A Place Called Home

They watched the terrified fox cub take its first cautious steps out into the open. It turned to stare at them, yellow eyes gleaming with fright and ferocity.

“It’s hard to tell if he’s angry or scared stiff,” whispered Ellie.

“There’s not much difference between fear and ferocity in the animal kingdom,” Andy said. “Ferocity is often born through fear. We’d better leave him alone to settle down.”

Carried away as she’d been by the fox cub’s plight, it wasn’t until they were back outside in the afternoon sunshine that Ellie took full stock of her situation. She was in the middle of nowhere with the ex-boyfriend she professed to hate, with no means of getting home.

“Well,” she said, her tone curt and distant. “I suppose I need to thank you for your help. Do I owe you anything?”

Andy raised his hands. “Of course not. It’s a wild creature, and it was my duty to help. It’s what we do here.”

Warmth flowed through Ellie’s veins. “My fiancé told me it was vermin and that I should leave it to die.”

Andy sighed. “There are farmers around here who would have said exactly the same thing.”

“Especially chicken farmers,” Ellie said, smiling.

“So did he leave you behind?”

She found herself jumping straight to Matt’s defense. “He had to get back to work.”

“But he is coming back for you, right?”

“I’ll probably just get a taxi, at least to the train station. He’ll be tied up until late.”

“I can drop you off somewhere, if you like,” Andy offered. “Where do you live now, anyway?”

Every fiber of Ellie’s being recoiled from spending time with Andy. They were over a long time ago, totally finished, and being near him brought out too many painful memories.

“The outskirts of Manchester,” she told him. “But you don’t need to drive me. If you could just give me the number for a cab...”

He looked down at her, a familiar twinkle in his soft brown eyes.

“You’re a city girl now? Well, I would never have imagined that. And with a fiancé who works in an office.”

“I went to art school in Manchester.” She bristled. “And now I’m an artist... Well, a wannabe artist, really. I have a part-time job, as well. My first exhibition is coming up soon, though. At least, I hope so.”

“You always did used to be painting or drawing something—usually animals, I remember. I’m glad you’ve made a success of it. What do you paint now?”

“Still mainly animals and the countryside, but lately I’ve been trying out a more contemporary style.”

“That settles it,” Andy said, walking toward the door. “You are still a country girl at heart. Come on, you may as well get a ride with me.” He paused. “You can’t bear grudges forever, Ell...and it was a long time ago.”

Ellie ignored his familiar shortening of her name. “I don’t bear a grudge,” she insisted. “What happened between us was only a teenage fling, anyway wasn’t it?”

Andy nodded. “I guess it was,” he said. For the briefest moment, her eyes met his and glanced away. How could he believe that? He may have met someone else and revealed himself as the liar and cheat he really was, but how could either of them be so dismissive of what they once had? Her anger came back full force. Andy Montgomery owed her big-time.

“Okay,” she agreed. “I will take you up on your offer of a ride. Sure your wife won’t be jealous, though?”

“Young, free and single, that’s me,” he told her, fumbling in his pocket for his keys.

“So she dumped you, then. After all that?” She couldn’t help the barbed retort.

He laughed lightly. “Actually, no, I dumped her. To be honest, that relationship didn’t mean much...”

The breath froze in Ellie’s throat and was replaced almost instantly by a hot rush of anger. She had almost come to terms with the fact that Andy had fallen in love with someone else, but to find out that the whole thing had meant so little to him seemed somehow worse.

Oblivious to her reaction, he shot her a broad smile. “I was married, though...for a while.”

She raised her eyebrows, smothering her turbulent emotions. What did she care? Andy Montgomery was just a piece of her past. “And I take it that didn’t work out, either?”

“I guess I’m not the marrying kind. When is your wedding, anyway? Have you set a date?”

Ellie hesitated, her heart racing. Had they set a date? Had they ever even discussed a wedding? Her mind slid back to the night Matt had proposed. They had been seeing each other for just a few weeks; he was exciting and fun and so sure of himself. “Let’s get engaged,” he had cried in front of all his friends, and Ellie had felt a new door opening in her life. A door, she suddenly realized, that hadn’t actually opened after all. Come to think of it, neither of them had discussed marriage again after that, apart from the ring. She felt for the diamond on the third finger of her left hand, rubbing it gently. Was that what it had all been about then? The engagement? Did Matt really want to take their relationship to the next level? Did she? Slotting her confusing thoughts into the back of her mind, she looked up at Andy. What right had he to make her question her intentions?

