Setting the rules for screen time
If you do occasionally want to use screen time, here are some tips that may help to keep you in control:
Set limits in advance and be disciplined about keeping them.
Consider showing full-length feature films in a series of instalments.
Choose what your tot watches and uses wisely and always supervise them as they watch. Even better, stay and play with them while they are involved in any screen-based activity.
Think of TV and App use like sweets; you’d never hand over a whole bag of assorted treats to your tot – too many would make them sick, and you never know if there’s a hard toffee or a choking hazard of a boiled sweet in there. Select, share and limit the treat.
10-second set-ups are a way to play
By offering simple, self-explanatory and open-ended play prompts that either surprise or are somehow linked to what the adult is trying to do at the time, we can provide an initial spark of interest. The activity should then captivate, involve and absorb a young child for many independent minutes at a time, so freeing us up to feed the baby, make that call or open the mail. In time, they will start to come up with their own ideas – self-initiating positive play when they find themselves at a loose end.
There are numerous benefits to 10-second set-ups, both for you and your toddler or preschooler:
you get some downtime.
you have the opportunity to complete that task that needs adult-only attention, enjoy that cup of coffee, or have that conversation with another grown up.
your child goes back to being happily occupied, playing.
your child masters how to play independently and how to keep their
flow of concentration.
their attention spans are given a good workout and will become more robust and lengthy.
your child becomes used to parents or carers being present but not required.
he or she develops numerous skills through playful activity.
you both get some quality time alone, but together.
a child’s temptation for sneaky ‘mischief-making’ behaviour is vastly reduced.
Which 10-second set-up?
The aim of any 10-second set-up is to promote independent play without you getting too involved – ten seconds should be long enough for you to offer the bait, and then your little one can take the play where they like. The actual complexity of the play will of course depend on the age of your child, their specific abilities, their dexterity, their maturity level, the set-up of your home and where you are.
Below are some tips to bear in mind when offering a 10-second set-up for your little one:
Don’t stop them if they are already immersed in independent play; just keep an idea up your sleeve in case they tune in to what you’re doing and can’t get back their flow, even when encouraged to.
A 10-second set-up should be about discovery and experience, not end product.
Keep it very simple, using just an idea, perhaps something you have prepared earlier, or something you have to hand wherever you are.
Make sure that you involve objects that are not always accessible to your little one, so they become more interesting and alluring.
Be low-key in your offering of the object or activity; if you make too much of it, your child might well be put off. Even better if they discover its presence by themselves.
Check the activity is open-ended, will naturally lead your child on to playing something else independently, or has the potential to be a long enough challenge or game that will keep them engaged for as long as you need.
Make sure the activity is pretty much self-explanatory and self-exploratory.
Don’t intervene if they’re playing with the stuff in a wholly different way to how you’d envisaged. Leave them be and let them play.
Try different set-ups often to keep them fresh and irresistible.
Think about the set-up’s element of surprise; it needs to be something that immediately grabs their attention.
Do listen out for genuine needs and always be subtly supervising.
Don’t expect every set-up to work every time.
Always be close at hand to keep an eye on your child, but try not to become involved in the activity – let them play independently.
Always check that the objects used for the set-ups are not choking hazards. This is especially important for the under-threes.
Older children might respond well to a timed activity, e.g. ‘when the timer goes off, Daddy will be finished and we can play something together’.
Be aware of your little one’s go-to type of play; if they’re mad on construction or imaginative play, for example, you can rely more on 10-second set-ups that spark playful activity in that direction.
Acknowledge to your child that they’ve allowed you to get your job done, if you made them aware that this was the purpose of this independent play time.
