The Vampire’s Assistant

THE VAMPIRE’S ASSISTANT

THE SAGA OF DARREN SHAN

BOOK 2

THE VAMPIRE’S ASSISTANT

THE SAGA OF DARREN SHAN

BOOK 2

Madam Octa’s on the Web… and so is Darren Shan!

For all things freaky, check out the official

Darren Shan website at www.darrenshan.com

For:

Granny and Grandad – tough old fogeys

OBEs (Order of the Bloody Entrails) to:

Caroline ‘tracker’ Paul

Paul ‘the pillager’ Litherland

Heads off to:

Biddy ‘Jekyll’ and Liam ‘Hyde’

Gillie ‘grave robber’ Russell

The hideously creepy HarperCollins gang

and

Emma and Chris (from ‘Ghouls Are Us’)

Contents

Introduction

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Four

Chapter Twenty-Five

Chapter Twenty-Six

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Chapter Thirty

Chapter Thirty-One

Chapter Thirty-Two

Chapter Thirty-Three

Chapter Thirty-Four

Other Books in the Series The Saga of Darren Shan

Copyright

About the Publisher

INTRODUCTION

MY NAME’S Darren Shan. I’m a half-vampire.

I wasn’t born that way. I used to be ordinary. I lived at home with my parents and younger sister, Annie. I enjoyed school and had lots of friends.

I liked reading horror stories and watching scary movies. When a freak show came to town, my best mate, Steve Leopard, got tickets and we went. It was great, really spooky and weird. A super night out.

But the weirdest part came after the show. Steve recognized one of the characters from the show … he’d seen a drawing of him in an old book and knew he was — a vampire. He stuck around after the show and asked the vampire to turn him into one, too! Mr Crepsley – the vampire – would have, but he found out Steve’s blood was evil, and that was the end of that.

Or it would have been the end, except I stuck around, too, to see what Steve was up to.

I wanted nothing to do with vampires, but I’d always loved spiders – I used to keep them as pets – and Mr Crepsley had a poisonous performing spider, Madam Octa, which could do all sorts of great tricks. I stole her and left a note for the vampire, saying I’d tell people about him if he came after me.

To cut a long story short, Madam Octa bit Steve and he ended up in hospital. He would have died, so I went to Mr Crepsley and asked him to save Steve. He agreed, but in return I had to become a half-vampire and travel with him as his assistant!

I ran away after he’d turned me into a half-vampire (by pumping part of his own horrible blood into me) and saved Steve, but then I realized I was hungry for blood, and was afraid I’d do something terrible (like bite my sister) if I stayed at home.

So Mr Crepsley helped me fake my death. I was buried alive and then, in the dead of night, with no one around, he dug me up and we set off together. My days as a human were over. My nights as a vampire’s assistant had begun.

CHAPTER ONE

IT WAS a dry, warm night, and Stanley Collins had decided to walk home after the Scouts’ meeting. It wasn’t a long walk – less than two kilometres – and though the night was dark, he knew every step of the way as surely as he knew how to tie a reef knot.

Stanley was a Scout Master. He loved the Scouts. He’d been one when he was a boy, and kept in contact when he grew up. He’d turned his three sons into first-rate Scouts and, now that they’d grown up and left home, he was helping the local kids.

Stanley walked quickly to keep warm. He was only wearing shorts and a T-shirt, and even though it was a nice night, his arms and legs were soon covered in goosebumps. He didn’t mind. His wife would have a lovely cup of hot chocolate and currant buns waiting for him when he got home. He’d enjoy them all the more after a good, brisk walk.

Trees grew along both sides of the road home, making it very dark and dangerous for anyone who wasn’t used to it. But Stanley had no fears. On the contrary, he loved the night. He enjoyed listening to the sound of his feet crunching through the long grass and briars.

Crunch. Crunch. Crunch.

He smiled. When his sons were young, he’d pretend there were monsters lying in wait up in the trees as they walked home. He’d make scary noises and shake the leaves of low-hanging branches when the boys weren’t looking. Sometimes they’d burst into screams and run for home at top speed, and Stanley would follow after them, laughing.

Crunch. Crunch. Crunch.

If he was having trouble getting to sleep at night, he would imagine the sounds of his feet as they made their way home, and that always helped him drift off into a happy dream.

It was the nicest sound in the world, as far as Stanley was concerned, better than all the music of Mozart and Beethoven.

Crunch. Crunch. Crunch.

Snap.

Stanley stopped and frowned. That had sounded like a stick breaking, but how could it have been? He would have felt it if he’d stepped on a twig. And there were no cows or sheep in the nearby fields.

