Stargazer

“Don’t try to change. You’re wonderful the way you are.”

I glanced away shyly. Part of me thought, Oh, no, now I have to let Balthazar down again. The other part couldn’t help liking that he’d said that to me. I’d been so lonely all summer—without Lucas, without anybody—and knowing that somebody right here cared about me was like being given a warm blanket after months of cold.

Before I could think of the best way to respond, a hush fell over the crowd. We all turned instinctively to the podium at the far end of the great hall. Mrs. Bethany was about to speak.

She had on a slim gray suit, more like twenty-first-century clothes than she normally wore, but it suited her severe beauty. Mrs. Bethany’s dark hair was swept up into an elegant twist, and black pearls shone in her ears. Instead of looking at the students, her dark eyes looked slightly above us, as though we were hardly visible to her.

“Welcome to Evernight.” Her voice rang throughout the great hall. Everyone stood up straighter. “Some of you have been with us before. Others will have heard about Evernight Academy for years, perhaps from your families, and wondered if you would ever join our school.”

This was the same speech she had given the year before, but I heard it differently this time. I heard the lies inside every careful phrase, the way she was speaking to the vampires in the room who had been here twenty years ago or two hundred.

As if she’d read my thoughts, she glanced at me, her hawklike gaze piercing through the crowd. I tensed, half expecting her to accuse me of breaking into her home while she’d been gone.

But she did something even more surprising. She abandoned her script.

“Evernight Academy means something different for every person who comes here,” Mrs. Bethany began. “It is a place of learning, a place of tradition, and for some a place of sanctuary.”

Only if you’re a bloodsucking creature of the night, I thought. Otherwise? Not so much with the sanctuary.

With one hand she gestured toward some of the new students, her long fingernails glinting red in the light that flowed through the stained-glass windows. To my astonishment, she was pointing out the human students—though of course they couldn’t have understood why. “In order to get the most from your time at Evernight, you need to learn what this school means to your classmates. That’s why I urge those of you with more experience to reach out to the new students among us. Take them under your wings. Find out about their lives, their interests, and their pasts. Only in this way can Evernight Academy accomplish its true goals.”

A few people clapped uncertainly—humans who didn’t know any better. “Okay, that was odd,” Balthazar muttered beneath the slight applause. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think I’d heard Mrs. Bethany ask everyone to be friendly.”

I nodded. My mind was racing. Why did Mrs. Bethany want the vampires to get closer to the human students? If she didn’t want any humans hurt—and I still thought she didn’t—then what was she really after?

“Classes begin tomorrow.” The familiar, superior smile had returned to Mrs. Bethany’s face. “Take this day to get to know your fellow students, particularly those who are new here. We are glad to have you—all of you—and we hope that you will make the most of your time at Evernight.”

“Do you think she’s gone soft on us?” Balthazar turned to me as people began to mingle again.

“Mrs. Bethany? Hardly.” For a moment I considered asking Balthazar what he thought about the whole “admissions policy” mystery. He was smart, and even though he respected Mrs. Bethany, he didn’t take her word as gospel. Besides, he’d been around for more than three centuries; he’d probably have enough perspective to see my question in a different light and perhaps come up with a fresh answer. But Balthazar might also have the perspective to understand that I was asking because of my relationship with Lucas—something he wouldn’t like to be reminded of.

Just then, Balthazar grinned and waved at somebody else—no telling who in that crowd, especially given that he was friends with nearly everybody. “I’ll catch you later, okay?” I called after him as he started walking off.

“Definitely.”

For a moment, I felt lonely without him. I was surrounded by vampires—real vampires, powerful and sensual and strong, with centuries of experience behind their beautiful, young faces. I wasn’t yet a full vampire, and the distance between us hadn’t closed much during my first year at Evernight. Next to them, I was still small, naive, and awkward.

All the more reason to head upstairs right away, I decided. I would have a different roommate this year, and I couldn’t wait to say hello.

When I walked into my dorm room, Raquel sighed. “Welcome back—to hell.”

She was flopped across her bare mattress, arms splayed out. Her duffel bag lay crumpled on the floor, as if deflated, and her clothes and art supplies were strewn around. It looked like she’d shaken the bag out and left her unpacking at that.

