Amphitryon

SOS. I entreat you, moderate your anger against them; they are honest people, whatever the world may say of them.

CLE. Things are not what you think them; you can shut up; your excuse will not go down; and, sooner or later, I tell you plainly, I will avenge myself for the contempt you show me every day. I remember everything you said just now, and I shall try to make use of the liberty you gave me, You faithless, cowardly husband.

SOS. What?

CLE. You told me just now, you villain, that you would heartily agree to my loving another.

SOS. Ah! In that matter I was wrong. I retract; my honour is at stake. You had better beware you do not give way to that sentiment.

CLE. Nevertheless if some time I can make up my mind to the thing…

SOS. Just stop talking for the present. Amphitryon is coming back, and he seems pleased.

SCENE IV JUPITER, CLEANTHIS, SOSIE

JUP. I shall take this opportunity of appearing to Alcmene to banish the sorrow in which she wishes to indulge, and, under the pretence that brings me here, I will gratify my passion with the delight of a reconciliation with her. Alcmene is upstairs, is she not?

CLE. Yes; she is thoroughly upset and wishes to be left alone: she has forbidden me to follow her.

JUP. Whatever prohibition she may have given you does not concern me.

CLE. So far as I can see, his grief has beaten a quick retreat.

SCENE V CLEANTHIS, SOSIE

SOS. What do you say, Cleanthis, to these cheerful looks, after his terrible rage?

CLE. That we should all do well to send all men to the devil; the best of them is not worth much.

SOS. You say that because you are in a passion; but you are too fond of men; upon my word, you would all look as black as thunder if the devil were to take them all away.

CLE. Really…

SOS. Here they come. Hush.

SCENE VI JUPITER, ALCMENE, CLEANTHIS, SOSIE

JUP. Do you want to drive me to despair? Alas! Stay, lovely Alcmene.

ALC. No, I cannot remain longer with the author of my grief.

JUP. I beseech you

ALC. Leave me.

JUP. What…?

ALC. Leave me, I tell you.

JUP. Her tears touch me to the heart; her sorrow troubles me. Allow me to

ALC. No, do not follow me.

JUP. Where are you going?

ALC. Where you are not.

JUP. That would be a vain attempt to make. I am linked to your beauty by too close a bond to suffer a moment's separation from you. I shall follow you everywhere, Alcmene.

ALC. And I shall flee from you everywhere.

JUP. I am very terrible, then!

ALC. Yes, more than I can say. Indeed, I look upon you as a frightful monster, a cruel, furious monster, whose approach is to be feared; as a monster to be avoided everywhere. My heart suffers incredible grief at the sight of you; it is a torture that overpowers me; I do not know anything under Heaven so frightful, horrible and odious, that I could not better endure than you.

JUP. Alas! Do these words really come from your mouth?

ALC. I have many more in my heart; I only regret I cannot find words to express all I feel.

JUP. Ah! What has my heart done to you, Alcmene, that I should be looked upon as such a monster?

ALC. Oh! Just Heaven! He can ask that? Is it not enough to drive me mad?

JUP. Yet, in a milder spirit…

ALC. No; I do not wish either to see or to hear anything of you.

JUP. Have you really the heart to treat me thus? Is this the tender love which I heard yesterday was to last so long?

ALC. No, no, it is not; your base insults have ordained it otherwise. That passionate and tender love does not exist any longer; you have cruelly killed it in my heart by a hundred keen wounds. In its place stands an inflexible wrath, a lively resentment, an invincible indignation, the despair of a heart justly incensed, which resolves to hate you for this grievous injury, as much as it was willing to love you; that is to say to hate as much as possible.

JUP. Alas! Your love must have had but little strength, if it can be killed by so slight a matter! Can a jest divorce us? Is there any need to be so roused at a trifle?

ALC. Ah! It is just that which offends me: that which my anger cannot pardon. I should have felt less wounded by the justifiable transports of a fit of jealousy. Jealousy makes impressions the force of which oftentimes carries us beyond our control; at such times the most discreet mind, no doubt, finds it difficult enough to answer for its deeds. The violence of a heart which may have been deluded has, in its very delusion, a peace-offering for an aggrieved soul, and the love that gave birth to its fears, furnishes, in spite of all its violence, at least some reasons to urge as excuse. Outbursts such as these ever have love as an excuse against anger: for love gave birth to them, and we can easily pardon what we cannot control.

