The Last Kids on Earth

First published in the United States of America by Viking,

an imprint of Penguin Random House LLC, 2020

This edition published in 2020

by Egmont Books

An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers 1 London Bridge Street LONDON SE1 9GF

Text copyright © Max Brallier 2020

Illustrations copyright © Douglas Holgate 2020

The moral rights of the author and illustrator have been asserted.

ISBN 978 0 7555 00017

Ebook ISBN 978 0 7555 00024

www.egmontbooks.co.uk

A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

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To Lila. Fist bumps!

– M. B.

For Merri, Tom and Jack.

Welcome to the world, little man!

– D. H.

CONTENTS

Cover

Title Page

Copyright

Dedication

The Decomposing Dozen

chapter one

chapter two

chapter three

chapter four

chapter five

chapter six

chapter seven

chapter eight

chapter nine

chapter ten

chapter eleven

chapter twelve

chapter thirteen

chapter fourteen

chapter fifteen

chapter sixteen

chapter seventeen

chapter eighteen

chapter nineteen

chapter twenty

chapter twenty-one

chapter twenty-two

chapter twenty-three

chapter twenty-four

chapter twenty-five

Acknowledgments

About the Author

chapter one

See these twelve zombies right here? I call them the Decomposing Dozen. They are the elite.

The best of the best.

The cream of the crop.

I know they’re tough – but I’m about to find out what they’re really made of. That’s why I’m standing on top of an old school bus, staring out at a bizarre series of bone-shattering obstacles.

Tiny goo-ball Globlet is beside me, clutching a bullhorn that’s twice her size. She squeaks: ‘ARE THE ZOMBIES READY?’

A low murmur echoes in response: ‘Ermmmm.’

Globlet turns, then squeaks: ‘AND ARE THE UNIVERSAL WARRIORS READY?’

My friends all shout back, ‘Yes!’

I grip the Louisville Slicer and focus. My heart rate slows. The Cosmic Hand trembles. Then, with a flick of my wrist, I command the zombies forward as I shout, ‘ATTACK QUINT!’

The zombies heed my command – and together they charge! The lumbering bodies are speeding up a ramp towards Quint.

He raises his new gripper-grabber pole, which is just a long stick with pincher jaws at the end. He opens the jaws! The zombies are nearly upon him! And then . . .

Y’know what – HOLD ON, TIME-OUT. You’re probably wondering what’s going on – you might be curious why I’m ordering a horde of zombies to barrel headlong into my best friend.

Yeah, it’s time to hit you with a little recap action . . .

INITIATE RECAP ACTION! STUFF THAT HAPPENED AND STUFF YOU MISSED!

See, for the past few months, Quint, June, Dirk and I have all been pretty busy. June even got into a crazy adventure that ended in a showdown with a villainous monster pirate: the Boss Rifter.

And June learned a lot. Like: (1) Thrull is getting stronger; (2) the Tower is gonna be catastrophic if he finishes it; and (3) there’s a place where we can discover more about the Tower and its location: a mysterious Outpost. Find the Outpost, find the Tower.

Problem was, the Boss Rifter got away before we could learn where this Outpost is. So, our crazed monster warrior buddy Skaelka ventured out into the wild, searching for it.

Yep, one day, Skaelka simply saddled up on to her Carapace (it’s like a monstrous hermit crab, with a car for a shell) and rode off. It’s been weeks and she still hasn’t returned . . .

And me? My life? I’ve been busy polishing my zombie-controlling powers. Total Jedi-like training. Our monster friend Warg has been helping me develop my skills and better understand the capabilities of the Cosmic Hand. That’s what I named the sucker-covered monster-tentacle-glove-thing that is now forever wrapped around my wrist and hand.

See, we chopped off Ghazt’s tail so he wouldn’t have the ability to control zombies, but we didn’t anticipate Thrull stealing the tail and taking the ability for himself! But then Thrull didn’t anticipate me siphoning it away from him!

It was a lot of back and forth, but it amounted to me having one pretty cool suction glove Cosmic Hand thingy and – with the power of Ghazt’s tail inside the Louisville Slicer – the rad ability to command and control zombies, yay!

With Warg’s help, I’ve made serious progress: I can actually make zombies do stuff. I mean, I’m like, two steps shy of being a legit necromancer now . . .

I quickly realised that the more time I spend training with any one particular zombie, the stronger the connection between me and that zombie becomes.

