Bad Blood

Through the mists of pleasure and the explosion of flashbulbs she heard a voice—a clear, hard voice—shout from the back of the crowd. ‘What about Carrie? Isn’t it time you talked about Carrie?’

Because her mouth was pressed against his, she felt the change, felt the ripples of tension as he slowly lifted his head.

Anxious murmurings spread across the crowd from journalists worried that they’d missed an important story. People turned to one another, seeking enlightenment as to who ‘Carrie’ was.

The journalist who had spoken pushed to the front. She was an icy blonde who had ruthless ambition stamped over every centimetre of her carefully made-up face. Behind her was a cameraman determined not to miss a shot. ‘Must have been a hell of a childhood, Nathaniel.’

Confused, Katie glanced at the woman and then back at Nathaniel. His face was the colour of the palest marble.

‘My childhood was fine.’

‘Really?’ It was obvious that the journalist wasn’t going to let it go. ‘If I knew my mother tried to drown me when I was a baby, I don’t think I’d be fine.’

His mother? Katie frowned, wondering how the woman could have got the story so wrong. It wasn’t his mother who had tried to drown him, it was his father. She waited for Nathaniel to correct the woman but he stood silent, the black fury in his eyes sending an uneasy silence across the crowd of journalists.

The blonde took a step backwards but refused to abandon her story. ‘You’ve been clever. You put out the story that your mother left, so none of us bothered looking. Why didn’t you just tell people she had a complete breakdown and she’s been in a psychiatric hospital ever since? You and your brother Sebastian should be proud that you used some of your many millions to build her a pretty cottage in the grounds so she thinks she’s living a normal life. Why do you keep her a secret, Nathaniel? Are you afraid that if people find out about your mother, it will ruin your perfect movie-star image?’

Carrie was his mother?

She was in a psychiatric hospital?

Katie’s first impulse was to leap to his defence and deny it, but one look at Nathaniel’s white face and traumatised expression told her that the woman was telling the truth.

And this time he didn’t attack. He didn’t move. It was as if he’d been felled at the knees.

And the warmth inside Katie melted in an instant. His mother, she thought numbly. Hauling back the sick disappointment that he hadn’t told her, she focused on the blonde journalist. The woman’s smile said everything. She knew she’d hit the jackpot.

Pushing her own pain aside, driven by a depth of anger she’d never known before, Katie stepped forward. ‘How dare you use someone’s personal life for cheap entertainment and to make a name for yourself. Shame on you.’ Her voice shook and she stared at the woman with contempt. ‘Shame on you.’

Shaking with anger, Katie stepped backwards just as six bulky men arrived and surrounded them.

‘You’re late,’ Nathaniel said flatly, and the largest of the men gave him an apologetic look.

‘Terrible traffic in downtown LA, boss. Sorry.’

They were ushered out to a waiting limousine and Katie collapsed into the luxurious interior. The warmth she’d felt when he’d leapt to her defence had seeped away through the stab wounds made by this latest discovery. Why hadn’t he told her?

She glanced across at him but he sat in silence, withdrawn and remote. The Nathaniel she’d got to know on the island and in Rio—the real Nathaniel—was gone. Katie pushed aside her own pain. They’d only known each other for two weeks, she reasoned. For a man like him, that wasn’t long enough to establish real trust. She needed to be patient. ‘I’m sorry. She had no right to say all those things. How did she find out?’

Nathaniel tipped his head back against the seat and closed his eyes. ‘The surprise isn’t that she found out, but that it took everyone so long. Sebastian and I have been waiting for this for years. We tried to keep the secret—whenever there is press coverage about my father, it affects Carrie badly. She takes a lot of medication, but even with that, it isn’t good.’

He didn’t talk about it because he was trying to protect his mother. ‘Why do you call her Carrie?’

‘Because that’s how I think of her. I stopped thinking of her as my mother a long time ago. She wasn’t really capable of being a mother. She was too ill.’

‘Is it true that you built her a cottage?’

‘Sebastian and I wanted her to have as normal a life as possible. It’s easier to keep her condition stable when she isn’t around strangers. She lives in her own little world. Most of the time she’s happy enough. She has full-time carers who she sees as family.’

‘And what about you? Her real family?’

