Life bumps, how to correct

The psychotherapist gave an answer right away:

– But the situation could have been resolved differently. How? I’ll give you a hint. With your support for the aggressor, of course.

All present impatiently waited to hear the cherished formula for the resolution of the conflict. Jessica wrote three short instructions on the board:

“1. Support isn’t given as a directive;

2. Neither advice or counseling are given in the first place;

3. Contains a statement of fact.”

And then I asked a question:

– How can the situation be resolved according to this method? Try to model it!

– How? – grinned Robert and, of course, wished his offender to fly into a tree. – Advise him to learn the rules of the road?

Jessica shook her head slightly, smiled and replied:

– Here you are generating advice, but you should strive to support unobtrusively but confidently, with humor and straightforwardness.

There was a whisper from the audience:

– Let’s tell him he’s a confident driver.

The speaker was Mark. He must have had time to learn the lessons Jessica taught him, and from the looks he exchanged with Jessica, it was clear that they knew each other.

– It’s a good one, but it could be better,” she urged. – The important thing is that you have to be as benevolent as possible, you have to be sensitive to your attacker, to anyone who’s aggressive toward you. The greatest involvement.

Jessica turned to Robert:

– What did you say to the driver in response to what he said?

Robert shrugged his shoulders:

– Threatened that I would appeal to the traffic police. Yes, I got angry.

He smiled at a loss, realizing that the answer within the method is clearly inappropriate. And Jessica, maintaining eye contact with the whole group, said:

– I’ll give you a hint. A variation on the answer might be as follows. In response to his rudeness, say something like “You drive so actively, with your skill you could well get a job in a cab service and earn a lot of money there” or “Such a quick driver like you would better teach courses of extreme driving, try it”.

So the conversation entered a new phase. The audience was more actively engaged in the conversation. Jessica Green asked again:

– How many of you have experienced aggression in the last few days? Tell us.

One of the women, who previously had seemed very distant, was the first to join in the discussion. She spoke with a slight raise of her right eyebrow, stretching her vowels slightly. “Maybe she holds some official position,” thought Robert, looking at her haughty face, tall hair and a strict three-piece suit, noticeably worn, but still made of expensive fabric. Rolling her eyes meaningfully and sighing, the woman began her story:

– My situation probably cannot be called original, but I would certainly like to find a way out of it. In general, I live in an apartment building, and the problem is related to my neighbors. On weekends I usually have after-hours night shifts, and on weekdays, on the contrary, weekends. So I rest and try to sleep it off. But the howling and barking that my neighbor’s recently puberty dog gives me absolutely no way to do that. And it is useless to argue with her. My neighbor breeds dogs and does not seem to do anything wrong. So don’t go to the building or call the police.

– Will you try to model the answer yourself? – the therapist joined in the conversation, taking a marker and getting ready to make notes on the board.

– Willingly, – answered the woman, still keeping a slightly haughty expression on her face, but with enthusiasm and even some excitement. – Instead of scolding, I could have told my neighbor the following: “I really like that you care about all living things, you care a lot, but you should also take care of the mundane life, and don’t give a damn about the neighbors!”

After these words, the woman smiled and continued with a smile on her face:

– It even came out a bit in rhyme. One might also try to say, “I suppose the dog’s singing pleases you, and the concerts go on for quite a long time, but the repertoire and the times they choose to perform aren’t always to the liking of those listeners who wish to rest.”

Jessica Highlander, nodding her head approvingly, wrote down briefly the answers offered by the listener, at the end of whose speech she asked:

– How can I call you?

– Zara.

– That’s great, Zara. Closing the locus of aggression, you can also resort to a reciprocal gesture of politeness – to treat the dog with a couple of bags of food or give a bone with vitamins to the fluffy artist.

Not hiding her satisfaction from the consultation, slightly squinting, Jessica Highlander continued the conversation:

– Now I will give you an example, and your task will be to give an answer that is fully able to meet the requirements of the method. Look. Here is the situation. You have a long-awaited receipt from the post office, which says that your parcel has arrived. Naturally, in high spirits you rush there and finally entered the buildings and came to the delivery point, you find a long line. Naturally, you wait your turn patiently. But then a woman walks in who walks quickly and very confidently to the operator and tries to ask her questions. Her behavior can’t help but irritate, and the aggression that you and the people standing in front of you in line will inevitably be discharged somewhere else. And so… what will you do?

Jessica looked at the audience questioningly. There was silence for a brief moment. Everyone was pondering the situation. Robert also ran through all the possible options in his head. But the girl to his left was the first to give her answer:

– Maybe I’ll say to her, “Woman, you are so fast and confidently ahead of everyone. Careful, they might find a doping in your blood called “And I just have to ask. And disqualification will follow!”

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