TIDA

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Karlygash, Kanat, help yourselves. Why aren’t you eating anything? Isn’t it tasty, your grandma cooked it for you? Oh, our grandkids have grown… I have noticed it right away. Especially our Kanat has changed. Karlygash, what are your achievements at school? And still, you’ve made the right decision to come here. The sea will be very helpful for children,– saying that, Mereke’s father moved some plates with treats to his grandkids.

– 

Yeah, of course, dad. The kids have grown. Unfortunately, time flies. Dad, how are you doing yourselves? Does anything bother you? Mom told me on the phone that you are suffering from backache. You don’t tell me anything. Just mom tells me something from time to time. And still involuntarily. Let me give you a massage tomorrow. Deal, dad? Karlygash, Kanat if you are done eating, let’s go, I’ll make beds for you and you’ll have a rest,– she said looking at her sleepy children.

She got up and hugged her father.

– 

Mereke, I’d like to show you something,– said her mom and got up walking to the furthest room.

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Sure. What’s that, mom? Muhit, I’ll be right back, and put kids into beds right away,– she said following her mother.

– 

Mereke, I’m sorry for asking you away from the table. Let the men talk face to face. Recently your father’s changed much. He always raises the topic of his grandson. Muhit is a doctor and his opinion means much to him. Let them talk. Okay, Mereke?,– she took her by the hand.

– 

Sure, mom. I got you right away. I understand all of you. How about me, mom? Seeing my son this way and realizing that his condition won’t change in the future. I understand that it’s hard to see him this way to you as well… Why do I have this retribution, mom? I can’t even imagine my son’s future. Mom, I’m scared of this unknown future,– told her Mereke sadly.

– 

Mereke, it’s wrong! We have to accept life as it was given to us. Always thank God and don’t you dare to complain! You are stronger than any other one. I am your mother and I know how hard it’s been for you. If you don’t want us to be offended by you, don’t complin about your fate. It is a challenge, daughter. And all of us will get it through with dignity. Whatever happens, we are next to you, my girl. Is it so, Mereke?,– eager to hear the proof, her mother looked her in the eye. Yes mom, you are right. I am not complaining, these are just emotions breaking… Yes, of course, I feel Muhit’s got my back and I am infinitely happy about it. I know, mom. What you wanted to tell me. And whatever happens, I’d like to tell you one thing. I’m happy with my wonderful husband, next to my wonderful children,– she said, adjusting her dress.

– 

That’s good then. Okay. We’ll talk about it later about it again. Mereke, which room are you taking? Go ahead and get settled. I will make a bed for Muhit here, on the couch. He is probably exhausted by the journey. Mereke, take the bedsheets here in the wardrobe. I’m going then. Good night to you all, my dear. She kissed her grandkids and daughter, and she left them.

– 

Left alone, Mereke’s father wanted to ask Muhit for details. Trying to formulate his questions well, he decided to raise questions about his grandson first.

– 

Muhit, tell me about yourself. I’m sorry that I’m not letting you rest now. How’s everything? How’s your job going? Kanat’s grown and I’m glad for all of you. Soon he’ll become a big boy. How’s his treatment going?,– asked Muhit, his father-in-law with a sigh.

– 

I have no major changes. I still have the same job. We are working hard, as it’s said. The hospital moved to a new building built by the city. We are getting used to it now… Yeah, I agree, Kanat is not the same. And yes, I understand that you’d like to learn some details about him. We’ve never talked about this yet. What shall I say… I don’t even know. First of all, cerebral palsy is a set of disorders which affect human ability to move and hold a spine. Most importantly, I’ d like to mark right away, it’s a problem of condition concerning the brain. It comes from the word “cerebral”. And “palsy” means troubles with muscle control and it leads to the weakness of the whole body. Manifestations of this disorder are different and undoubtedly they correspond to the severity of condition of the kid who suffers from this disorder. Shorty, the help will be necessary throughout the whole lifetime period. Until the ability of walking independently, even using special tools, in the future. Well why would I tell you all of this? But on the other hand I know gow loving you are to your beloved grandson. We are trying to treat him as best we can. I suspect that Kanat has an atactic form. These words, of course, are not telling you anything. It is a disorder of balance and coordination. They are expressed by problems while walking and fast movement or action which needs to be controlled and needs concentration. I’ve been studying kinesiotherapy

