Desperately Seeking Heaven

My gaze settled on the innocuous-looking graze adorning his forehead.

‘Did it hurt?’ I didn’t really want to know the answer, but couldn’t stop myself from asking.

‘Not really.’ He shrugged, pondering the question. ‘It was pretty instantaneous. There was a lot of noise. In my head. And lights, lots of flashing lights, but I didn’t really feel anything.’

‘No? Well, that’s something, I suppose.’ I sighed. ‘I am so sorry,’ I said, sinking back down onto the sofa, not knowing what else to say. What exactly do you say to a dead man? The thought of his grieving family, friends and whole legion of fans was uppermost in my mind.

‘Don’t worry about it. It’s hardly your fault. I appreciate this must be very strange for you, me being here, but please don’t cry over me. The whole dying thing… it’s not half as bad as you’d imagine.’

I felt like sticking my fingers in my ears and la-la-ing into oblivion, but Jimmy was looking at me intently.

‘Well, you’re looking better than when I first came across you, I must admit.’ A bit peaky still, but his voice sounded much stronger and his presence seemingly so much more vivid.

‘Hey, I bet I’m the best-looking dead man you’ve ever met?’

I couldn’t argue with that. He was the best-looking man I’d ever met. Living or otherwise.

When he laughed his grey eyes twinkled mischievously, but I was finding it hard to find anything to laugh about. This whole episode was making me feel very uneasy.

Jimmy went on, considering me thoughtfully.

‘It’s just that I think there may have been a few problems in the um, well I don’t know what you’d call it, but in the handing over process, I suppose.’

‘The handing over process?’ A feeling of trepidation filled every pore in my body. ‘Um, what do you mean?’ I asked, not certain I wanted to hear the answer.

He scratched his head, managing to look both vulnerable and gorgeous in equal measure.

‘For some reason, I seem to have got stuck here with you. Obviously not alive, but neither fully gone over to the other side either. Betwixt and between, I suppose. I think that’s why you were sent my way. To help me.’

‘Ha, ha!’ I laughed, rather too heartily, only now it was Jimmy’s turn to look serious. ‘But how can I possibly help you?’ I said slowly, quietly, the deep apprehension growing in my chest.

‘To get to the other side, of course.’ He said it as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

Chapter Two

Why me? It was a question I asked myself a dozen times over in the hours following Jimmy’s arrival in my life.

I liked to pride myself on my efficiency and capability. It’s what I’m good at. Throw a problem my way and I’ll sort it. Even if I don’t immediately know the answer, I’ll find someone who does. But whoever it was up there who thought my organisational skills stretched to finding homes for recently deceased people, however well-known and however gorgeous, was surely having a joke at my expense.

I tried to broach this sensitive subject with Jimmy.

‘Were you not given any idea when you, um, passed… what you were supposed to do? Where you were meant to go?’

In a short space of time, he seemed to have made himself very comfy on my sofa and was brandishing the remote control with authority, flicking between channels to get the most up-to-date coverage on his demise.

‘Huh?’ He looked mildly irritated as he turned his gaze to look at me.

‘When you… you know…’ I didn’t like to say the word aloud, almost as if I didn’t mention it then it wouldn’t be such a permanent arrangement. Instead, I made a genteel fainting motion.

‘Pegged it, you mean? Nope. There was no welcoming committee or induction manual, not even a map pointing me in the direction of the upwards escalator or the downward one.’

He didn’t look unduly concerned about the whole episode, he was much more interested in what was happening on the telly.

‘Would you look at him.’ He was sitting on the edge of his chair, leaning forward, jabbing his finger at the screen. ‘I don’t believe it!’

It was Barney Roberts, the young and dynamic presenter of Win, win, win! the daily quiz show, his usual cheeky-chappie persona replaced with a sombre mask.

‘We are all deeply shocked and saddened by the untimely death of Jimmy Mack, a much loved and respected colleague here at Studio 99. Our thoughts and condolences go out to his family at this very sad time.’

‘Jeez! What a bloody hypocrite! How he’s got the nerve to stand there saying he’ll miss my friendship and my support as though we were best buddies, I just don’t know. The guy’s always hated me.’

Secretly I was a bit of a fan of Barney Roberts. Much more of a fan than I’d ever been of Jimmy Mack, but now wasn’t the time to mention it.

