Hamlet

prais'd my Lord Such-a-one's horse when he meant to beg it- might

it not?

Horatio. Ay, my lord.

Hamlet. Why, e'en so! and now my Lady Worm's, chapless, and knock'd

about the mazzard with a sexton's spade. Here's fine revolution, 3430

and we had the trick to see't. Did these bones cost no more the

breeding but to play at loggets with 'em? Mine ache to think

on't.

First Clown. [Sings]

A pickaxe and a spade, a spade, 3435

For and a shrouding sheet;

O, a Pit of clay for to be made

For such a guest is meet.

Throws up [another skull].

Hamlet. There's another. Why may not that be the skull of a lawyer? 3440

Where be his quiddits now, his quillets, his cases, his tenures,

and his tricks? Why does he suffer this rude knave now to knock

him about the sconce with a dirty shovel, and will not tell him

of his action of battery? Hum! This fellow might be in's time a

great buyer of land, with his statutes, his recognizances, his 3445

fines, his double vouchers, his recoveries. Is this the fine of

his fines, and the recovery of his recoveries, to have his fine

pate full of fine dirt? Will his vouchers vouch him no more of

his purchases, and double ones too, than the length and breadth

of a pair of indentures? The very conveyances of his lands will 3450

scarcely lie in this box; and must th' inheritor himself have no

more, ha?

Horatio. Not a jot more, my lord.

Hamlet. Is not parchment made of sheepskins?

Horatio. Ay, my lord, And of calveskins too. 3455

Hamlet. They are sheep and calves which seek out assurance in that. I

will speak to this fellow. Whose grave's this, sirrah?

First Clown. Mine, sir.

[Sings] O, a pit of clay for to be made

For such a guest is meet. 3460

Hamlet. I think it be thine indeed, for thou liest in't.

First Clown. You lie out on't, sir, and therefore 'tis not yours.

For my part, I do not lie in't, yet it is mine.

Hamlet. Thou dost lie in't, to be in't and say it is thine. 'Tis for

the dead, not for the quick; therefore thou liest. 3465

First Clown. 'Tis a quick lie, sir; 'twill away again from me to you.

Hamlet. What man dost thou dig it for?

First Clown. For no man, sir.

Hamlet. What woman then?

First Clown. For none neither. 3470

Hamlet. Who is to be buried in't?

First Clown. One that was a woman, sir; but, rest her soul, she's dead.

Hamlet. How absolute the knave is! We must speak by the card, or

equivocation will undo us. By the Lord, Horatio, this three years

I have taken note of it, the age is grown so picked that the toe 3475

of the peasant comes so near the heel of the courtier he galls

his kibe. – How long hast thou been a grave-maker?

First Clown. Of all the days i' th' year, I came to't that day that our

last king Hamlet overcame Fortinbras.

Hamlet. How long is that since? 3480

First Clown. Cannot you tell that? Every fool can tell that. It was the

very day that young Hamlet was born- he that is mad, and sent

into England.

Hamlet. Ay, marry, why was be sent into England?

First Clown. Why, because 'a was mad. 'A shall recover his wits there; 3485

or, if 'a do not, 'tis no great matter there.

Hamlet. Why?

First Clown. 'Twill not he seen in him there. There the men are as mad as

he.

Hamlet. How came he mad? 3490

First Clown. Very strangely, they say.

Hamlet. How strangely?

First Clown. Faith, e'en with losing his wits.

Hamlet. Upon what ground?

First Clown. Why, here in Denmark. I have been sexton here, man and boy 3495

thirty years.

Hamlet. How long will a man lie i' th' earth ere he rot?

First Clown. Faith, if 'a be not rotten before 'a die (as we have many

pocky corses now-a-days that will scarce hold the laying in, I

will last you some eight year or nine year. A tanner will last 3500

you nine year.

Hamlet. Why he more than another?

First Clown. Why, sir, his hide is so tann'd with his trade that 'a will

keep out water a great while; and your water is a sore decayer of

your whoreson dead body. Here's a skull now. This skull hath lien 3505

you i' th' earth three-and-twenty years.

Hamlet. Whose was it?

First Clown. A whoreson, mad fellow's it was. Whose do you think it was?

Hamlet. Nay, I know not.

First Clown. A pestilence on him for a mad rogue! 'A pour'd a flagon of 3510

Rhenish on my head once. This same skull, sir, was Yorick's

skull, the King's jester.

Hamlet. This?

First Clown. E'en that.