‘Just like Dungeon Loot Hunter: Crawler of Tombs 3!’ Quint said when I explained it to him.

‘Exactly!’ I replied. (Dungeon Loot Hunter: Crawler of Tombs 3 is our favourite RPG.) Anyway, in RPGs, you gotta pick one or two characters and really focus on levelling them up. If you keep flipping between different characters, you just end up with a bunch of, like, average dudes. And I do not have time for average dudes.

My powers aren’t, like, unlimited though. I’m only able to control a few zombies at a time. For example, I cannot lead a legion of zombies into battle, but I can stage super-epic zombie lightsaber fights. And I do . . .

So, what I have to do is clear: treat this like an RPG. I’ll pick a few zombies who are already naturally combat-capable – and level them up! Bottom line: I’m forming a super-elite group of undead warriors. Jack Sullivan’s Zombie Squad.

But finding good zombies has been tough. Up at Warg’s tree-farm home, where the zombies stay, I put them all through a bunch of tests. It did not go well, although it wasn’t really their fault . . .

Then one day, when I was out on my usual Wakefield walkabout, searching for zombies to add to our army, I spotted an old friend: Alfred! The zombie who helped us find Ŗeżżőcħ and the Tree of Entry!

Alfred was trying to cross from one rooftop to another via a toppled water tank when he slipped and fell right into my outstretched arms. It was like a delightfully awkward first meeting in a romantic comedy . . .

Seeing Alfred trying to navigate a water tank balance beam gave me the big idea! I was like: YES! THAT’S HOW I’LL CHOOSE MY RPG ZOMBIE WARRIORS! With an elimination game, like those obstacle course shows on TV. Y’know the ones: Gladiator Wipeout and Extreme Ninja Obstacle Hero and Toddler vs. Piranha!

So, my buddies and I put together our own elimination course. We built it at Laser Extreme Adventure Zone – the place has everything: trampoline park, laser tag arena, rock-climbing wall, churro stand and tons of other rad junk.

Dirk got super into building the course. I think it’s ’cause these sort of combat competitions are in his blood.

See, Dirk let slip that his dad was on the old TV show Universal Warriors. Man, that show was the best. Each week, a bunch of regular 9-to-5-type folks would face off against super-jacked, spandex-clad ‘Warriors’ – and the Warriors would just straight-up destroy the normal people.

Dirk told us his dad was a Warrior named the Big Dagger. To be honest, I don’t remember the Big Dagger, but there were a lot of Warriors on that show over the years.

Anyway, Dirk has built an awesome Zombie Squad Elimination Course. It started off pretty bootleg – kinda like one of those local haunted houses where random people from town dress up and try to scare you. But it’s never that scary because the crudely costumed werewolf that pops out from behind a hay bale is clearly your maths teacher.

Anyway, now our Zombie Squad Elimination Course is rad – and finally ready! I’ve chosen the top twelve zombie warrior prospects – and I will do my best to get them through the course.

The rules are simple: any zombie that reaches the finish line makes my squad. Get to the end – and they shall be deemed worthy!

Sounds simple, but it won’t be easy: Quint, June, Dirk, Rover and some of our monster buddies like Biggun and Fern are going to try to stop ’em.

We gathered at the Elimination Course early this morning. My friends took positions across the course while I directed the zombies to the starting line. It was time to find out just how tough my Decomposing Dozen was. Time to find out if I could get them to the finish line . . .

I took a deep breath, then –

SLICE! I swung the Slicer and the zombies rushed forwards! The competition had begun! Quint readied himself as they streamed towards him. And with that, now . . .

BACK TO THE ACTION!

WILL QUINT SURVIVE? OR WILL HE BE DEVOURED BY THE UNDEAD?!

SPOILER ALERT: HE'S A-OK!

Quint spins, swinging his staff and a second zombie tumbles off the ramp. ‘You’ll need to do better than that, Jack!’ he shouts.

He’s right. I gotta focus if I plan on any of my zombies reaching the finish line. I snap the Slicer and the remaining zombies pick up speed.

To control the zombies, I concentrate in the extreme, thinking hard about what I want them to do, then I shout that command while swinging the Slicer. That’s how I can control them; it works, since me and the blade are now, like, one.

‘FORWARDS!’ I bark and swing the Slicer twice more. The remaining zombies speed through the next wave of bone-shattering obstacles . . .

