A Place Called Home

Ellie wasn’t surprised when the line went dead. Nothing had changed there, then. Her dad had never been good with emotion. It hadn’t mattered when she was small because her mum had always had enough for both of them. But now it was just Ellie and her dad.

Taking in her surroundings, Ellie noticed how enclosed everything seemed. Cars and lights and tall, looming buildings. Images of a wide-open sky and rugged hills filled her mind. Her day out in the country and her run-in with Andy had triggered this trip down memory lane. She hadn’t planned on it, but now she felt as if today had released some of her demons. The painful months before and immediately after her mother’s death were difficult to face, but Hope Farm also held the memories of her childhood. For the first time in over five years, she wanted to go home.

* * *

TO ELLIE’S SURPRISE, Matt wasn’t too happy when she told him, the next morning, that she was going to see her dad. They were having coffee together in Costa, and Matt’s reaction took her by surprise.

“But you can’t go,” he announced, a dull flush spreading up his neck.

Normally, they slid in and out of each other’s lives, few questions asked. Her apartment was on the top floor of a run-down Victorian house in the outskirts of the city. She spent almost all of her spare time painting there, while Matt rented a smart penthouse suite downtown. They both loved their own personal space, and despite having been engaged for several months, they had never really discussed taking the next step in their relationship. It was only now that she realized perhaps they just didn’t want to. It never occurred to her that he might object to her taking a trip.

“What do you mean, I can’t?” she retaliated. “It’s not until next weekend, and we don’t have any plans. I really believe it’s time I visited my dad. You can come with me, if you like.”

He rolled his eyes, the flush receding. “You know I hate the country.”

That put her on the defensive. “Well, I don’t, and I’ve been irresponsible for far too long.”

Matt took hold of her hand across the table, a pleading expression in his eyes. “I really need to close this deal, and I’ve arranged to meet Jack Noble again next Saturday night. A pretty face just might push him in the right direction.”

“So basically,” she responded, feeling a prickle of irritation. “You don’t want me there for me, you just want me to flirt with your client. And why can’t you meet him sooner?”

“He’s out of town until then. Why can’t you go see your dad another time?”

Ellie drained her coffee cup and set it firmly on the table. “Because I’ve already told him I’m going on the weekend.”

“It’s not as if he’s going to be bothered if you change your plans, though, is he? You haven’t seen him in ages, and the last time you tried to visit he conveniently decided to go out. Surely that tells you something.”

“Well, maybe this time I won’t take no for an answer,” Ellie said, pushing her mug away and standing up. “I’m sorry, Matt, but I really do want to go. I need to. I know this deal is important to you, but I’m not changing my plans just to be your arm candy. And besides, you’ve had a deal going down at least a couple of times a week ever since I met you. What’s so special about this one?”

“Well...” He looked disconcerted. “Nothing, really, just another piece of property I bought from a bankruptcy sale. I’ve stretched myself a bit, though, so I need a quick turnover.”

Ellie sighed, pulling on her jacket. “Then why don’t you try and find someone else to take it off your hands? I have to go. I’ll call you later.”

His deep voice followed her. “Don’t bother, I’m going out tonight.”

“Please yourself,” she responded, to the amusement of the couple at the next table.

She hadn’t expected to feel so unaffected by their disagreement. Perhaps their relationship had run its course. It was time, she realized, to stop and take stock, to catch up with the past she had spent so long trying to forget. And then she would decide where she was with Matt.

* * *

WHEN THE GARAGE called the next day to tell her that her car was ready to collect, Ellie didn’t bother Matt, and took a bus to Tarnside instead. On the way home, she stopped in at Cravendale to check on the fox cub. Paula welcomed her, exclaiming over the little creature’s recovery and promising to let Ellie know when she was about to let it go.

“It’s so rewarding,” Paula said with a radiant smile. “When they run free again...you should come and watch.”

Ellie pulled out her camera and took a few shots of the cub before she left, feeling a niggle of inspiration. Suddenly she knew what she wanted to paint next...her own interpretation of freedom.

