Bad Blood

Then he paused and looked at the glittering trophy in his hand. Silence fell, as if everyone sensed that the obligatory thanks were over and that he was about to say something meaningful.

‘I dedicate this Sapphire to my mother, Carrie.’ His voice didn’t waver and he spoke directly into the camera that was circling the front of the stage. ‘Carrie, you are a beautiful, special woman and you always told me that one day your son Nathaniel was going to win a Sapphire. Well, you were right. I won. This is mine.’ He held it high, a strange smile playing around his mouth. ‘Maybe when you look at this on your mantelpiece, you’ll think of me.’

Katie heard a quiet sob come from a woman in the row behind her. A man cleared his throat.

To the rest of the world it sounded like a simple dedication, but Katie understood the true message behind those words. Finally she understood what Nathaniel was trying to do.

He was hoping that seeing him holding the Sapphire would trigger something in his mother’s brain. He was hoping it was going to be enough to make her remember that he was her son.

Tears poured down her cheeks and she brushed them away quickly, realising that the cameras might be on her.

Nathaniel left the stage to even louder applause and Katie gave him a wobbly smile as he sat down next to her, expecting to see pride in his eyes. Instead his face had a greyish tinge and those famous blue eyes were empty.

‘That was beautiful.’ She covered his hand with hers. ‘Will she be watching?’

‘Yes. It’s ridiculously late in England but she insists on watching the Sapphire ceremony every year. She even dresses up for it.’

A confused, lonely woman getting ready to watch the world-famous ceremony on a television.

Katie blinked rapidly. ‘Well, you’ve made her night.’

He didn’t respond and suddenly she wished they could just go home right now so that she could try and get him to talk to her. Instead they sat through the rest of the ceremony and then moved on to the Sapphire Ball.

Sparkling chandeliers sent a cascade of light over the decorated tables, the room a mixture of contemporary elegance and glamour. Nathaniel was immediately surrounded by people wanting to soak up his success and Katie found herself pushed back to the fringe of the group.

Wondering how anyone could feel invisible and conspicuous at the same time, she hovered. The falseness of the situation made her uncomfortable and she realised that this was why Nathaniel chose to hide himself. You couldn’t be real here, could you? These people didn’t want real—they wanted the dream.

She was wondering whether to pay an extended visit to the bathroom, when a man with a friendly smile approached.

‘You must be Katie.’ He extended his hand. ‘Howard Kennington.’

Still worrying about Nathaniel, it took Katie a moment to register that she was in the presence of movie royalty. ‘Oh …’ She felt tense and awkward. ‘Nathaniel said that he’d sent you my drawings, but—’

‘They’re awesome. As is that dress you’re wearing. Even Alicia is impressed and she’s one hard nut to crack.’ He drew her to one side and questioned her about her ideas and soon Katie was deep in conversation, talking non-stop as she spilled out a lifetime of dreams.

‘Sorry.’ Eventually she ground to a halt. ‘I’ve gone on and on—’

‘It’s been most illuminating. You don’t hide much, do you?’

‘Nothing.’ Katie turned scarlet. ‘But I’m trying to change.’

‘Don’t. It makes you unique and it’s hard to find anything unique in Tinseltown. You have real talent. As does Nathaniel.’

The famous producer smiled and they talked for another twenty minutes and when he gave her his card and invited her to meet both him and Alicia the following week, Katie felt her spirits soar. Howard

Kennington liked her work. It was more than a dream. It was a fantasy. Never in a million years had she ever thought she’d have this sort of luck. It was all she could do not to squeal with joy.

If she could prove herself, she could be working as a costume designer on movies.

Virtually dancing across the floor, she went in search of Nathaniel, wanting to thank him and share her excitement.

She found him alone in a room used for press interviews.

He was sprawled on the red sofa, eyes closed. His bow tie dangled loose around his neck and his jacket was slung carelessly over the arm of a nearby chair. The coveted Sapphire lay at his feet on the floor.

‘You look completely wrecked.’ Deciding that this wasn’t the time to tell him her good news, Katie walked over to him. ‘Do you want to go home?’

‘Are you kidding? The party is just getting started.’ His eyes opened and she saw instantly that he was well on his way to being drunk. ‘I won a Sapphire.’

