Life bumps, how to correct

They drank another mug of beer and parted ways in the evening. Everyone went about his business. George, apparently, went to visit that interesting lady, with whom, judging by the conversations, he had met quite recently. And Robert went to his wife. He remembered her unhappy face, the dull kitchen with all the things going on that he absolutely didn’t want to go back to. “I’ll call the psychologist’s office today and make an appointment,” – he decided.

At the same time, everything around him was so in tune with positive thoughts. It was dark outside, but so unusual, as in principle does not happen in the first days of December, – without precipitation and clear. Normally disinclined to romance, Robert drove leisurely, and from time to time he looked up at the starry sky. “Yes, placers of stars can only be seen so well in a small town, which you can’t see in a stuffy metropolis,” it thought. And he remembered his high school and college days, when Robert walked irrepressibly toward his dream, participated in dozens of projects, tuning in to the frenetic pace of the big city. How active he was then and didn’t know what depression was, which could have been about to consume him, and maybe already had.

With these thoughts, with thoughts of a possible visit to his mother in Moscow alone or with his family during the winter vacations, he parked the car, fumbled for the intercom keychain, and headed confidently toward his apartment. Yes, definitely more confident than usual. But confidence was quickly replaced by confusion, as from behind a tightly closed door he heard the commanding sound of his mother-in-law’s voice. She was doing what she called “pedagogical work” with her favorite granddaughter:

– It isn’t good to watch cartoons for a long time! And don’t mind!

Alice’s voice could not be heard, but that was not what angered Robert so much. He was literally dumbfounded by the next words:

– She must have learned from Daddy to argue with everyone! He may soon be fired because of his constant arguments! You, too.

When the coat was hung up and the briefcase was put in its usual place, Robert was already boiling with anger and indignation. Of course, he realized that his attacks on his mother-in-law were akin to pinpricks, but still he saw no other way to fix the situation, or simply didn’t know about it.

– How can you say that! – he blurted out as he swiftly entered his daughter’s room, where the action was unfolding.

And, most surprising of all, Elizabeth was only for a moment embarrassed, realizing that she had been caught unawares.

– What? – she began, gathering all her confidence and arching her back a little. – Your daughter is restless and wants to have fun all the time when her mother isn’t home. No, of course, I understand Maryenka, she works hard, and she has a night shift tonight. But the remark I have to make, who else …

“A favorite trick,” – thought Robert bitterly. His mother-in-law very skillfully avoided answering, moving on to discuss the shortcomings of other people. And, as always, didn’t pay attention to his objections.

– And so tonight, since I’m staying overnight, I’ll make sure that the lessons are learned.

Alice looked pleadingly at her father. And he also looked directly into her eyes. Father and daughter knew perfectly well that who but Alice deserved a vacation, especially on a Friday. Maybe the beer, maybe George’s words, maybe the special atmosphere of the evening, maybe the resentment that had been repressed for many months against the malicious interference of Elizabeth in the upbringing of her first-grade daughter made itself felt, and he answered rather rudely:

– That isn’t for you to decide.

“One missed opportunity is enough,” – he thought of the expelled student. And Alice, hearing the sudden words of support, even squirmed, pulling up her legs in pink tights on the couch and wrapping her arms around them. Robert continued:

– She won’t be doing any homework today. And you’d better go home and get some rest, it’s been a hard day for everyone.

– How? – That’s all the mother-in-law could say. – As if you, Robert, were able to take care of her, as if you could cook… – But she could not finish as he raised his voice at her for the first time in her life.

– Yes, I can, very much so! Stop treating me like a boy!

And suddenly Robert took the remote control from the TV and made the sound in the cartoon about the Three Heroes even louder, so that the roar of the battle with the Dragon Gorynych began to fill the room.

Elizabeth’s chin trembled, she shrank somehow, squinted. Robert barely knew what came over him, but in his heart was aware that the battle he had won would certainly be lost, because there are two women in the family and one actively supports the other in everything.