He stood still for about half a minute, listening curiously. When there were no more sounds, he shook his head and smiled. It had been his imagination playing tricks. He’d tell the wife about it when he got home and they’d have a good laugh.

He started walking again.

Crunch. Crunch. Crunch.

There. Back to the familiar sounds. There was nobody else about. He would have heard more than a single branch snapping if there was. Nobody could creep up on Stanley J. Collins. He was a trained Scout Master. His ears were as sharp as a fox’s.

Crunch. Crunch. Crunch. Crunch. Cru—

Snap.

He stopped again, the fingers of fear tightening around his beating heart.

That hadn’t been his imagination. He’d heard it, clear as a bell. A twig snapping, somewhere overhead. And before it snapped: had there been the slightest rustling sound, as if something was moving?

Stanley gazed up at the trees but it was too dark to see. There could have been a monster the size of a car up there and he wouldn’t have been able to spot it. Ten monsters. A hundred! A thou—

Oh, that was silly. There were no monsters in the trees. Monsters didn’t exist. Monsters weren’t real. It was a squirrel or an owl, something ordinary like that.

Stanley raised a foot and began to bring it down.

Snap.

His foot hung in the air and his heart pounded quickly. That was no squirrel! The sound was too sharp. Something big was up there. Something that shouldn’t be up there. Something that had never been there before. Something that—

Snap!

The sound was closer this time, lower down, and all of a sudden Stanley could stand it no longer. He ran.

Stanley was a large man, but fairly fit for his age. Still, it had been a long time since he’d run this fast, and after a hundred metres he was out of breath and had a stitch in his side.

He slowed to a halt and bent over, gasping for air.

Crunch.

His head shot up.

Crunch. Crunch. Crunch.

There were footsteps coming towards him! Slow, heavy footsteps. He listened, terrified, as they came closer and closer. Had the monster leapt ahead of him through the trees? Had it climbed down? Was it coming to finish him off? Was …

Crunch. Crunch.

The footsteps stopped and Stanley was able to make out a figure. It was smaller than he’d expected, no bigger than a boy. He straightened up, gathered his courage about him like a cloak, and stepped forward for a better look.

It was a boy! A small, frightened-looking boy, dressed in a dirty suit.

Stanley smiled and shook his head. What a fool he’d been! The wife would have a field day when he told her about this.

“Are you OK, lad?” Stanley asked.

The boy didn’t answer.

Stanley didn’t recognize the youngster, but a lot of new families had moved into the area recently. He no longer knew every child in the neighbourhood.

“Can I help you?” he asked. “Are you lost?”

The boy shook his head slowly. There was something strange about him, something that made Stanley feel uneasy. It might have been the effect of the darkness and shadows, but the boy looked very pale, very thin, very … hungry.

“Are you all right?” Stanley asked, stepping closer. “Can I—”

SNAP!

The sound came from directly overhead, loud and menacing.

The boy leapt back quickly, out of the way.

Stanley just had time to glance up and spot a huge red shape which might have been a bat, slashing its way down through the branches of the trees.

And then the red monster was on him. Stanley opened his mouth to scream, but before he could, the monster’s hands – claws? – clamped over his mouth. There was a brief struggle, then Stanley was sliding to the floor, unconscious, unseeing, unknowing.

Above him, the two creatures of the night moved in for the feed.

CHAPTER TWO

“IMAGINE A man his age wearing a Scout’s uniform,” Mr Crepsley snorted as he turned our victim over.

“Were you ever in the Scouts?” I asked.

“They did not have them in my day,” he replied.

He patted the man’s meaty legs and grunted. “Plenty of blood in this one,” he said.

I watched as Mr Crepsley searched the leg for a vein, then cut it open – a small slice – using one of his fingernails. As soon as blood oozed out, he clamped his mouth around the cut and sucked. He didn’t believe in wasting any of the “precious red mercury”, as he sometimes called it.

I stood uncertainly by his side as he drank. This was the third time I’d taken part in an attack, but I still wasn’t used to the sight of the vampire sucking blood from a helpless human being.

It had been almost two months since my “death”, but I was having a tough time adjusting to the change. It was hard to believe my old way of life was finished, that I was a half-vampire and could never go back. I knew I had to eventually leave my human side behind. But it was easier said than done.

Mr Crepsley lifted his head and licked his lips.

“A good vintage,” he joked, shuffling back from the body. “Your turn,” he said.

I took a step forward, then stopped and shook my head.

“I can’t,” I said.

“Do not be stupid,” he growled. “You have shied away twice already. It is time you drank.”

“I can’t!” I cried.

“You have drunk animal blood,” he said.

“That’s different. This is a human.”

