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The Alcohol Experiment: 30 days to take control, cut down or give up for good
1. AWARENESS. Name your belief. In the context of alcohol, this is your conscious reason for drinking, simply put it into words:
Alcohol relaxes me.
2. CLARITY. Discover why you believe it and where it originated. You do this by asking questions—both of yourself and of the external evidence—and uncovering truths about your belief.
What have I observed that supports this belief?
Happy hour. And the idea that everyone unwinds with a cocktail after a stressful day at work.
Every time I talk to my friends about my struggles, either with my kids or husband, they always say something like, “Oh, no! Don’t worry, I know just the thing—you need some wine immediately!”
What are my experiences with alcohol and relaxation?
I’ve felt the relaxing effects of alcohol myself. After a stressful day at work, a drink seems to calm my nerves and allows me to transition from the hard workday to a relaxing evening.
Then it’s time to do some detective work and compare this belief with both your internal and external realities. Internally, you will ask yourself questions like these:
What do I mean by “relax”?
How do I feel when I’m not relaxed?
How do I feel when I am relaxed?
Does anything else make me feel the same way?
How do I feel while I’m drinking? Is that the same feeling as “relaxed”?
How do I feel the next day? Is that relaxed?
Is it true, scientifically? Does alcohol relax human beings?
Externally, you will examine the evidence. Does research support this belief? What do external sources say about this belief? Do they support or contradict it? And don’t worry, you won’t have to do a bunch of research—throughout the 30 days of the experiment I’ll be supplying the studies and data.
3. TURNAROUND. This is where you allow your subconscious to let go of the belief, deciding if after exploration it is indeed true for you. There are two steps here.
First, you turn the initial belief around and find as many ways as you can that the opposite of your initial belief is true. For example, if your belief is “alcohol relaxes me” the opposite becomes “alcohol does not relax me” or “alcohol stresses me out.”
Now that you’ve stated the opposite, come up with as many reasons as you can that the opposite is as true as or truer than the original belief. Examples might include
• Alcohol stresses my body out; a hangover is evidence of that.
• Alcohol prevents me from taking the action necessary to truly relieve my stress, so in that case it does not relax me.
• When I drink, I am more likely to get in an argument with my spouse, and fighting is stressful.
• When I drink, I beat myself up about it the next day, and that is stressful.
Once you’ve done that, the final step is simply to decide if this belief still holds true for you and if it is serving you or if you would be better off letting it go.
ACT: Awareness. Clarity. Turnaround. It’s an effective, scientific way to shine a light into your subconscious and figure out what’s actually causing your behavior. And you can find a guided worksheet in the back of this book to apply this process to any belief that comes up about alcohol, or about anything else in your life.
The important thing to remember is that there is no wrong answer! You are not messing up if you go through this process and still feel the belief is true for you. I know it sounds counterintuitive, but trust me on this—this process is about presenting your subconscious mind with information, facts, and logic. It’s about shifting your mind-set. And while that can often happen quickly by simply reading through the ACT chapters, it can also happen more slowly over time. Again, there are no wrong answers.
Now you know there’s something deeper at work here, and there’s something you can do about it, I hope you’re excited about this experiment! My ACT technique works. You can use it to enact change in so many areas of your life. It’s so empowering. You can use it to lose weight, start exercising, stop procrastinating, and be a better parent. For now, though, let’s focus on your drinking.
Often we don’t think about how much we drink or why we drink—like we’re doing in this experiment—until drinking is no longer an option. We don’t know if we drink because there’s chaos in our lives, or if there’s chaos because we drink. Suddenly, when the option to escape through drinking isn’t there, we’re forced to take a look at what’s going on in our lives and what might be triggering us. What are we trying to distract ourselves from? Sometimes the answer is obvious. Work is stressful. The boss yelled again. But other times there doesn’t seem to be an obvious trigger. Sometimes we drink to avoid anything unpleasant or stressful. This experiment offers us the option to switch from seeing stress as a reason to drink to seeing it as an opportunity to be creative and find other ways to deal with our problems. Maybe addressing the source of the stress is a good idea. Maybe blowing off steam on the driving range or at a boxing gym would be equally satisfying, and you could get a healthy workout in as a bonus.