“No,” she said. “Not yet.”

He stopped beside his battered green truck, holding her gaze for an endless moment.

“Make sure he’s the right one, Ell,” he said quietly.

Anger brought a flush to Ellie’s face. “And what gives you the right to offer me advice?”

He shrugged. “Just saying.”

“Don’t bother. You already messed my life up enough without trying to interfere in it now.”

He flashed her another one of his ever-ready smiles. “So you’re still angry with me? It’s been what—five, six years? Well, I suppose any emotion is better than none.”

“Don’t kid yourself, Andy.” She yanked open the passenger door, not wanting him to see how much he’d rattled her. “I was well over you years ago. You just make me remember home, that’s all.”

Before Ellie had a chance to climb into the truck, a small blue car drove up next to them.

“Paula’s back,” Andy said. “Come on, you’ll have to say hello at least.”

Slamming the door shut again, Ellie followed reluctantly.

Paula Carr was one of the most dazzling women Ellie had ever met. She wasn’t classically beautiful, but she radiated an inner warmth.

Paula hurried toward them, and when Andy reached down to give her a peck on the cheek, she smiled, squeezing his forearm. Her fair, shoulder-length hair shone in the sun, and her eyes were glowing. She’s in love with him, Ellie realized suddenly. She pushed away the knot in her stomach. What did she care? Andy Montgomery meant nothing to her anymore, and she felt sorry for any woman who came his way. It was obvious that he never stayed with anyone for too long, not even the woman he married.

“Paula, meet Ellie,” said Andy, placing a firm hand on her shoulder. Ellie sidestepped, uncomfortable with his touch.

“She found the fox I called to tell you about, on the side of the road.”

“I’ve got to confess,” Ellie said, “I didn’t exactly find it. My fiancé’s car clipped it. I feel terrible.”

Paula smiled, all-forgiving. “These things happen. At least you bothered to call for a vet—it sounds like you saved its life. Come on, then, show me the poor little thing.”

On the way back to the enclosure, Paula and Andy fell into a conversation about some creature or another, totally on the same wavelength. Totally suited for each other, Ellie thought. Unlike her and Matt? The idea niggled uncomfortably.

The cub was curled up in a dark corner, as settled as it could be in its new environment.

“We’ll have to keep an eye on it now,” said Paula, confirming what Andy had said earlier. “And perhaps before too long it can be released. Thanks again, Ellie, for saving it.”

Ellie squirmed. “Well, it was kind of my fault...our fault...so it was the least I could do.”

Paula shook her head. “Accidents happen to everyone. There’s no use in laying blame. It’s how you deal with the aftermath that really matters.”

“Right, then,” Andy interrupted. “I’m off to give Ellie a ride somewhere. I’ll be back in the morning, Paula, and in the meantime, call if you need me.”

“You’re a godsend, Andy.” Paula smiled. “I’ll go and get some food for the new arrival.” She stood in the doorway as they walked away.

“Aren’t you going to say goodbye to her?” Ellie asked, nudging Andy’s arm.

He frowned, raising one hand in farewell without looking back. “I’m in and out of here all the time, and Paula doesn’t need all the niceties. I’ll check on your fox in the morning, so if you give me your number I can let you know how it’s doing.”

Ellie paused. This would open contact between her and Andy again...contact she’d relinquished long ago.

Andy pulled his cell phone from the pocket of his jeans.

“No...” she heard herself saying. “It’s okay. I don’t need to bother you. The number for Cravendale is there on the sign. I can phone and ask Paula how it’s doing.”

Was that disappointment she could see in his face?

“Suit yourself,” he said, his voice distant. The voice of a stranger, thought Ellie, when he had once been her whole world. How could that happen?

