Her Real Family Christmas

So he felt as awkward as she did? Maybe this was salvageable, then. Which was good, because the chances were that they’d have to work together in the future. She wanted to keep all her work relationships as smooth as possible. ‘It’s not a problem. I think any parent panics when their child can’t breathe properly, and it’s probably worse when you’re a doctor because you know all the potential complications—it’s scary stuff.’ She gave him a rueful smile. ‘But I am sorry for drawing you that diagram. It was pretty much teaching you to suck eggs.’

He laughed. ‘Don’t apologise. It was a great analogy, and I needed to hear it right then. Actually, I’m glad you’re on the paediatrics team. I wondered at the time if you were a locum.’

‘No, I was rostered on the paediatric assessment unit. Rhys Morgan had it moved to the emergency department at about the same time that I joined the team.’ She looked at him, surprised. ‘Why are you pleased I’m in paediatrics?’

‘Because, if you were a locum, I was going to ask Theo Petrakis—my boss—to put you on the list for Neonatal. You’re good with panicky parents,’ he said simply, ‘and I can say that from first-hand experience.’

‘Thank you.’

‘Perhaps I can buy you a coffee later today?’ he said.

Coffee? Was he asking her as colleague, or as a grateful parent, or as a potential date? Stephanie couldn’t quite read the signals and it filled her with panic. Especially as she didn’t know what his situation was. No way did she want to get in the slightest bit involved with a colleague who wasn’t free.

Actually, she didn’t want to get involved, full stop. Once bitten, definitely twice shy. It was safest to keep people pigeonholed as patients or colleagues, the way she’d done ever since her divorce. ‘There’s no need, really. I was just doing my job.’ Flustered, she added, ‘I’d better get back to my department.’

‘Sure. Nice to see you again, Stephanie,’ he said.

‘You, too,’ she said, and fled before she made even more of an idiot of herself.

CHAPTER TWO

‘STEPHANIE? YOU’VE GOT visitors,’ Lynne, one of the senior paediatric nurses, said. ‘They’re waiting at the nurses’ station for you.’

Visitors? Stephanie wasn’t expecting anyone. Everyone she knew in London either worked with her or lived in the same block of flats. And Joe definitely wouldn’t have come down to London to see her, to check she’d settled in OK to her new job and her new life. After the wreck of their marriage, they couldn’t even be friends.

She’d walked out on him because she’d seen the blame in his eyes and his contempt for her every time he’d looked at her, and she just hadn’t been able to live with it. That, and the knowledge that he was right about her. That she was a selfish woman who wouldn’t know how to put a family first because she was useless at being part of a family.

Well, hey. Now wasn’t the time for a pity party.

She saved the file, then headed out to the nurses’ station. As she drew nearer, she recognised Daniel Connor and his daughter waiting there.

‘Hello, Dr Scott,’ Mia said shyly, and handed her a hand-drawn card and a paper plate covered with cling film. ‘I made these for you and the nurses to say thank you for looking after me.’

Cupcakes, painstakingly decorated with buttercream and sprinkles.

Gifts from patients weren’t encouraged, but a home-made card and cupcakes from a little girl were definitely acceptable. Especially as Stephanie could see that these were meant to be shared with the other staff who’d helped to look after her.

Stephanie crouched down so she was nearer Mia’s level. ‘Thank you very much, Mia. The card’s beautiful and the cakes look lovely. Did your mummy help you make them?’

‘No, Nanna Parker helped me.’ There was just the tiniest wobble of her bottom lip. ‘My mummy’s in heaven.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Stephanie said softly. She’d hurt the little girl with her assumption, and she’d misjudged Daniel. He’d clearly been through the mill. She wasn’t going to ask whether he’d lost his wife to illness or accident; either way would still have left a gaping hole in his and Mia’s lives.

And now she understood exactly why he’d flinched when she’d asked if Mia’s mum wanted to stay overnight with the little girl. It explained why he’d been so frantic about his daughter’s deteriorating health, too; clearly Mia was all Daniel had left of her mother. Her heart bled for them. It would be bad enough losing someone you loved; how much worse would it be, losing someone who loved you back?

‘I’ve still got Daddy,’ Mia said, almost as if reading her mind and reminding her that life had light as well as shade.

