Heart Of Courage

‘I’m looking forward to it.’

He wasn’t sure what she was looking forward to, but he was happy to be taking her to his place for the night. It felt kind of right. She belonged in his life now, she and the baby. Just how much had yet to be debated. But he didn’t want them there as the complete family he’d never had.

Or did he? Cooper shivered. It wouldn’t work, went against everything he’d believed about himself.

* * *

Sophie stretched and rubbed her aching back as she waited for the kettle to boil in Cooper’s kitchen. Yesterday’s flight, sitting in that seat that had done nothing to hold her properly, had taken its toll. As for sleeping through the night in cooler temperatures? Forget it. She’d tossed and turned for hours, sleeping fitfully when her eyes had finally closed.

Kick.

‘Hey, little one. You didn’t get much sleep either, did you?’ She rubbed her belly. At least they were home. Her daughter would be born a Kiwi.

‘I like it when you do that.’

She turned to find Cooper leaning against the door jamb, his hair a ruffled mess and stubble darkening his jaw. Now her stomach tightened for reasons other than her baby pushing on it. She still hadn’t been able to get past the fact she found Cooper sexy and desirable. If only she wasn’t so enormous she might contemplate leaping on him and having wild sex again.

Whoa. What was she thinking? Gripping the bench, she held on and waited for that dumb idea to disappear.

‘You all right?’ Cooper was right there, his hand on her upper arm, his eyes full of concern.

No, not at all. What would he think if he knew what had been going through her mind? Not once over the past few days had she seen desire or lust for her in his face. Which told her exactly what she needed to know, and must hold onto—he wasn’t interested in her except as the concerned father of the baby she was carrying. ‘Couldn’t be better,’ she lied, pulling away.

Cooper’s pewter eyes locked on her. ‘Really?’ When she said nothing, he added, ‘I don’t think so.’

‘I’m not going into labour if that’s what you’re thinking.’

‘I wasn’t. There was something in your eyes that makes me wonder what’s going on in that sharp mind of yours.’

Wonder all you like.

But her cheeks were heating, giving her away. ‘I’ll have a shower.’

‘What time’s your first viewing appointment?’ Cooper was still watching her closely.

All her skin was hot, not only on her face. There was an ache deep down, sending her blood racing and her heart thudding too loudly. He must be able to hear that. Aiming for the door, she threw over her shoulder, ‘Ten o’clock in Newmarket.’ Just up the road, but as it was bucketing down outside she wouldn’t be walking.

‘I’ll be ready.’

That stopped her in her tracks. ‘No need for you to come. I’ve ordered a taxi.’

Irritation tightened his usually tempting mouth. ‘Cancel it.’

‘I’m not in the army now.’

At least not where you can order me around.

‘I’ll drive you to all your appointments.’ When she scowled at him he added, ‘I’ve got nothing else on this morning.’

‘Thought you were going to see your father and then check in with the hospital.’

He shrugged. ‘Nothing that can’t wait.’

Slapping her hands on her waist, or where her waist used to be, she growled, ‘This is why I couldn’t live here. You’re so bossy and think you should have the upper hand all the time. Is this how you act when your charm doesn’t work?’

He didn’t say a word.

Which goaded her into saying, ‘You think I can’t cope? That I’m not up to looking out for myself? Next you’ll be saying I can’t raise my daughter on my own.’

Cooper was in front of her, in her face, instantly. ‘Our daughter.’

True. But, ‘Nothing’s changed, Cooper. I am looking for an apartment to move into the moment it’s available. I will not live with you for any longer than necessary.’

‘So you’re not moving in with your parents at the end of the day?’

She’d walked into that one. Losing her temper had been a mistake. ‘Excuse me.’ She stepped around him, careful not to let her stomach brush against him. She didn’t trust her body not to get in a lather even when she was angry at him.

‘Don’t forget to cancel that taxi.’

Plenty of words spilled into her mind, but somehow she managed to hold onto them. Silence was best. Sometimes.

* * *

Sophie turned to the letting agent. ‘How soon can I move in?’ Judging by the stacks of packed cartons the current tenants were already on the move.

‘A week from tomorrow.’

Her heart sank. A week living with Cooper. Or having to front up and ask her parents if she could stay with them. They’d say yes. That wasn’t the issue. Being told over and over what a fool she’d turned out to be was. She hadn’t learned anything from them, they’d say. Well, yes, she had. She wasn’t getting married for the sake of it. A loveless marriage was never in her plans. But, then, neither had been having a baby. ‘I’ll take it.’