But to fly into uncontrollable fury, in gaiety of heart, and so causelessly and keenly to wound the tenderness and honour of a heart that dearly loves you, ah! It is too cruel a blow: my grief can never forget it.

JUP. Yes, you are right, Alcmene; I admit it. This action is unquestionably an odious crime; I do not pretend to justify it longer: yet allow my heart to defend itself in your eyes, and let it reveal to you who is to blame for this insulting fury. To tell you frankly, it is the husband Alcmene, who has done this wrong; it is the husband whom you must blame. The lover has no share in this churlish anger: his heart is not capable of offending you. He has too much respect and affection for you ever to think of it; had he been guilty of the crime of doing aught that could wound you, he would pierce himself with a hundred stabs before your eyes. But the husband has cast aside that humble submission which should always be yours; by his harsh deeds, the husband has made himself known; he thought the rights of marriage allowed him everything. Yes, it is he no doubt who is guilty towards you; he only has ill-treated your lovely person. Hate, detest the husband; I consent to it; I yield him to your mercy; but, Alcmene, spare the lover from the anger which such an offence gives you; do not let him suffer; differentiate between him and the guilty one; and, finally, in order to be just, do not punish him for what he has not done.

ALC. Oh! All these subtleties are but frivolous excuses; such language only annoys incensed minds. In vain do you use these ridiculous prevarications. I do not make any distinction in him who offends me; everything in him becomes the object of my anger, the lover and the husband are alike confounded in its just violence. Both occupy my thoughts; both are painted in the same colours by my wounded heart. Both are guilty; both have offended me; and both are odious to me.

JUP. Well! Then, since you wish it, I must charge myself with the offence. Yes, you are right, when you sacrifice me as a guilty victim to your resentment. Anger towards me sways you; it is but too just, and all the terrible wrath you show causes me to suffer only lawful torments. It is right you should shun my presence, and in your anger threaten to flee from me everywhere. I must be a detestable object to you; you are right in thinking ill of me. My crime in being offensive in your charming eyes surpasses every horror; it is a crime that offends men and Gods; in short, as punishment for my insolence I deserve that your hatred should vent its utmost upon me. I beg your forgiveness, I beg it upon my knees, I beg it for the sake of the most lively passion, of the tenderest love for you, which has ever been kindled in a human breast. If, charming Alcmene, your heart refuses me the pardon which I have the audacity to seek, then shall a well-aimed stroke put an end to my life, and release me from the harsh severity of a penalty which I can no longer bear. Yes, this state of things drives me to despair. Do not think, Alcmene, that, enamoured as I am of your celestial charms, I can live a day under your wrath. Even these moments' agony is barbarously prolonged and my sad heart sinks under their mortal blows. The cruel wounds of a thousand vultures are not comparable in any way to my lively grief. Alcmene, you have but to tell me I need not hope for pardon: and immediately this sword, by a happy thrust, shall pierce the heart of a miserable wretch before your eyes. This heart, this traitorous heart, too deserving of death, since it has offended an adorable being, will be happy if, in descending into the place of shades, my death appeases your anger, and, after this wretched day, it leaves in your soul no impression of hatred in remembering my love! This is all I ask as a sovereign favour.

ALC. Ah! Cruel husband.

JUP. Speak, Alcmene, speak.

ALC. Must I still keep some kindness for you, who insult me by so many indignities?

JUP. Whatever resentment an outrage causes us, can it hold out against the remorse of a heart deeply in love?

ALC. A heart full of passion would rather expose itself to a thousand deaths, than offend the object beloved.

JUP. The more one loves, the easier it is

ALC. No, do not speak to me any longer about it; you deserve my hatred.

JUP. You hate me then?

ALC. I make every effort to do so, and it annoys me to feel that all your insults do not yet carry my vengeance so far as yield to it.

JUP. But why this violence, since I offer to kill myself to satisfy your revenge? Pronounce the sentence and immediately I will obey.

ALC. It is impossible to wish for another's death if hatred be absent.

JUP. I cannot live unless you abandon the wrath that overwhelms me, and unless you grant me the favour of a pardon which I beg at your feet. Decide to do one or the other quickly: to punish, or to absolve.

ALC. Alas! The only resolution I can take is but too clearly apparent. My heart has too plainly betrayed me, for me to wish to maintain this anger: is it not to say we pardon, when we say we cannot hate?

