Snowbound With The Single Dad

A few little bodies shifted under the starched white hospital sheets and coloured blankets. Almost everyone was sleeping—unusual for a children’s ward—with only a few little murmurs here and there. Alongside most of the beds were chairs and stools with an array of uncomfortable parents trying to catch a few hours’ sleep as they watched over their children.

Jessica padded along the ward in her soft-soled shoes. She loved Christmas in the children’s ward. Although most people in her circumstances would want to avoid this place, it was actually the one place at this time of year that gave her a little solace.

There were always people worse off than you.

Actually, no there weren’t. No parent should outlive their child.

Here, in the ward, she felt safe. Everyone knew what had happened. No one asked awkward questions. If she needed a few moments on her own, she got them.

If she needed to be amongst people and in company, it was here.

If she needed to feel of value, there was no doubt she was needed here. There was always a little one to cuddle. There was always a parent to talk to in the quiet hours of night—to give some kind of explanation, to give some kind of comfort.

Mostly, she just liked to watch the kids sleeping.

There was nothing more comforting than watching a child sleep.

Tonight she was watching Grace Flynn, a seven-year-old with a rare form of aggressive bowel cancer. She’d had her tumours operated on twice.

Grace was a beautiful child. She wanted to be a ballerina, or an air hostess, or a teacher. She changed her mind every day. But she was becoming frailer and frailer with every visit. The chemotherapy and radiotherapy were having ravaging effects on her body. The surgeries were taking their toll. The battle was becoming harder and harder.

So tonight she was taking a little pleasure in watching Grace sleep. Watching the rise and fall of her little chest.

Moments like this always pained her. What was worse? Your child dying suddenly, with no chance to say goodbye, or dying slowly, painfully right before your eyes?

Her brain couldn’t even begin to compare those issues. All she knew was that she would do everything in her power to help Grace and her parents.

Hopefully Grace would be able to be discharged home with her family tomorrow and get to spend Christmas at home.

She would love that. She might be the model patient but she always had a smile on her face when she was discharged home.

Jessica walked down the corridor, watching the twinkling lights on the windows and appreciating the stillness of the ward.

It wasn’t always quiet in here. Some nights it went like a fair. Some nights she didn’t even see the inside of her on-call room. Then there were other nights like tonight.

She sat down at the nurses’ station and tapped a few keys on the computer, bringing up the file of one of the kids admitted earlier. She would never have been able to sleep anyway.

Images of Callum were currently swimming around in her brain.

It was the oddest of feelings.

Because she didn’t know how she felt.

For the last few years she’d been sad. She’d worked hard to put one foot in front of the other and try and come out the other side. And now she finally felt as if she’d reached a plateau.

She didn’t cry non-stop any more. She didn’t spend every day wishing she didn’t need to get out of bed. She wasn’t insanely jealous of every woman pushing a stroller in the street.

Oh, she still had moments when things crept up on her and caught her unawares. When she needed a few minutes to gather herself or to wipe the stray tear that appeared on her face.

But things had eased. It was still the first thing she thought about every morning and the last thing she thought about at night. But it didn’t fill her every waking moment of the day any more. She’d allowed herself to think about other things. To care a little about other things.

And work was her biggest comfort. It helped her tick along. It gave her a sense of purpose. A little confidence that she did have a life worth living.

Then something like this happened.

A blast from the past, totally unexpected. Totally unprepared for.

Callum was evoking a whole host of memories. Most of which were good. Some of which were distinctly edged with tinges of pink—the way all teenage first-love memories were.

It was a little unsettling. Not just seeing Callum but the whole host of what-ifs that had her flooded her mind afterwards—some of which had permeated her dreams.

What if she’d married Callum? What would her life have been like? Would they still have been together after all this time?

She tried to push the thoughts away. It felt disloyal. Disloyal to the memory of her husband, Daniel, and her little boy, Lewis.

Daniel had been the love of her life. She’d been blissfully happy. she’d thought they’d grow old together. She’d expected them to grow old together.

But as much as she’d loved Daniel, the loss of Lewis was even worse. As if someone had ripped her heart right out of her chest and squeezed it until every last drop of blood was gone.

