Heart Of Courage

But she knew she could never do that. So much for keeping Cooper on the other side of the door every time she went to see the midwife. After this he was involved, and it would be petty to tell him otherwise.

Horror struck her. Did that mean he’d be there during the birth? She so wasn’t ready for that.

‘Let’s go home,’ Cooper said thirty minutes later.

Home. Yes. She needed that—somewhere to relax, unwind, forget the fears that had blitzed her today. ‘Let’s,’ she agreed.

Then she stumbled. Home? With Cooper? No. She was going back to his house for a few days until she had her apartment fixed up. That would be home. Not Cooper’s place.

‘You okay?’ he asked warily.

‘Yes,’ she snapped.

‘I’ll drop you off and head into the hospital. I need to touch base with the unit before I start.’

‘I’ll get a taxi.’ When his eyebrows rose and his mouth tightened she added, ‘I’ll visit Mum and Dad.’ Ask for a room.

‘No, Sophie, You need to rest and put today’s scare behind you, not go getting uptight about your parents.’

He was right. Of course. One more night at his house couldn’t hurt. Could it?

CHAPTER SEVEN

COOPER STRODE DOWN the corridor towards the surgical unit, relieved to have left Sophie at home.

As long as she stayed there. Though he doubted she was in any hurry to see her parents. What really was going on in that family? The less Sophie told him about herself the more he wanted to know.

Talk about getting under his skin. He needed to put space between them. Needed to get back on track with being a support person for the mother of his child, no more, no less. Needed to remember he didn’t do relationships of the close and personal kind, and to do so would be to the detriment of Sophie and the baby. And him.

What was he afraid of? That he’d take them in then send them packing when they got too close, and demanded more of him than he had to give? Turn Sophie into one of those women Dad had coming and going? She couldn’t get close if he kept the barriers up. Couldn’t hurt him if he didn’t allow her in.

Under your skin already, remember?

Then there was the baby. A whole other story. He’d never walk away from his daughter. Which meant he’d never walk away from Sophie. He wouldn’t feel incapable of looking after them and opt out for ever, as his mother had. The only thing he was incapable of was loving Sophie. Oh, and making up his mind about how far to press her to stay under his roof where he could do a better job of looking out for them.

When she’d dropped to the ground earlier his heart had stopped. Throw in her fears about the baby not moving and he’d come up with a dreadful scenario. Stroke or, worse, a fatal heart attack. His hands had been shaking as he’d touched her, reached to find a pulse. Even when he’d felt the steady thump, thump of blood pounding through her body it’d taken minutes for his panic to back off. He didn’t want to lose Sophie. Not now. Not ever.

He wasn’t making a lot of sense with this. Who would in the circumstances? If only Sophie would get out of his head, give him quiet time when he wasn’t actually with her. But no. She was in there, tap-tapping away at his resolve to remain uninvolved, making him resent her for getting him in a lather over everything. She was forcing him to face up to his mother’s suicide and how he hadn’t forgiven her for deserting him.

If his mum had got help for her obsessive, compulsive excessive disorder his life would’ve been so different. All their lives would’ve been different. He might even be able to fall in love without thinking up a hundred reasons why that was bad for him and the other person involved.

Cooper stopped to stare out a window onto the motorway below. What if he stopped fighting this? Gave up and took things as they occurred? Dealt with imagined shootings and lack of kicks systematically? Helped Sophie move into that grot box of an apartment instead of trying to talk her out of it? Surely then he’d get past these feelings of need, of wanting to spend more time with her. Emotions that came from his desire to do the right thing, nothing else.

Get it? Nothing else.

‘Cooper? That you?’ a woman called from somewhere further down the corridor.

He recognised the sultry voice instantly. ‘Svetlana, good to see you.’ The last person he wanted right this minute.

She reached him and wrapped her arms around him. ‘Where have you been? I’ve missed you.’

‘Oh, you know. Offshore with the army.’ He shrugged out of the hug. ‘You’re looking as lovely as ever.’ Yuk. How crass. That speculative gleam in Svetlana’s eyes needed a dose of cold reality fast, not encouragement. He knew how she operated, had been a willing participant in the past, but was not interested now.

Her smile widened and her tongue peeked out at the corner of her mouth. ‘Army life has been good for you.’ She squeezed his biceps.

