The Holy Sh*t Moment: How lasting change can happen in an instant

Maintenance of the new behaviors, Miller explained, was high because it wasn’t a struggle to do so. “People didn’t talk about it using motivational language,” he said. They changed at a fundamental level. They became a new person for whom the new behaviors were the norm. It’s not a decision, it’s a sudden transformation.

I remember my holy-shit moment, when everything became clear. It’s when your inner grizzly is released from its cage as a roaring beast ready to achieve your utmost potential. It can manifest in various ways and for a multitude of reasons, but the reality is, it happens! It happens all the time—Professor Miller asserts as many as one-third of people experience such life-changing events—and yet we ignore the possibility of it happening for us. Accepting the verifiable reality of this phenomenon is the first step in making it happen for you.

It happened for Lesley that day, years ago. She was still overweight, still smoked and drank, and she was still a rookie fencer possessing negligible skill, but in that instant of self-reevaluation, her true personality awakened and ultimately led her to the silver-medal win. Along the way to a much healthier body, this new sense of purpose alleviated her despair.

“I decided in that moment that I was serious about becoming an athlete,” she said.

The pounds fell off.

Escaping Quiet Desperation

Think of all the people throughout history who never had the chance to reveal their genius. Across the eons, most of humanity remained uneducated, toiling at physical labor to survive.

Henry David Thoreau wrote, “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.” Women too. Women especially.

But times are a-changin’. Bob Dylan doesn’t want you to sink; he is telling you to start swimming. To quote from the Pixar film Up: “Adventure is out there!”

You have one shot at life, and it’s not over yet. Many will continue to log the days, months, and years until they begin the long, slow slide into a dirt nap, heart songs remaining unsung.

For this to work, you must desire more. You must thirst for adventure. You must be ready to rattle the cage of the inner grizzly bear and yell, “Wake up! It’s time to kick ass!”

Adventure can take myriad forms. Think of Lesley. Fat, drunk, inhaling cancer sticks, depressed, and going nowhere except continuing an unexceptional life, few if any marks made upon the world, no quests undertaken, no major life missions accomplished.

And picking up a sword changed all that.

As you read this book, I want you to continue to remind yourself that adventure is out there. Never in the history of bipeds walking the earth has there been greater opportunity to seize the day and kick its ass.

Start imagining now. The adventure begins in the synapses. Awaken the part of your brain telling you the path you’re on isn’t enough. Endeavor to find out who you truly are and the stuff you’re made of. Embrace creativity in this mission. No one imagined the old Lesley as a champion fencer. Just because the astronaut spaceship has sailed doesn’t mean there aren’t out-of-this-world opportunities for you to chase.

Think of all the days since you came into the world as part 1 of your life. Your job is to imagine a lofty, exciting, purposeful path of You, Part 2. And just like Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, the sequel is going to blow away the original. As we move together through the chapters of this book, that’s a big part of your job: creating a basic outline of this exciting sequel to the first part of your life.

My job is to awaken the power that inspires you to live it.

Daydream Believing

You may want to write this down.

Or … maybe … you don’t.

I can’t remember phone numbers worth shit anymore. That’s because I don’t have to. Used to be, I could glance at a number in the phone book, walk over to the phone, and dial it in. Not tap or punch. Dial. I’m that old.

Unless you’re a troglodyte, you know that’s not how we do it anymore. Now I can’t remember seven digits without repeating them a few times; I’m out of practice.

A 2011 study published in Science reveals Google has a negative effect on memory, and as we’ll learn, information gathering—cramming a bunch of stuff into memory—is an important part of inducing a life-changing moment. The study reports: “when people expect to have future access to information, they have lower rates of recall of the information itself.” For these purposes, that’s not good, because your brain needs to ponder things, twist them around a bit, and reorganize them in a way that makes sense. If your deep thoughts are consigned only to a notebook, your unconscious won’t be examining them.

“Having a notebook is fine, as long as these ideas also stay in your head,” said Mark Beeman, professor of psychology at Northwestern University and coauthor of The Eureka Factor. Beeman, who specializes in the neurology of creative thinking, explained that for generating a sudden insight, problems need to be turned over in your mind. And if a notebook takes these thoughts out of your brain and onto paper, it’s counterproductive. Conversely, if the act of writing imprints them upon your synapses, or you are meticulous about revisiting your notes to examine such musings, then perhaps it’s worthwhile. But a 2014 study published in Memory & Cognition says it might not help. Comparing two separate groups playing the card-matching game Concentration, the study found those who focused on memorizing did far better than those who made notes and then had the notes taken away.

For the course of the activities recommended in this book, I advise forgoing writing down every little thing in favor of pondering it, looking at new ideas from different angles using only your brain, and committing them to your gray matter for integration into solving of the problem What do I do with the rest of my life?

