The Playful Parent: 7 ways to happier, calmer, more creative days with your under-fives

Start by making it a job you do together – you could shake and straighten the duvet while your little one plumps and places the pillow.

Young children love to arrange bedtime soft toys. This can be made even more fun with a song:

There was one in the bed

There was one in the bed

And the little one said, ‘Roll over, roll over.’

So he rolled over and another popped in,

Cuddled up tight, and gave a grin

‘Please remember to tie a knot in your pyjamas,

Single beds are only made for one, two. . .’

Continue with ‘three . . . four . . . in the bed’ until all the toys are in position.

Changing the sheets

This is not usually a daily chore, but it still fills some parents with dread – especially if their children have reached the bunk-bed or cabin-bed phase; I know how difficult it is to get the sheets into those bed corners. However, try these playful activities and include your children when you can, and you may even look forward to sheet-changing day.

Have a game of ‘pile-up’. See how quickly you can strip the beds – your child does the pillowcases, you do everything else. The person who finishes their job first gets to ‘flomp’ into the big pile of discarded linen.

‘Monkeys on the bed.’ We have a rule in our house that this game is only allowed when there are no sheets on the beds and when the grown up is close at hand, putting the covers on duvets and pillows; it definitely requires supervision. It’s a fun game that gets them burning off lots of energy. Your little monkeys simply jump up and down on the bed singing the following song (other actions optional):

Monkeys on the bed

Three little monkeys jumping on the bed

One fell off and bumped his head.

Mummy called the doctor, and the doctor said,

‘No more monkeys jumping on the bed.’

Two little monkeys jumping on the bed,

One fell off and bumped his head.

Mummy called the doctor and the doctor said,

‘No more monkeys jumping on the bed.’

One little monkey jumping on the bed,

He fell off and bumped his head.

Mummy called the doctor and the doctor said,

‘No more monkeys jumping on the bed.’

‘Wonderful wafting.’ When my two children were very small, they loved nothing better than to lie on the floor while we wafted the clean, fresh-smelling sheets and covers over them again and again – and occasionally we covered them up, pretending they’d disappeared. It made them giggle and wriggle so much. If you try this, but need a way out of the game (it is rather open-ended), you might try starting to waft a pillowcase at a doll or teddy. Your child may well take the bait and join in, then take over, that game instead – leaving you free to complete the job in hand.

Cleaning the bathroom

This job often requires the use of cleaning products, so it’s not ideal for young children to get too involved, even if you are using green products. Instead:

Try cleaning the bathroom during bath-time when your child is playing in the tub. You can get a lot done then, whilst being able to supervise the children; you’ll just need to clean the bath at another time. You do, of course, need to keep a close eye on your little one in the bath, so this activity is only suitable for your nearly-five-year-old or an older child.

Make it dolls’ bath-time by setting up a washing-up bowl or a baby bath of warm bubbly water on the floor in the bathroom (with an old towel underneath to prevent slips) to occupy your little one while you clean around them.

Tidy-up time, putting rubbish in the bin and picking up after themselves

I’ve put these chores together because they are all about learning how to live tidily – it’s a journey we all have to make and, let’s face it, often we never get far. When children are babies and toddlers, most parents accept that their little wonders are going to make a mess; they’re going to play with things, sort things, unpack things, throw things, leave things, forget things. They leave a kind of trail-of-play in their wake, or in other words – they make a big ol’ mess. It’s up to us to reset the rooms and put things away after bedtime so it’s ready for the next day of mess-making (otherwise known as playful exploration and discovery). Do bear in mind that it’s definitely worthwhile doing this daily reset; children’s interest soon wanes in anything left out for too long, and it’s amazing how old toys and playthings suddenly become the bee’s knees again after a day or two of absence.

Toddlers can begin their learning to live tidily journey by helping with this end-of-day tidy-up. It really helps if you have lots of tubs, boxes and baskets for their toys and playthings – and shelves at a suitable height. However, don’t expect them to clear away with any great efficiency to begin with. It’s merely the idea and concept of a ‘time to tidy up’ that we’re trying to introduce here.