“So what?” Mr Crepsley snapped. “We are not. You have to start treating humans the same as animals, Darren. Vampires cannot live on animal blood alone. If you do not start drinking human blood, you will grow weak. If you continue to avoid it, you will die.”

“I know,” I said miserably. “You’ve explained it to me. And I know we don’t hurt those we drink from, not unless we drink too much. But …” I shrugged unhappily.

He sighed. “Very well. It is hard, especially when you are only a half-vampire and the hunger is not so great. I will let you abstain this time. But you must feed soon. For your own sake.”

He returned to the cut and cleaned away the blood – which had been leaking out while we were talking – from around the man’s leg. Then he worked up a mouthful of spit and slowly let it dribble over the cut. He rubbed it in with a finger, then sat back and watched.

The wound closed and healed. Within a minute there was nothing left apart from a small scar that the man probably wouldn’t notice when he awoke.

That’s how vampires protect themselves. Unlike in the movies, they don’t kill people when they drink, not unless they are starving, or get carried away and go too far. They drink in small doses, a bit here, a bit there. Sometimes they attack people out in the open, as we had just done. Other times, they creep into bedrooms late at night, or into hospital wards, or police cells.

The people they drink from hardly ever know they’ve been fed on by a vampire. When this man woke, he would remember only a falling red shape. He wouldn’t be able to explain why he’d passed out or what had happened to him while he was unconscious. If he found the scar, he’d be more likely to think it was the mark of aliens than a vampire.

Hah. Aliens! Not many people know that vampires started the UFO stories. It was the perfect cover. People all over the world were waking up to find strange scars on their body, and were blaming it on imaginary aliens.

Mr Crepsley had knocked the Scout Master out with his breath. Vampires can breathe out a special kind of gas, which makes people faint. When Mr Crepsley wanted to send someone to sleep, he breathed into a cupped fist, then held his hand over the person’s nose and mouth. Seconds later, they were out for the count, and wouldn’t wake for at least twenty or thirty minutes.

Mr Crepsley examined the scar and made sure it had healed correctly. He took good care of his victims. He seemed to be a nice man, from what I’d seen of him – apart from the fact that he was a vampire!

“Come,” he said, standing. “The night is young. We will go find a rabbit or a fox for you.”

“You don’t mind me not drinking from him?” I asked.

Mr Crepsley shook his head. “You will drink eventually,” he said. “When you are hungry enough.”

“No,” I said silently behind him, as he turned to walk away. “I won’t. Not from a human. I’ll never drink from a human. Never!”

CHAPTER THREE

I AWOKE early in the afternoon, as usual. I’d gone to bed shortly before dawn, the same time as Mr Crepsley. But while he had to stay asleep until night fell again, I was free to rise and move about in the daylight world. It was one of the advantages of being only a half-vampire.

I fixed a late breakfast of marmalade on toast – even vampires have to eat normal food; blood alone won’t keep us going – and settled down in front of the hotel television. Mr Crepsley didn’t like hotels. He usually slept out in the open, in an old barn or a ruined building or a large crypt, but I was having none of that. I told him straight-up after a week of sleeping rough that I’d had enough of it. He grumbled a bit, but gave way in the end.

The last two months had passed very quickly, because I’d been so busy learning about being a vampire’s assistant. Mr Crepsley wasn’t a good teacher, and didn’t like repeating himself, so I had to pay attention and learn fast.

I was very strong now. I could lift enormous weights and crush marbles to pieces with my fingers. If I shook hands with a human I had to take care not to break the bones in their fingers. I could do chin-ups all night long, and could throw a metal ball further than any grown-up. (I measured my throw one day, then checked in a book and discovered I’d set a new world record! I was excited at first, but then realized I couldn’t tell anybody about it. Still, it was nice to know I was a world champion.)

My fingernails were really thick, and the only way I could shorten them was with my teeth: clippers and scissors were no good on my new, tough nails. They were a nuisance: I kept ripping my clothes when I was putting them on or taking them off, and digging holes in my pockets when I stuck my hands in.

We’d covered a lot of distance since that night in the cemetery. First we’d fled at top vampire speed, me on Mr Crepsley’s back, invisible to human eyes, gliding across the land like a couple of high-speed ghosts. That’s called flitting. But flitting is tiring work, so after a couple of nights we began taking trains and buses.

I don’t know where Mr Crepsley got the money for our travel and hotels and food. He had no wallet that I could see and no bank cards, but every time he had to pay for something, out came the cash.

I hadn’t grown fangs. I’d been expecting them to sprout, and had been checking my teeth in the mirror every night for three weeks before Mr Crepsley caught me.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“Looking for fangs,” I told him.