CHAPTER TWO

ANDY DROVE ON AUTOMATIC, hunched forward over the wheel, staring straight ahead. He’d always had that habit of slipping totally into his own thoughts while he was driving, Ellie recalled, thinking of all the other times she’d sat beside him like this. That seemed like a lifetime ago, and yet it still felt so familiar.

It was true that he reminded her of home, and as they drove along narrow country lanes the memories she had kept locked away seeped from their confines, real and raw. The landscape around her didn’t have the same rugged beauty as her native Lake District, which was over fifty miles away, but the colors, sounds and smells were the same. Suddenly, she was consumed by a longing for the place she used to call home. Hope Farm in the Lakeland hills, near the village of Little Dale. It had been weeks since she’d spoken to her dad; she would call him tonight, she decided, just to make sure he was okay—even if he only answered in monosyllables.

“So where should I drop you?” Andy asked. “Hey, there...not asleep, are you?”

Ellie jerked herself out of her reverie. “No, of course not. Sorry, I was just thinking.”

“Nice thoughts, I hope.”

“Yes...” A half smile flitted across her face. “I guess they were.”

He raised his eyebrows. “So am I in them?”

She stiffened. “Oh, please. You left my thoughts a long time ago.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Dead sure. You let me down when I needed you most, Andy, so don’t expect me to be all sweetness and light just because you reappeared in my life after six years to save the fox.”

Andy turned his attention abruptly back to the road ahead, brow furrowed and fingers gripping the wheel. They drove in silence for a while, the air between them heavy and awkward.

“You can drop me at a bus stop if you like,” Ellie said eventually.

He flashed her a wry grin.

“You might think I’m a total waste of space, but I do owe you, in a way.”

“You owe me nothing,” she said quietly, though she was secretly relieved at not being abandoned.

“Oh, yes I do,” he insisted, smiling his painfully familiar, lopsided smile.

Back when they were together, that smile would have been quickly followed by a kiss. She shuddered, imagining the feel of his lips on hers.

“I owe you for helping the fox,” he said. “And for breaking your heart, of course.”

Ellie stared out the window, seeing nothing, anger bubbling inside her as the memories seeped away. How dare he make light of the event that had colored her teenage years...and her whole adult life? At the time, it had felt as if his breaking up with her and the shock discovery that her mother hadn’t long to live were painfully intertwined, as if it was all his fault. Now she knew better, but the pain still remained.

“Don’t give yourself so much credit, Andy Montgomery,” she snapped. “How could you even think that you broke my heart? We were just two kids having fun. It would never have gone anywhere.”

“Wouldn’t it?”

“Obviously not, or we wouldn’t be here now, would we?”

He stared at the road, his expression serious for once.

“I’ve always regretted it, you know. We just met too soon, and...”

“And you got bored,” she finished for him. “Just like you got bored with your wife and probably all the other girlfriends you’ve had along the way.”

“No, I—”

“Look, Andy,” Ellie said, cutting off his attempt at an apology—or was it an excuse? “Just leave the past in the past. There have been a lot of worse things in my life than getting dumped by my teenage crush.”

He glanced across at her. “I know. And I’m sorry about your mum... I really regret not being there for you.”

The memories Ellie never allowed herself to face suddenly broke free; all the emotion of those terrible days when she watched helplessly as her mother lost her fight with death swirled around inside her, dark and suffocating.

“It was so quick,” she cried, struggling to hold back tears. “She’d had that pain in her back for ages. I told her and told her to see a doctor, and when she did... When she did, it was already too late.”

“It must have been a terrible time...for all of you.”

Andy’s voice was warm and caring, reminding her just how much she’d needed him during her mother’s decline. Reminding her of how lost she’d felt without him. Suddenly, his presence felt stifling.

“Here,” she cried. “Stop here, Andy. This is fine.”

“But...” he objected, touching the brakes.

“It’s fine,” she repeated, fumbling for her bags. She was already scrambling out of the vehicle as he pulled up to the curb.

Andy reached out to take her arm, but she wriggled from his grasp. “Thanks for the ride, and for helping the fox,” she mumbled, already walking away. “I’ll see you.”

When she heard his door slam, Ellie couldn’t help but look back. He was standing on the pavement, long fingers pushed through his thick blond hair, tall and lanky and totally out of place in the suburbs of the city, watching in bewilderment as she raced off down the street. His voice followed after her like an echo from the past.