‘You can’t,’ Cooper snapped from across the dog-kennel-sized lounge.

‘Of course I can.’ But she understood the shock on his face. The apartment was tiny, dark and in a less-than-desirable suburb. She was tired, and fed up with looking at places. ‘It’s available weeks sooner than the others I’ve looked at.’ And it was affordable. She found a smile for the agent. ‘Shall we do the paperwork?’

‘I need a bond and a deposit on the first fortnight to hold it for you.’ The woman dug through her bag for a key. ‘I’ll get the forms from my car.’

‘Not a problem.’ Tick. One job on her long list sorted. Tomorrow she’d start looking for furniture. Or should she buy a car first? Then she’d be independent of Cooper. She delved into her handbag for a credit card. An appointment with her new midwife came before anything else.

‘Can we talk about this before you sign up?’ Cooper parked his tidy backside against the bench next to her.

‘No.’ Why wasn’t she feeling happy to have found somewhere to live? Probably something to do with it being an unexciting place. But she had to suck it up and make the most of everything. She was planning on staying put for the next year at least, and starting out miserable wouldn’t be clever.

‘Sophie. Are you sure? Can’t we look at more places tomorrow?’

‘There aren’t any others. I went through the agencies’ lists again this morning.’ There’d been two she’d nearly asked to see but what would be the point? They were out of her price bracket and wandering around them would only increase her frustration level. That did not need any help. Not when she had Cooper driving her mad with need at the least convenient moments.

He didn’t bother to hide his impatience. ‘All right. What’s wrong with the first one we saw?’

The steep rent. ‘I didn’t like it.’ The large, sunny rooms, the modern kitchen, the small yard out the back, and the easy drive to the hospital once she went back to work: all added up to a perfect package. If she had loads in the bank.

‘Sometimes I don’t understand you.’

Neither do I.

‘You’re not meant to. Anyway, I’d swear I heard a sigh of relief when I turned it down.’

Guilt flushed his cheeks a light shade of pink. ‘Even so, I’d prefer you there than here, if you still insist on finding your own place.’

So that’s what all the less-than-helpful comments and questions at each apartment she’d viewed had been about. He’d been trying to deflect her from renting a property. Should’ve known. ‘I get it that you want to help me—’ in ways that suit you and not me ‘—and you can. By backing my decisions. If I get it wrong I’ll even agree to you laughing and giving me some stick.’ Lifting up onto her toes, she brushed a kiss across his mouth. ‘Thank you for caring.’ Whatever had precipitated that move she instantly regretted it while wanting more. Wanted to seal her lips on Cooper’s, to savour him, breathe him in. To shut him up. To get a taste of what she’d known that wild night in Bamiyan.

Warning. Danger. This is Cooper.

She jerked backwards.

Hard, hot hands caught her around her middle, pulled her hungry body close to that chest she’d been ogling on and off all morning. Had he noticed? Did he understand she still wanted him? Even in her balloon-sized, less than desirable shape?

Stop with the questions. Make the most of being sprawled against him.

Good idea.

‘Don’t you ever forget I do care about you.’ And then his mouth covered hers, possessed hers. Cooper took charge. As his tongue slid inside her mouth, the sensations caused by that hot thrust sent her mind into orbit so that all she was aware of was Cooper, holding onto him.

That hint of the outdoors that was his trademark scent. His full, masculine mouth. His firm muscles pressing against her softer ones. His erection pushing into her belly. Gulp. His erection. She moved against him, the long, hard length causing her lower muscles to contract with tension, with need, with memory.

‘Oh, excuse me.’ The woman was back.

Sophie leapt out of Cooper’s arms, but he quickly caught her and held her in front of him. Hiding his reaction to her? Her face was flushed and no doubt her eyes would be slumberous with desire. Great. Now she’d probably have to find a new rental agent. ‘S-sorry. We... It’s just...’ None of the woman’s business.

‘I understand,’ the agent said, glancing at Cooper.

Any woman would, Sophie thought as she held out a shaking hand to take the forms from the amused woman. ‘Let me fill these in and we can all get on our way.’

Before you decide I can’t have the place.

‘It’s not too late to change your mind,’ Cooper growled beside her ear, lifting the skin on the side of her neck in a delicious, tingling sensation.