As adults, we develop all sorts of coping mechanisms to handle stress. Maybe you like to read a book, meditate, knit, watch TV, or exercise. When I was in New York, I used to go for a long run at the end of the day. Then when I was encouraged to attend all sorts of boozy work events, from happy hours to networking meetings, that healthy habit got replaced by alcohol. Over time, all my healthy coping mechanisms were replaced with alcohol, and my life was thrown completely out of balance. What I’ve learned is that when we’re tired, stressed out, cranky, or upset, we don’t need alcohol. What we need is to change our emotional state. We need to do something to go from tired to energized, from cranky to happy. And we turn to alcohol.
You are going to experience stress over the next 30 days, I can pretty much guarantee it. But rather than saying, “Screw it!” and giving up, stop and think through it. If you have a drink now, how will that make you feel later? It might make you feel better temporarily, but you’ll probably feel even worse the next morning when you realize you broke your promise to yourself. But here is the thing—every day that you read a chapter, you are learning, and so I strongly encourage you to pick up right where you left off and keep going. If you make it 30 days with just a few drinks, that is a huge improvement, and you will have learned so much. This experiment is about getting through all the information and staying curious about your behavior, whatever it is. I recommend keeping a journal (you can even jot down your thoughts in the notes app on your phone) or a video diary to record your thoughts each day. Notice how your body feels physically and emotionally. You might be surprised by the changes you see from day to day.
I’m not here to tell you to stop drinking. Or to keep drinking. I’m simply here to provide you with a framework to discover your truth through logical reasoning based on scientific information. At the end of the day, you are the only one who can make the choice. My only goal is to challenge some of the beliefs that might be holding you back. It’s a terrible feeling to want something new or different and feeling like you’re stuck, unable to move toward it in any meaningful way. One way or another, you’ll be able to make a move by the end of this experiment. Your job is simple. Observe and become aware for 30 alcohol-free days. Be a reporter. Just the facts, ma’am.
If you’re used to beating yourself up over your drinking, give yourself a break during the experiment. And if you slip up, give yourself a break then, too. The goal is not to be perfect. The goal is simply to test out a new way of thinking and behaving to see how it feels. To see if it moves you closer to those desires you have for a new life. In fact, imperfection can be a wonderful tool to help you see yourself even more clearly.
What I ask of you now, for the next 30 days, is to keep an open mind. Consider the possibilities presented in each day’s reading. Is it possible that you could have the facts all wrong? For example, could anxiety be a heavy influence on your drinking? Is it possible that there is more going on with marketing and the profit engine of the alcohol industry than you currently realize? Is there something going on within the brain that makes alcohol seem more attractive than it truly is? Again, all I ask is that you keep an open mind. At the end, you might decide to keep drinking, and maybe you’ll naturally cut down on the amount you drink. Or you might decide to stop altogether because you feel so good. It’s your body, your mind, and your choice.
One of the most interesting things I’ve found in my years of research is just how many people want to change their drinking. I thought I was alone. I thought I was the only one who was questioning my drinking habits. Nothing could be further from the truth! It’s not that we are alone. In our society, questioning our relationship with alcohol is a taboo, even among our closest friends. An honest conversation around drinking seems to invite judgment. Yet the statistics are staggering. Eighty percent of Americans drink alcohol, and a huge majority drink it regularly. And think about this: Out of the people you know who drink alcohol regularly, how many of them have said something like “I overdid it last night” or “After last night I am never drinking again” at one time or another? Most of them, right? Almost everyone I know, and certainly everyone I drank with, has told me that they wanted to change their drinking at some point, to some degree.
So you are not alone in wondering about this topic. You are in the vast majority.
Another thing I’ve realized after reaching hundreds of thousands of people with this message is that drinking more than you want is not a weakness. If you’ve tried to stop drinking in the past and failed, I want you to know it’s not your fault. Some of the smartest and most successful people in the world drink more than they want to, including lawyers, doctors, corporate executives, psychiatrists, professors, you name it. And when they try to cut back, they don’t find it easy. And when it is not easy, we blame ourselves, believing there is something wrong with us. As you will discover, there is nothing wrong with you; it’s simply that you are a human being who is drinking a substance that is addictive to human beings.
Why is this happening to even the smartest and best of us? Because we’re going about it all wrong. The entire conversation around alcohol is flawed. And by the time you finish this book, and the 30-day experiment, you’ll see that it’s not black-and-white. You’re not either “a normal drinker” or “an alcoholic.” Most of us fall somewhere in the middle. So relax and let go of your anxieties. There are no judgments here. And even though I’ve decided to stop drinking indefinitely, you might make a different decision after doing this experiment. My only goal is to give you as much truthful information as I can so that you can make the right decision for you. An informed decision.