– Stop talking like that! I have done so much for your family! If it weren’t for me, you would have split up long ago, and Alice wouldn’t be so talented and clever!

– No, – in Robert’s voice became steely notes, – it’s not your merit. It’s late, it’s time for you to go.

The TV rattled across the room, and everyone in it was silent. The mother-in-law didn’t recover from such aggressive and unaccustomed treatment so quickly. It took her three minutes to digest what had been said, to realize that she had just been kicked out of the apartment. Afterwards, taking her favorite shawl from the couch, leaving the room, she said one last word, as always:

– Black is your ingratitude, Robert! You have no conscience.

He was silent. There were no more words. Gathering up her things and dressing hurriedly, Elizabeth disappeared behind the door. She was gone. But it didn’t become calmer. It didn’t become calmer even when he returned to the room, drank tea with his daughter, looked at the new outfits she had made for the dolls, and then, after bathing her, put her to bed. Everything seemed to be going well. A perfect evening. And he acted like it was the right thing to do. Or did he? Many questions swirled in Robert’s mind, even then swirled, when, going to bed, he dialed a number from his business card and wrote it in the phone book.

Already in Saturday morning, just a couple of beeps later, a cheerful and pleasant female voice answered:

– Jessica Highlander’s office, listening. Are you on a trial training?

– Yes, that’s right, for training.

– The appointment will take place tomorrow at 11:00. We will be glad to see you. Please state your name and patronymic.

– Mr. Robert.

A few seconds later it was registered, the recording was complete. With a feeling of slight uncertainty Robert returned to the room to his daughter, who, hugging a stuffed rabbit named Venya, was watching a cartoon with interest. He sat down next to her, sat like that for a while, but after a while he went to the kitchen. He wanted to do something to occupy himself, to kill time. He boiled the kettle, cut a loaf into small slices and smeared them with melted cheese. His daughter loved such a simple and tasty treat. He varied the treat with a couple of sugar cookies left over from the day before, and, as soon as the tea was brewed, he took them all into the room. Satisfied that she could rest, her daughter happily took up the food and ate everything he offered her with unprecedented vigor.

– Daddy, may I sleep in your room with Mummy tonight? Please, – Alice asked, smiling and bouncing slightly on the couch. – Your blanket is so soft, and Venya really likes it, too.

Asking for something, the girl always slightly squinted her eyes, which made her incredibly similar to her mother. The striking resemblance to Mary always somewhat amused Robert, as my daughter became at such moments isn’t in a childish seriousness. Almost nothing so he could not refuse her, and Alice so rarely asked for something with such enthusiasm.

– Let’s go, of course. And we could even read before going to bed.

The rest of the evening was wonderful. As cozy as it’s rarely been. No quarrels or scandals, no unsolvable problems, no difficult thoughts. They drank tea, then read “The Wizard of Oz” at bedtime. Surprisingly, Robert fell asleep easily and easily. Tomorrow was going to be a hard but interesting day. Deep in his heart he hoped that everything that was happening would be resolved very soon.

Chapter 3 – A first introduction to the Method

The frosty Sunday morning, sunny and piercingly bright, was invigorating. Shivering from the cold and holding hands, she and her daughter walked briskly toward the district art school. A still-life drawing class was to begin by 10:00, during which he could attend a session and then return for Alice and drive home. The plan was very simple and clear. And, in general, since yesterday evening he was doing very well, which could not help but create a certain positive mood. For example, for the first time in a long time his daughter went to her Sunday class with gusto, which was undoubtedly to his credit.

– I’m going to try very hard today, Daddy. And I’ll show you what I could draw. When are you coming? – Alice quickly chattered, putting rolled-up A3 sheets, crayons, and a still-life model out of her backpack on the table.

– As soon as class is over. Today I have things to do in the center of the city, but I’m not going to be late, don’t worry, – Robert stroked her head and smiled. – If anything, you know you can always call Daddy. And I’ll pick you up if you get off early.

Normally his wife and her mother didn’t approve of the phone in class, but to spite them, Robert let Alice take the new smartphone he’d given her a month ago for her eighth birthday today.

