The Missing Husband

‘It happens more often than you’d think,’ the policeman said and probably wasn’t aware that his thumb stroked the flesh around the third finger of his left hand where perhaps a wedding band had once been. ‘Given that he didn’t go to his family, is there anyone else he could have turned to?’

‘You mean was he having an affair?’ Jo had questioned her entire belief system in the last twenty-four hours but in this one regard she had come back with the same answer time and time again. She shook her head and said, ‘No, I won’t believe that of him, not David. And apart from the fact that I trust him implicitly, we work together. Yes, he goes out with his friends and his brother, but I really don’t see how he’d have the opportunity, not without me knowing or at least suspecting.’

‘You understand why I have to ask,’ Martin said by way of an apology.

‘Of course. You’re not asking anything I haven’t already asked myself. We were happy.’ The use of the past tense had been an unconscious slip and one that frightened Jo and made Martin raise his eyebrows so she hurried on, ‘I’ll admit it hasn’t been easy of late but I’ve never doubted my love for my husband and before now I never doubted his love for me. I questioned why he loved me often enough, but I never doubted it.’

‘What do you mean by that?’

‘David and I are complete opposites. He’s spontaneous, daring, a bit of a risk taker while I’m more measured, less impulsive. He adds the colour to my black-and-white world while I …’ Jo’s mind stalled as she tried to think exactly what it was that she added to David’s life. Why had he put up with her?

There was an uncomfortable pause and Jo imagined the policeman losing interest in the case by the second. She had spent the last twenty-four hours searching for answers and was slowly and painfully coming to the conclusion that David must have abandoned her, and now she was convincing Martin of the same thing.

‘You said there have been issues recently. Was there something in particular putting a strain on your marriage?’

Jo lifted the brochure up but only enough to hide the gentle mound of her stomach. ‘As my sister was keen to point out, I’m pregnant. We’d agreed to start a family when I was thirty. It was David who came up with the plan but then he is the planner – or at least that’s what’s written on his job description,’ she added bitterly. She was repeating a well-worn argument that was no stranger to those same four walls. ‘And me, being the one who follows policies and procedures to the letter, I thought once we had a plan we would stick to it. I was looking forward to being a mum. I really wanted to start a family with the man I loved.’

Her voice softened as the dream she had spent years creating came so vividly to mind. As if sensing her excitement, FB made her stomach flip; then the colour faded from her imaginary world. ‘But David changed his mind and at first I couldn’t blame him. He was affected by his dad’s death quite deeply and I didn’t push, but after a year of prevaricating, I told him that I’d had enough. I didn’t exactly tell him I was coming off the pill, but I didn’t say I wasn’t, either.’

‘So he wasn’t happy when you told him you were pregnant?’

Jo’s laugh was hollow. ‘It was more a matter of him being in shock and OK, maybe a little angry too. He didn’t agree with how I’d gone about things, but he didn’t blame me either.’

‘It sounds like you wanted different things,’ he said.

‘No, I think we wanted the same things – just at different times. He wanted to see more of the world before settling down, that’s all. If things had gone his way then we would have been in America this week.’

‘Ah …’ Martin said and took the brochure which Jo was finally ready to relinquish.

‘I’m finding it impossible to believe that he would hop on the next plane to America,’ she said, ‘but there are pages torn out, pages that David was poring over just before I dropped the bombshell. And now I can’t account for where those pages might be or, more importantly, his passport … It doesn’t look good, does it?’

‘It’s one line of enquiry,’ Martin agreed but wouldn’t commit himself further. ‘So tell me more about how things have been lately. Was he getting used to the idea of becoming a father?’

‘He was more subdued than anything. It was as if he wanted to be excited but was afraid to be,’ Jo said hesitantly. ‘But then I wasn’t much better. I felt guilty about trapping him – if you can trap someone you’re already married to.’ Her voice tightened as she finished her sentence and she looked away, out of the window, blinking back tears.

‘So you would have told him about the baby around five months ago?’

Jo’s guilt was showing on her face when she turned back to Martin with a wavering smile. ‘I took my time telling him, so it was more like three or four months ago. Still enough time to plan his escape, do you think?’