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for this case. I might say that I’m already done with it. Of course, we were taught this at university but it is forgotten with the time. Actually it is a massage, medical physical education and usage of special medical equipment. Speaking in simple words, it is a simple bandaging, however obvious it might sound. I am trying to get into the problem deeper and learn different materials. My friend and colleague, Pasha, recently puzzled me. I never even thought about not becoming isolated and searching for answers for my questions outside. And his simple advice was like a cold shower for me… From his words, as he claims, there are some authorial complex integral methods of rehabilitation. There is acupuncture and many other methods. Don’t be scared of such complex definitions. Actually, everything I'm telling you seems to be simple. If, of course, you want to understand. Oh, I’m so sorry I didn’t have to think about it earlier. Although I’ll try to find something best for my son. By the way, we are not here for nothing. I forgot to tell you that there is an aqua therapy

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which takes place in special places and pools. That is why I want to check the effect of his contact with water, staying here. Because the sea is not a pool… Mereke and I were happy for such a chance. I hope that our staying here will do good for us. Because children have a very high potential of their brains and the treatment of cerebral palsy should be started as soon as possible in our case. Definitely I don’t lose my heart. I know it’s a hard work but I’m not scared of it. Well, okay, why am I talking only about myself. How are you doing? Weren’t you suffering because of your knees? I brought you one gel which will definitely help. By the way, where are our bags?,– asked Muhit. He looked around, got up quickly and started looking through his found road bag.

– 

Thank you son. Thank you for telling me a lot. My worries have calmed down a little when I listened to you. Even if I’m not a specialist, I understand you like anyone else. Just tell me and I will do what I can, Muhit. I really wish God will make your plans true and give my grandson back to the others… So he can laugh and run like any other child. How tough is life sometimes. Leave that gel, go lie down. You are tired of your journey. You’ll show it tomorrow. Son, I’m glad for you that you are in your search and let Allah give you everything you are seeking for. Now I can understand the way you feel. How much work you have ahead. I will pray for you, son,– sadly said Mereke’s father. He took out of his pocket a handkerchief and wiped off his tears.

Muhit looked at him and said quietly:

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No, it’s here. We will read a manual together tomorrow. I will try to explain everything there in simple words. Thank you for your sincere wishes and for listening to me. I cannot tell much to Mereke. She is a mother and reacts to my explanations badly. And what can I tell her? Do you understand me? Good night to you then, dad,– he told his father-in-law and noticed that he was upset by their conversation.

He turned off the light in the hallway, set himself on the couch comfortably and before falling asleep he wanted to feel happiness for him and his family. He felt that an upcoming meeting with the sea will help them for sure. That the sea with its salty waters will affect his son in a good way.

He was thinking about it again and again swaying in his dreams until sleep got him in its tight embrace.

In the morning he heard some noise next to him and a murmur. He opened his eyes slowly and saw Mereke and Karlygash next to him. Mereke was murmuring something to her daughter and both of them were setting dishes on the table carefully. Karlygash put something wrong and dropped the plate on the floor and cowering in fear and looking at the sleeping besides her father. She didn’t want to wake him up that much that her frozen pose scared her mother. Muhit opened his eyes smiled and winked at her.

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Daughter, why are you so clumsy? You’ll wake up your dad,– Mereke said outrageously.

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Mereke, everything’s fine, don’t blame her. Well, good morning to you!,– he said stretching and getting up.

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Dad, how are you? Good morning to you! I knew you were not sleeping. I noticed a movement of your eyelids,– said Karlygash, smiling.

