Look Up

Copyright

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First published in Great Britain by HQ in 2020

Copyright © Sarah Cruddas 2020

Sarah Cruddas asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

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Ebook Edition © September 2020 ISBN: 9780008358297

Version 2020-08-19

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 Page numbers taken from the following print edition: ISBN 9780008358273

For Agatha Reeves, the brightest star in the sky.

Contents

Cover

Title Page

Copyright

Note to Readers

Dedication

Foreword by Michael Collins

Introduction

Prologue: Daring to Dream

Chapter One: The Space Race

Chapter Two: Dedication, Determination and Sacrifice

Chapter Three: Space on Earth

Chapter Four: Where Next?

Chapter Five: Look Back

About the Publisher

Foreword

In 1969, when I went to the Moon as part of the crew of Apollo 11, it was a dream come true. I had somehow lucked into being one third of the team that was going to do this wonderful thing. I had stumbled in at the right time, at the cusp between the old and the new.

We crew felt the weight of the world on our shoulders. We knew that everybody – friend or foe – would be looking at us. We wanted to do the best we possibly could. I wasn’t scared, but I was worried. How could you fail to be, when you are undertaking something so extraordinary?

I always think of a flight to the Moon as being a long and fragile daisy chain of events. No matter how well things were going, I couldn’t just relax and pat myself on the back. The flight was a question of being under constant tension, worried about what’s coming next, and asking ourselves, what do I have to do now to keep this daisy chain intact? There were so many people involved in this mission, so many people counting on us and working for that same goal.

As I reflect on the work of a new generation of space technology, and the story that Look Up tells us, I feel the sense of that daisy chain still. It’s our responsibility to keep that mission – that daisy chain – intact and moving forward; inspiring the next generation of adventurers.

As we prepared for Apollo 11, we spent a lot of time in simulators to be as ready as we could be for what we’d encounter. These simulators were at the heart and soul of our training. They were very powerful instruments and we couldn’t have made it to the moon without them. But their one failing? They couldn’t duplicate the view that we saw out of the window. To see the Moon up close is indescribable. It filled our window with its gigantic presence. Its belly bulging out towards us, bigger than you thought possible. Sunlight cascaded around its rim. The dark was somehow darker. The light was lighter. It was a magnificent spectacle. One few of us have had the honor to see.

If our story with the stars has taught us anything, it’s that humankind has an innate desire to be outward bound, to continue traveling. People don’t want to live in a box. They want to look up into the sky. They want to see things that they do not understand, to come to know them better, perhaps even physically go there and examine them. To see, to smell, to touch, to feel. We are wanderers. And eventually humans are going to leave and go places and live there. When I look up to the sky, I see all these miraculous, marvelous things. All I can think is we ought to lift the lid of that box and get going. On the occasions when I look at the Moon, I think, been there, done that! I regard the Moon, not so much as a destination, but as a direction for humanity’s migration.

It’s Mars that excites me the most, now. It was my favorite as a child, and still is today. When I came back from the Moon, I joked that NASA sent me to the wrong planet. Mars is the one we should have our eye on. Though it is inhospitable, it is the closest thing in our solar system that we have to a sister planet and going there would be a fascinating new frontier.

After the flight of Apollo 11, I remember so vividly the around the world trip that the three of us – Neil, Buzz and myself – took. We were surprised that everywhere we went, every city we visited, we were greeted not with ‘oh well you Americans finally did it’. But we were greeted with we did it. We humanity. We human beings. I think we have to build on that spirit as we continue to explore.

Because if there is one thing more extraordinary even than seeing the Moon, it is seeing the Earth. As Apollo 8 astronaut Bill Anders pointed out, when you are up there, if you put your thumbnail in front of Earth, you could totally obscure it. But I found every time I removed my thumb, the Earth popped back into my view. It wanted to be seen. It was the whole show. It was my home, everything I knew. The white clouds and blue of the ocean. Background totally black. I will remember that all my life. It leaves one to consider, well, is it really so pretty? Is it as quiet as it looks? Is it really so pristine? As I looked at it, the word ‘fragile’ came up out of the murk somehow. I thought, it’s a fragile little thing, isn’t it?

