Desperately Seeking Heaven

‘Oh yes. He’s hot. Mmm, mmm. Young and sexy. A bit dangerous too. I like that in a man. You know, that whole bad boy unpredictable thing.’ She shivered exaggeratedly as if imagining unimaginable things with Barney.

Jimmy shook his head, tutting.

‘What is this? The Barney Roberts Appreciation Society?’

‘Come on,’ I said, finding my voice at last, eager to separate the pair of them and lower the sizzling temperature within the flat, ‘let’s get going, before it gets too busy out there.’

I gave Jimmy a furtive little wave, then slammed the door shut on him and the flat for a few hours, grateful for a little respite from the huge problem that had bulldozed into my life. I took a deep breath. I would deal with it all later. Maybe by the time I got home, Jimmy would have received a communication from the powers upstairs.

Chapter Four

Three hours, a lot of walking and four carrier bags, all belonging to Lexie, later, we settled at a pavement table outside a bustling cafe on the High Street. It was bright and the cold pinched my skin, but as the sun was making such a valiant attempt at breaking through the clouds, the least we felt we could do was make the most of the uncharacteristically good weather.

‘You sure you’re okay?’ She asked through narrowed eyes. ‘You seem, I don’t know, a bit distracted, that’s all.’

I smiled wryly. The distractions were everywhere, but what could I possibly tell her?

I’d been determined to forget about Jimmy for a few hours at least, but that was proving impossible. Every newsstand, every paper, every television shop we passed in the street served as a reminder that I hadn’t dreamt the whole mind-blowing episode up. Jimmy Mack was dead and for reasons that I couldn’t entirely fathom, he’d decided to make a detour on his way to the other side and camp out at my place for a while.

‘Well, you seem a bit on edge, a bit strung out. You need to relax. Get out and enjoy yourself a bit more.’

I raised my eyebrows. She’d be strung out if her new lodger was a ghost. That sort of thing takes some getting used to.

Besides, I knew from experience exactly what Lexie had in mind when she talked about me enjoying myself more. I braced myself.

‘I mean, how long has it been now, since Mike?’

She knew just as well as I did, but I humoured her.

‘Oh about three years, I suppose.’ Three years, six months and four days to be precise. Not that I was counting.

‘Exactly! Far too long. You need to get out there, move on, make a life for yourself.’

‘I have a life, thank you very much,’ I said, lowering my voice as I noticed the guy on the next table beginning to take an unnatural interest in our conversation.

‘Yeah, but when was the last time you went out on a date? With a guy, I mean?’

‘Hmm, well, that’s what usually happens on a date, isn’t it? You go out with a guy.’ The pot of sugars on the table suddenly seemed very appealing. I picked up a bunch and turned them over in my fingers. ‘And I’ve been out on lots of dates, it’s just that I’ve never wanted to see any of them again.’

‘Too fussy, that’s your problem. You’re waiting for your soul mate to fall out of the sky, but that’s never going to happen, Alice. Life isn’t a romantic novel, you know.’

I couldn’t help smiling, especially after yesterday. Stranger things had definitely happened.

‘You’ve got to give guys a chance,’ she went on. ‘Get to know them. They’re not all like Mike, you know. There are some decent ones out there.’

What she meant was that they weren’t all two-timing, lying little toe-rags like my ex. That was maybe the case, although I wasn’t still entirely convinced on that point, but I really didn’t have the time or the inclination to get involved with anyone at the moment. Besides entertaining the idea of a boyfriend was out of the question now. I had an unexpected house guest to look after.

‘Maybe,’ I said, unable to hide my scepticism, ‘but you can’t force these things. If it’s meant to happen it will.’

Leaving it to fate, I’d decided, was a much better option than road-testing a whole string of Mr Maybe’s, Mr Highly Unlikely’s and Mr Downright Unsuitable’s.

Just then a jet of cold air whooshed around my neck and whipped up my trouser legs.

‘Not interrupting anything, am I?’

‘Oh my God!’ I jumped in my seat knocking the remains of my cappuccino over the small table. Wildly, I looked around, half expecting the entire High Street to be looking my way, but there was only Lexie who was observing me oddly.

‘See, just look at you. You’re so uptight and edgy.’ She made a half-hearted attempted at mopping up the coffee with some paper napkins. ‘What on earth’s the matter with you?’

At least Jimmy had the grace to look sheepish.

