Texas Rebels: Jude

Zane looked up at him. “I think that’s a line from a song, Dad.”

Jude ruffled Zane’s hair. “It’s true. Having fun with Uncle Quincy will change, too. You’ll want to spend more and more time with your friends and away from the ranch.”

Zane’s eyes narrowed. “I’m never leaving the ranch.”

Jude didn’t push it, because they’d had this conversation many times about college and it always upset Zane. “Trust me. You won’t always think that way. You’ll change. As much as you say you won’t, you will. And if you don’t, the ranch will always be here. It will always be home.”

“And you’ll always be here?”

“You bet.” There was no place on earth Jude would rather be. Zane got that from him. By Zane’s somber expression, Jude knew something else was bothering his son. “What is it, son?”

“Uh... Uncle Quincy and Aunt Jenny were curled up together. Uncle Quincy had his arms around her and they were like one person.”

They’d already had the sex talk, so it couldn’t be about that. Jude was sweating bullets thinking about how to answer his son.

Zane saved him. “Uncle Quincy really loves Aunt Jenny.”

“And she loves him.”

“Yeah. That’s nice, huh?”

“Yes. You have one more person who loves you.”

“Aunt Jenny gives big hugs and she smells good.”

“So you see it’s a good thing Uncle Quincy found someone.”

“Yeah.” There was still a slight hesitation in Zane’s voice.

“If you want to talk to Uncle Quincy, just go over to his barn and talk to him. He won’t disappoint you. I promise.”

There was silence for a moment and Jude struggled to find words to soothe his son’s bruised heart. Before Jude could find the right words, Zane looked up at him again and asked, “Did you love my mama like Uncle Quincy loves Aunt Jenny?”

Jude’s throat closed up and every word he knew dissipated like smoke into thin air. He tried not to show any reaction but knew that wouldn’t work. He’d always been honest with Zane, but now he struggled with the truth. He wasn’t sure why. It was just difficult to talk about his feelings for Paige, especially with his son.

He swallowed hard. “Yes, I loved your mother more than I can ever tell you. We were inseparable in high school and...”

Zane wrapped his arms around Jude’s waist and buried his face against him. “You don’t have to talk about her, Dad.”

He held his son close. “It’s okay. You were conceived in love. That’s why you’re such a happy kid.”

Zane drew back to gaze up at Jude. “I hope she doesn’t come back like Eden’s mom did. I don’t think I would like her. It’s just me and you, right, Dad? You and me against the world. We’re Rebels and we’re rowdy.”

“You bet. Now you better get ready for school. Aunt Rachel will be here any minute.”

“Okay.” Zane stared at Jude. “Why are you all dressed up?”

Jude took a moment. “I’m going to a funeral this morning.”

“Oh. I’m sorry someone died.”

Jude hugged his son. Zane had this innate softness inside him, making him genuinely considerate and sincere. He was truly sorry someone had died. That was just the way he was. He got that from Paige.

Ruffling his son’s hair, Jude said, “We need to get your hair cut again.”

Zane pulled back, smiling. He was happy again. “I want to get it cut before the race because I don’t want any hair in my eyes when Bear and I zoom past everybody. We’re going to win, Dad! Uncle Quincy said so. I filled out the form and put it and my money in an envelope. When are you going to take it in to the paper?”

“I’ll take it before I go to the funeral.”

“Cool.” Zane dashed into his room and came back with the envelope. “It’s all there. You just have to give it to Miss Maureen and get my number. I hope it’s a nine. Nine is my lucky number. Oh, yeah.” Zane danced off to his room.

When had nine become his lucky number? That was news to Jude, but he had a feeling that as Zane grew, a lot of things were going to be news to him. Little boys tended to keep secrets. He knew that for a fact ’cause he’d kept many from his parents. Not biggies, but secrets.

In the kitchen, Falcon, Quincy and Egan were having coffee with their mother.

“So you’re waiting till the birth to find out the sex of the baby?” his mother asked Egan.

