Gino

Lying on bed, he reached out to the bedside table and took a photo frame with a picture inside. It showed his parents running happily along the seashore and holding eight-year-old Gino’s hands.

He was silent for a long time, looking at the photo.

«Mom, dad, I miss you so much now,» he said quietly. «How I want to hug you, I’m so lonely! I’m tired… The business is going down. Dad, I’m failing. If Caponelli doesn’t give me the money, I’ll lose everything. But that’s not the worst of it. The main thing is that I’m tired of being alone: I fall asleep alone, I wake up alone. I want a family so much. I dream about my home to be filled with love and children’s joyful cries. Mom, remember you said: «When my grandchildren are born, I want to walk with a stroller, babysit my little Ginies and ride them on a steam train around the fountain in the park.» But this never happened, mom… I’m sorry…

«Mommy,» he said, looking out the bedroom window, «You and my father are now in heaven, you see everything and pray for me, I know… I’m grateful for the love and care you surrounded me with all my life. You both gave me so much. I have everything now, but I can lose this «everything’ due to bankruptcy. You know, I’m not really afraid of this. Because why do I need all these benefits for myself if I don’t have the most important thing – family and children?»

Tears literally sprang from his eyes at the last sentence. These were tears that had accumulated over the years.

Having calmed down a little, Gino lay for a long time hugging the photo with his eyes closed.

«What are you missing?!» at some point he heard an inner voice. «You’re whining, whining: family, children. Yes, billions of men would like to be in your place! You can seduce any woman with just one look. There’s no need to give palaces, cars, diamonds, you just need to look into her eyes and take her hands – she’s yours!»

But no, you can’t get enough. You are tormenting yourself in search of true love, evidence of which would be the birth of children!

My dear friend, listen to what I’ll tell you. These married signoras are so naughty; you should see what they do with their lovers when their husbands are not around. And these endless correspondences about secret desires! But, despite this, they still have some thoughts they don’t share even with their lovers.

And just imagine, you meet one like that, fall in love, and she starts cheating on you. Then you find out about it, it’s extremely painful, and you want to break up. But your darling, being very crafty, sheds a sea of tears with pleas for forgiveness, brazing it out as if it was just your imagination. Moreover, with all that feminine tricks, she makes you guilty of this situation, citing a lack of your proper attention and other nonsense. You start feeling guilty and forgive her, and you live happily ever after, until infidelity separates you for some time, and then everything happens again, and again, and again, and many more times in a circle. Pain, pain, pain! That’s what so-called love promises you!

And you? Will you be able to remain faithful? After all, you love «sweets» so much. Think about it!

Well, children always bring with them a feeling of fear for their health, safety, and fate. They are nerve-wracking and will give you sleepless nights till their adulthood, and after adulthood also sleepless days. Think, Gino, do you need these problems?..

And remember: there’s one condition for possessing the gift of hypnosis: if you continue to look for love and find it, you’ll lose this phenomenal opportunity of easy access to beautiful bodies!»

«Yes, your monologue is convincing,» replied Gino firmly. «But I disagree with you on some points. I’m a grown man and this won’t scare me. I’ve had enough of beautiful unwary women, but now it’s not about them, it’s about me. They all disappear from my life right after our intimacy. They don’t care about my feelings, and this hurts my man’s pride. I’m looking for someone who, in response to my feelings, will love me sincerely and so much that there will be no room left for us even to think about cheating. Even if such feelings are rare for our time, I’m going to look for her and find her!»

As for children, I’ll tell you this. If that’s the way the humanity thinks about children, they’ll soon be extinct as a species. From now on, I’m going to ask everyone I seduced about their feelings for me, I’ll keep asking them. I’ll find the truth! Although no, I won’t seduce anyone anymore, I’ll simply talk to women, just talk about love. But from a distance. No more hypnosis. That’s it, I’ve had enough of loneliness!

At that moment, Gino heard a deafening laugh that sounded as if it was in his head.

«Who are you? Shouted Gino. «Show yourself, show yourself!»

The laughter began to intensify. Suddenly Gino woke up in horror and realized that it was a dream. His eyes were watering badly and hurting unbearably. He jumped out of bed and dripped anesthetic into them.

The hands on the clock showed half past one in the morning.

The dream felt like reality. For a few more minutes, the echoes of laughter continued in his head. Finally, awake, Gino lay down on the bed again.

«What a dream!» he thought. Tranquilizers don’t help at all. I wake up five times a night. I need to increase the dosage. I’m so tired of it.»

«I wish I could talk to someone now.»

Gino sighed and, feeling overwhelming urge to talk, decided: «Shall I try to find a common language with Alba? But she’s too young and has never been married. For her, the words family and children probably belong to the category of a distant, bleak future. Okay, I won’t think about it for her. We’ll talk and see.»

Realizing how late it was and that she was most likely asleep, Gino hesitated a while, but nevertheless decisively pressed the call button, inviting Alba for a frank conversation about her feelings.

Chapter 6.

Dialogue with Alba

Alba was very pretty, but insecure and lonely twenty-four years old girl with low self-esteem, and wearing huge awkward glasses. She always dressed in gray, as if to spite the opposite sex. But her rounded body, natural cuteness and plump lips still drew men’s sympathy.

She had an incomplete university degree in psychology. Alba could not graduate from the institute because in disputes with male teachers she had her own point of view on everything. Her hidden complexes used to burst out when it came to her own observations in psychology. She often made scandals and threw tantrums at the teachers. Everyone understood that this could not go on any longer. And one day, in the middle of the third year, Alba was expelled by mutual decision of the higher educational institution’s management.

For her it was a blow not only morally, but also financially. While studying, she received a scholarship and lived in a women’s boarding house at the institute.

Endless ordeals began in search of work and housing. That was followed by attempts to open her own psychologist’s office, but, alas, clients could not stand her «original» methods, they often didn’t show up for the second session.

The time came when she had nothing to eat and no money to pay her rent. So she applied to a staffing agency for domestic work. At the interview, Alba made every effort to disguise her temper and was able to do so quite successfully. She was accepted.

She quickly settled into the routine and got used to the status of a servant, because it was a stable income and the roof of a luxurious house over her head. From the first days, Alba showed herself as a clean, tidy, order-loving girl even in small things. She was indeed almost obsessed with cleanliness, terrified of dust and dirt.

Gino liked that. They were even a little alike in their pursuit of sterility. She had been working for him for six months.

When she heard the bell, which Gino used to summon her, Alba went up to the second floor and, opened the tall, massive door smoothly, and entered the bedroom with a haughty look of a senorita from a noble family.

Trying on this role, she had a feeling of a «proudish bossiness.» Although, in fact, it was just a mask covering the nature of an immature girl in the search for herself.

«Yes, Signor. Did you call me?» she asked coldly and deliberately.

He gazed at her for a while.

«Sorry for waking you up,» said Gino quietly. «This may not seem like a good time. But we need to talk.

«It’s okay, Signor. What exactly do you want to talk about?»

«Alba, I want to ask you something. Your answer is important to me!»

«Yes, of course, sir. Ask me.»

«Just be honest with me! Fine?»

«Yes, I’ll try.»

«So… Have you ever experienced a feeling for a man, similar to strong affection, like a longing to be together forever? That feeling that everyone so enthusiastically calls love! Or something?..»

He paused for a moment to find the right words.

«I think I understand what you want to talk about,» Alba suddenly interrupted his pause. «In fact, this is a sensitive subject for me. That’s why I don’t like all these sentiments and so on. But okay, I’ll be honest with you,» she continued in an arrogant tone.

«I remember when I was little. My dad would often come home at night, drunk, with traces of lipstick on his shirt. My mom would meet him and ask him where he’d been and who he’d been with. He sent her to hell and used his fists. Then he would go to bed as if nothing had happened, and she would sit sobbing like an idiot in the corner of the kitchen.

I asked her once. If she loved my father. Who couldn’t even be called a father. He never cuddled me, never hugged me. Well, I don’t remember his care and affection. I can’t remember! So, she said: of course, I love him, my daughter!

What kind of love is there to talk about?! It’s just an addiction and nothing more! But many people live in such a nightmare. As a family psychologist, albeit with little experience, I «ve heard similar stories quite often.

Now, years later, I have a question for all women who allow themselves to be humiliated like this: how can you love despots like my daddy and others like him?! Most likely, women do this not from a great mind!.. But my mom, as she thought, loved him. And that’s why she forgave him everything! And then one day he just didn’t come home. Disappeared, vanished. She was worried and couldn’t find piece. Calling friends, looking for him. And a few days later, a close friend of hers admitted that she’d been dating him for a long time. And daddy was living with her. That’s how it happens… In one fell swoop, love and friendship were gone.

Then my stepdad came into my life. He was a real asshole. One day he opened the door to the apartment where we lived, completely naked. He nonchalantly said hello and locked himself in his room. I was super creeped out and I even threw up. I didn’t tell my mom anything. But it kept happening more and more often. Every time I was disgusted with his behavior. From that time on, I became wary of men.»

Alba was speaking of her stepfather with contempt. Staring intently at Gino at the same time.

Gino even thought she was addressing her speech to him.

«Later, when I was fifteen, I met a very handsome boy from a neighboring street, his name was Michael. I realized that I liked him very much, and came to my mother to tell her about it. Mom listened to me and answered very harshly, and it wasn’t what I wanted to hear at all: «Daughter, I «ve lived a long life, and I know for sure that this is your first love. Sorry, my girl, but you must remember that men are polygamous and he’ll leave you when he meets another one. And then, a new man will appear in your life and he will love you, but you will be cold towards him.»

Mom told me about her life with my dad and stepfather. It made my blood run cold, I was scared, but she continued trying to protect me from suffering: «Alba, I can’t give you a good advice what to do. I know one thing, if you are more unapproachable and cautious, your relationship may last longer. Learn not to lose your head over a man. I want you to be much happier than I am!»

I’ve had several men in my life. And they’re all gone. They all just used me. Now, years later, I understand what my mom meant. That’s why I just want to be alone now.»

Gino suddenly felt uncomfortable with the fact that he had already seduced Alba several times with his hypnosis. Even though, on the other hand, he knew, that despite the fact that respect for women in Italy is instilled in boys from childhood, a man’s nature is stronger. And women love men’s dominance over them. Of course, in case a woman has a sense of security coming from a man. But, what Alba had told him was a revelation.

«Alba, tell me, do you have feelings for me?» asked Gino with hope in his voice, but somehow with a bit of skepticism. «But tell me the truth, even if I may not like it!»

«To tell you the truth, just like that?» Alba got excited.

Gino became concerned.

«Well, actually, yes. As it is.»

«OK, if you insist, I’ll be honest!

You are always so cold and arrogant looking at me like I’m nothing. I’m just a servant to you. Part of the interior, nothing more. You’re asking how I feel about you?! Absolutely nothing, a vacuum! You use me, just like everyone else did. You use me because I’m helpless. You sleep with me whenever you want, as if I’m a call girl. But I am a person! I don’t understand why I don’t refuse you. I don’t feel anything for you at all. Sometimes you burn me with a sexual passion which I can’t control. I don’t know why. In fact, probably I sleep with you because I’m afraid of losing my job.

With a smirk on her face she stood up and headed towards the door.

«Please, don’t fire me,» she suddenly stopped before leaving. «I just couldn’t keep quite any longer, especially since you wanted to hear the truth. As my stepfather – a drunken poet, as he called himself, and a pervert and alcoholic in fact, used to say: «Emotions are a luxury, that sometimes even emperors cannot afford. Especially those emotions that are caused by Her Majesty the Bitter Truth.»

Although, if you fire me, I won’t be too upset. There’s always a senior who wants to take in a young lady. But I don’t want that either. To be honest, it makes me sick!»

All that was so sudden that stunned Gino became angry at what he had heard, and wanted to shout after her: «You need a psychiatrist! Drama queen!» But he dismissed the idea, realizing that it was his anger speaking. He held back because it was clear: Alba was being used by men, including himself. That’s why she’s so embittered.

He decided to change from within, realizing that it was not about women, but about himself…

Chapter 7.

Fireplace

When Alba left, Gino got out of bed, changed into a robe, and went down to the dining room. He went to the refrigerator, took out a piece of cold rare beef steak. He cut it up and began to eat it, washing it down with warm red wine.

There was dead and, at the same time, deafening in its constancy silence in the house.

Having finished his dinner, he wiped his lips with a white cotton napkin, tossed it carelessly on the table and headed for the living room.

It was a large empty room with a minimalist design and not an ounce of coziness. Opposite the fireplace there were two bowl-like, dark red armchairs, made in the futuristic style of the 60s, with unnaturally high and narrow backs. The fireplace, on the other hand, was made in the form of a gate with two cast-iron wings and a semicircular arch at the top. It was about four meters high and three meters wide. The left wing was always slightly ajar. There was a huge broken lock on the floor, which, as Gino thought, symbolized the detabooing prohibitions with the goal of tasting the fruits of a sinful life. Inside, figures in the form of sinners, burning in hell, were carved in stone above the flames. Due to the play of light and shadow from the fire, the characters literally came to life. Some of them looked so terrifying and realistic that it seemed one could hear their gut-wrenching screams.

Gino entered the living room, went to the bar, took out a bottle of whiskey, poured some alcohol and added ice. Then, with an elegant gesture, opened a box of cigars, lit one, and with a full glass in his hands headed towards the fireplace.

The lights in the living room were dimmed, which added a feeling of loneliness in the large hall. He turned on «Requiem,» a masterpiece written by Mozart shortly before the composer’s death, and went closer to the fireplace.

First, Gino went to the coffee table near the armchairs, put down the glass, and, having rested the cigar in the ashtray, put his hands in the pockets of his silk robe. He took a few steps towards the fireplace, peering at the eerie images. His heart started pounding. He stretched his hands toward the flame, squatted and started looking at the fire. Bringing them very close, Gino tried to overcome the pain and endure as much as he could. His eyes reflected fear and the light of the flame. Feeling that he was badly burned, he yanked his hands, pursing his lips in pain. His eyes sparkled with anger because he couldn’t control the pain. Abruptly he stood up and staggered back, looked at the table, took the whiskey and drank it all at once. Gino took a drag off his cigar and exhaled the smoke, then settled comfortably in his chair. When he calmed down a little, he looked at the large painting «The Game» by the Russian artist Alexander Kulikov, hanging to the right of the fireplace. It was the same painting, the subject of which would later run through his mind a moment before he lost his balance and plunged off a cliff into the sea.

As he looked at the characters playing with death over the abyss, he associated himself either with an indifferent audience or with a desperate fool risking his life for fun. But at the same time, they all evoked some kind of contempt in him. He started reflecting on the characters in the picture: on the one hand, Gino’s self-criticism helped to find their flaws in himself, but, on the other hand, his high self-esteem yelled: «No, no, you’re not like them!»

Still, he somehow didn’t really want to be a rascal or a fool like the characters depicted there.

At the same time, it was interesting what prompted the main character to put on a blindfold and take a risk of his life at the edge of a cliff.

«Maybe he lost a bet?» thought Gino. «Or maybe he owed something and didn’t pay it back. Or maybe they all, taking turns putting on the blindfold, are recklessly playing Blind Man’s Bluff with fate, driven by greed. Fighting for some cash prize that will go to the only survivor.

***

After graduation from the Italian Institute of Foreign Trade, where Gino went at his father’s insistence, every year the feeling that the restaurant business and service sector were not his things was becoming more and more intense. And in general, the word «business’ was associated exclusively with the word duty. He allowed the thought, if not entirely of abandoning the restaurant business, then at least of combining the management of a company with his calling to be a writer. After all, this was what he had dreamt of from a young age.

At the same time, the inherited business had literally grown into an essential part of his nature over many years. And therefore it did not cause feelings of hatred or rejection. He was just determined to do what his soul was really drawn to.

Thanks to his mother, who was a philologist, in his youth Gino immersed in reading different types of literature, from the classics to the avant-garde, and either was thrilled to bits or disappointed amid internal conflicts from what he read. In the process of exploring new horizons in books, he was inspired by the idea of becoming a writer himself. The craving for something big and monumental in his inner world played the role of a blinding dream. In the rosy ideas about poetry and philosophy, which he believed imbued exclusively with the spirit of freedom, in his opinion, there was no place for academicism. So he sometimes wrote down only fragments of unfinished thoughts in his notebook, thinking that the most important thing was the essence, and he could return to the details and logical conclusion later.

Years passed and then, as a mature thirty-six-year-old man, Gino looked at life and at the contents of books, in a different way. The clear boundaries between what someone else wrote and his own perception of what he had read did not leave him indifferent. Still studying philosophy, religious, scientific and fiction literature, he tried to transfer the acquired knowledge into his reality.

***

Gino was sitting and deliberating: «How many wise insights can be drawn from the right books. But how much of puffed up twaddle and water are poured onto the pages by the authors who write in order to fill up their bank account. I’m not allowed to start writing at their level and at the same time lie for the sake of material gain. No, everything that I’ve learned from books and my life, I’ll write down on paper, not trying to adjust to the trends of a volatile society. When I become a writer, I will defend my soul impulses of albeit a subjective, but unique and comprehending perspective. Although, in pursuit of the same originality, one must remember the true goals, which are by no means new and often generally accepted.

Yes, sometimes it’s so difficult to transfer the fruits of knowledge from books into your everyday life without turning into a boring skeptic. And vice versa, not become that one by trying on the role of a philosopher when you begin to share your thoughts with your reader.

I’m sure my life experience is unique. But the question is: how dare I tell about myself in my first work? Namely, about a hypnotist who seduces women. I’ll probably have to add that the character is my unspoken prototype and is fictional. Let it remain a mystery to the reader whether such a person really existed, or whether he was just the author’s fantasy. It’s decided! I have to start writing my own novel.»

Gino took a few puffs of his cigar and, putting it back in the ashtray, stood up and walked to another painting called «Multi-faced anticipation,» that was hanging on the left of the fireplace. It was also painted by the artist Alexander Kulikov. It depicted the faces of people with ugly disproportions in cubist style that symbolized not-so-great society of the world around us. But at the very top of the picture there was a face, more harmonious than all the others, hands, joined in a circle, and a baby in the middle of these gentle hands. The one who was on top of the baby symbolized a caring father who protected his child from the outside world.

«Dad, I remember you told me,» Gino whispered as he approached the painting, «that when you bought this painting from your friend Alexander, you thought it was your mission to take care of me and give me a better life, shielding me from trouble and suffering. But now, instead, I’d give up a lot of material things to have a family and children in my life, whom I would protect, just as you once protected me. Dad, how long do I have to wait? You see how lonely I am. Why are women so cold towards me?! I don’t understand. I can’t do this anymore!»

Looking at the picture, Gino squinted thoughtfully and exhaled tensely. He turned towards the chairs, took a step, turned around again, and looked at it. Then he went up to the table, took an empty glass, and headed towards the bar.

Having filled it almost to the brim, he drank it all, and, suddenly getting angry, smashed it onto the floor with all his might.

«Why me?!» he shouted furiously. «What did I do wrong?! Why am I lonely?! How many people get married and divorced? They give birth to children and leave them in the lurch! And all I want is to meet true love. Make a strong family and raise my children. What should I do to stop women disappearing from my life?! I want to raise my children!»

Tears sprang from his eyes.

«I just want to wake up not alone, but in the arms of my beloved,» he continued talking to himself, whispering and crying. «To hear the joyful screams of my kids running around this huge house. To sing them a lullaby, kiss, hug and play with them.»

«I can’t go on like this!» shouted Gino again. «What should I do?! Where’s the way out?!