‘Oh, don’t be like that,’ I said, crouching down to look Jimmy in the eye, picking up his hand. I didn’t want to appear rude, but I couldn’t help myself from staring at his features. They were all so familiar, all so real. My thumb stroked the length of his long fingers. How could he possibly be a ghost when he looked and felt so normal? A shiver tormented my spine as my gaze drifted between Jimmy and the TV screen.

‘He looks genuinely upset, everyone is, you can see that, surely?’ I did my best to reassure him. ‘It’s such a shock for us all.’

‘Don’t you believe a word of it. It’s all an act, he’s just milking the moment. He’ll be plotting to take over my daytime show already. You mark my words. As soon as he’s off air, he’ll be in discussions with the studio bosses.’

‘Do you think?’ I asked, not really believing him. Obviously he was distressed. Who wouldn’t be in the circumstances? I took a deep breath and tried to find the right words. ‘Well, try not to upset yourself over it. I mean, it’s not as though you can do anything about it now. Now that you’re, um, dead…’

I flinched under the dagger-like stare from Jimmy, realising I’d clearly failed on the comforting words front. ‘And it’s not as though anyone could ever really take over your slot,’ I added, quickly. ‘There’ll only ever be one Jimmy Mack. I mean, who could ever replace you?’

He sighed, stretching his arms up above his head, looking marginally appeased. I was beginning to realise that Jimmy had an ego to match his huge talent.

‘Hmm, I suppose, you’re right.’

‘Of course, I am.’ I patted his hand again, in a move that was becoming second nature to me. ‘More urgently though, we need to work out what we’re going to do about…, um, moving you on. Getting you to the right place. You won’t want to be hanging around here for any length of time.’

Jimmy shrugged, unconcerned, looking as if it wouldn’t actually be the worst thing in the world.

‘Don’t worry,’ he said. ‘I’m sure it’s just a minor hiccup. When you think about it, the amount of through traffic being handled on a daily basis, this sort of thing is bound to happen occasionally. I’ll probably be moved on in a day or two.’

A day or two? I was hoping for an hour at the most. Much more of this and my nerves would be frazzled to pieces.

I sighed, taking the remote control from Jimmy’s hold and switched off the telly.

‘Hey, what did you do that for?’

‘Well, it can’t do you any good seeing all that stuff? It must be very upsetting knowing you’re leaving all your friends and family behind. Seeing them so distraught too. It isn’t helping anyone. Your parents…’

Tears rushed to my eyes and I blinked them away. What had Jimmy done to be landed with me; a simpering blubbering mess, but I simply couldn’t bear it. To think of his poor mum and dad waiting expectantly at home for their son to arrive for what should have been a celebratory event, only to receive instead the most unwelcome visitor on their doorstep; a police officer bearing bad news; it was too much to contemplate.

‘Hey.’ He jumped up and wrapped his arms around me. I sighed, his embrace feeling strange but oddly comforting, the very tips of my fingers and toes tingling in expectation. I couldn’t remember the last time a man held me that way. He pulled back, holding my face captive in his hands, his look beseeching.

‘Don’t cry. Not for me.’ I took a deep breath, taking in his earthy masculine scent, his face dangerously close to mine. ‘I’m here, aren’t I?’ He pulled away, holding out his arms wide. ‘Not exactly in the peak of health admittedly, but I’m here.’

When he laughed his deep grey eyes twinkled like stars in the night sky. It went a small way to making me feel better.

‘Yes, but, it’s so sad…’ Now, I couldn’t help the big gulping sobs that had been bubbling in my chest from erupting.

‘No, not really. It’s kind of hard to explain, but it all feels perfectly natural when it happens to you. As if it’s the right thing at the right time. Do you know what I mean? I’ve always believed that things happen for a reason and this just proves it! Sure, it’s tough for the people left behind but it’s something they’ll work through. And really, if you’ve ever held anyone close to your heart, you know that you’ll never completely leave them behind just because you die. I’ll get together again with them all one day, you can bet your life on it.’

I screwed my face up in disbelief.

‘Sorry,’ he held up his hands, ‘not the best turn of phrase. But really, it’s no big deal.’

No big deal? It was the biggest thing that had ever happened in my life. And I hadn’t even known Jimmy before he died. My whole body trembled with shock and terror.

‘But what about your mum and dad? Your friends? Was there anyone special?’ I asked, my mind rushing in each and every direction.

He dropped his head to one side, giving me a quizzical look.

