doctors.

‘What do you think’s wrong?’

She gave the slightest shake of her head. ‘Let’s leave that to the doctors, shall we?’

He tried his best not to erupt. To tell her that he didn’t want his son to wait a second longer.

She glanced at him as she headed to the curtains. ‘I’ll get the other doctor now. The sooner Drew is seen, the better. Then we can get him some pain relief.’

He nodded automatically. Pain relief for his son. That’s what he wanted more than anything. Anything to take the pain away from Drew.

‘Dr Rae, there’s a kid with an acute abdomen in A and E. Father is insisting you see him.’

Jessica pulled off her gown and gloves and dumped them in the disposal unit. ‘Really? What’s the name?’

‘Kennedy. Drew Kennedy.’

She shrugged. She was the consultant on call. She’d see any kid with an acute abdomen anyway. ‘I don’t recognise the name, but tell them I’ll be right there.’

She gave her hands a quick wash, trying to place the name. None of her friends had a son called Drew. And the surname? Well, there was only one Kennedy that she knew.

Her stomach gave a little sinking feeling as she rounded the corner into A and E. It couldn’t be, could it?

No. Not a chance.

It couldn’t be a nephew as Callum didn’t have any brothers or sisters.

And Callum would have mentioned something as important as having a son. Wouldn’t he?

But as she walked over to the curtains she recognised the frame hunched over the little figure straight away.

She froze.

She wanted to turn on her heel and run away. She wanted to disappear out of the hospital and take a minute to catch her breath. To try and get her head around the thousand thoughts currently spinning around in her brain.

But that was the second that Callum looked up. And his relief at seeing her was plastered all over his face.

She’d seen that look a hundred times. The parent worried out of their mind about their child. Hoping against hope that their worst fears weren’t about to be realised.

Professional mode. No matter how she felt, or what her questions were, she had to move into professional mode right now. There was a sick little boy to be dealt with.

She kept her voice steady and calm. ‘Callum? I didn’t expect to see you.’ She picked up the chart, her eyes skimming over the notes and observations. ‘Is this your son?’

Calm. Rational. That’s how she was hoping she sounded.

Callum had the good grace to look embarrassed. ‘Yes. This is Drew.’ There was a shake to his voice. He really was scared for his son—he must be. He’d deliberately brought him here and asked for her, even though he’d known she would have questions. ‘He’s five and he’s had a sore stomach on and off for the last two weeks. We’ve been back and forth to the GP with no diagnosis. But tonight he’s much worse.’ He lowered his voice. ‘Sorry. I was going to tell you about Drew at dinner on Saturday.’

Her brain was still stuck on the ‘five’ part. She tried not to wince as she glanced at the date of birth. Drew was almost the same age as her son Lewis would have been.

She tried not to let the tight squeeze around her heart affect her. Everything was so unfair. Callum had the little boy she should still have. A little boy he hadn’t even mentioned.

She took a deep breath and looked over at the little boy on the bed. The junior doctor had done everything he should, but he hadn’t made any provisional diagnosis. Which meant he was stumped.

‘Hi, there, Drew. I’m Dr Jessica. Do you mind if I have a look at your tummy?’

‘No. Daddy, don’t let them touch my tummy again.’ She could hear the distress in the little boy’s voice. The fear of someone touching a part of him that was already very painful.

She looked at the chart, making sure he’d been given some analgesia. ‘Hasn’t the medicine helped your sore tummy? It should have made it feel a little better.’

The little boy shook his head. ‘It’s still sore.’

‘Can you tell me where it hurts if I promise not to touch?’

He nodded. His face was pale. ‘It started in the middle but now it’s over here.’ He pointed to his left side.

She pointed to the IV in his arm. ‘I’m going to put a little more medicine in here. It will work really quickly and help your tummy.’ She nodded towards the nurse. ‘Can I have point two milligrams of morphine, please?’

She waited a few minutes until the nurse returned with the syringe and ampule for her to check before administration. She prescribed the dose and signed the ledger before giving Drew the analgesic. She placed her hand on his forehead and bent down to whisper in his ear, ‘It will start to work really quickly, I promise.’