Rather than answer her, he pursed his lips then said, ‘Had anything happened more recently that might have made him want to up and leave now?’

The hairs on the back of Jo’s neck stood on end as she felt another layer of her life being stripped away. ‘David came with me for the twenty-week scan a few weeks ago and I thought we had reached a turning point. He had even come up with a name for my bump.’ She patted her stomach and didn’t give a second thought to the blush rising in her cheeks. ‘We’d started calling it FB. Don’t ask why, because I don’t think even I followed his logic.’ There was a brief pause for a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes and then she added, ‘But anyway, when we got there for the scan, all David wanted to know was if I would be able to travel on a long haul flight.’ There was still a note of disbelief in Jo’s voice. ‘He was still more interested in going ahead with our holiday than he was about becoming a father.’

‘You argued about it?’

‘Not as such,’ Jo said. ‘I didn’t tell him how annoyed I was although I’m sure he picked up on it. I was still trying to be patient and understanding, but the comment festered, I suppose. Then, the night before he left for Leeds, he asked me to get up at an ungodly hour to give him a lift to the station. I’d been waiting and waiting for him to accept this pregnancy and our baby, to start fussing over me, and this was the final straw. What annoyed me most of all was that he couldn’t understand why I was so upset with him for asking for the lift.’ Eyes stinging with frustrated tears, Jo put her hand to her temple as if she could ease the pain of the memory.

‘How bad would you say the argument was? In the heat of the moment insults and allegations are often the weapons of choice and the cracks in a relationship can be blown wide apart. Is there anything you might have said which could have tipped David over the edge, if he was contemplating leaving?’

Jo had a feeling that Martin was talking from experience. ‘No, nothing like that and I know it sounds like our relationship was on shaky ground, but it wasn’t, not really. He loved me. Loves me.’

Martin pretended not to notice Jo wince at her use of the past tense again. ‘Was that the last time you spoke together?’

‘Yes, although he did leave a voicemail message.’

Jo tried to keep her hand steady as she held her mobile in the palm of her hand and switched to speakerphone. The ever-present knot in her stomach tightened a little as she prepared to hear David’s voice echo off the living-room walls for the first time since their argument.

Having heard the message countless times before, Jo knew every word and every sigh by heart but it was her analysis of those sounds that constantly changed.

‘So you’re still not speaking to me then?’ he clipped. The hiss from the sigh he released sounded taut with exasperation now, rather than the resignation she had first heard. ‘You’re so damn stubborn.’ There was another pause and the sound of movement. David was running his fingers through his hair. ‘You want things your way and you want them now. Well, you may not believe me but I have been thinking about the future. In fact, I haven’t been able to think of anything else and you’re in for one hell of a shock, Jo, because I’ve been making plans.’

The tone of voice was familiar; it was the one he used to tease her. It ought to have sounded playful and full of promise, but as Jo looked towards Martin, they both heard only the threat.

‘And before you say it, yes really,’ David was saying. There was another pause. Was he waiting for his wife to read between the lines? ‘I’d better go into the seminar now but I’ll see you later. Assuming you want me to come home, that is.’

After the message ended abruptly, it was Jo who spoke first.

‘Do you still think it’s worth exploring other lines of enquiry?’ she asked weakly, unsure how she wanted Martin to answer. Did she prefer to hear confirmation from a third party that her marriage was indeed in tatters or, worse still, for him to tell her there was a real chance that David was at the bottom of a ditch or floating in the Mersey?

‘At this stage, yes.’

The policeman looked around the room then shifted uncomfortably in his seat. ‘I can’t believe how spotless your house is,’ he remarked. ‘There’s a strong smell of bleach …’

Steph re-entered the room, moving so fast that the two cups in her hand slopped over her hand, but she seemed not to notice the scalding liquid as she glared at DS Baxter. ‘I hope you’re not suggesting for one minute that my sister had anything to do with David’s disappearing act! She’s bared her soul to you, for God’s sake!’

Jo gasped as the implications of Martin’s comments hit her. She wasn’t sure what surprised her more, the realization that she was one of the lines of enquiry or the unabashed look on the policeman’s face. Martin might not be the worn-out detective she had imagined but he clearly had enough years of experience to remain open-minded, if not a little cynical. What didn’t surprise her was the fact that Steph had been eavesdropping, but with her whole life about to be brought under scrutiny, her lack of privacy was something she was going to have to get used to.