And I don’t think we are treating its fragility properly. Technology has brought us great benefits, but it has also come at a cost. We are using the Earth’s resources at a rate unseen before. It seems that nearly every advance in our civilization has had some undesirable side effects, and it’s up to the next generation of engineers, explorers, and thinkers, to forge a path that will help our planet, so that it can truly become the beautiful, tranquil gem it seems to be when viewed from the Moon.

During Apollo, the words of JFK helped us so much in our preparation for the first lunar landing. We had these succinct, wonderful instructions. And I’d like to transfer the spirit of President Kennedy’s words from where we are today, to where we might go. The simplicity of his mandate of ‘landing a man on the moon and returning him safely to the Earth’ motivated those of us working to get to that goal. Future spaceflight can be limitless; using Kennedy’s model, the What, When, and How will be determined by new generations. Whether that’s a flight to Mars to take our next steps to the frontier, or to meet that challenge of climate change and our planet’s finite resources head on, more people should be privileged to fly in space and get the chance to see the fragile earth as it appears from afar. I am happy to see the younger generation’s excitement at continuing the legacy of outward bound. Sarah Cruddas is a gifted writer and Look Up is an inspired book. I am hopeful that we will never stop looking up.

Michael Collins, Gemini 10 and Apollo 11 astronaut, July 2020

Introduction

‘I am tormented by an everlasting itch for things remote.’

Herman Melville

I have never been to space. And it is most likely that neither have you. In fact, of the more than 100 billion humans that are estimated to have ever existed, fewer than 600 have made the journey away from our planet. Of those 600, only 24 have ventured as far as the Moon, with just 12 walking on its surface.

Before the middle of the twentieth century, the entire history of our species played out on a world that for so long was grand and full of mystery to us, but on a cosmic scale is frighteningly small – our home and everything we hold dear is but a speck in the vastness of the unknown. That is not to say that we are insignificant per se, merely that we are a mindbogglingly tiny part of something that we are yet to fully understand.

However, all of us alive today are living in a time when going to space is no longer a fantasy. In fact, it is something that has been proven to be possible; something that we perhaps even take for granted; and something that is rapidly developing and becoming an increasingly important part of our lives – often without us realising. We are part of a small but ever-growing fraction of our species that exists in a time when we are able to step outside our Earthly home and begin to explore the unknowns of the universe.

The exploration of space is the most significant thing we will ever do collectively as a species. That might sound like a bold statement to make, but in setting foot into the grandeur of the universe, we are beginning to explore what it is that our planet is a part of. In doing so, we are pursuing answers to profound questions; ones that have been pondered by great minds throughout human existence.

Why do we exist? Where do we come from? Where are we heading? Are we alone? It is in our DNA to seek these answers. The same curiosity that has driven us to explore our Earth is now taking us to space. But in many ways, space exploration is as much about philosophy and a search for meaning as it is science. It is only by continuing to explore our surroundings that we can continue to find out more about ourselves.

Of course, sending humans and machines into space has brought many practical benefits, as well as literally changing our point of view of Earth. In space, we can conduct science experiments to help us better understand everything from the smallest cells in our body to the entire ecosystem of our planet. And it has shown us just how fragile our home really is. Astronauts can look back at Earth and see the thin blue line of our atmosphere; all that protects us and keeps us safe, we now know is overwhelmingly fragile.

It is one thing to say this, it is another thing to experience this first-hand, and to see Earth from space – a fragile marble hanging in the void, a long way from anything else. Seeing our home from this new vantage point has enabled us to gain knowledge about changes to our climate that are taking place and the inevitable problems we face should we not take action to limit them.

Most of all, the reason why space exploration is so significant is because it is our future. We cannot and should not remain still on our planet when we have the capabilities to leave it and see what is out there beyond the ‘horizon’. It is that innate curiosity and yearning to push the boundaries of what is possible that has given us the world of today. And it is by continuing to explore our universe that we can give a future to generations to come – a future that perhaps we cannot quite imagine, just as previous generations could not have imagined the world we live in today. We owe it to them to keep moving. There is more to this universe than our Earthly home. In many ways, our survival as the human race is intrinsically linked to our curiosity and our ability to keep exploring.