JUP. Ah, charming Alcmene, overwhelmed with delight I must…

ALC. Forbear: I hate myself for such weakness.

JUP. Go, Sosie, make haste; a sweet joy fills my soul. See what officers of the army you can find, and ask them to dine with me. (Softly aside.) Mercury can fill his post, while he is away from here.

SCENE VII CLEANTHIS, SOSIE

SOS. Come! Now, you see, this couple, Cleanthis. Will you follow their example, and let us also make peace? Indulge in some slight reconciliation?

CLE. For the sake of your lovely mug, Oh yes! I will, and no mistake.

SOS. What? You will not?

CLE. No.

SOS. It doesn't matter to me. So much the worse for you.

CLE. Well, well, come back.

SOS. No, not, likely! I shall not do anything of the kind, I shall be angry. I turn now.

CLE. Go away, you villain, let me alone; one gets tired now and then of being an honest woman.

END OF THE SECOND ACT

ACT III

SCENE I AMPHITRYON

Yes, so doubt fate hides him purposely from me; at last am I tired of trying to find him. I do not know anything that can be more cruel than my lot. In spite of all my endeavours, I cannot find him whom I seek; all those I do not seek I find. A thousand tiresome bores, who do not think they are so, drive me mad with their congratulations on our feats of arms, although they know little of me. In the cruel embarrassment and anxiety that troubles me, they all burden me with their attentions, and their rejoicings make my uneasiness worse. In vain I try to pass them by, to flee from their persecutions; their killing friendship stops me on all sides; whilst I reply to the ardour of their expressions by a nod of the head, I mutter under my breath a hundred curses on them. Ah! How little we are flattered by praise, honour and all that a great victory brings, when inwardly we suffer keen sorrow! How willingly would I exchange all this glory to have peace of mind! At every turn my jealousy twits me with my disgrace; the more my mind ponders over it, the less can I unravel its miserable confusion. The theft of the diamonds does not astonish me; seals may be tampered with unperceived; but my most cruel torment is that she insists I gave the gift to her personally yesterday. Nature oftentimes produces resemblances, which some impostors have adopted in order to deceive; but it is inconceivable that, under these appearances, a man should pass himself off as a husband; there are a thousand differences in a relationship such as this which a wife could easily detect. The marvellous effects of Thessalian magic have at all times been renowned; but I have always looked upon as idle tales the famous stories everyone talks of. It would be a hard fate if I, after so glorious a victory elsewhere, should be compelled to believe them at the cost of my own honour. I will question her again upon this wretched mystery, and see if it is not a silly fancy that has taken advantage of her disordered brain. O righteous Heaven, may this thought be true, and may she even have lost her senses, so that I may be happy!

SCENE II MERCURY, AMPHITRYON

MERC. Since love does not offer me any pleasure here, I will at least enjoy myself in another way, and enliven my dismal leisure by putting Amphitron out of all patience. This may not be very charitable in a God; but I shall not bother myself about that; my planet tells me I am somewhat given to malice.

AMPH. How is it that the door is closed at this hour?

MERC. Hullo! Gently, gently! Who knocks?

AMPH. I.

MERC. Who, I?

AMPH. Ah! Open.

MERC. What do you mean by 'open'? Who are you, pray, to make such a row, and speak like that?

AMPH. So? You do not know me?

MERC. No, nor have I the least wish to.

AMPH. Is every one losing his senses today? Is the malady spreading? Sosie! Hullo, Sosie!

MERC. Come, now! Sosie: that is my name; are you afraid I shall forget it?

AMPH. Do you see me?

MERC. Well enough. What can possess your arm to make such an uproar? What do you want down there?

AMPH. I, you gallows-bird! What do I want?

MERC. What do you not want then? Speak, if you want to be understood.

AMPH. Listen, you villain: I will come up with a stick to make you understand, and give you a fine lesson. How dare you speak to me like that?

MERC. Softly, softly! If you make the least attempt to create an uproar, I shall send you down some messengers who will annoy you.

AMPH. Oh Heavens! Did anyone ever conceive such insolence? And from a servant, from a beggar?

MERC. Come, now! What is the matter? Have you gone over everything correctly? Have your big eyes taken everything in? He glares, so savage he looks! If looks could bite, he would have torn me to shreds by now.

AMPH. I tremble at what you are bringing upon yourself with all this impudent talk. What a frightful storm you are brewing for yourself! What a tempest of blows will storm down on your back!