Some doctors didn’t agree with giving analgesia to paediatric patients before a diagnosis was made. They thought it could mask abdominal symptoms and delay a diagnosis. But Jessica had read a whole host of studies with evidence that analgesics reduced pain without interfering with diagnostic accuracy. Besides, Jessica could never leave a child in pain.

Right now, Drew was showing most of the signs and symptoms of appendicitis, but the pain for appendicitis was associated with radiating to the right, not the left.

She bent down and whispered in Drew’s ear. ‘Okay, I know I’m a lady doctor but I need to have a little check of your testicles. Do you know what they are?’

He shook his head.

She lifted her eyebrows. ‘Your balls.’

He gave a little giggle.

She nodded. ‘All I’m going to do is have a little feel to make sure they are where they’re supposed to be. It will only take a few seconds, and it won’t hurt, okay?’

He nodded and she checked quickly. It was important with boys to rule out a twisting of the testes, but everything seemed fine.

She did another few tests, one—the McBurney’s—the classic indicator of appendicitis. But nothing was conclusive.

Drew’s guarding was evident. Something was definitely going on.

The nurse appeared at her side. ‘Drew’s blood tests are back. They’re on the system.’

Jessica gave a nod. No wonder the junior doctor had been puzzled. She was puzzled. ‘Let’s get an IV up on Drew and I’m going to order an abdominal ultrasound to see if we can get a better idea of what’s going on.’

She walked over to the nearest computer and pulled up Drew’s blood results. His white-cell count was up, just as expected in appendicitis. She gave a little nod of approval as she saw the junior doctor had grouped and cross-matched his blood too, in case surgery was needed at a later time.

She looked over at Drew again. He was curled up in a ball, guarding his stomach like a little old man. And the strangest feeling came over her.

She unhooked her pink stethoscope from her neck. ‘Drew, I’m just going to have a listen to your chest. It will only take a few seconds.’

She placed her stethoscope on his chest, waited a few seconds then took a deep breath and repositioned it.

She looked sideways at Callum. ‘Has Drew ever had a chest X-ray?’

He shook his head. ‘I don’t think so. He’s never had any problems with his chest. Why? What’s wrong?’

Jess signalled to the A and E nurse. ‘Can you arrange a portable chest film for me—right away?’

The nurse nodded and disappeared for a few minutes. There was always a portable X-ray machine in the emergency department.

Callum walked over to her. ‘What is it?’

She placed her hand on his chest. ‘Give me a minute. I need to check something.’ She wrinkled her nose. ‘Have you ever had a chest X-ray?’

He rolled his eyes. ‘Jess, I’m a fireman. I spent years working with a regular fire crew. Every time I came out of a burning building I had a chest X-ray.’

She nodded, it made sense, ‘Right. So you did. And no one ever mentioned anything?’

He shook his head. ‘Are you going to tell me what’s going on? I’m going crazy here.’

She reached over and touched his hand. It didn’t matter how upset she was right now. She’d even pushed aside the conversation she wanted to have with him right now. ‘Callum, do you trust me?’ Drew was the only thing that currently mattered.

His eyes flitted from side to side. Panic. Total panic. He ran his hand through his hair. ‘Yes, of course I do, Jess. Why do you think I brought Drew here and asked to see you? There’s nobody I trust more.’

The horrible reality right now was that she understood. She understood that horrible feeling of parental panic. That out-of-control sensation. She did. More than he would ever know.

She wrapped her other hand over his. ‘Then just give me five minutes. Let me have a look at a chest X-ray for Drew. I promise, I’ll explain everything.’

She saw his shoulders sag a little, saw the worried trust in his eyes.

She was telling herself that she would do this for any parent. That she had done this for any parent. But her conflicting emotions were telling her something else entirely.

The X-ray only took a few minutes and she pushed the film up onto the light box. It took her less than five seconds to confirm her diagnosis.

‘Can you stay with Drew?’ she asked the nurse.

‘What is it?’ The stricken look had reappeared in Callum’s eyes, but she shook her head, pulled the chest X-ray down from the box and gestured with her head for him to follow her.

She opened the door to a nearby office and pushed the film back up on the light box inside. She flicked the switch and turned to face Callum.