Cooper took another step back. What had he seen in her? Uncomplicated sex. The only answer. They’d had some fun encounters, yet now he felt nothing, no frisson of excitement. Nothing. Just an image of Sophie shimmering in his mind. ‘Can’t complain.’

Svetlana followed, stepping closer, her cloying sweet perfume a thick cloud around her. ‘Want to have some fun tonight, or one night this week?’

‘Thanks, but I’m tied up all week.’ Come on. ‘In fact, I’m busy most of the time.’

She blinked rapidly. ‘You haven’t gone and got yourself all hooked up with a little wifey, now, have you?’ Her smirk suggested she knew full well what his answer would be.

No, he hadn’t. Wasn’t ever likely to. But that didn’t mean he was available for a quick romp either.

You always have been in the past.

Exactly. In the past. Not now. Not since—Sophie.

‘Nice catching up, Svetlana.’ He deliberately glanced at his watch. ‘I’m running late for an appointment. See you around.’

Cooper strode away, feeling guilty for his abrupt dismissal but also relieved to be away from the woman. Unfortunately there’d be no avoiding her completely since her white coat with the stethoscope hanging from the pocket suggested she worked here. Obviously she still overdid wearing the gear even when not required so as to show who and what she was.

Unlike Dr Ingram. Happy to wear fatigues or shorts and T-shirt, Sophie preferred casual in her approach to doctoring. Until she was with a patient, and then everyone knew her role. That day in Bamiyan she’d taken charge of caring for Kelly, calm despite her shock, completely cognisant of the medical details despite the fear in her eyes. Everyone who had worked on Kelly had settled into doing their jobs quickly—all because of Sophie’s professional and quiet manner.

Even him. For a moment after the explosion when the bullets had started to fly he’d been terrified for his life, and for that of the beautiful woman he’d met only minutes earlier. He’d leapt to cover her body, fearful of either of them taking a direct hit, and once they had been back on their feet the shakes had set in. If not for Sophie he might’ve run screaming for the hills. Okay, maybe not. But it would’ve taken him a lot longer to settle down enough to help the wounded without leaping into the air at every loud noise.

He turned into the surgical unit and went to find Shaun Langford, the head of department and former mentor from his years specialising right here.

‘Hi, Cooper. We’re looking forward to working with you again,’ a nurse told him, and the receptionist nodded in agreement.

‘Thanks, ladies. It’s good to be back.’ It really was. So much so there was a spring in his step as he reached Shaun’s office. He was coming home, back to a place he’d enjoyed, where people he’d liked still worked, where he knew his role and gave it his all. Yeah, could be he’d made the right decision for his future without being aware of it.

So career move sorted. That only left his personal life.

* * *

Sophie sat back on her heels to admire the stacks of carefully folded baby clothes on her bedroom floor. ‘Not bad, if I say so myself.’

‘Talking to yourself is not a good sign.’

Cooper. Her skin heated at the sound of that gravelly voice. ‘You’re home early.’ There went her quiet time. Over the last two days she’d spent the afternoons pottering around his house, pretending she lived here, as in permanently, and loving every moment of it. Cooper had an eclectic collection of furniture that made her smile. There was endless redecorating required, yet it didn’t matter. The house was warm and cosy, like no place she’d lived in before.

As for all those images of the good-looking hunk standing beside her right now, they’d be the bane of her life, appearing too easily, often doing her head in. She needed to be getting her A into G and making the apartment ready to move into, but it seemed too much of an effort. Staying with Cooper was the soft option. And more exciting. There was also a certain closeness between them in the way he took her BP every morning, noted what she ate. He’d soon drive her crazy with all the attention and then she’d leave.

If she could. The sense of belonging that wrapped around her every time she came through the front door would be hard to walk away from. The essence of this house was Cooper. It said, Take me as I am. If that wasn’t Cooper Daniels, then what was?

Right now he was reaching a hand down to help her up off her haunches. ‘I haven’t officially started yet.’

Pushing to her feet, not an easy or pretty manoeuvre these days, she said, ‘So you go to the hospital first thing every day because I’m under your feet?’ If he stayed at home she might’ve got to work on her list. Baby furniture was an urgent requirement. If baby made her appearance now she’d be sorely in need of just about everything. Except clothes.

His hand fell away from her elbow. ‘Thought I’d go with you to the car yard, see if you can’t find something half-decent to get around in.’