The pain had almost killed her.

Maybe that was why her brain was drifting into unchartered territories. If she’d stayed with Callum, Daniel and Lewis would never have featured in her life.

She would never have suffered such torment and hurt at their loss. She wouldn’t have found herself wondering if she wanted to go on. To live a life without them.

Maybe Callum was a safe memory.

She opened her eyes, looking around to see if anyone had noticed her hunched over the keyboard. Two of the nurses were standing at the door of one of the rooms but they hadn’t noticed a thing.

Her pager sounded and she was on her feet instantly. ITU. She had three kids in there right now. The baby with chickenpox and Marcus and Lily from the accident. She started saying silent prayers in her head as she walked swiftly down the corridor. She looked around. It was the dead of night and there was no one else about so she took off. her soft running footsteps echoed up and down the passages of the long building until she reached the doors and squirted her hands with gel before entering.

The doors swung open. The steady whoosh-whoosh of the ventilators was the first thing that she heard whenever she stepped inside. In most instances it was a soothing sound, often not reflecting the serious condition of the patients inside. She took a quick look around the unit. It was brighter than the rest of the hospital, even though some of lights were dimmed.

She recognised a figure next to Lily’s bed and walked over quickly. Pauline, the sister in ITU, was great. She’d been there for ten years, had a whole wealth of experience and, more importantly, good instincts. Jessica trusted her judgement, and she also valued her friendship. She’d been a pillar of strength for Jess in the last few years.

‘What’s up, Pauline?’

Pauline shook her head. ‘She’s gone from bradycardic and hypothermic to the opposite. Tachycardic and high temp. Isn’t it amazing how kids go from one extreme to the other?’

Jessica cast her eyes over the monitor. Thirty-six hours ago Lily had had a heart rate of fifty and now it was one hundred and sixty. ‘Darn it. The ECMO should be keeping her heart rate and temperature steady. She must have an infection somewhere. How’s her suctioning been?’

Pauline’s lips pressed together. She hated it as much as Jess did when kids got sicker. ‘She’s been suctioned every four hours and there’s been no increase in her secretions.’

Jessica rolled her shoulders back, trying to relieve the tension in her neck and shoulders. Everyone knew that ECMO could have complications—bleeding, infections, neurological damage and kidney damage.

Jessica unwound the pink stethoscope from her neck. ‘I’ll have a little listen to her chest. It was clear earlier and her chest X-ray was fine, but you know how things can change.’

She placed her stethoscope on Lily’s little chest and listened for a few seconds then frowned. ‘I can hear crackles in her lungs. Can I have her chart? I’ll get her started on IV antibiotics right away.’ She scribbled on the chart handed to her. ‘Are you okay to make these up or do you want me to do it?’

Most of the nurses in ITU had extended roles. The IV antibiotics could be sent up from the hospital pharmacy but that would take time. Time that Lily essentially didn’t have. Pauline nodded her head. ‘It’s fine. I’ll do it. It will only take a few minutes.’

Jessica continued to make a few notes. ‘I’m asking for another chest X-ray. I want to see if there’s any change from this morning. And I’ll be about for the next few hours. Let me know if you have any concerns.’

‘Not planning on having any sleep tonight, Jess? You know that’s not good for you.’ There was concern in Pauline’s voice. And it was sincere—she always tried to look out for Jess.

Jess just gave her a little smile and kept writing. Sometimes she just liked to keep her head down.

‘I meant to ask you, how do you know Callum?’

The question took her by surprise. she felt on guard, even with a woman she’d always trusted. But Pauline’s face was open and friendly. ‘Callum Kennedy?’ she asked.

‘Yeah, the fireman—the rope rescue guy. He was on the phone earlier, enquiring after the kids. He knows we can’t give him any specific details. He just wanted to check everything was okay. Apparently he was in yesterday too. The staff say he’s gorgeous.’

Callum was in here yesterday? Why hadn’t she known that? ‘What did he say?’

Pauline’s eyebrows rose. ‘He said you went way back—that you were old friends.’