When I asked parents on Facebook what things their little ones seemed to resent them doing or just plain didn’t allow them to do without them wrapped around their legs, or equivalent, making phone calls or going to the toilet seemed to be most problematic. But there were numerous other everyday activities mentioned too, and some of these are listed below:
Grown-up activities, when children might need to ‘wait’:
Drying hair
Eating
Taking a shower
Shaving
Cleaning teeth
Daily stretches, exercises or yoga practice
Making a phone call
Going to the toilet
Getting dressed
Sitting down
Making a cup of tea
Making a sandwich/cooking
Fixing something
Changing a light bulb
Taking out the rubbish
Opening the mail
Clearing up after a meal
Paying bills
Making appointments
Listening to the weather or traffic news on the radio
Helping other children
Feeding a baby
Having a conversation with another adult
Out and about:
Waiting in a queue
Interaction at the counter in a shop, at the bank or post office
Having a (brief) business meeting
A doctor’s appointment
A dentist appointment
So, here are lots of examples of 10-second set-ups for those instances when you need your child to be calmly, happily and busily playing independently. This way to play is a quick-fix solution that will take 10 seconds or less to explain to your child. Some 10-second setups do need to be prepped in advance, but this extra work will pay dividends when you’re feeling the pressure and can’t think of anything to tempt your little one to play on their own.
Each suggestion given here will help to promote independent play, encouraging toddlers and preschoolers not only to wait, but to learn that waiting can be fun. This is in no way a finite list, of course – I’m sure you’ll discover different set-ups that work a treat for your little one as you start to introduce them into your daily play.
Personal care
In the bathroom
When my two were very small, I remember taking their baby-bouncer chair into the bathroom while I took a shower. If I timed it right, the whole experience was wonderfully sensorial and they would happily sit and bounce and look around, just enjoying the warmth, sights and sounds of my shower-time.
However, such simple distractions will not be enough to capture your child’s attention as they become toddlers and preschoolers. If your child finds it difficult to wait while you have a shower, i.e. they are unable to choose something – and stay with something – to do that doesn’t need you, try one or two of these 10-second set-ups to help them get into their flow:
Shaving foam art: Here’s one that is especially good for dads. One blob of shaving foam put onto a lid of an ice-cream tub or similar goes a long way and will provide a wonderful, sensory substance for your little one to enjoy while you shave. If they need more help with how to play with it, challenge them to make as many different patterns on the lid as they can, using their fingers to move the foam around.
Aquamat doodle-time: If they need encouragement to play with the Aquamat, challenge them to cover the whole thing with patterns and pictures for you to see when you step out of the shower.
Bathroom busy bags: This needs some prep in advance. Fill a couple of small tote bags, make-up bags or inexpensive pencil cases with different things. Produce them only when you need to and change their contents every now and again. The surprise of a new bag is usually a big hit. In these bags you could put:
Foam bath-time letters or shapes. A wet sponge in a small bowl will provide enough moisture to make the letters cling to any tiled or porcelain bathroom surface.
Hair styling stuff. Bag up a few big clips, a soft brush, some soft hair scrunchies and a safety-mirror tile.
Empty bottles and big lids to match up and twist on. Check the lids are not so small that they pose a choking hazard.
Plastic stickle bricks/Duplo or Octons. If your child needs a little help to find their flow with these, challenge them to make something tall or funny or beautiful by the time you’re out of the shower.
Small figurines’ bath time. Make up a simple kit with, say, a small plastic bowl plus soap plus a small sponge and a flannel, for a mini let’s-pretend bath time. If you put a little water in the bowl, place a towel underneath to prevent slips.
Sponge construction shapes. Cut up some colourful new sponges into shapes and bricks for some brilliant, and quiet, bathroom-themed building.
Waterproof craft foam cut into sections of road (you can also buy these pre-made) and a selection of small toy vehicles for some road building, and zooming and racing car action.
A selection of waterproof bath books.
Lots of mini-pom-poms or the foam ‘peanuts’ you get as box packaging and a small, empty, dry water bottle. Challenge your little one to fill the bottle with pom-poms by the time you have finished in the shower. You can use the pom-poms or packing peanuts again and again, of course.
