The Missing Husband

She leaned back against the man she knew so well and felt their bodies meld into one. He was going to love the idea of becoming a dad once he had got over the shock, she was sure of it. Putting aside her troubles for another day at least, she let a soft laugh tickle her throat as she picked up a single fork and turned it on its side.

‘Nah, not good enough.’ David leaned over and when the thunderous clank of metal subsided, the drawer was in more of a mess than ever.

‘I’m going to make you pay for that,’ Jo warned but David was already wrapping his arms around her and pulling her away.

The sound of their laughter faded and Jo’s eyes began to sting as she stared unblinking at the cutlery drawer where the tight formations had been reformed. ‘What was the worst that could happen?’ she asked herself, but without David holding her, she shrank in terror from the answer.

Quickly closing the drawer, Jo pulled up her sleeves and set to work scouring the grey granite surface of the kitchen counter until it sparkled. Next she mopped the floor, not limiting herself to the porcelain tiles in the kitchen but moving on to the timbered floor in the dining room, even moving cupboards to reach hidden nooks and crannies. And she didn’t stop there. She swept the mop in wide, purposeful strokes out into the hallway and then continued through to the living room.

The smell of industrial strength bleach had completely obliterated the more homely smells of cooking. It had started to burn the back of Jo’s nostrils but she couldn’t, wouldn’t stop. She returned the mop to the store cupboard under the stairs and picked up a duster and a can of polish. In no time at all, the black marble fire surround in the living room was so shiny it reflected an image of the clock she was refusing to look at. She was in the process of polishing the coffee table when there was a knock at the door.

Not daring to consider who might be calling at half past one in the morning, Jo’s heart thudded against her chest as she rushed out of the living room. The hallway lights reflected brightly against the glass panes in the front door but she could still make out a vague silhouette. Unconsciously, Jo checked for the outline of a helmet or the reflection of a hi-viz jacket. Relieved that it wasn’t a policeman calling, she flung open the door expecting to see David standing there, looking sheepish and apologetic. The realization that it wasn’t David hit her with the full force of a body blow. Her knees buckled and she dropped to the floor.

‘I can’t bear this any more, Steph. Why is he doing this to me?’ she sobbed.

The tears that came wracked her entire body; Jo had never known pain like it in her life. She had thought she had experienced heartache and grief before but everything else paled into insignificance. The loss of grandparents, the demise of a beloved pet or the kind of teenage angst she thought she would never survive couldn’t compare. Even the sudden death of David’s dad after a massive stroke two years ago hadn’t felt like this. But why was she even thinking of it as grief? What was she grieving for?

When Jo felt able to lift her head and face the world again, she was hunched up in the armchair in the living room, still clutching the yellow duster she had been holding when she answered the door. It was sopping wet with tears and there was the taste of beeswax in her mouth. Steph was perched next to her, rubbing her back. Jo sniffed and tried to give a watery smile, taking in Steph’s anxious face.

‘Sorry about that.’

Steph smiled back and, as she did, the tears in her eyes reflected Jo’s own. ‘It is allowed, Jo. It might not be like you, but normal people do this all the time.’

Jo prided herself in being the staunch one; hard as nails Steph might say and often did. But it didn’t mean she didn’t care or feel things just as deeply as anyone else. And what she needed to feel right now was her baby move. She placed a hand on her stomach, worried that her histrionics might have harmed him or her.

Steph noticed her concern. ‘Is everything all right?’

Jo’s hand paused as she felt a soft but unmistakeable kick. ‘Yes, we’re fine.’

Not giving her sister time to enjoy even a moment’s relief, Steph asked, ‘Did you phone the police?’

‘No,’ Jo said quickly as she rubbed her eyes, which were dry and flaky. Her tears had stopped flowing long before she had finished crying. She stared hard at Steph as she built up the courage to speak again. ‘His passport’s missing.’

Steph’s laugh was more a result of shock than amusement. ‘You think he’s gone on the run and left the country?’

‘We would have been on holiday in America now if … If I hadn’t been pregnant.’

