Kingdom Marriage: Finding Purpose in Love. Finding Purpose in Love

On the contrary, the positive aspect of knowing and walking with the Lord Jesus Christ is the light He shines on the darkness in which you might be languishing due to ignorance stemming from a lack of truth and the knowledge needed to climb out of that dark place in your life. I remember the nights I cried and the days I fasted, pleading with God to help my parents reconcile and restore peace to our family, when my mother finally made the decision to leave my father in September, 2005, taking my siblings and me with her to start a new life as a single mother after 15 years of marraige. I come from a society where children from single-parent families weren’t fully respected, and children from two-parent families were advised against marrying women from single-parent families because they were perceived as poorly educated and likely to divorce like their parents. Furthermore, the stereotype of being ignored by peers sometimes because you only mention your mother in most conversations about your family is quite discouraging.

From then on, I fervently wished that my parents would reconcile and that we would be one big, happy family again. But everything changed the day I lay in bed praying, asking God to help my parents reconcile, because I wanted to return to the house we had just left. In the middle of my silent prayer, my mother came into the room and said, “If you’re praying for your father and me to get back together, you’d better stop, because I’ve decided never to go back to your father, and I won’t remarry. I will do everything I can to make sure that you and your siblings receive the best possible education.” That devastated me and made me stop praying for my parents’ happy marriage and instead started praying for my own happy marriage in the future. Knowing that I couldn’t do it alone, I began to draw closer to Jesus. Even though I didn’t know how or what to pray for in a marriage, I continued to pray and trust God for a happy and peaceful marriage. The importance of prayer is fundamental, as it is one of the keys to manifesting the miracles you desire in your life. I remember praying that the Lord would guide me to a place where I could meet and marry the husband He (God) had destined for me, to give Him glory. Now I see God’s hand in my life, because He not only heard my prayers, but He answered them according to His will and in His time.

My journey toward kingdom marriage according to the precepts of the Kingdom began when I allowed God to lead me to serve in a state where I met a beautiful and loving woman of God, Mrs. Excel, who was the principal of the high school where I served as a member of the Nigerian National Youth Service Corps (NYSC) in 2017. She was like a mother to me while I worked at the school, she made sure I was okay. She would sometimes bring me food at the hostel and invited me to her home on several occasions, which was a blessing for me because it opened my heart to the possibility of having the happy and peaceful marriage that God desired for my life. I saw how the woman all the staff were afraid to cross became so relaxed, caring, and sweet when she took me to spend Easter vacation with her lovely, happy family. It was truly powerful and inspired me to believe in God and ask for the happy family I had always longed for. Now, seeing Mrs. Excel revere God and submit to her husband, and seeing how he loved her, how they treated each other with respect, helped one another, and were so kind, their daughter felt so comfortable around them and honored them equally. To this day, that image of a peaceful and happy family I witnessed has never left my mind. I realized that life can be what you see, and not just what you don’t see, because seeing can shape your thinking and illuminate your imagination with a range of images you never thought possible.

On the contrary, after my year of service, I felt the urge to leave my homeland for another, so I prayed and fasted, asking God where He wanted me to go. Then the passage of Scripture came to mind where the Lord tells Abraham to leave his homeland and go to the land He (God) will show him, and I felt a surge of peace in my heart. Then I knew that the Lord was calling me to leave my homeland and go to the land He will show me, just as He did with Abraham.

“The Lord had said to Abram, “Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you.” — Genesis 12:1 (NIV)

My journey from my homeland to another land began by faith and obedience to the guidance of the Holy Spirit. What started as a simple thought became a living reality. Our thoughts and imaginations are very powerful; that’s why Scripture speaks of “guarding our hearts, for everything we do flows from them”. (Proverbs 4:23). It became a reality for me because I thought it, imagined it, and expressed it just as the Lord placed it in my heart and gave me His word. It is written:

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,” — Ephesians 3:20.