Hamlet. Let me see. [Takes the skull.] Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, 3515

Horatio. A fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy. He

hath borne me on his back a thousand times. And now how abhorred

in my imagination it is! My gorge rises at it. Here hung those

lips that I have kiss'd I know not how oft. Where be your gibes

now? your gambols? your songs? your flashes of merriment that 3520

were wont to set the table on a roar? Not one now, to mock your

own grinning? Quite chap- fall'n? Now get you to my lady's

chamber, and tell her, let her paint an inch thick, to this

favour she must come. Make her laugh at that. Prithee, Horatio,

tell me one thing. 3525

Horatio. What's that, my lord?

Hamlet. Dost thou think Alexander look'd o' this fashion i' th' earth?

Horatio. E'en so.

Hamlet. And smelt so? Pah!

[Puts down the skull.]

Horatio. E'en so, my lord.

Hamlet. To what base uses we may return, Horatio! Why may not

imagination trace the noble dust of Alexander till he find it

stopping a bunghole?

Horatio. 'Twere to consider too curiously, to consider so. 3535

Hamlet. No, faith, not a jot; but to follow him thither with modesty

enough, and likelihood to lead it; as thus: Alexander died,

Alexander was buried, Alexander returneth into dust; the dust is

earth; of earth we make loam; and why of that loam (whereto he

was converted) might they not stop a beer barrel? 3540

Imperious Caesar, dead and turn'd to clay,

Might stop a hole to keep the wind away.

O, that that earth which kept the world in awe

Should patch a wall t' expel the winter's flaw!

But soft! but soft! aside! Here comes the King- 3545

Enter [priests with] a coffin [in funeral procession], King,

[Queen, Laertes, with Lords attendant.]

The Queen, the courtiers. Who is this they follow?

And with such maimed rites? This doth betoken

The corse they follow did with desp'rate hand 3550

Fordo it own life. 'Twas of some estate.

Couch we awhile, and mark.

[Retires with Horatio.]

Laertes. What ceremony else?

Hamlet. That is Laertes, 3555

A very noble youth. Mark.

Laertes. What ceremony else?

Priest. Her obsequies have been as far enlarg'd

As we have warranty. Her death was doubtful;

And, but that great command o'ersways the order, 3560

She should in ground unsanctified have lodg'd

Till the last trumpet. For charitable prayers,

Shards, flints, and pebbles should be thrown on her.

Yet here she is allow'd her virgin rites,

Her maiden strewments, and the bringing home 3565

Of bell and burial.

Laertes. Must there no more be done?

Priest. No more be done.

We should profane the service of the dead

To sing a requiem and such rest to her 3570

As to peace-parted souls.

Laertes. Lay her i' th' earth;

And from her fair and unpolluted flesh

May violets spring! I tell thee, churlish priest,

A minist'ring angel shall my sister be 3575

When thou liest howling.

Hamlet. What, the fair Ophelia?

Gertrude. Sweets to the sweet! Farewell.

[Scatters flowers.]

I hop'd thou shouldst have been my Hamlet's wife; 3580

I thought thy bride-bed to have deck'd, sweet maid,

And not have strew'd thy grave.

Laertes. O, treble woe

Fall ten times treble on that cursed head

Whose wicked deed thy most ingenious sense 3585

Depriv'd thee of! Hold off the earth awhile,

Till I have caught her once more in mine arms.

[Leaps in the grave.]

Now pile your dust upon the quick and dead

Till of this flat a mountain you have made 3590

T' o'ertop old Pelion or the skyish head

Of blue Olympus.

Hamlet. [comes forward] What is he whose grief

Bears such an emphasis? whose phrase of sorrow

Conjures the wand'ring stars, and makes them stand 3595

Like wonder-wounded hearers? This is I,

Hamlet the Dane. [Leaps in after Laertes.]

Laertes. The devil take thy soul!

[Grapples with him.]

Hamlet. Thou pray'st not well. 3600

I prithee take thy fingers from my throat;

For, though I am not splenitive and rash,

Yet have I in me something dangerous,

Which let thy wisdom fear. Hold off thy hand!

Claudius. Pluck them asunder. 3605

Gertrude. Hamlet, Hamlet!

All. Gentlemen!

Horatio. Good my lord, be quiet.

[The Attendants part them, and they come out of the grave.]

Hamlet. Why, I will fight with him upon this theme 3610

Until my eyelids will no longer wag.

Gertrude. O my son, what theme?

Hamlet. I lov'd Ophelia. Forty thousand brothers

Could not (with all their quantity of love)

Make up my sum. What wilt thou do for her? 3615

Claudius. O, he is mad, Laertes.

Gertrude. For love of God, forbear him!

Hamlet. 'Swounds, show me what thou't do.

Woo't weep? woo't fight? woo't fast? woo't tear thyself?

Woo't drink up esill? eat a crocodile? 3620

I'll do't. Dost thou come here to whine?

To outface me with leaping in her grave?

Be buried quick with her, and so will I.