She was obviously piquing Pauline’s interest, and it made her wish she hadn’t asked. Jessica felt the colour flare into her cheeks. What on earth was wrong with her? Callum was a good-looking guy and in a gossip hive like a hospital it was obvious people would comment.

Pauline was still talking as she adjusted the controls on Lily’s monitors. ‘Even David knows him. Says he’s played five-a-side football against him. Apparently he’s single.’ She gave a little laugh. ‘He also says the firefighter football team are a bunch of break-your-leg animals. He says he always volunteers to be goalie when they play against them.’

David. The solitary male staff nurse in ITU who was usually the butt of everyone’s jokes. Just as well he was fit for it. He always gave as good as he got. And it was good to have a male in a predominantly female environment. Some babies responded better to a male voice—even seemed to be soothed by it.

And he always told any little boy who woke up scared and ventilated in ITU that the same thing had happened to him as a kid.

Some people were just destined to work with children.

Then again, David had just given her a vital piece of information. Callum was single. It seemed ridiculous. He was a gorgeous man, with a good job, and was fun to be around. Women would be beating a path to his door. Why on earth was he single? And, more importantly, why would she care?

‘Jess? What’s wrong?’

‘Nothing. Nothing’s wrong.’ She could hardly look Pauline in the eye. Pauline was too perceptive by half. Her cheeks were practically bursting. She felt like some crazy teenager again.

‘Jess, honey, no one would ever dare say these words to you. But I will because I care about you. Things are looking easier for you, Jess. Your mood has lifted, you don’t have quite as many dark circles under your eyes. And once you start eating again…’

‘What do you mean, Pauline?’

Pauline bit her lip. ‘I mean that if you and Callum have history, good history, that might be a good thing.’ She hesitated then continued, ‘It might be something to embrace instead of run away from.’

‘You think I run away from things?’

Pauline reached over and touched her arm. ‘I think that you’re ready. I think it might be time to start living your life again. I think it might be time to lift your head above the parapet and see what’s out there. Whether that’s Callum or someone else.’ She gave Jess’s arm a little squeeze. ‘The next step will be hard, Jess. It might be easier if you took it with someone you used to know.’

She looked at Pauline’s hand on her arm. The same place that Callum had touched her. The touch that had made every tiny hair on her arm stand on end and little unfamiliar sparks shoot up her arm. It had felt odd.

She wasn’t sure how she felt about any of this. She’d spent a long time with one man and the thought of another—even one who was familiar—was alien to her. There was still that burning edge of disloyalty. Right now she couldn’t even consider that Callum could be anything but a friend. No matter how her body reacted to him. It didn’t help that her confidence was at an all-time low.

She caught a glimpse of her reflection in one of the windows in ITU. She hardly recognised herself these days. Even she was aware of how thin she was.

She’d once been proud of her figure. She’d liked the glow about her skin. But all that had been lost in the last three years. She barely even looked in a mirror any more. She got her hair cut when it took too long to dry in the mornings. She only put make-up on to stop people commenting on how pale she looked. What man could ever find her attractive now?

‘It’s only work, Pauline, nothing else.’ The sadness in her voice surprised even her. Why were thoughts like this even entering her mind?

‘But maybe it could be something else?’ Pauline had raised her eyebrows and there was a hopeful tone in her voice.

Everything about this made her uncomfortable.

‘If it hadn’t been for the accident, our paths would never have crossed again. It’s just some crazy coincidence. Callum isn’t interested in me.’

‘Isn’t he? Well, he apparently asked after you while he was in.’

‘He did?’ She hated the way her heart had given a little jolt at those words.

Pauline finished checking the controls on the ECMO machine and recorded them in the log. ‘Yes. He did.’ She stared at Jess. ‘All I’m saying is there’s a world of possibilities out there. Just leave yourself open to a few.’ She hung the chart at the end of the bed and moved across to the next patient.

Jessica gazed at her reflection in the glass. A world of possibilities.

How on earth would she cope with those?

CHAPTER SIX

CALLUM WAS BORED. Bored rigid.