‘That’s still a pretty big conclusion to jump to. He’s only been missing a few hours, Jo. Maybe he’s gone to his mum’s or maybe he’s with Steve?’

If it turned out that David had left her then Jo didn’t think for a minute that he would turn up on his brother’s doorstep. Steve’s six-year marriage to Sally was hanging by a thread and if anyone were about to leave their wife then Jo would have laid bets on it being Steve. No, Jo thought, if David had gone anywhere, it would be to his mum. But if she phoned Irene and David wasn’t there then she would be drawing her mother-in-law into the mix and Jo wasn’t ready for that yet. Irene had once been a formidable matriarch but the death of her husband had affected her deeply and Jo dreaded to think how she would handle this latest development. Steph was right; it had only been a few hours. ‘I’ll speak to them tomorrow if I need to.’

‘So phone the police then.’

Jo shook her head. ‘Not yet.’ She had to swallow hard before she could get the next words out. ‘But could you check the hospitals for me?’ she asked.

Unable to listen as Steph made the call, Jo escaped to the kitchen. If David hadn’t willingly left her, if he had become embroiled in some major incident, then it would have to be something serious enough to prevent him from phoning her during the six hours that had elapsed since her marriage and her life had been suspended. If he hadn’t physically been able to get a message to her, then surely by now someone would have been able to identify him and … Jo’s brain disengaged as the images she had unwittingly created in her mind became too much to bear. She began mopping the floor for the second time that evening.

‘No news,’ Steph said without ceremony when she arrived in the kitchen.

Jo halted the mop mid-stroke. She tried to let out a sigh of relief but it felt empty. She was completely drained and couldn’t muster the spark of hope she had hoped the news would bring.

When it was clear that Jo wasn’t going to move or respond, Steph continued, ‘And I hate to say it but you might not find out anything else tonight. Maybe we should get you to bed.’

‘I couldn’t …’ began Jo but she didn’t resist when Steph pulled the mop from her grasp and guided her up the stairs. The tiredness that had blighted her pregnancy was a blessing in disguise and for once she didn’t fight her exhaustion but let it swallow her up whole.

5

If there was a moment when Jo woke up and thought it was David lying next to her in bed then she must have missed it. Her sister hadn’t left her side all night and the reward for her efforts was an elbow in the ribs as Jo scrambled around to find her mobile, which had slipped from her grasp while she slept.

Her eyes were still bleary but she could see enough to know there were no missed calls or messages. The slithering fear that had begun to wrap itself around her the night before tightened its grip around her chest, but it was the violent lurch of her stomach that sent Jo flying out of bed and into the bathroom where she dry retched into the toilet bowl. She kept one hand over her abdomen in a vain attempt to settle the baby who objected to being jostled about, its kicks making her stomach flip all the more.

Her body shook violently and she swallowed back the bitter taste of bile before turning to her sister who had followed her into the en suite. ‘What time is it?’

Steph held out a glass of water. ‘Almost seven.’

A second later, the radio in the bedroom burst into life. Jo often woke up just before the alarm and despite the traumas of the night before her body clock was ticking along as if nothing had happened. She clung on to this fragment of normality as she stood up and took a sip of water.

‘I’d better get ready for work.’

‘You are not going in, Jo.’

Jo chose to interpret the command as a question. ‘Of course I’m going in. What use am I waiting around here?’

‘But …’

‘David is due in work too. I’d rather be there in the same building waiting for him to arrive than phoning his office every two minutes and annoying everyone.’ Jo sensed another ‘but’ coming and quickly added, ‘And you have to go to work too. I’ll be fine, Steph. I have to be.’

‘And what if David doesn’t turn up?’

‘Then I’ll phone his mum to see if he’s there. And if he isn’t,’ she continued, predicting Steph’s next question, ‘then I promise I’ll phone the police.’

‘Let’s hope it won’t come to that.’

Jo bit down hard and let the pain in her lower lip focus her mind on something other than the possibility that she might have to face another night like the last one. ‘It won’t,’ she said. ‘Now, can I have some privacy? I need to get ready.’