‘That’s not necessary.’ She could find her own car—with the help of an Automobile Association mechanic. If she ever got around to arranging that.

‘You don’t want a car?’ He was being deliberately obtuse.

She could be likewise, hopefully keep him a little distant. ‘I’m aiming for a SUV.’

‘Then let’s go find you one.’

‘No, Cooper. This is mine to do.’ She was quite capable of finding her own vehicle, just not of doing it right away.

‘Fine. Then let’s go look at cots and beds and tables. At the moment your baby will be sleeping on the floor, and so will her mother.’

‘Again, my problem.’ Why was she being belligerent? Cooper was only trying to help. She should be pleased. In fact, why was she so reluctant to do any of the things she’d been busting to do while waiting in Darwin to come home? ‘I did book an appointment with a midwife for tomorrow.’ One thing off the list.

‘What’s up, Sophie?’

‘Nothing. I bought clothes, nappies by the carton, and some cute little toys this morning.’ Three hours in the mall had had her staggering under all the bags of goodies. Not practical things but adorable baby things in every colour of the rainbow. They were all that interested her at the moment. So unlike her not to be charging through the stores, picking out what she needed and getting them delivered fast.

‘You bought loads of all of those yesterday.’ Amusement lightened his eyes to that pewter shade she adored and turned her insides to mush.

‘True.’ There wasn’t much space to move in this room, the floor being covered in bags from every baby outlet within a five-kilometre radius. ‘Leave it, Cooper. I’m having fun.’

I am? Shopping till I drop, getting so many baby outfits that most of them will never be worn, by this baby at least, is fun?

‘Think about it. I haven’t been near malls since I left New Zealand nearly eleven months ago. I didn’t bother in Darwin, not needing much because I wore a uniform.’

‘We’re going out.’ His amusement had vanished.

‘To the car dealer or the furniture shops?’ she called after him, letting annoyance flare up. It was easier to deal with his high-handed attitude that way, and it pushed aside the sudden yearning to rip their clothes off and make wild, passionate love.

He was back at the doorway. ‘My baby is not sleeping on the floor. Neither is she going without a safe car to ride in. We’ll start with the furniture.’

‘There’s nowhere to store it until I get the keys to the apartment.’ Her desire was rapidly abating.

‘Then we’ll put it all in my third bedroom.’

‘You’re taking charge,’ she growled. Though it made sense. Someone had to since her baby brain was obviously incapable. But she wasn’t telling him that.

‘Too right I am.’

* * *

‘Who’d have thought there were so many choices?’ Sophie muttered as she strolled down yet another aisle in the baby furniture warehouse. ‘Here I’d been thinking a bassinet was just a bassinet.’

‘You hadn’t figured on choosing between turned, stained wood or plain, painted wood; between pink, blue, white or every other colour under the sun. Or one with a shelf at the bottom or not.’ Cooper grinned at her. His mood had lifted since they’d arrived at the massive outlet. ‘And that’s only the actual bassinet. Which mattress and flounces do you like?’

But she was distracted. ‘How about those cute bunnies to string across the top for baby to look at?’

‘She’s supposed to sleep in this thing, not lie awake, staring at plastic baubles.’ His grin widened, and excitement crept into his eyes.

‘Right, then we’ll go for the basic, no-frills version.’ Not likely, but she could pull his strings. That excitement was tightening her belly and turning this into an adventure.

‘I’m having the classy, stained wood one, with that pink flounce that has elephants cavorting over it.’

‘You’re buying a bassinet?’ That had not been part of today’s excursion.

‘Of course I am. Where else will baby sleep when she’s with me?’ The excitement dimmed, and his mouth tightened. ‘I need to duplicate everything you get.’

‘She can’t stay with you. I’ll be breastfeeding.’ Why hadn’t that occurred to her? Of course Cooper would want his daughter to stay with him sometimes. She’d even suggested it. But that had been in the future, not until their daughter was on a bottle and no longer brand-new.

A warm hand descended on her shoulder. ‘You’re winding yourself up over nothing. I just want to be prepared for when my daughter does spend time with me.’

And she had promised he’d have input in her life, which meant the baby would stay with him. ‘We’d better buy lots of feeding bottles, then.’

The tension instantly evaporated from his face. ‘So let’s really get into this. Two of everything.’