‘You don’t mind if I join you?’ he said, slipping into the chair beside me, not looking remotely interested in my answer.

‘Nothing,’ I said to Lexie, my gaze scouring the neighbouring tables to see if anybody had noticed the arrival of Jimmy Mack, but there wasn’t a flicker of interest from any quarter. I was slowly coming to terms with the weird fact that Jimmy was visible only to me.

‘I thought I felt something on my arm, something crawly,’ I said, trying to keep the hysteria from my voice. ‘Must have imagined it!’

When Jimmy shuffled his chair closer to mine I noticed Lexie’s incredulous gaze settle on his ghostly form. For a split second I thought we were busted, but quickly realised it wasn’t Jimmy she was seeing, but the chair, seemingly moving of its own accord. Swiftly I hooked my foot around the leg of the chair and yanked it frantically from side to side.

‘There! I told you. It was a spider. Got it,’ I said, with a triumphant sigh, screwing my foot into the ground.

Lexie’s brow furrowed and her mouth twisted in disbelief at my suspect behaviour. When she stood up, shaking her head, I breathed a huge sigh of relief.

‘I’m just popping to the loo, and then we’ll go shall we? Before we get thrown out of this place.’

I nodded with an apologetic smile and picked up my handbag, turning my attention to Jimmy as soon as Lexie had left.

‘You gave me the fright of my life popping up like that.’ I was doing my best impression of a ventriloquist for the benefit of the man on the next table. ‘You could have given me some warning,’ I hissed. ‘What did you expect me to say?’

‘Sorry,’ he laughed, ‘but you have to remember I’m finding my way around this whole thing too. I didn’t realise I could transport myself from one place to the other just by the power of thought. Look at this,’ he said, sounding unnecessarily excited.

‘Abracadabra!’ He waved his arms in the air with a dramatic flourish before disappearing into thin air and reappearing over the other side of the patio area, squeezed between two fat ladies enjoying a morning croissant. He gave me a little wave, before repeating his magic chant.

‘That’s pretty cool, isn’t it?’ He popped up again beside me. ‘Obviously I don’t need to say “Abracadabra” but I think it brings a certain “je ne sais quoi” to the overall effect, don’t you?’

‘Very clever,’ I said, feeling secretly impressed and annoyed all at the same time. I still wasn’t entirely convinced I wasn’t having hallucinations. ‘How did you know where to find me though?’

‘I didn’t. I was just thinking about you. It was pretty lonely cooped up in that flat of yours and I was wondering when you’d be back and then suddenly whoosh and I was here.’ He laughed, obviously reliving the moment.

‘God, that is pretty freaky, but I suppose it has its benefits. Saves all that hassle of getting on buses and tubes,’ I joked.

‘Yeah,’ he said, pulling a sad face. ‘The only downside is you have to be dead to qualify for the perk. Might be a bit of a drastic move just to avoid the rush-hour traffic. Mind if I help myself to one of these biscuits?’

I watched as he greedily devoured not one, but the three remaining biscuits on the plate, the man on the next table spluttering over his coffee as the biscuits evaporated into thin air.

‘Mmm, lovely,’ I said, smiling sweetly, making exaggerated chewing motions in an attempt to cover up Jimmy’s greediness, before twisting my chair and turning my back on the man sitting beside us.

‘That’s seriously weird,’ I said to Jimmy, watching him as if I’d never seen someone eating before.

‘Huh?’ he asked, through a mouthful of crumbs.

‘How you have to do the whole eating and drinking and sleeping thing. I thought… well, you don’t expect…’ My voice trailed away at the ridiculousness of this conversation.

‘What? All those other ghosts you’ve met haven’t needed to do that then? Well, I must be special.’ With his grey eyes wide with devilment and a smile hovering on his lips, there was no way I could disagree on that fact.

‘Well, it doesn’t happen in the films,’ I said, determined not to be distracted by his obscenely good looks.

‘This isn’t a film, Alice. This is your terrifying new reality.’ He chuckled and lent over blowing a kiss on my nose. ‘I wonder if it’s because I haven’t passed over yet. I guess all this wafting around in no man’s land requires a certain amount of energy. Once I get over to the other side I’m sure this whole maintenance side will be redundant. It’s just a case of me getting there.’ He flashed me another smile, the one that said ‘we’re in this together, kiddo.’