But with all that is wrong in the world today, why should we focus our resources on space? Are there not more pressing needs here on Earth? There are so many problems facing us – from climate change, to political corruption, social injustice and the fact that the richest eight people on the planet have more wealth than the poorest three and a half billion. But the argument made by some that we shouldn’t go to space and should instead look to the issues on Earth is misguided. I want to show you how so much of what we do in space is really about Earth, and how science conducted in space really does benefit every single person on the planet. Space is for everyone.

I have always been fascinated by space. One of my first memories is of looking up at the Moon and the night sky, using a pair of children’s binoculars to stare at the lunar surface. I didn’t know anyone who was a scientist, or an astronomer, but for as long as I can remember, space has been my passion.

When I was around eight years old, we learnt about the planets at school. I can vividly remember finding out about Venus and how it had this choking thick atmosphere. I was in awe of the different places that existed within our solar system – these worlds that were so strange and alien compared with our Earth. I consumed books, magazines and television documentaries about space, often ones far too advanced for my age. I had an insatiable appetite for learning more about this universe that we are a part of.

I spent my paper-round money on Glowstars that I arranged into the shapes of the constellations on my bedroom ceiling and I put up maps of the Moon’s surface on my wall. I had a telescope and binoculars which I would use to explore the lunar surface, imagining what it must have been like for the astronauts who went there. I spent hours thinking about the possibility of one day going to space myself – what it would be like to ride a rocket, to float free in the microgravity environment, perhaps even to walk on the surface of Mars. Looking up filled me with wonder and gave me purpose.

My childhood was spent living on the outskirts of Hull. We had little money, but the stories I read about astronauts showed me that so much was possible through hard work and determination. My love of space became my driving force to work hard at my studies. I would constantly dream about the possibilities to come in the future – seeing humans travelling further away from Earth and setting foot on Mars.

As a teenager, I worked in a factory packing fruit so that I could pay to attend a space summer school in the UK and self-fund a GCSE in astronomy, which I taught myself at home. I just wanted to learn as much as possible. The more I learnt, the more questions I was left with. Everything fascinated me – from the origins of the universe to the wonders of the planets in our solar system.

In the year 2000, I entered a competition called the Young Scientist Award; the prize was a week at NASA’s International Space Camp in Huntsville, Alabama. I can still remember the feeling of the knot in my stomach as I stepped out on stage to give my science presentation to an audience of hundreds of children and adults. My talk – which teenage me had smugly titled ‘Where do babies come from?’ – was the story of how you and I and everything we know of all come from stardust. The very atoms in your body were once part of a star. We are all part of the universe.

You can never underestimate the impact that giving an opportunity to a child can have on their future. I won the competition and travelled to NASA’s Space Camp, a place that had previously seemed as far removed from the reality of my childhood as the Moon. It was an opportunity that taught me more about the value of hard work – that if you work hard, it doesn’t matter where you come from, you can succeed. I would later go on to study Physics with Astrophysics at university, with ambitions of doing a PhD.

But somewhere along the line I got sidetracked. Instead of starting a PhD, after university I found myself training to become a journalist. My love of exploring the stars now sat alongside my newfound love of travel. As a student I had roamed around South America and it had opened my eyes to just how much inequality existed. I now wanted to show people the world, what I had seen. I wanted to tell stories. However, as any young person with big plans knows, you’ve got to start somewhere, and after stints as a freelance radio reporter, my first job was working for the BBC as a weather presenter for regional news.

But my passion for space stayed with me and so, alongside my day job, I decided to try to cover stories about space exploration in my free time. I interviewed astronauts and reported on the latest events, from meteor showers to missions to the planet Jupiter. Often I would get up at 3.30am to work an early presenting shift, then travel in the afternoon to interview someone. For a long time, it was only the overnight radio shows that would take my pieces about space, so I would find myself doing a pre-recorded broadcast at 10pm, before getting up in the early hours for my main job.

In July 2011, the Space Shuttle was scheduled to launch for the final time. I had never seen a rocket launch, but I knew I had to be there. I took three weeks’ leave from the BBC and bought a flight to Florida. There wasn’t really the need for an extra reporter, and I had no commissions, but I reasoned if I ‘just happened to be there’ they might use me. It was a gamble that paid off: not only did I witness the launch, but thirteen days later I found myself sat with my broadcast kit talking live on the radio as Space Shuttle Atlantis touched down in front of me – a defining moment for human spaceflight, the end of the shuttle programme.

