Snowbound With The Single Dad

But this felt very different.

No one in her circle of friends had lost a child.

She wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Ever.

No parent should outlive their child.

No parent should spend the rest of their life looking at the calendar and marking off all the milestones that their child had missed.

She started to open packs and change, putting on a fresh set of theatre scrubs and tucking her hair up into the pink theatre cap. She had to get her head away from those thoughts. She had to get her head back into surgeon mode.

She walked through to Theatre and nodded to the anaesthetist, who was poised ready to start scrubbing at the sink.

Her registrar appeared at her side. ‘I was just looking at the chest X-ray of the little boy for the appendectomy. Fascinating, I’ve never seen a case of situs inversus before—have you?’

She shook her head. ‘No, I haven’t.’

Alex started scrubbing next to her.

He was staring ahead at the blank wall as he started automatically scrubbing his hands, nails and wrists. ‘I’ll probably never see one again in my career. This might be interesting to write up.’ He turned sideways, ‘Can’t there be complications in these kids? Heart defects and other problems? Some kind of syndrome?’

He was starting to annoy her now. He was clinically excellent, but a little too removed from his patients for Jessica’s liking. In her book caring was an essential component of being a paediatrician.

‘Yes, there can be a syndrome—Kartagener syndrome. People with situs inversus may have an underlying condition called primary ciliary dyskinesia. If they have both they are said to have Kartagener syndrome.’ She started scrubbing her nails with a little more ferocity. Just what she needed—a registrar who permanently thought the glass was half-empty.

She preferred the other approach—the glass half-full approach. Especially when it came to children.

‘You know, Alex, I’ve got a really sick little boy out there. His dad only brought him to our A and E department because he’s a friend of mine, and the GP has been fobbing off his son’s symptoms for days.’ She shook her hands to get rid of some of the water then started to dry them on a sterile towel.

‘I’d like you to think about that before we start. I’d like you to stop thinking about this little boy as a case for a medical journal. Think about him as a little boy who loves playing football, watching cartoons and eating chocolate cereal for breakfast. Think about him as the light of someone’s life. Because the patient comes before the disease in every set of circumstances.’

She pointed to the door.

‘Out there we have a father who is worried sick about his little boy. And even though I’ve been clear with him and given him the rundown of the surgery and the complications, he’s sitting out there right now, wondering if his little kid will have peritonitis, develop septicaemia or be the one in a million who will have a reaction to anaesthetic.’

The theatre nurse came over and held out her gown for her. She thrust her arms into the sleeves and snapped her gloves in place. ‘So let’s make sure that I don’t have to go out there and give him any bad news.’

She glared at him and stalked over to the theatre table.

You could have heard a pin drop.

She knew she’d been harsh.

She never acted like that at work.

And the staff in here all knew her personal set of circumstances. They understood exactly where she was coming from.

Harry Shaw, the elderly anaesthetist—who stood in as Father Christmas every year with his grey hair and beard—gave her a smile.

His voice was low. ‘You can do this, Jess.’ He gave a little nod of his head. ‘It’ll be a walk in the park.’

She watched as the trolley was wheeled in. She could only pray it would be.

CHAPTER NINE

‘WOW—JUST WOW.’

‘What are you talking about, Pauline?’

The sister from ITU gave her a smile and pointed behind her at the delivery guy, who could barely be seen beneath the beautiful spray of pink, purple and orange gerberas. Jess was on her feet in an instant, reaching up and touching one of the petals. ‘Aren’t they gorgeous?’

Pauline was quicker, pulling the card from the top of the bouquet. She spun it around. ‘Hmm…“For Dr Jessica Rae.”’ She held the card next to her chest as Jess reached over to snatch it. ‘I wonder who these could be from?’ She took a few steps away. ‘I’m guessing Mr Tall, Dark and Very, Very Handsome. Otherwise known as Callum Kennedy.’

Jess felt her cheeks flush. ‘Stop it!’ She grabbed the card, putting it into her pocket without reading it.

Pauline tutted. ‘I’m disappointed. He’s a member of the emergency services, he should know better.’

‘Know better about what?’

Pauline waved her hand. ‘That we don’t allow flowers in ITU.’