‘Well, I’m not sure why you’ve decided I’m the person to help you get to the other side,’ I muttered, a tad petulantly. ‘I haven’t got a clue what you should do and it’s not as if I have any spiritual leanings either. The last time I was in a church was at my cousin’s wedding and I didn’t really pay any attention to the business side of things.’

He leant across the table and laid his hand on mine. It was the most peculiar experience. It felt so natural and yet other-worldly at the same time, sending shivers rippling down my spine.

‘I didn’t decide on you, Alice. That’s the thing. You’ve been specially selected for the job. A bit like those Reader’s Digest promotions your Mum used to get through the post. Obviously someone somewhere thinks you have something to teach me.’

I gulped at the enormity of the situation as the guy from the next-door table gave me a very dubious look. Well, as far as he was concerned, I’d been talking to myself for the last five minutes as well as demolishing everything in sight on the food front; he probably had me down as a complete basket case.

What on earth was it that I, Alice Fletcher, could teach Jimmy Mack?

‘Shall we go then?’ Lexie was back, her wide smile bringing a welcome touch of reality into my world.

‘Great.’ I stood up, picking up my bag before looking back at Jimmy.

‘Oh, don’t worry about me,’ he said, flashing me that smile again. ‘I’ll make my own way back. I’ll probably make it before you. Abracadabra and all that!’

He winked and I watched him evaporate into thin air. That really was some party trick. I couldn’t help giggling and the guy at the table next door quickly looked away, finding his weighty paperback suddenly very interesting just when I caught him looking at me again.

Mad greedy women were to be avoided at all costs, obviously.

Chapter Five

Not only did Jimmy make it back home before me, but he was also thoughtful enough to have cleared the mess away, washed up the dirty crockery and made his bed. A piping hot cup of tea was waiting for me on the kitchen table.

‘I could get used to this kind of thing,’ I said smiling, dropping my handbag on the floor. For the briefest moment the thought of sharing my life with someone who would be waiting for me at the end of a hard day with a warm welcome and a glass of something special in hand seemed very appealing. Someone like Jimmy, I thought in a moment of wild fantasy as our eyes met across the kitchen. I fought the urge to run into his arms and attack him with a barrage of kisses.

‘That’s good because you might have to,’ he said, without any trace of humour, clearly not on the same wavelength as me. ‘For a little while at least. It must seem extremely rude me gate-crashing your life uninvited, but hopefully it won’t be for long. Once we find out where I’m supposed to be going then I’ll be out of your hair for good. And you can forget that you ever met me.’

I snorted; that was highly unlikely. How would I ever forget Jimmy? I hadn’t met a ghost before, especially one with such a high profile as Jimmy Mack, so it’s not exactly something that would easily slip my mind.

‘Don’t worry,’ I said. ‘We’ll work something out.’ I sank down on the sofa realising my plans for having a chilled-out vegging weekend would have to be put on hold. In fact, all plans were on hold for the foreseeable future. I wasn’t entirely disappointed by the fact.

‘I promise, as soon as I can I’ll be out of your way. I could go now if you really wanted me to. Find somewhere to hang out. Do what ghosts do, I suppose.’ He shrugged, smiling. ‘Do a bit of haunting in my spare time. Get my own back on all those people who pissed me off in life.’

‘Don’t be silly,’ I said, casting him a grave glance. ‘You’d get lonely with no one to talk to. I’ve heard about unhappy ghosts and the havoc they can cause. No, you’re much better here with me. Where I can keep an eye on you. Together we can work out what we’re supposed to do with you.’

Although Lord knew what that might be. I scratched my head, frustrated at my lack of resourcefulness. I was way out of my depth, crazily so.

I didn’t want to think about it too closely, but this had to be a commonplace occurrence. People died every day. I was certain they didn’t all go through this stage, wafting around in the ether attaching themselves to some poor unsuspecting human until they had the go-ahead to move on to wherever they were supposed to be going. No, something had clearly gone very wrong in Jimmy’s transition and if we didn’t do something about it soon he could be trapped here like this forever.

‘We need to go back to the crash scene,’ I said, with a sudden sense of urgency.

‘What are you talking about?’

‘The accident! That was where your spirit should have been collected from. I don’t know why it wasn’t, probably an oversight or something, but maybe if we get you back there, then they’ll come for you and you can… um… get taken across… to… well, um, you know.’