MERC. If you do not soon disappear from here, my friend, you may come in for some mauling.

AMPH. Ah! You villain, you shall know to your confusion what it is for a valet to attack his master.

MERC. You, my master?

AMPH. Yes, rascal. Do you dare to say you do not recognise me?

MERC. I do not recognise any other master than Amphitryon.

AMPH. And who, besides myself, may this Amphitryon be?

MERC. Amphitryon?

AMPH. Certainly.

MERC. Ah! What an illusion! Come, tell me in what decent tavern you have addled your brain?

AMPH. What? Again?

MERC. Was it a feast-day wine?

AMPH. Heavens!

MERC. Was it old or new?

AMPH. What insults!

MERC. New goes to one's head, if drunk without water.

AMPH. Ah! I shall tear your tongue out soon.

MERC. Pass on, my dear friend; believe me, no one here will listen to you. I respect wine. Go away, make yourself scarce, and leave Amphitryon to the pleasures which he is tasting.

AMPH. What! Is Amphitryon in there?

MERC. Rather: covered with the laurels of his fine victory, he is side by side with the lovely Alcmene enjoying the delights of a charming tete-a-tete. They are tasting the pleasures of being reconciled, now their love-tiff has blown over. Take care how you disturb their sweet privacy, unless you wish him to punish you for your excessive rashness.

SCENE III AMPHITRYON

Ah! What a frightful blow he has given me! How cruelly has he put me to confusion! If matters are as this villain says, to what a state are my honour and my affection reduced? What course can I adopt? Am I to noise it abroad or keep it secret? Ought I, in my anger, to keep the dishonour of my house to myself or make it public? Come! Must one even think what to do in so gross an affront? I have no standing, nothing to hope for; all my anxiety now shall be how to avenge myself.

SCENE IV SOSIE, NAUCRATES, POLIDAS, AMPHITRYON

SOS. All I have been able to do, Monsieur, with all my diligence, is to have brought these gentlemen here.

AMPH. Ah! You are here?

SOS. Monsieur.

AMPH. Insolent, bold rascal!

SOS. What?

AMPH. I shall teach you to treat me thus.

SOS. What is it? What is the matter with you?

AMPH. What is the matter with me, villain?

SOS. Hullo, gentlemen, come here quickly.

NAU. Ah! Stay, I beseech you.

SOS. Of what am I guilty?

AMPH. You ask me that, you scoundrel? Let me satisfy my righteous anger.

SOS. When they hang any one, they tell him why they do it.

NAU. At least condescend to tell us what his crime may be.

SOS. I beseech you, gentlemen, keep a tight hold of me.

AMPH. Yes! He has just had the audacity to shut the door in my face, and to add threats to a thousand impudent jeers! Ah! You villain!

SOS. I am dead.

NAU. Restrain this anger.

SOS. Gentlemen.

POL. What is it?

SOS. Has he struck me?

AMPH. No, he must have his reward for the language he has made free to use just now.

SOS. How could that be when I was elsewhere busy carrying out your orders? These gentlemen here can bear witness that I have just invited them to dine with you.

NAU. That is true: he has just delivered us this message, and would not quit us.

AMPH. Who gave you that order?

SOS. You.

AMPH. When?

SOS. After you made your peace, when you were rejoicing at the delight of having appeased Alcmene's anger.

AMPH. O Heaven! Every instant, every step, adds something to my cruel martyrdom; I am so utterly confused that I no longer know either what to believe or what to say.

NAU. All he has just told us, of what has happened at your house, surpasses what is natural so much, that before doing anything and before flying into such a passion, you ought to clear up the whole of this adventure.

AMPH. Come; you can second my efforts; Heaven has brought you here most opportunely. Let me see what fortune brings me today; let me solve this mystery, and know my fate. Alas! I burn to learn it, and I dread it more than death.

SCENE V JUPITER, AMPHITRYON, NAUCRATES, POLIDAS, SOSIE

JUP. What is this noise that compels me to come down? Who knocks as though he were master where I am master?

AMPH. Good Gods! What do I see?

NAU. Heaven! What prodigy is this? What? Here are two Amphitryons!

AMPH. My soul is struck dumb. Alas! I cannot do anything more: the adventure is at an end; my fate is clear; what I see tells me all.

NAU. The more narrowly I watch them, the more I find they resemble each other.

SOS. Gentlemen, this is the true one; the other is an impostor who ought to be chastised.