Stephanie nodded, and looked up at Daniel. ‘Sorry,’ she mouthed.

He made a brief hand gesture to tell her it was OK, but she knew it wasn’t. Yet again she’d messed up when it came to dealing with other people. Dealing with patients and colleagues, she could do; other kinds of personal interactions were much, much trickier. Which was why she usually managed to avoid them. Especially since the way she’d messed up with Joe and his family.

‘I’d better get this young lady home,’ Daniel said, as if he knew how awkward she felt and had taken pity on her.

She nodded. ‘Well, thank you very much for coming in to see me, Mia. It’s lovely to see that you’re so much better. I’ll put your card up on our special board, so everyone can see it, and we’ll all really enjoy these cakes.’

‘Good. I put extra sprinkles on yours,’ the little girl said, pointing out one that was extra pink and sparkly.

‘It looks gorgeous. Thank you.’

Stephanie waved her goodbye and shared out the cakes with the rest of the team on duty. But that evening, as she ate her cupcake, it struck her how a stranger could be so much kinder than family. And it made her feel really alone. She didn’t have a family at all now, not even the in-laws who’d barely accepted her in the first place but had been the nearest she’d had to a real family. And the previous month she’d moved from Manchester to London, so she didn’t have any really close friends nearby either.

She shook herself. Enough whining. Things were just fine. There was no problem at work; she’d fitted in easily to her new role and already felt part of the team. Though she knew that was probably thanks to growing up in an institution; it meant that she knew exactly how to fit in to an institution, whether it was school or university or the hospital. Whereas, when it came to family…

OK, so Joe’s family had refused to accept where she’d come from and had always treated her as an outsider; but at the same time Stephanie knew she had to accept the lion’s share of the blame for the wreckage of her marriage. She hadn’t exactly made it easy for Joe’s parents and sister, either. Not being familiar with a family dynamic, Stephanie simply didn’t know how to react in a family. She’d never been quite sure what had been teasing and what hadn’t; so she’d never really joined in, not wanting to get it wrong and hurt someone.

Was it any wonder they’d tended to leave her on the sidelines? And of course Joe would take their part over hers. They were his family and, despite the promises she and Joe had made in a packed church, she wasn’t.

And now she was being really maudlin and pathetic. ‘Stop feeling so sorry for yourself, Stephanie Scott,’ she told herself fiercely. Her new life was just fine. She liked her colleagues, she liked her flat and she liked the hospital. She had a great career in the making. And she was not going to let a cupcake throw her. Even if it had been made with extra sparkles.

Everything was fine until the inter-departmental quiz evening on Friday night. Almost as soon as Stephanie walked into the pub and was hailed by her team, she noticed who was sitting on the maternity department’s table.

Daniel Connor.

And the prickle of awareness shocked her. She wasn’t used to noticing men on anything other than a patient-or-colleague basis. She hadn’t been attracted to anyone since her break-up with Joe. And Daniel Connor definitely wasn’t the kind of man she could let herself get attracted to. He came with complications. With baggage. A family. The thing she’d wanted all her life, but had learned the hard way that it just wasn’t for her.

So she damped down that prickle of awareness, ramped up her smile, and threw herself into full colleague mode as she headed for the paediatric department’s table.

Katrina Morgan patted the chair next to hers. ‘I saved you a seat, Stephanie.’

‘Thank you.’ Stephanie smiled at her and slid into the seat.

‘Did you do this sort of thing where you were before?’ Katrina asked.

‘In Manchester? Not as often as I’d have liked to,’ Stephanie admitted. ‘Our team nights out tended to involved Chinese food, ten-pin bowling, or going to a gig.’

‘It’s pretty much like that here too,’ Katrina said, ‘though there’s the annual charity ball. My cousin helps organise that and it’s the highlight of the hospital social calendar. It’s a shame you’ll have to wait until next year’s now.’

‘It’s something to look forward to,’ Stephanie said. Being positive. The way she’d always taught herself to be, even in those dark days before she’d walked out on her marriage. Smile with the world, and they’ll all smile with you. Most of the time, anyway.

She accepted the glass of wine that Rhys Morgan offered her and thoroughly enjoyed taking part in the quiz; she’d always enjoyed trivia games. Each round, the team with the lowest score was knocked out; and the last round saw the paediatrics team going head to head with the maternity ward’s team.