It wasn’t only her skin having a meltdown. All parts south of her baby bump were in disarray, hot and tight. Ready, willing and wanting. Why had she kissed Cooper? Why wouldn’t she? It’d been a chaste touching of her lips on his, not a hot, deep kiss. No, not until he’d taken over and turned it into something off the radar. The man was so sexy it was impossible to ignore the feelings he evoked in her any longer.

And he wasn’t even wearing boots of any kind.

‘Have you changed your mind?’ the woman asked, a hint of annoyance in her voice.

Sophie shook her head to clear the images of Cooper that had taken over her brain. ‘No. I haven’t,’ she said, putting determination in her tone. She would not be side-tracked by anyone, least of all Cooper. She needed a home for her baby, and she needed it now so there was time to fit it out properly. Scribbling her signature across the bottom of each form placed in front of her, she waited for the calm to come at having achieved finding her future home.

But instead she found herself staring around the gloomy room, wondering what she was doing there. There was a good offer on the table if only she’d swallow her pride and take up the challenge. Cooper’s house was all the things this place wasn’t.

The agent was quick to put the signed papers in her bag. ‘I’ll be in touch when the current tenants have moved out.’

And that was that. ‘I have somewhere to live,’ she muttered as she sank into the front seat of Cooper’s car.

‘You already had somewhere if only you weren’t so stubborn,’ she was told sharply.

Couldn’t argue with being stubborn. She’d warned him about that. ‘You’ll thank me for this later.’

Cooper said nothing as he drove away from the apartment.

Thank goodness, Sophie thought. She’d done enough talking to the agent that morning to last all day. Quiet was exactly what she wanted. Her hand hovered over her belly where the baby was also quiet. Too quiet? ‘Baby?’ Automatically her hand rubbed her tummy. Nothing. ‘Move, will you?’ The panic was rising in her chest, up her throat. ‘Come on.’

‘What’s happening?’ Cooper asked, already pulling off the road to stop the car. ‘When did you last feel movement?’

‘Not for a while.’ When? She racked her brain. ‘I don’t know when. Before we got to the last apartment.’

‘You’re sure?’ The worry in his eyes did nothing to allay her fears.

‘No. I’m not. But she’s lying very still now. She never stops moving for long. Cooper, what if...?’

‘Don’t go there.’ His hand caught hers, squeezed gently. ‘Easy, Sophie. I’m sure everything’s all right. Can I try to feel some movement?’

‘Yes.’ She jerked her top up to expose her belly, and couldn’t care less when Cooper’s eyes widened. ‘Hurry.’

His hand was cool on her skin, but his touch was so gentle she calmed a little. Until he stopped touching her and tugged her shirt down again. Taking both her hands in his, he said quietly, firmly, ‘We should get this checked out to be on the safe side. Can you ring your midwife and tell her we’re coming in?’

‘I haven’t made an appointment with one yet. We only got home yesterday.’ The panic became a full-blown roar in her head. ‘My baby. Something’s wrong. I know it.’

Cooper pulled out into the traffic. ‘Auckland Hospital’s just down the road. We’ll go to the ED.’

‘Whatever. Just hurry.’ Her hands clutched at her belly, while silently she begged the baby to kick as hard as she could. ‘I don’t care how much you hurt Mummy, I just have to know you’re all right.’

Nothing.

She wanted to bang her stomach in the hope of jarring baby into action, but common sense won out—just. It wouldn’t work, and might even give the baby a shock. If she was all right. ‘Hurry up,’ she yelled to Cooper.

He wasn’t exactly going slowly, but right now a racing car at full throttle would be too slow. Too bad if there was a cop lurking in the area. If he tried to stop them he’d get an earful from her. Or he could escort them to the hospital, flashing lights and all.

‘Hold on,’ Cooper snapped as he took a corner too fast.

A glance at the speedo told her they weren’t going as fast as it felt—or as she’d like. But there was nothing they could do in the heavy traffic except go with the flow. Of course there was no parking outside the emergency department. Murphy’s Law was working overtime today.

‘Let me out,’ she all but shouted. ‘You can find parking without me.’

‘Okay, okay. Take it easy.’ Cooper pulled up beside a parked car and flicked his hazard lights on.

She wanted to shout at him for using the ‘easy’ word but when she jerked her head around to argue with him she saw nothing but concern and worry looking back at her. Pulling the brake on her temper, she said, ‘I’m trying, believe me.’