I’m high up on my school bus platform, trying to get three zombies across a swinging bridge, when I hear the sound . . .

It is a terrible noise – and it sends a horrible shiver shooting straight down my spine.

Globlet, still on my shoulder, grabs my shirt. ‘Jack, what was that?’ she asks quietly.

‘Not sure, Globs,’ I say. I turn, searching for the source of the horrifying sound. Then my eyes catch movement in the parking lot.

It takes me a moment to understand what I’m looking at. But when I finally see what’s making the awful, deafening sound – my heart begins to slam.

Skeletons.

Skeleton soldiers.

Hundreds of them. Marching towards us.

I suspected this was coming. Still, I’d hoped I was wrong . . .

This is like my nightmare. The vision I had, months ago, when Quint and Dirk and Warg came to show me what they’d found in Evie’s Cabal of the Cosmic book . . .

Not just skeletons.

Thrull’s skeleton army.

chapter two

‘It’s Thrull’s skeleton army!’ Quint cries out from atop a rope bridge.

‘Be back, Globs,’ I say and then I’m leaping from the bus and speeding across the course.

When I finally reach my friends, the skeletons are swarming towards them.

‘They’re armed!’ June shouts.

‘Wearing some pretty wicked armour, too,’ Dirk says, sounding half impressed. ‘I mean, not as cool as ours. But still . . . cool.’

The skeletons’ weapons and armour are built from bone. They swing Dozer spike swords and they wave war hammers sharp with Wormungulous teeth and they twirl daggers of twisted Wretch talon. Some wear helmets carved from Carapace horns. Others carry shields of sliced monster scales.

‘They’re fast!’ Quint notes. ‘On the plus side, we don’t need to fear their bite.’

‘You sure about that?’ Dirk asks.

‘Of course! These aren’t zombies, they’re skeleton soldiers!’ Quint says. ‘Like old-school Ray Harryhausen–style warriors.’

‘I don’t know what Ron Henry-Homer old-school warriors are,’ Dirk says, spinning his gladiator jousting pole. ‘But I know I’m gonna bash these boneheads like old-school-style Universal Warriors!’

We assume our most intimidating action poses. Biggun assumes an even more intimidating action pose –

Biggun’s meaty paw smacks aside four skeletons. Globlet peppers skeleton soldiers with a Blow Dart Blaster she nabbed from a Rifter.

‘Guys, I actually think we got this,’ I say, happily surprised. ‘These dudes are weak!’

‘They are only bone,’ Quint agrees.

‘We can just smash them!’ Dirk yells.

‘Come on!’ June orders as they charge into the horde. I’m about to follow my buds, when – SMACK!

Rover knocks me right on my butt as he eagerly hurls himself into a wall of skeletons. ‘Go, buddy!’ I shout, sitting up.

Thrull’s skeletons burst apart like Lego. I watch my buddies dismantle a squad of skeleton soldiers in mere seconds.

I’m feelin’ good. We’ve destroyed gigantic beasts, fought the undead and taken down villainous overlords. But these skeletons? One hard hit and they crumble! I could beat these dudes in my sleep . . .

Suddenly, one skeleton comes screaming towards me. Finally, I think. I was getting jealous watching my buddies have all the fun.

The skeleton leaps on to the hood of a car. Its bony feet sprint up the windshield, then across the roof – TAK-TAK-TAK-TAK.

It launches off the car, sailing towards me like a big ol’ meatball.

I swing the Slicer hard – like I’m trying to whack a wiffle ball to the moon. There’s a loud KRACK. Sounds like a home run, all right – definitely hammered that dude into the cheap seats.

But then I stop.

Something’s happening. The skeleton’s skull snaps to the side and – GROSS VINE SOUNDS!

A tangled, interwoven thread of Vine-Thingies runs through its entire cage-like body. The vines coil in and out, like tangled TV wires. Then –

TWANG! The skull snaps back into place.

The skeleton smiles . . . something I didn’t even think was possible. It is a hideously toothy, vile grin.

I stagger back – and now I see the enemy in its entirety . . .

TWANG! TWONG! THUNK!

All around us, the skeletons are snapping back together. Pulling up from the ground. Rising like puppets plucked by Thrull’s terrifying strings.

The skeletons we thought we’d just defeated are piecing themselves together again. One jams its arm back into place.

‘Guys!’ I say as we regroup. ‘It’s the vines! They’re running through the skeletons!’