A message-in-a-bottle kit – you need a small, empty, dry water bottle, strips of paper and a pencil. Challenge your little one to ‘write’ you messages on the strips of paper and post them in the water bottle. See how many different messages they can make before you step out of the shower or finish brushing your teeth.
Let’s pretend wash bag –
What you’ll need to do beforehand: Make up a special wash bag for them to investigate. It’s great if it has lots of pockets. It should look like a grown-up’s version, but with kid-friendly contents; a hand mirror, brush, comb, small wash cloth, mini water sprayer, some empty cream bottles, a nail buffer and emery board, cotton wool pads, a shower cap, a hair roller, a hair scrunchie, and the like.
Drying your hair
Offer your child a harmonica or other noisy musical toy to play on while you use the hair dryer. Let them know they can play as loudly as they like, in the same room as you, only while you are drying your hair. The noise – sorry – music, will get totally drowned out by your hair dryer and is the best way to really appreciate it, I think.
Getting dressed
Getting ready for the day when you have babies and very young children can often be a rather snatch-and-grab affair. But if you have your little one with you in the room you could try to take the time pressure off yourself by letting them discover a game while they wait for you to get dressed. Try one or two of these 10-second set-ups, if they aren’t able to find something to do themselves, to help them find their flow through calm play:
Dressing teddy: Offer some play silks or scarves plus a teddy they can dress up while you are doing your thing.
Dressing skills bags: These are good opportunities for young children to practise their own dressing skills without feeling under pressure to get ready quickly because of time constraints.
What you’ll need to do beforehand: cut out hand-sized shapes in thin card or craft foam and punch holes round the edge. Fill a bag with these lacing cards plus a few shoelaces or yarn – sticky-tape the end to prevent fraying. Fill another with short and long strips of Velcro or zips, and another with big buttons to post into a plastic tub with a slit cut to size in the lid.
Button-up: I remember a wonderful book made by my sister, for my little sister, of felt – each page had some kind of ‘getting-dressed’ skill to try – like a picture of a shoe with real laces, and a picture of Humpty Dumpty with a real belt with a buckle. The idea below is a little less ambitious, but should capture the attention of your child just as well.
What you’ll need to do beforehand: sew about ten colourful large buttons onto a piece of felt or non-fraying fabric just as you like. Then cut out shapes from felt – hearts, triangles, circles for example, and cut a slit through each to make a button hole. The shapes can be attached and removed again and again by your little one – great buttoning practice.
Junk-jewellery box discovery: Have a special-looking jewellery box for your little one to explore. Make sure they know that it’s a real treat to be allowed to look at your special things. Do keep all expensive and delicate stuff out of reach obviously – we’re talking plastic bangles and chunky beaded necklaces here.
Make-a-necklace kit: What you’ll need to do beforehand: into a shoebox or basket put a couple of handfuls of coloured pasta tubes, big chunky beads or cut-up pieces of drinking straws along with a shoe lace or yarn. Wrap a little sticky tape around one end to stop it fraying and tie a big knot at the other end. This kit will keep your little one independently busy, threading and necklace-making while you dress. Do check any beads used are not so small as to pose a choking hazard.
A special bag of books about getting dressed and clothes: Little ones feel very special lying on a grown-up’s bed, and will really enjoying looking at a few picture books in such a luxurious setting.
Some of our favourite books about getting dressed are:
Thomas Goes Out – Gunilla Wolde
Bare Bear – Miriam Moss and Mary McQuillan
The Emperor’s New Clothes – Hans Christian Andersen
The Tale of Peter Rabbit – Beatrix Potter
The Smartest Giant in Town – Julia Donaldson
Magnetic dress-up: Dig out those magnetic shapes plus a board – or a metal baking sheet works well. If the magnets have a clothing theme, all the better.
Puppet costumes: What you’ll need to do beforehand: gather a few finger puppets and some small fabric squares. Fold the fabric squares in half and make a small slit in the middle of each, big enough for the puppet’s head to be pushed through. This should start a spot of dramatic puppet play with the chance to change the characters’ costumes.