“Good to see you, too.” I sat on the edge of my own bed. “I thought you’d at least be happy that we could be roommates this year.”

“Trust me, you’re the only reason I can stand the thought of being here again. Did your parents, like, bribe Mrs. Bethany or something? If so, I owe them big-time.”

“No, just the luck of the draw.” That was almost a lie. My parents hadn’t asked Mrs. Bethany for any favors, but apparently there had been an odd number of humans and vampires admitted this year—both boys and girls. Since I still ate regular food more than I drank blood, I was considered the female vampire most likely to be able to hide the truth from a human when we dined in our rooms, as everyone did at Evernight.

Getting Raquel, though—that had been luck. That, and the fact that nearly every other human girl who had come here for her sophomore year had made sure to go somewhere else for her junior year. I couldn’t blame them.

“So,” I said, trying to keep my voice playful, “besides spending more time in my fascinating company, why did you come back? I know that’s not what you’d planned.”

“No offense, but even your fascinating company wasn’t enough to change my mind.” Raquel rolled over onto her belly, so that we were facing each other again. Her dark hair was cut even shorter than last year; at least she’d had a barber do it so that it looked good, even a little bit punk. “I told my parents I wanted to try somewhere else. Maybe live with my grandparents in Houston, go to school there. They didn’t want to hear it. Evernight’s ‘private’ and ‘exclusive,’ and that should be enough for me, they said.”

“Even learning about—about Erich—”

Raquel’s mouth twisted into a scowl. “They said he was probably just trying to flirt with me. They said I was too standoffish with guys, and I had to learn to ‘like somebody back.’”

I stared at her, aghast. Erich hadn’t been some overzealous would-be boyfriend. He had been a vampire intent on stalking and killing her. Raquel didn’t know that, but she’d understood that he was dangerous. If I’d told my parents that somebody had scared me half as badly as Erich had scared her, my father would have held me tightly until I felt safe again, and my mother would’ve probably taken a baseball bat to whomever had dared threaten her little girl. Raquel’s parents had laughed at her and sent her back to this place she hated.

“I’m sorry,” I said.

She shrugged one shoulder. “I should’ve realized they wouldn’t listen. They never have. Even when I—”

“When what?”

Raquel didn’t answer. Instead, she shoved herself into a sitting position and pointed accusingly at the wall behind me. “So, are we stuck with the Klimt?”

I’d hung my print above my bed. The Kiss was so important to me that I’d forgotten Raquel had never seen it before. “What? You don’t like it?”

“Bianca, that picture is so cliché. You can get it, like, on fridge magnets and coffee mugs and stuff.”

“I don’t care.” Maybe it’s stupid to like something just because everyone else likes it, but if you ask me, it’s even stupider to dislike something because everyone else likes it. “It’s beautiful, and it’s one of my favorite things, and it’s in my half of the room. So nyah.”

“I might paint my side of the room black,” Raquel threatened.

“That wouldn’t be too bad.” I imagined putting glow-in-the-dark stars upon the walls and ceiling, just the way my room had been when I was little. “That would be great, actually. Too bad Mrs. Bethany wouldn’t let us get away with it.”

“Who says she’d object? They’ve done everything else to make this place as creepy as possible. Why not black paint all over everything?”

I got the mental picture of the school’s stone towers in shining black—which was pretty much all it needed to go straight to Dracula’s castle territory. “Even the bathrooms. Even the gargoyles. I didn’t think we could make Evernight any scarier, but we could, couldn’t we?”

“It would still be better than being home.” Raquel’s eyes were strange as she said this—so weary that for a moment she looked older in spirit than the vampires who had surrounded us at the assembly.

I wanted to ask her more about what had happened with her parents, but I didn’t know how. As I tried to find the words, Raquel briskly said, “C’mon and help me put away this crap.”

“What crap?”

“My stuff.”

“Oh,” I said, nodding as we got to our feet and headed toward her boxes and duffel bag in the corner. “That crap.”