8

The pencil moved across the page in long, sweeping curves, softly sighing as the figure began to take shape. Next came a series of scratches that brought the drawing into sharp focus and Jo refused to let anything else invade her thoughts. It was Saturday and David had been missing for three days and no one, not even the police had found any trace of him yet. It was as if he had been erased off the face of the earth and while Jo was tempted to summon him back into life with the sweep of a pencil, she was determined to remain grounded. She was forcing herself to carry on as if her life hadn’t been shattered.

‘How does it look so far?’ she asked with as much enthusiasm as she could summon.

‘Shouldn’t a wicked stepmother have a fancy wig or a big hat?’ asked her niece.

Jo and Lauren were sprawled out on Lauren’s bed with paper cuttings scattered around them for inspiration. Before replying, Jo settled her gaze on her niece’s flowing locks. ‘We could always get your mum to style your hair into a beehive – she’s good at that sort of thing.’

‘Do you think she would let me dye it? I was thinking maybe blonde.’

‘Who ever heard of an evil, blonde queen?’ Jo said, then picked up a cutting from a magazine and wafted it in front of Lauren. ‘Red hair is most definitely on-trend.’

‘Yeah, and there I was thinking you’d cut out pictures of models with red hair deliberately,’ Lauren said. ‘I don’t care how on-trend it is, I’m fed up being a ginger minger.’

Jo reached behind her head to grab her ponytail. It was long enough to swipe across Lauren’s face. ‘And is that what I am?’

‘You dye your hair.’

‘Only because I had the misfortune to be born with boring brown hair like your mum,’ Jo explained. Lauren’s ginger gene was rooted in her dad’s side of the family.

Lauren’s lips tightened to a thin line and she chose not to deign her aunt with a response. The fifteen-year-old liked to act as if she had a fifty-year-old head on her shoulders but that was often the point, it was only an act. Lauren’s maturity was like a new outfit she was struggling to grow into.

Jo stood her ground. ‘I’m in no mood to argue, Lauren,’ she warned. ‘We’ll add a headpiece but that’s as far as I’m willing to go.’

Rather than a counterattack, Lauren dropped her head and a flush rose in her cheeks. ‘Are you sure you’re up to making it now?’

Jo tapped a pencil against her chin as she took another look at the design she and Lauren had been working on. She had a flair for creativity that was distinctly underused in her choice of career. She might create policies and procedures, rules and regulations but even deciding which font to use in her reports was beyond her control; Nelson’s Engineering had set rules on branding. That was why she always jumped at the chance to put the creative skills she had acquired from her mum to good use whenever she could. ‘You’ve given me harder projects in the past,’ she said, deliberately misunderstanding her niece. ‘The owl and the pussycat costume was a particular challenge.’

Lauren had been seven when Jo had dressed her up as a black cat and built a cardboard boat complete with owl to hang around her middle. She had won first prize at the school fete, but the memory wasn’t enough to raise even a smile. ‘That wasn’t what I meant. Mum said we could hire something from a fancy dress shop.’

Jo failed miserably at her own attempt to smile, managing only to make her chin tremble. She swallowed hard and willed her emotions not to give her away. ‘What else do I have to do Lauren, except wait for news?’

‘You have the baby to look after.’

‘Oh, little FB doesn’t need any help from me right now.’

‘FB?’

‘It’s the name we gave my bump,’ she said, but was already regretting her slip. The family hadn’t known about the pet name, and she wanted to keep some things sacred, even from them. ‘Don’t tell anyone.’ When Lauren agreed, Jo moved on quickly. ‘The thing is, if I don’t have something to occupy myself then I’ll go crazy. You’re my therapy, Lauren,’ she told her niece with a hint of desperation. ‘So, how about deciding on the colour. The outfit that is, not your hair.’

Jo would have liked to have spent the entire day absorbed in the design of Lauren’s costume but this temporary distraction couldn’t keep her cocooned for ever. Her niece began spending more time on her phone messaging her friends than helping, and Jo found herself doodling rather than concentrating on the costume. When she realized she had filled an entire page with spirals that followed her train of thought in ever-decreasing circles, she knew it was time to go.