CHAPTER TWO

LETTING GO TO FIND PURPOSE

It all began in the early hours of the morning before the break of the dawn, even before the cock crowed. The quest of wanting to follow a path that leads to purpose was all that was in my mind. So, I searched and found a way and this way is no ordinary way. It was a way that requires total submission to the will of the Father who gives life, hence I was moved to start applying for admission online I knew deep within me that I was supposed to leave my motherland to a far destination. A destination I did not know about, a destination that kept pulling me to stay up and find it. Thus, before then, I applied to over 10 different schools in different countries, but one thing led to another, and I ended up with one excuse for each of these schools. I stayed up late at night searching for that destination that kept calling me, until that particular day that I came across a school which had what I was looking forward to studying in my second degree. Been that as it may, I knew I would get accepted but did not know how. So, I applied fortunately for me I got a quick response the next day to send my documents for further evaluation, which I did instantly. Notwithstanding, I liked the sensations I was getting and all, but I was skeptical about moving to that particular country due to the information surrounding it. It is a place where folks are so scared of visiting talk more of staying for a long duration, therefore this made me hesitant. More so, it felt abstract to me living there since they speak a different language and not English. When I got another response that my documents have been checked and I stand a chance to be admitted immediately, provided that I get all of the documents legalized and notarized for an interview to be setup by the person in charge of my programme of interest. I ignored this for a while and kept looking for admission in other English-speaking countries. It wasn’t until I told my first friend, Carmella, an older sister anyone would be lucky to have, that she encouraged me to try. She said, “I’ll never know if this is where my destiny lies.” Even though she was far away, in another country, her words touched me deeply, and she promised to convince my mother to help me with the necessary funding. My mother was also hesitant because the place was so far away, it was very cold, and it was a country where English wasn’t spoken, and I told her I would easily adapt to their way of life since I am a very adaptable person, so she should worry about my adaptability God will help me. My sister returned to the country just to make sure I was keeping our promise to try. Nevertheless, I started all the paperwork, and I’m so grateful for the mother I have. She made sure I lacked nothing good because she did everything humanly possible to raise us in a comfortable environment. My mother is an ambitious, goal-oriented, and passionate woman who pursues her dreams and, above all, is devoted to her family. She keeps her word; she often told us that, as long as God kept her alive, she would do everything possible to help her children reach the highest level in their chosen careers and professions, and that she would support them in any good decision they made in life that contributed to their happiness. May the Lord bless her soul and grant her the grace to live a long, healthy, and fulfilling life, so that she may reap the fruits of her labor and glorify the Lord’s name on earth! As I headed out to follow my purpose of making a difference in my career, everything was moving smoothly, and I finally got a visa to Russia to start my master’s degree. Moving forward in life entails courage, persistence, and determination. Even though, I had no clue of what to expect when I arrived there, I had hope that everything was working for my good and the faith that I will be favoured wherever God has destined me to go, I will dominate and flourish. In all these events happening in my life I never left God out of my business, I remember praying that He should make everything favourable for me if it is His divine will for me to leave my motherland to a distant country to make a positive impact as I go there. I prayed to find a helper one who will see that I get registered successfully in the desired programme of my choice, since I could not speak nor understand the Russian language as a new bee who just arrived a foreign destination. And it all happened that my requests were granted.

Whereas, before leaving I filled in a form online to get a buddy in the school who would accompany me to do all the necessary things that I needed to be initiated into the academic system as a student. So, a young friendly lady called Julia contacted me few days to the day of my departure and inquired of me about the day of my arrival I was arriving in Russia. She said “Hi, my name is Julia I am your buddy, you filled the form that you needed a buddy to help you around on your arrival to the city, I volunteered to help”. I was so excited, and I told her I was glad she reached out to me and from that day we kept in touch. She made sure I got a place to stay as soon as I arrived. I took off after a few weeks to the land that was abstract to me at first but now was becoming a reality.

On the 26th of September 2018, I got to Nnamdi Azikiwe Airport Abuja as I reached the airport, I was ushered in to be checked in. But my luggage weighed more than the amount that was stipulated by the Turkish Airline and I said to myself “there was no way I am going to drop any of those items my mum has helped me in packing” I was silently praying while, I was standing on the queue to be checked in with my luggage, then I was handed a form to fill the destination of where I am going to. While filling the form a girl approached me and said hello with a smile and I responded with a smile, so she went ahead to ask about a section of the form that was given to us to fill before check in. I told her and asked where she was headed, she told me and I told her mine, then a man approached us and she introduced him to me as her uncle, I greeted him and he asked me where I was going for my studies I told him, he was happy and said, “That’s great”! With a smile on his face and He went further, to say “Since, you and my niece will be boarding the same flight please take care of her for me, as this is her first time to enter the plane to a faraway place” I told him “No problem I will see to that and make sure she doesn’t feel lonely”. He went ahead to ask where my luggage was. I pointed at my luggage, and he followed me to where I kept the luggage and asked me if I had checked the weight, I told him yes, but it was more than the required weight and I don’t want to drop any of my items. He immediately carried my luggage to the place where it would be checked, and he told them that I was his younger one and I needed all these items in my luggage. So, what can be done? He asked. The personnel’ in charge told him to pay for extra baggage he came and met me to inquire of how much I can pay I told him I don’t have that amount, but I gave him the amount I was having on me he went to pay it up and made sure all by belongings were successfully checked in before he left. As, we all stood to bid farewell, he whispered to me that he works at the airport and that he just finished his shift for that day and that if he was still on shift, I would not have been charged for extra baggage because they have a right to help assist their loved ones when they are been checked in. I thanked him and Mercy, who is his niece and I went in to wait for our flight that would been taking off at 11pm that day. Trust me, whenever you do not see anything happening physically there is something happening in the sprit realm. We can only take charge of our lives when we learn how to invite God into our daily lives. If I had not invited God to help me in my quest of pursuing a second degree, I won’t be fortunate enough to have attracted the kind of favour I was attracting to help me in ways I could not have imagined. One can call it coincidence, but I will say is favour and grace packed in one form. How far your life goes is determined by how far you are willing to push until something remarkable happens that puts you in a position for more remarkability in life. I knew there was something different about me when most of my mates back then in my undergraduate days wanted to finish and just get married without any plan of impacting lives other than to be called a wife and mother. However, I believed there was more to life than just becoming a wife and a mother. Do not get me wrong but I feel going outside your own personal life and touching lives matter a lot too. They are people who need the talents and gifts you carry inside of you but how will you know you carry such gifts within you when you are self-absorbed and are fixated about you and yours alone. I came across a video about Pastor T.D Jakes when he was interviewed by Oprah Wilfred about “How to find your Purpose in Life” And He said, “Purpose is found in what you have passion in doing with ease that tends to bring joy and peace to others anything outside that is not a life of purpose because we are called to serve others and so by doing that we are happy”. Living a life of selfishness gives a person dissatisfaction and a life of self makes one go into depression after a while. Finding oneself is hidden in finding your purpose in life. Start by asking what makes you happy? What drives you? What gives you a sense of belonging? What gives you the courage to move forward in life? What do you do that people have pointed out that you do with ease and gives them joy when you do it?

Alas! The constant nudge within me was being fulfilled as I proceeded to the path of satisfying my desires for a better career life.

It was the beginning of winter when I arrived safely in a new land called Yekaterinburg on September 28, 2018. Although I was in an unfamiliar territory and didn’t understand or speak the language, I felt right at home; a warm feeling washed over me as soon as I arrived. Then, the Lord gave me a word that He would show me His wonderful goodness in the city, and I listened to that word and prayed with it daily until I began to see evidence of God’s favour in my life.

“Praise be to the Lord, for he showed me the wonders of his love when I was in a city under siege.” — Psalm 31:21.

I was in a relationship with someone then before I travelled to Russia and this person was so good to me and we didn’t have issues but I felt something was not right with the relationship.

It was dawn and I had to wake up in the early hours of the morning. The cold was becoming intense as the autumn season was coming to an end. I woke up feeling excited about my enrollment to school even though I didn’t know what to expect in my new school. As I prepared myself to go out, I felt like a nervous wreck thinking how things were going to unfold.

I was in the queue waiting to enter the admission office, to get myself enrolled for a master’s degree in food biotechnology. While talking to my buddy and asking her details on what I need to submit I heard a male’s voice behind asking if they have started issuing visa to the students who reapplied for visa renewal. The person was speaking in English, and I turned and saw a guy of slightly above average height approaching where I was standing, so I briskly turned to face my buddy and we continued talking. I was trying to avoid contact with this guy. A small still voice whispered to me “what if he is your husband?” I giggled and dismissed the idea. Not because he wasn’t handsome enough or anything like that, but because I thought it was absurd to marry someone I barely knew, and he was from another continent.

Moreover, I was still dragging on a relationship I wasn’t sure about, hoping it is the one I needed. However, the whisper continued, and he said, “Look, now he’s going to talk to you.” I was just praying he wouldn’t come near me or speak to me, but he did, and asked, “Are you here to pick up your new visa?” I said no, and he proceeded to ask if I knew the visa was being issued at that moment. At that point, my buddy stepped in to help him with the answer. I was busy tapping on my phone, and he gestured to me, asking where I was from. I told him I was from Nigeria. “And you?” I asked. “I’m from Brazil,” he said. “Please, how do you say good afternoon and how are you in my language?” I told him I actually understand two local languages because my parents are from two different tribes in Benue State, Nigeria that speak different languages.

In Idoma language which is my mum’s language good afternoon is “Uma yeno. How you are in Idoma is “Abole’? He tried to pronounce it, but he could not get it quite right. It was nice knowing he wanted to speak my local language.

Moving on, my buddy had classes and she had to leave me because she was getting late for her classes but my new friend went in to ask about his visa if it was ready I was still standing on the queue while I waited for my time to enter the office, my new friend let’s call him Fred, came out he saw me standing alone and he inquired about my buddy I told him she went for her classes so He asked “Are you all alone?” I said yes and he offered to help me by saying okay “if you need help, I can help you”. I was like thank you, so he offered to help me, I allowed him so we went into the office together he spoke to the lady in charge of admission and she gave me some forms to feel while he waited for me we went afterwards to the insurance lady and she gave me a form to fill for insurance I picked the highest form of insurance even though he kicked against it telling me this is too much I should go for the average one which he got I was like no I needed a higher amount of insurance so he watched me why I got the highest form of insurance when we were done from the office he asked me if I want to take coffee I said yes and he asked if I was hungry I said I was hungry so he said OK let me get coffee afterwards we would go and eat something somewhere. After getting coffee we went to other offices to inquire about accommodation in the school dormitory because I needed to get an accommodation in the dormitory. He asked me to save his number I wanted to save it but he collected my phone and he dialed his phone number and said I can save it in case I needed his help another time. I saved his number in my phone. Later he now suggested we should go home and asked if I knew the way back to the hostel I was lodging. I said I don’t know but I can try he said he will take me home but he insisted that we both should go and eat before he takes me home so he took me to his dormitory where he prepared something for us to eat after eating we got talking and he asked me about my family, how many are we? What do my parents do for a living? I told him and he told me his dad is a medical doctor and mother works in a bank and that he’s the first child of his parents and he had 2 brothers. So why we were talking my phone rang it was my ex calling to ask me how it all went with the registration, I told him how everything went and I found a new friend that was able to take me around and so on it was of great help to me. After few minutes I told my new friend that I would like to go back home he said okay we should go home when we were going home I felt really cold he offered to give me his jacket also why would you give me your jacket what will you wear he said I should not worry, I should take it I collected the jacket on my way to the hostel where I was lodged and I told him thank you as I collected his jacket and wore. When we got to the lodge we entered, and he sat down with some students who also were just newly admitted students at the same university that we were enrolled. The people were friendly, and Fred was too, so we exchanged pleasantries. I excused myself and went to take a shower. He said he was going home. I walked him to the door, and he hugged me. He pecked me on the cheek and forehead. I was stunned because it was the first time gentleman had ever shown me so much affection. As he left, I felt a shiver for the first time. It was a strange feeling because I thought, “This is the first person who’s been so kind to me in this new place. What does he want from me?” since I wasn’t used to such displays of affection from people I barely knew. But I just ignored it. At that time, I was in a relationship with someone who had already introduced me to his family back home. So I wasn’t thinking about having a relationship here; I just wanted to focus on finishing my studies and having something to do. I would try to move somewhere else later, but here I was, feeling a rush of dopamine down my spine from a complete stranger who was so nice and friendly, and had just given me his jacket when I was cold. It was like watching a movie, but at that moment it was real. Later I discovered that, in Fred’s home country, the way to greet loved ones was with a hug and a kiss.

Later on, I called my friend and explained everything. She said, “Oh, friend, go ahead, this is just a gesture of pure love.” So I knelt down and said, “Oh, Lord, I don’t want to cheat on the person I was in a relationship with at the time, and what does this Fred guy want from me? Please, Lord, don’t let me fall into the wrong hands. I don’t want to be unfaithful in any relationship, but I do want to be faithful.” Looking back, I really was loyal, but there was something about this new guy; his spirit was appealing. I felt a sense of harmony and welcome, and I was optimistic about this new place.

Although, the gentleman I was in a relationship at that point in time was a Christian even though we prayed together before I travelled and we kept in touch daily I still couldn’t understand why my peace left me. I clearly recall the dream I had and in this dream I saw this gentleman with another lady which was strange because he was faithful and honest with me so why the weird dream, then, as I kept seeking God for answers to show me if this guy is the one He has ordained to be my husband I heard within me “let him go and focus on me I will bring your husband to you” I tried to brush it off but whenever I prayed about it, I still heard the same voice within me say “let him go he is not your husband, I have another person for you focus on me” but now I know it was the Lord Jesus speaking to me because He had good plans for me not evil plans although the man was good doesn’t mean he would have been good for me and it could have worked but maybe won’t birth purpose and wouldn’t bring the desired glory to God. I told God during my prayer time that if truly is the Lord asking me to let this gentleman go then, the Lord Himself should be the one to cause us to break up without any problems but let it be done peacefully and let God bless him with a job and a good wife too since he didn’t do anything bad to me but he has be kind to me all through our relationship and God answered my prayers and the relationship ended in a good note. But he asked me before we went our separate ways, if I had found someone in the new place hence the break up I said no but I told him I felt a strong and urgent desire of wanting to focus more on discovering myself and knowing God and I really wanted to please God with my life. I encouraged him to consider leaving the country to study abroad, probably join me where I am, so that he can also see and experience life in a different lens than what he sees life to be. I sent scholarship links to him so that he can apply and join me, he did apply and got positive feedback from schools but he couldn’t follow up with the process and was giving me excuses, right then I knew he wasn’t my future husband because as an go-getting lady I needed a man that is also ambitious about self-improvement. Few days later, he informed me that he got a job and this confirmed that God indeed was ordering my steps and he was not my husband but someone else’s husband. It was a thing of joy when he said he got a new job. Since at that time he was seriously looking for a job and I wanted him to be happy even if I wasn’t going to be in his life anymore and it was great knowing he was gainfully employed.