“Yeah. I just would rather do that and Rachel agreed with me. Although she was very tempted to find out.”

Jericho was right. Jude poured a cup and joined them at the table.

“I guess you’re going to the funeral.” His mother looked at him.

“Yes. I have to see her to test the waters, so to speak. At this point, I’m not sure how much I’ll tell her. It depends on how much she wants to hear. I’ll play it by ear and hope I make the right decision.”

“You will, son,” his mother assured him.

Egan twisted his cup. “I stopped by to tell you Rachel’s going to the funeral.”

Jude started at that news. “Why? I don’t remember them being all that close in high school.”

“Jude, it’s a small school and we all know each other.”

“I guess.”

“Besides, Angie Hollister is Horseshoe’s one-woman welcoming-and-funeral committee. And Rachel’s her best friend. They thought it would be nice if someone from the town showed up. And don’t worry—Rachel’s not going to say anything. She’s rather fond of Zane and, trust me, she’s going to make sure no one hurts him.”

Jude got to his feet. “Is Rachel still picking up Zane for school?” Rachel taught art and she and Egan lived down the road in a house they’d fixed up, so it was ideal for Rachel to give Zane a ride.

“She’ll be here any minute,” Egan said. “She notified the principal last night she was taking an hour off.”

“I better go, then. Zane wants me to drop off the entry form and fee for the race.”

“You haven’t had breakfast,” his mother reminded him.

“I couldn’t eat a thing, Mom. I’ll catch y’all later.”

As he drove into town, Zane’s words kept running through his mind. Did you love my mama like Uncle Quincy loves Aunt Jenny? Oh, yes, he’d loved Paige with all his heart. They’d been two teenagers who’d desperately needed someone to love. Someone to listen. Someone to care.

Paige’s mother had been an awful person. He couldn’t believe any mother could be so vile. She’d told Paige repeatedly that she was ugly and worthless and would never amount to anything. Every chance the woman got, she’d driven home that point to make Paige feel as low as she could. She’d shredded Paige’s confidence until Paige was a walking case of nerves. Sometimes she’d break out in hives just from the stress.

Looking back, he realized there’d been so many options open to them other than listening to Mrs. Carstairs, but at the time they hadn’t seen them. Jude could’ve gone to his mother and she would’ve been happy to help them. But talking was not Jude’s strong suit. He almost would have rather died than tell his mother how he’d screwed up. He was to blame for everything that had happened and he fully carried that blame on his shoulders. If he had spoken up, things would’ve been different. But he hadn’t known how Paige would’ve reacted if he’d asked her to marry him and give up her dream. He couldn’t do that, pressure her to stay in a town that held so many bad memories. She deserved to fulfill her dream more than anyone he’d ever known. He’d made sure she did. Whatever had happened in the intervening years, he hoped with all his heart she was happy and had a full life.

He drove toward the Horseshoe cemetery, ready to face his past.

* * *

THE APRIL WIND howled through the tall cedars of Horseshoe’s country cemetery. Paige shivered and reached for Staci’s hand. The ominous sound was a fitting lullaby for a woman who had been troubled most of her life. The noise would carry on into the hereafter.

They didn’t shed tears. There were too many teardrops on their souls to pretend any grief now. Sadness, yes. Paige was sure it showed on their solemn faces as they said goodbye to a mother they’d never understood.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a silver SUV pull into the cemetery driveway. Angie Wiznowski and Rachel Hollister got out. They were older, but Paige recognized them, girls she had gone to high school with. Rachel was as beautiful as ever with her blond hair and blue eyes. She was pregnant. A pain shot through Paige but she quickly disguised it. Angie had changed the most. She’d always been sweet and nice but she was positively glowing. What were they doing here?

More cars turned into the cemetery. Angie’s mom and Angie’s sisters and brother had come. The sheriff and his wife arrived, as did Hardy Hollister, the DA, and Judge Hollister. Mrs. Peabody and the older ladies of the town came. Some of Paige’s teachers also came. Some of Staci’s and Luke’s friends showed up. The people of Horseshoe offered their condolences and Paige was overwhelmed with a nostalgic feeling for a town she’d left behind.