Those three weeks in Florida changed me. I lived in a house on Cocoa Beach (not far from the Kennedy Space Center) with strangers who would become friends. I met scientists and experts within the industry. My days were spent at NASA and my nights in bars that were once frequented by America’s first astronauts. The ‘welcome home’ banner for Atlantis that hangs at the Kennedy Space Center and that is covered in autographs includes my name. I felt like I was no longer an observer or a fan of the space industry, but that I was a part of it. And I learnt that if you really want something, you have to go after it. Life is not a dress rehearsal.

I ended up leaving my weather presenting job in 2012 to follow my dreams. I wanted to be part of the space industry, to tell stories about space exploration and show people the possibilities of our future. I wanted to use tales of those pioneers who helped us reach beyond Earth to show why space matters, and to inspire as many people as possible in their own lives. Through social media I saw how much enthusiasm there is for space – even though, at the time, the media appetite for it had waned.

The end of the Space Shuttle programme brought redundancies for many who had worked on it. NASA astronauts were no longer launching from American soil, and for a time, there was an uncertainty about what would happen next. The area around the Kennedy Space Center in Florida, once so busy and energised, felt eerily quiet. But in this lull, things started to change, and the commercial space industry, backed by private companies and entrepreneurs, started to grow. It was this new approach to space exploration that really captured my imagination.

Today, my job is a mix of working within the commercial space industry and with the public on television and radio, and by giving talks around the world. I have worked with and shared stages with astronauts, famous entrepreneurs, business leaders and politicians, travelling the globe and sharing my passion for space and how we can shape our future away from Earth. I have chased rocket launches and hosted TV shows on both sides of the Atlantic. My love of travel now forms part of my work, too.

My career has seen successes and moments that my younger self could have only dreamed of, but also many failures. It is one thing that my love of space and, particularly, my knowledge of the story of space exploration taught me as a child: you will probably fail, but you have to keep going. You won’t get everything right, and you can’t control all that happens to you, but it is how you deal with failing that matters most.

Today, NASA – which I so nervously walked into as a teenager – is a place I know well. I have been lucky enough to watch countless sunsets from Cocoa Beach in Florida, and this area around the Kennedy Space Center is one of my favourite places in the world. Not only is it full of history that dates back to when we first stepped away from Earth, but it is also a place full of possibility, and history yet to be written. Happily, it is also now once again thriving with many new space companies, as space slowly becomes more accessible to us all.

When people ask me why I care so much, my answer is always the same: why would you not be interested in space? It is the story of who we are. There is so much to explore and discover. Why wouldn’t you want to be a part of finding out what is out there?

Wherever I go and whatever I do, I always remember to look up at the stars – be that insisting on taking the window seat on a night flight so I can glimpse the Moon, or simply stepping outside of wherever I happen to be staying in a far-flung corner of the world. Those moments spent looking up continue to inspire me and to fuel my passion as to why exploring space matters so much. A human lifetime is so terrifyingly short, but I hope that I can use my time to play a small part in advancing humanity into space. You never know who you might end up inspiring. My contribution to our species’ future is to play a tiny part in the space industry – this great adventure into the universe that is only just beginning.

A lot of the time, space exploration can seem far removed from our day-to-day lives. But the reality is that it is far closer than you perhaps realise. According to NASA, space begins at just 50 miles up – though there is some dispute about this, with other international organisations saying space begins at just over 60 miles. The discrepancy is because the Earth’s atmosphere does not end abruptly, instead slowly thinning. There is no sign announcing, ‘You are now leaving Earth’.

The distance from where you are now ‘up’ to the International Space Station – our ‘off-world’ outpost and home to normally six astronauts at any one time – is less than the distance between Newcastle and London: roughly 250 miles. Anyone born after November 2000 has never known a time when humans haven’t been living and working in space, as the International Space Station has been permanently crewed by a rotation of astronauts since then.

A journey from launch to orbit, though, is shorter than to the docking stations at the ISS, taking just eight and a half minutes. So not only is space far closer that you might realise, but today it doesn’t even take very long to get there. Yet making this journey ‘up’ just a matter of miles is something that would take humankind until the last century to be able to achieve.