Have some sort of signal to indicate the start of tidy-up time – perhaps a little bell, shaker or tambourine. Give your child the opportunity to announce it every once in a while, as they’ll love the feeling of power it gives them. The sound signal can be used during tidy-up time too, should anyone forget and start playing again – and that includes the grown ups.

Give your child a choice as to what they’d like to tidy away; for example, cars or books.

‘Gimme five.’ This game works well for preschoolers as they only have to put away five things – but they all have to be different things, so not five Lego bricks, for example.

‘Colour code.’ This is a fun and challenging game for preschoolers who are confident with their colours. Everyone chooses a colour and only puts things away that have that colour somewhere on it. The challenge for slightly older children is that at the end of the game they must guess what colour code the others chose.

Race against each other, the clock, or the length of a song. Most children cannot resist a challenge like this – just decide the race conditions and they’ll be off in a tidying frenzy. Remember that small items scattered all over the floor, such as toy cars and Duplo blocks, can be swept into one place with a broom or dustpan brush before being put away. This can make a job much less daunting, and cut down on the back-and-forth-with-one-item scenario.

Keep spirits high with a favourite song. We’ve enjoyed a hearty rendition of ‘Whistle While You Work’ many a tidy-up time.

Tidy up in the manner of various animals or book characters. Say ‘freeze’ every minute or so and choose a new style of tidying. Ask your children for suggestions – you’ll be amazed at what they’ll come up with and how well they’ll embody the spirit of the craziest things. We’ve tidied up like cupcakes before now. Yes . . . cupcakes.

You’ve probably seen the basketball-hoop bin that is loved by teenagers the world over. Who can resist the challenge of a slam-dunk, even if it is only rubbish being thrown away? Young children won’t have the skills for this kind of precision challenge, of course, but preschoolers love a race against the clock – to the bin and back – to dispose of a handful of rubbish.

For children, picking up after themselves is perhaps the hardest of the tidying-up lessons to learn. It’s the one from which parents often feel their children are deliberately shirking as they approach or reach school age. It’s the moment when the trail of discarded coats, shoes, bags, tissues, jumpers on return from nursery or a day out, or the mess of a day’s worth of play suddenly smacks of our children having no respect for us, their things or their home – although it is important to remember that children are not deliberately trying to make us feel this way. Pave the way for their future independence with playful tidying techniques when they’re little; it’ll definitely help them learn to look after their things themselves as they grow up.

We can get a lot of tips from Montessori educational practice here – which promotes independence and responsibility for one’s self – by ensuring our learning and living spaces reflect this philosophy. We can easily replicate some of their practical ideas in our homes without too much fuss, or expense:

Have hooks for coats and shoe storage close to the entrance of your home – and at an accessible height. As your children master the art of de-coating, make it an automatic next step for them to try to remember to hang it up. Putting up special pegs at their height could be a reward for being so big and grown up. Offer an incentive, a playful activity, once the arriving home jobs have been done. This can be a real motivator for children of all ages; it’s a playful example of the When/Then technique: when they’ve put away their shoes, then they can play with some play dough.

As your child approaches school age, or when you feel they are ready, introduce a few more tidy-up times throughout the day; for example, just before lunch and teatime perhaps, as well as a big one at the end of the day. During these the children can tell you what they’ve finished playing with so just a few things can be put away.

‘Points make prizes.’ This is a game to kick-start, or reinvigorate, interest in picking up after yourself. Make a score chart, however you like, to record every time you or your children notice that they or someone else has picked up after themselves. When you’ve reached a certain score there should be a family treat, like watching a movie or something similar.

Putting groceries away

Grocery shopping with young children in tow is, in my book, a great achievement in itself. It seems most unfair that when we get back home there’s a whole new challenge to undertake. Where is that fairy godmother when you need her? Putting away the groceries is a time-consuming chore which, if left unchecked, can last all day and lead to the unscheduled and unofficial distribution of edible treats to one and all.

The following ideas might help to distract your little one from the ‘I spot, I want’ nightmare as you unpack and get them counting, sorting, stacking and playing alongside you as those treats and special things-for-another-time can be discreetly secreted onto high shelves and into cupboards.