‘I see her whenever I’m in England. But she doesn’t recognise me. Or Sebastian.’ Nathaniel’s hands curled into fists. ‘Do you know the really frustrating thing? She talks about me all the time. “My son Nathaniel, famous Hollywood movie star …” But she doesn’t actually know it’s me. She calls Sebastian “Nathaniel” but when I visit her, she can’t seem to make the connection. Once she even asked me if I knew her son Nathaniel.’

Thinking about his bleak, loveless childhood brought a lump to her throat.

He’d learned to survive alone.

She slid along the seat and put her arms round him but he was rigid and unresponsive.

‘I’m fine.’

‘Nathaniel, you’re not fine!’

‘It’s how it is. It’s how it’s always been. I need to warn the clinic.’ Shrugging her away, he reached for his phone. ‘They need to keep her away from newspapers and television. It could have a serious impact on her emotional stability. And then I need to increase security so those jackals can’t get anywhere near her because she associates gangs of journalists with her disastrous marriage to my father. And the LA press don’t have anything on the British tabloids.’

Katie sat there, helpless, trying not to feel hurt by his rejection. ‘Are you going to call Sebastian?’

‘I’ve just sent him a text.’

One by one the doors between him and the world were slamming shut. Katie wanted to put her foot in the final crack to stop him closing her out along with everyone else.

‘You don’t think a conversation might be helpful?’

‘All he needs are the facts.’

Facts. Facts. Katie wanted to point out that there was more to conversation than an exchange of facts.

Picking up on her tension, Nathaniel turned his head and looked at her. ‘You’re upset that I didn’t tell you—’

‘No.’ She pushed the words past stiff lips. ‘It’s how you cope with things. I understand.’

‘Do you?’ His voice was hard. ‘Because if revelations about my family are going to shock you, then you’re hanging out with the wrong guy. There are more skeletons in my family than in the average graveyard.’ The brittle tone rubbed over her nerves like sandpaper and Katie tried desperately to regain some of the closeness they’d had on the island.

‘I understand why you didn’t tell me. I understand how much you must be hurting.’

‘I’m not hurting.’ The shield was up and no one was getting through. ‘I stopped hurting twenty years ago.’

Katie stared at the perfect lines of his profile, despair seeping through her.

Not hurting?

He was in agony.

And she had no idea how to reach him.

‘This place is incredible.’ They were high up in the Hollywood Hills, near the urban wilderness of Runyon Canyon. Beneath them, the sprawl of Los Angeles lay in a haze of early-morning sunshine.

Sunbeams danced on the infinity pool and the place was infused with the delicious scent of pine.

‘An architect friend of mine built it.’ Distant and polite, Nathaniel poured her a cup of coffee. ‘Down there is Sunset Boulevard.’ He gestured with his head. ‘And to the left you can see the high-rises of downtown. Did you sleep well?’

‘Yes. Thank you.’ Did he really think she would have slept when he hadn’t come to bed? She wondered where he’d spent the night. Awake on the terrace thinking about his mother? Pacing?

Feeling utterly exhausted, Katie stared down at the city. It felt like a million miles from London in February. A million miles from her real life. Only her real life hadn’t gone away, had it?

In the past twenty-four hours she’d come back down to earth and she was still bruised from the rough landing. ‘I need to do something about finding a job.’

‘Howard Kennington will be at the Sapphire ceremony tonight. You’re going to meet him along with Alicia. There’s a project they want to discuss with you.’

For a moment their problems receded into the background. Her head spun and excitement sparked inside her. ‘The Howard Kennington? The producer?’

‘That’s the one.

‘But … how do you know the two of them will meet me?’

‘I’ve already set it up.’ Nathaniel was polite and formal and Katie felt as though her heart was being twisted in different directions. He was offering her a dream with one hand, while snatching back an entirely different dream with the other.

‘Thank you,’ she said quietly, ‘for doing that for me.’

‘I already sent your preliminary drawings and your costume plot. He’s impressed and so is Alicia. The rest is up to you.’ Nathaniel glanced at his watch, all brisk efficiency. ‘You need to start getting ready for tonight.’

She hadn’t even taken a sip of her coffee. ‘Already?’

‘This is the Sapphires.’ He gave a sardonic smile. ‘Most of the actresses started preparing at least two months ago.’