It was only when Jo had closed the door that she dared to look in the bathroom mirror. She recalled her haunted reflection the morning before when she had stood in the hallway draped in shadows. The shadows were there again but this time no amount of downlighting could dispel them. She hoped she was doing the right thing. She prayed David would turn up at work and put her out of her misery but more than anything, she hoped and prayed that he wasn’t lying in a ditch waiting for her to come to his rescue …

‘You look absolutely awful,’ Kelly said.

At times like this, when Kelly failed to apply any kind of internal filter before speaking, Jo would often suggest a more diplomatic turn of phrase or, if she was in a less forgiving mood, provide a sharp retort. But today Kelly’s remark barely raised a ripple in Jo’s consciousness. ‘Can you cancel all of today’s appointments for me? I’m going to spend the day in the office catching up on paperwork.’

‘OK,’ Kelly said but didn’t move. She was waiting for further explanation.

‘My first meeting was for nine so you’ll need to get a move on,’ Jo persisted. She was holding Kelly’s gaze but she sensed her assistant was concentrating more on her bloodshot eyes than the warning glare she was giving her. ‘Kelly?’

Finally on her own again, Jo turned her attention to her computer screen and the time-management system that was busily registering the arrival of staff in Nelson’s Liverpool office as they swiped in. David Taylor’s time log showed that he had left work on Tuesday night at 17.38 but she already knew this because she had left with him. She closed her eyes as she recalled David next to her in the car as they pulled up outside the house. She could feel his breath on her neck as he leaned in to nuzzle her. She could recall the sensation of his lips brushing against her neck then gently pinching soft skin between his teeth.

‘What are you after?’ she whispered as if he was right there next to her.

Squeezing her eyes tight, she willed the tears not to fall again. If only she could go back in time she would agree to give him a lift; in fact, she would say yes to anything David wanted if only he was there next to her. But when she opened her eyes and checked the information on the screen, her husband remained frustratingly out of reach. Tuesday evening was the last recorded event. Wednesday was blank because he had gone straight to Leeds and then there was Thursday. So far it too was blank. Jo refreshed the screen, hoping that a series of digits would magically appear. The screen didn’t even flicker.

To compound her misery, Jo forced herself to open up her calendar. She stared at an entry at the beginning of that week. It marked the start of what was meant to be an amazing two-week adventure across America. David had sent the invitation months earlier and had even attached an itinerary: if things had turned out differently, they would be in San Francisco now. She hadn’t accepted the invitation but neither had she declined it. She hadn’t wanted to crush one of David’s dreams, not when her own had just been conceived, so the appointment was left pending.

Closing the calendar, Jo checked the time log again, her hope rising only to drop to earth again with a thump. The log hadn’t changed. Unable to concentrate on anything else she stood up and gazed out of the window. The previous day’s storm had returned with a vengeance and battle-grey clouds thick with rain smeared the horizon. Completely immobilized, Jo lost all sense of time and drifted back to her last evening with David, desperate to recall every detail. She tried to remember the very last thing she had said to him.

After the initial war of words in the car she had said less and less, each syllable too much of an effort. After months of being patient and understanding, she had had enough and it was time for David to accept once and for all that they were having a baby. He had been excited about the idea of fatherhood once and she had caught glimpses of that excitement in recent weeks, but the irrational fears that had made him want to postpone their original plans were still there and she was at a loss as to how to break through them.

She could see herself standing in the living room. ‘I’m tired so I’m going to bed. That’s what happens when you’re pregnant.’

By all appearances, her husband was engrossed in a TV programme and didn’t respond.

‘You can’t make me feel guilty for ever, David,’ she said as her parting shot.

Her remark hit its target and he turned to face her. ‘I don’t want you to.’

‘Then what do you want?’

The pained look on his face softened and there was a twinkle of mischief in his eyes. ‘You’ll see.’

His smile had done nothing to improve Jo’s mood and she had stomped upstairs to bed without a second glance, unwilling to engage in a game of cat and mouse. But that was exactly what it felt like now and David’s last words cut into her heart like jagged claws.

You’ll see.

What did that mean? Was he trying to prove something and if so, why be so cruel?