And the subject was history. The one subject that had almost tempted Stephanie away from doing a medical degree.

‘How do you know all this stuff?’ Katrina asked when Stephanie scribbled down their answers, naming Henry VIII’s fourth wife and what happened to her.

‘We learned a rhyme at school,’ Stephanie said with a smile. ‘I liked history. But I’m glad there are others in our team who know about sport. I’m hopeless when it comes to sport, and I would’ve lost the quiz for us.’

‘You were good on literature, too,’ Katrina said. ‘And general knowledge.’

‘Well, I read a lot.’ Stephanie shrugged off the praise, but inwardly she was pleased. Here, at the London Victoria, she fitted in. And life was going to be just fine.

The question papers were finally marked by the emergency department’s team. ‘And the winner—by a clear ten points—is the paediatric team,’ Max Fenton announced. ‘Well done. You get the tin of biscuits this month. But don’t think you’re going to make it two in a row, Morgan,’ he informed the paediatrics consultant. ‘We’re still in the lead overall.’

‘By all of two quizzes. Don’t count your chickens.’ Rhys laughed. ‘We have a secret weapon now.’

‘Who could just as well be on our team,’ Max said, ‘given that the PAU has such a crossover with the emergency department.’

‘Hands off. She’s ours,’ Rhys said.

Stephanie was pretty sure that it was just friendly bickering, but even so she judged it politic to disappear to the toilet until any ruffled feathers had been smoothed over.

On the way back, she discovered that all the teams had merged and groups of people were sitting at different tables. Not quite sure which one to join, she paused and scanned the room.

‘Hey, Stephanie.’

Relieved at not being totally deserted, she turned towards the voice.

Daniel Connor.

He smiled at her. ‘Seeing as you wiped the floor with us, will you let me buy you a celebratory drink?’

Did he mean as a colleague?

If she could pigeonhole him just as a friend and colleague, and ignore the way her heart seemed to do a backflip every time he smiled, it would be fine. OK, so she knew he was single, which meant there was no reason why he shouldn’t ask her to have a drink with him as more than just a friendly gesture from a colleague; but she was pretty sure that he had as much emotional baggage as she did. She had no idea how long ago he’d lost his wife, and she wouldn’t dream of asking, but for all she knew he could still be healing. Just as she was. Neither of them needed any complications.

‘Stephanie?’ he prompted.

She had to answer now. ‘A drink from a colleague would be lovely.’ Just to make the terms clear. ‘Thank you.’

‘What would you like?’

‘Sparkling water, please.’

‘I’ll just go and get our drinks. Have a seat.’

She noticed that he, too, was drinking mineral water when he returned with their glasses. Because he was on call, so he needed to keep a clear head in case of an emergency? Or because he was a single parent, and couldn’t afford the luxury of a couple of glasses of wine, in case his daughter woke and needed him in the night?

Not that it was any of her business.

‘So how come your general knowledge is so amazing?’ Daniel asked.

She smiled. ‘Misspent youth.’ Which he could interpret how he liked. She wasn’t going to tell him that it was from growing up with her nose in a book to keep the outside world at a safe distance. She’d read and read and read, and absorbed everything.

‘I’m impressed. And I’m trying to work out how I can annex you for our team, next time round.’

This time, she laughed. ‘Sorry. Max Fenton’s already suggested that to Rhys and got short shrift.’

‘I’m not Max.’ He tapped his nose and grinned.

‘I still don’t rate your chances.’ She turned her glass round in her hands. ‘I meant to say, I’m sorry about your wife. It must be hard for you.’

‘Yeah, it was very hard when she was killed.’ He grimaced. ‘I might as well tell You now and get the pity party out of the way.’

Oh, no. She hadn’t been fishing. ‘You really don’t have to say anything,’ she backtracked hastily. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be nosey.’

‘It’s natural to wonder. And I’d rather you heard it from me than from anyone else.’ He looked sad. ‘It was a freak accident, four years ago. Mia was only two at the time. An elderly driver panicked when she was parking her car and she hit the accelerator instead of the brake. She ended up driving over the pavement and mowing Meg down. We were lucky that Mia wasn’t killed, too—Meg had the presence of mind to shove the pushchair out of the way when she realised the car wasn’t going to stop.’