Her back ached almost as much as her heart when she went downstairs to find her sister.

‘I’ve made lasagne for tea,’ Steph said. ‘And there’s tiramisu for afters to keep with the Italian theme. It’s a Nigella recipe that I’ve been meaning to try for ages.’

‘Oh,’ Jo said. She looked at her watch and was surprised to see it was already gone five. She didn’t feel hungry, despite not eating properly for days. And even if she wasn’t sick with worry, she was too full of self-loathing to enjoy a meal while her husband was missing. ‘Sorry, Steph, I wasn’t planning on staying for dinner.’

Steph stopped what she was doing and released a puff of air, directing it upwards so it lifted her fringe and cooled her brow. She looked as if she had just finished an intense workout but the jog pants and trainers had never seen the inside of a gym despite her New Year’s resolution ten months ago to lose two stone. Steph put her hand on her hip, smudging chocolate custard on her T-shirt in the process. ‘I had a feeling you’d say that. You have to eat, Jo.’

Try as she might, Jo couldn’t accept Steph’s concern with the good grace it deserved. Her nerves were in tatters and it was too exhausting being polite all the time and with her sister, she knew she didn’t have to be, so she didn’t hold back. ‘For God’s sake, what is the sudden obsession with people wanting me to eat? Irene turned up yesterday with a chicken casserole as if filling the house with David’s favourite foods will make him magically reappear.’ She stopped and took a ragged breath, punctuating her next words with vicious jabs to the kitchen counter with an extended finger. ‘Well, it won’t. It won’t. I tried that on Wednesday night, remember?’ Realizing she was on the verge of losing control, Jo pursed her trembling lips.

‘I’m thinking of you, not David,’ Steph said patiently. ‘You’re the one who loves Italian. David’s more a meat and two veg kind of person, isn’t he?’ She waited for Jo to nod and then said, ‘Please stay.’

Jo shook her head. ‘I should be home in case …’ she started but couldn’t finish. Such hope was beginning to feel futile so she tried to find another justification. ‘I wouldn’t want Irene thinking I was out on the town enjoying myself.’

‘She wouldn’t think that, she knows you’re as worried about him as she is.’

‘She probably thinks it’s my fault and I wouldn’t blame her if she did.’

‘It’s not your fault, Jo.’

‘If David left me then, yes, Steph, of course it’s my fault!’

‘Not for the way he’s done it! Leaving you like this is unforgivable,’ her sister said, the last word a snarl.

‘Unless it wasn’t his choice,’ Jo said, immediately leaping to David’s defence. ‘What if he’s hurt, or been kidnapped by the Mob, or abducted by aliens … none of that makes it his fault.’ Jo pushed her fingers hard against her temples. These were the kind of thoughts that had made her head spin for days and once they started she couldn’t stop. The spirals she had been drawing in Lauren’s room danced across her vision and a wave of dizziness crashed into an equally powerful wave of nausea. She could taste the vomit burning the back of her throat and had to stop herself from gagging when she asked, ‘What if he’s lying in a ditch somewhere? What if, while everyone is cursing him for leaving me, he’s actually dead? What if he died loving me, which I know he did – or at least I thought he did? I’m not ready to start hating him, not until I’m absolutely sure I shouldn’t be grieving for him, so please don’t expect me to.’

When Steph put her hand on her shoulder, Jo shrugged her off. Any act of kindness now would tip her over the edge. ‘I don’t know what to do, Steph. I don’t know how to feel,’ she said in a hoarse whisper.

‘I wish I had the answers for you, Jo. And I wish there was more that I could do.’

Jo slowly pulled back her shoulders and looked at her sister. Both were amazed that Jo’s eyes were still dry. ‘You’re doing as much as you can, as much as anyone can,’ she said.

‘Well, I hate to add to your woes but Mum phoned while you were upstairs. She suggested coming down to keep you company.’

The colour drained from Jo’s face. She had already spoken to her mother and, with more strength than she thought she possessed, had assured her that she was coping. ‘Please say you talked her out of it.’