‘A girlfriend?’ I said tentatively. I was pretty certain he wasn’t gay, although now, as he observed me thoughtfully, I wondered for the briefest moment if I’d got him all wrong.

‘Oh, no, there isn’t anyone, no one special at least.’ He looked wistful for a moment. ‘Mum and Dad,’ he stuttered, ‘they’ll find this hard, but they will get through it. They’re very strong together and they have lots of support around them. They’ll beOK. In time.’

Sadness washed over me. There was nothing I could do for him nor his loved ones left behind. I felt totally helpless. Jimmy was putting on a good show of coping, but his underlying vulnerability was tangible. There must be something I could do to help. Restlessness made me itchy.

‘Well, we can’t just sit around here waiting for the ghost train to turn up. We have to do something. Find out how we can get you sent on your way to your rightful place in the … in the, um, universe.’

‘Great! And you have some ideas on how we might do that then?’

‘No, not yet. But how difficult can it be?’

Jimmy shrugged, his dark eyebrows shooting high up into his forehead.

‘Tomorrow, we’ll get started,’ I said, sounding much more confident than I felt. ‘We’ll do some research, there must be oodles of stuff on the internet about it.’

‘Yeah, I bet,’ said Jimmy doubtfully. ‘There is one thing you could do for me before then though.’

‘Yes, of course.’

‘Do you have anything to eat?’

‘You’re hungry?’ I asked, my lip curling involuntarily in disbelief.

‘Are you kidding? I’m bloody ravenous. I’ve had a heavy day out there.’

My mind did a quick inventory of the contents of my larder. I hadn’t been food shopping in days, but I knew there was a loaf of bread and some bacon in the fridge.

‘How does a bacon sandwich sound?’

‘Heavenly!’ he sighed with an enormous grin.

A ghost with a sense of humour, a possessive regard of my remote control and a healthy appetite, sitting large as life in my living room, was something that might take a bit of getting used to, but I supposed sharing a bacon sarnie and a cup of tea would be a good place to start.

Chapter Three

The doorbell reverberated through my flat early the next morning. I jumped out of bed, panic washing over me. The events of yesterday afternoon and evening flashed into my head in a messy jumble. It was a dream, right? I’d imagined the whole thing. Thank goodness for that. Poking my head out of the bedroom door I saw the remains of our late-night snack. Two empty plates, two empty mugs and the faint whiff of bacon lingering in the air. Oh God. Definitely not a dream. Maybe some sort of mental breakdown then, I thought, with just a faint edge of hope. Even that scenario seemed preferable to the reality creeping into my mind like the early morning sunshine filtering into the hallway. Tiptoeing down the corridor, I stopped outside the guest bedroom, gently pushing open the door, hoping against hope that it would be empty. There, sprawled over the double bed, his long limbs tangled in the white sheets was the new man in my life, Jimmy Mack. No dream, but a living nightmare.

The doorbell rang again, more insistently this time.

‘Coming,’ I called hastily, trying to rid myself of the overwhelming sense of guilt I felt. OK, so there was a dead man in my flat, but it wasn’t as if I was personally responsible or anything like that.

‘About time,’ grinned Lexie, holding open her arms for our customary hug, as she stood in the doorway. Purple tufts of wayward hair framed her elfin features. A multi-coloured stripy short skirt, mauve leggings and black T-shirt completed her inimitable look.

‘What kept you?’ she asked, as she swept past me. ‘Didn’t get you out of bed, did I?’

‘No,’ I stuttered. Lexie would be onto all of this in a matter of minutes. ‘I was just getting ready actually.’

‘Really,’ she said slowly, inflecting that one word with a whole lot of meaning. Her eyes wide she marched around my flat like a police officer on a raid, her eyes scanning the remains of last night’s impromptu supper party. ‘I haven’t interrupted anything here, have I?’

‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ I said a little too defensively. ‘Sarah popped round last night, that’s all. It was late by the time she left. I just didn’t get round to cleaning up.’

‘Sarah, eh? Do I know her?’ That familiar impish grin rested on her lips as she looked at me through narrowed eyes and then she took off running down my hallway flinging open the door to the guest bedroom.

‘No, don’t!’ I screamed, but it was too late. With my heart in my mouth, I watched as Lexie surveyed the contents of my spare room. I squeezed my eyes tight and held my breath.