‘I know.’ His smile was strained, but the finger he ran down her cheek was gentle and soft, and made her heart tighten. ‘Go on. I’ll catch you up ASAP. Hang on. There’s a car three spaces up pulling out. Quick, out you get.’

She gritted her teeth in exasperation as she struggled to extricate herself. Infuriating how moving wasn’t the same as it used to be before baby. Baby. Her hand flattened on her stomach. Baby.

Please, don’t let us be too late. Please let them find a heartbeat. Please, please, please.

Sophie shoved out of the car, lurched as she fought to keep her balance.

Cooper called after her, ‘Be careful. I don’t want you slipping in all that water covering the path. You’ll hurt yourself and that won’t do baby any favours.’

He sounded so sure baby was going to be all right, but she’d seen the worry shadowing his eyes, turning his cheeks pale. Despite everything she felt a moment of gratitude for his presence. If not for Cooper she’d still be back at the apartment, freaking out, not knowing what to do. ‘Hurry.’

I need you.

Sophie ran.

Every second counted. Losing her baby was not an option.

‘Hang in there, sweetheart. Mummy’s getting you help.’

She skidded on the smooth concrete at the ED entrance. Teetered on one foot, regained her balance, her heart pounding.

Slow down.

She couldn’t, beat the doors with her fist when they took for ever to slide open.

Bang-bang-bang.

The shots cracked through the air.

Sophie dropped to the ground hard, the air ripping out of her lungs, her shoulder taking the brunt of her fall. She cried out as pain snagged her. Rolling onto her side she curled up as tight as possible, making herself small so the shooter wouldn’t have an easy target.

‘Sophie,’ Cooper shouted.

‘Get down,’ she yelled back. ‘You’ll be shot.’

‘Sophie, it’s all right.’ He was there, kneeling beside her, reaching for her. ‘There’re no terrorists here.’

‘Get down,’ she repeated, stronger this time. ‘There’s gunfire.’

‘No, Sophie, listen. That was a car backfiring. You’re safe. We’re safe. We’re in Auckland. Not Bamiyan.’

‘How can you be sure?’ Her heart was thumping. How did he know no one wanted to kill them?

Cooper stood up and looked around. ‘Nothing out of the ordinary going down, I promise.’ He reached a hand down to her, ready to haul her to her feet. ‘Do you think I’d risk your life if I had the tiniest suspicion everything wasn’t all right?’

The fear backed off as she glanced left, then right. No one was running for their life. There were no shouts or screams. In fact, no one seemed worried about anything. Not even the small group gathering around them.

‘Does the lady need this?’ An orderly with an empty wheelchair paused beside them.

Starting to feel a little stupid, Sophie gripped Cooper’s hand to pull herself upright. ‘I’m fine. Just took a tumble. Thank you for your concern.’

‘You’re welcome,’ the man said, before his gaze landed on her belly. ‘You went down hard.’

‘That’s why I want to get her to a doctor. Now.’ Cooper tucked her against his side. ‘Ready?’

She nodded and took a step, wincing as her ankle protested. ‘Think I pulled a muscle.’ She tried again, tentatively this time, and was relieved to be able to stand on the foot. ‘What an idiot. I seriously thought someone was firing at me.’ Looking up at Cooper, she tried to explain, knowing he’d think she was a sandwich short of a picnic. ‘For a moment there I was back in Bamiyan.’

‘I figured. I’ve seen the same reaction in some of the guys after they’ve been in a battle. I’m just surprised it hasn’t happened to you before.’

‘It did once. But that was on base in Bamiyan. Thought I was over all that now.’ Then her reason for being here slammed into her nightmare. ‘The baby. I still can’t feel any movement. I need to find out what’s happening.’ Or not happening. Sophie’s heart slowed. This was turning out to be the day from hell.

Taking her hand in his, Cooper said, ‘I’m with you all the way.’

Together they headed inside to the receptionist who’d stood up the moment they appeared. ‘Are you all right?’ she asked.

No. My baby’s in trouble.

‘I’m Sophie Ingram. My baby’s stopped moving.’ The words gushed out at about the same rate her heart was beating. She drew a breath, dug deep for calm. Felt dizzy instead. She grabbed at Cooper’s arm for support, felt relief when he wound that strong arm around her again. She sank against him and drew from his strength.

‘We need an urgent scan,’ Cooper backed her up. ‘It’s been over an hour since Sophie felt the last movement.’