‘Hmm, you make it sound like the dustbin collections. If they don’t pick up one week, they’ll catch you second time around. I’m not sure it quite works like that.’

‘Do you have any better ideas?’ I snapped.

Jimmy sighed, dropping his head backwards and gazing up at the ceiling.

‘No, not at the moment. I don’t. I’m just trying to lighten the atmosphere, that’s all.’

‘Well, in that case, if you don’t mind, can we have a go at doing things my way please?’

‘Do I have to come?’

I’d pulled the car over into side of the road where I’d stopped only yesterday, not knowing at that point my life was about to take such a weirdly unexpected turn. In the half-light, the field gave no clue to the horrors it had witnessed, but the stillness that had been so apparent in daylight only seemed magnified in the eerie twilight.

‘Don’t be ridiculous. Of course you have to come. What would be the point in me going on my own? It’s you that we’re trying to get despatched, after all.’

Jimmy winced, looking at me through narrowed eyes and I immediately regretted my choice of words. To be honest, I wanted nothing more than to turn around and take him home to the safety of my flat, but I knew that wouldn’t have helped either of us.

‘I’m just not sure this is a good idea, that’s all. For God’s sake, Alice, this is where it all happened. I really don’t think I need to be re-visiting the scene of my death. It’s too soon, it’s not natural.’

I turned my head to look at him and he grasped my hand, as though it were the most natural thing in the world, our fingers instantly interlocking.

‘I know this is difficult, Jimmy, but you being stuck in this state of limbo isn’t natural either. I’m worried for you. This has been devastating for everyone concerned, but we can’t change what’s happened. What we can do is try our hardest to make sure you end up where you should be and I’m pretty certain that isn’t meant to be in my little flat. You should be out there,’ I pointed into the distance through the windscreen, ‘with your own… your own type.’

I cringed. He cringed. There was no easy way to say these things.

‘You make it sound so very appealing.’ He laughed, tipping his head back on the car seat. His strongly defined jawline, the tilt of his chin, the tiny dimple at the corner of his mouth were highlighted in profile, making my heart twist with longing.

‘Come on,’ he said, leaning over and tracing a finger down the length of my cheek. ‘Let’s get this over with then.’

Outside the sky had darkened further and I dug my hands into my jacket pockets wondering why I’d ever thought this was a good idea. An icy chill ran down the length of my body as my eyes searched out the spot where the wreckage had strewn the countryside.

‘At least the car has gone now.’

‘Yeah, I really loved that car,’ he said wistfully. ‘I’d only had it three months. Just had it valeted too. Still, I don’t suppose I’d have much use for it now.’

‘Don’t think about it,’ I said feeling guilty that I was putting him through such an ordeal. ‘It was over here.’ I led him by the hand across the uneven ground, trying to work out the least hazardous path in the darkness. ‘I don’t suppose you have a torch with you, do you?’

‘Oh yes, I have one right here in my jacket pocket,’ he said tightly. ‘No, Alice, I do not have a torch with me.’

‘All right, it was just an idea. Look we’re here now anyway. You can see the flattened grass. See.’ I bent down, sweeping my palm across the ground.

‘Great. Brings back such happy memories.’ Jimmy wrapped his arms around his chest looking totally disinterested. ‘So what do you suggest we do now then?’

‘I think we need to take a moment of silent reflection. Give thanks for your life and then ask our spirit friends to guide you on your way.’

Jimmy sniggered, looking around him.

‘Well, all those other dudes obviously forgot to turn up. Perhaps they took the date down wrong in their diaries.’

‘Oh come on, Jimmy, it isn’t funny. You have to want to do this. It has to be worth a try.’

I grabbed his hands in mine, closed my eyes and took a couple of deep breaths.

‘Friends, spirits…

‘Countrymen!’ interrupted Jimmy.

‘Stop it!’ I hissed. ‘We come in peace and friendship. We give thanks for the life of Jimmy Mack who has now sadly departed from the physical realm. Please help us guide Jimmy to his rightful place in the universe.’ I offered his hands up to the night sky. I knew the wording wasn’t spot on, but I just hoped someone somewhere would get the gist.

We stood there in the increasing cold a moment or two longer, before he dropped his hands to his sides.

‘Nice try, Alice, and I do appreciate all the trouble you’ve gone to, but really this isn’t going to work. Can we go home, please? I’m freezing cold, hungry and tired. I can think of much better ways we could be spending our time.’