After we’d gotten her bed made and her few things situated, Raquel wanted to take a nap. Her parents weren’t wealthy, like most of the families of human students at Evernight; instead of being driven to the front door in a luxury sedan, she’d had to catch a bus from Boston before dawn, make a couple of transfers, and then wait for a cab to bring her up here. She was completely wiped and had fallen asleep even before I’d gotten done lacing up my shoes to go outside.

Raquel is here on scholarship, I thought. That means Mrs. Bethany is actually paying for her to attend this school. Why would she do that?

All the human students are here for a reason, and Raquel proves it’s not money. But what is it? Is Raquel somehow even more important than the rest?

More questions, still no answers.

I strolled onto the grounds to see how much Evernight had changed, now that the other students were here. The humans were talking to one another eagerly, making new friends, while the vampires watched them, languid and disdainful.

My stomach growled. It was nearly lunchtime. I hoped I was the only vampire thinking about food while we were looking at the humans, but I probably wasn’t.

“Yo, Binks!”

Nobody had ever called me “Binks” before in my life, but I knew who it had to be even before I recognized the voice. “Vic!”

Vic was loping toward me across the grounds, a big grin on his face. As usual, he’d made a few adjustments to the Evernight uniform; instead of the school colors, his tie was decorated with a hand-painted hula girl, and his beloved Phillies cap was on his head. We ran into each other’s arms, laughing, and he spun me around so that my feet didn’t touch the ground.

By the time he dropped me, I was dizzy but still smiling. “Did you have a good summer? I got your pictures from Buenos Aires, but then I didn’t hear from you.”

“After all the seaside fun, I was put to work. Woodson Enterprises has a summer internship program, and Dad was all, You need to learn the ropes of the family business. But when you’re an intern? You’re not learning any ropes. You’re learning how people like their coffee. I spent the rest of the summer trying to remember who wanted a hot chai soy latte. Seriously lame. Were you stuck here the whole time?”

“We spent the Fourth of July in D.C. Mostly my mother dragged us around to monuments and stuff. But the Natural History Museum was pretty cool—they had some meteorites on display that you could actually touch—”

Vic’s hand stole toward the pocket of my skirt. I pretended not to notice the envelope he held. My heart started beating faster.

“Well, it was fun. At least I got to be away from this place for one week of the summer, because as boring as it is during the year, it’s even worse when you’re here practically all alone.” I was babbling, paying no attention to what I was saying. “I went down to Riverton on the weekends sometimes but that’s pretty much it. Um, yeah.”

“We gotta catch up later.” Vic obviously understood that I couldn’t think about anything right now besides the item he’d just tucked into my pocket. “You want to meet up after dinner? You can meet my new roommate. He seems pretty cool.”

“Okay, sure.” I would’ve agreed if Vic suggested we get together to shave our heads. Adrenaline coursed through me, making me giddy. “Meet up right here?”

“You got it.”

Without another word, I ran away from him, heading straight for the cast-iron gazebo at the edge of the grounds. Fortunately, none of the other students were in there yet, which meant I still had it to myself.

I went up the steps and settled onto one of the benches. The thick canopy of ivy leaves overhead sheltered me from the sunlight as I reached into my pocket and withdrew what Vic had tucked there—a small white envelope, addressed only with my name.

For the first second, I couldn’t open it. I could only stare down at the handwriting I remembered so well. The letter had been sent to me through Vic, by Vic’s roommate from the year before.

Lucas.

Chapter Three

BIANCA,

I know it’s been way too long. I hope you haven’t been checking your e-mail all this time hoping to hear from me; my Evernight account got yanked, obviously, and they police our computer use pretty tightly in Black Cross. Besides, I figure they’re monitoring your Evernight account.

But it doesn’t feel like it’s been so long since we talked. Sometimes I feel like I’m talking to you all the time, every second, and I have to remind myself that you aren’t there to hear me, no matter how bad I wish you were.

Hasn’t been much of a summer, to tell you the truth. We went down to Mexico for a couple of months, but it wasn’t beach volleyball and Coronas by a long shot. In fact, half the time I ended up sleeping in the back of the pickup truck. Swear to God, I can still feel the metal ridges against my spine. Not fun.