‘I know—’

‘And with any luck, my mother might finally figure out who I am.’ Decades of hurt shimmered in those words and Katie felt her heart break in two as she saw his mouth curve into the familiar mocking smile.

‘Nathaniel—’

‘Don’t look at me with those big, sympathetic eyes. Life sucks, angel.’ His eyes shone hard and cynical. ‘You should know that by now. But you’re still hoping, aren’t you? You’re still dreamy enough to be looking out for that happy ending.’

‘I think sometimes you have to work on the happy ending.’ She eyed the bottle of champagne that lay empty on the floor next to him.

Ever since his plane had touched down in LA, he’d been under the most enormous pressure. And then the emotional turmoil of winning the Sapphire …

‘Your speech was—’ she took a deep breath ‘—it was beautiful, Nathaniel. And I know how tough this whole thing must be for you.’ Katie sat down next to him. ‘Do you want to talk?’

‘No. Absolutely not.’ His eyes glittering like jewels, he slid his hand behind her head and pulled her mouth down to his. ‘There are lots of things I want to do tonight, but talking is definitely not one of them.’

Katie tried to ignore the flash of sexual excitement. No, she thought desperately. Physically he was pulling her close, but emotionally he was pushing her away.

‘Nathaniel—’ she dragged her mouth from his ‘—you can’t just run from this.’

‘Do I look as though I’m running?’ With a smooth, practised movement he shifted her under him and gave her a wicked smile. ‘I’m lying. With you.’

‘Yes, you’re lying.’ Desperate, she pushed at his chest, trying to ignore the way his body felt against hers. ‘You’re lying to yourself. You can’t just pretend nothing is happening ….’

‘Nothing is happening—’ he trailed his lips down her neck ‘—but it will in a minute. I’d better lock the door—I think this calls for a closed set….’

‘No—’ The chemistry threatened to suck her down. ‘No! This is crazy.’

‘Sex with you is always crazy.’ His mouth was warm and skilled and Katie turned her head away, trying desperately to ignore the pulsing excitement building inside her.

‘You’re doing what you always do in a crisis—you’re acting.’

Slowly, he lifted his head. ‘You think I’m acting?’

‘Not the sex …’ Her voice was husky. ‘I think the sex is real. But it’s the only thing that is. You can’t keep running, Nathaniel—’

He said a word that shocked her and then he sprang to his feet and paced to the far side of the room. ‘Why not?’

‘Because it doesn’t solve anything.’ It would have been so easy to let the heat take her. Take the easy

route, her body sang, tempting her. Put your arms round him and do what you’re aching to do.

Nathaniel was staring at her, his eyes a dark, dangerous blue. ‘I’ve had enough talking.’

‘Have you returned Jacob’s calls?’

‘What business is it of yours?’

Katie flinched. ‘None.’ Anger mingled with the frustration. ‘None at all. I can see that now.’

‘Don’t sulk.’ He strolled towards her, his mouth flickering into that familiar slanting smile that made her dizzy. ‘Tonight we’re going to party.’

Her heart thudded, a slow unfamiliar beat in her chest. The anger glowed and burned. ‘You can party. If how you feel is none of my business, then there’s nothing more to be said.’

Bold dark brows met in a frown. ‘Katie—’

‘No.’ She held up her hand. ‘I don’t want a relationship that’s just about parties and glitter. I want a proper relationship, and if that means dealing with hard stuff, that’s OK. I’m used to dealing with hard stuff. What I can’t deal with is secrets. My dad had a whole secret life going on and I don’t want to live like that. I won’t live like that.’ Outside the room she could hear laughter and cheers, but inside the room there was silence as Katie was forced to accept that he didn’t actually care how she was feeling.

Nathaniel inhaled deeply. ‘Katie Field …’ A strange smile played around his mouth. ‘Are you dumping me?’

‘No. You’re the one dumping me.’ The anger burning red-hot, she stooped and picked up her bag. ‘Face it, Nathaniel, you don’t want a relationship. A relationship is about sharing—sharing the highs and the lows. And not just yours—everything isn’t about you.’ She swallowed. ‘I came in here to tell you my news … I was excited—’

‘You have something to celebrate?’ He reached for another bottle of champagne and Katie felt her frustration boil over.

‘Don’t you think you’ve had enough?’