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My daughter is very attentive. It’s not good to sleep long… Wow, how comfortable that couch is. You sleep in it and see everything. Karlygash, come here, I’ll give you a kiss, a little mom’s helper,– he kissed her and let her go back and help her mom.

– 

Darling, how did you rest? Lay down some more time until everything is ready. Or have you slept enough?.– asked him Mereke, wiping the table with a wet tissue.

– 

Of course, my beauty. And I’m still glad that we decided to come here. Aktau is an unusual city. The city is appealing with its sea and magnificence. Mereke, how’s your mood? I see in your eyes that you are happy to be close to your parents. Aren’t you?,-he asked his wife, still looking at the window.

– 

Sure, my darling,– she answered shortly, came up to him and hugged him from behind.

– 

I am glad right now as ever. And I want it to always be this way. I hope everything will be fine for us,– he patted her palms,not turning around.

– 

I’m also glad as ever, darling. Thank you for all of this. Thank you for finally having a chance to enjoy these places together, as a family. I would like to show the most special ones. I hope we will be able to find some time for that. And how about my parents, don’t you think they are happy as well? They are the ones who will not find the place in delight because we are here… Of course, their happiness is special, isn’t it, Muhit?

, she asked him not letting him go.

– 

How could I not agree with you, love? What do we have for breakfast?, asked Muhit.

– 

We will start our meal in a couple of moments, darling. My mom has been making something since early morning. Something tasty. Do you smell it?,– she asked him, smiling, still hugging.

– 

Have you been snuggling since an early morning, my sweethearts? How are you doing, son? Was it comfy here? Perhaps, I should have made your bed in some other place, Muhit? Have you had enough sleep? Let’s sit at the table, kids. Where are my sweet grandkids? If they are still sleeping, let them sleep. Mereke, where is your father?,– she asked, putting in the middle of the table huge pieces of fried fish with sauce.

She questioned her daughter eith a glance.

– 

My mouth is watering. Everything looks amazing, mom. I can’t wait to try it all. I’m going to rinse my face. I can even say I’m running as fast as I can,– his words made both of them smile.

After having breakfast in an unrushed manner, Muhit offered Mereke to walk down the river bank. The sun and the coastal views were making them happy. Cleaning the table up as fast as possible, Mereke was already dressing Kanat up. Karlygash was rarely looking at her mom, listening to her grandma and nodding.

The road to the bank took a little time. A light sea breeze was rolling small waves to the bank restlessly. The sea and the bank were as if dove-friends cooing, murmuring about something important to each other. As if they were saying something sweet and tender to each other. Just sometimes, seagulls were disturbing them, trying to disrupt their invisible secret conversation. Everything around was surrounded by fresh and mild sea wind. Even the steppe with its sands was trying to inhale this breath of life with its chest exhausted of heat. Although local sands as infinite witnesses of the gone days of their friend the Sea, “were silent gloomy and kept its intimate secrets…”

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Dad, mom, we would like to have a swim. Can we, mom?,– suddenly asked Karlygash, trying hard to keep her little brother away from water.

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Kids, the water is not warm enough yet. Let’s come here after lunch, I know one really beautiful place here.

Is

that

a deal?,– replies Mereke a little angrily.

She looked around and tried to pull her closer.

– 

Your mom is saying the right thing,

kids. Shouldn’t you be better prepared? Mereke let’s move out of here. I would like to show this lighthouse to our kids. Some time ago your father told me some stories about it. I think kids might find them interesting as well. Let me put Kanat on my shoulders and he will be our real lighthouse, looking down at

everyone,– he said while setting his son on his shoulders so fast that he didn’t have enough time to react. Muhit looked at his wife and burst into laughter. The walk was great just as they’d expected. Emotions after the morning walk around the beach settled down. Children were already tired and emptied their cold drinks, wishing to lay down and rest.

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Well, kids, did your parents exhaust you with their walk?,– seeing them tired asked their grandma.

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Grandma, I saw a lighthouse…,– said Kanat in a tired but vain manner.