When the phone rang, jolting her back to the present, the rush of adrenalin made Jo’s heart thump painfully against her chest.

‘Hello?’ Her voice shook and by the way the phone rattled against her wedding ring, so did her hand.

‘Hi Jo, it’s Jason.’

‘Hi,’ she replied, already trying to think of an answer before David’s colleague had even asked the question.

‘Erm, David was meant to be in a meeting that started ten minutes ago and we were wondering where he is.’

‘Me too.’

There was a pause: Jason was clearly thrown by the remark but then said, ‘Jo, is everything OK?’

She took a deep breath that was meant to compose her but her words still trembled. ‘I don’t know where he is, Jason. He didn’t come home last night from Leeds. Well, he didn’t come home to me. You wouldn’t know … Is there anything he said …?’

Jason and David had worked in the same office for several years and spent most of their working lives together, so if David had been planning something, he might have confided in his colleague.

‘Jesus, Jo, I’m sorry but no, I never saw this coming. You think he’s left you?’

So far the only person Jo had told was her sister, but if David had left then she would have to face that particular shame at some point. Not just yet though, and not with someone she barely knew. ‘I don’t know. What other explanation is there?’

Before Jason had a chance to come up with his own theories, Jo quickly continued, ‘Look, Jason, I don’t know what’s happened yet, but it looks like he’s not coming into work either. I’ll put in a request for emergency leave on his behalf and hope that he gets in touch soon. In the meantime, if you hear anything – the minute you hear anything – promise me you’ll let me know.’

‘Of course, Jo. Of course I will.’

Unwittingly, Jason had forced Jo to accept that David wasn’t going to show up any time soon, and the sense of despair was crushing – but a sudden spark of anger kept Jo’s mind focused enough to write the email to cover her errant husband’s absence. If David was doing this deliberately, then he was going to feel her wrath. As soon as she pressed send, Jo picked up the phone again. She had no idea what she was going to say beyond the opening line.

‘Hi, Irene. It’s Jo.’

Her mother-in-law wasn’t used to receiving calls from her daughter-in-law without good reason, especially not at ten o’clock in the morning on a weekday, so she was immediately on the alert. ‘Hi, Jo. Is everything all right?’ she asked.

Irene was in her late fifties and had devoted much of her life to being a wife and mother. The sense of purpose that came with the role had diminished once her boys had left home and then disappeared completely when her husband had died. Her grief had eased over the last two years but it was the change in circumstance that continued to affect her deeply. She was searching for a new role in her family’s life but had lost confidence and needed constant reassurance from her sons, which frustrated Jo because she knew her mother-in-law was far more capable than she gave herself credit for.

When Jo didn’t answer her quickly enough, Irene added, ‘Is the baby OK?’

‘Fine,’ Jo said, momentarily taken aback. She had become attuned to her baby’s movements and normally kept track of them throughout the day but since leaving the house the only time she had thought about little FB had been to consider the role it played in her husband’s disappearance. These were not pleasant thoughts. ‘I was looking for David.’

Irene took a moment to respond as if she didn’t quite understand the question. ‘But why would he be here?’

Jo was finding it hard to breathe. The last shred of hope had been viciously snuffed out by Irene’s gentle words. She gulped for air. ‘He didn’t come home last night. I don’t know where he is.’

‘Have you phoned the police?’ Irene’s soft voice had developed a distinct wobble.

‘No,’ Jo said as if she was pleading with Irene not to open a door that would allow a pack of wolves to rush in and tear her life apart.

‘Are you at home? I’ll come over.’

‘No, I’m at work.’

Irene spluttered her reply as if she couldn’t quite comprehend what she was hearing. ‘He could be lying in a ditch somewhere and you’ve gone to work?’

Jo put a hand over her face, rubbing her forehead then massaging her temples as she tried to push that particular scenario from her thoughts. It was an impossible task. ‘I didn’t know what to do, what to think. I was hoping that, wherever he’d stayed last night, he would turn up here today.’

‘Oh my God, I feel sick. He wouldn’t disappear without telling you, without telling me. What’s happened to him, Jo? Where’s my son?’