Jessica accepted the huge bunch of flowers and gave Pauline a smile. ‘But these flowers aren’t for ITU, these flowers are for me.’ She pushed open the door to her office and placed them on her desk. ‘Wow. Where on earth did he get these at this time of year?’

Pauline stood in the doorway and folded her arms over her chest. ‘Must have paid a pretty penny for them.’ She turned on her heel and walked away. ‘It must be love.’

Jessica’s stomach plunged. ‘No, Pauline.’ She pointed at the flowers. ‘These are just a thank-you for looking after Drew.’

‘Honey, a thank-you is a bunch of flowers from a supermarket. An enormous bouquet, delivered by a courier, That’s a whole lot more.’

Jess sank down into the nearest chair. ‘Oh.’

‘Oh? That’s all you can say? Just “Oh”?’ She sat next to Jess.

‘What did the card say?’

Jess bit her lip. Did she really want to get into this conversation? She dug into her pocket again and pulled the card out. Pauline was right, this wasn’t just a thank-you. And she had a sneaking suspicion what it might be.

She read the message.

This was gigantic apology and a thank-you.

‘What is it?’ Pauline leaned forward and touched her hand.

‘It’s an apology.’

‘An apology? What’s Callum got to apologise for?’ Her eyes narrowed, she was automatically moving into protective mode.

‘It’s…it’s awkward.’

‘What’s awkward about it?’

Jess let out a sigh. ‘He didn’t tell me about Drew. The first time I found out was when he brought him in with appendicitis.’

Pauline’s mouth fell open. ‘How long have you known this guy?’

‘Since I was a teenager. But I hadn’t seen him in thirteen years. And I hadn’t kept up with what was going on in his life.’ Her voice dropped. ‘Just like he hasn’t kept up with what’s happened in mine.’

‘You haven’t told him?’ Pauline’s voice was incredulous.

‘It hasn’t come up.’

‘Just like his son didn’t come up?’

Jess put her head in her hands and leaned on the desk. ‘This is a mess.’

‘Yes. It is.’ Pauline never pulled her punches. It was one of the things that Jessica liked best about her.

She placed her hand at the side of her face. ‘So, this guy—who you used to know thirteen years ago—and you only met again a few days ago, and brought his son to A and E, even though he hadn’t told you about him?’

Jessica nodded.

‘He brought his sick son to see you.’ She emphasised the word strongly. ‘Even though he knew that might make you mad. Even though he knew you might have a thousand questions. It was more important that he thought about the health of his child and—after seeing you in action—brought him to see a doctor he trusted with the health of his son. Doesn’t that tell you what you need to know?’

Jessica flopped her head back into her hands. Someone else saying the words out loud made it all seem so much more straightforward. So much simpler.

She felt Pauline’s hand on her back. ‘Jess, what is it that you want?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I mean, what are you ready for? I thought it was time for you—time to take some steps and move on. Callum seemed like a good idea. But maybe he’s got as much baggage as you do.’

‘And if he does?’

Pauline rolled her eyes. ‘You need to think about this, Jessica. What do you want?’ She pointed to the flowers. ‘Are you ready to accept Callum’s apology and whatever else that might mean?’

‘I don’t know. I mean I’m not sure. I was hurt that he didn’t tell me about his son.’

‘And what about Drew?’

‘What do you mean?’

Pauline moved her hand to her shoulder. ‘Look at me, Jess. I’m going to ask a hard question. How do you feel about having a relationship with someone who has a son?’

Jess’s head landed back on the desk. ‘I don’t know. I mean, I really don’t know. Drew’s lovely. He’s a great little boy. I’ve spent a little time with him on the surgical ward. He’s made a good recovery and he’s ready for discharge.’

‘Is he ready for you?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Do you and Callum actually talk to each other? Where’s Drew’s mother? She hasn’t been to visit. She isn’t named on the consent form.’ Pauline dropped her voice and said almost hesitantly, ‘Is she dead?’

‘No. I don’t think so. When I asked Callum to sign the consent he said something about Drew’s mother being in America and him having full custody. I’m not really sure what happened there. I know she’s been on the phone to the ward staff a few times every day.’

‘Ah, so there’s no other woman to get in the way?’