Magic happens in 30 days. It’s a period of time when the brain can actually change—by making new neural connections—to build great new habits or to eliminate habits that have held you back. But to experience that magic, you may have to deal with a few side effects. After all, alcohol is a toxin and your body needs to cleanse itself. You might experience some cravings and irritability at first. This is completely normal and will pass as the alcohol leaves your system. It takes about a week for the body to detoxify itself, so be gentle with yourself during this period. Once your system is clean, you’re going to feel amazing! You’ll have more energy. Your brain will feel like a fog has lifted. And it’s possible you’ll feel happier than you have in a long time. Here are a few things you can do to help the process along.
• Make a firm decision to commit to this experiment 100 percent. One firm decision takes all the stress out of the thousands of smaller decisions you have to make every day. You want to burn the boats here like there’s no going back. It’s only 30 days. And at the end, you get to make the final decision about whether you continue on alcohol-free.
• Tell someone you trust about what you’re doing and why. It’s okay if you don’t want to announce it to the world quite yet. But there’s incredible power in having someone you can confide in. Do this and you’re much more likely to follow through with the whole 30 days.
• Drink plenty of water to flush out all the toxins in your system. The more you drink clean, pure water, the faster your body can cleanse itself.
• Get lots of sleep. Your body repairs itself when you’re asleep, so give it all the time it needs. If you’re worried you won’t be able to sleep without drinking, we’ll cover that later in the book.
• Get some exercise. You’ll feel better when you get your blood moving. And I’ve found vigorous exercise to be a great way to overcome both cravings and irritability.
• Eat healthy foods, especially protein. Your body needs protein to make amino acids, which help elevate your mood.
• Start a journal. You’re going to want to “talk” through what you learn in this book, and a journal is a great place to record your thoughts privately. You can use an app on your phone, make a video diary, or use good old-fashioned pen and paper. If you sign up at alcoholexperiment.com, you’ll get a private daily digital journal. It’s a great way to keep track of your amazing progress.
• Take a photo and weigh yourself. You might be surprised at the differences you see in your physical appearance after 30 days without alcohol.
• Stay social. Now is not the time to isolate yourself or lock yourself away from your friends and family. You need your social life. You need your friends. You might be nervous about going out to places where you regularly drink. But this is an experiment. You have to get out there and try it. You are experimenting with how your real life will be without alcohol. As you go along, you will be amazed to realize you don’t need alcohol to socialize or have a good time. You only thought you did. Think back to when you were a child or in high school—did you need alcohol then? Weren’t you having the most fun? And what’s the worst that can happen? You go out to happy hour, you order a refreshing glass of iced tea, and you have a miserable time. So what? It’s just one evening, and it’s all part of the experiment. That is great data. You can examine exactly why you had a miserable time and whether the lack of alcohol is truly the reason. I bet you will surprise yourself by having an amazing time.
• Be positive! Many people tell me their biggest fear is they don’t think they can do it. They aren’t sure they’re strong enough to make it 30 days. Don’t kick off this experiment by feeling sorry for yourself. You have so much to look forward to. Sure, the cleansing process takes a little while and it’s not entirely pleasant, but you are strong and you can handle it. The same people who thought they couldn’t do it write to me after a week or two to say they can’t believe the difference in themselves. They now know they are stronger than they thought.
• Join this book’s online social challenge at alcoholexperiment.com. There you can do this experiment with thousands of like-minded people from all over the globe. You will get amazing community support, plus daily video resources and a private online journal to document your progress. There are even Alcohol Experiment mentors there who’ve already gone through this process and who are committed to helping you make it all the way to the end. (For a reader’s discount, please visit alcoholexperiment.com/reader) Throughout this book, you’ll find stories and observations from actual community members. The comments are real, though the names have been changed.
This is a 30-day experiment, right? So I just want you to read the short lesson for each day. Try to read it in the morning, if you can, and put the recommendations into practice during the day. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself having epiphanies in the shower or shouting, “Holy cow!” while you’re driving. Once your mind starts mulling over some of these ideas, there’s no telling where your thoughts can go.
As with almost everything in life, your perspective can determine your outcome. So instead of thinking about giving something up, think about what you’re going to gain: self-respect, more money in your wallet, a better relationship with your spouse and your kids, better health, better working relationships, a leaner body, and more.
This is exciting! You are embarking on an amazing journey. And don’t worry—it’s only 30 days. You can do anything for 30 days.
Are you ready?
Let’s go!
What’s Your Why?