‘I don’t think so. In fact, I don’t think I’ve had anywhere near enough.’ He lifted the bottle and popped the cork. Foam spilled over his hand and dripped onto the floor.

Katie had never felt less like celebrating in her life. She felt cold. Terribly cold.

‘You need to speak to Jacob,’ she said. ‘He’s trying to make amends. That’s obvious from the fact he keeps contacting you. You need to stop running. Be brave.’

‘Brave?’ His laugh was mocking. ‘I’m Alpha Man and I have the Sapphire to prove it.’

Sadness spread like dark clouds, blotting out the final rays of happiness. ‘That Sapphire just proves you’re a brilliant actor. But I’ve always known that.

You’ve been the actor, Nathaniel. Now you need to be the man.’

‘You want me to prove I’m a man?’

‘No.’ Ignoring his slow, suggestive smile, Katie straightened her shoulders and held his gaze. ‘Everyone thinks you’re exactly like your character in Alpha Man, but you’re not because he wasn’t afraid to face his fears. You run from yours.’ The dangerous glitter in his eyes made her wonder whether she should turn and run herself. Fast. ‘I’m not talking about the physical stuff—you do all that easily because you’re not afraid to take physical risks. I’m talking about the emotional stuff. That makes you feel vulnerable and you won’t allow yourself to be vulnerable. You won’t allow yourself to take emotional risks. Have you ever asked yourself why you take back-to-back roles with no break in between? It’s because you don’t want to leave a single chink in your schedule where you might actually have to be yourself. You don’t even know who you really are because you’ve been hiding and running for so long. You won’t go home because it reminds you of your past.’ She discovered that her hands and knees were shaking. ‘You avoid your family ….’

His face lost its colour. ‘My relationship with my family is none of your business.’

‘You seem to think you’re the only person in the world with a messy, difficult family, but you’re not! Mine isn’t exactly a picnic. We have our fair share of skeletons. I don’t care. But I wanted to help you. I still want that. I love you …’ She said the words without shame or hesitation. ‘And I know that terrifies you but it’s the truth. And when I think about what you lived through as a child it makes me boiling mad, Nathaniel, but what makes me even madder is that you’re not prepared to face it and deal with it.’

A cynical gleam lit his eyes. ‘And I thought you were such a sweet, sunny little thing. Clearly I had you all wrong.’

‘Do you want to know what makes me most angry?’

‘No—’ he was icily polite ‘—but I’m sure you’re about to tell me.’

‘What makes me most angry is that you’re prepared to destroy what we have because you’re too cowardly to take a risk with your feelings. I know they hurt you, Nathaniel. Your father, Jacob—they all abandoned you. But are you really going to let the past dictate the way you live your life in the future? Before you can go forward, you have to go back. You have to talk to Jacob. You have to accept what happened and live with it, not just keep switching your phone off. You have to be who you really are.’

There was a long, pulsing silence. He watched her, his face inscrutable. ‘Are you finished?’

Katie felt her heart crack in two. Hope drained away. The future, which a few hours earlier had seemed so bright, now seemed dark and empty. What they had was special. She knew that. Why wouldn’t he fight for it? Why was he just giving up? Caught in a whirl of despair, misery and exasperation, she allowed herself a final long indulgent look at his face. Memories, she thought. That was all she was going to be left with. Desperately she imprinted images in her brain—the brilliant blue eyes, their astonishing colour intensified by the jet of his eyelashes and bold brows; the straight line of his nose and the slow curve of his sensual mouth. But the image that was going to stay with her for ever wasn’t the movie star collecting his Sapphire, it was the man teaching disadvantaged children how to act. The man delving deep inside himself to help a vulnerable child.

Dredging up willpower she hadn’t known she possessed, Katie lifted her chin. ‘Yes—’ her voice was shaky and sad ‘—I’m finished. And so are we.’

Feeling as though someone had gouged out her insides with a blunt instrument, she turned and stumbled through the door. Her vision swam and she narrowly avoided crashing into a group of people who were laughing together.

Blind, she kept ploughing forward until she ran smack into one of Nathaniel’s security team.

‘I’m not feeling well,’ she choked. ‘Mr Wolfe would like you to take me back to the apartment and then to the airport.’

She still had a credit card, didn’t she? The fact that she’d never be able to pay it off was irrelevant. She’d book herself on the first flight into Heathrow and go home. She wasn’t naïve enough to think that the Howard Kenningtons of this world would be interested in her if she wasn’t with Nathaniel. It was all about who you know, wasn’t it? Contacts.

Katie hurried down the steps. Like Cinderella, she thought, running from the ball. Except that she hadn’t lost a shoe.

Both shoes were on her feet, but her heart was in pieces.

CHAPTER NINE

BEFORE you can go forward, you have to go back.

In a dangerous mood, Nathaniel floored the accelerator of his Ferrari and shot down the long drive that led to Wolfe Manor.

He’d swum with sharks, leaped from moving vehicles, skydived and climbed vertical cliffs but none of those activities had left him shaking the way he was shaking now. Fear, he thought. It lodged itself in his chest and gripped him by the throat.

What if, by going back, he was unable to move forward?

Centuries before, his ancestors had carefully planted an avenue of horse chestnut trees and they added an air of grandeur which was abruptly shattered as the main house came into view.

In a state of crumbling disrepair, Wolfe Manor stood like an ancient aristocrat struggling to maintain dignity in the face of advancing years and little maintenance.

Nathaniel killed the engine and sat for a moment, his fingers drumming a rhythm on the steering wheel.

What was he doing here? How did torturing himself with the past help solve the issues in his present?

Swearing under his breath, he sprang from the car and prowled through the tangled, long-neglected gardens. After the warmth of California, the bite of a British winter was particularly brutal and he turned up the collar of his jacket and blew clouds in the freezing air.

Afterwards, he realised that it had always been his intention to walk to the lake—to confront that part of his past—but now, as his feet moved, he felt as if he were being drawn there against his will.

He kicked his way through grass that was untended and overgrown. It brushed against his knees and wrapped itself around his ankles, impeding every step, as if warning him about the danger.

And then there it was.

Bulrushes clustered at the edge of the water, tall and straight as sentries as they guarded the dark, sinister pool that had dominated his childhood. It had begun here, he thought, and it had almost ended here, in the depths of the lake.

‘You sank like a stone.’

His mind still trapped in another place, Nathaniel turned sharply to find Jacob watching him. Apart from that brief glimpse at the theatre, it had been almost twenty years since they’d laid eyes on each other and both had spent that time running. Isolating themselves from their past.

Nathaniel felt the anger rush down on him, vivid and scorching hot. The full force of twenty years of simmering resentment and pain powered the fist he slammed into Jacob’s jaw. Pain exploded through his hand and Jacob staggered. But he didn’t retaliate.

Nathaniel was shocked by how badly he wanted him to. As if a good earthy physical pounding might right all the wrongs.

Deep down he felt sick with himself because he knew the person he wanted to lay out cold had been dead for twenty years.

He stepped back. Let his hands fall. ‘What the hell are you doing here?’

Jacob touched his fingers to his jaw, checking for damage. ‘I thought it was time.’

‘Why? Because we’ve all grown up?’ Nathaniel heard the bitterness in his tone. ‘We did it without you.’

There was a long silence, broken only by the ghostly howl of the bitter wind. ‘Don’t you ever pick up your phone?’

‘Only when the caller is someone I want to speak to.’

‘You have every right to be angry. I’m sorry about what happened at the theatre. I should have warned you I was coming.’

‘Why did you come?’

‘I wanted to see you.’

‘Well, now you’ve seen me so you can leave.’ His emotions in turmoil, Nathaniel turned to walk away but Jacob caught his arm.

‘I’m not leaving. I’m here to stay.’

Nathaniel stood still, staring down at the hand that held his arm. Those hands had hauled him out of the lake and saved his life. Those hands had been responsible for the death of his father. Katie’s words rang in his head. He’s trying to make amends—you need to stop running.

Nathaniel scanned the rigid, forbidding lines of his half-brother’s face and saw the same shadows that darkened his own life. And more. He saw pain and self-recrimination. Guilt and self-loathing. ‘You look wrecked.’

‘Thanks.’ Jacob’s laugh was devoid of humour. ‘You look pretty rough yourself for a guy who’s supposed to be the sexiest man on earth. Makes me wonder what the others look like.’

Despite the anger, Nathaniel’s mouth curved into a reluctant smile. ‘Ugly.’

‘Too much post-Sapphire partying?’

Nathaniel didn’t mention the fact that he’d skipped all the Sapphire parties to go after Katie. By the time he’d extracted himself from the hundreds of well-wishers and press, he’d arrived home to find the villa empty. She’d gone. Without telling him her news.

The emptiness in the pit of his stomach was something he’d never experienced before. This is what he did, wasn’t it? He lived his life alone. He kept people at a distance.

If you don’t care, you don’t have anything to lose.

Jacob took a few steps forward, his eyes on the lake. ‘What brought you back here?’

‘Honestly? A woman accused me of being a coward so I thought I’d better just test the theory.’ He blew clouds in the freezing air and Jacob gave a wry smile.

‘You used to do that all the time when you were a kid. You pretended to be a dragon breathing fire. You were always entertaining us, pretending to be something. For you, it was a way out.’

‘We did what we had to. You took up rugby to hide the bruises.’

Jacob’s eyes were shadowed. ‘Have you found a way to balance the make-believe with reality?’

Reality? Reality was what he’d shared with Katie.

And he’d walked away from it. Nathaniel stared at the glassy surface of the lake. No monsters, he thought. No ghosts. Just a dank, dark pool of water. ‘I gave Carrie my Sapphire.’

‘I heard your speech. Did she make the connection?’

Nathaniel was silent for a moment. ‘I think she did. For a short time anyway. Or maybe that was just wishful thinking on my part.’

Jacob hesitated and then closed a hand over his shoulder. ‘It was so hard for you and Sebastian.’

‘Harder for Sebastian—she didn’t even acknowledge his existence.’

‘Whatever William may have told you, your mother loved you. When she took you into the water that night, she believed she was protecting you from our father. She was ill ….’

Nathaniel stood rigid and unresponsive. It was the first time a member of his family had touched him since the night Jacob had walked out years before.

‘Why didn’t you hit me back?’

‘Just now?’ Jacob gave a crooked smile. ‘Because I deserved it. Don’t worry, I’m only allowing you the one. I thought you were going to leap off stage and punch me that night at the theatre.’

‘I couldn’t believe it when I saw you in the front row.’

‘I wanted to see you. I should have let you know I was coming, but I suppose I was afraid you wouldn’t want to see me. I was cowardly.’

‘Seems we’ve all been guilty of that.’

‘I left you all—’ Jacob’s voice was raw ‘—and you were just children. I don’t blame you for hating me.’

Twenty years of pain and resentment melted away. Emotions left over from childhood suddenly seemed irrelevant. ‘I don’t hate you. You were hardly more than a child yourself.’ It was what Katie had said, and suddenly Nathaniel knew it was true. He stood, thinking about how it must have been for Jacob. Just eighteen, with the death of his father on his conscience and no one to turn to, his only human contact a ragged bunch of out-of-control children. Damaged, all of them.

Nathaniel stared across the water, allowing his mind to drift back to that time. Katie was right. Those memories were part of the past. They had no place in the present.

‘I was selfish.’ The words came from deep inside him. ‘I only thought about what it did to the family when you left. I only thought about us. Annabelle was distraught and watching her suffer made me feel as powerless as that night I watched William beat her. I didn’t think about what it must have been like for you, living with what happened. We had you, but you had no one.’

‘I shouldn’t have left but at the time I couldn’t see another way. I let you down.’

There was a tense moment and then they were embracing, holding each other tightly, the bonds of blood flowing from one to the other.

‘When I saw you in the front row of the theatre that night, I had to warn Annabelle that you were back,’ Nathaniel confessed in a raw tone. ‘She was devastated when you left.’ They eased apart, both of them awkward.

Clearing his throat, Jacob turned to look at Wolfe Manor. ‘Did you know they’ve served me with a Dangerous Structure Notice for this place? Apparently I have to take urgent action to remove the danger, remedy the defects and carry out works to make the building and structure safe.’ His laugh was edged with cynicism. ‘It’s hard to know where to begin. The roof is leaking, the brickwork is crumbling … We’ve had numerous break-ins. According to the police, local kids dare one another to sneak into the house.’

‘The place was boarded up after we all left.’ Nathaniel stared at the crumbling, forbidding house that had been the backdrop for the dark drama of his childhood. ‘It feels strange, being back. It’s been so long since I allowed myself to think of the place. I pretended it didn’t exist. My whole childhood ceased to exist.’