‘Pauline!’

She smiled at Jessica. ‘So what? I’m being a little mercenary. I have a friend to think about.’

Jessica’s eyes drifted over to the flowers. They were beautiful and the irony of the blooms wasn’t lost on her. Gerberas were her favourite flowers—had been for years. She was surprised that Callum had even remembered that, but there was something nice about the fact that he had.

She stood up quickly. ‘I need to go for a few minutes.’ She looked about the unit. ‘Is everything okay in here? Do you need me to see anyone before I go?’

Pauline shook her head. ‘Everything’s fine and, don’t worry, I’ll look after your flowers for you.’

Jessica rolled her eyes and hurried down the corridor. She glanced at her watch. Although the hospital allowed parents to stay with their children at all times, most parents went away for an hour or so each day to freshen up and change their clothes.

The surgical ward had been a no-go area for the last few days. Callum was there constantly with His son. Just as she would have expected.

She’d had to review Drew a few times every day. His recovery was going well and it was likely she would discharge him today.

But every time she’d been anywhere in the vicinity Callum had tried to speak to her. She’d fobbed him off as best she could. The flowers were the biggest message yet that he was determined to apologise and pursue this.

She just wasn’t sure how she felt.

Her stomach churned as she walked down the ward. It was ridiculous. She spent all day, every day in the presence of kids. Why on earth would this little boy be any different?

Because he was Callum’s.

Because this could be something entirely different.

If only she could be ready for it.

Drew had a little DVD player on his lap and was watching the latest Disney movie. Although he had his clothes on, the curtains were pulled around his bed and lights in the room dimmed. Most children who’d undergone an anaesthetic took a few days to recover fully. A nap time in the afternoon was common—and when most of the parents took their chance to go home, shower and change.

‘Hi, Drew.’ Jessica took the opportunity to sit down next to his bed. ‘What are you watching?’

He turned the screen around to show her. She nodded in approval.

‘So, how are you feeling?’

‘I’m good. When can I go back to mini-kickers?’

She wrinkled her nose. ‘Is that some kind of football?’

He nodded. ‘I go every week with my friend Joe. I love mini-kickers. It’s my favourite.’

‘Well, we can’t have you missing your favourite for long. Lie back and let me have a little look at your tummy.’

His wound was healing well. The edges were sealed and there was no sign of infection.

‘This is looking great, Drew. The stitches that I used will disappear on their own. But you also have some stitches inside your tummy and if you do too much, too quickly, then it can hurt.’

‘Tomorrow?’ He was serious. His little face was watching her closely.

So this was how a five-year-old boy thought. Couldn’t see past the football. There was something so endearing about that.

She laughed. ‘No. Not tomorrow. Maybe two weeks—if you’re feeling okay. Do you like school? Because if you do, it will be all right to go back to school next week.’

He wrinkled his nose. ‘School’s okay. I like school dinner. Mrs Brown makes the best custard.’ He leant forward and whispered in her ear. ‘The custard here isn’t nearly as good.’

‘Really? I always thought the custard here was quite good.’

He shook his head and gave her a look of disgust. ‘Oh, no. Mrs Brown’s custard is much better.’

He was a lovely little boy, with Callum’s searing green eyes and a real determined edge about him. They were so alike she could have picked him out from a room filled with a hundred kids.

‘What’s your favourite subject at school?’

It was something that preyed on her mind from time to time. She’d often wondered what her own son would have enjoyed most at school.

‘Dinosaurs or volcanoes.’ Drew was absolutely definite about what he liked. He tilted his head to one side. ‘And I quite like the sticky tray.’

‘The sticky tray? What’s that?’

‘For making things. I was making a Christmas card for my dad a few days ago at school. I’ve picked blue card and I was sticking a snowman on the front.’

‘Ah.’ Jess gave a smile. ‘What were you using for the snowman? Was it some cotton wool—like the kind we have in here?’

‘Yes. It got kind of messy. the glue stuck to my hands and then the cotton wool got all puffy.’ His face was all screwed up, as if he was remembering the mess he’d made.

Jessica leaned across the bed. ‘It doesn’t matter if you made a mess. I’m sure your dad will love it.’