Put your child in charge of the more robust fruit and vegetables – hand them over with the storage utensil of your choice and get them to put them away. Of course, they’ll be playing with them more than actually carrying out the official task, but they’ll love doing it and there’ll be lots of opportunity to find out how many apples or potatoes you bought, or which is the biggest potato or the longest leek.

Give your child a fun, manageable mission and get them to take some non-kitchen items – perhaps things for the bathroom – to the right place. If you time them there and back I bet they’ll not be able to resist trying to carry out the task as quickly as they can, again and again.

‘Pass the packets.’ This game is a fun spotting-and-sorting challenge. Choose one type of grocery item to put away at a time, i.e. packets, tins, boxes or bottles. Work together to spot them all and put them away before moving on to the next category.

Cooking

I’m not talking about baking biscuits and cupcakes here, I mean the daily task of making breakfast, lunch and dinner for the masses. Some people love to cook, they find it relaxing and creatively rewarding, but having to prepare toddler-friendly morsels – every day – whilst simultaneously being in charge of small children, can break even the most dedicated foodie. There are lots of clever things people do to avoid this repetitive chore, such as cook in bulk and freeze in portions, or have weekly menus, but here I’m hoping to break the relentless monotony by making cooking a way to play for you and your little one.

Involve your child in one or more of the cooking tasks once in a while, perhaps even making it their speciality. For example, they could wash the vegetables, break the eggs, grate the cheese, snip the ham, squish the tomatoes, slice the mushrooms or banana with a blunt knife, juice the lemon, choose the herbs by smell – that kind of thing.

Toddlers will also be very happy to occasionally play along with cooking in the kitchen. Hand over a selection of safe kitchen utensils and equipment, for example a real saucepan with a wooden spoon – which is often more tempting than a toy version – and some dried pasta (you can re-use this for play cooking over and over again) and they’ll be ‘cooking’ up a storm in no time.

‘Play along with play dough.’ This activity has got me out of a tight spot many a time when my two children were toddlers. At the kitchen table or equivalent, give your child a ball of herb-infused play dough (recipe), a few toy kitchen utensils, a couple of plastic plates and an empty shoe box (which makes a great oven) and they’ll be happily occupied while you get on with the real deal. Play dough is so versatile; your little one will be able to make anything from peas and pasta, to potatoes and pizza.

Less-frequent chores

Cleaning the car

I only ever contemplate cleaning the car if there are children involved. I’ve yet to meet a child who doesn’t love it, and this makes the whole thing seem much more of an attractive proposition in my book. The car may not get a thorough clean by child alone, but there’ll be fun and laughter in bucket loads to accompany what might otherwise be a rather arduous task. Make sure everyone is in appropriate clothing and footwear so that getting wet isn’t a problem – because they will definitely get wet.

Set up your carwash together before you start: assemble buckets and bowls full of warm soapy water, sponges, brushes and cloths and drinking-water bottles for rinsing. Chamois-leathers and soft cloths need to be kept out of reach until step 4.

Use a sand-timer or equivalent to help move smoothly from one stage of the job to the next. There are five steps:

1 A first rinse: everyone can help rinse the whole car with clean water to remove the scratchy surface dust and dirt. Flinging water from drinking-water bottles is great fun, and easy for little ones to master.

2 Soaping and scrubbing: the grown up should clean the wheels (using a heavy-duty scrubbing brush if possible) as these are likely to be the dirtiest part of the car. The children can soap-up wherever they can reach.

3 Rinsing off the soap: as step 1, but the aim of the game is to rid the car of bubbles rather than to just wet it. Start from as high as possible and work down the car, for efficient de-soaping.

4 Drying: use a chamois to dry the bodywork – wring it out frequently while your little one uses a piece of newspaper to get the windows smear-free. They may need to stand on their sink-step to do this.

5 Cleaning inside the car: you could vacuum while your child cleans the dust off the dashboard and so on. Soft paintbrushes can often get into the hard-to-reach dusty and crumby nooks and crannies. I swear by baby wipes for a thorough de-stickying of door handles, gear stick and steering wheel. Young children will find being allowed to sit in the front of the car very exciting – do allow time for their imaginative play, as they will undoubtedly ‘drive’ you to the beach or the zoo.

