Driving Blind

“Try.”

She tried and talked while he gnawed his thumbnail and watched them finish putting up and spraying the AIRCRAFT stencil below.

“Hell and damn,” she said at last, in total surprise. She held out the phone. “He’s there! And answered the phone himself!”

“You’re putting me on!” cried Jerry Would.

She shoved the phone out in the air and shrugged.

He grabbed it. “Hello, who’s this? What? Well, say, Howard, I mean Mr. Hughes. Sure. This is MGM Studios. My name? Would. Jerry Would. You what? You heard me? You saw Back to Broadway? And Glory Years. But sure, you once owned RKO Studios, right? Sure, sure. Say, Mr. Hughes, I got a little problem here. I’ll make this short and sweet.”

He paused and winked at his secretary.

She winked back. The voice on the line spoke nice and soft.

“What?” said Jerry Would. “Something’s going on over at your place, too? So you know why I’m calling, sir. Well, they just put up the aircraft letters and spelled out hughes on Stage One. You like that, huh? Looks great. Well, I was wondering, Howard, Mr. Hughes, if you could do me a little favor.”

Name it, said the quiet voice a long way off.

“I was thinking if the Japs come with the next tide by air or by sea and no Paul Revere to say which, well, when they see those big letters right outside my window, they’re sure going to bomb the hell outta what they think is P-38 country and Hughes territory. A brilliant concept, sir, brilliant. Is what? Is everyone here at MGM happy with the ruse? They’re not dancing in the streets but they do congratulate you for coming up with such a world-shaking plan. Now here’s my point. I gotta lot of work to finish. Six films shooting, two films editing, three films starting. What I need is a nice safe place to work, you got the idea? That’s it. Yeah. That’s it. You got a nice small corner of one of your hangars that—sure! You’re way ahead of me. I should what? Yeah, I’ll send my secretary over right after lunch with some files. You got a typewriter? I’ll leave mine here. Boy, How—Mr. Hughes, you’re a peach. Now, tit for tat, if you should want to move into my office here? Just joking. Okay. Thanks. Thanks. Okay. She’ll be there, pronto.”

And he hung up.

His secretary sat stolidly, examining him. He looked away, refused to meet her stare. A slow blush moved up his face.

“You’re fired,” she said.

“Take it easy,” he said.

She rose, gathered a few papers, hunted for her purse, applied a perfect lipstick mouth, and stood at the door.

“Have Joey and Ralph bring all the stuff in that top file,” she said. “That’ll do for starters. You coming?”

“In a moment,” he said, standing by the window, still not looking at her.

“What if the Japs figure out this comedy, and bomb the real Hughes Aircraft instead of this fake one?”

“Some days,” sighed Jerry Would, “you can’t win for losing.”

“Shall I write a letter to Goldfarb to tell him where you’re going?”

“Don’t write, call. That way there’s no evidence.”

A shadow loomed. They both looked up at the sky over the studio.

“Hey,” he said, softly, “there’s another. A third balloon.”

“How come,” she said, “it looks like a producer I used to know?”

“You’re—” he said.

But she was gone. The door shut.

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