He usually liked coming to study days. There was always something new to learn in his job and some networking to be done. But this guy had been droning on for what seemed like hours. It felt like he was saying the same sentence over and over again. It didn’t matter that the clock had only moved on ninety minutes, it felt like groundhog day.

The door at the back of the auditorium opened and he heard a little murmur around him, accompanied by the sound of over a hundred firefighters straightening up all at once. He turned sideways, trying to see what had caused that effect. Had the chief officer just come into the room?

No. It wasn’t the chief officer. It was a woman with caramel-coloured hair and a sway to her step. His mouth fell open. Jess?

All of a sudden he was paying attention to what the man at the front of the room was saying. ‘Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like you to welcome Dr Jessica Rae. She’s a paediatrician at Parkhill, the children’s hospital in Glasgow.’

Callum tore his eyes away from Jessica for a moment—something none of the other men in the room were doing—to look at his programme. It had someone else’s name on it for the next lecture.

‘Dr Rae is filling in for Dr Shepherd, who had an unexpected family emergency today. We’re very grateful that she could find the time to step in for us. Dr Rae will be talking to us about paediatric smoke inhalation and immediate treatment.’

Callum watched as Jessica walked to the front of the room. Her hair was shining and resting in curls on her shoulders. And she was dressed cleverly in layers to hide how thin she was, and in bright colours to complement her skin tone.

‘Hey, Callum, isn’t that the lady doc from the minibus accident?’ the firefighter sitting next to him whispered.

‘Yes, it is.’ He still hadn’t taken his eyes from her. She was wearing a bright blue dress that was draped and gathered at the front. She looked good. She had more colour about her face today and was wearing bright lipstick.

‘Wow. She looks gorgeous.’ He turned and squinted at Callum, in the way only a friend could. ‘Didn’t you say you knew her from years gone by?’

Callum shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He knew exactly what was going on in Frank’s head. ‘Yeah. She’s an old friend.’

Frank let out the lowest of whistles. ‘Wish my old friends looked like that.’

The hackles at the back of Callum’s neck immediately rose. Frank was only voicing what every appreciative man in the room was thinking. But that didn’t mean that he liked it. He wanted to put a cocoon around Jess and protect her. Hide her away from the leering glances.

He hadn’t seen her in more than a week and, boy, was she a sight for sore eyes. The fact that thought had sprung into his mind alarmed him. Why, all of a sudden, was he annoyed by the fact that other men found her attractive? What right did he have to feel like that?

More than once this week his hand had hovered over the phone, thinking of a reason to phone Jess again. Looking for any excuse just to speak to her.

But then his rational side had kicked in and brought him back into reality.

Too bad reality was looking kind of blurry right now.

Jess stood up at the podium and looked around the room. When her eyes rested on Callum he saw her give a little start, before she gave him a nervous smile.

‘Hi, folks. I recognise some of the faces in here today because unfortunately, in our lines of business, our paths frequently cross.’ She pressed a button and the presentation appeared on the wall behind her. ‘I’m going to give you some up-to-date information on the best things you can do for a child with smoke inhalation.’ She lifted her hand and gestured around the auditorium. ‘I’m sure it’s something you’ve all had to deal with.’

Jessica was confident at work. She was in control. That much was clearly evident. She could probably have done this presentation with her eyes shut. And it was nice to see her that way.

Her voice was steady and clear. ‘We don’t expect any of you to do anything more than the most basic first aid. I’m sure you’re all aware that the paramedics and ambulances aren’t always on scene immediately, so my job today is to give you enough information to feel confident in your first responses.’

She lifted her hand, pressed a button on the remote and the screen behind her changed. Then she turned back and gave the room a dazzling smile. ‘Now, let’s begin.’

It was officially the quickest thirty minutes of her life. She hadn’t hesitated that morning when a colleague had asked her to cover for him. As a paediatric consultant at a teaching hospital she was often asked to give lectures to medical students and people in other disciplines. This was a walk in the park for her.

If only there wasn’t a great big distraction right in the middle of the room.

Callum was definitely the proverbial elephant in the room today.