Lucas didn’t explain why he was in Mexico, or who “they” were who had gone with him. He didn’t because he didn’t have to; I already knew. Black Cross had traveled there on a vampire hunt.

Most of the time, I did a pretty good job of not remembering that the guy I loved was a member of Black Cross. Still, though, it was there, the hard fact that separated the world into two halves: mine and his.

Lucas’s mother had become a member of Black Cross before he was born, and he’d been raised in the group—the only family he’d ever known. He’d been taught since childhood that all vampires were evil, and that killing them was the right thing to do.

But Lucas had learned things weren’t that simple. Although he had fallen for me before he’d learned that I was born to vampire parents, or that I would become a vampire myself someday, learning the truth hadn’t changed his feelings. Nothing had ever surprised or moved me more than the moment Lucas said he still wanted to be with me, that he still trusted me. Even though I had drunk his blood.

If you’re reading this, that means the vampires aren’t searching Vic’s stuff. Obviously, Vic doesn’t know what’s really going on at Evernight or that he’s actually dealing with vampires. That means it’s not fair to keep putting him in danger. A couple of notes every once in a while—that we could probably get away with. But I know that’s not enough for you or for me.

Oh, no. I sat upright, clutching the pages between my fingers so hard they crumpled. Was Lucas about to say that it was too risky for us to stay in touch? That we couldn’t ever see each other again?

If I were a better guy, I’d break it off with you. I know I’m asking you to go against your parents, and with Mrs. Bethany breathing down your neck, even reading this puts you in danger. I ought to be strong and walk away.

But I can’t do it, Bianca. I’ve been trying to talk myself into it for weeks now, and I just can’t. I have to see you again somehow. Soon, I hope, because I don’t think I can stand this much longer.

We’re headed back to Massachusetts soon—not far from Riverton, as it turns out. Looks like a few of us are going to be scouting around Amherst near the end of September. I don’t know how long we’ll be there, but I figure it will be a while.

Is there any way you could get to Amherst the first weekend of October? If so, I’ll meet you at midnight at the Amherst train station—Friday or Saturday night, whichever you could make it. I’ll wait both nights just in case.

I realize that I might be off base here. It’s been a long time since we’ve seen each other or been able to talk, and maybe you don’t feel the same way anymore. Your parents have had a while to work on you about what a bad influence I am, and if Black Cross freaks you out, I don’t guess I can blame you. Besides, a beautiful girl isn’t going to be left alone for long. Maybe you’re with somebody else now, like that Balthazar guy.

Remembering Balthazar’s gentle flirtation that morning—and the warmth I’d felt in response—made me embarrassed all of a sudden, like Lucas had been eavesdropping and had overheard more than I’d meant to reveal.

If that’s how things are, then—I can’t say I’d be happy for you, because “happy” is not how I’d be feeling. I’d understand, though. I promise you that. Just send word to me in Amherst somehow so I know.

But I feel the same way. I still love you, Bianca. I think I love you more than I did when we said good-bye, and I didn’t even think that was possible. If there’s any chance you still feel it, too, then I have to try.

Okay, I keep reading this letter and feeling like it doesn’t say everything I meant to say. I’m not so good with words. I guess you know that by now, huh? If you come to Amherst, I swear I’ll find the right words to say. Or maybe we won’t need words at all.

I love you.

Lucas

I blinked fast, trying to clear my swimming eyes. The letter shook in my trembling fingers, and my heart felt like a drumbeat beneath my skin. At that moment I could have taken off running toward Amherst, down the roads and over the hills, and been there in minutes—no, seconds—if I’d only known how, maybe I could have shut my eyes and just willed myself there. I wanted it that badly.

Instead, the tie between us was fragile; we were connected only by smuggled sheets of paper and a promise to meet. That was all we could have, because probably Lucas was right about the e-mail monitoring. For all her prim, old-fashioned ways, Mrs. Bethany stayed on top of every technological development that might help her remain in total control of the school. No doubt Mr. Yee had set it up so the headmistress could read every e-mail in the school accounts.