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Isn’t it great, Kanat? I’m your grandma and you should always tell me about everything that you like,love,– replied cheerfully his grandma and gave him a little sweet.

– 

It’s actually good that you walked down the coast. Local air is curing, Muhit. It’s not just good that you came but also that you didn’t leave your kids back in Kyzylorda,– added Mereke’s father, trying to adjust tv’s antenna.

– 

Mereke, let me rest before teatime. Please hand me that pillow, darling,– Muhit stretched his arm, addressing Mereke.

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Sure, darling. You all should have a rest. I will go and help my mom,– she said to Muhit, giving him the nearest pillow and running quickly to the kitchen.

On the next day Muhit and his family went to the beach. There was great weather just like the day before. Small, warm sea waves were rolling, calming the consciousness down.

Mereke was messing around with Kanat. She walked him to the sea after getting him ready quickly. Muhit took Kanat’s other hand and all of them dived into the sea cheerfully. Karlygash was already standing there covered in water by her waistline and met them with splashes. Kanat replied to her with the same splashes. He was happy and glowing.

– 

Mereke, there are stones nearby. They are slippery. Be careful. Don’t let Karlygash, children, climb them… I will be right back, darling. I will walk to the car and come back. I want to take a photo as a memory. Darling, look after Kanat. Don’t you see he is trying to free?,– he said that walking out of water and still watching them, he walked to the car.

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Yes, darling, I’ll watch them,– she replied and continued to splash their children.

Having spent some time by the car, Muhit raised his head and heard a scream for help coming from the water. He couldn’t believe his eyes and ears. Mereke was holding their son in water and screaming and crying loudly.

– 

Mereke, get him out of water, Mereke, watch for his heart rate. Is it there?,– Muhit dropped everything and ran to his wife, screaming.

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Muhit, I never let him out of my hands. I didn’t notice that stone, darling.

Kanat, say something, breathe, love,– sobbing said Mereke.

– 

The heart rate is faint, it’s hard to palpate, Mereke. We need to call an emergency, love. He got hit in the occipital part of the brain. Oh, yes, we have a car… I’ll get him to the hospital. Don’t panic, Mereke. We have to get through… Take Karlygash and got home with her. I will go to the hospital.– he said so and put his son carefully at the backseat of the car and went to the city center.

He came to the hospital quickly and gave his son to the doctors . He stayed there to wait for the results of the prior examination and talk to the doctors. After some time the doctor walked up to Muhit and, looking through his notes, decided to check out:

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Our nurse told us that you were our colleague. I will tell you directly. Your son has a fracture of the skull base. I suppose that there is a dislocation of the brain

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. It all happened because of the inner-brain bleeding or swelling of brain which might have created some pressure, pressing the brain to the bottom of the skull. I had a chance to call for a specialist and told him that we conducted a physical examination in order

to state the severity of the injury. We need urgent surgery. The sooner we conduct it, the safer your son will be. You have to understand me and we understand you as well. With all our desire we cannot let you be present at the surgery…. There is a vast wound, pressed bone of the occipital bone of the skull. Perhaps there might be bleeding into the brain and all connected with those consequences. Unfortunately, as your colleague, I can only say that now. Now, if you give permission, we will be preparing a room for surgery. We cannot slow down! Do you understand what I am talking about? I can only advise you not to lose your heart. We will do everything possible… The surgery will be held by an experienced kids surgeon. I will assist him,– said the surgeon, disturbing from his notes on the last phrase, looking at him over his glasses.

Muhit felt something cold coming from him and looked his speaker in the eye and decided to ask him for something.

– 

Yes I clearly understand what is going on. But ain’t I a doctor?! Let me be present at the surgery with you. I will only observe,– begged Muhit.

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Yes, of course, I’ll give my agreement. The child is suffering from cerebral palsy,– the doctor looked at him with an empty glance,looking at him and then back, he went further on and hushed.

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We will do everything possible. Don’t worry. We will do everything possible… I am sorry but I have already told you my vision about your presence at this surgery,– he said it circling his shoulders with his arms, asked for somebody and quickly went away from him.

The surgery lasted for two hours. Mereke was trying to be absent-minded and praying, not letting his hand go. Her eyes were full of tears but the presence of her husband calmed her a little. Muhit was silent, trying to imagine the outcome of surgery warily. He was trying to imagine everything which seemed to be far and alien for him till now… Everything but not this nightmare which happened to his family at one time, this grief.

The time on the clock, frozen as if made of stone, hands, didn’t dare to move further. After two hours doctors came up to them and told him that the surgery was complicated but still went well. They stood up next to him for a little while and went away. Muhit saw how tired they were and decided not to ask them for details. They were not important to him now. He wanted to learn them for himself in a couple of days. When all worries were supposed to fade away a little and his son would get, at least a little, better. He was still worried inside and looked at his wife, trying to find the most proper words to comfort her.

– 

Mereke, you heard everything. I will stay here. You go home. Calm them all down. He is probably still in the intensive care room sleeping. Go home, darling. You’ve heard what the doctors said. We only have to pray to God and ask him to give strength to our boy to fight,-he looked at her patting her arm.

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But how would I leave, darling? I want to stay next to you, Muhit. I feel guilty. Can I explain the way it happened, darling?,– she begged in a quiet voice.

– 

Don’t tell me anything, Mereke. Especially at this moment… Is it the right moment for us to explain to each other? Let Kanat be awaken. Let him get better. I am still worried inside just as you are, Mereke.

It obviously was a complicated and urgent surgery.

He was still going through some details frantically in his mind. He still couldn’t calm his mind. It was noticed because he was struggling to choose the right words for Mereke. Painful hours have passed without giving any good news about Kanat’s condition. After waiting, Muhit decided to find the right moment and ask the nurse about the doctors who were operating his son. At this very moment the doctors appeared at the hallway. One of the doctors who talked to him before was also there. They met each other’s looks and he decided to come up to him again. Making a deliberate pause, he addressed him again:

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I explained to you the way the surgery had gone. I’ve just walked out of the intensive therapy room. You have to understand that your son is under anesthesia. I shouldn’t tell you that at the beach the boy got a fracture on his skull which led to all consequences, indeed. You saw it and had to diagnose it right the way. The skull bone was opened and some of the bone parts were removed. I was afraid of the risk of brain swelling and bleeding of your son. Mostly, the purpose of our involvement was to prevent the risk of post traumatic inflammation of brain membranes of your child. Of course you understand that the concept of post-traumatic stress is connected with the future… Whoever it is, and us, as well, we try hard to get a positive outcome of the conducted surgery. I think you understand it yourself. Doctors are still here but soon they’ll be gone… Would you like to talk to them? Let me invite that kids’ surgeon,– he said with his eyes tired.

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I understand that now everything is in God’s hands… I also want to hope that his body will fight… Let us not lose our hearts and hope for the best,– added he and he looked at his watch and started looking for a nurse in a desire to leave.

– 

Yes, I would like to speak to that neurosurgeon. Thank you for your kind words, colleague. I need to ask him about the severity of my boy’s condition. Each nuance of the surgery is important to me. I’m not a neurosurgeon but you still have to understand my condition. I speak more as a father of this child than a doctor here. Can I at least look at my son? Even if he is still under anesthesia.

Both of them went to the staffroom. After he came back from there, he tried to explain everything to his wife Mereke in simple words. She listened to everything firmly and after her husband ended his narration, she cuddled him up and cried quietly.

– 

Why are we going through this, darling? Does God really want to take away our son? Tell me, Muhit, don’t be silent,– she said in a worried trembling voice.

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It’s all given to us as a challenge, Mereke. I only hope for the best… Hope that our son will fight for his life. So you also have to pray for Kanat’s health. Okay, darling? And don’t you dare to think about anything bad, sweetheart,– he said, patting her hands.