She spent the whole thirty minutes trying to avoid looking at him. She was sure that if she caught a glimpse of his green eyes she wouldn’t be able to concentrate at all.

It was strange. She should have felt happy that there was a friend in the room, but instead she felt almost like a student undergoing an examination. It was just as well the firefighters went easy on her and there were only a few questions at the end. That was the beauty of talking just before the coffee break—no one wanted to hang around for long.

As soon as she’d finished the room emptied quickly. Her heart started to thud. Would Callum leave without speaking to her? Maybe he had to network with some of his colleagues and wouldn’t have time.

‘Hey, Jess. That was a nice surprise.’ She started at his voice and turned around quickly as someone jostled him from behind and pushed them even closer together. It looked as if it was a stampede towards the strong smell of coffee.

Her hand went up automatically and rested on his chest. She could feel the heat of his body through his thin black shirt. ‘Hey, you too. I didn’t expect to be here. Just filling in for a friend.’

‘What happened?’

‘Mark Shepherd’s wife has cancer. She had a bad reaction to her chemo, so he wanted to stay home with her.’

‘I’m sorry to hear that. How are the kids from the accident doing?’

She raised her eyebrows. ‘You mean you haven’t already phoned today?’

He squirmed. ‘Okay, I admit it. I’m a bit of a stalker.’

She laid her hand on his arm. ‘But only in a good way. We’ve got four still in, but they’re all improving. With kids we just take things one day at a time.’

Callum nodded slowly. He held his elbow out towards her. ‘Have you time for some refreshments before you leave?’

‘Hmm, firefighter coffee. Is it as bad as I think it will be?’

‘Scandalous! We’re very serious about our coffee, and we’re even more serious about our cakes. I can guarantee you a fruit scone.’

‘Something does smell pretty good around here.’ She put her hand through his crooked elbow. ‘Why do I get the impression that you’re trying to fatten me up, Callum?’

He rolled his eyes and pressed his other hand to his chest. ‘Tragedy, you’ve caught me out.’ His face broke into a wide grin. ‘Let’s call it looking out for a friend.’

Her heart gave a little flutter. ‘Friends? Is that what we are again, Callum?’

‘I certainly hope so.’ There was something so nice about the way he’d said those words. Not a moment’s hesitation. He didn’t even need to think about it for a second.

Friends. She liked that word. It felt safe.

They walked across the corridor to the coffee room. The queue had died down a little and she had a little time to peruse the cakes in the glass cabinet. The firefighters certainly did take their coffee seriously. This was an outlet of a popular coffee house, with all their famous tempting products on display.

He placed his arm on the counter and slid a tray in front of her. ‘What can I tempt you with?’

Now, there was a question.

The thoughts that flooded her mind almost made her blush.

‘I’ll have a light caramel latte with two shots and a piece of the banana and nut loaf, please.’ The words were automatic. She was used to ordering in one of these coffee shops—she didn’t need to think twice.

He seemed pleased. Pleased that she didn’t spend forever fretting over what to eat and drink. Patience had never been Callum’s strong point.

They waited a few minutes while the barista made their coffee. ‘How did you manage to wangle a franchise in here?’ she said. ‘I didn’t think it would be allowed.’

He pointed to a sign near the door. ‘Neither did we, but the coffee was getting worse and worse and tempers were fraying. They asked what we wanted and we told them. The profits from this franchise don’t go back into the overall company. We have a ballot every year to decide which charity to support.’

He gave a little shrug. ‘It works in our favour and in theirs. We get to support the charity of our choice, and they get to put us on their website talking about their contributions to charity. It’s good publicity for them.’ She smiled at the poster supporting research into Alzheimer’s disease. ‘Why did you pick that one?’

He picked up the tray and carried it over to a vacant table. ‘We get lots of accidental house fires started by older people with memory problems—putting things in the oven or on the hob and forgetting about them. Some have early signs of Alzheimer’s. We often go out and do community safety visits and fit fire alarms for anyone referred to us. It seemed a natural pick.’ His voice lowered and she could sense the sadness in it. ‘It caused us three fatalities last year.’