Stephanie stared at him, shocked. ‘I’m so sorry. What an awful thing to happen.’

‘Not just for me. Meg’s family lost their daughter, Mia lost her mum, my family lost Meg… and the old lady who killed her probably still has nightmares about it. She was in bits at the inquest—but it was an accident. It’s not as if she meant to run Meg over like that.’ He shrugged.

‘Sometimes I wonder what would’ve happened if she’d given up driving when her family asked her to, instead of being stubborn and insisting that she could still do it and they were trying to take away her independence. Meg would probably still be alive. Mia might have a brother or sister. We’d probably have a dog.’ He blew out a breath. ‘But it’s pointless torturing myself over it because nothing I can do will ever make a difference. And I have a lot of good things in life. I have Mia and my family and Meg’s family.’

Yeah. He was definitely lucky there. Not that Stephanie intended to say that. It would be too crass.

‘And they all chip in to help with Mia.’ He smiled. ‘Mum does the school run for me in the mornings if I’m on an early shift. My sister, Lucy, happens to be a teacher at Mia’s school, so she’ll take Mia home if I’m on a late, provided she doesn’t have a meeting. If she’s got a meeting, then Meg’s mum picks Mia up and gives her dinner. I’m really lucky.’

‘And so is Mia, having So many people who really care about her.’

‘Absolutely.’ he smiled at her. ‘So what’s your story?’

The question threw her. ‘I… er… ’

‘Married, children?’ he asked.

Once, and almost, she thought. ‘No story.’ At least, not one she wanted to tell: a failed marriage; a failed surrogate pregnancy; and a failure at being part of a family.

‘In other words, back off and stop being nosey,’ he said.

She winced. ‘Sorry. I didn’t mean to be that sharp. You weren’t being nosey. I’ve noticed that everyone’s very close here, at the London Victoria, and they look out for each other.’

‘And at your last hospital it was a bit more private?’

It was a let-out, and she took it gratefully. ‘Something like that. And there isn’t a story. I’m just a boring divorcée.’

Oh, there was a story, all right. Daniel recognised the barriers Stephanie was busy putting up; he’d spent enough of the last four years doing something similar. Keeping people at a little more of a distance, except for his family, and evading all the attempts by well-meaning friends and his mother to fix him up with a date to help him move on from the past. And if he pushed Stephanie too hard right now, he had a feeling she’d do exactly what he’d done in the past and make an excuse to leave early. It took courage to join in with inter-departmental events when you had a past to live down.

‘Message received and understood,’ he said easily.

Stephanie looked relieved that she didn’t have to explain any further, especially when Daniel steered the conversation back to more normal things—how long she’d been in the department, how she’d settled in and what the differences were between the London Victoria and her old hospital in Manchester.

‘I do hope you’re not trying to poach our new quiz star for the maternity team, Dan,’ Rhys Morgan said, coming to stand by their table.

‘If you are,’ Katrina said, ‘then I’ll be having a word with my cousin.’

‘Cousin?’ Stephanie looked at her. ‘You have family working in the maternity ward?’

‘Maddie Petrakis,’ Katrina confirmed. ‘She’s part time at the moment. You might have met Theo, her husband.’

‘My boss,’ Daniel said. ‘Who’s not here tonight, or you lot might’ve been buying us the celebratory drinks.’

‘In your dreams, Dan—you know the last round’s always between us and Max’s lot,’ Rhys said with a grin. ‘Actually, I’m seeing Theo on Monday about a cross departmental project. Stephanie, I want to talk to you about that, too.’

‘And you can talk to her on Monday, Rhys,’ Katrina cut in. ‘You’re both off duty right now.’

‘I know. And we have a babysitter to relieve,’ Rhys added. He kissed Katrina lingeringly. ‘I get the message. I’ll shut up. Let’s go home. See you later, Stephanie.’

‘See you on Monday,’ Stephanie said with a smile, then turned to Daniel. ‘You must have a babysitter to relieve, too.’

Well, of course she’d know that. She’d treated Mia. But Daniel was intrigued by the difference between the bright, confident doctor in the PAU and this slightly diffident woman who’d drawn such huge barriers round herself. At the same time, it worried him that she intrigued him. OK, so it had been four years since Meg had died, but he wasn’t ready to think about another relationship—not when he had Mia to put first—and he was pretty sure that Stephanie had emotional baggage, too. So it would be much more sensible to keep things to strictly colleagues.