‘You’re kidding …’ Awash with insecurities, she put her cup down on the table. ‘Suddenly I’m not so excited about going—how do you fancy an evening in front of the TV?’ Her feeble joke drew a flicker of a smile from him.

‘Think of it this way—you’re already at an advantage because you don’t need Botox, plastic surgery, teeth-whitening or a month with a personal trainer. You’re going to look fantastic and I predict much teeth gnashing among the glitterati.’

Panic set in. ‘Nathaniel, I can’t go to the Sapphires. For a start I don’t have a dress.’

‘Yes, you do. Follow me, Cinderella.’ He walked across the terrace towards the house.

‘I can’t wear something you’ve chosen. There are loads of fabrics and colours I just don’t look good in. And turquoise is fine for the beach, but it won’t do for the Sapphires.’ Wishing they were back on Wolfe Island where it was just the two of them, she followed him into the house. The vast windows threw sunshine and light over the polished wooden floors and elegant white furniture.

Silent and preoccupied, Nathaniel led her up the winding staircase to the master bedroom with its Brazilian wood balcony and views across the Santa Monica Mountains. But the last thing on her mind was the view.

Aware of the tension in him, Katie tried again to reach out to him. ‘Nathaniel … about the press yesterday—’

‘I have two well-known American designers waiting to talk to you if you don’t like the dress.’ Without giving her the chance to turn the conversation into something more personal, he gestured towards the dressing room that was about the same size as her apartment in London.

Walking into a room that dazzled with glass and mirrors, Katie blinked in shock. Hanging from a rail was the dress she’d designed. Her dress. It was taken straight from the drawing he’d admired that night in her flat, even down to the sequins hand stitched to the gold silk. ‘Oh.’ She swallowed. ‘Nathaniel. How did you—? When did you—?’

‘I found another drawing of it in your pad and sent it to a designer friend of mine. He’s had a team of seamstresses working on it non-stop.’

‘It’s perfect. It’s—’ An incredible gesture. And she had no idea what to read into it. She’d never felt more confused in her life.

Nathaniel was watching her with an expression that she couldn’t fathom. ‘You approve?’

‘How could I not?’ Katie stepped forward, touching the fabric as she always did with any garment. ‘It’s exactly as I imagined it. Except that I didn’t imagine I’d be wearing it myself.’ Really touched, she flung her arms round his neck and hugged him. ‘Thanks. That was incredibly thoughtful.’

It was like hugging a stone pillar—a one-way experience. There was no response. Nothing.

Nathaniel gently disengaged himself. ‘I bought you something else ….’ His tone casual, he removed a box from his pocket and flipped it open. A beautiful diamond necklace winked at her from a bed of seductive black velvet.

‘Oh—’ Katie’s heart stopped and suddenly she couldn’t breathe. ‘That’s beautiful ….’

And it was a breathtakingly extravagant gift. No one had ever given her anything that generous before. She stared at it, stunned.

‘Pleased?’

‘Of course.’ And she was. It was crazy to think that what she really would have preferred was a hug. Or a kiss. Something intimate.

But Nathaniel made sure there was no opportunity for intimacy as he wheeled in a team of hairdressers, make-up artists and a top stylist.

By the middle of the afternoon, Katie had been primped and pampered and was feeling more and more nervous about the evening ahead. Why had she and Claire ever thought it would be fun going to the Sapphires? She was going to walk down that famous red carpet with some of the most beautiful women in the world on the arm of the sexiest man in the world. It didn’t take a genius to predict what everyone would be thinking. Why her? It would be like letting a mongrel loose in a dog show, she thought gloomily. There was no way she’d ever win Best of Breed.

When she finally stepped into the dress, the stylist stood back and stared.

‘You look totally awesome.’

Unconvinced, Katie turned to look in the mirror. And saw a stranger. They’d swept her hair up and the skilled use of make-up made her skin look flawless and her eyes huge.

‘The dress is stunning.’ The stylist sighed. ‘Who is the designer?’

‘Me.’ Katie stared at her reflection, trying to see herself through the layers of sophistication. ‘I’m the designer.’

