Dancing To Happiness

I can’t believe my ears! She’s allowing him to use my bathroom, invading in this manner my privacy and my cosiness. Good heavens! Only the thought of having to share something with him gives me anxiety. I begin to hate my mother at this moment, I can’t even hold back a grimace of displeasure towards her. Luckily it was noticed only by her. Then, arming myself with a shy smile I address Matthias: <>

I come in my room and lie down on the bed a few minutes, breathing deeply to succeed in focusing myself on the many news of this day.

A freshen up was really what I needed. I relaxed and now I’m ready to deal with the evening with the awareness of having to meet the depth and the blue of Matthias’ eyes again. I go into the living room to join the others who luckily are already there introducing themselves to the newcomer.

I look at my friends’ face and I realise that Greek God Matthias not only makes a strange effect on me. His beauty is bewitching. The only difference is that they can communicate with him without stumbling over their words and without being ridiculous as I did!

<>

I nod and thank him. My heart beats wildly because he continues staring at me... It’s really embarrassing. I can’t help blushing.

The phone ring brings me back to reality.

<> my father yells from the hallway.

<> I answer nonchalantly.

<> Max reproaches me.

<>

<>

<> I lie.

<>

While I talk on the phone, I notice the presence of Matthias who doesn’t hesitate to listen and I see his eyes suddenly become sad. I look away from him and concentrate on the conversation. <>

Lately Max and I don’t spend much time together. Once we saw every night and we spoke on the phone at least a dozen times a day. Little by little we realized that maybe it would be better to meet less. The wait has its charm.

I hang up the phone and come back in the living room: <>

<> Rebecca exclaims.

<> Alex says.

<> Matthias answers enthusiastically.

<> I ask him with a shy glance.

He nods without saying a words, continuing to stare at me. I have to overcame this feeling of embarrassment. Now I make him many questions. Maybe, becoming acquainted with him, this fear of meeting his eyes will end. Strength and courage!

I reset everything and with calmness ask him: <>

<> he answers looking at me as if before him there was another person.

In fact I’ve sent away the awkward teenager who had taken possession of my mind. I don’t know how I’m succeeding in it but I’m coming back to me. It’s about time!

<>

<> he says without concealing a sly smile.

<>

“And maybe when you will stop getting embarrassed when you look at him.” My subconscious intervenes.

Between a chat and the other the time flew. My mother invites us to take a seat at the table. Somehow she saved me again.

At dinner Matthias is much involved and not at all in trouble. This thing makes me hope in a unexpectedly natural way for his rapid integration into the group and makes me wish, again, to win quite so rapidly the embarrassment that his presence causes me. I get lost when I observe him. He has something mysterious. When he is absent-minded the light in his eyes changes. What is he worried about? Handsome and mysterious... I have to stop looking at him like that. Sooner or later someone will notice it and that’s not good. I give a glance at the clock on the wall and I realize that it’s really late. It’s already 8 p.m and Max will be here in an hour. I say goodbye to everybody and get up to go in my bedroom. When I’m next to the staircase, I realized that Matthias has followed me.

<> I challenge him ironically while we climb the stairs together.

<> he exclaims smiling at me.

<>

<>

<> I say smiling at him.

Matthias is in his bedroom and throw himself on the bed thinking amused about Isabel’s exuberance and awkwardness. He is bewildered too by the many emotions of the day’s events. He feels attracted to that girl. He thinks back on the moment he saw her whirl. He would have stayed hours watching her while she danced. Since he met her piercing hazel eyes he could no longer look away from her. He is aware of her embarrassment. He feels attracted not only to her appearance but also to her vulnerability that she wants to hide by irony and self-confidence. He found her irresistible when she joined them in the living room wearing that cream dress that left her long toned legs uncovered. Isabel: a particularly beautiful face, framed by long brown hair with russet shades, big amber brown eyes, well designed full lips that contrast with the spontaneous and innocent expression. She has a toned body, a round and well-shaped bottom, generous breasts, narrow waist and curves in all the right places... Evidently, the sport has helped her to ensure that her body was modelled in the right places. Certainly she does not go unnoticed, everything about her is perfection and sensuality... Overwhelmed by Isabel’s thought he forgets for a while his problems and the real reason that has led him to move to Turin for some time.