Jo pursed her lips as she considered telling Irene about the missing passport but Irene would snatch at the ray of hope in a way that Jo couldn’t; he wasn’t abandoning his mother, only his wife. Before she could say anything, Irene made the decision Jo had been putting off. ‘The police have to be told. I’ll do it.’

‘No, I will,’ Jo said quickly. She had already looked up the number for the local police station and knew it by heart now. Her fingers played with the buttons on the telephone base as she imagined making the call that terrified her most.

Glancing up, Jo caught Kelly watching her from the open-plan office. She had twisted her seat around so that she could keep Jo in her sights. They made eye contact and Kelly quickly looked away. A second later, Gary appeared in front of her office and was reaching for the door handle.

‘I’ll do it from home, Irene.’

‘When, Jo? You can’t leave it until tonight.’

‘No, I’ll go home now,’ she said as Gary stepped through the door.

He waited for Jo to finish her call and then said, ‘What’s going on Jo? I’ve had a call asking me what to do about a certain member of staff going AWOL.’

For a moment, Jo didn’t know what to say, then blurted out, ‘David didn’t come home last night.’ She paused, and looked searchingly at his face, as though her mentor and friend could provide answers, but he looked dumbstruck. ‘Is it all right if I go home?’

Gary’s eyes narrowed as he considered his reply. She knew how his mind worked. He wouldn’t be wondering whether or not to agree to her request but deciding whether to say yes and take a step back until Jo was ready to talk, or probe a little further. ‘Take the rest of the week off if needs be,’ he said at last. ‘I’ll work with Kelly to reorganize your diary but phone me if you need anything or if you think you’ll need more time off next week.’

‘Thanks, Gary,’ Jo said, trying not think of the possible reasons why she would need more leave the following week.

She held her composure, but only until Gary had left the office. She started swallowing back air in desperate gulps as she scrambled for her mobile and dialled. Tears stung her eyes as she waited impatiently for the recorded voice to stop prattling on so she could leave a message. ‘I don’t know where you are but you’re scaring me, David,’ she said. Her fingers dug into the hard, uncompromising plastic of the phone that refused to let her make contact with her husband. She released a sob of frustration. ‘I love you and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything and I’ll do whatever it takes to put things right.’ She looked down at her bump. ‘Anything. Just come home. Oh God, please come home, David. I love you so much and this is killing me!’

She hung up and held her breath, refusing to let the tears fall, but when she tried to stand, she was hit by a wave of dizziness that turned her legs to jelly and then they buckled. Collapsing back on to her chair, Jo bent over and tried to put her head between her legs or as near as her pregnancy would allow. She thought she heard the door opening again but the sound was all but drowned out by the whooshing of the rising blood pressure inside her head. After a few minutes she sat up to find Kelly standing there.

‘I’m here to make sure you go home. Gary’s orders,’ she said.

‘I’m going,’ Jo agreed and was thankful that her training was finally paying off. Kelly didn’t ask any more questions.

6

There was no warm glow to greet Jo this time when she turned into Beaumont Avenue. The incessant rain had beaten the golden carpet of autumn leaves into a sodden brown mulch, but on a positive note, the bad weather had forced Jo to concentrate on the road, giving her brain a temporary reprieve from thoughts which would otherwise paralyze her with fear. But she couldn’t escape them for ever and as she pulled into the drive she knew she was about to face her fears head on. A familiar car was parked outside the house and through its steamed up windows she had spotted Irene and David’s brother Steve.

‘Any news?’ Irene asked, already at the side of the car as Jo opened the door.

Jo shook her head. ‘Let’s get in out of the rain.’

The house felt empty and abandoned despite the stampede of footsteps and flutter of coats that dripped puddles on the hallway floor. It was almost eleven but the daylight refused to step over the doorway and lights were flicked on as they trudged into the kitchen where Jo switched on the heating and then the kettle.

So far no one had broken the silence. Her in-laws had only just entered this nightmare but already had that same haunted expression Jo had seen reflected in her bathroom mirror. She wondered if they too had convinced themselves that their worst fears wouldn’t be realized unless they were spoken aloud.