‘Disappointing as ever, Alice,’ she sighed, a look of contempt on her face. ‘I must admit though you had me going there for a moment. I really thought I might find some hunk hiding beneath the bed for once.’

My breathing steadied for a moment.

‘If I had anyone in my flat why on earth would I be hiding him away?’ I said, feeling only slightly aggrieved that the idea of a man being in my bedroom was so outrageous. The commotion must have woken Jimmy, surely? Hopefully he’d done the sensible thing and made himself scarce.Mind you, thinking about it there wasn’t a whole host of hiding places, just the bed, a small cupboard and a pile of ironing overflowing from a wicker chair. I was pretty certain he couldn’t be lurking under there. Perhaps he was performing some spectral hanging out of the window manoeuvre.

‘Hmm, I suppose,’ said Lexie, her interest evaporating. She wandered off in the direction of the kitchen. ‘I’ll stick the kettle on, shall I? I’m dying for a coffee.’

‘Um, yeah, great,’ I said, taking up the spot just vacated by my sister realising Jimmy hadn’t performed any disappearing act at all. He was still there on the bed where I’d last seen him, all 6’2” tanned, toned inches of him, completely sparko. I could even detect the slightest hint of a snore coming from out of his mouth. At that precise moment he rolled over displaying a very decent torso and much more in the process.

Jimmy Mack, recently deceased, was as large as life in my bedroom seemingly apparent only to me. What on earth was I going to do with him? Apart from watch over him all day which at that moment didn’t seem such a bad idea The bacon sandwich and restorative night’s sleep had clearly done him the power of good; his skin now radiated an almost healthy glow, the washed-out grey look of yesterday thankfully gone.

Quietly, I pulled the door shut, breathing quickly, hoping against hope that when I came to open it again, my visiting ghost would have decided to take up residence elsewhere.

‘So I thought we’d go down to the village and do some shopping,’ Lexie called. ‘I’m on the lookout for a cape, something goth-ish. I’m sure they’ll have something on the market.’

Glad of the distraction, I followed her into the kitchen.

‘Great,’ I said, thinking some fresh air might give me some much-needed thinking space, time in which to decide what to do with Jimmy Mack. ‘Although I can’t be long. I have some work to do.’

‘At the weekend? I hope they’re paying you overtime.’

‘Oh it’s just some loose ends I need to tie up. You know me, I don’t like leaving any jobs unfinished.’

But it wasn’t work that was troubling me so much as what to do about my unexpected house guest. Mentally I’d drawn up a plan of action.

Check Yellow Pages.

Google ghosts and how to get rid of them.

And then I was stumped. Check Tripadvisor for heavenly resorts?

Aargh, it was hopeless.

At work I was used to things being thrown at me; could I organise an eleventh-hour meeting with executives from three different continents? No problem.

Book the flights, find hotels, arrange conferences? Leave it with me.

Field my boss’s telephone calls, emails and unplanned personal visits? All part of my day’s work.

Schedule his diary, pacify his team, deal with irate customers, galvanise the sales force? Absolutely.

But could I point a wayward soul to his proper destination in the universe – absolutely no flipping way. I didn’t know where to begin.

I threw back the coffee, wishing it was something stronger, and was just about to go off for my shower when Jimmy appeared in the living room with the tiniest of towels covering his modesty and a huge grin upon his face.

‘So this is your sister then, is it? Aren’t you going to introduce me?’

My mouth gaped opened, but words completely failed me. There was a near-naked man parading himself in my living room. A stunningly gorgeous one at that. My stomach went into free fall as I looked from Jimmy across to Lexie who was completely oblivious to my discomfort before my gaze returned to Jimmy’s resplendent form. I sighed inwardly, as my breath caught in my throat, desire trickling through my veins. This guy was known as a smooth operator; easy on the eye with an open charming manner, but in the flesh, up close and personal, his physical attributes were more captivating than I could ever have imagined.

It was all I could do to stop myself from screaming, ‘Oh my God, Lexie, have you clocked the pecs on that!’

Instead I did another quick glance between Lexie and Jimmy and said, involuntarily, ‘Lexie.’

‘Yeah?’ she quickly countered.

This was freaky. She must be able to see him, to catch the smile currently hovering on his lips, to hear his warm nut-brown voice ricocheting off the small walls of my flat. But she was totally oblivious to his overpowering physical presence.

‘Oh, I’ll just get ready then and we’ll go shall we?’