He stared at me for a few seconds, then burst out laughing. “We do not grow fangs, you ass!” he roared.

“But … how do we bite people?” I asked, confused.

“We do not,” he told me, still laughing. “We cut them with our nails and suck the blood out. We only use our teeth in emergencies.”

“So I won’t grow fangs?”

“No. Your teeth will be harder than any human’s, and you will be able to bite through skin and bone if you wish, but it is messy. Only stupid vampires use their teeth. And stupid vampires tend not to last very long. They get hunted down and killed.”

I was a bit disappointed to hear that. It was one of the things I liked most about those old vampire movies: the vampires had looked so cool when they’d bared their fangs.

But, after some thought, I decided I was better off without the fangs. The fingernails making holes in my clothes were bad enough. I would have been in real trouble if my teeth had grown and I’d started cutting chunks out of my cheeks as well!

Most of the old vampire stories were untrue. We couldn’t change shape or fly. Crosses and holy water didn’t hurt us. All garlic did was give us bad breath. Our reflections could be seen in mirrors, and we cast shadows.

Some of the myths were true though. A vampire couldn’t be photographed or filmed with a video camera. There’s something odd about vampire atoms, which means all that comes out on film is a dark blur. I could still be photographed, but you wouldn’t get a clear photo of me, no matter how good the light.

Vampires were friendly with rats and bats. We couldn’t turn into them, as some books and films claimed, but they liked us – they knew from the smell of our blood that we were different to humans – and often cuddled up to us while we were sleeping or came around looking for scraps of food.

Dogs and cats, for some reason, hated us.

Sunlight would kill a vampire, but not quickly. A vampire could walk about during the day, if he wrapped up in lots of clothes. He’d tan quickly, and start to go red within a quarter of an hour. Four or five hours of sunlight would kill him.

A stake through the heart would kill us, of course, but so would a bullet or a knife or electricity. We could drown or be crushed to death or catch certain diseases. We were tougher to kill than normal people, but we weren’t indestructible.

There was more I had to learn. Loads more. Mr Crepsley said it would be years before I knew everything and was able to get along by myself. He said a half-vampire who didn’t know what he was doing would be dead within a couple of months, so I had to stick to him like glue, even if I didn’t want to.

When the toast and marmalade were finished, I sat and bit my nails for a few hours. There wasn’t anything good on TV, but I didn’t want to go outside, not without Mr Crepsley. We were in a small town, and people made me nervous. I kept expecting them to see through me, to know what I was and to come after me with stakes.

When night fell, Mr Crepsley emerged and rubbed his belly. “I am starving,” he said. “I know it is early, but let us head out now. I should have taken more of that silly Scout-man’s blood. I think I will track down another human.” He looked at me with one raised eyebrow. “Maybe you will join me this time.”

“Maybe,” I said, though I knew I wouldn’t. It was the one thing I’d sworn I would never do. I might have to drink the blood of animals to stay alive, but I would never feast on one of my own kind, no matter what Mr Crepsley said, or how much my belly rumbled. I was a half-vampire, yes, but I was also half-human, and the thought of attacking a living person filled me with horror and disgust.

CHAPTER FOUR

BLOOD …

MR Crepsley spent much of his time teaching me about blood. It’s vital to vampires. Without it we grow weak and old and die. Blood keeps us young. Vampires age at a tenth the human rate (for every ten years that pass vampires only age one), but without human blood, we age even quicker than humans, maybe twenty or thirty years in the space of a year or two. As a half-vampire, who aged at a fifth the human rate, I didn’t have to drink as much human blood as Mr Crepsley – but I would have to drink some to live.

The blood of animals – dogs, cows, sheep – keeps vampires ticking over, but there are some animals they – we – can’t drink from: cats, for instance. If a vampire drinks a cat’s blood, he might as well pour poison down his throat. We also can’t drink from monkeys, frogs, most fish and snakes.

Mr Crepsley hadn’t told me the names of all the dangerous animals. There were loads, and it would take time to learn which were safe and which weren’t. His advice was to always ask before I tried something new.

Vampires had to feed on humans once a month or so. Most feasted once a week. That way, they didn’t have to take much blood. If you only fed once a month, you had to drink a lot of blood in one go.

Mr Crepsley said it was dangerous to go too long without drinking. He said the thirst could make you drink more than you meant to, and you were likely to end up killing the person you drank from.

“A vampire who sups frequently can control himself,” he said. “One who drinks only when he must will end up sucking wildly. The hunger inside us must be fed to be controlled.”

Fresh blood was best. If you drank from a living human, the blood was full of goodness and you didn’t need to take very much. But blood began to go sour when a person died. If you drank from a dead body, you had to drink a lot more.