As everyone stood around the grave site, the man from the funeral home read some verses from the Bible and the casket was lowered into the ground. A turbulent life was over.

Angie hugged her. “We’re so sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you,” she managed.

Rachel hugged her, too. “It’s so good to see you and you look absolutely wonderful. I guess the California good life agrees with you.”

Paige didn’t know how to answer. If they only knew. But they never would, because Paige would never open up with all the heartache and pain she’d suffered in the past years.

After everyone had left, Angie and Rachel lingered and they talked about Horseshoe and things that had happened while Paige had been gone. Angie was married to Hardy Hollister, Rachel’s brother, which Paige had guessed by the way Hardy had hugged Angie. They had two children. Rachel had married Egan, Jude’s older brother. That caught Paige’s attention. She’d never known Rachel liked the Rebel boys. She seemed happy, as did Angie. Paige would never have that kind of happiness. She had destroyed her one chance at love.

“We have company,” Rachel said as a pickup pulled up behind the SUV.

Angie hugged her one more time. “Come by the bakery before you leave and we can catch up on old times and hear about your amazing career.” Angie’s family owned the local bakery, a favorite hangout and the busiest place in town.

Paige didn’t say anything, because she didn’t plan on taking Angie up on her offer. She wouldn’t talk about her life to anyone. She’d opened up last night to Staci and Luke because she had to tell them. She couldn’t keep lying and holding everything inside. As family members who had been through hell with her, they understood. But the people of Horseshoe wouldn’t, even friends like Angie and Rachel.

They walked away and Paige stared at the man getting out of the truck. Her breath caught and her body trembled as she stared at the boy who was now a man. The boy she’d loved more than anyone in her life.

He walked toward them with long strides. He’d changed, was her first thought. The skinny boy had filled out and his shoulders were wide and muscled. But his beautiful face, carved with the touch of an angel, was the same: dark eyes flanked by incredible eyelashes and lean structured facial bones that bespoke pure masculinity. He’d been a cowboy then and she was delighted to see he was still in boots, a Stetson and snug Wranglers. From out of nowhere a memory flashed through her mind of a lazy afternoon and her unzipping them. She was suddenly warm all over.

Luke met him and they shook hands. Paige couldn’t hear what they were saying, but soon Jude walked toward her.

She said the first thing that came into her head. “Hey, Jude.” It was the title of an old Beatles song that had been their favorite back then. They’d played it over and over just to sing “Hey, Jude.”

He didn’t smile, and a foreboding feeling came over her. “I’m sorry about your mom.”

“Th-thank y-you.” She stumbled over the words like a teenager. “I was going to call before I left town.”

“Could we go somewhere and talk?” He looked around at the tombstones and graves nestled among stately cedars. “Someplace besides here?”

“Sure. I can use Staci’s car. Where would you like to meet?”

“They redid the park that’s two blocks from your old house. It’s nice and we could meet there.”

“Okay. I’ll see you in about thirty minutes.”

He nodded and strolled back toward his truck.

They were cordial and polite like strangers, but they had been so much more.

“What did he want?” Staci asked.

“Just to talk.”

“You don’t have to do that if you don’t want to,” Luke told her. “It might be best to let it go.”

“I can’t. I have to know if he thinks about our child all the time...like...I do.”

“Oh, Paige.” She didn’t even know she was shaking until Staci put her arms around her.

“I didn’t think it would be this hard to see him.” She brushed away an errant tear. “He didn’t even smile when I said, ‘Hey, Jude.’ It was our favorite song.”

“Do you still love him?”

She didn’t know, but she knew what the nausea was about. Jude. Seeing him again. And having to talk about that time and what they’d done. They had to drag out all the dirty laundry to see if it could be cleansed or if the stains of life’s mistakes would haunt her forever.

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