And if thou prate of mountains, let them throw

Millions of acres on us, till our ground, 3625

Singeing his pate against the burning zone,

Make Ossa like a wart! Nay, an thou'lt mouth,

I'll rant as well as thou.

Gertrude. This is mere madness;

And thus a while the fit will work on him. 3630

Anon, as patient as the female dove

When that her golden couplets are disclos'd,

His silence will sit drooping.

Hamlet. Hear you, sir!

What is the reason that you use me thus? 3635

I lov'd you ever. But it is no matter.

Let Hercules himself do what he may,

The cat will mew, and dog will have his day.

Exit.

Claudius. I pray thee, good Horatio, wait upon him. 3640

[Exit Horatio.]

[To Laertes] Strengthen your patience in our last night's speech.

We'll put the matter to the present push. —

Good Gertrude, set some watch over your son. —

This grave shall have a living monument. 3645

An hour of quiet shortly shall we see;

Till then in patience our proceeding be.

Exeunt.

Act V, Scene 2.

Elsinore. A hall in the Castle.

Enter Hamlet and Horatio.

Hamlet. So much for this, sir; now shall you see the other. 3650

You do remember all the circumstance?

Horatio. Remember it, my lord!

Hamlet. Sir, in my heart there was a kind of fighting

That would not let me sleep. Methought I lay

Worse than the mutinies in the bilboes. Rashly- 3655

And prais'd be rashness for it; let us know,

Our indiscretion sometime serves us well

When our deep plots do pall; and that should learn us

There's a divinity that shapes our ends,

Rough-hew them how we will- 3660

Horatio. That is most certain.

Hamlet. Up from my cabin,

My sea-gown scarf'd about me, in the dark

Grop'd I to find out them; had my desire,

Finger'd their packet, and in fine withdrew 3665

To mine own room again; making so bold

(My fears forgetting manners) to unseal

Their grand commission; where I found, Horatio

(O royal knavery!), an exact command,

Larded with many several sorts of reasons, 3670

Importing Denmark's health, and England's too,

With, hoo! such bugs and goblins in my life-

That, on the supervise, no leisure bated,

No, not to stay the finding of the axe,

My head should be struck off. 3675

Horatio. Is't possible?

Hamlet. Here's the commission; read it at more leisure.

But wilt thou bear me how I did proceed?

Horatio. I beseech you.

Hamlet. Being thus benetted round with villanies, 3680

Or I could make a prologue to my brains,

They had begun the play. I sat me down;

Devis'd a new commission; wrote it fair.

I once did hold it, as our statists do,

A baseness to write fair, and labour'd much 3685

How to forget that learning; but, sir, now

It did me yeoman's service. Wilt thou know

Th' effect of what I wrote?

Horatio. Ay, good my lord.

Hamlet. An earnest conjuration from the King, 3690

As England was his faithful tributary,

As love between them like the palm might flourish,

As peace should still her wheaten garland wear

And stand a comma 'tween their amities,

And many such-like as's of great charge, 3695

That, on the view and knowing of these contents,

Without debatement further, more or less,

He should the bearers put to sudden death,

Not shriving time allow'd.

Horatio. How was this seal'd? 3700

Hamlet. Why, even in that was heaven ordinant.

I had my father's signet in my purse,

Which was the model of that Danish seal;

Folded the writ up in the form of th' other,

Subscrib'd it, gave't th' impression, plac'd it safely, 3705

The changeling never known. Now, the next day

Was our sea-fight; and what to this was sequent

Thou know'st already.

Horatio. So Guildenstern and Rosencrantz go to't.

Hamlet. Why, man, they did make love to this employment! 3710

They are not near my conscience; their defeat

Does by their own insinuation grow.

'Tis dangerous when the baser nature comes

Between the pass and fell incensed points

Of mighty opposites. 3715

Horatio. Why, what a king is this!

Hamlet. Does it not, thinks't thee, stand me now upon-

He that hath kill'd my king, and whor'd my mother;

Popp'd in between th' election and my hopes;

Thrown out his angle for my proper life, 3720

And with such coz'nage- is't not perfect conscience

To quit him with this arm? And is't not to be damn'd

To let this canker of our nature come

In further evil?

Horatio. It must be shortly known to him from England 3725

What is the issue of the business there.

Hamlet. It will be short; the interim is mine,

And a man's life is no more than to say 'one.'

But I am very sorry, good Horatio,

That to Laertes I forgot myself, 3730

For by the image of my cause I see

The portraiture of his. I'll court his favours.

But sure the bravery of his grief did put me

Into a tow'ring passion.

Horatio. Peace! Who comes here? 3735

Enter young Osric, a courtier.

Osric. Your lordship is right welcome back to Denmark.

Hamlet. I humbly thank you, sir. [Aside to Horatio] Dost know this

waterfly?