For the next couple of days, she threw herself into her painting, embracing the focus she always had when she started a new project. It was only in the dead of night, when sleep proved elusive, that thoughts of Matt, Andy, her dad and the longing for times gone by came back to mess with her head.

* * *

AT THE END of her second day of painting, Ellie stood back to take in her work so far. Surprised to see that the light was fading she glanced at her watch. Could it really be eight already? She put down her brush and stretched out her arms, her body aching. The face of the rescued fox stared back at her, its yellow eyes filled with fear and ferocity. The rest of the painting faded out into a blur of color, drawing the observer’s eye to what really mattered; the raw emotion of the piece, and the clear but distant glimpse of the freedom the wild creature craved. Smiling to herself, Ellie stood, contemplating her afternoon’s work with a critical eye. She’d done enough, she decided. She didn’t want to overwork it and she liked its slightly unfinished look.

With another quick glance at the painting she headed for the kitchen, her mind going back to the little fox and its plight. That morning, Paula had called to tell her that tomorrow was the day. She was so looking forward to watching its release. It would be like going full circle.

She hadn’t heard from Matt, and she hadn’t gotten in touch with him, either. Was she being selfish? Should she have changed her plans as he wanted her to? She flicked the switch on the kettle and waited for the water to boil. To be fair, Matt was right that her dad had called to dissuade her from coming the last time she tried to visit him. It felt right this time, though, and she didn’t care what her dad said. Anyway, it didn’t sound as if Matt’s client was worth pursuing, so perhaps she’d done him a favor.

Picking up her phone, she dialed his number, listening to his deep tones on the voice mail. “Hi...just me,” she said,

He called her back ten minutes later and they arranged to meet for a drink at the bar where they first met, Applejacks, but conversation was stilted, like two strangers on a first date.

He talked about his latest deal and she told him she’d started a new painting, but she sensed a shift in their relationship, a holding back that wasn’t all her fault. And it couldn’t just be because of their disagreement about her trip—Matt’s client had dropped the deal. Fortunately, though, he already had someone else interested. Someone who hopefully didn’t need any input from her.

At the end of the evening, she announced that she would get a cab back to her apartment, and he didn’t protest. On the shiny, rain-washed pavement, he held her close in a hard, impersonal embrace, touching her lips briefly with his.

“Perhaps it’s good that you’re going home for a visit,” he said. “I think we both need a break.”

Ellie felt a surge of panic, her safe little world rocking on its axis. “What...you mean split up?”

He shook his head. “Yes, I guess, but not forever, or at least not necessarily, but we both need to think about where this is going...because it feels to me as if we’re going in different directions.”

“I feel that, too,” she admitted, knowing it was true.

* * *

THE NEXT MORNING dawned bright and clear. Ellie lay in her bed watching the sun rise above the tall houses across the street, experiencing a burst of longing for the wild hills of home. She recalled her brief conversation with Matt last night, but her sadness was fleeting. Was this the final blow to the safe haven she had secured for herself? It felt scary and strange, yet she knew he was right; they did seem to be pulling in different directions.

She turned her attention back to the present, pushing all thoughts of Matt out of her head. Today, she was going to watch the fox cub run free and she couldn’t wait. Had she done its expression justice in her painting, or would she have to repaint the whole thing? She should have waited to start on it until after she’d seen its release for herself, but inspiration didn’t come to order. With one last satisfied glance at her handiwork, she reached for her car keys.

* * *

ELLIE FELT A song in her heart as she reached Cravendale, spotting Paula waiting impatiently in the yard. Paula urged her eagerly toward the fox’s enclosure.

“I didn’t want to start without you,” she said excitedly as they entered the low stone building. “We’re all ready to go, but we waited to catch the cub and put it into a travelling cage because we thought you’d like to see the whole thing.”

We?

“That must be difficult to do.”

Paula smiled. “Fortunately, we’ve got expert help.”

“I thought you were the expert.” The deep, familiar voice that came from the shadows made Ellie’s pulse speed up. She stopped, her hand raised to the base of her throat.

“I didn’t know you were going to be here.” Her voice sounded strange in her ears, clipped and harsh, belying her breathlessness.

Andy laughed, stepping into view, his warm brown eyes full of merriment and holding hers with a quizzical expression. “Don’t sound too pleased.”