‘The vines must be giving the skeletons their power!’ Quint adds. ‘Reanimating them! I was wrong. These skeletons are not –’

‘Ron Henry-Homer things?’ Dirk asks.

‘Ray Harryhausen things,’ Quint says with a sigh. ‘But YES. These are different!’

‘Hold up!’ June says. ‘Remember the Tendrill? We needed goo-slime to stop it! I bet that’s what’ll stop these vines, too. And luckily,’ she announces, ‘I’ve got just what we need.’

She pulls one of Quint’s goo-slime grenades from her action bum bag and begins loading it into Blasty (that’s her wrist-attached, Swiss Army–style, everything-but-the-kitchen-sink-gadget-cannon).

‘Uh-oh,’ June says, struggling.

‘Uh-oh?’ I say. ‘I don’t like uh-oh. What is uh-oh?’

‘It’s jammed,’ June says.

The skeleton army is fully reassembled. Back on their feet, ready to rumble . . .

More skeletons appear – dozens, coming from all sides. My Zombie Squad Elimination Course is completely overrun!

‘Hey, Jack,’ Dirk says. ‘You say you can control zombies? Might be a good time to start doing it . . .’

‘Right, duh!’ I say. ‘My zombies! Now, where are they . . . ?’

I scan the course, searching for any still-standing zombies. Unfortunately, the Decomposing Dozen didn’t exactly ace the course. I spot one zombie dangling upside down from the rock wall, two others tangled in the ropes course and a few rolling around on sweaty old gym mats.

Not good. It looks like every single one has been knocked out of commission.

‘Jack! There!’ Quint says, pointing.

Spinning, I spot three zombies milling about near the finish line.

Nothing about this day went like I’d expected – but in the end, it looks like I’ve found my squad after all.

They are the only three standing. They are –

I summon them with a quick Slicer swing, bringing them shuffling towards us. It’s like a video game – and they’re my little minions.

‘The skeletons keep coming!’ June shouts, finally giving up on loading the goo-slime grenade. ‘We gotta get to the BoomKarts – and get outta here!!’

She’s pointing to where they’re parked, across the obstacle course, beyond the laser tag arena.

‘Alfred,’ I say to my old zombie butler. ‘You’re gonna lead the way, buddy!’

I swing the Slicer, little flicks and twists that translate to zombie commands. Glurm charges straight into the skeletal horde blocking our path and Lefty and Alfred follow.

We follow the zombies, but a fresh skeleton horde appears, blocking our path to the BoomKarts.

‘Into the laser tag area!’ I shout.

We rush inside – only to discover the labyrinthlike laser tag course has become a glow-in-the-dark-death trap . . .

Skeletons surround Biggun, Rover, Globlet and Fern. More pour in, speeding down the halls, leaping over cover, bursting around the zigzagging turns.

‘Stay together, gang!’ June barks.

‘Don’t gotta tell me twice!’ Dirk replies as he yanks two skeletons off Biggun’s back.

Spinning around, I see Globlet and Fern now fight from land and sky, tag-teaming a pack of skeletons. Rover is using his teeth to rip the vines out of one. Biggun picks more skeletons off himself and is now using his body to block one entrance.

But more skeletons march towards us. Their faces are still locked in those awful, toothy grins. They don’t get tired or fatigued – and they never have to stop to catch their breath. Guess that’s one benefit to not having lungs.

‘It’s about to get real, guys,’ I say.

June growls, ‘Let ’em bring it.’

And they do.

Three of them SPRING AHEAD and tear towards us. Dirk and Quint whirl around, directly in their paths.

All I can do is watch in terror. Dirk has no weapon – his jousting pole is now in pieces. And Quint only has his staff.

But together –

The skeletons are sizzling like a couple of burgers plopped on to a hot grill.

One opens its mouth in a silent shriek. It has a Dirk-boot-sized hole in its rib cage – and for some reason, this hole isn’t reassembling. The skeleton looks down, confused. Sizzling vines dangle from its centre.

The skeletons that Quint cracked aren’t reassembling, either.

Quint glances at the butt end of his staff. Dirk looks at the bottom of his boot. It takes a minute for them to realise what just happened.

Then Dirk’s face lights up.

‘My boots,’ he says to Quint. ‘They’re covered in goo-slime! From Project Day-Glo!’

‘And I’ve been using the bottom of my staff as a stir stick!’ Quint says.