Horatio. [aside to Hamlet] No, my good lord. 3740

Hamlet. [aside to Horatio] Thy state is the more gracious; for 'tis a

vice to know him. He hath much land, and fertile. Let a beast be

lord of beasts, and his crib shall stand at the king's mess. 'Tis

a chough; but, as I say, spacious in the possession of dirt.

Osric. Sweet lord, if your lordship were at leisure, I should impart 3745

a thing to you from his Majesty.

Hamlet. I will receive it, sir, with all diligence of spirit. Put your

bonnet to his right use. 'Tis for the head.

Osric. I thank your lordship, it is very hot.

Hamlet. No, believe me, 'tis very cold; the wind is northerly. 3750

Osric. It is indifferent cold, my lord, indeed.

Hamlet. But yet methinks it is very sultry and hot for my complexion.

Osric. Exceedingly, my lord; it is very sultry, as 'twere- I cannot

tell how. But, my lord, his Majesty bade me signify to you that

he has laid a great wager on your head. Sir, this is the matter- 3755

Hamlet. I beseech you remember.

[Hamlet moves him to put on his hat.]

Osric. Nay, good my lord; for mine ease, in good faith. Sir, here is

newly come to court Laertes; believe me, an absolute gentleman,

full of most excellent differences, of very soft society and 3760

great showing. Indeed, to speak feelingly of him, he is the card

or calendar of gentry; for you shall find in him the continent of

what part a gentleman would see.

Hamlet. Sir, his definement suffers no perdition in you; though, I

know, to divide him inventorially would dozy th' arithmetic of 3765

memory, and yet but yaw neither in respect of his quick sail.

But, in the verity of extolment, I take him to be a soul of great

article, and his infusion of such dearth and rareness as, to make

true diction of him, his semblable is his mirror, and who else would trace him, his umbrage, nothing more.

Osric. Your lordship speaks most infallibly of him. 3770

Hamlet. The concernancy, sir? Why do we wrap the gentleman in our more

rawer breath?

Osric. Sir?

Horatio. [aside to Hamlet] Is't not possible to understand in another

tongue? You will do't, sir, really. 3775

Hamlet. What imports the nomination of this gentleman?

Osric. Of Laertes?

Horatio. [aside] His purse is empty already. All's golden words are

spent.

Hamlet. Of him, sir. 3780

Osric. I know you are not ignorant-

Hamlet. I would you did, sir; yet, in faith, if you did, it would not

much approve me. Well, sir?

Osric. You are not ignorant of what excellence Laertes is-

Hamlet. I dare not confess that, lest I should compare with him in 3785

excellence; but to know a man well were to know himself.

Osric. I mean, sir, for his weapon; but in the imputation laid on him

by them, in his meed he's unfellowed.

Hamlet. What's his weapon?

Osric. Rapier and dagger. 3790

Hamlet. That's two of his weapons- but well.

Osric. The King, sir, hath wager'd with him six Barbary horses;

against the which he has impon'd, as I take it, six French

rapiers and poniards, with their assigns, as girdle, hangers, and

so. Three of the carriages, in faith, are very dear to fancy, 3795

very responsive to the hilts, most delicate carriages, and of

very liberal conceit.

Hamlet. What call you the carriages?

Horatio. [aside to Hamlet] I knew you must be edified by the margent

ere you had done. 3800

Osric. The carriages, sir, are the hangers.

Hamlet. The phrase would be more germane to the matter if we could

carry cannon by our sides. I would it might be hangers till then.

But on! Six Barbary horses against six French swords, their

assigns, and three liberal-conceited carriages: that's the French 3805

bet against the Danish. Why is this all impon'd, as you call it?

Osric. The King, sir, hath laid that, in a dozen passes between

yourself and him, he shall not exceed you three hits; he hath

laid on twelve for nine, and it would come to immediate trial

if your lordship would vouchsafe the answer. 3810

Hamlet. How if I answer no?

Osric. I mean, my lord, the opposition of your person in trial.

Hamlet. Sir, I will walk here in the hall. If it please his Majesty,

it is the breathing time of day with me. Let the foils be

brought, the gentleman willing, and the King hold his purpose, 3815

I will win for him if I can; if not, I will gain nothing but my

shame and the odd hits.

Osric. Shall I redeliver you e'en so?

Hamlet. To this effect, sir, after what flourish your nature will.

Osric. I commend my duty to your lordship. 3820

Hamlet. Yours, yours. [Exit Osric.] He does well to commend it

himself; there are no tongues else for's turn.

Horatio. This lapwing runs away with the shell on his head.

Hamlet. He did comply with his dug before he suck'd it. Thus has he,

and many more of the same bevy that I know the drossy age dotes 3825

on, only got the tune of the time and outward habit of encounter-

a kind of yesty collection, which carries them through and