‘Everything?’ She choked as unexpected laughter rolled up her throat. ‘You’re serious, aren’t you?’

‘Yep.’ The excitement was back, and she was glad. Then Cooper grinned. ‘Starting with bassinets. I’m taking that one.’ He tapped the one he’d nodded at earlier.

‘But I like that one.’ She laughed. ‘Though not as keen on the elephants as the butterflies.’

‘It’s mine. I saw it first.’ Then he locked his gaze on hers. ‘Unless you really, really want it.’

She shook her head. ‘It’s yours. I’ve just seen another one I like better. Which baby bath do you think?’

‘We need help here.’ Cooper looked around for a shop assistant and soon had people following them, writing down everything they selected so that deliveries could be made to their respective homes next week.

But slowly Sophie’s enthusiasm died. Why were they doing this? Sure, she needed to set up for her baby, but Cooper? He didn’t need quite as many things as her. It was as though he intended having the baby living with him a lot, not for some weekends when he wasn’t working.

‘I see an in-depth discussion coming on.’ Cooper nudged her as he slid his credit card back into his wallet after paying for everything, against her wishes. ‘What’s up? You not happy with me decking my house out for my daughter?’

She hadn’t thought it through properly when she’d said she’d never prevent him being a part of their child’s life. ‘She’s going to be living with me.’

‘Most of the time, sure. I’m making her comfortable when she visits me, though.’ His mouth tightened. ‘You’re not reneging on your promise of allowing me to be a part of her life?’

‘No, I wouldn’t do that. Never. Not after the way my parents treated me.’ But... ‘We need to draw up legal papers covering custody and what comes about in the event of something happening to me. Or you.’ Sophie wanted to slap her forehead. She’d been very remiss not thinking about this sooner.

‘You are right. We should see a lawyer.’ Taking her elbow, he led her outside to his car. ‘Talk about deflating the moment.’

‘I’m sorry,’ she snapped. ‘Actually, no, I’m not. We were having fun when this is serious. We haven’t thought everything through. There’re so many legal ramifications about being parents it’s terrifying. I’ve been completely irresponsible.’

‘Don’t go blaming yourself, Sophie. I admit none of this had occurred to me either. It would’ve, eventually.’ His sigh was loud and despondent. ‘Why today when I was enjoying myself?’

Her stance softened. ‘Yeah, that was fun, wasn’t it?’ Then she got wound up again. ‘This goes to show how unprepared to be a good mother I am.’

‘We’re not going there. For now we agree we’ll sort out the legal stuff ASAP. In the meantime let’s go home.’

Home. Again that word sank into her like a ball of warmth. If only. ‘Let’s,’ was all she said.

‘How’s the body? I bet you’ve got some major bruises after throwing yourself on the ground.’

‘One or two.’ She ached in a lot of places.

‘You don’t think you need to talk to someone about your reaction to a backfiring car?’ A load of caution laced his question, like he wasn’t sure of her reaction. ‘I’m thinking of the baby and what harm you could cause her throwing yourself down like that. Once she’s born she’ll be more vulnerable if you’re holding her.’

She’d presume he cared, and wasn’t about to tell her she was incompetent to be his daughter’s mother. She also got that he was only concerned about the baby. Fair enough. That’s how she was supposed to want it. A timely reminder that she was still on her own. ‘I saw the shrink in Darwin when I first got there, and was told I did not have PTSD, or if I did it was very mild.’ Despite the annoyance winding up tight inside her, she conceded, ‘But a second time after eight months is concerning.’

‘Maybe you need to talk to someone again. Another opinion won’t hurt.’

Did that count when it came to her ability to be a good mother? ‘I’ll look into it.’

‘I know a good guy. We were in the army together one tour. I’ll give him a ring tomorrow, get you an appointment.’

Forget annoyed. Anger burst out of her mouth. ‘Stop bossing me around. I’ll make my own arrangements, thank you very much.’ She seethed. ‘Who do you think you are? Telling me what to do, who to see, where to shop? It’s got to stop. Now. I was perfectly capable of looking after myself before I met you. Nothing’s changed.’ She was yelling, but seriously? The guy needed a bash over the head.

‘No problem. Just thought I could help, take some of the strain away from you.’