She blushed, glad of the semidarkness. “I am. I mean...I don’t really care either way.”

“Come on, then, Andy,” Paula pressed him. “The poor little thing is terrified.”

Andy deftly caught the fox, his hands firm but gentle as he lifted it into the small cage. Then they all loaded into Andy’s 4X4 and set off.

Ellie sat in the back, listening to Andy and Paula chatter about the animals at Cravendale. His dark blond hair, as unruly as ever, shone in the morning sunshine. One broad, tanned hand was firm on the wheel and the other rested on the back of Paula’s seat, right in front of Ellie. Resisting the temptation to reach out and place her hand over his, as she used to do so naturally, Ellie peered out the window.

“This is it,” she cried, glad to be finally doing something positive that might take her mind away from the past and how things used to be. “This is where he got hit.”

“I was there, remember?” Andy smiled, glancing back at her.

“I know this place,” Paula said. “There’s a den in the copse over there. We’ll set him free under the cover of the trees.”

* * *

THEY SET THE cage down under a bush and waited a while to let the cub absorb its surroundings. The three of them stood silently together, almost out of sight. Ellie listened to the rustling of the wind in the trees, entranced as Paula stepped forward quietly to unlatch the cage door. The little fox cowered, sniffing the air, yellow eyes fearful as he crept gingerly toward the opening. And then he made his dash for freedom and tears were flowing down Ellie’s face. When Andy’s arm crept around her shoulders, it felt so right.

“Amazing, isn’t it,” he murmured as the fox took one look back before disappearing into the undergrowth.

The spell was broken. Ellie stepped away from him, alarm bells ringing in her head. What was she thinking?

Paula glanced back at them, her lovely eyes alight with passion.

“Run free, little fox,” she cried.

Andy held out his hand to her and when she took it, Ellie felt something wither deep inside.

“Right,” Ellie said curtly. “That was really something, but unfortunately I have to get home pretty soon. Thanks so much for inviting me, though.”

Dropping Andy’s hand, Paula gave her a quick hug. “You were the one who rescued him.”

“And I was the one whose fiancé knocked him down in the first place,” Ellie said.

Paula shrugged. “As I already said, accidents happen. At least you did the right thing.”

Ellie glanced at Andy, holding his gaze for a moment.

“We all do things we regret,” he said quietly.

“Do we?” she asked. “So what are your regrets?”

He stepped forward, still holding her eyes in his. “I—” he began.

“Come on, then,” urged Paula, heading for Andy’s truck. “I thought you were in a rush, Ellie.”

“I am,” Ellie responded, turning to follow her, vaguely disappointed that she hadn’t gotten to hear Andy out. Then again, did she really want to know his regrets?

CHAPTER FOUR

ELLIE STARED CRITICALLY at her painting, comparing it to her experience of seeing the cub being set free. Had she caught the fox’s expression, fear and ferocity firmly linked?

She felt Andy’s arm around her again, connecting them in the emotional moment when the wild creature finally ran free. He’d followed her when she’d said her goodbyes, leaning in through her car window to ask for her number. “For old times’ sake,” he’d said with a smile.

“Our old times are long gone, Andy,” she’d told him, clamping down a rush of emotion as all the painful memories kicked in again. Then she’d turned the key in the ignition and the engine roared into life, defusing the situation. “See you,” she’d called, forcing a lighthearted tone and pulling away. She’d seen him in her mirror, shading his eyes to watch her drive off, then she rounded a corner and he was out of sight.

There was no doubt in her mind that what she’d told Andy was true. Their old times were long gone, and he was well in the past. So why, she asked herself, did she feel this unexpected longing for everything they used to have? Nostalgia, she supposed. Nothing more.

Ellie turned away from the painting, trying to shake her confusion. Today she was facing up to another part of her past by going to see her dad. That was was what she needed to focus on now, rekindling the father-daughter relationship that tragedy had torn apart.