‘Drew has a condition called situs inversus.’

‘What? What is that?’

She took a deep breath. ‘It literally means that all his organs are reversed, or mirrored from their normal positions. Everything about Drew’s symptoms today screamed appendicitis. Except for the positioning of the pain. Most people have their appendix on the right side. One of the true indicators of appendicitis is pain in the right iliac fossa.’ She pointed to the position on her own abdomen to show him what she meant. ‘But Drew’s pain is on the other side—because his appendix is on the other side.’

‘What does this mean? Is it dangerous? And how can you tell from a chest X-ray?’

She placed her hand on his shoulder. ‘Slow down, Callum. One thing at a time.’

She pointed to the chest X-ray. ‘Drew’s heart is on the right side of his chest instead of the left. I can see that clearly in the chest X-ray.’ She pointed at the lungs. ‘I can also see that his left lung is tri-lobed and his right lung bilobed. That’s the reverse of most people. This all gets a little complicated. It means that Drew’s condition is known as situs inversus with dextrocardia, or situs inversus totalis.’

She tried to explain things as simply as she could. ‘This is a congenital condition, Callum, it’s just never been picked up. It could be that either you or his mother has this condition. It seems less likely for you as it would have been picked up in a routine chest X-ray.’ She gave her head a little shake. ‘It could be that neither of you has it. It’s a recessive gene and you could both be carriers. Around one in ten thousand people have this condition.’

‘Is it dangerous?’

She bit her bottom lip. ‘It can be. Particularly in cases like this, when things can be misdiagnosed. But Drew’s been lucky. Some people with this condition have congenital heart defects, but as Drew’s been relatively unaffected that seems unlikely. It’s likely if he had a congenital heart defect he would have had other symptoms that meant the condition would have been picked up much sooner. We’ll do some further tests on him later. Right now we need to take him for surgery. His appendix needs to come out. How about we take care of that now, and discuss the rest of this later?’

He was watching her with his deep green eyes. She could see that he’d been holding his breath the whole time she’d been talking. He let it out in a little hiss. ‘Will you do the surgery?’

The ethics of this question were already running through her mind. She had treated the children of friends on a number of occasions. It wasn’t something she particularly liked to do—but in an emergency situation like this, the child’s health came first.

‘I’m the physician on call tonight. So it’s up to me to perform the surgery. Would you like to find someone else to do it? That’s always an option if you feel uncomfortable.’

He was on his feet instantly. ‘No. Absolutely not. I want you to do it. I trust you to do it.’ He looked her straight in the eye. ‘There’s no one else I would trust more.’

Things were still bubbling away inside her. It wasn’t the time or the place, but she still had to say something.

‘This isn’t exactly ideal, Callum. And I’m not entirely comfortable about it. The surgery isn’t a problem. There will be a registrar and an anaesthetist in Theatre with me. I’ll need to go over the risks with you and get you to sign a consent form.’

She hesitated and let out a sigh. ‘I kissed you a few days ago, Callum, so that complicates things for me. Obviously I didn’t know about Drew…’ she held up her hand as he tried to interrupt ‘…because you chose not to tell me. So, because I haven’t met your son before, and don’t have a relationship with him, that makes things a little easier.’

Her hands went to her hair and she automatically started twisting it in her hands, getting ready to clip it up for Theatre. She kept her voice steady. ‘I’ll perform your son’s surgery and look after him for the next few days. I’ll take the time to explain his condition and give you all the information that you need. After that? I have no idea.’

‘Jess, please just let me explain.’

‘No, Callum. Don’t. Don’t make this any more complicated than it already is. I’ve got more than enough to deal with right now.’ She pointed back through the open door towards the curtains, where Drew was still lying on the trolley with a nurse monitoring him. ‘Make yourself useful, go and sit with your son.’ She walked out of the room, muttering under her breath, ‘You don’t know how lucky you are.’

Callum watched her retreating back and took her advice.

The nurse gave him a smile as he appeared back at Drew’s side. ‘You were lucky,’ she said. ‘Our Dr Rae is a fabulous paediatrician. Not everyone would have picked up that diagnosis.’