At the very thought that there’s only a wall to separate me from Matthias, it gives me goosebumps. Stop thinking of him! I have to recover and get a move on. I decide to wear a black dress that highlights my curves without being vulgar, black court shoes, a trace of make-up on my eyes and a bit of lip gloss, a few drops of J’adore, a last brush to my hair that I will let loose and, finally, I’m ready.

The mobile phone starts ringing and, as expected, it’s Max who calls to advice me of his delay. He never succeeds in being on time!

<> I ask him snorting.

<>

The reaction is an immediate retort <>

<>

<> I say softening my resentment.

I understand that this time it’s for a good cause, but it’s seriously hard to bear that he is constantly no-show.

I leave my room, slamming the door involuntarily. I shouldn’t but I’m still very angry. It’s the third time in the last ten days that he stands me up. I’m so furious not to realize that my “gentleness” in slamming the door made Matthias leave his room. His eyes are on me and scrutinize me from head to toe. Why is he staring at me thus?

Breaking the silence I say to him: <> he continues staring at me embarrassingly, practically he is devouring me with his eyes.

I’m sure red-faced. Finally he decides to tell me something.

<>

<>

<>

And after this statement I blush even more.

<> Matthias proposes.

<> I answer enthusiastically, worried about the strange emotions I feel and about having to be alone with him.

<>

<> he replies amused to have noticed my eyes on his sweatpants, winking at me. I blush, realizing that I was devouring him with my eyes too. Good heavens! This man would be really sexy even wearing a garbage bag.

In the meantime I went down in the kitchen to drink a glass of cold water to recover and to dampen my ardour although perhaps I should swallow something alcoholic which could make me more uninhibited.

I head towards the hallway and in the meantime I notice that Matthias is walking down the stairs to join me. He wore jeans, a black cotton T-shirt with v-neck and a leather jacket. He is to die for!

He takes my hand and asks me if I’m ready to take him around. I nod and, breathing deeply, I start talking non-stop: <>

<> he exclaims, amused by my sudden gift of the gab.

We reach my car, a black Alfa Romeo Mito.

Put aside shyness and broken the ice, I start feeling at ease. So, to speed things up and to know him better, I bombard him with questions about his home town and his private life. When I put my mind I’m really pushy.

<>

<> he answers.

Despite my court shoes are very tall, I managed to walk a lot and to follow the predetermined itinerary.

Going towards Murazzi’s I point out Gran Madre Church and Mount of the Capuchins.

<>

<>

I nod. Then I point at the three statues of Gran Madre Church and I explain him what they represent.

<>

<>

<>

<>

<>

<> he says looking into my eyes.

<> I say, pretending not to understand. Because I think he was not referring to the city... I’m the usual presumptuous.

While we are in the pub and continue to drink, Matthias lists the places that he would like to visit. Then he tells me something about his family. He has two sisters and he loves them much.

<>

<> I remark with a smirk.

<>

<>

I’d like to ask him also if he is engaged but I don’t think it’s appropriate. He may think that I have “other” interests in him.

We talk still a lot continuing to swallow beer which makes me more confident and less shy. We laugh and have fine throughout the evening. Without realizing it the time flew.

<> I exclaim, watching the time. <>

<>

<> I say very sorry to have to interrupt the pleasant chat.

<> I say pausing to take courage and tell him that I had already seen him.

<> I exclaim and then I try to repair <> I blush and avoid looking at him.

He smiles at me and placing two fingers under my chin he forces me to look into his eyes: <>

<> I answer intimidated by him, his eyes and the circumstance.

<> he tells me proudly.

<> I confess becoming red-faced. Good thing that I stopped drinking beers. I dare not imagine what I could say... For example that if I wasn’t engaged I would jump on him. And now? Where do these sinful thoughts come from?

We head for the car, we get in it and I put my hands on the steering wheel, pretending to be careful to what I’m doing. I don’t want him to notice my face still flushed because of my confession of a few minutes earlier.

Matthias is lost in thought and I don’t want to open my mouth to prevent other howlers. The silence is almost comfortable.

Finally we arrived at home. We climb the stairs staying always in silence and we find ourselves before the hallway where there are our bedrooms.