The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to blame. The gift is yours—it is an amazing journey—and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.
—BOB MOAWAD
We’ve talked about how you’ve been unconsciously conditioned to believe alcohol is a vital part of life for relaxing, socializing, and everything in between. And you know there are competing desires inside your mind. Your conscious mind wants to drink less, or even stop drinking completely. And your subconscious mind believes you need to keep drinking for some very good reasons. Before we dive into those beliefs and stories and deciding if they’re true, we need to know what those beliefs actually are. After reading literally thousands of stories from people who’ve gone through this process, I’m pretty sure I know what your beliefs are. But that’s not important. What’s important is that YOU know what they are. So let’s start this experiment by writing a list.
Write down a list of every reason you drink. There’s no judgment here. We simply want a list.
To get you going, here’s a look at part of my list. You might have some of the same reasons.
• Work is stressful and drinking helps me relax after a long day.
• Drinking helps me be more creative on the job.
• Drinking helps me be more outgoing at networking events.
• Drinking is important to my social relationships.
• I love the taste of wine.
Don’t stop with a few reasons; keep going until you can’t think of any more. You might come up with 50 or 100 reasons, and that’s fine.
You’ve brought your subconscious beliefs up to the surface of your mind. Now we can shine a light on them, examine them, and you can decide for yourself whether those beliefs are true. And you can make that decision based on the facts, not social conditioning from the media and your peers. Don’t do anything with this list right now. Don’t try to change your mind. At the moment, these are your beliefs, and they’re currently true in your life. As I present you different ideas over the next 30 days, you may think about this list differently.
Okay, next I want you to pull out another piece of paper and make a second list. Write down all the reasons you want to take part in this experiment. WHY do you think you might want to drink less? Here’s a peek at my list:
• I’m tired of waking up slightly hungover.
• I no longer want to worry that I said something stupid the night before.
• I am sick of the internal dialogue about my drinking—I am tired of thinking about drinking.
• I saw a photo of myself out with friends and my teeth looked purplish from wine—it was disgusting.
• I look back on certain days and my memories are so fuzzy. I am afraid I am missing my life because I can’t clearly remember it all.
TODAY, read over both your lists and notice how they are in conflict with each other. This is the whole source of your cognitive dissonance. It’s the battle going in your mind all the time, written in your own words. Over the coming weeks, it might help you to picture these lists on either side of a seesaw or a balance. Right now, the first list might be longer than the second one. In a few weeks, check back in to see if the balance has shifted at all.
Day 1 Reflections from alcoholexperiment.com
“I am sick of alcohol damaging my life in so many ways, including making an idiot of myself, hangovers, feeling violently ill, wasted time and opportunity, horrendous fights with my husband, putting a strain on my marriage, weight gain, no exercise, loosened stomach, way too big an appetite, anxiety, smoking, money, no time.”
—JULIANNA
“Today is the first day of the rest of my life.”
—BRIAN
“Hey guys. Day 1 here. Interested to see if my list of reasons why I drink was smaller than my list of reasons why I am here. I am taking that as a sign that I have more reason to stop than to continue drinking. I have more to gain from being AF [Alcohol Free]. I feel quite motivated by that.”
—ROMERO
“I decided that my life is my own and I am ready to live it the way I want to, and that doesn’t include alcohol.”
—LIZA
ACT #1
The Taste of Alcohol
NOTE: The idea of the ACT Technique—Awareness, Clarity, Turnaround—is to give you an alternate perspective. It is an exercise to help you resolve your or internal disagreement around alcohol. First, we’ll become aware by naming a belief you have about drinking. Then we’ll gain clarity around that belief, looking at where it came from and how you may have picked it up without even knowing it. We’ll also look at the internal and external evidence that supports that belief (or doesn’t). Finally, we’ll decide if the belief holds true through a turnaround. We will look at the opposite of the belief, and decide if the opposite is as true as or truer than the original belief. When this process is complete, you get to decide if you still believe this and, more important, if that belief is serving you or if your life would be better by simply letting it go. No matter what you decide, you will gain a new perspective. The whole idea is to play detective and look at the evidence and form an objective opinion.
What’s your all-time favorite drink? The one you can’t wait to get your hands on at the end of a long day or on Friday night? I bet if you think about it hard enough, you can even taste it right now. Taste is an innocent reason for drinking. After all, no one thinks twice about eating ice cream or nachos. They taste good! And our favorite alcoholic beverages are the same way. But for the sake of this experiment, let’s dig a little deeper.