‘Wow. Well, by the end of the evening everyone will know who you are, that’s for sure. I bet you’re nervous. Every woman in the world is going to be watching that ceremony tonight and hating you for being with Nathaniel. Not to mention that several of the actresses attending tonight would have given just about anything to be in your position. He’s a superstar.’

Nathaniel Wolfe, superstar.

Suddenly Katie wished they were back in Rio, helping the kids with their drama class. There, Nathaniel had been himself. She’d started to get to know him, although there were huge parts of himself he still kept hidden.

Like why he wanted to win a Sapphire so badly.

She had a feeling it was more than personal pride.

Great actors went through their whole careers without winning, didn’t they? Of course it would be a wonderful accolade, but was it really a matter of life or death?

She wondered if he’d talk about it on the way to the ceremony, but from the moment he strode into the room, she knew there was no hope of that.

There was no sign of the real Nathaniel. This was Alpha Man in person, impeccably dressed in a black tuxedo with a black satin bow tie at his throat. He exuded the raw, masculine glamour of the Hollywood leading man and Katie felt the gulf between them widen. It was like waking up from a wonderful dream and not being able to hold on to the images. She could feel him slipping away from her.

‘Nathaniel …’ Desperate to break through those barriers, she tried to talk to him but he was distant and unapproachable. She was no closer to him than those audiences watching him up on the big screen.

His fingers were cool as he fastened the diamonds around her neck. ‘You look beautiful.’ It was as if he was analysing her quality as another accessory to be fed into the whole Sapphire machinery.

‘Nathaniel—’

‘This evening must feel daunting.’ Stepping back, he scanned her with those sexy, slanting eyes. ‘You have no reason to be nervous. You will outshine everyone.’

‘I love the necklace and I love the dress.’ She wanted to tell him that it wasn’t how she looked that worried her, it was how she felt. How he felt. The Nathaniel she’d fallen in love with had somehow slipped away when they’d landed in Los Angeles. ‘You must be feeling really nervous. I know tonight means a lot to you.’

‘It’s work. The Academy Awards are an important night in the calendar.’ He was all movie star. Remote. Untouchable.

Katie caught his arm in a tight grip, trying to reach the man.

‘Please tell me what’s wrong. Is it just because you want to win so badly?’

‘Of course I want to win.’ His eyes burned brilliant blue. ‘Winner takes all.’

Katie let her hand drop, wondering why she didn’t believe him. ‘So it’s just your competitive nature.’

‘We don’t have time for a full-on Katie analysis session.’ He held out his arm. ‘The limo is waiting, as are the photographers. You might want to practise your smile.’

Katie hesitated and then took his arm and walked with him to the door. She’d been naïve, hadn’t she? She’d congratulated herself on breaking down those barriers. She’d thought the man she’d spent the past two weeks with, the real Nathaniel Wolfe, was here to stay. She’d truly believed she had exclusive access, which showed how stupid she was.

It didn’t matter what they’d shared. It didn’t matter what had happened before.

Nathaniel Wolfe was gone.

It was a slow drive. The streets were closed off and people herded together and crushed against barriers, hoping to catch a glimpse of the stars. And then Katie found herself standing on the legendary red carpet, blinking in the blaze of the Californian sunshine. She touched the diamonds at her throat, listened to the screams and felt like a total impostor. It was controlled chaos, the sheer volume of people daunting, and she hoped that she didn’t lose Nathaniel. She’d never find him again in this crowd.

A woman approached them, smiling and obsequious. ‘Mr Wolfe, I’ll walk you through. The cameras are waiting.’

Of course the cameras were waiting. The cameras were always waiting for Nathaniel Wolfe.

They headed along the red carpet and Katie spotted a sea of famous faces, but none as famous as Nathaniel, who engendered something close to hysteria in the watching crowds. They held banners and huge, blown-up photographs and yelled his name.

Calm and relaxed, he smiled and strolled as if he were walking on the beach, occasionally stopping to chat to someone or shake a hand. He was the megastar, the man everyone wanted to be or be with. Pushed into the reality of his world, Katie realised how hopeless it was. How had she ever thought, even for a moment, that this could work? Yes, she’d spent time with the real man, but he was also a movie star and that was never going to change.

There would always be cameras and screaming women. Beautiful women. Drowning in a wash of despair, she walked through the metal detectors, trying not to tread on the glamorous dresses and embarrass herself.