Breaking the silence I whisper to him: <>

He looks at me and gets closer to give me a kiss on the cheek. <>

We come in our respective rooms and despite the strong emotions felt during the day just passed I fall asleep as soon as I lean my head on the pillow.

III

The doorbell rings: it’s Max who has kept his promise. He has come to get me to have breakfast together and to take me to the university. I quickly walk down the stairs ready to face a new day and my unreliable boyfriend.

He is wearing jeans, a white t-shirt and dark blue jacket. I feel like we’ve been apart for a lifetime. Dark-haired, attentive and bright green eyes, olive complexion, tall and slender. I had almost forgotten how charming he was. We got engaged last year but we met in junior high school He was my first boyfriend. I have always been too focused on dance to think of love, I had some infatuations but nothing more. Poor Max! He has always loved me in silence for years and during courtship he has been very patient and insistent. Maybe I have succumbed to exhaustion.

I join him and ironically say: <>

<> he replies, dampening a guilty grin.

Meanwhile Matthias was walking down the stairs to reach the living room. He’s wearing a grey tight outfit and a white shirt, classic look for a businessman. It’s impossible to describe how he looks magnificently good in that outfit. I try not to look at him too much, focusing only on Max.

I feel really embarrassed, I hope nobody notices it. But then why do I feel this way? I study psychology for some years and I’m still not able to analyse my mind. The emotions of recent days are an enigma! I see Max who looks at Matthias and then at me. Maybe he expects introductions...

<>

<> Matthias exclaims disconsolately holding his hand out to shake.

<> I say trying to deaden the tension. He looks stiffened. The knowledge and the existence of Matthias don’t seem to be as much well-accepted and it appears obvious by the way he quickly dissociates himself from Matthias.

<> he smiles at me and nods his head to say goodbye to Matthias.

While we’re heading for the bar I tell him how I spent the previous evening. I was uncertain whether to do it or not, then I decide that it would be better to tell him it otherwise he would think that I had something to hide if he becomes aware about it by other means. And honestly I have not done anything wrong!

<> he reproaches me.

<> I exclaim without challenging too much his absurd suspicions and his sudden bad mood.

What dude! After all, he left me alone last night.

Fortunately, on the way we meet Roberta.

<> I say thanking my lucky stars to give me the chance to discuss no more with Max.

<>

<> Max says making what might be called a fake smile. He kisses me and says goodbye to Robbie.

<> I say returning the kiss.

When I see Max going away I breathe a sigh of relief. Nothing gets past Robbie and she looks at me inquisitively. So I tell her everything that has happened in the last hours.

<

<> I say worried about the “pearls of wisdom” that are going to come out of her mouth.

<>

<> I ask her confuse about what she has just pointed out to me.

<> She says taking me by the arm while we walk towards the entrance of the classroom.

It’s true that in recent times I could hardly feel new emotions. In fact, the more time passed, the more my pout was getting worse. My discontent will always remain a mystery. Robbie sees me practically every day and knows me better than anyone else. I didn’t know she was so worried about my fickle attitude. Maybe I’m just a little more tired than usual. I should control myself and put a stop to the constant desire to expect too much from myself. I’m constantly in competition with the whole world, I should give me some limits. But if I want to fulfil my dreams I can not afford to give up. Sometimes I’d like to be more carefree. I have chosen the department of psychology to study the mental processes and to understand human behaviour. In the future I want to work with children and adolescents, very sensitive persons. Some of them may have behavioural problems and I’d like to combine my studies with my passion. I love the discipline that is better known as contemporary dance: performance art that expresses the movement of the body and includes more styles on the basis of classical ballet. I want to be able to impart the same emotions that I feel and I want to teach others to unite body and mind to get carried away and overwhelmed by this combination. Contemporary dance is an expression in the round, also it includes the recitation of texts. One day it would be great to have my very own school! I do not dream to take part in musicals for a lifetime or to gambol in some stupid TV show. I love dance for what it gives me. It’s poetry for me, unconditional love and it makes me feel free. I do not need audiences, the music enters into my bones and, from that moment on, my body is able to do whatever I want, even to fly.

I get lost in my thoughts and I do not notice the time that is passing, when Robbie thinks to bring me sharply back to reality <> she asks me point blank.

Understanding that she was referring to Matthias I answer: <> I pause and then I ask her: <>