“Ellie...Ellie...”

For a heart-stopping moment, she wanted to turn and run back, to share all her agony with him. But it was way too late for that. Andy Montgomery was out for just one person—himself. She knew that all too well.

Ellie ran for what felt like miles, as if she could run away from all the things Andy had made her remember. Her phone rang just as she saw a familiar landmark, and she stopped, breathing heavily. Was it him? No, it couldn’t be, she realized with relief. She hadn’t given him her number.

Matt’s name flashed on the screen.

Ellie took another deep breath and answered. “Yes?”

“You okay?”

“No thanks to you.”

“Do you want me to come get you?”

“I take it your deal worked out?”

Matt paused. “Kind of. Do you want me to pick you up or not?”

“No, thanks. I’m nearly home.”

“Then I’ll come by at seven-thirty and take you out to dinner.”

There was no point in trying to put him off, and Ellie was too tired to resist, anyway. “See you then.”

“Oh, and Ellie?”

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry for abandoning you.”

Flicking off her phone, she stepped back into the present, determinedly trying to shake off the events of the afternoon.

Her phone rang again, buzzing against her hip as she was finally climbing the stairs to her apartment. With a sigh, she retrieved it from her jacket pocket, wishing she had passed on Matt’s dinner offer.

“Hello?” she responded, tucking the phone in between her shoulder and her chin as she fumbled to unlock the door.

It was Matt again, his voice high-pitched and urgent. As always, he was living life in a rush. “You home yet?”

Her heart lifted. “Don’t tell me. You’ve changed your mind.”

He laughed. “No, nothing like that. I just wanted to make sure you knew what time I was picking you up.”

“Seven-thirty, right?”

“Yes, and wear something nice.”

“Don’t I always,” she retorted.

* * *

AS ELLIE BURROWED through her closet for an outfit, she realized she hadn’t called her dad, as she’d told herself she would. She was going to Hope Farm next weekend, she decided, no matter what he said. Seeing Andy again had brought the past sharply back into focus. For the first time since leaving home, she felt as if she was finally ready to face those memories and maybe even make peace with all that had happened. She didn’t dare give herself enough time to change her mind.

“Sorry, Mum,” she whispered, holding back tears. She had let down her mum’s memory. Badly. She should have stayed home and supported her dad, she understood that now, or at least kept in better touch with him...whether he wanted her to or not.

Ellie took a short black skirt and lacy top from their hangers and let her mind slip back to the difficult days after her mother’s funeral. She had been just a teenager back then; her dad was the adult. Now, though, she was an adult. She’d made her own way in the world for almost six years, ever since she said goodbye to her grieving father and drove away from Hope Farm. Maybe that was the day she’d grown up—or perhaps that had happened when she’d held her mother’s hand as her life slipped away. The hustle and bustle of a totally new life had seemed to help her through her own grief, but now she wasn’t so sure. Maybe this life she’d made for herself wasn’t really a new beginning... Maybe it was a hiding place.

Ellie stepped into the shower, and as the water ran soothingly over her aching limbs, she let out a sigh. The safe little world she had set up for herself felt as if it was crumbling around her.

CHAPTER THREE

THE RESTAURANT MATT had chosen was suave and sophisticated.

“I wish you’d told me we were coming here—I would have worn something classier,” Ellie groaned as they pulled up outside. She checked her reflection, fluffing up her short blond curls.

“You look fine,” he insisted. “And you’ll be far more likely to charm my client dressed like that.”

“You’re not seriously telling me this is a business dinner, Matt. I thought you were trying to make amends for abandoning me this afternoon.”

“I am, kind of. I’m killing two birds with one stone, so to speak.”

Her irritation suddenly faded, and was replaced with amusement. Was that why she was with Matt? she wondered. Because she didn’t need to take him too seriously? It occurred to her that their whole engagement might be a sham. If they were both honest, neither of them actually wanted to get married...or even move in together. The thought left her feeling vaguely uncomfortable, and when Andy’s warm grin flashed into her mind, she quickly stifled the emotions it conjured, turning her attention back to the present.