‘But I’m not finished yet. I still need to put some glitter on. I want to put some stars in the sky.’

‘And that will be gorgeous, Drew. Then it’s my job to get you back to school so you can finish it.’

Drew shook his head. ‘That one got a bit messy. Can’t you help me make another one?’

Jess hesitated. Everything in her head was screaming no.

She was a hospital consultant. She had a hundred other things to be doing right now.

But for the strangest reason none of them seemed particularly important. Here was an opportunity to do something nice. To do the first real Christmassy thing she’d done in…goodness knew how long.

She hadn’t even put her Christmas decorations up for the last three years. It had hardly seemed worthwhile when she wasn’t really in the mood. They were lying stuffed in a box in her loft somewhere. Maybe she should think about pulling them out.

She smiled at Drew. Yes, she could go and ask one of the play advisors to come and help Drew make a card.

But he had a really hopeful look in those green eyes. How could she possibly say no?

She walked over to one of the play cabinets and pulled out a drawer. The hospital’s own kind of sticky tray. She lifted up the vast array of coloured card and fanned it out like a rainbow in her hand. ‘What colour card would you like?’

Callum strode down the corridor. He hadn’t meant to be so long. But three nights of sleeping in a hospital chair did strange things to your body.

He’d stepped out of the shower and had only meant to sit down for a few seconds at home. The next thing he knew he had a crick in his neck and was hopping about the place, trying to get dressed in the space of five seconds.

If he was lucky, today would be the day he got to take his son home. And as much as he liked going to the hospital and getting to see Jessica every day, he’d much rather have his son safe at home.

He’d promised Drew’s mother that they could Skype tonight. She usually did it every week with Drew and had been annoyed that she hadn’t been able to see him while he’d been unwell.

It was just as well children were so resilient. Drew had seemed to get over his mother’s abandonment within a matter of weeks. Probably because he’d been surrounded by people who loved him. But Callum could never forget the impact it had had on his son. What kind of a woman did that?

He turned the corner, ready to head into Drew’s room, and stopped dead.

It was a sight he’d never expected to see.

Drew looked nothing like the child he’d been a few days ago, pale-faced and in pain. Today he had colour in his cheeks and sparkle in his eyes.

Drew and Jessica. Paint was everywhere. Cotton wool was everywhere. Glitter was everywhere, including smudged all along Jessica’s cheekbones. But most importantly Drew was smiling, Drew was laughing. His attention was totally focused on Jessica. And the way he was looking at her…

It tugged right at Callum’s heartstrings. Kirsten, his ex-wife, had never been the most maternal woman in the world. And since she’d left Drew had never really had a female presence in his life, that female contact. Sure, there were his friends Julie and Blair, and Julie was fabulous with Drew. But he didn’t see her every day—didn’t have that kind of relationship with her.

This was the first time he’d realised what his son had been missing out on.

He felt a sharp pain in his stomach. He’d always felt as if introducing Drew to any of his girlfriends would have been confusing for a little boy. Taking things a step too far. He wanted to protect Drew from all of that. And to be truthful he’d never been that serious about any of them. He couldn’t stand the thought of different women yo-yoing in and out of his son’s life.

Then there was that lingering dread of introducing Drew to another woman, only for her to change her mind and speed off into the sunset, leaving him to pick up the pieces.

But maybe he had been wrong? Maybe he’d been cheating his son out of so much more.

Jess seemed so at ease with his son. But, then, she should, she was a paediatrician, she loved kids. It was the field she’d chosen to work in.

It made him even more curious. Why didn’t Jess have kids of her own? It was obvious she would be a natural.

It almost seemed a shame to interrupt this happy scene, but he had to. He wanted to know if he could take his son home. He cleared his throat loudly. ‘What’s going on in here?’

Drew’s eyes widened in shock. ‘Hide them, Dr Rae! Hide them!’ He cupped his hands over whatever it was he’d been making.

Jess jumped to her feet and stood in front of the table they were sitting at, opening up her coat to block his view. She gave Callum a wink then turned her head over her shoulder towards Drew. ‘It’s okay. He can’t see a thing. Put them in the envelopes now.’

There was the loud sound of shuffling behind Jessica’s back, along with little-boy squeals of excitement.