He gave a little nod. That didn’t even bear thinking about. If he’d taken Drew elsewhere and some other physician had missed this…

It made him feel physically sick to his stomach.

He stroked his hand across Drew’s forehead. His son was a little more settled, the morphine obviously helping to a certain extent. Drew was the most precious thing in the world to him. He couldn’t stand it if something happened to his son.

It was obvious he’d hurt Jessica’s feelings by not telling her about Drew. And he wished he could take that back.

But it was too late now.

He’d explain to her later—once this was all over. He really didn’t tell women about Drew. Drew was precious. He was a part of his life he kept protected, tucked away. And he had intended to tell Jessica about him. He’d just wanted to wait a little longer until he was sure they might have some kind of a chance at a relationship.

A relationship? Where had that come from?

He hadn’t had a real ‘relationship’ since he’d broken up with Drew’s mother. But Jessica was different. She was Jessica. His Jess. Someone he’d known a lifetime ago. And someone he hoped he could trust around his son.

Someone he could introduce to his son without wondering about other motives. Whether they might only really be interested in him, and not his son. Whether they might only be interested in dating a firefighter. Or some other crazy reason.

There wouldn’t be any of that with Jess.

Jessica was a paediatrician. She must love kids. Why else do this job?

And she’d been interested in him when he’d been a pre-university student with no idea about his potential career prospects. So he didn’t need to worry about that.

Drew opened his eyes and stared at him. ‘Where did the nice lady go?’ he murmured.

‘She’ll be back soon. She’s going to make your tummy better.’

‘Is she? Oh, good.’ His eyelids flickered shut again.

He’d make it up to Jess.

He would. And he’d try to get to the bottom of the haunted look in her eyes.

He just had to get his son through this first.

Jess pressed her head against the cool white tiles in the theatre changing room. It was no use. She couldn’t take the burning sensation out of her skin.

Thank goodness this place was empty. As soon as she’d slammed the door behind her the tears had started to fall.

It was so unfair. Callum had a son the same age as Lewis. Or the age Lewis would have been if he’d survived. A little boy he got to cuddle every day. To read stories to.

What kind of conversations did a five-year-old have with their parent when they were lying in bed at night, talking about their day?

A little boy he’d got to dress in his school uniform and photograph on his first day of school.

All the memories that Jess wished she had.

All the memories she’d been cheated out of.

Just when she’d thought she was getting better.

Just when she’d thought she could finally take a few steps forward.

Of course she had friends who had children the same age as Lewis would have been. She hadn’t cut them out of her life. She couldn’t do that.

She was a paediatrician, for goodness’ sake. She couldn’t spend her life avoiding children of a certain age. That would be ridiculous.

But sometimes it was difficult. And they were good enough friends to sense that. To know when to hold her close. To know when to give her a little space. It was a difficult path, a careful balance.

But this was different.

This was Callum.

An old friend, who was evoking a whole host of memories.

First Callum had appeared in her life. Then he had kissed her.

He’d raised her hopes, given her a glimmer of expectation that there might be something else out there.

And now this.

She was hurt. She was upset.

Upset that Callum hadn’t told her about his son.

But the horrible coiling feeling in her stomach was something else.

She was jealous.

Jealous that Callum had a son and she didn’t.

It was horrible realisation.

She’d seen the interaction between them. The stress in Callum’s face when he was worried sick about his son. The slight tremor in his hand after she’d explained the surgery and the possible complications and he’d signed the consent form. The trust in his little boy’s eyes, for him, and, more worryingly, for her.

She gave herself a shake. Children looked at her like that all the time.

The doctor who could make them better. The doctor who could take their pain away.

So why was it different that this was Callum’s son?

An appendectomy was routine to her. Even though Drew’s appendix was on the opposite side of his body. It shouldn’t complicate the procedure for her. It was just a little unusual.

Maybe it was something else?

Callum was trusting her. Trusting her with his son.

And although she was worthy of that trust, it terrified her.

Because she knew what it was like to lose a child.

Other people in this world had lost a child. Other parents in this hospital had lost—or would lose—a child. She’d had the horrible job of losing paediatric patients and dealing with the bereaved parents herself.