Though he could still be kind to a new colleague.

‘My parents are babysitting,’ he confirmed. ‘But I can give you a lift home, if you like.’

‘No, you’re fine, but thanks for the offer. See you later,’ she said, and beat a hasty retreat. Just as he did, he thought wryly, when anyone tried to get too close to him.

Daniel filled Stephanie’s thoughts as she walked home. If she was honest with herself then, yes, she did find him attractive. She’d already warmed to his personality, and his smile and cornflower-blue eyes could make her heart skip a beat. Now she knew for sure that he was single, there were no barriers to her acting on that attraction.

Apart from the fact that he came with complications. Daniel was a widower who’d lost his wife in incredibly tragic circumstances. OK, so it had been four years ago now, but that didn’t mean he was in any way over what had happened, even though he was able to talk about it.

And he had a daughter. Mia seemed a very sweet child, but no doubt she missed having a mum; she was the odd one out at school. Stephanie could relate to that. Mia had lost her mum at the age of two, and Stephanie hadn’t been much older than that herself when her own mum had died. Though Mia still had her dad. Stephanie had had only herself to rely on.

And, more to the point, Daniel had a close family. In cluding in-laws.

Her own in-laws had never really been able to accept her; Daniel’s in-laws would no doubt find it hard to see him dating anyone else, feeling that she was trying to take their late daughter’s place, so they’d have extra reasons not to accept her on top of the ones that Joe’s family had had.

So it would be better to stick to being just colleagues. And she’d be sensible and keep a little bit of distance between herself and Daniel Connor in future.

CHAPTER THREE

‘DR SCOTT. JUST the person I wanted to see.’ Rhys smiled at Stephanie. ‘I wanted a quick chat. Can you come into my office for a minute?’

‘Sure.’ This had to be the project Rhys had mentioned on Friday night after the quiz, she thought.

‘So how are you settling in?’ he asked, gesturing to her to take a seat.

‘Fine. Everyone’s been very welcoming. And I’m enjoying the work—it’s really good that we can work with the emergency department staff in the paediatric assessment unit.’

‘I’m glad. Actually, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I’m working on another cross-departmental project to see how we can improve liaison between teams and give better patient care.’

‘Which sounds perfectly sensible to me,’ she said. ‘Having the PAU in the emergency department works well.’

‘And obviously we work closely with the maternity department.’

Where Daniel worked. Stephanie’s pulse leapt. Stupid. She forced herself to concentrate. This was work, and Daniel was purely a colleague. ‘Of course. We need to check the baby immediately after a complicated birth, and do the standard early postnatal checks, as well as following up any issues. Once the mum’s been signed off, then the baby would come to us if there’s a health problem.’

‘Exactly. I’d like you to be part of the team working with the maternity department. Apart from anything else, it means you’ll get to know a few more people a bit more quickly, too. Is that OK with you?’ Rhys asked.

‘That’s fine,’ she said with a smile. ‘Thanks for the opportunity.’

‘Good. I’ll give Theo a call, and whoever’s on his team can liaise with you.’

Stephanie was writing up her notes after a ward round when there was a knock on the open door of her office. She looked up to see Daniel.

Oh, help. Her stomach really wasn’t supposed to be filled with butterflies like this. Even if he did have the most amazing blue eyes and a smile that made the room feel as if it had just been lit up. He was her colleague—just her colleague—and she’d already told herself that enough times to know better. She knew that relationships didn’t work for her. How ridiculous was it to let herself react to him like this?

She took a deep breath and willed herself to calm down. ‘Hello, Dr Connor.’

‘Dan,’ he corrected her. ‘I can see you’re busy, but can I have a quick word? Maybe later, if you’re up to your eyes?’

‘Now’s fine. You know how it is with paperwork; it’s always going to be there. What can I do for you?’

‘I believe Rhys has talked to you about the team liaison project?’

‘Yes.’ Suddenly it all fell into place. ‘Does that mean you’re on the maternity team for the project?’

He nodded. ‘So it looks as if this one is down to you and me. Are you busy at lunchtime?’

Which was her let-out. She opened her mouth to say yes, but the wrong words came out. ‘If you call having a sandwich and going for a walk busy.’