His gaze skittered over my face, and I wasn’t sure about any of those other spirits, but mine plummeted to the floor. Tears gathered in my eyes. What had I been thinking? Jimmy was right, this was never going to work and yet he’d been lovely enough to humour me and see this whole ridiculous escapade through to the end.

‘Yes, I suppose you’re right,’ I sighed, defeated. ‘We’ll go. This is obviously not the way to do it, but there’ll be another way. I promise you.’

Just as we turned to go, I spotted the lights in the distance. Vast bright white lights approaching at a steady pace, searching us out, the accompanying growling rumble growing louder and louder. I shielded my eyes with my arm from the dazzling glare, the vibrations from the craft reaching my shivering body.

‘See, what did I tell you! Look! They’ve come for you, Jimmy. They’ve come for you.’ Our eyes locked together and in that moment I realised however important it was for Jimmy to find his spiritual home, I didn’t want him to go. Not yet. I’d only just met him, but in some ways it felt as if I’d known him a lifetime. And that wasn’t nearly enough time. There was so much I still needed to know. The fact that I wanted him to stay, wanted more of him, filled me with fear. Why did I feel this way about a ghostly stranger? It didn’t make any sense.

Emotion prickled through my entire body as I grabbed hold of his hand. The enormity of the situation was clearly too much for him as well as his whole body rocked with something approaching hysteria as he gasped to find the words.

‘It’sOK, it’s OK,’ I soothed, stroking his arm.

The craft shuddered to a halt in front of us and a door flew open, a man in an all-in-one suit leaping down onto the ground.

‘What the bloody hell do you think you’re doing? In my bloody field! There’s nothing to see here. The party’s over. Now clear off!’ he yelled.

I looked across at Jimmy who, doubled up with mirth, was no use whatsoever. Making abject apologies to the tractor driver, the ghost and I sprinted back to the car.

OK so Plan A may have been a major fail, but I was certain that there were dozens of other options we could try and in the meantime it wouldn’t be too much of a hardship sharing the flat with Jimmy.

He was well-mannered, domesticated and easy on the eye. I’d had worse house guests.

As long as Jimmy obeyed a few simple house rules then I couldn’t foresee any problems. And the first and most important rule on the list, not to turn up unexpected when I was out doing other stuff, I reminded him of on Monday morning as I was getting ready to go to work.

‘Now remember, you can’t just turn up at work, showing off your fancy magic tricks. I have a very important job to do and I really don’t need the distraction of you popping up in the middle of an important board meeting.’

‘Wow,’ he said, letting out a slow whistle as his gaze travelled the length of my body taking in my grey slub silk pencil skirt and matching jacket. His eyes lingered on my ankles and black patent court shoes. ‘You look pretty hot in all that office gear. Kind of severe and buttoned up, but I like that.’ He raised his eyebrows approvingly and I turned away trying to hide the fetching pink patches of embarrassment that were now adorning my cheeks. Jimmy Mack had a reputation as a flirt, only I would never have believed he’d be practising his skills on me. ‘Very nice indeed,’ he added.

‘No turning up at the wrong times, Jimmy. Are you listening to me?’ I asked, picking up my keys from the hall table, trying to ignore the warm fuzzy feeling his attention provoked.

‘Yeah, yeah, don’t worry, I’ll be as good as gold. I promise. I’ve plenty to be getting on with here anyway.’

‘Good.’ I said, on my way out. ‘I’ll see you later then.’

‘Yeah, you have a good day at the office, sweetie!’

Chapter Six

‘Morning, Alice, good weekend?’

Simon, my boss had his sleeves rolled up and two empty coffee cups on his desk suggesting he’d already been in at work for at least a couple of hours.

‘Yes, great,’ I said opting for the sanitised version, not the ‘oh my God, a ghost moved into my flat, you might know him, he just happens to be a celebrity, and we spent the rest of the weekend trying to get rid of him again’ version. Although that might have been fun just to see the look on Simon’s face.

‘Good, good,’ he said distracted. ‘I’m in meetings for the best part of the day, but I’ve sent you a few tasks to your inbox if you could look at those for me. Oh, and you’ll need to schedule in a meeting with Roger Carter. Damon Mitchell has been in this morning to hand in his resignation so I’ll need to chat through with Roger the likely ramifications.’