Steph smiled. ‘She didn’t take much convincing, actually. With Dad still away in France she would have had to close up shop and you know how she hates doing that.’

Their parents had moved to the Lake District ten years earlier. Ray was in the antiques business while Liz spent her time reclaiming and renovating the so-called junk her husband couldn’t sell. She had built up quite a reputation, but then it was a vocation that suited her frugal yet creative personality perfectly. Together, they made the perfect team and their antique-come-craft shop in Kendal had gone from strength to strength. It was also an arrangement that suited their two daughters who loved their parents dearly but preferred to keep Liz’s sometimes-overbearing nature at a distance. What Jo needed was time to work out for herself how she was supposed to feel and how she was meant to move forward before her mother waltzed on to the scene and told her what to do, which would probably involve hanging David out to dry.

‘I suppose I’d better phone when I get home,’ Jo said and made a move as if to leave.

‘You’re not going right now, are you? Gerry will be back from the shops soon; he can give you a lift.’

‘I walked here and I can walk back. I need all the fresh air I can get after being cooped up at home for days,’ Jo insisted but then followed Steph’s gaze out the kitchen window. It was already getting dark and home was a good two miles away. ‘At least it isn’t raining.’

‘If you have to go then you’re not going empty handed. I’ll put the lasagne in a container and if you can wait two minutes I’ll knock up a mini dessert too.’

‘Do I have a choice?’ Jo said raising her eyebrows but not an objection to taking home the food she had no intention of eating. Steph’s mothering was a much-needed balm and by far the better option to the smothering she would receive from her real mother.

‘No, you don’t. I know it’s hard but you have to look after yourself, Jo. Think of the baby.’

Jo’s hand was already resting on her bump. ‘I am trying.’

‘I know, and I’m going to help as much as I can. For a start, we need to do something about your coat. You’re going to freeze to death in that thing you came in.’

The showerproof jacket in question offered little protection against the elements, less so because Jo could no longer fasten the zip, so she didn’t argue when Steph said she could borrow her duffle coat which was two sizes bigger. ‘And let me know the minute you get home.’

‘I will.’

‘And make sure you keep to the main roads. Don’t go taking any short cuts in the dark.’

Jo nodded obediently, but like a naughty schoolgirl, she had her fingers crossed.

True to her word, Jo texted Steph to say she had arrived home safely, but it was the text itself that held the lie. She had made a slight detour and was standing outside West Allerton station with a good fifteen-minute walk still ahead of her. The route home was a well-known one because she and David had often caught the train here, usually when they were off out for a night on the tiles. Walking to the station was never a problem but on the way home she would complain drunkenly that they should get a taxi. Sometimes she won the argument but more often than not David used his powers of persuasion to convince her they could walk.

‘So you’re really going to wimp out on me?’ David had asked when she rested her head on his shoulder and looked up beseechingly as their train approached the station.

Jo groaned dramatically and lifted up a foot to reveal a very high and particularly beautiful strappy sandal. ‘My feet are killing me,’ she said. ‘And look, I’ve chipped a toenail already.’

‘But think of all the fun we’ll be missing. It’s a lovely summer’s evening and the stars are out. I could pick out all the constellations for you.’

‘I know you make them up, David,’ Jo said as he pulled her to her feet.

‘I think you’re scared I’ll challenge you to a race again and you’ll lose … again.’

Jo wouldn’t look at him as she waited for the train door to open. Choosing her moment carefully, she grabbed his arm to steady herself and quickly pulled off her shoes. ‘You’re on,’ she said and made a run for it through the half-open door before he knew what was happening.

The memory of David giving her a piggyback halfway home was one that would have had them in fits of laughter but Jo wasn’t even smiling now. She kept her head down as she put one perfectly booted foot in front of the other. But if David had walked along the same cracked pavement on Wednesday evening then his trail was as invisible as the man himself.

Walking downhill from the station, Jo’s steady pace belied her racing pulse. So far she had left it to others to retrace David’s steps and she hadn’t intended on making the trek herself, not today. It had only been when she had stood in front of Steph, defending her husband, that she felt compelled to follow him home, but when she reached a narrow path that led away from the main road, she came to a juddering halt and questioned her sanity.