“Ever the opportunist, eh, Matt?” She laughed, trying to sound lighthearted.

“Have to be.” He grinned, holding out his arm.

As she curled her fingers around the expensive material of his suit jacket, she lifted her chin, silently cursing Andy Montgomery for coming back into her life; hopefully their paths wouldn’t cross again for a while...or ever. He conjured up way too many painful memories. Life with Matt was lighthearted, and she liked lighthearted right now.

* * *

DETERMINED TO ENJOY the evening, Ellie tried her best to make conversation with Matt’s middle-aged client, Jack Noble. She was a bit self-conscious about the length of her skirt, but she didn’t let on. She had been to so many of these dinners since she met Matt that sometimes she wondered if he was only with her to have a trophy on his arm, someone to flirt with his clients in order to weaken their resolve. Until recently it had just felt like a bit of fun; she’d been in control and that had made her feel good. Tonight, though, despite her outward show of joviality, she couldn’t seem to find the right mood. It all seemed so shallow. Smiling at yet another of Jack’s unfunny jokes, she was overcome with the feeling that her whole life was a sham, too. The only real, true thing in her life was her painting. She’d convinced herself that her relationship with Matt was fun and lighthearted, but suddenly it just felt false. A heavy ache began to throb in her temple.

“Look...” She put her hand to her head. “I’m really sorry, but I don’t feel so well. I think I may have to go home.”

She caught a glint of anger in Matt’s gray eyes and grimaced.

“My head is killing me.”

The client was more understanding.

“Perhaps you should take her home,” he said to Matt. “We can do this some other time.”

“No, honestly, I just need some fresh air,” Ellie objected. “You two carry on. I’ll call a cab.”

“Why don’t you try going outside for a bit, then, before you rush off,” Matt suggested, eager to salvage what he could of the meeting.

Ellie was already on her feet. “It’s just a headache, but I do think I’d better head home.” She held out her hand to Jack, who seized it with plump fingers, pumping it up and down. “Nice to meet you,” she said, smiling. “And I really am sorry about this.”

“I’ll call you later,” Matt cut in, making his opinion clear.

The fresh evening air hit her as soon as she left the restaurant and she felt the pain in her head already beginning to recede. Rejecting her plan to call a taxi, she decided to walk the mile or so back to her apartment. By the time she got home, she would probably feel absolutely fine.

Setting off, she listened to the staccato sound of her heels on the pavement. She had become used to living in the city, with its constant buzz and bright lights, but tonight it felt oppressive. She found herself hankering once again for the quiet peace of the countryside. It was all Andy Montgomery’s fault. He’d brought back memories and emotions she didn’t want to feel, but now that he had, she couldn’t ignore them. Reaching into her pocket for her cell phone, she dialed her dad’s number, not really expecting an answer. When his deep voice with its strong Northern accent filled her ears, she was suddenly struck dumb.

“Who is this?”

As usual, he sounded irritable and less than pleased to be disturbed. Remembering how he used to be when her mum was alive, Ellie found her voice.

“Dad?”

“Ellie? Is that you?”

Was she just imagining the lift in his tone?

“Yes, it’s me, your one and only daughter. How are you, Dad?”“

He was quiet for a moment. “Business is good—new stallion’s popular.”

“But how are you?”

“I get by.”

“Dad, I thought I might come see you next weekend, stay a night or two.”

His response was immediate. “You don’t need to.”

“I want to,” she said, meaning it. “So...what’s the new stallion’s name?”

His voice brightened. Her dad never had trouble talking about the horses. “We call him Dennis, stud name Grand Design. He’s giving Blue a run for his money.”

Ellie smiled, recalling how proud her parents had been of their first homebred sire, Into the Blue. His first crop of foals had been born the year before her mother was diagnosed, when everything in their world was still rosy. Grief and homesickness split her in two, and her need to see her dad and all the animals grew stronger.

“I’ll see you next weekend, Dad.”

“Suit yourself. I don’t need help, mind. I’ve got by on my own for the last six years, so what’s different now?”

Ellie hesitated, pondering the question. “Maybe I’m different, Dad...and perhaps you are, too.”

“I’ve got to go. Jake Munro’s here to see me.”