Yet as she drove out of the city a few hours later, Ellie found her mind wandering back to Andy. Busy roads and concrete gave way to the gentle greens of wide-open countryside, and she couldn’t stop the flood of memories. She and Andy had been together almost all of their teenage years, an inseparable couple, loving the same things, loving each other. Of course she had regret for what they’d lost. Perhaps she should have kept in touch with him, for old times’ sake. But she couldn’t let go of what he’d done to her, and he’d probably done the same to others since. No matter how well he came across, Andy Montgomery was shallow and selfish. What was in the past should stay in the past.

Hardening her heart, she turned her thoughts to her dad and the stud. Excitement at seeing home and all the horses and animals there washed over her. No matter how unsociable and unwelcoming her dad proved to be, she wouldn’t let him get to her. It was time to build bridges, and nothing was going to stop her.

Another hour passed by, and familiar landmarks dotted the landscape—lakes sparkling in the midday sun, looming hills and clear, endless skies. When the road narrowed to a single, fenceless track and she had to stop for an amber-eyed, wild-looking Fell sheep, Ellie knew that she was home.

She drove through the quaint stone village of Little Dale, past Low Fell Veterinary Clinic and the busy market, then up the steep fell side again, dropping down to follow the road that meandered around the lake. Butterflies fluttered madly in her chest. What if her dad didn’t want to see her? What if he turned her away? Three years ago, when she’d visited at Christmas, the atmosphere had been so uncomfortable that she hadn’t stayed for very long, and she’d only been back twice since. Well, things were different now, she told herself. She was different. If her dad was unwelcoming, then she’d just ignore it. This was still her home, after all, and her dad had no other family to share it with.

Still, as Ellie turned down the lane that led to Hope Farm, she began to doubt her own confidence. The old sign had been repainted, but not replaced. Her mother had chosen that sign, and she was glad her father had seen fit to keep it. The rest of the place looked as if it had been tidied up, too, she noted with surprise as she pulled into the yard. She had expected it to be just as neglected as it had been the last time she came home.

Parking her car next to her dad’s cream horsebox, she sat for a moment, suddenly overcome by memories. Her first pony, Midge, a brown-and-white Shetland, had been kept in the stable across from her. She couldn’t even count the times he’d dumped her unceremoniously on the ground. “You’re fine, Ellie,” her mum had always told her, insisting that she get straight back on. Eventually, Midge had been retired and was replaced by a pretty gray Welsh mare called Starlight, but Ellie had always missed her old friend and visited him daily in the meadow he shared with her dad’s retired hunter, Jock. They were both long gone now, though. As a teenager, Ellie had liked to think that they were with her mum in Heaven. Did she still believe that? she asked herself. Tears welled behind her eyelids, heavy and hot. She brushed them aside. The last thing she wanted was for her dad to find her sitting in the car crying. She had come home to try and bring some joy back into both their lives...some closure. Where was he, anyway?

Ellie climbed out of the car, taking her bag from the backseat, and headed for the house. A mud-splattered truck was parked in the middle of the yard. Her dad’s, she presumed, so he must be home.

She stood outside the kitchen door. Should she knock, or just walk in? Deciding on the latter, she pushed open the door and peered inside. Her father was asleep in his favorite chair, slumped forward slightly, a magazine slowly slipping off his knee. He looked so small and old, she realized with a jolt, so vulnerable.

“Dad,” she called quietly, unsure of whether or not to disturb him.

He stirred with a slight snorting sound, opening his eyes as the magazine fell to the ground. Ellie smiled to herself as she read the title. Horse and Hound. Of course it was.

“Ellie?” he gasped, pulling himself awkwardly upright and staring at her as if he could hardly believe his eyes.

“One and the same,” she said. “It’s good to see you, Dad.”

“Better put the kettle on, then, lass,” he suggested. Whatever he might say later, she knew he was pleased to have her home.

“I thought it was time I checked up on you,” she told him as she made herself busy brewing a pot of tea. It was like going back in time a hundred years in her father’s house. Perhaps she’d buy him an electric kettle before she left. Maybe even a toaster.

“Biscuits are in the barrel,” he said as she handed him a steaming mug.

She picked it up from its prominent position on the counter and sat down at the table.

“Same one, I see.”

“Not much changes around here,” he grunted. “Except you, of course.”