That long? Her heart slowed. Too long. Her knees knocked, and if Cooper hadn’t been holding her she’d be in a heap on the floor. Again. ‘Please, get me help,’ she begged.

Within minutes Sophie heard the wonderful sound of the security door buzzing open, allowing them access to the emergency room.

A woman in blue scrubs approached. ‘Hello, Sophie. I’m Dr Kate Wynn. I understand you haven’t felt baby move for a while. How far along are you?’

As Sophie answered the doctor’s questions they were led into a cubicle. She wanted to relax. This gripping tension would not be good for her baby. But her muscles were as tight as ever.

‘You’re doing great,’ Cooper told her quietly.

‘What if...?’

‘Let’s wait until we know what’s going on before looking for the worst-case scenario,’ he suggested with the tiniest of hitches in his voice.

‘You’re right.’ But, but what if?

Kate told them, ‘I’m getting a Doppler sent down so I can listen for a heartbeat. That way we’ll know more about what’s going on.’

Sophie wished she could feel half as relaxed and professional as Kate appeared, but today her doctoring persona had taken a hike. ‘Hurry, please,’ she whispered as Cooper helped her onto the bed.

‘What’s happened? You’ve got fresh grazes on your leg and arm.’

‘Sophie slipped on the wet path outside.’ At least he hadn’t said she’d thrown herself on the ground and put her baby at risk of being hurt. ‘I don’t think she did any damage. We are both doctors,’ he added with a grimace.

Being a doctor wasn’t helping her baby right now. ‘I’m fine, unless I’ve hurt my baby.’

Kate said, ‘I doubt it. She’s got a lot of protection surrounding her in there. Unless you landed belly first?’

‘No.’ One thing she’d done right. Twisting to land on her hip and shoulder had hurt her but protected her daughter.

The curtain opened to admit an orderly. ‘One Doppler as required.’

‘Right, let’s get started.’ Kate took the instrument and nodded to the orderly to leave.

Kick.

Sophie gasped. ‘Oh. Ow! Do that again.’

Kate looked surprised. ‘I haven’t done anything yet.’

Kick.

Sophie spread her hands over her extended stomach. ‘Cooper, put your hand there. She’s alive and kicking harder than ever.’

His large hand slid under one of hers, and his eyes filled with relief and wonder. ‘Go, girl.’ His voice cracked and he stopped talking.

‘Me? Or baby?’ she teased through the tears now clogging her throat.

‘I’ll check baby’s heart before giving you two a few minutes alone.’ Kate smiled and said moments later, ‘Listen to that. Nothing wrong with that heartbeat. Be back shortly for a full examination.’ Putting the Doppler aside, she slipped out and closed the curtains tight behind her.

Cooper’s hand splayed across Sophie’s stomach was so large, and strong, yet gentle. So right. Like he was laying a claim on her.

What?

The question screamed into her head. It was not right. Cooper didn’t have a place in her life, only that of her daughter’s. But she couldn’t push him away, liked the strength and warmth of his hand. Needed him at her side for now. Had needed him ever since she’d thought something was wrong with their baby. All her strength and determination to do everything properly had gone, leaving her like a jelly on the inside. But having Cooper at her side settled her jitters a little at least.

Reaching around his arm, she placed her hand over his. ‘She’s a busy girl in there. I’m never going to tell her to take a rest again.’

‘You probably woke her up from a lovely sleep when you dived to the ground and now she’s paying you back.’ His smile was lopsided, filled with concern as he stared at her baby bump.

That concern would be for the baby, she acknowledged to herself. Not her. He had no reason to be worried about her. Apart from her crazy reaction to a car going past, that was. She wasn’t important to him, wasn’t the love of his life. Her shoulders slumped. If only they were in love and expecting their first child, together on all fronts. Not dodging around each other, trying to get along without too many arguments.

Thinking like that was dumb. She didn’t love Cooper—never had, probably never would. Any feelings like that would be due to baby brain. Besides, it wouldn’t work if she did. He wasn’t going to fall in love with her, and a one-way relationship was as bad as her parents’ hateful one.

‘Right.’ Cooper straightened up, stepped away from the bed. ‘Let’s get you sorted and then we can go home. You look whacked.’

Thanks for the compliment.

She snatched her shirt down over baby and growled, ‘Tell Kate I’m ready.’

And stay out there so I don’t have to see you get all excited when we get to hear baby’s heartbeat again.