What strain? Babies were delivered every day and no one suffered badly. A yawn ripped through her. She was exhausted, and Cooper wasn’t helping by adding pressure to her already mounting worries. But he was here, had given her a place to stay, and helped organise furniture delivery. Tears spilled down her cheeks. What a mess she was. At sixes and sevens over everything. Another yawn dragged at her. A tired mess.

Yet the moment she walked inside Cooper’s house the tension plaguing her instantly fell away.

Yes, this house was a haven. A home. The kind of place she’d love to come back to at the end of a busy day, or stay put in on days her baby was grizzly.

Her hands splayed across her belly. This had to stop. It was imperative she move into her own place—fast. Turn the apartment into something as comforting as Cooper’s home, without him there. Of course she’d delayed. She didn’t know where to start, how to create a home that she and baby would be safe and secure in. She’d never known that for herself. Growing up, home had been the place where she’d slept and eaten and done her homework and listened to her parents arguing. Her bedroom the sanctuary she’d hidden in when the arguing had escalated into a full-scale war. Not once had she ever walked in the front door and sighed with contentment. As she did here. Talk about being in big trouble.

‘Sophie? Are you all right? You’re not having pains, are you?’ Cooper hovered over her, anxiety replacing the cool demeanour he’d shown since they’d talked about her supposed PTSD.

‘I’m fine. No pains.’ Just a crazy revelation that she had to deal with. She was not staying here permanently. Like to or not, she had to move on, set up her own life. Just as she’d planned since learning she was pregnant.

So get on with it.

‘You’d tell me?’ The anxiety hung between them.

‘Yes.’ Locking eyes with Cooper, she said with all the force she could muster, ‘I will let you know the moment I think I’m in labour.’ She couldn’t keep him out of the picture on that score. When she’d gone into meltdown over the lack of movement from the baby Cooper had given her strength when she’d needed someone to cling to. She couldn’t push him away over this.

‘Good.’ He tossed his car keys up in the air, snatched them and repeated the action. ‘So tomorrow we’ll find you a suitable car.’ He wasn’t easily diverted.

Something she’d be wise to remember. ‘I’ll do that in the morning.’ While he was at the hospital.

He shook his head. ‘Uh-uh. I’ll do some research on the net while you tell me why you want an SUV instead of a car.’

‘You can stop looking so smug. It doesn’t suit you,’ she growled, trying hard not to smile at him. He’d won and yet she couldn’t find it in her to be cross. Not really. He had a way about him that made her feel more and more at ease. When he wasn’t reminding her that there were lots more problems to add to her list than she had to tick off. Lawyers, a midwife, and now a psychologist had to be dealt with.

In the meantime, Cooper merely laughed and booted up his laptop.

* * *

‘Three more ticks on my list,’ Sophie sighed late the next afternoon. Things were starting to come together nicely. ‘I like my new midwife. She’s so enthusiastic.’ When Cooper’s eyebrows rose, she added, ‘And professional, and competent.’

‘What else is on that list?’ Cooper asked as he drove through the rush-hour traffic in Newmarket on their way home from a car dealer. ‘Apart from a vehicle, which it looks like we’ve got sorted now.’

‘Dinner. Can we swing by the supermarket? I feel like pasta tonight.’

‘What’s with all this pasta? Seems you’re always eating it. You’re not of Italian extraction, are you?’

‘Irish. Except I’m not fussed about spuds.’ She smacked her lips, her stomach sitting up in anticipation. ‘Can’t go past the sauces that go with linguine, and then there’s ravioli and the delicious fillings.’

‘You been to Italy?’

Nodding, she explained, ‘I spent four months there after completing my internship in London. I didn’t want to leave.’ Not only was the food divine, the men were just as mouth-watering. Though not as delectable as the man in the driver’s seat beside her. Only the car’s seat? Or was he driving her life now? He definitely played havoc with her focus, which should be entirely on preparing for the baby, not on kisses. Hot kisses that swamped her mind with memories of his body against her, diverting pictures that had her longing for more.

‘Why didn’t you stay on in Italy?’

‘I couldn’t get a work permit so I returned home and saved up for the next adventure, which was in Chile.’

‘We’re not going to eat Chilean food, then?’

‘They eat a lot of potatoes. But having said that, I did enjoy most things. Lots of seafood and meat. Pastel do chocio was my all-time favourite, sort of like a shepherd’s pie. Haven’t seen that in the supermarkets here.’