– Okay, Dad, – the girl nodded.

– Come on, good luck, – he smiled again, waved at her, and left the classroom.

According to the navigator, the office, where the group therapy was to take place, was within walking distance. Besides, there was still a whole hour before the start of the consultation. Therefore, Robert briskly walked through the familiar streets of the city. After passing a few uniform two-story apartment buildings, as can be found in every small town, he turned into a square, built, as far as he remembered, before the revolution. Farther down the path were a few benches along a circular plaza, adorned by a sheltered winter bed and the crowns of old ash trees that only grew in mountain latitudes. He loved the shadows cast by the bare, massive branches of these powerful trees. They formed a whimsical pattern on the old gray sidewalk tiles. Robert involuntarily slowed his step as he walked past. But the square was quite small, and as soon as he crossed it, he almost immediately found himself in a busy neighborhood with several stores. That’s where most of the city’s residents regularly shopped on weekends.

The stores were just opening. A guy brought fresh baked goods to the bakery in a van. Discussing something with the salesman, he unloaded tray after tray, bringing them into the store. A florist, for some reason unkindly looking at him, intensively sprayed the flowers exposed on the open showcase. So, grinning slightly, Robert turned his gaze to the glass windows of clothing stores. They were habitually displaying almost all the available costumes, put on mannequins. Such is the naivety of provincial marketing masters. In general Robert should have bought himself a new purse long ago, and on another day, had he been freer, he would certainly have gone into a small store with accessories. His salesman, an old haberdasher, who five years ago had been selling in a flimsy stall at the market, had now set up a pleasant “salon. He was always able to find the right option for Robert, smoothing out the pain of choice with up-to-date gossip.

The city lived its quiet and unremarkable life. He was a part of the city that tended to take part, even if timidly, in everything that was going on. However, in Robert’s opinion, it was quite insignificant. Immersed in his thoughts, he almost bumped into a jeep that had parked sharply in the middle of the sidewalk. A stocky man in a black down jacket fell out of the car and without any explanation attacked Robert shouting:

– Watch where you are going! Don’t you look under your feet at all, – followed by a couple of swear words.

The words fell like snow on my head and made me angry – after all he was not breaking anything, was not disturbing anyone.

– Hey! Watch where you’re going! Standing on the sidewalk! I’m going to call the traffic police and see… – Suddenly for himself Robert blurted out, stopping for a second. The blood rushed to his head instantly.

– The cleverest one has appeared.

The careless driver practically walked right up to him and apparently completely ignored the threat that came his way. The tension was building:

– I’m going to hit you before you get your phone out.

– Watch what you’re saying! There’s a lot of people here. What, you want to go to the station? – He wouldn’t let up, and didn’t move from his seat.

The prospect of a fight right before the consultation with a therapist didn’t particularly inspire him, but he was really angry. His recent frustrations were showing, and he didn’t feel much like holding back. Clenching his fists, he waited for the reaction of the boor, who, nervously twisting the keys in his hand, stared angrily at Robert.

Robert was plucked from oblivion by the ringing of the phone. It triggered a reminder of the consultation that was about to begin. The sound had a sobering effect on both of them, causing the driver to stop and shut up, and Robert to walk further down the sidewalk. He did, however, allow himself to wag his finger at his temple, in response to which his accidental companion shouted something rude in his wake. However, Robert didn’t hear what it was, because he was again immersed in his thoughts, thinking about what he would see and hear in the next hour and a half.

The consulting room was decorated in pleasant light colors. Fortunately, it didn’t have the main irritant that Robert was inwardly afraid of – the semi-darkness and the smell of incense, which caused him only melancholy. On the contrary, every detail of the interior tuned his thoughts to active work. Here is a freakishly curved vase by the window, composed as if of pieces of broken glass, paintings in the art nouveau style … All these nice nuances made up the general composition and remained distinctive separate elements at the same time. The furniture was laconic without fussy details. The guests were seated in soft brown sack chairs, and there was no space at all for a lecturer. A standard glossy white board hung on the wall, and above it a clock of the same white color with black strokes in a circle that conventionally denoted the numbers of the dial.