This isn’t about achieving the answer via steady, linear analysis, but about having massive insight suddenly pop into existence.

I don’t jot down such thoughts unless it’s to log a specific idea I wish to write about. For examining your life and what the future must hold, however, specificity isn’t usually the way. Beeman explained that for life-changing insight to strike, you need to have all the pieces of the puzzle floating in your brain at once.

It may take a while to gather enough information to achieve epiphany, and that’s okay. There is time: time to daydream, time to imagine the new course. Whenever you’re feeling pensive or have a few moments to envision the future stages of your life, engage in some free association and contemplate what possible paths you could take.

You don’t have to go it alone.

Talk it over with friends. Surf the internet. Log on to social media and see what other people are doing. Wheels need not be reinvented. Seek inspiration from others who have been where you are.

Perhaps consider fencing. It’s fun.

Take it all in, move it from the front of your brain to the back, then to the middle; put it on cerebral spin cycle for a bit, return it to the front, and see what gets spit out.

Sometimes a walk in the sunshine or an evening lying under the stars helps with the process.

Carved in Stone

You want to be like Lesley? Patience, grasshopper. Sudden change in one’s motivational level may happen in a moment, but the stage must first be set. Evidence reveals that you can stack the deck in your favor and make epiphany happen.

As a test, I made a significant one happen for myself while researching this book. There is an important aspect of my life I have tried to change many times, over years and years, always to no avail. But then I used some of the methods outlined in this book, and that was it. The desired change happened. I made the ground shift, and a major life change took place just like that. And it was easy!

That story is in chapter 10. This was not a small thing like making my bed every day or flossing my teeth. It was much bigger, and I have reaped tremendous benefits from the experience.

I want to help you get there, to reach the point where a new sense of purpose awakens and your unstoppable will is unleashed. To do that, you need to understand the phenomenon of sudden transformation, so you can open yourself to possibility.

For Lesley, in that single moment of fencing practice, when she felt her sense of belonging and purpose awaken, her life altered course and gave her the power to keep altering it. This is the secret so many who change their bodies, break addiction, and achieve success and happiness often miss: To change their lives, they first must change their sense of who they are. The concept of shifting one’s identity is a recurring theme in The Holy Sh!t Moment, because that’s what epiphany does: it doesn’t change behaviors, it changes you.

The traditional methods of behavior change preach the tortoise approach over that of the hare, but there is a problem with that story: The hare in Aesop’s fable was an idiot. If he’d been smart, he would have kicked that reptile’s ass.

When it comes to changing who you are, sometimes it’s better to be a hare. It is an amazing thing to experience a potent, emotional event that shocks you into clarity of purpose. Besides, baby steps are lame. Why slowly build a bridge across that chasm when you have the power to leap to the other side?

This instant transformation of will seems magical. But sometimes you must meet the magic moment partway.

I had a life-changing epiphany that arrived out of nowhere, and it spurred me to action, to go from flunking my courses to acing them, as well as to getting out of debt. That accomplished, I tackled my physique next, and that part was, shall we say, less inspired for a time.

I had to do the traditional baby steps. I had to be the tortoise. I had to slog.

But not for long. My mind had learned to recognize epiphany. Over the course of two months, my attitude shifted from “This sucks” to “This isn’t completely horrible.” And realizing that regular exercise no longer felt like a soul-destroying endeavor initiated a massive and rapid transformation of mind-set. I put in some hours and met the magic moment along the way.

As did Lesley. Remember, her life-changing epiphany didn’t happen the first time she held a blade. It took a couple of months of parries and ripostes to awaken a sudden and total transformation into who she was meant to be.

You will read of others in this book who did not have to meet epiphany partway. Lightning struck out of nowhere, and they were inspired from day one. That totally happens, and I hope it happens for you. But if it doesn’t, you’re going to have to be ready to do some uninspired work while keeping your brain attuned to receiving inspiration. In coming chapters, I’ll offer advice on using traditional methods of step-by-step behavior change to help generate a sudden leap forward.

There are myriad methods of rapid and significant life change, but all such roads share one undeniable characteristic: a deep emotional sensation that carves a new sense of purpose into a person’s being, like a chisel working on stone. Conversely, the traditional (read: boring) models of gradual, step-by-step cognitive behavior change seem to be lacking in their ability to create passionate adherence. Resultantly, such laborious methods of struggling to develop new habits may not be the most effective way of achieving change.

Sometimes dramatic lifestyle change “just happens” because of reaching enlightenment that arrives beyond cognition. Again, this is not a decision; it is an awakening. Such an awakening inspires one’s determination and dedication to succeed.

Sometimes Santa Claus does exist, and he brings you a gift of overwhelming passion to kick ass at life.

And such sudden change is a scientifically explainable phenomenon one can pursue with purpose, leaving less to random chance, to create a better life. This book is about providing you with actionable tasks that help set the stage for a specific moment: that space in time when something so vital and important takes place inside the mind that your life is divided into “old you” and “new, righteous, unstoppable you.”

It’s the moment the grizzly is released from its cage. Suddenly free, the massive beast looks you in the eye, tilts its head back toward its massively muscled back, and says, “Hop aboard, kid. You and I are going places.”

What Is an Epiphany?

I have a couple of master’s degrees and am a stickler for the science. This book includes references to reams of peer-reviewed journals alongside exclusive interviews with some of the most renowned experts in behavior change on the planet.

That’s why it pains me to use Wikipedia as a reference.

From the ancient Greek epiphaneia, meaning “manifestation, striking appearance,” an epiphany is often described as a scientific breakthrough, or religious or philosophical enlightenment. However, it can represent myriad situations in which deeper understanding is suddenly attained.

The apocryphal story of an alleged apple falling and allegedly hitting Sir Isaac Newton on the head describes when he allegedly had an epiphany about the nature of gravity. Alas, this is not how innovation and technological advancement work.

In his book The Myths of Innovation, author Scott Berkun’s first chapter is titled “The Myth of Epiphany.” In it, he describes the story of Newton and the apple to debunk the popular understanding of epiphany. The author then quotes the primary inventor of the laser, Gordon Gould, to provide an example of how scientific advancement usually works.

In the middle of one Saturday night … the whole thing … suddenly popped into my head and I saw how to build the laser … but that flash of insight required the 20 years of work I had done in physics and optics to put all the bricks of that invention in there.

A pot-smoking teenager watching SpongeBob SquarePants in his parent’s basement isn’t likely to have a stroke of brilliance regarding the nature of light amplification. Gould, a renowned physicist who had worked on the development of the first atomic bomb, spent twenty years of toil working to resolve an enigma, and when enlightenment was finally achieved, some would refer to that as an epiphany. But it is no such thing. It is simply that last piece of the puzzle—a puzzle he’d been working on for decades—being put into place.

Human behavior can work in similar ways. One may have been debating, mulling over, and gathering information about a new path for years, and a life-changing event—that triggering moment—is the final illumination before they are ready to make that sudden switch from unconsciously “thinking about it,” to an instant and wholehearted This is happening!

Conversely, it truly can strike out of nowhere, because decisive behavioral change is not often the same as building a laser or theorizing gravity. It can be as simple as hearing an old song on the radio. You may be driving along, listening to the classic rock station, and Van Halen’s 1992 hit “Right Now” comes on and you feel it; you realize it is indeed your tomorrow, and you decide to catch the magic moment. Such a phenomenon can reshape your sense of being and purpose in life in a near instantaneous wave of emotion that provides you with new insight and motivation regarding the way forward.

Lesley Chapman didn’t dwell on what was wrong with her life or how to change it until that singular moment when she discovered what it was like to feel something right.

For some, they need to hit rock bottom before they’re ready to leap toward the light. You don’t need to be that desperate, but you’re reading this because you know that change—be it moderate or massive—is something you desire. If you feel dramatic change is something you must achieve, then you also need to seek out a transformative moment to initiate such change.

Much of the pre-work involves information gathering and embracing new ways of thinking, but it also requires not letting sudden insight pass you by.

It involves opening your mind, asking the question Is this it?

It’s about looking at the world with an investigative mind-set, in which what you seek is opportunity to change. Inspiration can arrive from anywhere and at any time. Be prepared.

Is. This. It?

Ask yourself that question when you experience something that might be a catalyst for change. Most of the time, the answer to the question is going to be “No, it really isn’t.” But it’s all practice.

It can be because of this practice, the opening of yourself, the attunement, that allows epiphany to strike. Speaking of practice, getting stuck is good.

“When you tackle a problem, and fail to solve it, it sticks in your craw—and your brain.” This is from Professor Beeman’s book The Eureka Factor, coauthored with John Kounios, a professor of psychology in cognitive and brain sciences at Drexel University. The authors explain that ideas can require an “incubation period.” The work you do thinking now doesn’t mean you have your epiphany right now too. You work until you “get stuck.” Then the unconscious takes over while you’re busy doing other things.