Even being connected only through the mail seemed miraculous now, as I held Lucas’s letter in my hand. He had folded the pages within a greeting card, an unusual one—no message inside, and the photo on the cover was one of the constellation Andromeda. Lucas would’ve had to buy this someplace like a science museum or a planetarium. He remembered how I loved the stars.

Laughter across the grounds made me look up. Courtney and a few of her friends were strolling together at the edge of the lawn, snickering at some of the new human students. She made sure to point. Last year, I had been so intimidated by her. Now she seemed as insignificant as a buzzing fly at a picnic.

However, her presence reminded me that most of the vampires at Evernight knew about Black Cross and about Lucas. The card I held in my hands was evidence that I was communicating with “the enemy.” I would have to destroy it, and soon.

At least Lucas had chosen an image that I could always see for myself, one that nobody could take away.

“That’s Andromeda,” I said to Raquel, pointing up at the night sky.

We were hanging out on the grounds after dinner—our regular dinner, that was. We’d made tuna fish sandwiches in our dorm room; after Raquel was in bed, I’d have to find a way to take a few swigs of the blood I had in a thermos in my dresser. Day one, and my mealtime situation was already complicated, but I’d just have to figure it out.

“Andromeda?” Raquel squinted upward. She had on the same faded black sweater that she’d worn threadbare last year. “That’s from Greek mythology, right? I remember the name, but I don’t remember anything about her.”

“Sacrificial victim, Perseus to the rescue, Medusa head, yada yada.” Vic walked up, hands in his pockets. “Hey, do you guys know my roommate?”

My eyes went wide as I turned my head from the stars to focus on the figure by Vic’s side. “Ranulf?”

Ranulf held up one hand in a sheepish wave. His soft brown hair was still in the same bowl cut it had been in the year before—and, probably, the thousand years before that. Modernity was a very foreign concept to him; every single class was a challenge for him to even comprehend, much less absorb. And Ranulf was the male vampire chosen to have a human roommate? What could Mrs. Bethany have been thinking?

“Hey, Ranulf.” Raquel didn’t stand and offer a hand to shake, but for Raquel, even speaking to a stranger was being pretty friendly. “I remember seeing you around last year. You seem okay. You know—nonferal. Not like Courtney and her bitch patrol.”

Clearly Ranulf didn’t quite know what to make of that. After a moment’s hesitation, he simply nodded. At least he’d learned how to bluff.

“Checking out the stars, huh? Vic flopped down beside us on the grass, his usual lopsided grin on his face. “I forgot you were into that.”

“If you’d ever seen my telescope, you’d never forget.”

“Big?” he asked.

“Huge,” I said with relish. My telescope was one of my proudest possessions. “I kind of wish I’d hauled it down here tonight. The sky’s incredibly clear.”

Vic lifted one finger to the sky as if painting a little squiggle. “And that’s Andromeda, right?” I nodded. “You see it, Ranulf?”

“Shapes in the sky?” Ranulf ventured as he hesitantly sat down with us.

“Yeah, the constellations. You need us to point them out to you?”

“When I look at the sky, I do not see shapes,” Ranulf explained patiently. “I see the spirits of those who died before us, watching over us for all time.”

I tensed, expecting the others to freak out or start asking Ranulf questions he couldn’t answer. But Raquel merely rolled her eyes, and Vic nodded slowly as he took it in. “That’s deep, man.”

Ranulf had to pause to think up an appropriate reply. “You are ‘deep’ also, Vic.”

“Thanks, dude.” Vic punched Ranulf’s shoulder.

Fighting back laughter, I rolled onto my back to look up at the stars. Mrs. Bethany hadn’t chosen Ranulf to room with a human; she’d chosen Vic to live with a vampire. Apparently she’d realized that Vic didn’t sweat the small stuff and so would simply blow off any of his roommate’s weird habits.

Once again, she’d proven how insightful she was—and how well she understood all of us, even Vic. It made me glad that I’d already destroyed Lucas’s card and letter. I’d wanted to hang on to them forever, but it was too dangerous. Besides, I still had the stars.

I traced the image of Andromeda over and over again in the night sky. October seemed a thousand years away; it could never have been near enough.