And then she was being urged forward towards the banks of photographers and press desperate to interview the stars.

Katie wanted to shrink into the background but shrinking meant losing Nathaniel and his was the only face she knew so she stood and distracted herself by examining all the dresses and mentally altering the cut, the colour or the fit.

If her career as a costume designer hit the rocks, maybe she could become a stylist, she mused. She was good at dressing other people.

After endless photographs a voice announced that the awards ceremony would be starting in five minutes and Nathaniel guided her into their seats at the front of the auditorium.

Front row, she thought dizzily. She was in the front row.

As the Awards progressed, she felt Nathaniel’s tension increase. The suspense was agonising and Katie sat there, heart pounding, unable to enjoy the evening because she was so desperate to get to the part that mattered for Nathaniel. She wanted him to win because she knew how badly he wanted it.

Even when she saw the words Best Performance

by an Actor in a Starring Role flash onto the giant screen, it still wasn’t over. Five beautiful actresses stood onstage to talk about each of the nominees and Katie held her breath thinking that if they didn’t get on with it soon she was going to leap onstage and rip open the envelope herself. She ground her teeth as the women waxed lyrical about the other nominees, but when it came to Nathaniel’s turn for acclaim, she found herself listening intently. As the beautiful actress, his co-star, started praising his raw talent, his intuition and his skill on both sides of the camera, Katie realised with a flash of guilt that she always tried to ignore that side of him. She tried to forget that he was a great actor because thinking of him like that simply intimidated her. But he was world-class. And clearly he had the respect of his peers.

Knowing that the cameras would be focused on him, Katie kept a fixed smile on her face, while the same thought revolved in her head, Please let him win, please let him win.

Finally the talking stopped.

The glamorous woman who had won Best Actress the previous year walked onto the stage.

Tense as a bow, Katie listened as the names of the nominees were read out again and then the actress finally opened the envelope. Her mouth curved into a smile as she looked up at the audience.

‘And the Sapphire goes to Nathaniel Wolfe for Alpha Man.’

The applause exploded across the auditorium like a clap of thunder. Katie felt her vision blur and she turned to congratulate him, expecting to see him smiling. Instead he sat still, staring straight ahead.

‘Nathaniel?’ she choked out his name. ‘You won. You did it.’ She gave him a little push and he turned to look at her, his eyes blank. ‘Congratulations. They’re waiting for you onstage. You have to go and get it!’

As he rose slowly to his feet, so did the audience. One by one, they stood, saluting him in an unprecedented show of support. There wasn’t a person in the room who, by now, didn’t know the sad story of his childhood. There wasn’t a woman in the room who wasn’t thinking about his mother as Nathaniel walked slowly towards the stage. The noise was deafening and there was no doubt in anyone’s mind that it was a popular choice. Nathaniel could barely make it down the aisle for people hugging him, kissing him and shaking his hand. And Katie watched, pride lodged in her throat, tears stinging her eyes.

Eventually he extracted himself from the clinging hands and walked onto the stage to receive his Sapphire from Hollywood’s hottest female star.

The applause was tumultuous, and in the midst of her happiness Katie felt a wash of despair.

For a while he’d been hers. Not Nathaniel Wolfe, Sapphire winner, but Nathaniel Wolfe the man. For a while they’d laughed, swum in the sea and made love. He’d shared his thoughts with her. He’d told her about his family. She knew that underneath those famous blue eyes was a caring, strong decent man who guarded his emotions.

But now …

Watching him lift the icicle shaped Sapphire trophy high in the air as a gesture of triumph, she felt her eyes sting.

He’d been a little boy trying to escape from the nightmare of the real world. And that little boy had fought his way to the top in the toughest business of all.

The achievement was outstanding.

When the applause died and the audience finally seated themselves, Nathaniel gave his trademark sexy smile, back in control. ‘This is the part where I’m supposed to cry, isn’t it?’

Laughter rippled across the auditorium and Nathaniel spread his hands in mocking apology. ‘Sorry to disappoint,’ he drawled, ‘but I’ve always had a problem with the crying part. Unless I’m being paid, of course. Thank you for this amazing honour ….’ He spoke fluently and with grace, thanking his co-star and all the people involved in the making of the film.