In most stories of major life transformation, an epiphany is almost a constant. Many who have experienced massive change can identify a specific instance when their outlook got on track in a much more positive way. Changing one’s body is a powerful manifestation of the moment of change, because a healthy body often equates to a healthy mind, and overcoming the challenges associated with physical improvement also imparts valuable life skills. I mean, unless it’s weight loss resulting from unhealthy methods such as popping unregulated diet pills like they’re Skittles or going on some batshit crazy fad diet some celebrity is flogging. The latest dietary dumbassery I heard about was an Oscar winner proudly proclaiming the completion of her eight-day-long, goat-milk-only cleanse. I’m happy I don’t have the job of cleaning her bathroom.

The Snowball Effect

There is a switch inside many people set at “I can’t.”

When it flips over to “I can” for one thing, it doesn’t stop there. Research shows life-changing epiphanies are rarely “one and done.” Often the catalyst for initial change is a massive mental shift, but smaller epiphanies can arise at random during people’s life journeys, to bump them further along their quests to be the best humans they can. Professor Miller explained that people who have such experiences often have further, clarifying epiphanies later in life. “There appears to be an opening to having that experience,” he said.

Take a moment and think back: Has this happened before?

Have you experienced a life-changing moment in the past? What was it like? How did it manifest? Can you relive it? Can you imagine something like that happening again? Did you learn something important from the experience you can bring toward future life change?

If the answer is yes, it’s called a “past performance accomplishment.” It’s a parameter of self-efficacy theory, created by Stanford University psychology professor Albert Bandura in 1977. It’s about how you form perceptions regarding your ability to perform specific behaviors. Past success = confidence, which makes people more determined to persevere, even in the face of adversity.

If you’ve had an important insight in the past, it makes it more likely you can have one again in the future. Cue Jimi Hendrix: Are you experienced?

Positive life change can assume myriad forms; don’t fret if you’re not interested in pushing your body. But I do encourage contemplating some form of activity as part of the new you. I say this because you were not meant to sit idly and watch Earth spin on her axis. You were meant to rise and join the fray that is the human condition. Movement empowers from top to toenails; it can even come to define you, should you find the right exercise.

Whichever activity a person chooses, if they enjoy it, is the right one. The path ahead has more choices than there are beers in a Munich autumn. Finding which flavor suits best requires taking a few taste tests.

The Holy Sh!t Moment is about achieving the clarity of purpose to carve your own path to success.

Switching Tracks

Consider this word carefully: “momentous.”

The topic of this book is not about merely deciding the future path your life will take. It is about a momentous event in which you suddenly become aware of the answer and change at a fundamental level from the experience. It’s not only a spark of insight, it’s an awakening of passion.

Such an “answer” is rarely well-defined or black-and-white, and effort is required to find your way along the appropriate path.

Do you remember The Karate Kid? Not the worst film ever, but the message is dogshit.

Perhaps you’re too young, or maybe you were there, in that theater, and you disagree. That’s because it was the eighties, the decade of bad decisions, even though we didn’t realize it at the time. So many pastels …

Go ahead and watch it again—the original with Ralph Macchio—and see if you realize why the message it relays is canine feces.

My wife is a second-degree black belt in karate. Both our children are black belts, and my daughter competes at the international level. I can attest that you don’t get good at karate by spending a few weeks waxing cars and painting fences. You get good at it because it’s your lifelong passion. And because it is your passion, you are motivated to do the damn work, hours of work, day after day and year after year!

The Karate Kid disrespects the work by advocating an extreme shortcut to success. It disrespects the fact that my daughter has been in karate since she was five years old, and trained her ass off, sometimes twenty or more hours a week, to win that gold medal at the USA Open ten years later.

Work is glorious, and inspired work transforms. It transforms your body, your mind, your spirit. Someone who kicks ass at life is not a sofa-sitter. Such people can be efficient, but they’re not the type always questing for a quick fix. They don’t believe—using weight loss as an example—that some miracle macronutrient ratio is going to open a rift in the space-time-insulin continuum and magically transport their belly fat to a parallel universe. They know effort is required, but they don’t mind, because they’ve become inspired.

Work equals accomplishment, the forms of which can be innumerable, and such accomplishments are habit-forming. Again, this is far from being just about diet and exercise. For someone who feels their life lacks purpose, it can be an amazing thing to suddenly find more drive than you know what to do with.

Here is a quick task. It should only take a few seconds, but that doesn’t mean it will be easy. You ready?

Make a promise to yourself that you’re done with believing in bullshit quick fixes and unrealistic shortcuts to major accomplishment, be they accomplishments with your body, your brain, your career, your finances, or your relationships. Accept reality: it is work creating your desired outcome. Do it now. Integrate this fundamental truth. Then move forward.

The overarching goal is to change the way you feel about the work so it doesn’t seem like work. That is an attitude adjustment that can happen in just a few seconds. There can be a rapid change in mind-set. You can’t become a karate master quickly, but you can become inspired to do it in an instant. It’s this accelerated mental shift that has the power to change your life.