Ellie shrugged. “Circumstances changed us both, Dad, but I think it’s time to finally move on.”

He dunked a biscuit in his tea, considering her remark before looking up with a half smile. “So that’s what you think, eh... Still painting those pictures of yours?”

She nodded eagerly. “I’ve been given a bit of space in an exhibition soon. It’s not much, I know, but at least it’s a start. And what about you, how’s the new stallion you told me about, and Blue?”

“Doing good.”

“Had some nice foals this year?”

His eyes, still as bright a blue as hers, lit up his weathered face.

“The best. And Jake Munro has put his top jumping mare, Carlotta, to Dennis. Their foal should really be something special. You’ll have to come and see the horses when we’ve finished our tea.”

They fell then into a surprisingly comfortable silence and Ellie felt warm inside. She’d been right. It was time to make peace with the past and move on. Her dad knew it, too; she was sure of it.

When her tea was done, Ellie jumped up. “Let’s go check out this Dennis of yours. How’s he bred, anyway?”

Bob Nelson followed more slowly, easing out of the chair and pulling on his jacket.

“Irish Thoroughbred,” he said. “With a lineage as long as your arm.”

* * *

WHEN THEY REACHED the stable, they saw Blue first. His head was over the half door, as if he’d been expecting them.

As her dad ran his hand down the elegant horse’s face, the stallion nickered, lowering his head for his master’s caress.

Ellie thought of the morning Blue was born. Her mum had been so excited.

“Wake up, Ellie,” she’d called, bursting into her bedroom. “Come and see our new sire! He’s going to be the making of Hope Farm.”

“Some sire, that.” Ellie had smiled as she and her parents watched the newborn foal wobble around in the straw on legs that seemed way too long for its body. Even then, though, in the very first hour of his life, Blue had had a proud, almost regal look to him; the look of eagles, her mother had called it. And he still had it now. Ellie reached up to stroke the big horse’s silken coat, as well. He had been iron gray when she last saw him, and the years had turned him almost white now, but he still had that same pride and class he’d always had.

“He’s done your mum proud,” murmured her dad. “Done us all proud. One of his offspring is shortlisted for the British Horse Trials team, you know, and another two have been sold to America.”

“So Dennis has a lot to live up to, I guess.”

“Not really. He’d already proven himself competing in show jumping when I bought him. Cost me an arm and a leg. That’s why Jake Munro was so keen to use him.”

“Jake Munro,” Ellie repeated. “Do I know him?”

“You must. He’s quite a bit older than you, but he was brought up around here, at Sky View. He went away to work on a show-jumping yard in the South not long after he left school. Then he came back a few years later, after his wife left him and their twins, to set up a yard at home.”

“I know who you mean,” Ellie said. “I heard about that. He was married to Tamara, the singer. Wasn’t there some kind of tragedy?”

Her dad shook his head sadly. “Terrible business. His mother and one of the children were killed in a car crash.”

A heavy weight settled on Ellie’s heart. “That must have been awful.”

“He was in a very bad place for a while, I believe.”

“Like you, then, Dad.” She needed to say it.

For the first time in years, Bob Nelson looked his daughter in the eyes without withdrawing his gaze. His face darkened, and for one horrible moment she thought she’d overstepped the mark. Well, if he told her to leave, she’d just refuse.

“I have to go and let the pup out,” he said, turning away. “He’s been locked in all morning.”

She followed slowly as he walked across to the barn and opened the door. The black whirlwind that hurled itself on them took her totally by surprise.

“How long have you had him?” she cried, crouching down to welcome the half-grown sheepdog that covered her in sloppy kisses.

“Quite a while now. He was part of the deal for Jake Munro’s mare’s stud fee.”

“What’s his name?”

“I call him Shadow. Jake’s fiancée, Cass, has his sister, Puddle.”

At the sound of his name, Shadow raced over to greet his master, tearing around him in crazy circles before waiting eagerly to be petted.

Bob rubbed the backs of the dog’s ears. Ellie hadn’t seen the same softness in his eyes for years.

“I’ve got a few sheep,” he told her, as if compelled to justify his acquisition. “I thought it might be useful to have a dog. I’m going to train him.”