But Callum was kind of stuck in the view right in front of his eyes. Jess was wearing a red woollen dress, which clung to her every curve, leaving nothing to his imagination. He was kind of glad that her white coat normally covered this view. He didn’t want everyone else seeing what he could.

Jess sparkled. Literally. Blue and silver glitter along her cheekbones.

He lifted his thumb up and touched her cheek. ‘You got a little something on here.’ He brushed along her cheekbone then his fingers rested under her chin. He half expected her to flinch and move away, but she didn’t. She stood still, fixing him with her deep brown eyes.

A man could get lost in eyes like that.

If he wanted to.

He stared down at his thumb. ‘Is this a bit of a give-away?’

She shook her head and glanced over her shoulder again. ‘How are you doing, Drew? Nearly done?’

Drew held up two giant white envelopes, looking ever so pleased with himself. ‘Done!’

He stood up, but stayed behind Jessica, putting his hands on her hips and sticking his head around. ‘Wait till you see what I’ve made you, Daddy.’

Callum knelt down. ‘I can’t wait. I’m hoping we can go home some time today. What do you think, Dr Rae?’

Jess brushed her hair back from her face, leaving traces of glitter everywhere, including shimmering in the air between them. ‘Oh, wow! I guess we went all out with the glitter, then.’

‘I guess you did.’ She was still smiling at him. Not avoiding him. And not avoiding Drew. Did this mean she’d finally forgiven him? She might give them a chance at…something?

‘What do you think, Doc? Is Drew ready for discharge?’

He could almost see the silent switch—the move back into doctor mode. ‘Yes, I think he is. His wound is healing well. We’ve done a few other tests—an ECG and an ultrasound of his heart. There’s been no sign of any problems.’ Her face became serious and the smile disappeared for a few seconds.

‘Right now I’m assuming that Drew’s situs inversus in straightforward. But I understand you might want to talk to someone about it. So, even though I don’t think Drew will need any kind of follow-up, I’ve asked for one of the other consultants who specialises in genetic conditions to give you an appointment so you can discuss any concerns that you have.’

Callum pulled back a little. ‘But why? Can’t I just talk to you?’ The words she was saying made sense, but that didn’t mean that he liked them.

She shook her head. ‘I don’t think that’s a good idea. I performed Drew’s emergency surgery, but I probably have a conflict of interest here.’

He raised his eyebrows. ‘A conflict of interest, what does that mean?’

‘You know what that means, Callum.’

‘But you must have treated a friend’s kid before?’

She nodded slowly and stepped a little closer, lowering her voice and glancing in the direction of Drew. He’d become bored by their chatting and was now doing a jigsaw at one of the nearby tables.

‘Yes, I have treated children of friends before—but usually only in an emergency. I wouldn’t willingly be the paediatrician for any of my friends’ kids. It crosses too many boundaries—complicates things and leads to confusion all round.’ She tilted her head to the side and gave him a little smile. ‘I’m sure you understand.’

‘Actually, I don’t.’ He folded his arms across his chest.

‘What do you mean?’

‘Friends. Is that what we are?’

‘Of course.’

He didn’t like it. He didn’t like it at all. It didn’t matter that the concept of only being friends with Jess had circulated in his mind for days.

In the cold hard light of day he didn’t like that.

He wanted more.

He wanted to be more than friends.

The kiss had started something.

No. That was rubbish. Something had started more than thirteen years ago.

There was unfinished business between them.

‘What if I don’t want us to be friends?’

Her head shot up. ‘What?’ There was that fleeting look across her face again. She was hurt. But she wasn’t getting his implication. She was thinking he didn’t even want to be friends. Not that he wanted something more. It was time to put that right.

He stepped closer and placed his hand on her hip. ‘What if I wanted us to be more than that?’

Her pupils widened and her tongue shot out and licked her lips. Her eyes darted to the side, obviously to see if anyone was watching. He pressed his fingers a little more firmly into her hip, pulling her closer to him.

Drew hadn’t even noticed what they were doing, he was still engrossed in his jigsaw.

‘I’m not entirely sure what you mean,’ she murmured.

‘Truth be told—neither am I.’