POL. Truly, this marvellous resemblance keeps my judgment in suspense.

AMPH. We have been tricked too long by an execrable rogue; I must break the spell with this steel.

NAU. Stay.

AMPH. Leave me alone.

NAU. Ye Gods! What would you do?

AMPH. Punish the miserable treachery of an impostor.

JUP. Gently, gently! There is very little need of being carried away by passion; when a man bursts out in such a rage as this, it makes one think he has bad reasons.

SOS. Yes; it is an enchanter, who has a talisman that enables him to resemble the masters of houses.

AMPH. For your share in this insulting language, I shall make you feel a thousand blows.

SOS. My master is a man of courage: he will not allow his followers to be thrashed.

AMPH. Let me assuage my deep anger, and wash out my affront in the scoundrel's blood.

NAU. We shall not suffer this strange combat of Amphitryon against himself.

AMPH. What? Does my honour receive this treatment from you? Do my friends undertake the defence of a rogue? Far from being the first to take up my vengeance, they themselves place obstacles in the way of my resentment?

NAU. What do you wish us to decide, when two Amphitryons are before us and all the warmth of our friendship is in suspense? If we were now to show towards you, we fear we might make a mistake, and not recognise you. Truly we see in you the appearance of Amphitryon, the glorious support of the Thebans' well-being; but we also see the same appearance in him, and we cannot judge which he is. Our duty is not doubtful, the impostor ought to bite the dust at our hands; but this perfect resemblance hides him between you two; and it is too hazardous a stroke to undertake in the dark. Let us find out quietly on which side the imposture may be; then, as soon as we have unravelled the adventure, it will not be necessary for you to tell us our duty.

JUP. Yes, you are right, this resemblance authorises you to doubt both of us. I am not offended to see you cannot make up your minds: I am more reasonable, and excuse you. The eye cannot differentiate between us. I see one can easily be mistaken. You do not see me give way to anger, nor draw my sword: that is a bad way to enlighten a mystery; I can find one more gentle and more certain. One of us is Amphitryon; and both of us may seem so in your eyes. It is for me to end this confusion. I intend to make myself so well known to all, that, at the overwhelming proofs I shall bring forward to show who I am, he himself shall agree concerning the blood from which I sprang, and he shall no longer have occasion to say anything. Before all the Thebans I will reveal the truth to you; the affair is, unquestionably, of sufficient importance to justify my seeking to clear it up in the sight of all. Alcmene expects this public testimony from me; her virtue, which is outraged by the noise of this mischance, demands justification, and I will see justice is done it. My love for her compels me to it. I shall call together an assembly of the noblest chiefs, for the explanation her honour requires. While waiting with you for these desirable witnesses, I pray you to condescend to honour the table to which Sosie has invited you.

SOS. I was not mistaken, gentlemen, this word puts an end to all irresolution: the real Amphitryon is the Amphitryon who gives dinners.

AMPH. O Heaven! Can my humiliation go further? Must I indeed suffer the martyrdom of listening to all that this impostor has just said to my face, my arms bound, though his words drive me mad?

NAU. You are wrong to complain. Let us await the explanation which shall render resentment seasonable. I do not know whether he imposes upon us or not; but he speaks on the matter as though he were right.

AMPH. Go, you weak-kneed friends, and flatter the imposture. Thebes has other friends who will flock round me, different from you. I will go and find some who, sharing the insult, will know how to lend their hand in my just cause.

JUP. Ah well! I await them; I shall know how to decide the discussion in their presence.

AMPH. You rogue, you think perhaps to evade justice thus; but nothing shall shield you from my vengeance.

JUP. I shall not now condescend to answer this insulting language; soon I shall be able to confound your fury with two words.

AMPH. Not Heaven, not Heaven itself can protect you: I shall dog your footsteps even to Hell.

JUP. It will not be necessary; you will soon see I shall not fly away.

AMPH. Now, before he goes away with these, I will make haste to gather together friends who will aid my cause; they will come to my house and help me to pierce him with a thousand thrusts.

JUP. No ceremony, I implore you; let us go quickly into the house.

NAU. Really, this adventure utterly confounds the senses and the reason.

SOS. A truce, gentlemen, to all your surprises; let us joyfully sit down to feed until the morning. I intend to feast well, so that I may be in good condition to relate our valiant deeds! I am itching to attack the dishes; I never felt so hungry.