“Nothing taxing on the mind, nice, – Robert’s mind raced. – Nothing to be distracted by.” He looked at the people. The consulting room was filled with all sorts of clients. This fact surprised and intrigued him at the same time. To Robert’s right sat a young, moody-looking girl with a notebook in her hands. The closest to the board, with his back to him, was a man in his fifties, looking through something on his smartphone. Two middle-aged women, dressed as if for a dinner party, took seats near the exit. They were talking animatedly. Right next to Robert sat a young man about his age, dressed in a simple but cozy brown sweater and black worn jeans. The young man was jotting something down on a clipboard, but at the same time he looked frequently at his guests, and at Robert as well. It was not difficult to guess that it was this young guy, noticeably different from the inhabitants of this provincial town, who was an psychotherapist’s assistant.

So when he once again stared at Robert, the latter, without taking his eyes off him, asked:

– I’m here for the first time, maybe you can tell me what format it’s going to be in?

– Um… – The guy hesitated.

Then, with a slight furrowed brow, answered loudly, no doubt attracting the attention of everyone present:

– Jessica is now writing a new book that will be devoted to testing a new method for dealing with negative emotions and attacks of the ‘outside environment’, as she says. To ensure that the method receives sufficient support among readers, clients and practitioners alike, she has set herself the goal of gathering a group of test subjects, who will then become the protagonists of the book, so to speak… And… I’m on the team.

– This is the first time I’ve heard of this approach.

Robert could not help but admit that what he heard clearly interested him, so he moved his chair closer to the young man and asked:

– In the team?

– Ah, well… – Robert’s interlocutor grinned.

Tapping the tablet lock screen and looking at Robert again, he continued:

– That’s what I call those who Jessica has already selected to her group. By the way, I’m Mark.

– Nice to meet you, Robert.

Introducing himself, Robert said that Mark looked not only a very agile, quick-witted and enthusiastic man, but also incredibly cheerful and energetic, animatedly taking part in everything that was happening and as if charged with something from inside.

– And how is the selection process carried out? – Robert asked a question that naturally arose.

But he didn’t get an answer, because a young woman entered the room, where about 15 people had already gathered, and with a springy gait, looking at everyone present one by one, approached the blackboard. She didn’t seem to lose sight of anyone, and the attentive gaze of her dark eyes also stopped on Robert and Mark. She fit wonderfully into the interior of the room. There was nothing pretentious about her appearance: a dark blue woolen dress with a closed neck, high booted boots without heels, brown hair pulled up into a bun above her head. And absolutely no jewelry, not in his ears, not on his neck, not on his wrists. An absolutely calm and laconic image. Nothing about her could distract the listener from the penetrating gaze, the half-smile that almost never left her face, and the highly entertaining conversation that captivated everyone in the room from the very first seconds.

– I am very grateful to all of you that on this Sunday morning you decided to spend some time talking to me, – the coach began her speech, and Robert immediately understood why there was no chair or chair for the psychologist: she didn’t stand still, but walked tirelessly around the room. – I will introduce myself to those with whom we have not yet met. Jessica Highlander, psychotherapist and motivational coach.

Highlander didn’t make a pause in her speech and, stopping right in front of Robert and Mark, continued, slightly lowering her voice:

– In fact, each of us is a pretty good motivational coach for ourselves, aren’t we? I’m sure that last week, and the week before, was not without its difficulties for all of you. I confess that I did too: a heavy flight, having to prepare a place for a meeting, negotiations with representatives of the local administration.

Jessica smiled, defusing the situation. And Robert noted that for the first time in his practice the confidential tone was used so successfully. No tedious introductions, no boring enumeration of their own achievements. A relaxed and open conversation was immediately initiated. Therefore, the revelations expressed by a complete stranger previously he wanted to respond with a conspiratorial tone: “Yes, and I had a hard time this week, and last week, and in the end, all the previous ones, too! But Robert didn’t have time to say it out loud. The girl seated by the window answered on behalf of all those present, whose despondent look, which had previously touched him, was now truly despondent:

– I can’t get over my sadness at all. Can you help me deal with the loss I have experienced?

The girl’s eyes instantly moistened. Robert was struck by the reaction to what the specialist had said. Immediately Jessica walked over to the speaker and sat down next to her. In a low, trustworthy voice she said:

– You and I are in the present moment, here and now. Your sadness is perfectly normal, and my task is to help you not only learn to accept it, but also to cope with the negative consequences of the experience.

Then, turning to the whole group, Jessica continued:

– All the emotions we experience are perfectly normal, but we are often ashamed, unable to accept them, suppress them and as a result get trapped, constantly reacting to the same stimuli. We walk like a rounded corridor, discovering traces of the same experiences. For example, sadness leads again and again to depressing thoughts…

Jessica rose from her chair, again looking trustingly and warmly into the eyes of the girl, who smiled in response, albeit faintly, but still. The therapist continued her monologue:

– But you don’t live your life to the fullest, constantly coming back to the guilt that owns you, you don’t see ways to cope with what haunts you. And there are ways out, take a look.

Taking a marker, Jessica quickly drew a straight line and two circles on the board from the beginning of the line to the end. And then, after some pause, a curved line, going away from the second circle, and another curved line, opposite, approaching it like a boomerang. The explanation was not long in coming.

– The circles drawn on this board represent events, words, and facts that you encounter every day, – Jessica said. – You react to events in different ways. Take, for example, aggression. You can express your dissatisfaction directly…

In this case, the coach pointed to a straight line. In such a situation, she explained, the aggressor immediately gets a response in the form of no less rude words to his address. And most importantly – the situation causes negative emotions, which affect the person negatively. In some cases, on the contrary, people prefer to walk away from aggression directed at them. Such behavior is indicated by a line going away.

– Here, for example, you are criticized undeservedly, someone rude and harshly responded to you, and you kept silent, – said Jessica, and it was clear to everyone that she knows firsthand what she is talking about. – But the offender and the critic won’t benefit themselves either. They will realize their impunity, they will not be able to develop their perception. And remember…

Then she opened the marker and hastily wrote a few words on the board over the chart. Robert, looking carefully, read: “AGGRESSION THAT HAS NO EXIT, CLOSES IN ITSELF”.

Jessica then briefly described various approaches and concepts of understanding aggression and practical ways to struggle with its displays in psychology and psychotherapy. Having finished her speech, she again turned to the chart, pointing to the line that curved up to the circle from below:

– But you can change the situation, you can offer your attention and support to someone who opposes you. You will ask: “How? After all, I have been undeservedly offended, unjustly accused, I am again being attacked for nothing. I have to respond, I have to get even”. It is complicated, but it is possible to extinguish the conflict with the help of excessive support. It should be active, without negativity, and even with a touch of humor, which naturally follows from the context of the position taken.

Jessica Highlander, a young girl, so cheerful and energetic and seemingly far away from such problems, nevertheless inspired confidence with her wise thoughts. It was impossible not to be involved in the conversation, and Robert himself didn’t notice how he began to talk about cases from his life related to aggression.

– Just now, about an hour ago, I had an argument with a driver who was parked on the sidewalk. And he started it first, I just defended myself, – said Robert, which instantly attracted the attention of all present.

Jessica smiled and looked at him with interest and said:

– A very common case, and no less interesting because of it. Can you tell us more about it…

She paused and raised an eyebrow.

– How can we address you?

– Mr. Robert, – he introduced himself and continued his story. – I was walking along the sidewalk just in time for the session. He ran straight under my feet, almost knocked me down, and, most importantly, immediately attacked me with accusations that I was walking too fast, getting in the way, interfering with the traffic. I, of course, told him back. What’s there to say. And that was it. We almost had a fight.