‘Great. You don’t mind if I switch on the telly while I’m waiting, do you?’

‘No. You go ahead,’ I said, backing out of the room as I watched Jimmy join my sister on the sofa. What she’d think about having an almost naked sex idol rubbing thighs with her, I didn’t want to imagine.

‘She looks nothing like you, does she?’ he called, throwing a glance my way.

I shrugged and threw a glare back. What did he expect me to say?

‘Won’t be long!’ Even I could hear the note of hysterical desperation in my voice.

To be honest, I couldn’t wait to get out of the flat. Less than sixteen hours ago Jimmy and I had been strangers. And now we were in the unenviable position of being stuck with each other for goodness knows how long. Like being fixed up on a blind date and knowing from the off that it was a non-starter, but still having to sit through the entire evening making polite conversation.

I was in and out of the shower in a jiffy, threw on some jeans and my favourite pink jersey top and applied a quick covering of brown mascara to my lashes, a dab of bronzer to my cheeks and a lick of gloss to my lips.

‘OK, let’s go,’ I said, grabbing my handbag, but it seemed Lexie wasn’t about to go anywhere.

‘God, it’s unbelievable, isn’t it?’ she said, zapping the TV off with the remote control and sighing exaggeratedly.

I was beginning to think, uncharitably, that Jimmy was revelling in all this attention. He looked across at me, a smug look upon his face and shrugged his shoulders.

‘What?’ I said, not really needing to ask the question.

‘Jimmy Mack. Dying like that. So suddenly. Who’d have thought it?’

‘Hmm, I know, it’s very sad,’ I sighed, trying my best to muster up some sympathy, but to be frank I was all sympathied out. Especially when the object of my sister’s sympathy was sitting right next to her wearing next to nothing, seemingly enjoying the fact that we were deep in discussion about him.

‘You just wonder what really happened, don’t you?’

‘It doesn’t bear thinking about really.’ I sighed. ‘He probably just lost control at the wheel.’

‘Hmm, it’s a bit odd though, isn’t it? I mean the road and weather conditions were perfect so what caused him to come off the road like that? We probably don’t know the half of it yet. Maybe he was into drink or drugs.’

‘Oh pleeaaase,’ Jimmy said so vehemently I was sure Lexie would hear.

‘I don’t think so,’ I said. ‘He didn’t seem the type.’

Jimmy nodded approvingly.

‘A lot of those celebrities are, you know. Perhaps he’d been at some drink and drugs-fuelled orgy and it sent him over the edge. Or maybe he was involved in some sordid sex scandal that was about to be exposed to the world and he topped himself.’

‘Good grief, does your sister make a habit of slagging off poor unsuspecting celebrities? I’ve never touched drugs in my life. OK, so maybe I like the odd glass of champagne. Who doesn’t? But I certainly hadn’t been drinking that day. Really!’ He chewed on the inside of his lip, shaking his head at Lexie. ‘Put her straight, would you, before I do her for defamation of character.’

I smiled, feeling thankful now that Lexie wasn’t aware of Jimmy’s overpowering near-naked presence after all.

‘Jimmy was the real housewives’ favourite. He couldn’t be seen to be doing anything dodgy. Besides, he always seemed to me to be a true gentleman. Honest and caring. No, I can’t imagine there were any skeletons in his cupboards.’

‘Aw, that’s such a nice thing to say.’ Jimmy beamed under the weight of my compliment. ‘Thanks, Alice.’

‘Huh, and when did you become such a fan of JM anyway?’ Lexie said, spoiling the moment. ‘You always said he was a bit too smooth, a bit too squeaky-clean. I don’t like to speak ill of the dead, but honestly, I’d rather have Barney Roberts any time of the day.’

I paused, suddenly aware of Jimmy’s laser-like stare bearing down on me. Lexie took my hesitation for complicit agreement.

‘Come on, you have to admit Barney has something special going on.’

An awkward silence punctured the air as I searched for something to say.

‘You have a thing for Barney Roberts?’ Jimmy spat the words out as he ran his hands through his hair, looking indignant. ‘Please tell me it isn’t true. Really Alice, if you knew him, you’d never think that way. The guy’s a complete loser. What on earth would you see in him?’

I shrugged helplessly, giving up the search for something placatory to say.

Lexie though was in full-on swooning mode, as she examined her fingernails, deep in thought.