Defrosting the freezer

This is a relatively infrequent job, but sometimes it’s imperative. You know that moment? It’s when it becomes impossible to open or close the freezer drawers without using the force of ten men, and there’s only the freezer’s own ice in there anyway. Sometimes, you have no choice but to carry out this chore while in charge of little ones – so here are a few ways to manage that eventuality:

While you’re emptying the frozen stuff into cool bags to preserve what you can, empty your ice-cube tray onto a large flat metal or plastic tray for your little ones to play with. Ice cubes glide, skid and crash brilliantly – a bit like bumper-cars. Add a little silver glitter, plastic toy animals and figures and you’ll have a brilliant small-world Polar landscape for your little one to enjoy. (See here and here for more ideas for small world play.)

If you have one of those no-mess Aquamats, let your child draw with the melting ice cubes instead of the water-filled pens it comes with; it’s a very satisfying experience.

If the ice cream is simply not going to stay frozen enough to make it back into the freezer, why not treat yourselves to a home-made sundae while your freezer is defrosting? Let your little one help with scooping the ice cream, adding any sprinkles, fruit and sauce that you have to hand. These extras could be presented to the children in your empty ice-cube tray (if there’s a few of you) so there’s just enough of everything displayed and ready for self-service.

Cleaning windows

Some people recommend cleaning the windows twice a year, but I know that we wash some of our windows more often than that – and others (those we can’t easily reach) about . . . never. If you use your windows in play (which I really hope you might consider, if you don’t already) – you will need to wash them more frequently, of course, but at least it’ll be because they’ve been dirtied through use and not just accumulated grub. I don’t know why that makes me feel better, but it does. My mum said she loved it when her grandchildren came to visit her because she would see their little hand marks on the glass doors out to the garden and note them getting just a little higher up the pane each time. Apparently, she sometimes didn’t wipe them off, just to remind her of our last visit. I suspect that’s a grandmother-love-thing, but remembering this means I’m never miffed at finger marks on our windows.

Allocate an accessible windowpane for your child to clean while you clean others nearby. Of course you will have to go back and properly wash their window later, but this chore is much more fun if you have a little help-mate close by.

Hand over some neoprene (craft) foam shapes or those foam shapes or letters for use in the bath, plus a little water in a plastic pot or cup and small paintbrush. Your child could then decorate one of the windows.

Sorting out outgrown and worn-out clothes

There’s nothing like the simultaneous change of season and a growth spurt to suddenly render 70 per cent of a child’s wardrobe useless. If your children’s clothes need a bit of a sort out, try this three-pile sorting game. My children loved playing this when they were under five, and although it would often lead to some sudden sentimentality about clothes that had been fiercely refused before, it worked as a fun way to get the job done, with the children conveniently there to check what fitted and what didn’t. Tumble the contents of their wardrobes and drawers onto their bedroom floor and let the Goldilocks Three-pile Sort begin. The three piles could be:

Clothes that are too small (or too worn out) to keep – to give or throw away

Clothes that are too big (perhaps inherited from older siblings or cousins, and the like) – to store away

Clothes that are just right and fit your child now

The third pile will inevitably, and annoyingly, always be the smallest pile, but at least you’ll have had fun finding out, and got a handy reminder about some of your children’s clothes that may have got lost in the mix.

Gardening

Whether you have a huge garden or just a windowbox and front porch, the general maintenance and upkeep of your outside space can be a way to play for young children. Of course, for many, gardening is an activity that is not a chore, but rather is a hobby – a passion even – and green-fingered parents happily and naturally want to pass on to their children their love of gardening.

The benefits of gardening with little ones are numerous and well documented; learning through outside play, growing things, looking after plants, finding mini-beasts and getting muddy, allowing children to connect with nature and develop an understanding about the world around them. There are numerous concerns for safety when gardening, though, so children should always be supervised when outdoors, and hands should always be washed after any gardening activity. We will discover more ways to play in the garden later in this book, but starting with the basics, here are a few ways in which you can begin to include young children in some very gentle, general gardening jobs: